Hey all. Thanks so much for stopping by it really means alot to me.
OK after reading about those temps I guess its not so bad here after all, lol.
I just read back over one of my earlier post's and realised an untruth.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ She do's make more reference's about SD in her conversations so is seemingly more comfortable about discussing her "friendship". Why I dont know or care much. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now I have to fess up. It do's bother me. Not as much anymore, but it do's. So I still have some work to do on my emotional front page. And I still need to work harder on taking some of my own advice. No you cant control your emotions, you can only try and manage them. And understand them and try and make bettor decisions. Sure it's about why you feel that way. But its what you do afterwards that makes the difference.
Cog. Please dont take any note's from my post's. You will find few words of wisdom if any. I must admit at first I was very uncomfortable when I seen them show up. But as time went own for some reason I felt bettor and bettor. The first time I saw him again, a few months when he dropped the X off at home, I couldnt face it. But now it was different. I even went out of my way to sit next to him and his W at one point. Funny, I even look forward in a way to seeing them again soon. For some reason I think it will make me feel stronger. I guess its the whole facing your own demons thing, heh, heh.
The other thing is the whole sex issue. Some how I've had plenty of women and done all I wanted to do. Thats not a boast and nothing to be proud of, TRUST me. Thats one of the reasons I have decided to go the other way when it comes to that.But it worry's me that I might not feel the same way about another woman. After all is said and done I've never had this type of desire or feelings for somebody like this. At times I hate it. What if it never happens again? And why is it this one? I dont get it.
Ah well, another hill to overcome. And I will. Someday.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blues Lyrics - Susan Tedeschi It Hurt So Bad
I miss the arms that used to hold me The tender way we used to kiss I miss the way that you touch me I miss the sweet taste of your lips I was a fool to ever leave you You were a fool to let me go Oh it's so lonesome, lonesome here with out you Oh how I miss you so It hurt, it hurt, it hurt so bad You were the best man I ever had Why was I so blind to see? Now the biggest fool is me I miss the arms that used to hold me The tender way we used to kiss Ooo, yes, ooo, I miss the way that you touch me I miss the sweet taste of your lips It hurt, it hurt, it hurt so bad 'Cause, ooh, you were the best man I ever, ever, ever had Why was I so blind to see And now the biggest fool is me Oh Oh what a fool I was darlin', yes And oh you were a fool to let, let me go, why did you let me go? It's so lonesome here with out you Oh how I miss you so Oh Oh now yes Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it oh lord no! I miss you oh yeah! Come back Oh! come back to me, yes Oh how I miss you Oh I miss you so Oh Oh Lordy, Lordy, Lordy ooh Don't do it, Oh! Come on baby Come back to me Oh how I miss you so How I miss you so Oh,oh,oh,ooooo, Lord now Oh I miss you baby --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The first time I heard this song was in a little town named Gettysburg about 6 years ago. You may have heard of it. I was in a brew pub with my brother. It was shortly after our first major crisis and my W's first A. At the time we were very much in love again. It just popped up on the radio. Cosmic justice, or old karma coming back to me? Is there a difference?
A thing for the blues? Me too. Good stuff to listen to, ain't it? Love to blast BB King when I'm in a funk.
Jim, it gets easier over time. Trust me. But it does sound like your ex trusts you though. I would think that's a good thing.
No clue what goes on in their heads though. Wish I knew. Somedays I can't figure out what goes on inside of my own head and I'm female hee hee. Maybe that's the problem? Women really are from outer space?
Can't wait for this weekend. Sorry we won't have any hockey, I think that would have been fun. I'm not much of a hockey fan but Toledo usually does have some decent hockey... saw a few Goaldigger and Red Wings games when I was younger. Sounds like the six of us will have a blast. I haven't had a weekend out of this area in I don't know how long. And in my hometown. What more fun can a gal ask for? Take care of yourself.
Thanks Blu! Susan palys a kind of bluesy rock. A bit of the garage bans sound. This ones from the same alblum and a little on the "ahem' racier side.
