No contact with her last night about the kids.
At 10 PM she text. R U out? I don't respond.
She text me at 12:30 PM today. Are you watching the kids while I work. I text back yes. She responds 20 minutes later ok.
She called today at 2. Kids don't want to leave her parents they stayed overnight. I asked if she went out last night.
She wouldn't say. She sounded all frazzled and miserable.
I said the deal was to bring the kids, bring them before you go to work. She says well your daughter wants to stay. No, you make them go with you.
Ok, well I gotta go. She sounds like she is in the crazy venom stage. I said wait. She says... What Ok, I'll bring them to you. I said you don't have to be all mean. I'm not. Ok. I'll talk to you later.
OK, I should not have asked if she went out last night.
Two, I should have never have taken that phone call at 2.
I felt down today. Woke up and all I could think about was her. Then I had to go to the store to get things I would normaly never get. She always took care of that stuff.
I can home and cried. I prayed. Then the 2 o'clock phone call.
Then I cried and prayed some more.
I called my Aunt she made me feel better.
Cleaning this house. I have a paper due tonight for school. I'm so overwelmed sometimes.
Please pray.
Well she droppd the kids off. Right at that moment my neighbor came to the door. His kids busted out my tail light in my truck. I blew him off. I said ok I'll talk to you later. He couldn't have came at such a bad time.
Wife gets out. My cousin is here. He kids are here. My wife gets out and goes in the house. I stay out side. I don't follow. She is in there for ahwile. I like how she can just waltz in and do what she wants.
Then she comes out. My cousin gives her the business about stuff. He wants free ice cream, etc. You know joking around. Then she flips him off. She said that is for all of you. I'm guessing she is including the kids. I said that isn't necessary to treat me that way. She says Oh Phil I'm just joking. I said well I don't think it is funny.
Cousin took all the kids to the ice cream shop. I said I'm not going over there risking venom, cooky bird behavior, or injury to myself.
Even if I did bring the kids over and we tried to have a nice time. I would get ignored, wierd looks, and who knows maybe even get the bird again.
Extreme failure.
Put it this way. She bailed. Her kids were waiting for her. She text at 12.
I should have just not even responded. I tried calling. Just tell me what is going on. She doesn't answer.
Comes down to this. She is talking to someone.
I'm really out.
When she shows up at 20 to 1. I express my concerns. She says I'm the bad dad. I don't even call to see how the kids are doing.
I state: Sorry. I'm leaving you alone. I told them kids to call me all the time. They never do. I don't need to check on them every hour. If they are with you I know they are fine.
She throws it in my face that I was only with the kids for 12 hours. I like the single life. I don't care. You think I'm the bad mom and you call me a wh0re when I go out.
Sorry I never called you that.
Oh that is right you call me a C. No sorry I did that the other day and I apologized for that. I was trying to get a schedule with you to avoid nights like tonight.
In the driveway. She is in the car. I kiss the kids. She will not even roll down her window. It's 3/4. I tell her. I just want you to come home. She says. Right you just want me to come home. You don't care about the kids.
No (her name) I want my family home. I want my F'n family home.
She pulls away. The only thing I can do is shake my head.
Then I text her about a half hour later. I still want to be married. I love you. I love you kids.
Prayer isn't working.
Spite----------
Hmmmmmmmmmm. spite.
Go to the courthouse and file for sole possession of the house and full custody of the children.
Is this spite?
I don't see it as spite. I see it as controlling the situation for the welware of my children.
Don't tell her just do it.
Monday is not good. To many work things going on. Can't take the day off.
Lets see how Sunday plays out. I asked her to come to Mass. She would not give me answer.
Go talk to your band aid woman. He isn't even half the man I am. I walk with I AM who AM.
The wedding, he told his own mother, why does this concern me.
Why did God permit woman to act this way. To eat apples. To turn around, to turn into salt. She is a pillar of salt.
Lot was a good man, maybe not perfect but generally good. Why would his wife turn around. Why would my wife turn around.
Ephesians Chapter 4... Be angry but do not go to bed with it. Do not sin. Throw the table...
I think I heard a chord on the harp. The children learn about David. That music will drive away misery.
Devil, go away stand behind me, I rebuke you in the name of the Lord. Jesus Christ.
Phil, this is pretty telling to me
I tell her. I just want you to come home. She says. Right you just want e to come home. You don't care about the kids.
That is a map Phil. She is telling you that it is about more than simply you and her. It is about what kind of father you are. That she needs a partner to parent with. Seeing that she is not very good with rules and guidelines for the kids, I would even say that she needs a partner who will take control and lead the parenting.
No (her name) I want my family home. I want my F'n family home.
She pulls away. The only thing I can do is shake my head.
Then I text her about a half hour later. I still want to be married. I love you. I love you kids.
Phil, this is pursuit and begging and it is not working. You have to stop saying this kind of stuff. You are putting to much pressure on her with this kind of talk. No more I love you's unless she asks you if you do. No more I want you home, unless she asks if you do. No more I want to be married, unless she asks you if you want to. You have to stop.
It's not the prayer that is not working Phil. Keep praying, it is for God to decide the time frame, not you.
Ian
Ok, well she gave me an earful today. She is going to do what she wants. I was plenty validating. She got so mad that I was calm she told me to go hang out with our cousin.
I think it was the sentence. Wife I don't want to be right. You always wanted to be right, and I always wanted to be right. I don't want to be right. I want this family to be happy.
She said she wasn't wrong. (Well she is plenty wrong)
She felt like she can do whatever she wants at the childrens expense because she felt I did in the past.
She still has this notion that was a drunk all the time.
I did ask her if I ever did anything right. She said NO.
Ok, so I didn't do anything right. We both had the BOSS attitude.
