I am just too "responsible" to have a true MLC...but if I didn't have kids in college and a mortgage to pay I would sell everything and go to the beach, like Pammie, only my beach would be in the south of Italy! I would buy a cute little Italian house in the country, like in Under the Tuscan Sun
...but it would have to be close to the beach! Aww heck, since I am in Italy, I'll get that Lamborghini too!
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
I probably too am too "responsible" to have a real MLC. Besides, I've got too many bills to pay and things to do with money in real life.
And I defintely wouldn't do one with drugs or drinking or slutting around to dull my reality and perception. There's this little thing I have about ignoring reality... I can't do it!
Unfortunately, I'm not Italian and I live in Ohio. So it's highly unlikely I'll have a Lambo and a beach hut soon... it'll be more like a dreaming about new sedan and a condo in the burbs for the time being. The closest thing I'll get to a beach house is visiting my sister in Cali, and the closest I can probably afford to a Lambo is a Mustang.
But heck, dreaming sometimes is good for the soul.
I probably too am too "responsible" to have a real MLC. Besides, I've got too many bills to pay and things to do with money in real life.
And I defintely wouldn't do one with drugs or drinking or slutting around to dull my reality and perception. There's this little thing I have about ignoring reality... I can't do it!
Unfortunately, I'm not Italian and I live in Ohio. So it's highly unlikely I'll have a Lambo and a beach hut soon... it'll be more like a dreaming about new sedan and a condo in the burbs for the time being. The closest thing I'll get to a beach house is visiting my sister in Cali, and the closest I can probably afford to a Lambo is a Mustang.
But heck, dreaming sometimes is good for the soul.
I think I mentioned this before, that I had a guy where I work that I call Cotton Hill (Hank Hill's daddy).
This guy is rude, crude, meaner than a hungry bear, and about a half foot shorter than me. In other words, he's got a huge Napoleon complex.
I came to the end of my rope with him today. He's got this proposal going out the door, and it's written like cr@p. I have been dealing with this guy long enough. He will not take any suggestions to make things work smoother. This guy is always delegating stuff, doesn't have a clue what happens so long as what it is he wants done is done... then hides the fact it's poorly done... and then when he gets complaints, he blames everyone else. People actually live in terror of this guy. But he's a head honcho.
I've sweet talked him before. I've stood up in front of him, with my arms cross before in 4" high heels (oh he did not like THAT one!), I've been "real" with him... I've tried every trick I can think of. Nothing sticks with him. He just will treat me and the rest of the marketing/business development staff like cr@p.
I told him today, "Cotton, you need to leave me 2 or 3 hours editing time after this proposal is done because it severely needs editing." I gave him examples of the poor work. I told him a firm commitment to the time I could turn the work around with. I told him that there are serious problems that make our company look amatuerish.
But....it goes on deaf ears. He starts yelling so he doesn't hear me. "G--damnit, I'm principle in charge and I decide when something is done. I'll consider it... yada yada yada." He was downright crude at a couple of point.
When is enough enough? This company's honeymoon period is OVER. And I'm winning converts slowly to how they are producing their written materials. But this man is impeding my progress and it's frustrating me.
I know it's off off off topic, but anyone have any ideas how to deal with a die hard Napoleon?
I can't think of another thing to do here. The only other thing I can think of is to go over this guy's head to the COO, which I really have no desire to do. Cotton Hill just sucks the wind out of my sails at times.
Geeze KB, Sounds like you had a helluva day!!! Sorry about that. Can certainly relate....had the cops at work today as one of my coworker's SO took their son and she had a PPO against him.
You had said something in one of the threads about possibly being in Michigan soon. When might that be? A few of us are getting together next weekend (19th or 20th, I think) for dinner. Whenever you get to MI, let me know and we'll work something out to meet. Jill
Thanks for putting it all into perspective! I am so glad I don't have to see cops coming into work to enforce restraining orders. OMG, that had to been a nerve wrecking time!
As for Michigan, I don't think I'll be up there before sometime late April or early May. Have to check with my daughter to see when the next go-round with the college visits happen.