You say you haven't been rocked in a long, long time Oh, good, hard rockin' is so hard to find baby Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you shout Oh, your homemade lovin' done knocked me out baby Oh, now I've looked long enough for you And let's see if you know what I'm fixin' to do baby Oh, you wanna little love and that's alright Oh, your fruit ain't rotten it's oh so right Oh now, your mama sure done raised you right When it comes to home cookin' you eat every bite Take your sweet time... got all night... I'm gonna show you how to rock me right
Come on and rock me right... Rock me right... Rock me right... I'm gonna show you how to rock me right Rock me right oh... oh lord...
Well your stomach starts growling, I know what you need baby Oh, fix me up something salty and sweet Oh, now homemade cookin' always does the trick Oh, your cotton ain't rotten just needs to be picked Oh now, your mama sure done raised you right When it comes to home cookin' you eat every bite Take your sweet time... got all night... I'm gonna show you how to rock me right
Come on and rock me right... Oh, rock me right... Rock me right... I'm gonna show you how to rock me right Oh, come on and rock me right lord... Oh, rock me right now... Yeah, rock me right...
I'm gonna show you how to rock me right Show me how you do it darlin'... Show me how you do it baby... Rock me all night...
The other thing is the whole sex issue. Some how I've had plenty of women and done all I wanted to do. Thats not a boast and nothing to be proud of, TRUST me. Thats one of the reasons I have decided to go the other way when it comes to that.But it worry's me that I might not feel the same way about another woman. After all is said and done I've never had this type of desire or feelings for somebody like this. At times I hate it. What if it never happens again? And why is it this one? I dont get it.
Ok well, ah what exactly does this mean? Your not thinking of jumping the fence are you? Not that there's anything wrong with that!!!! You did say something right though, you might not like other women after you've changed sides!!
Oh Jimbo, sometimes I think that you're awfully hard on yourself. No you're not perfect, (did you just realize that?) and where on earth does it say that you have to be totally at peace with the person that broke up your marriage? The kicker to all of this is that he (the OM) is already married, where would the respect for a person such as this come from?
The only reason that you need to change your attitude is for you and so that you can feel better about the hand that you were dealt. It's not your job in the least to make them feel comfortable with all of the lives that they have screwed up or for the ones that are yet to be screwed up.
Sweetie, we all love you the way you are. Personally, I know more than a few of us here who share the same quirky vision of life. Maybe that's why we all have hit it off so well!
Thats one of the reasons I have decided to go the other way when it comes to that.But it worry's me that I might .... Ya James some clarification please! LOL C.
I think I understand, your not going to give yourself to just anyone, right?
Hey all, I just got locked out of my thread and I really need some input on a kind of serious matter. Can you please check out my new thread at CogsThread
Thanks,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
James, you sound like you're getting there. You sound good. Despite the real challenges you face, you're growing up and (I think) realizing that it's not that bad. Cool!
I especially liked your's & COG's comments re: relationships on pg 3. But I agree with COG - you can't 100% guarantee anything, just be the best you can be and continue to grow and do things smarter instead of hitting the feeder bar of instant gratification.
I would add though, that if you truly are in your spiritual walk, than God is #1 over everything. He's first. Over family, friends, relationships, kids, work, home...Remember Abraham.
I think that when we do that, and continue to get better at doing that, the rest comes into place. Doesn't mean the trials end -to the contrary, we're expected to endure more trials than a non-believer. Just we have a strong foundation and support system. God wants us to lean on Him and gain our strength from Him.
Also, I find that the more we take focus off of ourselves and our situations, the better we are too. I understand in this forum it's hard to guage sometimes. Like on my thread, I only post when I have something to say or when I'm feeling restless in some way so my posts can be construed as my whining or being shallow.
So I guage instead by the voice - and as I said at the top, your voice is sounding pretty strong. Except for the suicide commentary. But hey, a male associate pointed out to me that I sure like to talk about smacking people. I wasn't aware of that but since he told me, I am and I've worked on it:).