I said you are the queen. I love my queen. The queen wins. I am a peasant.
Since you won. How does it feel. I feel pretty good losing.
Thats when she said go hang out with our cousin.
I think she is starting to beat herself up. They may be a good thing.
phil i really feel for you and you sound as if you are having a terrible time just trying to grasp the reality of your situation. I dont have any answers for you i am sorry but I just wanted to say that sometimes being still and doing nothing can really work wonders. my wife loves to tell me this "even a foolish man is considered to be wise when he keeps his mouth shut". I am not saying you are a fool I am just saying that you have to stop reacting.
There are no answers.
Just like when she showed up today unannonuced again. Having some lame excuse. I just asked her to leave.
Today in text she told me to get a life. Well then don't show up here.
I'm 50/50. I want her back because she is the love of my life. I don't want her back because she is demeaning selfish and just about the biggest B on the planet.
Why did she show up here to spin me out of control. I said do not show up here unannounced.
She says, well you can do it to me at 1:10 AM.
Yes because I missed you. I thought in my p brain that I could talk you home. I was wrong then. I'm even more wrong now.
Phil,
I promised to read all of your sitch and I have. There is so much I want to write you, but I'm at work right now.
I have three points to make for you:
1. I can tell you love your family, your w, and your children and are in incredible pain with the sitch.
You are a responsible and loving father that wants the very best for your children.
2.is almost impossible to hug a porcupine. Think for a minute about that picture.
Every time you do see your wife you are bristling with anger and contempt and judgment. Then you tell her you want her to come home.
Huh, would you want to come home to you? Think Phil, this is really important. You sound mean and nasty and impossible to be around. She came over and you told her to just go? How are you going to ever get her to talk to you if you are full of such spite.
I'm a religious person, but I have never used that to bolster me in judging my h. You can quote the scriptures, but do you really think you are living them? My priest used to tell me that scriptures can't be cherry-picked, meaning that we can't just quote the ones that support us and ignore the ones that tell us that we are doing the wrong thing.
3.You can change starting right now. You are capable of love and care. You can start to be a friend of your w. You can be patient and listen and just be there without having a nasty retort for everything she says.
Even if she has caused the S, both of you have been a part of the sitch.
With love, care, compassion and lots of understanding for the hurt,
Then I text her about a half hour later. I still want to be married. I love you. I love you kids.
Prayer isn't working.
Well, your pressure, and constant texting, and telling her what you want certainly isn't working.
God answers prayers as He sees fit, not as you see fit.
Right... I know. Everytime I'm around her I get flustered. She treats me like crap. So I asked her to leave. She is treating me like crap even more because now my cousin is staying with us. She wants to look like the cool one. Spite.
Yes, I was ticked. Because she just shows up unannounced. Did she just want to inflict pain, and then leave.
Gosh when she left yesterday after I asked her nicely to leave. She said I hope someone beats you up like you beat me.
I never beat the woman. If anything she beat on me.
Yes, there were times I lashed back, because I was a rat in the cage.
Even last night I was calling her to get a hold of the kids. She answered and just starting spewing venom. I didn't even say anything to the woman.
No matter what I do or say it is wrong. I'm telling you the difficulty is I can't even walk a straight line properly.
No matter what I do or say she will find fault. Even if I do nothing. She'll provoke me. She flipped me off. I waved to her. I probally waved wrong.
She is really messed up.
You know I did some thinking. I could just go to the courthouse and file for full custody, and sole pocession of the house. She would go bersek if I did that. I don't want her to go bersek. I know how protective she is of them kids.
Doing that will not get me closer to my goal.
I don't think going dark or trying to go dark is working either. Like I said I knew she was going to throw it in my face that I don't care about the kids and don't contact them when she has them.
It really is a bad situation. She's crazy.
Jack,
I don't see it as constant texting. Here is the thing. She felt like I never loved her and never showed her affection. I keep thinking I need to do the opposite.
Phil,
I am not arguing with you.
I don't see it as constant texting.
It doesn't matter how
you see it. It matters how she sees it. Out of the blue text messages about How much I love you, doesn't seem to be working.
She felt like I never loved her and never showed her affection.
She told you what she felt was missing. That is good to work on.
I keep thinking I need to do the opposite.
I think you're right. But the way you are doing it now is causing more conflict. There are many ways to meet your goals. This is a minefield, you keep walking the same path, you're going to keep hitting the same mines.
In this, showing beats telling. When she is nice, be nice. When she is being mean, don't rise to the bait.
Going dark / dettaching is perhaps the hardest thing to do. Everyone does it differently. With kids...it isn't easy. Tell her to have your kids call you before they go to bed. This way you talk to them not to her, they call you. Do the same thing when you have your kids.
Start using possesive words for your children, not 'them' children.
Ok I'll say it. Poor Phil. I feel bad for you. But I feel bad for your wife, also. What exactly is your goal? Do you want her to admit she was wrong and beg you for forgiveness and then come home and be a good wife? If so, you aren't going to get that result with the venom, Phil.
Jack,
I know you are not arguing with me. I don't generally text her out of the blue. Yes I have on a few occasions. Gernerally I leave her alone. I do not call her or text her. I only text her back when she texts me. Sometimes after she leaves all pissed. I do text her about something she said that I felt was untrue.
Yes, I have tried that approach too. Kids please call me before you go to bed. Etc... I just don't think they do it or she doesn't have them do it, because she doesn't want me to know what she is up too. If she is home alone, etc....
The behavior really looks like there is another man in the picture. I'm thinking that if there was then she wouldn't be so focused in trying to kill me all time. Imagination gets the best of you.
When my children stay with her parents overnight it doesn't help the situation. I should have the right to know where my children are at. She doesn't want to tell me because she doesn't want me to know that she is running around.
