but I don't really know what.
I'm going over to the house.
D11 is at a birthday party, S14 is in the Outer Banks and I cant stand this apartment anymore.
hmmmm, this might not end up well
I think she is finally going to have some real fun!!!!!
..... update us chicky!!!
Praying all is going well.
It went well.
No drama.
It was awkward at first, no kids to distract us, so I took the ferret out. Shortly thereafter I discovered he has an ant problem and we started working together to remedy that. By the time we were through, we were chatting about the kids and about S14's car they have begun to work on. Then, as luck would have it, my mom called and asked me to meet her on the highway to get S14 so I had to leave.
It was nothing.
But it was good.
It sounds like a HUGE nothing to me.
I could have sworn I heard "DAMMIT" when I pulled into the driveway (not really but I had a moment of feeling like an intruder).
He loosened up, though.
Jazz, it is in the OVERALL picture in which today will register.
For TODAY, it was nothing but for a tomorrow down the road....
See what I'm saying?
We can't look for instant gratification.
We have to look at the big picture.
AmyC,
Don't quit trying. Keep trying to see if this will work for you.
We can't look for instant gratification.
I know, it sucks! We need to receive this, I have been fortunate to receive a lot of this from upper management and clients when I am doing well, which helps immensely.
Shortly thereafter I discovered he has an ant problem and we started working together to remedy that.
and I am a licensed exterminator, i'd be happy to help. Kinda far though.
By the time we were through, we were chatting about the kids and about S14's car they have begun to work on.
Way to funny, also a auto machinest/mechanic building race cars and engines. 25 plus yrs. What kind of car?
Glad it was good!
cire
What did the two of you say when you got out of the car?
Huh?
I knocked on the door.
He said "come in".
I asked if he was busy and said I'd just had to get out of the apartment for a while and thought I'd come by and see what he was up to. He said he was taking a break from working on the back porch.
Shortly thereafter I discovered he has an ant problem and we started working together to remedy that.
and I am a licensed exterminator, i'd be happy to help. Kinda far though.
True. By the time we were through, we were chatting about the kids and about S14's car they have begun to work on.
Way to funny, also a auto machinest/mechanic building race cars and engines. 25 plus yrs. What kind of car?
My husband has even more years under HIS belt. It's a Camry. So H is already cussing about there not being enough room to work on the engine but I knew that was coming because he's always maintained my cars, which were small, too. Glad it was good!
Thanks! cire
My husband has even more years under HIS belt. It's a Camry. So H is already cussing about there not being enough room to work on the engine but I knew that was coming because he's always maintained my cars, which were small, too.
Then he knows better! They always wreck their first ones though. My buddies S17 just parked his HotRod in a ditch last weekend. Now the car sits. I worked on it and built the engine and helped get it going and his parents put WAY to much into it. The boy has no accountability.
Yours won't be that way though!
cire
good job, knew it would be fine all along..... told ya
My husband has even more years under HIS belt. It's a Camry. So H is already cussing about there not being enough room to work on the engine but I knew that was coming because he's always maintained my cars, which were small, too.
Then he knows better! They always wreck their first ones though
BITE YOUR TONGUE MISTER. Don't speak that! . My buddies S17 just parked his HotRod in a ditch last weekend. Now the car sits. I worked on it and built the engine and helped get it going and his parents put WAY to much into it. The boy has no accountability.
Yours won't be that way though!
Actually, no, he won't because he's having to work to pay for all the repairs. H and I will help some but we don't have any extra cash even between the two of us. H had S14 go online to the auto parts store and price everything. It's their project and I'm not getting in the middle of it but H is keeping it real for him and for that, I am glad. The kid isn't going to go tear up something he had to pay to get on the road.
Hear me knocking on wood yet? cire
Hey Amy!
Made it back last night. In my Camry (1998), by the way. I think a Camry is a good choice for keeping him out of trouble, a bit. (The first car I drove a lot was a 1968 Rambler American. Very, very, unsexy! And kind of a tortoise. Then again, I never wrecked it!
I think your afternoon was about exactly right. I think those are the kind of steps that keep things moving in the right direction. I expect it will be painfully slow, and it will be ever so tempting to push things. But like you've been telling Jazz.....don't you dare!
Is you husband going to be able to work soon? It sounds like he is getting more active at home, so that's good!
OJ
Hey OJ.
Yeah he's a little more productive these days.
A little.
He has another checkup next week and will either go back to work or be out for another 2 weeks.
Where the heck IS everybody today?
Good morning Amy, it has been aweful quiet around here lately hasn't it.
Ian
Where the heck IS everybody today?
Hey toots.... what's happening with your Monday?
Mine's going to hell in a handbasket how's yours?
Ohhh... that just won't do... we can't have that.
So far mine's pretty good. Now who's butt do we need to jerk a knot in to get yours goin' better?