Well, things are being dealt with re Cotton Hill. I think this will be better from here out, I had a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg discussion with my director and some staff members today. I think they do see me as change agent in some ways, which is a comment I had gotten in my interviews there from one of the owners. This to me is difficult because I know one of my major roles: as editor, takes a lot of diplomacy and decision-making. I need to balance what I see as "perfect"--what I know can be against not only budget but as stepping on someone's toes (trying to work with the idea that materials are not "owned" by an individual but that copyright and intellectual property laws state that these works belong to the company). So it's a matter of really a change process. And while I am challenged by that, Cotton Hill sure makes it hard for me.
And of course............. In the back of my mind, I'm reminding myself "it's only corporate politics, and you have goals beyond that to be on your own and running your own business some day." But then I rope myself back into reality and say "you have to EAT and pay bills now" LOL. And I realize I'm probably as big of a hard head as Hank Hill's daddy hee hee. I never could roll over and play nice when it came to my sphere of influence on the job, that's for sure. I always played "nice in the sandbox" but had a manager/supervisory role. This job, I'm the lone duck, the lone writer, the lone ranger.... not as many resources or people to count on as before. So I have to learn how to deal with this a bit better. Overall, not unhappy. But just learning to cope with a company that really is going through puberty and me wanting so badly to say "We can do that.... we need to change this or that" and then hearing "no we can't.... THIS is how it needs to be done... it's ALWAYS been done that way." This is a perplexing thing for me. But someone recently told me that perplexity was the beginning of learning. So maybe there's a real lesson in all of this for me.
And on other fronts, my ex is squeaking. Gawd, I wish I could make him go away forever. My youngest had dinner with him a week or so agao and we talked a bit about it. The dim bulb bimbo is still in the picture, bimbo was there when she showed up. Puke.
And karma being what it is, my life coach and I were talking about how I'd deal with him if he ever popped back into my life through the kids. I don't want to deal with it, but I know it's something I will need to. I can't stick my head in the sand about it since the youngest kid is going to graduate HS this summer. But for me, it's very hard to even visualize myself being anything more that civilly COLD to his nasty ass after everything he did to me.
Perhaps I still hold a grudge and that's the wall I'm up against. I am very self-protective after all he's done and what we went through so he could be "happy" regardless of how anyone else felt or thought. I think in someways I resent how he had to control the entire decision and not be open or honest with anyone, especially me--the person whose life he most affected. Perhaps somewhere down inside I resent what I had to give up... a marriage, home, family, life I really loved and my financial stability so he could d!ck around with a dim witted idiot of a slut. Yeah, I know that is really a mean thing to say and it's actually focused on my own anger.
But... does that ever really go away? Is there a time when anyone can truly say, "It's really gone?" Everytime I think I have, something in my life keeps reminding it's still there. And the irony of it all is... I wouldn't want him back in my life for all the tea in China. The man he became is vacant, absent in the head, so cruel if he doesn't get his own way, very impetuous, and disrespectful. I don't know if I can ever want him again after all he said and did. And yet, I have to cope with reality: he's the father of my children, he probably will play whackamole again.
I think my biggest problem is one of expectations still. I expect him to still be the man I knew before... kind, respectful, affectionate, sexy, and intelligent. And the image I have of him now as nothing but a whoreboy on dope is too much for me to rationally cope with!
Something just struck me about your post, RE: Cotton Mouth..Hill...or whatever...
Quote : "G--damnit, I'm principle in charge ....yak yak yak....
The more I think about it, the less I like this guy...and I'll tell you why:
You are FEMALE employee....as well as a new one. Does he talk to ALL females, using such language ? That would have been a great time to say: " Bye bye, fat boy...I will not allow you to talk to me that way." And then walk out.
This could have been the basis of a MAJOR lawsuit, yanno...
And the big bosses KNOW it. You could have really tagged this dude by walking out....and scored major points with the big bosses. It would have told them that you arent going to take that kind of language from ANYONE at work...especially someone in charge....and as a result....they would have either : A: Paid you a handsome settlement and allowed you to leave, or B: Had the big boss call you and talk you into coming back...with certain conditions being met...( increase in salary....more influence, etc.)