Well I don't really care where she is at or if she is running around. I can't do anything to stop it. I'd rather not know anyways. She said oh you called me a Wh0re and a slut because I went out Friday. I did nothing of the sort, I didn't even know she went out. I was a little peeved that she didn't even bother to see her children on Friday. Same story. Dedicated over protective Mother to a neglectful Mother.
Something really changed in her. I don't think she is ever coming back. She told me to get a clue, that she wasn't coming back. This language sounds like the pig girl talking. The pig girl really has the grips in her.
Again with her parents. They just make things worse because if I say things to them about her actions they twist around and make her look bad.
My Father in law has been nortorious for trying to help the situation and he only makes it worse. I said to him I'm worried about his daughter because of all of her strange behavior. She doesn't like hearing it from Daddy either.
Now I just got off the phone with my daughter. I said Mommy didn't give me her schedule so I don't have anything planned for us to do. My D says oh mommy told me to give you the schedule. I don't think so. She can't communicate important things like a schedule through our daughter. If there is a mistake then who gets blamed.
Oh its all very frustrating.
Here is my question. If the woman is doing what she wants. Why does she still come back to inflict pain on me.
Yes, right back to square one. Actually I don't think we ever left.
Be nice when she is nice. When she is mean don't take the bait. Yes I think I have been doing some of that. She showed up yesterday and was mean. I asked her to politely leave. Then she starts swearing at me, and says she hopes someone beats me up like I beat her up all the time.
Going dark is perhaps impossible with the kids involved.
Then I'm also an idiot.
This morning I text her. Good morning. She text back. Hi. I text I miss you. She text y? I text a million reasons. Next text. Your voice, Your hair, your soft skin, your eyes, you big toe. I love it all.
Next text: The way you light up the room when you enter it. You are some kind of woman.
Then I let it go. I get nothing back. I should have just stopped at a million reasons. A thank you would have been sufficient.
Yes all very persuing.
Perverse pleasure Jack. What else is the woman going to throw at me? When is she going to try and stop proving that I don't love her? I will always love her. Nothing she can do will make me stop loving her.
If the woman is doing what she wants. Why does she still come back to inflict pain on me.
I don't know.
Phil, stop texting or reaching out to her. Stop initiating.
Be firm about your children. "I want to say goodnight to them, you have them call me. I will do the same for you."
It is only impossible if you make it impossible.
PHIL,
You can ignore me if you want, but I am trying to help you. Your anger and nastiness does not show love. Hello, Phil, am I getting through?
Perverse pleasure Jack. What else is the woman going to throw at me? When is she going to try and stop proving that I don't love her? I will always love her. Nothing she can do will make me stop loving her.
Phil, for crying out loud man stop the insanity. NO texts.
You are like a dude who has been beaten laying on the ground asking for the guy who pummoled him to hit him again.
Your wife doesn't need to hear that stuff right now. You don't have to keep saying it. In fact, you have to stop it. Do you not get that she is turned off to your comments right now. You are self defeating at it's fines right now.
Going dark without kids is not impossible, many of us have done it to some degree. With kids it simply means you cannot just shut it all off. IMHO, going dark for you means, no texting at all. Having the kids call you not you calling her phone to speak to them. You having her drop the kids off and not come in the house. You Not talking to her family about this at all. It's not impossible Phil, you just have to figure out the way to do it.
Sometime or another Phil you are going to have to take an as if approach to all this and act as if your marriage is over for now. You are going to have to stop playing the game.
Ian
Jack, Yes I will try that again. I have said it a bunch of times. "I want to say goodnight to them, you have them call me. I will do the same for you."
I also tell the kids to call me at night. I talk to them during the day. I say call me later tonight. They never do.
I say call me later tonight. They never do.
They are kids. Mine remember that they were supposed to put away the dishes 20 minutes after they have gone to bed.
going back to re-read the past few posts but wanted to hit on this before I lose the thought
You said you think there's another man.
Because of her actions.
I can tell you that I was separated from the ex, sometimes just to tick him off, or make him wonder - I would do those things I know irritated him. Wear heels. Make up.
Could be she is trying to get your goat.
And she does.
Ian, part of me thinks she isn't turned off by it.
Why do you love me? Why do you miss me?
I am the romantic one. I always have been. My cousin was saying that last night. He said that his wife would comment at how good my taste was and how romantic I was with my wife. In the dating stage she got flowers at least twice a week, cards, gifts, etc... His wife was jealous at how romantic I was and he didn't do that for her. Good taste. Many people say I have good taste. It why I choose to be with my wife, she was so attractive. Those two girl cousins talked everyday. She cheated. My wife stopped talking to her and became friends with the husband.
My wife and him never got along. Now it is kind of sick. It burned me up when she came in the house and went to him. To see how he was. Snapped his rubber band on his wrist. That killed me.
You know she isn't looking too attractive right now. When she comes in the house she always belches. Her face is still breaking out like a teen. She changed her makeup. She went from a soft glowing look to a look like a vampire b|tch or something. Real heavy dark eyeliner all thick.
I seen her the other day without any makeup. I said there is the face I love. She still has youthlike figor. She doesn't need all the makeup. Yes, when she wore makeup she was attractive. I always thought she was more attractive without it.
Now I'm saying I don't want her to wear makeup. I'm just saying she really doesn't need it. I think woman feel the need to wear wakeup. Some of them do need to wear it.
I think the saying goes when you get older it is better to use less makeup not more. Less is better.
I think she is wearing the eyeliner all dark and heavy because she thinks she is covering up wrinkles. Well when you hit thirty your bound to get a little wrinkles. She thinks she needs botox. She doesn't need anything. She is too concerned with her vanity always has been. She takes two to three hours to get ready for something and complains the entire time that she looks like crap. Nothing I said would change it. She is one of those 45 minute lip woman.