In my own life, I think Beau & I are still a little shocked that we'd be into each other. I don't think we're each other's typical "type". And neither of us hurt for attention from the opposite sex. Just we're on the same page in so many ways and, as I've documented on my thread, we're slower than a sloth delivering molasses in January.
I sure never thought I'd ever feel this way about anyone again, much less in a healthy way. It's completely frustrating on one level. I think he avoids me so he doesn't accidentally grab me and it's fine with me cause I'm in danger of that myself. But on another level, it's something I should have done when I was young and like most, didn't.
And put me in the "rather have sex than eat" category. All this going to waste as another female put it here. People laugh when I say I'm going to hurt the first guy I get with. But I imagine it will still be a ways off.
Your right of course. Changing ones attitude and becoming a bettor person for it is the heart of DBing. Yes at first its becuase we want to save or marriage and perserve our family's. But at some point the little refrigerator lightbulb has to come on and we realise that it has to be for ourselve's. Becuase in the end we have to save ourselve's first. That can be a hard lesson to learn.
Believe me I have no respect for somebody that seemingly has no care about how his actions may affect others. All affair's, whatever the initial cause's, are the ultimate act of selfisness. Yes it is partially my fault for helping to create the environment that would make such a thing appealing. But ultimately its a question of individual choice's. I choose not to go there. That dosnt make me a candidate for sainthood. But it do's mean that I think I have a slightly bettor understanding of what is right and wrong and the reasoning behind it. I do not fear my emotions anymore but I think I recognise them a little bettor and seek to understand them so that they will no longer dictate my life to me. I dont think the X has come to that point yet but hopefully she will for her own sake. But then again, What do I know? Heh, heh. And really its not a question of respect. Its a question of being at peace with your situation as best you can for yourself. And a matter of forgiveness. Whats the saying? Forgiveness is a gift you give to others and ultimately to yourself? How can we wish for a forgiving heart If we do not cultivate one within ourselve's? Wise words from the New Testament.
Yes it bothered me to see them together again. And the thought that this other person seems to have everything going for him, he has his wife and family, and my wife too. It spoke strongly to feelings of injustice and fairness. But hey life isnt fair sometimes. And also I think the ego. Im not saying that it dosnt hurt us all. But I think for a man its a little harder to accept. But that is pride. And we all know the saying about pride dont we? And I did have a hard time understanding how two people could seem to have no sense of guilt or remorse while this women was standing there seemingly oblivious to the whole thing. It kind of helped put things in perspective for me. It want about me so much anymore. I felt a little sorry for her. But then again perhaps its a good thing she do'snt know. At least she has been spared that indiginity and pain. Lucky for her.
Thanks for stopping by sweetie.
Jim
Heart of the Matter Don Henly
I got the call today, I didn’t wanna hear But I knew that it would come An old, true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone She said you’d found someone And I thought of all the bad luck, And the struggles we went through And how I lost me and you lost you What are these voices outside love’s open door Make us throw off our contentment And beg for something more? I’m learning to live without you now But I miss you sometimes The more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again I’ve been tryin’ to get down To the heart of the matter But my will gets weak And my thoughts seem to scatter But I think it’s about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore These times are so uncertain There’s a yearning undefined And people filled with rage We all need a little tenderness How can love survive in such a graceless age? The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness They’re the very things - we kill I guess Pride and competition Cannot fill these empty arms And the work I put between us You know it doesn’t keep me warm I’m learning to live without you now But I miss you, baby And the more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I’d figured out I have to learn again I’ve been trying to get down To the heart of the matter But everything changes And my friends seem to scatter But I think it’s about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore There are people in your life who’ve come and gone They let you down you know they hurt your pride You better put it all behind you baby; life goes on You keep carryin’ that anger; it’ll eat you up inside, baby I’ve been trying to get down To the heart of the matter But my will gets weak And my thought seem to scatter But I think it’s about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don’t love me I’ve been tryin’ to get down To the heart of the matter Because the flesh will get weak And the ashes will scatter So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don’t love me Forgiveness Forgiveness - baby Forgiveness Forgiveness Forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, you don’t love me anymore
Take care of yourself. 