Hmmm... okay I was doin' good. I work in a drs. office and we get a lot of drug representatives throughout the day... but we just had one that is wearing clothes to match the new drug shes pushing.... Ummmm... thats a little frightening:o
Ohhh... that just won't do... we can't have that.
So far mine's pretty good. Now who's butt do we need to jerk a knot in to get yours goin' better?
Jazz's?
Hmmm... okay I was doin' good. I work in a drs. office and we get a lot of drug representatives throughout the day... but we just had one that is wearing clothes to match the new drug shes pushing.... Ummmm... thats a little frightening:o
Holy CRAP!
Now THAT is FUNNY.
Mine's going to hell in a handbasket how's yours?
I think I will join you in that description Amy..
Sorry to hear that but you know misery loves company!
Ohhh... that just won't do... we can't have that.
So far mine's pretty good. Now who's butt do we need to jerk a knot in to get yours goin' better?
Jazz's?
This could be more fun than I anticipated!!
If I didn't know better... I'd swear you have radar Jazz!
l-n-r (I just had to do that. LOL)
I think Jazz has some special computer code/script running that alerts him to any time he's been mentioned in a thread here.
l-n-r (I just had to do that. LOL)
awe maannnn.... that was just wrong.
Amy...
hellooooooo.... where are you girlie?
surely, that wasn't a dig....
Did your day get better?
Ehhh...so, so.
Wanna go out for a smoke and listen to me bitch a while?
Hey Amy...look at your reg date and look at mine....how'd you get 3000 more posts than me?????
Or do you really want to answer that!!!
Sure.....I'm smoking right now
hmmmm.... the term motor mouth comes to mind ... somehow
hehehehe.......I think it is because she is so requested on the boards....I call on her often to give some of these folks an opinion or an eye-opener....Amy is aaaalllllllll good.
Yeah, I know... but somebody's gotta keep her real!
Amy is aaaalllllllll good
If you believe THAT, I've got some ocean front property to sell ya in Arizona.
Amy, what's botherin' you today girlie? You don't quite seem yourself.
I'm my evil twin.
Really nothing.
I was working that blasted scrap-book again and I'm not so sure it's as cathartic as it is a monumental pain in my ass.
I love doing it.
It's just hard.
Why the hell AM I doing it again???
B-E-C-A-U-S-E Y-O-U'R-E B-O-R-E-D!!!!!!
because you love it.... and the monumental pain in the ass will be nothing but a fleeting memory once you see the look in Jeff's eyes as he's going through it!!!
now there is a perfect example of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus
Amy is aaaalllllllll good
If you believe THAT, I've got some ocean front property to sell ya in Arizona.
I believe you!!! Once Mexico breaks off into the ocean....I'm rich!!!!!
But I'm still waiting to make money from California sinking into the ocean.....hehehehe
now there is a perfect example of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus
Mmmmm...not so much.
I'm with FA at the moment.
You're doing it because you were led to.
That's all I got....
Please check your email Amy!
Morning Amy.......
Ditto to what Nicola posted
I didn't send you an email.
But Hi anyway
I sent her an email becuz I am going to burst out with hormonal spew pretty soon!!!
Shoes just don't satisfy that urge, nor did the Big Mac
Midol?
Chocolate?
Chocolate is fattening!
And....I can't take drugs right now.
I think I am going to do an extra kickboxing class.
that sounds like fun. They you CAN have the chocolate......cuz you'd burn the calories right off.
Come visit me already. I will feed you chocolate covered strawberries, that are fat free.
KS
stop trying to be so darn positive and happy!!!
Today I want to feel like Oscar the Grouch!!!
show me a fat free carb free chocolate covered strawberry and I will buy you shoes
I think the strawberries cancel out the chocolate. Besides, chocolate is dairy so there are two food groups down for the day
As far as me being positive, it's a joke. I'm looking at court this Thursday and possibly beind divorced as of Friday and my heart and gut are hurting/breaking........
And I've been listening to Kelly Clarkson Never Again.....not a good thing for a day like this....
I was being snarky, I think it is great to try and be so positive and have a good attitude when dealing with so much adversity.
It is always darkest before the dawn and this is when our true Faith comes into play.
yeah and if we don't have anything bad in our lives we can't appreciate the good things.
Or at least that's what I told T2.
It's that whole fake it till you make it thing....
Chocolate is fattening!
And....I can't take drugs right now.
I think I am going to do an extra kickboxing class.
Why?
Does that have something to do with your boobies-to-be?
I was being snarky, I think it is great to try and be so positive and have a good attitude when dealing with so much adversity.
It is always darkest before the dawn and this is when our true Faith comes into play.
if we don't have anything bad in our lives we can't appreciate the good things.
I don't think that is quite true, I think it is more that we gain a different perspective and appreciate things more.
I took so much for granted before the sh*t hit the fan, and I think God needed to shake me up in a
big way for me to finally get it.
Does that have something to do with your boobies-to-be?
I have a list of about 300 drugs I can't take.