OMG!, she knows how crazy I get when she wears heels. I'm a shoe guy. I told you about that story about the shoes when we were dating. I was loving that. Watching her try on all those shoes. That is my weakness. Woman in high heels.
The point of my story about the shoes was to show how indecisive she was. How indecisive she is now. How much of a pain the butt she could be. I would be a puppy dog. But come one she says she never felt like I loved her.
If she asked me to take her shoe shopping today, and I got to watch her model all those shoes. I would do it in a second.
Could be she is trying to get your goat.
Could be she is. She knows what she is doing. She knows what I like. She knows it is driving me crazy, and I can't even touch her. She did it in WAW home stage. Walked around naked, half naked, in little skimpies. Flash me on purpose.
Why do you love me? Why do you miss me?
Ahhh but Phil, there is a difference in her asking these out of the blue and her asking because you either said them or texted them.
Ian
Jack,
I think you are right. The kids don't think about it. By the time it gets late they already forgot and fell asleep.
During WAW home stage. I really ramped up praying with them when they went to bed. Plus D was making her holy communion soon she needed to practice.
Brings me to another issue. The kids didn't go to Church on Sunday. Because she picked them up at 20 to 1 the night before.
Now D is suppose to be reminded of the moral obligation to go to Church because she received the sacrament of Holy Communion.
We Catholic believe it is a moral obligation to attend Church on Sundays and Holy days of obligation. Only sickness, care of a child, and work issues are permissable for missing. Yes we have CE Catholics, but they are not really Catholic.
Yes Ian I'm aware of the difference. I would love for her to come to me and ask those questions.
Gosh I'm starting to have some flashbacks in memory. There were many times my wife would hold my hand and ask me if I love her to the point of tears. I would always say yes. She would ask if I was cheating on her. I would always tell her no, because I was not. Would not, and never will. Not in sepearation, and not in divorce. She will always be my wife.
Yes, I have to start thinking the marriage is over to help me detach. I can't get anxious in her presence.
Kelly,
I wasn't ignoring you. I can't respond to everyone. What do you want me to say to you?
She came last night acted like a 16 year old b|tch so I asked her to leave. She got pissed and pulled out of the driveway.
She just wants to fight all the time. Because that's what we did. I'm done fighting.
Yes, I have to start thinking the marriage is over to help me detach. I can't get anxious in her presence.
Spot on phil.......
Yes Ian I'm aware of the difference. I would love for her to come to me and ask those questions.
Phil, if you give her enough space and time she just might. Book of Job my friend, it is all about your faith.
Ian
Ian,
The patience of Job. I wish I had a close Jewish friend and I could go to the temple. Learn Hebrew and pray. Jewish history is Catholic history.
How about Aramaic:
Avvon d-bish-maiya, nith-qaddash shim-mukh.
Tih-teh mal-chootukh. Nih-weh çiw-yanukh:
ei-chana d'bish-maiya: ap b'ar-ah.
Haw lan lakh-ma d'soonqa-nan yoo-mana.
O'shwooq lan kho-bein:
ei-chana d'ap kh'nan shwiq-qan l'khaya-ween.
Oo'la te-ellan l'niss-yoona:
il-la paç-çan min beesha.
Mid-til de-di-lukh hai mal-choota
oo khai-la oo tush-bookh-ta
l'alam al-mein.
Aa-meen.
On the contrary Phil, Catholic history is Jewish history.....
and.....
You don't need a jewish friend to go to temple if it is a reformed temple.......
There's great knowledge and learning in all religions Phil. Job, is good for absolutely anyone to read wouldn't you say. After all it is the core learning of true faith.
Not familiar with the aramaic.......
Ian
Ian,
The word "is" is the plural of be. The word "be" means to equal in meaning. Therefore Catholic history = Jewish history.
Jewish history=Catholic history.
Jewish history is Catholic history or Catholic history is Jewish history.
Pretty much saying J=C or C=J.
Anyway: I just get more venom from her. Son calls me, and I talk to D. I tell them I found a really cool treasure chest box at the thrift store. To keep the playstation in and games in. Then I talk to her and work out mini schedule. Amazing. I end the conversation. She calls back in five minutes. My son wants to stay with me tonight because cousins kid is staying. I said well I'm running out right now. I call him later if they are staying and pick him up. Venom. I said please if you are going to use that language then I'm not going to talk to you.
I run my errands. Found a sweet pirate toy mega blocks at thrift store. Five bucks. Kids are going to love it.
I call son, she answers. I don't even want to ask her anything since things were mostly positive. I said does he want me to pick him up. She starts on me. How much is our cousin paying you a month. I said that is really none of your business. She says yes it is my business since you don't give me anything and if he staying there for free sleeping in our sons bed then you are taking away from the kids. I said no I gave you 5k. You haven't asked me what you want for money, because you don't talk to me. The beds, I told you I would pay for the beds. Did you give me a receipt for them. Vulgarity, venom and everything else. I'm not going to fight with you. Please just ask him if he wants me to pick him up. She screams for him. She burps in my ear. He gets on the phone. You want to stay over? He says yes. I said be there is maverick supersonic 30 seconds.
I pick him up. Wife is screaming at them in the house. I call because the couldn't hear me knock. Now D wants to go with me too. I said really wife I didn't expect to have them both. It's nine now. I have homework and I'm exhausted. What time do you want D back. She says I don't know. Venom. You only had those kids for 12 hours last week. I said wife well that is because I'm leaving you alone. You don't want a schedule and your work schedule has been dictating when I have them. I leave you alone. I told them kids to call me anytime and I would pick them up. So please just knock it off. I'm not fighting with you. Then she says watch them they are walking away. They are on the sidewalk. I said I don't want a late night with daughter tonight.