I see it as a no lose proposition...but the opportunity was lost....dang it ! ( doesnt it suck that hindsight is 20/20 ?)
It might seem risky to some people...but it's how one gets a little respect in the corporate world sometimes...if played carefully.
Cajones.
I once folded my notebook closed when a CEO balked at letting me see some very private financial info....telling him " I dont think I'm your man, Mr XXX. If I am to do what you ask.....and do it correctly..I have to use this info for my calculations. If you cannot accomodate me, then maybe you ought to get someone else....but I assure you, his work wont be as accurate as mine. You called me because I came highly recommended to you, by Mr ZZZ, and I'm sure you have heard of my work from him. If you want second best work...then you need to get a second class planner." ( or something to that effect) Well, the guy folded...and they are still a very profitable client for me. The point here is that he was all bluster.....big guy, lots of money ( new money)...and expected everyone to kiss his A$$. But I had already noticed how he treated them after they did. He OWNED them.
You did good.....dont get me wrong. But if someone would have talked to my sweety like that...he'd be on crutches today. ( assuming she left any part of him unbroken before I got to him)
I know how at peace you've been with the X out of sight for so long. I guess you figured he would poke his head into the kids' lives eventually, but it actually happening is another matter. The one thing I've learned through all of this is that you can't control what other people do. As far as the bimbo goes, well, don't they deserve one another? I wish mine had stayed with his, but she didn't want that. At the very least, H would have stayed out of MY life if she had, so it would have been a good thing for me if they had stayed together. I wanted her to stay with him long enough to realize how low maintenance I am. But I do know that he now understands that he was the one who was wrong. Or at least I think I do. But when you have kids together, there is not a whole lot you can do to get them permanently out of your life.
You can handle Cotton Hill. After your H, you can handle anyone.
You make a good point. I don't like this guy either. Unfortunately, I have to work with it. The deal is with this situation is that the place is so darned "politically correct" -- meaning nicey-nicey. But yeah, this guy did this in the privacy of his own office. I held my ground and quietly told him, "I am only concerned about the quality of the proposal. There are serious problems in it."
Obviously, he didn't hear or care. And he's got a leg up. It's called the good old boy network at play.
The nice way it got handled was there was a series of closed door discussions about the situation and asking if I were "uncomfortable." Well, hell yeah! But they aren't going to can this guy, either. And you and both know that there will be backlining going on.
However, if this can be construed as harassment... I doubt it. I do NOT have the ability to back this up nor do I have the ability to prove that this is consistent behavior out of this guy. Further, I don't think I wish to go against him and start a campaign against him. The deal is he keeps getting a lot of "repeat" business that ultimately concerns me looking forward. The work he is chasing is fine. No problem. But if we're to grow the firm, we need to fix a few things and get some newer clients/work in the door. I have a problem kissing butt just to accommodate some sacred cow, but I guess I have to pull back and get some objectivity in the situation. I'm trying hard not to see this situation as one where the firm isn't resisting change. I discussed this in our "nice" meetings.
I will hang low for a bit, and see what happens as I start on a few other plans. My only concern in that company is to produce proposals and documentation-->that is why I was hired. To do that will require some changes, and I did discuss the idea of dropping a new person into an existing process that doesn't work (it's chaos, honestly) doesn't immediately solve the situation.
But of course...I noted this before as well. During my INTERVIEW with the owner and the COO. I discussed with them that the organization WILL change because they are dropping in a brand new position and none of them had any idea of what a tech writer/comm pro does.
So, we'll see. I know they had a very hard time attracting this talent to the firm. Tech comm/writing talent is difficult to come by. There are only about 200 or so of us in SW Ohio, and I can probably name half of them
Honestly, I think this guy is threatened somehow. There are "ownership" issues involved in this. (Deal with anyone who has written something and they really have a hard time accepting editiorial work done because they view it personally if they have NO exposure to this world.) Obviously, a day of writing for a newspaper or a professional publication would give them a heart attack hee hee, most editors preparing work for print would have even been more difficult to deal with than I had been. It's not a power play, what it is is an adherence to standards and solid language principles. This guy does not understand that because he's never worked with anyone who has that as their role.