I am pretty much allowed to only have Tylenol
Well I guess the thought that you're about to have big hooters is mind-altering enough....
OK, I figured a way to put a healthy twist on the chocolate covered strawberries (since I make them all the dang time...)
We're supposed to get 5-A-DAY!!!!
So, eating them increases our fruit intake. Which is ONLY a good thing. Along with a little chocolate, which is supposed to mimic dopamine and give us a sense of euphoria - much like love. Sooo, since this is a hard time in life, a little chocolate is a good thing, like ADs, and makes us feel loved ,so we don't do crazy things.....
Riiiiiiigggghhhht????????
So, grab a strawberry!
Choco Covered Strawberries
20 minutes - and (hint hint) excellent for those romantic surprises (OK, that will likely never happen in my case, so please, someone else try!!)
2 lbs strawberries
1 bag (12 oz) semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 T veggie shortening
(add nuts, cinnamon, whatever).
Melt chocolate and shortening in a pot on low/med heat. Wash and dry strawberries. Dip them (holding the green stems). And place them on a cookie sheet lined with wax paper. Place in fridge until chocolate is solid.
Oh Amy,
They won't be that big, just a little more enhanced
It's the best medical news in ages. Studies in two prestigious scientific journals say dark chocolate -- but not white chocolate or milk chocolate -- is good for you.
Dark Chocolate Lowers Blood Pressure
Dark chocolate -- not white chocolate -- lowers high blood pressure, say Dirk Taubert, MD, PhD, and colleagues at the University of Cologne, Germany. Their report appears in the Aug. 27 issue of The Journal of the American Medical Association.
But that's no license to go on a chocolate binge. Eating more dark chocolate can help lower blood pressure -- if you've reached a certain age and have mild high blood pressure, say the researchers. But you have to balance the extra calories by eating less of other things.
Antioxidants in Dark Chocolate
Dark chocolate -- but not milk chocolate or dark chocolate eaten with milk -- is a potent antioxidant, report Mauro Serafini, PhD, of Italy's National Institute for Food and NutritionNutrition Research in Rome, and colleagues. Their report appears in the Aug. 28 issue of Nature. Antioxidants gobble up free radicals, destructive molecules that are implicated in heart disease and other ailments.
"Our findings indicate that milk may interfere with the absorption of antioxidants from chocolate ... and may therefore negate the potential health benefits that can be derived from eating moderate amounts of dark chocolate."
Translation: Say "Dark, please," when ordering at the chocolate counter. Don't even think of washing it down with milk. And if health is your excuse for eating chocolate, remember the word "moderate" as you nibble.
The Studies
Taubert's team signed up six men and seven women aged 55-64. All had just been diagnosed with mild high blood pressure -- on average, systolic blood pressure (the top number) of 153 and diastolic blood pressure (the bottom number) of 84.
Every day for two weeks, they ate a 100-gram candy bar and were asked to balance its 480 calories by not eating other foods similar in nutrients and calories. Half the patients got dark chocolate and half got white chocolate.
Those who ate dark chocolate had a significant drop in blood pressure (by an average of 5 points for systolic and an average of 2 points for diastolic blood pressure). Those who ate white chocolate did not.
In the second study, Serafini's team signed up seven healthy women and five healthy men aged 25-35. On different days they each ate 100 grams of dark chocolate by itself, 100 grams of dark chocolate with a small glass of whole milk, or 200 grams of milk chocolate.
An hour later, those who ate dark chocolate alone had the most total antioxidants in their blood. And they had higher levels of epicatechin, a particularly healthy compound found in chocolate. The milk chocolate eaters had the lowest epicatechin levels of all.
Chocolate for Blood Pressure: Darker Is Better
What is it about dark chocolate? The answer is plant phenols -- cocoa phenols, to be exact. These compounds are known to lower blood pressure.
Chocolates made in Europe are generally richer in cocoa phenols than those made in the U.S. So if you're going to try this at home, remember: Darker is better.
Just remember to balance the calories. A 100-gram serving of Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate Bar has 531 calories, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. If you ate that much raw apple you'd only take in 52 calories. But then, you'd miss out on the delicious blood pressure benefit.
A hint: Don't replace healthy foods with chocolate. Most people's diets have plenty of sweets. Switch those for some chocolate if you're going to try the truffle treatment.
Now go ahead and eat those chocolate covered strawberries, just use dark chocolate!!!!!
OK OK already!!!!!
I am going to run over to Rite Aid and buy a HUGE friggin bar of chocolate and shove it in my face and eat every bit until I puke!!!!
Girl. I LOVE Rite Aid.
sigh.
I ate the chocolate
I ate the chocolate
A little or a lot?
HMMMM......
I feel like I am gonna puke!!!
kick boxing time.
Let the record reflect I did not force you to eat the whole bar
Maybe it's time for yet another colonic!!
with the stress in my life, I don't need one LOL
do you feel any better?
