Hi Martha - Could SO have been projecting his own guilt about Greece? Maybe he wants to compensate, and is therefore making sure everyone does their bit?
Sounds like your duct tape two-piece held up, well done
When is time to take the duct tape off and let OUR feelings out? Does that time ever come? or do we live with unresolved issues and never speak our mind? eerrr, Ugh!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
My my, last night was a doozey. Some of you may be familiar with the community I live in (or have been able to make educated guesses ).
Anyway, we had a bout of very nasty storms move through last night, with tornados, and the downtown and residential area near the university I work for were hit very hard. My bus didn't appear to be running this morning, so I walked to work. I walked right through the worst of the damage, and my my...it looked like a war zone.
My home and roommates and cats are fine. I was across town at church last night when the storms moved through, then I inadvertently drove through the worst of the damage right after it had happened, trying to get home. I drove through downed trees, power lines, could smell gas leaks...the whole nine yards.
Again, my neighborhood was fine, and SO and his D are fine too. Unfortunately, the apartment of a friend of mine didn't fare so well. She's concerned about her cat right now. Please keep my community in your prayers as we work today to clean up the mess, assess the damage, and begin rebuilding.
You've probably seen some of this on the national news this morning.
I'm not sure if this will work, but here's a photo from this morning. This is a young lady (presumably a university student) surveying what was left of her apartment this morning
(Well, poop...it didn't let me just paste the picture on the page, so that's a link to my local paper. If you flip through the other photos, you'll notice the aerial shots. That's what I drove home through last night, and walked back through this morning in order to get to work.)
I'm glad you and your loved ones are safe. Thanks for posting the pic - it makes it all the more real. There's nothing like that kind of event to make us appreciate what we have, and to put the small stuff back into perspective.
(Tried to post this earlier this afternoon, but the website wasn't working properly, so, here I am trying again!)
Thanks for your good wishes, gang! The entire community was very fortunate not to have any fatalities and only minor injuries from the storm. The clean-up is well underway; we are bouncing back quickly.
Update
Busy but quiet weekend, for the most part. SO and I had a minor misunderstanding on Friday night. It was his D's 16 b-day party. She had a sleep over at his mom's, an hour's drive away. He told me he would be coming back to town that night, and wanted to see me (even tho he's on dad duty). I had early evening plans with friends, which ended around 8:30. Still no sign nor phone call from SO by then, so I was starting to get pretty disappointed. I ended up going home by 9:30, and he called shortly after 10. By then I was exhausted and knew he wouldn't get back until around 11. I was irritated that he was disrespectful of my time. We both opted in the conversation to just pass for the night.
The next evening we met for an unplanned dinner and talked through it. We both apologized for getting grumpy with each other. I let him know that if he had just been clear with me about his plans to stick around for ALL of the party activities initially, I would have understood and I would have been fine. I already had the suspicion that he was trying to take on too much, and that became apparent when he wasn't back to town by 9.
He told me that what is really working for him/us this time around is that I give him a lot of latitude. Um, okay, whatever. LOL! From my perspective, what is really going on for me is that I don't accept blame or responsibility for his actions this time.
Two things concern me at this point, however. He still seems very uncomfortable with my negative feelings -- sad, anger, hurt, disappointment. When I expressed those on the phone, calmly and collectedly, he told me that he didn't feel "safe" with me. This seems to be a bit of a red flad and something I want to explore further with him in a neutral conversation.
The second thing, which I asked him on the phone Friday, was what was the guarantee that the D-related issues would disappear and stop magically being a barrier when she graduated high school? We discussed this some a dinner on Saturday. From an outside (albeit not completely unbiased) perspective, there's a lot of emotional blackmail that goes on with his D16/XW and him. I'm concerned that he won't be able to break that "spell" just because she graduates h.s. He primarily identifies money/c.s. issues, as well as wanting to be a part of his D's life right now.
I know this was a bit up in the thread, but it caught my eye.
Quote: When is time to take the duct tape off and let OUR feelings out? Does that time ever come? or do we live with unresolved issues and never speak our mind? eerrr, Ugh!
You'll know. If you're still questioning it, then it's not time.
Oddly, I hit a point where it doesn't matter anymore. (shrug) Would rehashing it move us forward? No. I'm not saying your feelings aren't important, and they shouldn't be expressed--that's what the BB is good for. My opinion is it just adds to the guilt and drags down the process of moving on with life if you spout it all to your partner.
Quote: He still seems very uncomfortable with my negative feelings -- sad, anger, hurt, disappointment. When I expressed those on the phone, calmly and collectedly, he told me that he didn't feel "safe" with me.
Guilt, plain and simple. My DH still can't handle it when I get upset--if it's about our past. It doesn't mean you won't be able to discuss other delicate topics, just that you can't (and probably shouldn't) discuss this one just yet.
Quote: From an outside (albeit not completely unbiased) perspective, there's a lot of emotional blackmail that goes on with his D16/XW and him. I'm concerned that he won't be able to break that "spell" just because she graduates h.s.
This is really for him to deal with... You can't solve his problems for him. Nor can you let them get to you.
Quote: When is time to take the duct tape off and let OUR feelings out? Does that time ever come? or do we live with unresolved issues and never speak our mind? eerrr, Ugh!
Just wanted to chime in w/ Nevanna (hi there & congrats!) that there is a time & a place to talk about your feelings. It has been my experience that when my feelings are "hot" and intense it is NOT the moment. I've learned that my feelings come & go like the tide, and that the longer I examine my own feelings (in my case thru meditation), the urgency of communicating them fades.
However, of course there are times when it's important to talk about your feelings. There are two things that I think are super important here: (1) Talk about your feelings when you feel "in control" over them, not the other way around and (2) when you are able to communicate them in a way that does not blame, project, accuse or in any way make matters worse. Your feelings are important, but you must know that YOU are responsible for your feelings - for the thoughts and underlying beliefs that are in YOUR head that precipitate your feelings.
I have strongly recommended reading "The Lost Art of Listening" to many here on the BB. It's really more about communication - both listening and talking and it was one of the most important books I ever read on my journey here.
). 
