BUSTED- and still working on it! - 11/12/08 11:13 PM
WE are officially busted! my Hubby is back at home and we are working on our marriage a lot.
in fact this week has been the roughest yet..i backslid and totally rehashed how much hurt he put me through (not getting me cheese). i continued to try and get him to react (still no cheese) and i have been off my rocker.
i guess i have to just realize that my H will go at his own pace and he doesn't want to rush things for us and have us slip back into old patterns. That just makes me feel like he is waiting for us to slip back...and i did.
so i realized i need to get my butt in gear and stop whining to him or reacting. i need to care about myself again and not how much he is hurt or sad, etc. i really need to hear him and validate what he is saying no matter what.
we are trying to make so many life changes that i totally got wrapped up in that and wanted to move, change jobs, etc. yet something has stopped him in his tracks and he needs us to slow own. UGH.
that is hard for me and i feel like he is taking lots of steps back. maybe thats art of the process.
BUT i have to look at thre big piuvture! we areback togther- he is at home every morning and night.
i need to recall all my DB skills.
PMS, GAL, etc.
i learned that these two statements are true.
an idle mind is the devils workshop and
analysis paralysis!
we also had our first couples therapy session with a solution focused therapist and it was ok- brought up a lot of stuff. but that has to happen in order to move forward. ill just hope the next session is more solutions and how to move on. not look back.
anyway- for any one who is struggling out there please click my name and read all my posts - i have been through this H*LL too- and this DB'ing stuff really works. not easy but it works. and you have to continue to do it forever. just to know that this is out there has kept me sane. otherwise we may still be separated or worse.
xo xo P
in fact this week has been the roughest yet..i backslid and totally rehashed how much hurt he put me through (not getting me cheese). i continued to try and get him to react (still no cheese) and i have been off my rocker.
i guess i have to just realize that my H will go at his own pace and he doesn't want to rush things for us and have us slip back into old patterns. That just makes me feel like he is waiting for us to slip back...and i did.
so i realized i need to get my butt in gear and stop whining to him or reacting. i need to care about myself again and not how much he is hurt or sad, etc. i really need to hear him and validate what he is saying no matter what.
we are trying to make so many life changes that i totally got wrapped up in that and wanted to move, change jobs, etc. yet something has stopped him in his tracks and he needs us to slow own. UGH.
that is hard for me and i feel like he is taking lots of steps back. maybe thats art of the process.
BUT i have to look at thre big piuvture! we areback togther- he is at home every morning and night.
i need to recall all my DB skills.
PMS, GAL, etc.
i learned that these two statements are true.
an idle mind is the devils workshop and
analysis paralysis!
we also had our first couples therapy session with a solution focused therapist and it was ok- brought up a lot of stuff. but that has to happen in order to move forward. ill just hope the next session is more solutions and how to move on. not look back.
anyway- for any one who is struggling out there please click my name and read all my posts - i have been through this H*LL too- and this DB'ing stuff really works. not easy but it works. and you have to continue to do it forever. just to know that this is out there has kept me sane. otherwise we may still be separated or worse.
xo xo P