I liked being on the LBS diet.
I could eat whatever I wanted and still keep losing weight.
Now I have to be so careful so that the weight doesn't come back on again.
Chocolate is one of my weaknesses.
as you can see from my sig, I wanted chocolate badly yesterday.
Today - I could take it or leave it (but please don't tell anyone. It could ruin my image
)
This morning I am writing a Final Decree of divorce for a couple that have been married since 1959.
Gotta love irony.
oh my
This morning I am writing a Final Decree of divorce for a couple that have been married since 1959.
Gotta love irony.
Amy, sorry you are having to do that because that really, really sucks.
Man oh man you have to wonder why after 48 years they are throwing in the towel. My parents have been married 49 years and I don't think either one of them would survive without the other. Sure they fight and argue but they also have enjoyable time together and apart. In the end they each look forward to seeing the other. (oh course I just had to witness them arguing about the air conditioning in my mom's car. LOL!)
I know someone whose grandparents got divorced when they were in their 80's! The whole family thought it was nuts, but they said they just wanted to be happy for the few years they had left.
I think my grandmother would have D'd my grandfather if she hadn't been worried about appearances.
Amy,
I'm a little worried that you're slipping into a funk....
Do we need to make a trip out to Va. and snap you out of it?
You can take us out to the battle grounds there... we'll bring Capt. Morgan and let him help us tell us war stories!!!!
Please tell me that the bad mood Ben gave me didn't get forwarded to you when it left me..............
Amy.....
what's with the quiet time?????????
lnR,
She knows we are all going nuts the last couple days. She is being smart and avoiding it all.
To the quote below on Jazz's thread, I wrote the post that follows here.
And for now, I am finished.
Wait, HE left for 8 months and THEN you went MLC for 15 more? Holy CRAP! Why did he come back after 8 months?
No one "goes" MLC.
Emotionally and mentally I was a wreck long before that fact started to manifest itself outwardly. If you know anything, you KNOW this process starts internally. The result of that can be anger or depression or a mixture of both. I leaned towards anger more often than not but I had some hellacious bouts of depression and even just numbness at times where I was literally like a zombie. Looking back I have realized that nothing that happened in the weeks/months leading to my husband leaving that first time was viewed by me and processed accurately. Every interaction with my husband and myself was HEIGHTENED - we had arguments in which I visibly seethed (previously, I had been non-expressive) but never once did I consider MY point of view might be inaccurate. Never once did I (nor had I ever) considered that some of the things my husband bitched about might be legitimate. No. In MLC already, I thought myself a victim but I wasn't going to be for much longer. I viewed my husband and having kept me "down" somehow during those years we CHOSE for me to stay home with the kids, I blamed his drinking for my refusal to get a job which was actually linked directly to my own dangerously low self-esteem and fear after having been OUT of the workforce for so long. Further truth was, his drinking had really only became an issue on weekends and while I don't now excuse that, the man simply had too much stress on him for too long with a now-self-righteous wife that wouldn't talk to him and mostly wouldn't make love with him either.
Here's the bitter truth of how we came to separate the first time: He was sick of my [censored] and in anger, he grabbed my arm during an argument. My daughter was standing behind him at the time. I flipped out and called the cops. He went to jail for domestic abuse that night and it was NOT abuse. I seized the moment and in my own warped mind, I was justified. We went through the court system and the only time I started breaking was concerning the kids. A judge tried to make us meet at a social services office for him to see them. That was the only time I saw reality for what it was and I fought FOR him and got that stipulation amended by arguing on my kids behalf to the judge. My husband remained bound by a loose restraining order that simply stated "no abusive behavior towards a family member". My husband was scared to death and he stayed gone for a total of 8 months, living at his parents house. In the interim, what a great time for me to run into an old flame. Thus began my affair and my journey deeper into the fog. Around the time the holidays came that year, I was sentimental off and on. I now know through reading my own letters that I was back and forth wanting H to stay gone and then the next minute I wanted him home. In November he came home. I was still having the affair, although it was losing steam. I remained convinced I had to get out of my marriage. I was defiant towards my husband when he came home. The first night my husband was home was literally spent with both of us in tears. At the beginning of the year, I ended the affair by my own choice. The om then stalked me and I pressed charges against him and ended up back in the court system. Kinda makes ya look at the common denominator in both cases, huh? Well not me. I was a victim, you understand ... My husband had done everything. Without the aid of a board such as this, or even one best friend, he shut out everyone and focused on us and our family. During his 8 months away he'd done what we here call the "hard work". He quit drinking and I know he realized all of the mistakes that he had made over the years because he told me so. I however, had not done the same and continued to make them. He spent the majority of the next 15 months on the couch. And still he fought for us. Alone. In the end, he began to drink again and slowly he began to become angry. One afternoon, he finally faced me and started calling me on every damn bit of BS I'd put him through. I still couldn't see it though. I disagreed vehemently. He took one step towards me and I called the cops. He went back to jail. That protective order was enforced and he'd done nothing that time. I lied and I felt justified and triumphant.