Gosh her house is a wreck. Grass hasn't been cut in weeks. I hope she likes that. But she would always complain that our house was a dump, and if something was out of place she would be flipping.
Well lets see what she wants to pull tonight.
One it doesn't make me feel better that D is here. It would make me feel better if I know one of the kids was with her.
Well maybe she finally got hit with a bolt of lightning. She calls at 10 and is coming to pick up D. Asks what they are doing. I said I just got them bathed come at 10:30. They are playing with the Pirate mega blocks and love it. I said if you want to come and hang out you are welcome.
She does. She hung out with us and acted like a normal person. Talked about her ticket experience. She already mailed it in and plead guilty. Said she was getting three points. I said well you never talk to me I might have got it fixed. Then she acts concerned and says I wonder how much that is going to make our insurance go up. It may do nothing. First offense ever.
Then she hung out and talked with me and cousin.
I was able to nip things in the bud and handling her well. The only bad thing I did was when I carried D out to car. I asked her to roll down her window and I kissed her cheek. It was like she was running out of the house to trying to get in the car because she wanted no contact.
Hopefully she is seeing the changes how I interact with her and the kids. She is realizing I'm not her enemy.
Did she come down from the mother ship? She seemed so normal hanging out with us and being with all the kids.
Maybe it was the Aramaic praying.
LostPhil,
You weren't angry and confrontational and she was able to relax. You did good. She was normal and so were you. You were the man she can remember loving, not the angry spiteful one. This is what will make the difference.
I'm proud of you.
Kelly,
No really I'm not the angry and confrontational one. I have been the calm one. I wasn't calm the other night because she showed up unannounced and I reacted to her. She started as soon as she got there. I politely asked her to leave. She wouldn't and just kept running her mouth. I kept politely asking her to leave. Then she just said something and the build caused me to lash out again. She said I hope someone beats you up like you beat me up. Then she peeled out of the driveway.
Well let me say it was nice this morning. I dropped off son. She looked so tired. I know myself I only got about four hours of sleep, but for some reason I feel energized. I gave her a hug, and kissed her cheek. I didn't try to hold her too long. I also told her I loved you, but said it in such a way that is was directed at son and her. She didn't say it back.
Why because I'm a stupid DAM.
I also told her last night. I said you don't talk to me about anything. I most likely could have got the ticket fixed. She is getting three points.
I even got some good validation about the kids. Since I'm discipling them the proper way. I said at 11. D is tired take her home. She says oh those kids stay up till midnight, 1 or 2 just like they did last summer. I said that is because you let them. I used to scream from my room to ask you guys to keep it down in the evening while I was trying to study.
Kelly I don't know if anything will make the difference. She is either really bi-polar or has some other mental condition. I think it really is a mid life crisis.
I walked away and she said good bye.
I'm kind of laughing to myslef because the yard is a mess. Grass is over a foot high and weeds everywhere. I always keep my yard looking like a golf course. But then she comes to my house an tells me how messy everything is. She also said last night that I have too much clutter in the pirate room. I said it's a pirate ship. Pirates have clutter. Well you shouldn't have five things on the table. Whatever, the spoils from pirating go on the ship. There is very little storage. Well I don't even understand how you can dust. That jar needs something in it. Yes, I was going to put something in the apathy jar. I think I might put a beta in it. Why is she so concerned with my decorating skills. I have good taste.
Yooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiii!
Do not react to her. She is baiting you if she gets nasty. Walk away without telling her to leave next time. Just be done with the conversation.
Be the one that won't be baited. I know it is very hard. Harder probably than anything you've had to do. Don't argue on the phone, just tell her I have to go now. I'll talk to you when you are calm. Click. Hang up.
If she calls back answer. Still not calm? I have to go now. Click. Keep doing it. Be consistent.
Do this for you. Prove to yourself that you don't need to answer her tit for tat.
Kelly,
I think one that worked with her is the fact that I kept saying I'm not going to fight with you anymore. When she would say something mean. I would say stop fighting with me. If she would text something mean while we were talking. I was text stop fighting with me, or I would say that is an old arguement and fighting words. I was real consistant with that.
It is the fact that she just wants to act like she is 16 now.
Last night when she came and hung out with us. She was telling my cousins daughter secrets. Asking her who she thought the geekiest one in the room was and stuff like that. Ended up being my son.
Then she sat in the other side of the pirate room in the rocking chair. She even laid down on the floor and put a blanket it one. In the past I would always cuddle up with her. Do you know how bad I wanted to cuddle up with her. I did that almost everday during WAW still at home stage. I just don't see this getting any easier with my cousin there. Maybe it made her feel more comfortable because I wasn't going to try and smother her since our cousin is there.
Who knows... Maybe she wanted me to smother her. I never felt like you loved me. blah, blah... Which is why I just want to hold and touch her. Plus the fact that every damn thing about her drives me nuts.
Well I think it was good that she sat on the other side of the room. She kept looking over at me, kind of staring. She has done that in the past during this mess. I just try and look straight.
I wonder what she is thinking? Do I love this man? Do I want to come home? Do I want to be single? Do I want to work at this?
I just feel like she is getting more and more distant.
Oh man do I love my insurance agent. She says I'll know what to do when the time comes. She said the speeding incident will not be known about because we are an existing customer, so nothing will be affected. Then she said we didn't have this conversation.
She said its sounds like your wife is growing up and trying to stretch her muscle. I said by acting like an idiot? She said yes a little onions(rebellion) goes a long way cooking the soup.
Whats does onions have to do rebellion?
Hmmm, Shrek said to donkey they have layers.
OMG! It was entirely subconscious.
MUTINY! The pirate ship theme room!
Mutiny, rebellion. Who wants to be Captain?
