I think it's time to move over to this area. Even though I am not divorced I may as well be.
It's taken such a long time it has been almost 3 years since the bomb dropped. And now completely separated for over 2. I have not physically seen my H in a year now and contact is very minor.
Over a month ago my H called we had a nice chat and he asked me to dinner since then Nothing.
I don't understand why he called and had a nice long chat and he invited me to dinner than after that nothing I even tried to call him and he blew me off he acted like he didn't want to talk to me at all.
My very last contact with him was a month ago when I called him to wish him a happy birthday since then I have heard nothing he couldn't even do the same and wish me a happy birthday a few weeks later. 3 of my birthdays now he has done nothing not even an acknowledgment that I exist.
So, what am I doing I don't know this last birthday really broke me I think I have gotten it into my thick head that he doesn’t love me nor care in the least little bit about me. I think he'd be happier if I died or disappeared and with him and what he has done that is exactly what he is doing making me disappear.
I honestly now really don't think he ever care or loved me it was all an act why I don't know.
I am tired of the silence, I'm tired of the games and I am tired of trying to figure out what to do next. DB'ing works for some people but it's very apparent it has not worked for me.
I guess I am tired of trying to be nice to him and not do this or that or not say this or that because it has not made much difference.
Every part of me wants to call him up and ask WTF??? Why do you call have a nice chat ask me to dinner then blow me off. I want to ask when are you going to file for divorce.
Really I am just sick of it I deserve better than this. I didn't deserve what he did to me and the treatment he gave me.
And as far as I am concerned he wants OW he can have her and she can have him actually it's a great match 2 very selfish self centered people a match made in heaven
I loved him for so long and through all his mis-treatment I still loved him but this last birthday I really don't think I care anymore. He's gone and he needs to finish it or I will I no longer want to be married to a ghost.
That last phone call he made to me gave me some hope that maybe he was coming around a bit but obviously not.
So what do you think I should do should I call him and just lay it out no more games because I think this touch and go stuff is just stupid.
Hi Autumn, Sorry you're going through this, but it's a scenario that most of us are familiar with.
My advice is, don't call him. I believe the reason he asked you to dinner is to make sure you were still available to him. Since you agreed to go, he knows you are.
The best thing you can do for yourself is stop dwelling on what he is thinking or doing. It doesn't matter anymore. He probably doesn't even know. Three years is a long time to be waiting around for someone that's with someone else. This is just me, but I would start the D. Move on with your life.
Yes, It is a long time too long and now I think about it really I should have cut it in very beginning.
I think the reason that I haven't filed divorce is that I really wanted him to take responsibility for his actions that way he couldn't say I divorced him and in his twisted mind blame me ...I know he will blame me anyway but kinda wanted him to do it but he has not.
I am going on with my life but with this hanging on me its hard it's like an invisiable chain. Also I have been on midlife board and in db'ing for so long it hard to change the habit. Unfortuntly although DB'ing is good it also is bad to a sense because it leaves you with the questions, Is there something I missed OR maybe I dind't 180 enough. You get the mind set that somehow there is one more thing you can try and honsetly I don't know anymore if it's out of Love or a challenge to want to win.