I was often at the edge of the tunnel over the next 6 months.
Several major events occured that finally threw me out on my ass and I broke completely.
Is it any wonder I can never go back?
Jazz you piss me off because you think it's all fun and games and an escape from responsibility to be in MLC. You're out of your friggin mind. Imagine for a moment what it would be like to be stuck in a dark hole screaming for daylight half the time and running from it the next because you know you're not good enough to stand in that light!
How wonderful it must be for to sit in your ivory tower and judge your wife, who has already been on a hellish journey in her life that would have broken you. How dare you criticize pain and her reactions to it that you can not possibly comprehend in your finite mind. You are blind by choice, self-absorbed, impatient, disrespectful and faithless.
You might be the 'go to' guy for rest and recreation but you my friend, suck in the trenches!
_________________________
(((AMY)))
I've followed your sitch since back in early '06... I've heard most all of this in one post or another. I know this is not the complete story but I just want you to know that I couldn't be pulling for anyone more.
You are one tough chick... facing your demons and fighting to regain what was lost but on a much stonger foundation. I admire your strength and your will to allow God to work through you.
Keep the faith girl.... He's doing a mighty work in you.
NOW... what'd you mean "for now you're finished"
~lost
((((AmyC))))
Oh, my. No wonder you've had such a hard time forgiving yourself. I can't even come up with any words. Don't go Amy, we'll help hold you up for a while. You might stay away from Jazz for a while, though. After reading that, he ought to think his wife is an angel! Just be still....
OJ
Any,
I tried to send you a message and it got off on the wrong place. I may not be at the right place now, but I wanted to tell you how much you have helped me. Please look under my thread to see where I tried to talk to you. If you can't find it, let me know, because I want you to know all your hard work in trying to help people has found me. It got through to me Amy...it really did! I have enoght sense to know that I am having a strong moment tonight after last night was so hard for me...but at least I am waking up. Thank you and just know that you and a lot of other folks that I have read from have help to save a marriage....mine. I will continue to talk because I have a lot of healing, but I am awake now.
Any,
I tried to send you a message and it got off on the wrong place. I may not be at the right place now, but I wanted to tell you how much you have helped me. Please look under my thread to see where I tried to talk to you. If you can't find it, let me know, because I want you to know all your hard work in trying to help people has found me. It got through to me Amy...it really did! I have enoght sense to know that I am having a strong moment tonight after last night was so hard for me...but at least I am waking up. Thank you and just know that you and a lot of other folks that I have read from have help to save a marriage....mine. I will continue to talk because I have a lot of healing, but I am awake now.
Likewise, Amy...you were such a critical part of the restoration of MY Marriage! I am praying for you and your H daily!! Praise God for putting you in my life....and for the work He is doing in your marriage!
Amy....
sorry girlie but I can't just let you up and ditch us....:)
You're too big a positive influence to this board!
Don't you dare let anybody piss you off to the point you walk away from so many who just love you to pieces.... attitude and all:).
besides you've stuck me with lost-n-round and i aint through busting your chops for that yet!!!!
I think y'all missed Amy's point, she was done blazing away on Jazz. She's taken the 2x4 to him a few times now and that last post wasn't a 2x4 but much larger lumber, maybe an 8x8? At some point she's going to explode on him like this board had never seen. Why, to finally get him to pull that head out of said @ss. For whatever reason he seems to insert it every couple of weeks.
Amy, I hope I am right, you are too good of an asset on this board to leave now. You are an inspiration to others and I suspect you get so much from others too. You all too often have been the exceptional voice of reason when we temporarily loose our minds.
So I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad that you've pretty much always treated me with kid gloves. Sure you've toss a nugget or two my way but I sometimes wonder if I could have used an @ss whipping by you like you've done to poor ole confused Jazz. That said you pretty much called me on the carpet one time over my constant stupid backsliding with R talk. I finally got the message but not from you, from my wife. Now I hope it isn't too late as I suspect she's renewed her email chat with OM in the last week. If so I have only myself to blame and you warned me too.
You get a do-over, catfan.
Did you know that the word in our bibles that was translated to "meek" literally meant "teachable"?
And thus, those who are teachable shall inherit the earth.
Further, there actually was no word in the original text that translated to "shall". It was put in as a filler for our "understanding". Thus, it's not something that is to come, but rather something we already possess if we are teachable.
It makes more sense in this scripture though:
You (shall) know the truth and the truth (shall) set(s) you free.
It was all accomplished already.
On Calvary.
Hear me?
Amy, I was thinking about why I would miss you so much. I think it is because you show the a wife who is to the point of 'hating' her husband, and treating him, uhhhhh, not really nicely, can come back. Mine isn't near as far gone as you were, but a lot of what you wrote sounded familiar, and it scares the crap out of me. So seeing that you came out of it the way you did really give me some hope. Plus, you are always full of good advice, handy 2x4's and even a bit of twisted humor at times. Stick with us, please!