Screw that, give me a gallon of beer and I'll swab the deck.
She uses skullduggery and has caused mutiny. The decor it isn't spite, it is part of the story. IT's A LOVE STORY!
See, I wrote this poem in January to her during WAW still at home.
Untitled
I adore my wife or the wife no more…
I would kiss the ground she walks on…
She is my rain that makes my flowers grow…
She is the nectar the world desires to drink…
Her soul is white and pure liked refined sugar… an unblemished diamond…
She is my peace, my soul, my love… my soul mate…
She is strong, a warrior, and a queen…
She rules my world…If I could only be worthy to make her a golden throne…
Dress her in golden fleece… adorn her with pearls, gems, and diamonds…
She doesn’t need there beauty…
She is a mother beyond mothers… A protector of all children everywhere…
She is a friend to mothers and wives who need her guidance…
She is a friend to all… A Captain, she guides their ships to heaven…
She is a God fearing woman… She is a saint… Walking in fear and in prayer…
She is knowledgeable, incredible, and unpredictable…
She is frugal, cunning, and wise… Crafty, sweet, sexy, and full of surprise…
I was lucky to have her as a wife for as long as I did…
Just be lucky you had her as a friend, as I never did…
Adore her, cherish her, love her and show her…
I never did it right, make sure you don’t follow my mistakes…
She has a tongue as sharp as swords she’ll always get the last word…
Appreciate her, I never did… I ruined everything…
She said yes a little onions(rebellion) goes a long way cooking the soup.
Reminded me of something...
"A Wise Oak Was Once Just A Little Nut Who Stood His Ground"Not really relevant here since old Phil is still too busy turning his ground into a mountain he can stand atop and preen.
It's just that the "nut" part reminded me of him...
Perhaps one day, though...
If he is meek.
Yo, Phil..."She" went "home" last Saturday.
Not for good mind you because the bulldozer principal doesn't work here. But
uninvited,
unnannounced and after not speaking for 6 weeks and it turned into a 5+ hour visit with dinner, etc...
When you believe (and even when you KNOW) that your wife is wrong...
YOU seek humility - for yourself.
You will be amazed at what you can see.
When you sacrifice foolish pride.
Which you still have very much of.
Phil, do you know what the Word says about knowledge?
It says that people "perish" for a lack of it.
So what do you suppose happens when you take it in...when you apply and cultivate that knowledge?
Do you suppose the opposite happens if you're in possession of "knowledge" and using it properly?
That it could bring LIFE?
AmyC,
I do believe it is relevant. I also believe I'm standing my ground with this board. I also believe I'm being grounded with her. I'm not waivering.
I still found your post confusing. This part anyways.
Yo, Phil...
"She" went "home" last Saturday.
Not for good mind you because the bulldozer principal doesn't work here. But uninvited, unnannounced and after not speaking for 6 weeks and it turned into a 5+ hour visit with dinner, etc...
Is that someone else's sitch? Ok lets try and confuse me more. Establish boundries. Do not show up announced! She does anyways. I let it go the first 100 times. Then she acts like an idiot. I ask her to leave, then I tell her not to show up unnannouced. Two days in a row. Wanted me to take my kids to get ice cream at 9. Then the next day she is picking up a bike.
Now he doesn't have any bikes at my house. So when he wants to ride his bike what do I do now. He took both of his bikes to his grandparents.
FLUFF! She either wants to be home or she doesn't. She told me to get a clue she isn't coming home. So the next day she comes unannounced. To dump the kids. Because they are driving her crazy. Because she doesn't know how to handle them.
She played best friend buddy with them. She screams and yells at them. They laugh at her and do what they want. They stay up too late. etc... Because she lets them. Even last night my son came to me at midnight and said he was hungry. You feed him. One it's easier than hearing the whining.
She created this mess. She wouldn't let me parent. When she asked me to parent she immediately turned it against me making me look like a bad guy.
Now I pick up my kids. I deprogram them in about the first five minutes. Then the entire evening is wonderful.
With her it would be constant chaos.
I even gave the truth about that last night. D is tired take her home. Oh these kids stay up past midnight in the summer anyway. Yes and last summer all I did all evening was yell from the other room for them to keep it down because I was studying. I asked you to get them settled down. You would scream at them be quiet Daddy is trying to study. I already had them tuned out.
Amy, Iron sharpens Iron. So a friend sharpens a friend. -Proverbs 20:17
By the way, I may sound prideful on the board, but I'm really not. Today I'm experiencing joy. Did you ever think that maybe I want to be proven wrong? So then I can say. I was wrong, and I would. When I'm wrong, I'm wrong, and I will admit that I'm wrong. Then its over. Then she'll just focus on something else.
I'm trying to think if she ever admitted to me when she was wrong. Hmmmmmmmm. Nope, can't think of one single solitary incident. I'll let her be right. She's the queen. The queen is always right. I love the queen. The queen can be wrong, but still be right.
Thank you friend.
You are making a mistake trying to change the parenting dynamic while the union is in this current state.
You do your part - do it correctly - and don't rub her nose in it. And don't try to show her up or tell her what SHE does wrong. The woman can walk and talk. She can learn from your example. Which is all you are supposed to be right now.
You really have to stop focusing so much on her misdeeds and make sure you are toeing your own line. Perhaps you are not prideful in "real" life but you should examine just the same. If you come off here as prideful and you are quoting your interactions with her...how do you suppose she perceives you when in the midst of that interaction?
Phil, what you MEAN and how you mean to GET IT ACROSS is not the point, it is HOW YOU ARE PERCEIVED. And telling her, or any of us, that we are wrong doesn't do anything to fix the problem. The burden is ON YOU to convey the message in a better way.
"Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all your getting get understanding" Proverbs 4:7
That was my sitch to which I referred based on a statement you made to me a while back.