So...........it's a trip. I was absolutely spoiled on my last job. I had a service line director who got a kick out of red pens! He was the type of guy who was extremely sensitive to how he looked to the public and was AWARE of the image. Unfortunately, I'm in a firm that doesn't quite understand that yet. They feel just "looking good" through dress and being "overly polite" does it. They don't "get" that we need to thoroughly document and explain problems and solutions to clients on THEIR terms, not just throw a bunch of gobbledegook out there about how the company does things..............arghghg. What this guy didn't like was that I pointed out a slew of obvious errors and that I had actually done the analysis of our audience, the language, and the readability of that document. An editor's role takes on the perceptions of the reader or evaluator, not the side for the writer.... it's a position I don't think this this company gets yet and they can point to the past and say "we won this work before doing it this way." And it's hard to prove my "bottom line" value with that thought. And unfortunately, these guys DON'T get feedback about WHY they lose when they do. They might be a "debrief" but that focuses only basically on a scoring matrix that lines up skills/needs with the RFP requirements. I can't do a direct correlation to language/presentation to these matrix evaluations-->mainly because I don't have acess to them.
Unfortunately, I do have a passion for this work. And this situation just kind of bugs me. Nothing about editing is meant to be taken personally. And for me, it's a waste of my talent and their dollar in my view for me to sit on my hands and say "yes boss, it's good and holy because YOU wrote it."
Unfortunately, this situation will get stranger before it gets better I suspect. One of the good old boys mentioned a proposal we sent to a local county when I was working with my old firm. We tried to woo this county for YEARS, with no luck. But it never was a big deal for us, we had plenty of other clients in the area and there was some political backlining going on with the county commissioners. It happens. But they found out one of the desktop publishers put an image in the proposal that they county commissioners didn't like--actually an innocent one of a farmhouse that they had on their WEBSITE ha ha!! So that story of course got tossed around to undermine my credibility, although at the time I wasn't even working proposals at the firm but was getting billed out doing use case interviews and working on development teams.
Go figure!! I'm not discouraged or feeling awful about this situation. But I'm definitely not about to let it go. I'll get some perspective and deal with it in my own way. If that means I hightail it out of there, I will. There's actually a lot of work out there to be had..... I know my stuff. I guess I don't know how to deal well with this corporate culture or how to "sell" these services to neophytes who just have never had the "pleasure" of being edited? I don't know. All I know is when I have to read their stuff three and four times to understand it, the client certainly has problems understanding it as well. I guess I'm raising the bar of quality, and I don't know how to do that!
I have to admit, it bugs me to even think he might pop up in my life somewhere. I really don't want him to. And I understand that with kids, it's nothing more than a fantasy to think he never will. Someone asked me about him walking my daughters down the aisle when they get married.
Having the picture in my head only makes me mad!! It's not because he doesn't "deserve" this honor. It's because why should he do this after he hurt them so badly... why would he even want to... why would the girls even want to? He doesn't even realize he hurt anyone, let alone HOW and WHY.
Admittedly, that is pure theory at this point. Even my oldest one (25) doesn't show any indication she'll be getting married soon. But there are plenty of graduations and events in the future that will revolve around those kids. One is graduting HS this year, another graduating college next year, one will be graduating from tech college in the next year or so, and yet another will be obtaining a PhD in the near future... And I just don't think I can share that joy with him, at least yet. I know it's really the girls' joy... they're the ones who will be accomplishing something that day. And we both did raise them, until he bailed over 3 years ago. But he's refused to really support them as a dad. He hasn't even acknowledged to the girls that I'm their mother since he's left! And he has never once contacted me to be friendly. Every time he did, he wanted something. When I needed someting--like oh say, having him sign the deed on the house--he ran for the hills and refused to cooperate.
My mind is goofy on this issue! And oh yeah.... does he deserve that dingdongy bimbo. Based on what my kids say, my ex behaves rather guilty and almost talks to himself when they do see him. But I'm not here to appease him by begging him to be a real parent just so he can argue more with me and twist the situation around with the argument he used before... "you only are using the kids to keep me in your life." How does anyone deal with that?! Totally a circular argument that shoves everyone off.