OJ
Thanks, OJ (and sandi2, faithfulH and l-n-r).
I will be around but in a much more limited manner for a spell.
I am in a wicked-nasty transition of some sort...have been for days, but I'll check in when I can find a pocket of sanity.
This is supposed to be your pocket of sanity... such as it is:)
Well then it's got a hole in it.
dont'cha see you are one of the big coins plugging the hole... if you drop the rest of us slip thru.....:(
So Jazz,
while growing up did you poke the animals at the zoo?
cire
((((((((Amy)))))))
I'm sorry. I know how it is to face something you can't fix without time......lots of time. You just wish it'd all be fixed quick and he'd see you were sincere, serious and trust you again.
I'm praying for you.
I am in a wicked-nasty transition of some sort...have been for days, but I'll check in when I can find a pocket of sanity.
I told you I gave it to you!!!! I am feeling better and now you are in a funk.......
Good luck finding your way out of it.
I am glad you posted your story. I already knew about it but reading it again helped me see things coming from a MLC'r again. You keep me on top of things. Thanks Amy.
((((((((HUGS)))))))))
You take the time you need and get back to that good place.
You know me, I'm not going anywhere!!!!
Amy...
I had no idea what you went through....
(((((more hugs)))))
YOU?
wicked..mean......
Welcome to the club!
Amy, go to the pet store and check out the chihuahuas.
(((Amy)))
I will say extra prayers for you.
Love,
Nicola
hmmmm, what did i miss while camping?
You mean MLC's aren't fun time for all, turned on and turned off with a switch? It's not a choice? $#!t, makes it a little harder to say ahhh to hell with it she's crazy and party on like you perfect. Trust me, when your spouce is in MLC, you may as well be too cuz it starts long before they leave. Wish I would have manned up instead of feeling sorry for myself before it was too late. Maybe loving her by demanding respect could have helped kick her @$$ out of the tunnel. But, whatever....
The fact is that Amy is lucky to have this chance, and the woman thanks God for it every friggen day.....it's all part of admitting and ACCEPTING that you can be wrong.
Anyway, you gotta stick around for a while, or at the very least keep checking your email.... I feel a breakdown coming on.
I am no longer officially DBing.
While I do have, and am thankful for, some good new communication skills, I guess I'll forever "technically" DB if I'm communicating with my husband. The fact is I am done, though.
I have looked at my husband's history and he will never move because it would be contrary to his favored place of denial.
He never forgave his first wife and never really admitted his own mistakes there and he hated her until she died and now he lives with the guilt of that and yet is willing to do that again with me as opposed to doing anything of real significance for our family. My husband did fight for us once but that was long time ago. In all those cards and letters I have gone through for the scrapbook, there was a common theme; him always making promises. The SAME promises. All I have been able to recall was the strength with which HE stood when I was in MLC. I had conveniently forgotten all the crap that he and his drinking had put us through PRIOR to that. Between my own personal issues and the man with issues I married, it was no wonder I had a MLC. I will always be sorry - sorrier for that than anything but I will remain one of the unforgiven at least as far as my husband is concerned. That is his cross to bear though. I have done the best I am physically and emotionally capable of doing to atone and prove myself "worthy" again to him. Actually, I think I have gone above and beyond emotionally because this has wrecked me. I am dirty now as far as he is concerned. Because I no longer possess the innocence I had in those early years. I am no longer naive. There was a time we loved, though. A long, long time ago...
The scrapbbok has been so hard for me because it is my goodbye.
My goodbye to my marriage and my family as we were.
We may still all be tied together but we will never be what we were, or what we could have been, because now we are just broken. My "sins" will be visited upon my kids when they grow up and this all comes back to haunt them. What will I be able to do, except continue to say I am sorry? Do I want to live my life like that? I honestly do not know.
I have lived like a refugee pretty much for the past 7 months.
I have no life and don't know how to go about getting one.
I went from the Air Force, to my Mother's house and then into a marriage. My husband was right all along, I can not take care of myself. But for at least the next 3 years, I have to fake it. I am afraid for what will become of me when I no longer have my son here with me to keep me plugging on. I feel like I will become like my uncle who told me last year that the day he walked away from his family 25 years ago was the worst mistake he'd ever made, and he was too prideful to go back. Those demons have haunted him for 25 years. Mine already haunt me.
This is not an issue of forgiving myself.
I understand and accept the things that led to me making the mistakes I made.
This is an issue of ignorance, wasted time and regret.
There was a warm feeling of family on Christmases that my kids will never have again because of me and because their father would prefer to climb into a bottle where it's comfortable instead of come out here on the limb I've been standing on for 18 months.
I am angry, scared and sick.