Irrelevant.
Amy,
The owl visted my yard last night. Woke me up hooting. I was like dang it, I just need to sleep. The night before was so rough with sleep. Kept thinking someone was outside my house going to throw rocks through the windows again. Dogs barking. Just when I dozed off at 4 AM my cousins little girl woke up crying for her dad. I had to get up to wake him up. I didn't want her to be scared.
Last night I went to be about 12 and feel asleep. Around 3 the owl visited. He hasn't been around for some time. He was around in the spring during WAW still at home stage and he left. I prayed that he would leave in the spring. Because it would freak me out.
Last night though I felt calm that he was there hooting softly. The owl of wisdom. Seems like a coincendance from what your talks are about. I don't believe in the pagan ideology of the owl, but it was interesting.
I'm a little bit distraught about last night. I missed a call from her on my cell. No voice mail. Was it the kids? What did she want? She didn't try the house. No texts sent. I didn't call back. Now will she throw it in my face that I didn't try and contact the kids. Did she even have the kids? What was weird was that my cousin was driving me nuts asking me where I was at. Was she contacting him? Those two used to talk. Now that he is at my house. I do believe it is a little too close for comfort. I told him not to try and track me down if I'm not home. I don't answer to him. I didn't have my kids. Nothing more than I hate is a text asking me where r u? Are you home? etc... I don't like providing this information. Because in the past I have tried to hook up with him to do things and it was always I have to do this or that. Even now he runs over his house does things and brings the kids over.
Looks like she zapped back up to the mother ship again.
Why am I having such a rough time today? I feel so overwhelmed. School, work, home life.
Set a schedule regarding the kids, Phil.
Otherwise you will stay frazzled and that is the work of the enemy because it keeps you from hearing the voice of God and experiencing His works/guidance in your life. The enemy is working through your wife and wearing you down because it YOU that stands in his way of destroying your family unit. The only way to win is for you to rest and refire. If you want to do THAT, make HIM your priority.
Then everything else will follow.
It has no choice.
Because when you are strong enough in the proper areas and humbled in the others, you're going to claim it with the Power that nothing can stand up against. It'll try. But it will never win.
Amy, I do believe we made some progress at least this week anyway. I think we needed to make a baby step for it. Today I think it was rough because we agreed on the phone that since she started at four that we would play it by ear.
So I know I have them every time she works. I also agreed to pick them up after Friday at work, and I left it up in the air as to what she was going to do. I don't think she has any plans. I think she also lives her day, day by day. Maybe even hour by hour, which explains the pop in unannounced visits.
I guess my anxiety level just kicks in. Today was she going to get all frazzled at me because I said I would be there before six. When she did that last week. She said it wasn't early enough. Then that hour came for her to drop them off. She called me and said, oh you can go later they want to play. Making the entire conversation worthless the day before.
At least we got through the whole week with something basic. Some of it is assumed, or it least she thought it was assummed.
I also told her that she needs more of a steady schedule at work.
She did text me after lunch and said can I pick up the kids at moms. If I can what time. I replied. yes... Before six. She text. Thanks. I text. Tell the kids I love them. She text: Ok.
End of conversation. I really can't believe how much this non technical woman has embraced texting. I absolutely hate it. Has she embraced it because all her little teeny bobber ice cream co-workers do it?
Now tonight is she going to pull any skullduggery. Most likely not because she works early enough tomorrow.
It's eating me up about the other night. She didn't pick up those kids until 20 till 1. "They know I'm coming to get them." "Shut up, I'll do what I want." "I will be there soon, I'm talking to someone."
Thinking: Someone more important then your kids after midnight?
Someone more imporatant then a husband that loves, adores, and cherishes you willing to walk through hell for you. A husband that is walking through hell.
She was talking to someone? Hmmmm, that is the part that really bothers me. Must had been another man. But I can't pry. I can't ask? I don't bother to know her business. My imagination just goes crazy. Talking to someone. Who.... who... who... hooo. hooo.
Damn owls...
Isaiah 34:15 There the hoot owl shall nest and lay eggs, hatch them out and gather them in her shadow; There shall the kites assemble, none shall be missing its mate.
NONE SHALL BE MISSING ITS MATE!
Then send her home Lord.
I think telling God what do will be dissappointing for you.
Jack, sometimes I think you are too literal.
Please, Lord let her find her way home?
Well I do believe I'm getting better. Today is rough, I just had to let out the tears. Now I feel better.
I think I am getting better because my writing is improving. I'm almost fully multitasking at work again.
I'm not forgetting things...
A couple of points....
1. it's not your place to tell her what she should work.
2. texting was the easiest form of comms for me with my ex.
I think telling God what do will be dissappointing for you.
I'll tell you this much from experience, it will be painful.
Phil, you have to get
yourself in line with the Word - your mouth, your actions, your attitudes, EVERYTHING - or you can't stand on the Scriptures for the salvation of your family.
There is no way around that.
Catholic or not.
Like it or not.
Jack, sometimes I think you are too literal.
Please, Lord let her find her way home?
Lord, change
me.
KS... She works at an ice cream shop. I'm pretty sure she could goto the boss and say. I have two kids I want a steady schedule. Let the the little teeny boppers get there hours around me. You see the little teeny boppers say I can't work this day, this day, and this day. Does my wife do that? NO! Then when one of the little teeny boppers calls off. My wife is on call for them.
Texting is the most primitive form of communication rather than using drums, or string cans attached with fishing line. It is in fact in immature form of communication when dealing with important issues.
Would you want to get a text telling you a loved one died.
Yes there are proper moments for texting. Dealing with schedules is not one of them.
This is from a woman who would never use email because she thought it was impersonal.
