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How much contact when there are kids?

Posted By: whitneypinch

How much contact when there are kids? - 03/15/08 08:30 AM

My original thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1386166&page=0&fpart=1

So WAW left on Dec 1st. We don't see each other but text each other ever few days about our D5 and S3. We split their time up with each parent equally. The question is when each of us has the kids and we do something special like going to Disneyworld for the first time, skiing, birthday parties etc. should we be sending photos to the other parent?
My WAW is dating and not said a word to me since she left, she just left. She has bought her own house and negotiated a settlement with me. Wife is from a wealthy family. She is 33 and very pretty.
So, as co-parents should we be doing this photo thing. I had stopped by my wife just took the kids on a ski vacation and she sent m photos from her phone each day. I don't know if she is doing this to stay connected to me or if it's a normal thing as co-parents. This up coming week I am taking kids to Disneyworld for their first time. Do I send her photos or not.
Thanks,
Greg
Posted By: jmw128

Re: How much contact when there are kids? - 03/15/08 02:11 PM

I would do what you are comfortable with. Sending pictures is sharing with YOU experiences of the kids. It's kind of like a gift to you from her. Do you want her to stop? What is your goal by not reciprocating? She seems open to text/pic communication. That's a door that I would not slam shut unless you wanted.

BTW, I don't really think it's important they are going anywhere for the first time. Yeah, it makes it special, for you. But, you need to always remember, it's not what you do, it's just the time doing. It does not have to break the bank. Silly example, about a month after I was separated got a place and 5D stayed with me for a few days. I built a fire in the backyard sat on blankets, read stories, hot chocolate, roasted marshmallows under the stars, moon, etc...Spent an hour maybe, maybe 2 hours doing that 5 months ago. She still talks about it. Something simple. It's just the time. It doesn't have to be perfect. And that makes just a good a picture. That's all they want is your time to love them.
Posted By: whitneypinch

Re: How much contact when there are kids? - 03/15/08 04:33 PM

It really hurts for me to get these photos. It's like I am good enough to see them and experience them with her but not good enough to talk to about us or our family.
I am trying to disconnect from her and move on. I also think it's better for all of us if I go slightly dark. In order to do that it's best for me not to send the photos. Look, she knows I love her and would like to talk about us getting back together. It's better for me to not have the ties I have with her. It may be different if she was not seeing anyone but she is.
If I am wrong here anyone please chime in.

Greg
Posted By: micoms

Re: How much contact when there are kids? - 03/15/08 09:43 PM

whit,

Just my two cents, I think any contact is good. Look at the photos with the idea of seeing your kids having a good time, not that they are having a good time without you. When you take the kids to Disney send her pictures of you having a great time with them. Could be she will feel the same way you do when she sees them.

Mike
Posted By: jmw128

Re: How much contact when there are kids? - 03/15/08 10:09 PM

Quote:
Could be she will feel the same way you do when she sees them.
learned that lesson mid-week. Truly put yourself in their shoes.

Quote:
...send her pictures of you having a great time with them
good idea. Gonna steal that one...

gl2u
Posted By: whitneypinch

Re: How much contact when there are kids? - 03/26/08 02:34 PM

So I decided to go dark and not send my WAW any photos while I was away. I did send some to her mom and she may have passed them onto her. I don't know.
WAW sent me an email yesterday making arangements with me regarding birthday parties etc. She was cold and just business like. I just found out through my lawyer that my WAW changed her name back to her maiden name. I don't think that is a good sign for me. Sure does not feel like she is having any second thoughts at all.
Thoughts anyone?
Posted By: whitneypinch

Re: How much contact when there are kids? - 04/02/08 06:49 AM

So I have been sort of dark. We just finished up our settlement and have paid each other out. We text about once a week regarding logistical issues or kid issues. Every time she is REALLY nice, goes out of her way nice.
So I guess I continue with my sort of dark path. It has now been 4 months. It is getting easier each day.
She may be seeing someone.
Do I just continue being dark or do I initiate anything?
Posted By: whitneypinch

Re: How much contact when there are kids? - 04/04/08 08:54 PM

Hey, so now that my settlement is all done my WAW is friendlier to me and we ar talking a lot. It's all talk about the kids and co-parenting. She just asked me to come to my kids school for their spring fair.
I said yes, but that I had to check with my therapsit to see if she thought that was ok as far as the kids seeing us all together.
I am sure I will go as this is the first time she has asked me to do anything together. We have been apart now fo 4 months.
How do I act when I am with them?
Posted By: micoms

Re: How much contact when there are kids? - 04/05/08 02:34 AM

whit,

You need to act like the happiest man in the world, hard to do I know. It will make her wonder about you. While you are with them pay more attention to the kids, let your W see you interacting with them, how good of a Dad you are.

My sich , my W thinks I'm dating, I'm not so far, but she has been checking up on me. Drives by the house on her way to work (at 4:30AM) to see if I'm home. I've told her I'm just seeing a friend for a drink and dinner, I usually go to the bowling alley where I see the guys I used to bowl with before my surgery. So I'm not lying to her they are friends and the house orders pizza for the regular lounge crowd. But it has her wondering.

Mike
Posted By: LucasE

Re: How much contact when there are kids? - 04/18/08 03:02 AM

OOO! I like that. Your wife thinks your dating. I would love to do that. How did you start that? Just seeing a friend? I might get away with that. It seems to be better than actually dating. How is it working out? I've been afraid that my wife would be relieved to discover that I am dating, but I never know. If I could fake it? Hmm. Do tell. Is it working? Driving by your house at 4:30, that sounds good. I wish I wondered what you were doing up at 4:30 but unfortunately, I'm right there with you.

me 41
her 39
d 7
s 4
ILYBNILWY Nov 2007
Separated!!!!!!
Posted By: StrgMarvelousWmn

Re: How much contact when there are kids? - 05/05/08 11:35 PM

The contact with kids is a problem for me, too. I want my husband tobe able to spend time with the kids--he has always been a hands-on dad. However, he is here every night, in time for dinner , and stays until the kids go to bed. He also wants to sleep over in the extra bed on teh weekends. I am a SAHM with four kids, he pays all the bills, how can I tell him that he cannot spend time with the kids in the housr he is paying for even when he does not live in it?
Posted By: micoms

Re: How much contact when there are kids? - 05/07/08 03:44 AM

Sorry lucas, I've been away. My W lives with our D24, I drove D home from work, stayed for a while D's BF asked if I was staying for dinner. I said no I was meeting a friend for a couple of drinks. He said loudly Big Mike has a date. I didn't confirm or deny. Went to the bowling alley where I used to bowl, saw some friends, had a couple of beers. Came home and parked my car around the corner from the house. W drove by the house that morning at 4:30 on her way to work.

Mike
Posted By: ezekiel37

Re: How much contact when there are kids? - 04/07/13 04:05 AM

Your situation sounds so similar to mine! My H is here, at the house he pays for, and only leaves when kids are asleep. How do I detach? Go dark, etc.? Is it a good thing that he can't detach yet either? Or is he just a cake-eater? What did u do?
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