Try as I might, I do not believe that a one parent household is good enough for a child. I don't believe that is a family. My sister and I were not a family with our mother alone and because of that, I did not treasure my own as I should have. What will my kids recall?
The funny part of this place I'm at now is I actually think THIS is the opportune time for me to have a MLC. Since I've already done that, perhaps just a nervous breakdown will suffice. One thing is for sure, I am falling apart at the seams and I can't seem to grab ahold of anything to save myself.
We will see what this next week brings as I finish this scrapbook and I give it to my husband and kids. My intention right now is that the day of my anniversary is the day I will do that and I will tell my children that I am no longer standing and they both need to realize that our family is not getting back together. They should consider that their parents will date other people (both kids tell us we can't do that and while I certainly won't, my husband needs to have the freedom to do so - D11 has been especially adamant to him that he can't and that is not fair). So I will cut him loose and be honest with them. We ALL need to move on now. This place of suspended animation might be fun for a while but it is killing me. There will be no reaction from my husband. I truly doubt he will ever open that book. God forbid he might actually be moved by something. The man doesn't love me and I can never go home again. All the supposed moments of breakthrough were nothing...just moments in which he forgot the state of our marriage and slipped back into the old familiarity. All were due to alcohol. Nothing is real except the fact we are through.
Every day I create Bills of Complaint for Divorce, do depositions, have people served and ultimately, I write the Final Decrees. I have served the enemy long and faithfully now in that one regard. It started in my MLC with the destruction of my own marriage. I realized last night that what I have in front of me every day is the means to legally end this. I know the process and can push through all my own paperwork. To be married according to nothing but a piece of paper is meaningless to me. Yes, I realize I am also married in the eyes of God. That is why 9 months ago I tatooed intertwined wedding rings on the back of my right shoulder. I will never be free BECAUSE I know that. That is why the only outcome for me had to be the restoration of my marriage. I will just never be free.
I am no longer officially DBing.
While I do have, and am thankful for, some good new communication skills, I guess I'll forever "technically" DB if I'm communicating with my husband. The fact is I am done, though.
I have looked at my husband's history and he will never move because it would be contrary to his favored place of denial.
He never forgave his first wife and never really admitted his own mistakes there and he hated her until she died and now he lives with the guilt of that and yet is willing to do that again with me as opposed to doing anything of real significance for our family. My husband did fight for us once but that was long time ago. In all those cards and letters I have gone through for the scrapbook, there was a common theme; him always making promises. The SAME promises. All I have been able to recall was the strength with which HE stood when I was in MLC. I had conveniently forgotten all the crap that he and his drinking had put us through PRIOR to that. Between my own personal issues and the man with issues I married, it was no wonder I had a MLC. I will always be sorry - sorrier for that than anything but I will remain one of the unforgiven at least as far as my husband is concerned. That is his cross to bear though. I have done the best I am physically and emotionally capable of doing to atone and prove myself "worthy" again to him. Actually, I think I have gone above and beyond emotionally because this has wrecked me. I am dirty now as far as he is concerned. Because I no longer possess the innocence I had in those early years. I am no longer naive. There was a time we loved, though. A long, long time ago...
The scrapbbok has been so hard for me because it is my goodbye.
My goodbye to my marriage and my family as we were.
We may still all be tied together but we will never be what we were, or what we could have been, because now we are just broken. My "sins" will be visited upon my kids when they grow up and this all comes back to haunt them. What will I be able to do, except continue to say I am sorry? Do I want to live my life like that? I honestly do not know.
I have lived like a refugee pretty much for the past 7 months.
I have no life and don't know how to go about getting one.
I went from the Air Force, to my Mother's house and then into a marriage. My husband was right all along, I can not take care of myself. But for at least the next 3 years, I have to fake it. I am afraid for what will become of me when I no longer have my son here with me to keep me plugging on. I feel like I will become like my uncle who told me last year that the day he walked away from his family 25 years ago was the worst mistake he'd ever made, and he was too prideful to go back. Those demons have haunted him for 25 years. Mine already haunt me.
This is not an issue of forgiving myself.
I understand and accept the things that led to me making the mistakes I made.
This is an issue of ignorance, wasted time and regret.
There was a warm feeling of family on Christmases that my kids will never have again because of me and because their father would prefer to climb into a bottle where it's comfortable instead of come out here on the limb I've been standing on for 18 months.
I am angry, scared and sick.
Try as I might, I do not believe that a one parent household is good enough for a child. I don't believe that is a family. My sister and I were not a family with our mother alone and because of that, I did not treasure my own as I should have. What will my kids recall?
The funny part of this place I'm at now is I actually think THIS is the opportune time for me to have a MLC. Since I've already done that, perhaps just a nervous breakdown will suffice. One thing is for sure, I am falling apart at the seams and I can't seem to grab ahold of anything to save myself.
