I guess I've gotten too used to feeling rejected. I really didn't think about it until he surprised me like that. It is a good thing.
H's car broke down today. He spent the entire day working on the car. We were supposed to go out tonight. I kept trying to reach him to see how work on the car was going, but didn't see him until he came home... right around the time we were supposed to leave. He said he needed to shower. I asked him if he was still thinking about going out and he went off. He was raving about the car and the cost and the research he still needed to do. When I asked him if I could fix his dinner, he started in on how I should go ahead and go out and how there was nothing I could do to help...
He was just awful, so I asked him "Why are you talking to me in that tone?" He barked back, "I'm not talking to you in a tone. I'm just trying to get you to understand that this takes priority over anything else we're doing this weekend." I said, "I never said it wasn't a priority." He carried on his tirade a little more subdued after that; and I realized that he was probably venting more than anything so I let him go until he petered out.
He finally asked me what I was going to do for dinner; and I told him I was going to call our friends to cancel, so I could stay home and get some things done around the house. He went to take a shower, while I got dinner ready.
When he got out of the shower, he came into the kitchen and apologized to me for griping at me when I hadn't done anything. Will wonders ever cease? I remained calm and supportive. He apologized. This DB stuff really works.
Ooops! I got home last night and nearly snapped H's head off. I simply had a nasty tirade for ten minutes over something small. When I was done, I apologized for being so nasty and foul tempered. When I was really feeling in a better mood, I apologized again. At that point, H said that he liked "mean-z". I said, "No, you don't. How could you?" He said that it spiced things up a little. Yeah, right.
I've been in a bad mood about work this week. Today, I did a better job of not dragging it home with me. H is working on a project in the basement right now, so I've been running up and down the steps, dancing around and making faces at him. Silly-z has a way of keeping Mean-z at bay.
I got us a pair of foam disk guns for Christmas this year. It's been the best tension breaker. When one of us is cranky or being a jerk, the shooting starts. Before you know it we're rushing around the house, dodging disks and scrambling to get new ammunition off of the floor. It usually stops when one of us starts laughing too hard.
While H has been working on his project, I've been taking advantage of the time to watch the ultimate chic flick... "Pride and Prejudice." I used to watch it every week when we were seperated, but it's not something he could sit through. I must say I was impressed that he caught enough of what was going on to respond to some of the comments I made about it this evening. That's much more than I expecte.
Quote: I got us a pair of foam disk guns for Christmas this year. It's been the best tension breaker. When one of us is cranky or being a jerk, the shooting starts. Before you know it we're rushing around the house, dodging disks and scrambling to get new ammunition off of the floor. It usually stops when one of us starts laughing too hard.
I love it! That is so fun! I'm also glad you seem to be posting a bit more lately! thanks for posting on my thread and saying it like it is...I need a reality check and am usually not very good at giving them to myself!
I'm still incredibly busy with our Italian club, but I've also added a little side project. The Pollyanna Glad Club at http://bookclub.meetup.com/363/ I'm probably going to be journaling over there more, trying to keep my positive attitude.
It's a very nice place, because we keep stringent rules of conduct. Stinkin' thinkin' and anything that could lead to it just isn't allowed.
Let's face it. Pollyanna gets a bad rap. She actually had a valuable message to share. I certainly don't think that I'd be piecing today if I gave into doom.
I had a funny exchange with my H the other day. I was hanging on him and telling him how much I love him. We were cuddling and talking. He started in again about how he just isn't so sure about what love is as I am.
His analogy:"I don't know if I'm in love. I know I've got to take a sh**." My husband and I were having an intimate heart-to-heart and this is his contribution, the sum total of his insights on love. Well, I cracked up laughing. In fact, I laughed for two days. When I finally stopped laughing I did tell him that I understood his point.
I also told him that I know that I love him, because it's a decision one makes. I know that I'll always love him because I'm a stubborn-head.
My thread disappeared. Cool. No real news to report. Our Italian group incorporated. My Pollyanna Glad Club is growing too, which is strange. Take care everyone. -- z
Quote: His analogy:"I don't know if I'm in love. I know I've got to take a sh**."
I have a theory... If I can talk about poo, or farts with a person, there is a intimate level there that is not shared with many people...
The only people I talk about my poo with is:
Wife
Son (he is potty training and he likes to go through the house yelling "Dad pooped mommy, Dad pooped" when I fart or have a movement)
Best Friend (Some interesting shapes come out)
My Dr.
