Wife wants Divorce, I Do Not. - 11/27/13 11:52 PM
Hello. I'm looking for advice, help, and guidance.
My wife and I have been having trouble for sometime. I haven't been living up to my duties as a husband. I haven't respected, acknowlwdged, complimented, given bad looks, upset when I feel she wasn't doing enough for the house, haven't satisfied emotion needs, listened, etc.
I have hurt her so much. These behaviors have occured before. We would talk, work it out, and I would return to old behaviors after some months. She feels lonely and extremely hurt. I allow myself to get to stressed out from work and other things. I've lost sight of what's important and took this out on her. Our communication had turned into me complaining constantly. Putting my stress and worry on her. Another problem.
She has left our house to stay at her parents. She wanted a break. At the time it wasn't a break from our marriage but a break from our surroundings and me. Time to think and find herself again. It hurt but I understood she wanted time and space.
After a week of being away (a few days ago) she called to have a talk. She imformed me that she wanted a divorce. She was too hurt by my actions and behavior once again. I expressed that I do not want a divorce, I want to work things out. I let her know what I have been doing since she left. She noticed. She wanted me to respect her decision and that she doesn't feel like trying again. I have caused too much pain. She has tried to tell me she was hurting and what I was doing and how I wasn't hearing her. I proceeded to tell her that I know I have hurt her, the damage I caused, and believe we could repair our marriage, fix bad behaviors and so on, and that I love her. She knows how I feel about her, repairing our marriage, and I don't want a divorce. That's all I could do. She was done talking about it. She said she loves me and misses me. She feels like she has lost herself, is suffocating, and hurt by the pain I caused.
Since then she has taken off her Married staus on a social media outlet and changed to her maiden name. This hurt my heart. I let it go and didn't say anything about it. Later in the day I sent a short, simple, somewhat funny message. Nothing about us or our relationship other than it was something with the house. Her response was that I was upsetting her. She wants me to leave her alone. Since then I have not posted anything.
It appears that she is friends again with a girlfriend she had a falling out with, listening to music and doing things she hasn't done for sometime, visiting friends and places she hasn't been able to. I thought this was a good thing for her but I also believe some of these friends may be pushing her to the decision of divorce. I also believe she may have entertained the thought herself. I hurt her and wasn't changing when she tried to tell me. She felt it and is serious enough to tell me she wanted one.
I've been doing a lot of self help, reading marriage books as well, keeping busy, and working on myself. During this process I have accepted my faults, what I've done to damage our marriage, my bad behaviors, and how much I hurt her. I would like counseling, for myself and us, I don't want to divorce but try again. She doesn't want to talk or have contact. I have to respect that but feel I have take action before it all is too late. But I am trying remain calm and give her this freedom and space.
My wife and I have been having trouble for sometime. I haven't been living up to my duties as a husband. I haven't respected, acknowlwdged, complimented, given bad looks, upset when I feel she wasn't doing enough for the house, haven't satisfied emotion needs, listened, etc.
I have hurt her so much. These behaviors have occured before. We would talk, work it out, and I would return to old behaviors after some months. She feels lonely and extremely hurt. I allow myself to get to stressed out from work and other things. I've lost sight of what's important and took this out on her. Our communication had turned into me complaining constantly. Putting my stress and worry on her. Another problem.
She has left our house to stay at her parents. She wanted a break. At the time it wasn't a break from our marriage but a break from our surroundings and me. Time to think and find herself again. It hurt but I understood she wanted time and space.
After a week of being away (a few days ago) she called to have a talk. She imformed me that she wanted a divorce. She was too hurt by my actions and behavior once again. I expressed that I do not want a divorce, I want to work things out. I let her know what I have been doing since she left. She noticed. She wanted me to respect her decision and that she doesn't feel like trying again. I have caused too much pain. She has tried to tell me she was hurting and what I was doing and how I wasn't hearing her. I proceeded to tell her that I know I have hurt her, the damage I caused, and believe we could repair our marriage, fix bad behaviors and so on, and that I love her. She knows how I feel about her, repairing our marriage, and I don't want a divorce. That's all I could do. She was done talking about it. She said she loves me and misses me. She feels like she has lost herself, is suffocating, and hurt by the pain I caused.
Since then she has taken off her Married staus on a social media outlet and changed to her maiden name. This hurt my heart. I let it go and didn't say anything about it. Later in the day I sent a short, simple, somewhat funny message. Nothing about us or our relationship other than it was something with the house. Her response was that I was upsetting her. She wants me to leave her alone. Since then I have not posted anything.
It appears that she is friends again with a girlfriend she had a falling out with, listening to music and doing things she hasn't done for sometime, visiting friends and places she hasn't been able to. I thought this was a good thing for her but I also believe some of these friends may be pushing her to the decision of divorce. I also believe she may have entertained the thought herself. I hurt her and wasn't changing when she tried to tell me. She felt it and is serious enough to tell me she wanted one.
I've been doing a lot of self help, reading marriage books as well, keeping busy, and working on myself. During this process I have accepted my faults, what I've done to damage our marriage, my bad behaviors, and how much I hurt her. I would like counseling, for myself and us, I don't want to divorce but try again. She doesn't want to talk or have contact. I have to respect that but feel I have take action before it all is too late. But I am trying remain calm and give her this freedom and space.