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Hello to my new neighbors.

Link to my last thread in newcomers:
Revisting the calm

Sitch in nutshell:
Me 39
Her 38 (39 in Aug)
Married 12 years (13 next Monday Great huh?)
Kids: S10, S7, S4

Started with me having relationship online (nothing physical) her finding out, her having PA for 2 months me catching her in bed with him. DB and tried to rebuild for 1.5 years, took a long time for me to cope and backslides killed any chance of us putting it back.
She is possible MLC, definite depression, and possible Narcassistic Disorder.

She called to tell me signed the papers today. Wanted me to know before my attorney called.

She wants primary custody and I would get visitaion 2 days a week and every other weekend and $1400.00 a month for CS and possible SS. I may seek full custody but would settle for joint.

So far I am ok. I have prepared myself and put myself in a better spot. I am here to be with others that know what I will be going through.


Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.

Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
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F4W -

I appreciate the fight you have fought and while you are not done, you give us hope that we can stand for what we believe in - regardless of the outcome. You are a strong man and an honorable one. I really wish you wouldn't have to face this. I really wish none of us would.

I will continue to pray for you, your W, and your family tonight!

God Bless,
Santhony


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TY SA.

It is hitting me now. But I will be fine.


Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.

Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
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I texted my wife:

TY for the call. I know that this is emotional for you. I am here if you want to talk or vent, weird but I am, and will be"

Her reply:
Thank U. It means alot

I hurt for her pain right now.

F4W


Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.

Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
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(F4W).


My latest life
Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm - Winston Churchill
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Thank you my friend.

F4W


Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.

Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
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((((Fighting4Wife))))...

Please remember what I have always told you... You are special, kind, thoughtful, caring, and strong!... IMO, you truly deserve to have your wife see all of these wonderful qualities... To be in a healthy relationship with someone who realizes that you are incredible... And, with someone who is willing to work through problems with you.

I am sure there have been times when you have felt that you could have walked away from your marriage yourself. The difference is you did NOT walk away, and I don't think you would have. F4W, you had the endurance to weather the storm. IMO, that means you are strong, loyal, and honorable. Unfortunately, that also means you have been the one to get hurt when you found out that your wife may not have that same strength. I hope you are realizing more and more what a good person you truly are... You have every right to be proud of who you are.... Continue to hang on to that spirit inside of you because that is your nature. And, it is a special characteristic of yours. So, you need to cherish it.

F4W, you have alot of dignity, strength, and character and I know you will get through this. Although it may not look like it now, you will come out of this an even better person. Time does heal all wounds if you let it heal.

We all care for you, F4W!... Thinking of you, -Kim




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F4W - amen to what Kim said; she is so right.

Your response to your W's call and your text was excellent - at this stage I think she needs to realise that she has to ask for your help if she wants it now. She knows you are there for her and, in her words it 'means a lot.' But in order to have your incredible support, she now needs to actively seek it out. You are no longer just there for her to beat up when she feels bad about herself - as someone so wisely said in another post 'that is enough.'

Interesting how her pursuit of what she thinks she wants - a D - is making her depressed and miserable...

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F4W -

Again, I second what Kim said - right on!!!

Quote:

Interesting how her pursuit of what she thinks she wants - a D - is making her depressed and miserable...




A friend of my W told me that my W will have to fall on her face in order to figure this out. Perhaps this may be the beginning of the fall for your W - F4W!

The real hard part is that when our Ws fall - they will have a huge blow to their self-esteem and all of the time they could have been spending working on themselves and improving their R skills - has been wasted blaming us for their problems. So when/if our Ws fall on their faces and wake up - there will still be much work to do and the task will still be difficult and require good DB skills. Sorry, I will stop philosophizing now...

Stay up F4W! I do not have to tell you this is not easy - but you are doing all you can do for her now.

God Bless,
Santhony

"I am not the problem. Therefore, I am not the solution."


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Thank you all! Again I am amazed at where we can find support and how caring other are about people all over this country.

Let me update...

I read all the filed paperwork last night and again today. Needless to say, I was angered and also astonished at the sheer fabrications and allegations. Proposed paernting plan was for 4 days every other week and the CS was outrageous!

Neither are acceptable.

So my sister writes an email to my STBXW and tries to get her to consider joint custody. There is no love loss between my family and her. So this of course was my fault. I replied to my STBXW email that she got the information from the pleadings I read to her over the phone last night. This lead to a phone call from STBXW in 2 minutes.

Very emotional and also very healthy. I read to her from the pleadings, she did not review them before signing and said she woould have her attorney make the changes. She also said this was done because I threatened full-custody. Which I said was an option that I may consider. And in light of the pleadings may still do.

This lead to her crying and asking me what should she do. I stated again what I have been stating all along, I am here, I oppose D, I love you, although right now I do not like you very much (YES I said it), I do not want this marriage right now (yes I said it), these are your issues you need to be accountable for. You filed, YOu ok'd the pleadings, you are looking to leave the marriage, you are the one who finds me repulsive, a perv, an ass, etc etc. I cannot make this decision for you. To do so would be controlling and wrong.

This went on for 45 minutes, she bounced back and forth about calling off the divorce, she can do the marriage, to why can't I just let her go, tell her what I want and she will follow, to she is scared b/c I might seek full custody, she will have her attorney make the needed changes, I mean she was all over the place.

I continued to support her. That I understood that she is confused and unsure, scared and emotional, that this is not easy. But I also stated Divorce is wrong for the reasons you are seeking. You just do not want to "play marriage" anymore becasue we are at a point where we both need to grow up, make changes, and work at our marriage. I am willing to do that. You are not.

She finally had to go. I was very supportive and assured her that I do not hate you. I do not blame you. You need to make a decision and you have. Now I need to make a decision that I do not want to make.

We said GB.

I am proud of myself because I did not fight nor become emotional. I am approaching this from the factual side. She is letting her attorney grind her axe she has with my attorney.

I do not think much of any of today, except my wife is now seeing that divorce is not easy when one still has undying love for her.

She is now having to face reality.

F4W


Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.

Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
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