We will see what this next week brings as I finish this scrapbook and I give it to my husband and kids. My intention right now is that the day of my anniversary is the day I will do that and I will tell my children that I am no longer standing and they both need to realize that our family is not getting back together. They should consider that their parents will date other people (both kids tell us we can't do that and while I certainly won't, my husband needs to have the freedom to do so - D11 has been especially adamant to him that he can't and that is not fair). So I will cut him loose and be honest with them. We ALL need to move on now. This place of suspended animation might be fun for a while but it is killing me. There will be no reaction from my husband. I truly doubt he will ever open that book. God forbid he might actually be moved by something. The man doesn't love me and I can never go home again. All the supposed moments of breakthrough were nothing...just moments in which he forgot the state of our marriage and slipped back into the old familiarity. All were due to alcohol. Nothing is real except the fact we are through.
Every day I create Bills of Complaint for Divorce, do depositions, have people served and ultimately, I write the Final Decrees. I have served the enemy long and faithfully now in that one regard. It started in my MLC with the destruction of my own marriage. I realized last night that what I have in front of me every day is the means to legally end this. I know the process and can push through all my own paperwork. To be married according to nothing but a piece of paper is meaningless to me. Yes, I realize I am also married in the eyes of God. That is why 9 months ago I tatooed intertwined wedding rings on the back of my right shoulder. I will never be free BECAUSE I know that. That is why the only outcome for me had to be the restoration of my marriage. I will just never be free.
hmmmm
you know? you did your part, admitted to your faults and tried to fix them. so now you walk away from it all after trying so hard, which he knew you were trying hard. i still believe that you will be restored, because i believe that you love each other. maybe what he needs is to see you stop doing what you are doing. to see you "be done". maybe that will scare him enough to take a look at himself. while you were in mlc, you were done(or thought you were), but this will be different. in any case, you clearly need a break and you are taking it......
I will just never be free.
----bull$#!t
you already are free
Amy....you have been there for me. Is there anything I can do for you? You just tell me. If you are not going to be posting here, can I stay in touch with you?
One thing I can share with you is that I understand your suffering, I can't describe it, but the pain that is there will always be there in some form. I also see the good woman in you. God Bless.
Jazz,
Please save your comments for your own thread.
Amy,
My gut reaction was to pen a "Amy-style 2X4" message and tell you to pick yourself up. However, I also agree with Blynd....maybe this is what you BOTH need to be able to move forward.
I believe your marriage will be restored...and, like others before you, it will be better than ever BECAUSE of the trials you both have endured. Lots of scripture to back that up as you know....
I'm continuing to pray for you and your H and kids...
Amy, there comes a time when each of us has to put aside all that has consumed us during our struggles with our situations. You've worked hard for a very long time and in that time have been a wonderful inspiration and voice of reason to so many people. To this many of us a forever grateful.
So now it's time you must truly set aside all that has consumed you, let it all go and trust in the Lord and his plan. Turn all of your worries, concerns and fears over to Him. Leave them with Him, make a true leap of faith and know he will take care of you.
As for being completely done, well only you know for sure if it's time to be completely done and to stop standing. But it definitely is time to let the old marriage go, it is dead and gone. For a new relationship and marriage to begin the old one must be done and gone. Let it go and look forward to the new and wonderful things that will be coming your way.
May the peace of the Lord be with you.
A cross to bear Amy. How your pain resonates through cyberspace.
I hope i'm not out of line with this post, if so I apoligize.
What was the reason for your stand? Guilt?
Were you compelled? If so, are you now compelled to quit?
You can ANALyze yourself to some degree but as far as others are concerned it is pointless. Isn't that where frustration begins?
Haven't you noticed why people are drawn to you here? STRENGTH!
You say that your H won't change. Haven't you?
If you are capable of change and an awakening so are others!
The depression is overwhelming as I have felt it on here for days. The enemy is working in masses, JONESTOWN. Buckup lil' Buckaroo!
You're going to tell your kids WHAT! WTH Amy? If I can see you as a pillar of strength on here I can only imagine the lasting impression you are instilling in your children by your stand. It is consistancy that counts. The kids need to see that making a mistake, (MLC, drinking or whatever), isn't the end and or what we are defined by. It's how we deal with it!
As far as letting H free to date, duh, he knows that he has never needed your permission. Just like you so long ago doing whatever you damn well pleased.
Justification might be the word of the day. Because we are selfish beings we will justify any and all that we do.
Look inside yourself Amy, are you losing your faith?
You told me that the enemy will fight like hell when he is losing his grip over you and things will get real bad before they can get better. Is this belief gone? Justify it to GOD!
Have you decided you can do this better than GOD?
Be his vessel but let him drive.
You're 38 Amy and have been blessed with so much. You might find it hard to believe this but you have so much more than most.
You have life experiences which most will never have. It sounds like you have packed into your 38 yrs a lifetimes worth of living. I have also lived way to much for my 44 yrs. But people like us have been entrusted with this experience. Not all get to have it. Blessing! It just depends on what we do with it.
Bootstraps girl!!!
cire