Spring is (almost) here - 03/08/09 11:08 AM
Hi,
I just wanted to post a quick update on my own sitch for anyone who remembers it. In fact it will probably not be much different from the last update, but I think there has been slow and steady progress made.
I have decided that I will not move to the piecing board, as I think for my own mental health, if and when I am more confident about my relationship, I will need to take a break from the boards for awhile. It is very difficult for me, even now, to look at situations that are similar to my own. I was in such a dark place, and sometimes even a reminder of this can be too much to handle.
So since the last time I posted, there have not been any more vacations or anything that has had a real impact on the marriage. Valentines Day went by without a mention, kind of strange, but just another day anyway. There have been some very stressful times, as H is really burning himself out with school, work, and travel. At times he has the tendency to get frustrated with me when he feels as though I am not "picking up the slack". He really seems incapable of doing anything at the moment outside of work and school. He is done in June, or end of May actually, so in the meantime I am just doing my best to try and do the things that I can to make life easier, like handling the errands etc. On the occasions where he has gotten frustrated, I've tried my best to just ignore the negatives, and react to the positives. For the most part this has allowed things to blow over quickly.
There are increasing signs of re-commitment though. For example we found a stray dog, and decided to keep him. We are also talking, in very broad terms, about trips next year. We've talked generally about renewing our lease too. H is still going to IC on a weekly basis, and I am very proud of him for doing this. I am not sure what he is capable of emotionally yet, and I think he needs school to finish, and to have some time to unwind before he really can start to work on the R. There are positive signs every now and then that keep me going, and let me know that my efforts are not in vain. H and I were both traveling for business last week, and I was a little frustrated because I hadn't heard from H much. However, when I checked my RL FB account, I saw he had written on a female friend's wall. I looked and it said that he has a "great wife". I could not believe that he said this, and it brings tears to my eyes even now. I guess this helped me to realize that even when I am not getting the direct validation that I want, this does not mean that H is not thinking about me, and noticing what I am doing. I am continuing to be who I am, while trying to avoid any behaviors that contributed to getting us to where we were at bomb-time. I guess in the end that is all I can do, be the better version of myself, and try to be supportive.
Work is going better for me, which is a massive relief. I have absolutely no idea how I managed between June and December. I guess that my career is probably held back a bit because of that time, but I am doing what I can to make up for those 6 months. I never thought I would have my ambition and drive back again, but I do, and I think I am maybe more confident than before, as this situation has taught me what truly matters-and having been through what I've been through, I'm now less intimidated by things and people. I guess I realize how vulnerable everyone really is.
We go to Brazil on Tuesday, which I am very much looking forward to. I am a bit nervous as this is our first vacation alone together in ages. 10 days with just us, means that there is a strong possibility of R talk. We'll just see though. Maybe this relaxation is what we really need. I suspect that it is for my H.
Other than that, I am just doing a lot of thinking about our next steps after H is done with school. We both have really good jobs, and especially in this economy, that is something worth considering. However, we really dislike where we are living, and I want us to make a fresh start and just settle down for awhile. I feel like we have been living this expat life that sounds really glamorous and exciting on paper, but in reality it has meant less stability in our M, and no money saved for buying a house etc. I am not entirely sure how H feels about this, but I think the topic will need to be on the back burner until he finishes school. We've talked about me getting a transfer back to the US, but he's recently gotten a promotion, and he may be hesitant to give up his job. We will have to find something that can suit us both.
Anyway that's my sitch in a nutshell. Life is improving, if slowly, and I just want to let everyone know that there is always hope, no matter how dismal things seem at the beginning.
Hope all is well,
ITH
I just wanted to post a quick update on my own sitch for anyone who remembers it. In fact it will probably not be much different from the last update, but I think there has been slow and steady progress made.
I have decided that I will not move to the piecing board, as I think for my own mental health, if and when I am more confident about my relationship, I will need to take a break from the boards for awhile. It is very difficult for me, even now, to look at situations that are similar to my own. I was in such a dark place, and sometimes even a reminder of this can be too much to handle.
So since the last time I posted, there have not been any more vacations or anything that has had a real impact on the marriage. Valentines Day went by without a mention, kind of strange, but just another day anyway. There have been some very stressful times, as H is really burning himself out with school, work, and travel. At times he has the tendency to get frustrated with me when he feels as though I am not "picking up the slack". He really seems incapable of doing anything at the moment outside of work and school. He is done in June, or end of May actually, so in the meantime I am just doing my best to try and do the things that I can to make life easier, like handling the errands etc. On the occasions where he has gotten frustrated, I've tried my best to just ignore the negatives, and react to the positives. For the most part this has allowed things to blow over quickly.
There are increasing signs of re-commitment though. For example we found a stray dog, and decided to keep him. We are also talking, in very broad terms, about trips next year. We've talked generally about renewing our lease too. H is still going to IC on a weekly basis, and I am very proud of him for doing this. I am not sure what he is capable of emotionally yet, and I think he needs school to finish, and to have some time to unwind before he really can start to work on the R. There are positive signs every now and then that keep me going, and let me know that my efforts are not in vain. H and I were both traveling for business last week, and I was a little frustrated because I hadn't heard from H much. However, when I checked my RL FB account, I saw he had written on a female friend's wall. I looked and it said that he has a "great wife". I could not believe that he said this, and it brings tears to my eyes even now. I guess this helped me to realize that even when I am not getting the direct validation that I want, this does not mean that H is not thinking about me, and noticing what I am doing. I am continuing to be who I am, while trying to avoid any behaviors that contributed to getting us to where we were at bomb-time. I guess in the end that is all I can do, be the better version of myself, and try to be supportive.
Work is going better for me, which is a massive relief. I have absolutely no idea how I managed between June and December. I guess that my career is probably held back a bit because of that time, but I am doing what I can to make up for those 6 months. I never thought I would have my ambition and drive back again, but I do, and I think I am maybe more confident than before, as this situation has taught me what truly matters-and having been through what I've been through, I'm now less intimidated by things and people. I guess I realize how vulnerable everyone really is.
We go to Brazil on Tuesday, which I am very much looking forward to. I am a bit nervous as this is our first vacation alone together in ages. 10 days with just us, means that there is a strong possibility of R talk. We'll just see though. Maybe this relaxation is what we really need. I suspect that it is for my H.
Other than that, I am just doing a lot of thinking about our next steps after H is done with school. We both have really good jobs, and especially in this economy, that is something worth considering. However, we really dislike where we are living, and I want us to make a fresh start and just settle down for awhile. I feel like we have been living this expat life that sounds really glamorous and exciting on paper, but in reality it has meant less stability in our M, and no money saved for buying a house etc. I am not entirely sure how H feels about this, but I think the topic will need to be on the back burner until he finishes school. We've talked about me getting a transfer back to the US, but he's recently gotten a promotion, and he may be hesitant to give up his job. We will have to find something that can suit us both.
Anyway that's my sitch in a nutshell. Life is improving, if slowly, and I just want to let everyone know that there is always hope, no matter how dismal things seem at the beginning.
Hope all is well,
ITH