Here is a 180 that you can do. Tell your wife that you don't want to have sex with her anymore. Why would you want to ML with someone who you have so many angry feelings about?
I'm with SM on this, of course I too fall into the category
Quote:
yet another blue-balled ignoramus
SM -
This is a bit of a delayed response but your stated
Quote:
[sarcasm]Two presents in one week! Aren't you lucky![/sarcasm]
Man ain't that the truth! In fact initially I viewed it that way, though I that view changed rather quickly (few weeks).
hairdog, Welcome to the mid forties! Sorry I'm late with the virtual birthday wishes but I have just got back from a fantastic vacation of two weeks in Florida and 1 week in Devon (England). You have it so great over there in the USA and I love it there. I lived there as a child (New Jersey) and have since been on several vacations to Manhattan and Florida. As soon as you step off the plane you can smell the freedom. Plenty of space and time. Everyone is so polite and friendly. The roads are straight and wide and cars drive at a nice slow pace. Everything is so CHEAP!!! All you can eat and drink for 5 at Sizzler for 40 dollars. In Devon I just paid £50 ($80) for a one course meal with one drink (can of coke). And you have the delicious Mountain Dew! And your gas is so cheap. You don't know how lucky you are. I paid as low as $1.73 a gallon although it was more generally 1.89 I think. You are probably not aware that in England, gas (we call it petrol) is currently £0.83 per litre which is £3.14 per US gallon or approximately $5.34 US dollars per gallon!!! It costs me $80 to fill my Alfa Romeo - Oh - one problem with the USA - no Alfa Romeos. Some European cars Jag, BWM, Merc but not many. No Italian. No French. Mostly Ford, Toyota, Nissan, Hyundai, Honda, Acura and monster Dodge trucks. Mind you we have no US cars over here other than the occasional classic cars. My dad had a white '63 Chevy Impala Bel Air when I lived there. We loved it's huge size and blue seats. Anyhow this has nothing to do with the subject so this is the latest from SuperDave's love life:
Thanks to everyone who posted, and a special welcome back to SuperDave. Can't wait to read about your sitch.
Wife and DD3 are grocery shopping, and I am home working on organizing my workroom, which, hopefully, will be a nice place in which to hide out and make sawdust, noise, use power tools, etc.
Hey HD. Happy belated birthday. It is the day after my first daughter born 8/18/1970. Guess what she is going with a co-worker of mine that is older than I am and a two time loser in the marriage game. My birthday is in September. I missed talking to you guys. Thought I stop in to say Hi.
Jeeze, WWbe...that doesn't sound very good, unless of course you're looking at it from your co-worker's point of view.
Okay, here's my daily dose of weirdness. My older kids apparently told their mom (my ex) that W and I are fighting, threatening divorce, etc. Ex wrote me an email basically telling me that if it doesn't work out, she'd welcome me back. Talk about your fantasies. (hers, not mine). Yeah, that would be just what the doctor ordered - going from a SSM back into a FUM. Still, it's always nice to be wanted. (Tell that to Dillinger).
Nothing much happened this weekend. Enjoyed being out together and doing stuff with W, but it's hard to fully enjoy it when she rarely makes an affirmative move for affection, although she accepts mine.
Quote: Okay, here's my daily dose of weirdness. My older kids apparently told their mom (my ex) that W and I are fighting, threatening divorce, etc. Ex wrote me an email basically telling me that if it doesn't work out, she'd welcome me back. Talk about your fantasies. (hers, not mine). Yeah, that would be just what the doctor ordered - going from a SSM back into a FUM. Still, it's always nice to be wanted. (Tell that to Dillinger).
HD,
That's hysterical! A friend of mine got married for the second time last year. On the eve of his wedding, his ex, who had dumped him five years previously, called him on the phone to ask him if he would consider coming back to her. Talk about too little too late.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Hiya HD... Your X making that comment made me feel bad for W. She has had to make the adjustment from the fantasy romantic internet relationship to living in a new town, new job, 3 stepkids, adopting and becoming a mom herself...but the hardest, by far, IMO, is dealing with a crazy X who still wants you ( not that she is crazy for that...you know what I mean). I think that would tip me over the edge. J
I’ll skip all the quotes and get to the point. To abuse a good Schnarchism, I’m in Hairdog’s boat. And I guess I’m somewhat obtuse, because I still don’t get what the rest of you are trying to tell him.
Like HD, I went into M expecting to have a sex life. As you know, we didn’t. NO sex for 12 years and VERY little for the ensuing 16. I am fully aware that even if only by allowing it to continue, I have contributed to the problem – but by and large, the lack of sex has been her[/] choice and has been enforced by her. Sex is important to me, so this has been a sore point in our R since the second or third day of our M.
Over the years, I’ve always assumed that there was some reason she wouldn’t ML: prior sexual abuse, some idea that “good girls” don’t “do it”, some medical condition that made it painful, who knows. I’ve been very understanding for all of these years. The only pelvic exams she’s ever had were during her pregnancy and during her recent problems leading up to the hysterectomy, but there was never any mention from the doctors of anything abnormal either physically or hormonally. We’ve done the C thing and upped the frequency from never to two or three times a year. She won’t admit to any lack of desire, and in fact, even told the C that we don’t ML often enough. There’s a lot more that I could go on about, but I think those of you I’m directing this to are already familiar with my story.
So the big question is what I’m doing wrong. What expectations do I have that are causing me problems? Am I wrong to expect to have sexual relations with my W? Are you saying that the resolution is for me to stop wanting to ML with her?
I understand that it’s my choice to stay in a sexless M. I understand that if sex is that important to me, I do have the option of getting it elsewhere, ending the M, or whatever. But I’m committed to my W and to the M. I want it to work. I want us both to be happy. I know that I’m ultimately responsible for my own happiness and W is ultimately responsible for hers, but isn’t it a loving goal to want both of us to be happy? I understand that no R is ever perfect, but despite repeated efforts, I’ve been unable to find out what W would like to change. I want more sex and have made that plain. Lack of sex is the one overriding source of my unhappiness. So that unhappiness is caused by my expectations of having sex with my W? So I can become happy by not expecting sex from her?
I’m sorry, but I just don’t buy that. If W had some disability that prevented her from having sex, I would obviously not expect sex from her. But that would in no way mitigate my unhappiness over not having a sex life. Sex was, is, and always be important to me. It has nothing to do with expectations from her or from anyone else. It’s just a fact: the more sex, the greater the happiness.
It's giving me a stomach ache. At first, I was thinking that I should call W up and tell her all about it. However, given that she has reacted so negatively to anything that Ex says or does, I am sure that telling her would be the WRONG thing to do. She would probably feel really threatened. Plus, I remember when my W (before we were married) were going to Jamaica for a week with her family. The night before I left, my Ex showed up in a nice dress, all made up, and tried to "talk sense into me." I mentioned this to my W when I got to Jamaica, and had to deal with her hurt feelings for a day. And that was back when we actually felt passionate for each other.