Remember men talk about these 5 things the most... and not in any paticular order...
Poo
Getting some
Star Wars
Football
Food
Its a comfert level thing!!!
You have come a long way baby!!! Keep up the good work!
Ciao, tutti! I've been working on this post for two weeks now.... it just keeps growing, so I'd better post it.
So things are going okay right now. I've been nagged constantly by my biological clock, which means I am not so subtly hung up on people and their children. I have been knitting a baby blanket for two months now. Finally, H announced that his god-daughter is pregnant, which means I finally have someone to give this project to. It also means that I feel like a wretchedly old, failure. It's not that I'm afraid to have children late in life, but my husband doesn't want children. There are times when that is okay with me... this isn't one of them.
H has been in and out of a funk the last few months. This week he seems to be in good spirits, but the job hunting is really starting to get him down. I can tell when he's really bugged about it, because he starts picking on me and and is almost unbearable to be around. He also won't take a compliment, be reasonable, take any constructive action or accept any kind of affection.
Here's an example... A friend of "his" (whom he claims is my friend, not his) asked me if he could help H with fixing our porch. I didn't bring up the subject. I hedged and said something non-committal, like "Oh, I don't think he's going to do that in the autumn."
Now when someone does repeatedly offers their help like this, I think, "Gee he really must want to spend some time with us and be friends." H concluded that our friend thought H was a bum and that I was painting myself as some helpless woman with a worthless husband. H jumped all over my case that I hadn't flat refused the offer. I couldn't get H to point out a single occassion in which I had solicited this man's help in working on the porch. It also made no difference when I pointed out that I hadn't refused, because it was H's project and I didn't want to assume that he didn't want help. Of course the real issue is that H is sensitive about having not fixed the porch yet, but I didn't do anything.
Two weeks ago he was feeling down about his job prospects, and got mad at me for deciding to have the neighbors over for lemonade. I've lived here for seven years and have never once invited the neighbors over, and don't know more than a handful of names, so I thought it was about time that we do something casual with our neighbors. I have to admit that the gathering required sitting in front of our hillbilly porch; and I made the decision unilaterally. I accepted that I would have to put up with a certain amount of flack, but the bile H spewed at me for three days preceding was pretty over the top. He took five minutes helping me deliver the six invitations and then griped at me for thirty minutes afterwards. He hit high dudgeon in the two hours before the gathering, "Don't move the chairs! That lemonade is awful! What is THAT you are making? I don't want a bunch of strange people over here. Just because we live next to each other doesn't mean we need to be friends." It went on and on, until the first person arrived, then he put the dogs on leads and took them out to meet the neighbors. We had a pleasant talk with our neighbors for an hour or so, then they left and we went inside. He hasn't complained since, though I suppose he's still brewing on the fact that I did it in spite of his objections.
Long, very long, story made short... I was right, and he was in a bad mood. The only other person I know who is more negative and has more ego at stake in every little decision is H's even wierder brother. We had BIL over for dinner the other night, and the pompous jerk started telling H about how he should give up trying to get a good job and just get any job, because he "needs" to. I glared at him and said, "No, he doesn't 'need' to do anything other than what he is doing." BIL dropped the subject, a shame because I was ready rip his head off. H always says that I would never stand up for him, but he nearly got a show Saturday night. After they left, H was trying to defend his brother to me, but I wouldn't hear it. I'll be d@mned if that miserable, pompous, jerk is going to sit in our house and imply that my husband has somehow failed and should "give up." Even if it were true, which it isn't, it is hard enough to encourage H and keep him in a good frame of mind without people who supposedly care about him tearing him down.
A few days ago he gave me the almost weekly talk about how I'm amazing to put up with him. I always make him explain my amazingness, because I never get tired of it. I always tell him why I adore him. He never believes me. I went a step further and told him that I knew I wasn't what he wanted in a wife, but that I try to make the best of what I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm medicine... he doesn't like it, but it's good for him. I know that's a little egotistical.
I tease him a lot about his negative attitude. The joke is that everyone is out to get "him." He usually takes it in stride.
Last night, we were watching King of Queens. In the episode they sat down to write their 20 favorite things, then compared lists. They had no matches. It was funny to me, because H likes to go on about how we have nothing in common. After the show, I asked him if he thought we'd have a match. He snorted. Then I said, "What about the dogs? We both love dogs. And I even know things about dog behavior, so you don't have to put up with me being one of those ignorant dog people." I got a hug for that one.
