Quote: though he certainly wouldn't do anything to me when it's so obvious.
Now this babe concerns me...you can never say "certainly wouldn't"...as I said earlier no one ever likes to thing the worst...just be as they say "yellow" cautious...my first love, actually held me at knifepoint..had it not been for his father's GF who walked in...well who knows...never in a thousand years would I have ever thought he would be capable of something like that...but people with their backs against the walls are capable of anything.
Yesterday just 5miles north of my house a man shot his estranged wife, the people drove her to the hospital, he shot her as she was going in for help...killed her and then turned the gun on himself. Domestic violence...I think every woman should read this story...they were going to meet to discuss their D. Again, it's reality folks...
Quote: You make the second person who's mentioned that exact case to me
If that other person is someone who has actually met your H - I would be worried, that maybe they are someone who has seen the "mask" slip? I think you should go out and get that book and read it, just to see if there are any creepy similarities. If there are too many - get out of there.
As for the "when did the affair start?" question - lots of WASs convince themselves that just because they didn't sleep with the OP before moving out, that somehow it wasn't an affair - even though they obviously left their marriage to be with the OP! DUH!! It's interesting that he made those calls to her right after you told him you were pregnant. Either he was already having an affair with her and called her to discuss the sitch - seems unlikely, given the lack of regular phone contact prior - or he was thinking of her, and as soon as he panicked about the pregnancy, he acted on it to line up a way out. Yucky either way.
I'm going to buy that People magazine tomorrow and read up on the story about Laci. I followed her case/trial very closely when it was going on.
I can see why others would bring it up to you. Some similarities, to say the least.
I can tell you that case flashed in my mind several times after I found out about H's affair. Right after he started seeing o.w., we suddenly bought a boat. A few months later, he took out some extra insurance (on the both of us). I don't believe he was actually planning my demise, mind you, but that case really made a lot of women think hard, you know?
Just be extra cautious, ok? We care about you very much. I KNOW you are going to be ok no matter what; I can tell by your strength in your posts. Quite honestly, you're one heck of a lady and I can't imagine handling this with any more class than you already have.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
ugh, you guys are getting me to think about stuff...
When I met my H, he was a smooth talker and at first I thought he was bsing me, but because we ended up together, I figure I was really different. However, one of the OW I came to contact told me he was a smooth talker with her (at the same time he kept coming over and saying he wanted to save our M). So I can see how creepy this all sounds. Plus H threatened to take everything out of the house once I confronted him about OW. I almost called the cops. I got really scared of him, not because of his threats, but because of how different he acted and sounded from the man I married.
Quote: I almost called the cops. I got really scared of him, not because of his threats, but because of how different he acted and sounded from the man I married.
I will never forget the night that my exH called and called and called...I refused to take his calls...went to bed. In the middle of the night the house alarm went off...and I freaked out and I mean freaked out...I came running out of the bedroom and saw him standing in the kitchen. The phone ringing off the hook because the alarm company was calling. My exH had given me back the keys (I trusted him and did not change the locks)...he was angry that I had not returned his calls. Told him that if he didn't leave I would have them call the cops. When we were at the Mediators he had a tantrum and my attorney said and I quote "That is the beauty of divorce Robert, she doesn't have to take your calls anymore." then proceeded to tell him he was tresspassing blah blah blah...and yes, I had the locks changed the next day and a new garage door clicker thingy installed.
He's still like that today if I don't call him back, but thankfully he doesn't break into the house anymore...but he will call and call and then call daughter and yell at her if she doesn't pick up.
I got really scared of him, not because of his threats, but because of how different he acted and sounded from the man I married.
I hear ya on this one. My H has said and done things over the past 2 years that i NEVER in a million years thought he was capable of. I think that is the hardest thing in all of this...thinking that he isn't the man i thought he was. That is scary.
I too have thought about the whole Laci Peterson thing. One night, when i had moved home and after my H moved out, after I had found H at ow's house...i was asleep and heard someone creeping up the steps. I knew it couldn't be my H b/c i had put a board under the front door handle so no one could get in (can you tell i hate sleeping in a house by myself?) Anyway, i am laying in bed, thinking "this is it...i am going to die." And then i turned over to find H standing there. Needless to say i almost wet the bed...he scared the s..t out of me! He had come in through the back door (duh) b/c he had seen the lights on and wanted to say goodnight. I'll tell ya...i was convinced he had come there to kill me to keep his secret, well, a secret. It was a horrible night...b/c i hated that i actually thought my H was capable of that and it made me wonder what the hell was happening. Anyway, i can not even imagine what poor Laci was thinking/feeling when she realized her H was about to kill her...terrible.
