Long story short.. W and I are separated (me: west coast, her east coast) due to a military assignment for a year. She had an A a couple of years ago when I was deployed overseas. She wanted a divorce... I started with MB and to PLan A. Things seemed to get better (she even told me how much better they were and was so glad we were still together) until her job required her to spend a bit of time away for training. She was dead set against MC.
Then I got an assignment on the west coast and she said she wasn't coming with me for the year. We agreed we would see each other the 4-5 days a month I was off (I knew this was a bad idea, but she wasn't coming with me). A few months of this and she tells me she wants to be legally separated because one of the doctors she calls on is "interested" in her and she is lonely (she's a pharm sales rep). I told her that's not what I wanted, but if that's what she wanted that she would have to do it. She did go see a lawyer, but says it cost $1000 dollars and wants me to give her the money. I said no because we already decided to split our money and bills.
I was doing the typical "needy" thing and called, emailed, etc. After finding DB and talking to a DB Coach I stopped all that. The DB Coach recommended I use LRT. Have been using LRT for a couple of weeks and now she is calling me a couple of times a week. She always ask how I "feel" about "us" and wants to know what I'm thinking about "us". I tell her I'm just thinking things though and don't give any real info.
Now I'm just Pi%$#d. I had to come back to the east coast and to where our house is for a couple of days of training. I went by the house to get some warmer clothes since I didn't take everything with me when I left (didn't know I was moving out for good then) and discovered that she seems to be really interested in the doctor as well. While she doesn't have any money for a lawyer/separation she seems to have plenty of money for new clothes, lingerie, and contraceptives (found a trash can full of them used) and receipts. I know for a fact she's been seeing the guy for only a month, so imagine my anger. She has kept me at arms length for the past few years and has always told me she needs time to be around me before we have sex (or rather had).
When she asked me for a separation she said it may all be a big mistake, but she had needs I couldn't meet. Not like she tried to let me meet them. She tells me she loves me and thinks I'm a wonderful man (sounds like BS now).
I'm now wondering why I even care about her anymore. She's 35 and we've been married for 14 years. What the h#ll is going on now?? I don't think she has any respect for me and is only thinking about herself. When I step back and take a look at what's been going on I see her as a silly teenager and not a mature woman.
Is LRT with the type of separation we already have even the right approach? We haven't been able to have kids, and she did mention that the guy interested in her had teenage daughters. She says he isn't married, but has kids. He may be divorced - who knows. The last guy was married and had a teen daughter. Maybe she's just looking for a ready made family?? I didn't even ask her about him, she just offered it up.
I know this seems like a lot of babble. I'm thinking about not even returning her calls at all. Not even business and money conversations of any kind. Maybe this is the wrong forum....
Apache, sorry to see that you are on the roller coaster with the rest of us. My H and I are also seperated, he has OW though he is in denial and "just needs someone to talk to" and I have started the going "DARK", no initiating contact by me so we will see where that takes us. We must of some contact though we have D7 and his daughter 16 from previous marriage lives with me. As for what you are feeling it is all normal and I agree it doesn't seem like the right thing to do when you are so far apart(My H and I were living really seperate lives before he walked out), but it is important to have patience more than you think you can muster, and really work on yourself.
Keep your chin up and know that there are others here that share your pain and will do what they can to help.
