When should you take off your rings? Been doing the LRT for about 2mos now. H is having an A, moving out 31 Aug and OW may be moving up here. We have become what I would call friends now but still a little tension from time to time. Said he’s confused but his actions don’t match his words. Took off rings the other night before we went out to dinner with friends. He made the comment “looking for your ring” when I was looking for something on the table - seemed a little aggravated. Told him I forgot to put my rings back on. Should I take them off and leave off? Will this get the message to him I’m ready to move on and not clinging? Since he says he’s confused will this hurt or help my situation. Haven't seen this topic addressed anywhere.
I can only tell you that I kept my rings on (I have two; one W gave me on our 10th anniversary) until WAW confirmed she was continuing her PA and would not stop it. She kept wearing both her rings (she has two wedding rings) for a long time but now is wearing only one of them.
Then, several months later, when (I think) her PA stopped, I put them on when I saw her on our infrequent "dates." But sometimes on our "dates" I don't wear them — I want to keep her guessing.
Spouses and ex-spouses DO notice rings or the lack thereof. They are important messengers.
<b>Spouses and ex-spouses DO notice rings or the lack thereof. They are important messengers.</b>
They may or maynot notice but in the long run it means little or nothing in terms of your DB-ing.(The taking on and off of rings is little more than affectation...telegraphed for your partner to see)
What it comes down to ultimatley is wether your partner WANTS come back, that will have not have been influeneced by the dance of the rings.
Try2 if you are happy leaving it on then do so and then let the issue rest.Real DB ing is waiting to be done.
A never ending circle, symbolic of marriage. If another ring on another finger broke, would you stop wearing it, or no? To you, is the marriage broke? So you just need the ring sized? Is it trashed (damaged beyond repair) and needing to be placed in a memory box? Or is it just in need of a cleaning? Soul searching time.
The ring means nothing to some, and some deaply in love forever married couples never exchanged rings. What does it represent to you? What does the putting on of one, or the taking off of one mean to you? What are you wanting to say to yourself? Don't think about him, he may not hear the message, misinterpret it, not care, etc. Any number of responses. You.
Signed the separation papers yesterday and he signs for the his townhouse 23 Aug. Our plans are to tell our 11 year old D 30 Aug about the separation. H wants to take time in Sept to have D help fix up his new place and get used to the idea of being separated. H asked yesterday if I had thought about what to say if D refuses to accept our separation news. Told him I thought she had to abide by the adults decision. Later on in the evening I asked if he knew what he was going to tell her if she became stubborn that a separation wasn't going to happen. Said he had no idea. This whole thing is so sad because I know in my heart if the OW was out of the picture we could make this marriage work. Unfortunately, the OW is getting exactly what she wants now and the next will be a divorce probably in about 6 mos which is the minimum time for VA. Still trying to "act as if" but doesn't seem to be doing much good. He has managed to make sure he will not be around much in Aug with 3 business trips planned (at least 1 of which he is seeing the OW who lives in LA)so I guess I won't have much opportunity for more DBing except on the phone and that's assuming he even asks to speak to me. I know all I can do is try to keep a PMA which is really hard right now. I think he keeps hoping I'll move into the townhouse and he, our D, and his 86 yr old father can stay in our house. H keeps focusing on my D's safety with just me in the house yet we live in a very safe neighborhood. I just keep reassuring him she will be fine. He seemed a little aggravated that I visited with our friends after the papers were signed last night. Stopped by the friends, but didn't tell him where I was going. Truthfully, after signing the papers I didn't think it was any of his business any longer. I don't really want to resort to the "after LRT" yet but since the A seems to be continuing should I start when he moves out? Feeling very lost today with no direction. Need support and guidance!
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