I think it is a lesson that we all should be extra careful, b/c you just never know. For those of you who actually had closer brushes with assault/death, I feel for you. I am amazed at your strength and determination. PandDBing...just be extra careful...we all care for you!
Oooo. I just got back from a friend's house and got the heeby jeebies reading all your posts. Wow. And I mean wow. To all of you. And obviously, thanks for your concern for me.
(Ellie) If that other person is someone who has actually met your H - I would be worried, that maybe they are someone who has seen the "mask" slip?
No, fortunately this was a friend who I don't see often -- and who didn't really know H at all. Maybe met him once.
I think you should go out and get that book and read it, just to see if there are any creepy similarities. If there are too many - get out of there.
Good idea. And I could use a good book. Seriously, I would be interested in reading it. I got a gift certificate to Barnes & Noble for Christmas from H's brother and his partner. Maybe that's what I'll use it for...I was planning to go to B&N tomorrow.
It's interesting that he made those calls to her right after you told him you were pregnant.
Yep, I agree.
Either he was already having an affair with her and called her to discuss the sitch - seems unlikely, given the lack of regular phone contact prior - or he was thinking of her, and as soon as he panicked about the pregnancy, he acted on it to line up a way out.
Yucky either way.
Yucky either way is right. But my thinking is with yours: More in line with the second possibility. And only because I know how often H was home, and I have the phone records to show (as you pointed out) that he started making all the calls just more than a week after my pregnancy was confirmed.
I'm not suggesting that he left me *just* because he's terrified of the baby. I mean, he took my two girls in like they were his own, and he was better to them than I've seen many biological fathers be to their children. But the way H went from being so happy and so loving to bolting the way he did...well, it just doesn't make much sense, except if the pregnancy tripped some trigger in him. And OW had obviously made herself available to H, so he knew she would be there. And I'd bet he was enticed by her because whereas I offer the comfortable home life -- with a little wild partying on the side -- she represented his "business life," which is something he always accused me of holding him back in. Well, I hope she's all he bargained for...that's about all I can say.
(Hope)Quite honestly, you're one heck of a lady and I can't imagine handling this with any more class than you already have.
Awww, this made me a little teary-eyed. Thanks so much. Except if you go back a thread or two, you'd see I'm not really all that classy at times. . So I've lost my temper -- and sanity? -- a moment or two??!! We'll all pull it back together, won't we?
As for the posts re: the Peterson sitch, I know to some folks it might sound like we're paranoid. But do you know what bothers me? That so many of us have had these similar fears and experiences. It actually infuriates me, to tell you the truth. But that's my feminazi comin' out.
I certainly thought about changing the locks on the house when H left. Only problem is, this is his house and my name's not on the mortgage. I guess I could likely do it anyway. But at this point, I feel I'm fortunate that he's never here. About 2 or 3 weeks after he left, my next-door neighbor caught H "spying" on me from the backyard. Some of you may remember that from my earliest posts. H thought a co-worker of mine, who visits me frequently, was (as H put it to neighbor), "Taggin' my W." Interesting, isn't it? Too bad OW couldn't keep him occupied enough to mind his own freakin' business and not worry about who's over here "tagging" the pregnant woman. Sheesh. Anyway, that kinda gave me the creeps.
But other than that, he hasn't made me wonder about him too much. I did leave the house several times at first, after he showed me that angry side of him that I never knew he had. I was afraid he would burn the house down or something because he was so angry that he couldn't get me out of it. And he kept talking about how badly he's always hated this house -- that the only reason he bought it was because I liked it. But my house has always been standing when I return.
I don't know how some of you guys have stayed inside your own skin after the experiences you posted here. I absolutely cannot imagine hearing somebody walk up my stairs after I'm already in bed. Oh my gawd, that freaks me out! And Lisa! Holy crap. Psycho XH!! That's about all I can say.
I hate to admit that things are kinda scary. The only comfort I find is in the fact that my H is kinda small framed -- but really strong -- and I took kickboxing for 2 years. And he didn't. I'm just kidding. None of that really makes me feel comfortable. He has big tools.
But do you want to hear a more positive story? One of the first nights after H had left in such an angry frame of mind, I had asked my next-door neighbor to keep an eye on the house. I went to stay with a friend. My neighbor came over and took all the really dangerous tools and things from the garage. He's had them hidden since. Isn't that sweet? It sucks that there are so many bad folks who overshadow the random acts of kindness from those who are so good.
Seriously, I would be interested in reading it. I got a gift certificate to Barnes & Noble for Christmas from H's brother and his partner. Maybe that's what I'll use it for...I was planning to go to B&N tomorrow.
I knew that would put somebody's mind in the gutter! Hey, ka_zump! I'm kinda fortunate there. My H's tool wasn't all that.