True texting may help us in some ways. Its easier to not have emotions. Unless you the pig girl who can iterate more information in texts then she can talk.
I have asked for that also. again and again. Sounds like I'm telling him to change me too...
I am calmer. I do not react like I used too. Ok a little but Rome wasn't built in a day.
Then it has begun.
Rejoice.
Sounds like I'm telling him to change me too...
No.
THIS is submission.
You're giving Him the title deed to your life.
you asked opinions Phil. You get them. Then you say they're wrong.
I can tell you for me, texting - may be primitive in your opinion, but it's also 1. the least emotional form of communication, 2. proof if needed.
Regarding her schedule - sure she could probably do that. My point is - YOU don't get to tell her what she should do with her job.
Amy,
halălūyāh halălūyāh halălūyāh - for my history, and my friendships.
I told you I heard the harp. The harp drives away misery. Now the owl talks to your soul at night.
alleluia alleluia alleluia
Amy, it is common for the deacon to say Attend, and the congregation say alleluia.
Amy Attend!
KS, No I'm not arguing with you or telling you are wrong. I'm simply stating I don't perfer the immaturity of texting important matters. It is a chicken sh|t way of hiding something. Same thing with voice mail.
You not important enough to hear my voice. Hmm, like the other night she didn't pick up her kids because she went to talk to someone. I get a text, but someone else gets a physical face to face talk. Yes I'm jealous. I'm angry about it. I don't even like the way she starts the text. Why doesn't she text Hello. Or Good Afternoon and wait for a response. Immaturity rules here.
At work I sit at my desk. No matter what am doing. I pick it up on the first ring. No matter who it is. No matter if I'm doing 1 thing or 1200 things.
Amy, I see your point. I gave him my life, and I also gave her to him. It is in his hands.
If God will send his Angels- U2
In my circle we SHOUT
Hallelujahand a "preach it" now and again..
Usually that's before they bring out the snakes, though.
Phil, I know, I'm not supposed to post to you, so I'll be quick!
KS is onto something I tried to point out earlier, when you were listening a lot less. In almost every one of your interactions you have with W (at least that we read here), you "tell" he something about what she should do. Right now, that is not working. In fact, it is making things worse. She is going to react like a child, if you tell her she should do something, she will probably do as close to the opposite as possible. And the more you "tell" her, the farther she will run. The point isn't whether you are right, it is whether she is ready to listen.
[quote]Usually that's before they bring out the snakes, though.[\quote]
WHAT? Plese don't try to confuse me. Amy is a Christian. She happens to be Protestant. To me that is snake service. Is that what you are applying? Amy has stated she is a protestant. So then she must be Catholic.
Bring the snakes out. Are you a pagan worshiper now? Please stop it. I do believe I have asked you that and you never told me. Yes it is irrelevant, but it might just bring us closer to Oneship.
Part of the problem with the Christian community is the split. 44,000 versions of Christianity in US alone. They all can't be right.
Did you know there are also about 6 wacky popes that have considered there form of Catholism to be true?
Amy why don't you just tell me what form of Christianity you belong too?
Can I get an "Amen!" up in there?!
Every denomination to which you have referred is CHRISTIAN, Phil.
I have never stated I am "Protestant"
I'm all hellfire and damnation, darlin...
Pentacostal.
My comment on the snakes was tongue in cheek.
Applicable to misconceptions brought on by the "old time" Pentacostals.
But make no mistake, I'm Evangelical.
You are quite a person! I can't even post to Phil anymore! And I can usually get along with anyone here. He isn't listening, Kelly Jo. I've followed him from the beginning, he has to be right, he is a control freak to the extreme, and it is a wonder his W stayed this long. She might be crazy as a loon, but from what I've seen, I sympathize with her!
Why are you posting to me then.
Let's get this straight. She is the control freak. Yes now it has been a role reversal. I have become her, and she has become me.
Don't talk about me in other threads. Do you think I'm stupid? The only thread you should be talking about me is here or prayer.
Pick a name, is it Jeff, dry heat, or some other fabricated handsome compensation.
Stop being poison.
This isn't anger either.
Yes I see your point about telling her what to do, and she is going to rebel like a little teen. Well go ahead and rebel. I don't need a teenager wife. I need a woman.
Now you saw that Amy and I were having a very nice conversation and you two had to come along and pour gas on it. Talk about cheeseless tunnels.
You know in that thread you guys were talking about me. Kelly Jo had a point. I use my anger against you so that I can burn it up. But really that isn't the case at all. I like being wicked with words. I like to argue in print.
Whoah Phil. Back up a minute. I'm not pouring gasoline anywhere. I sympathize with you. I keep checking up on your because I am so worried about you. Maybe you are taking this out of context.
After all, I am often accused of not listening. Jeff's frustration is in getting past your anger. Your anger doesn't scare me, Phil. I've been on the receiving end of anger. Blast away if it feels good. I have broad shoulders and I'll take it from you.
Blast me good, if it will help lift some of it from you. Because if you keep reacting with anger to your wife it will not be good. She does have her issues. I see it and understand why it works you up good. No one can push our buttons like the people we love, huh?
Getting angry and reacting won't get you to goal, Phil. It won't help your kids and it won't help you. I worry about you, Phil. I want you to be happy.
Phil - texting - might be immature, but sometimes it's the least volatile form of communication.
2ndly - we have to get you a sense of humor. You're quite tense and take everything very literally and you're missing out on jokes and the fun side of life.
I know you're going through your own personal hell. One day you will hopefully get to a place where you can enjoy life as it's being tossed at you.
Tag team...
Wifey. I didn't say your poured gasoline anywhere. I said Jeff, or whatever the heck his name is today did. Why are you defending him.
Look I busted him. I asked him not to post to me for some reason. Then I catch him talking about me behind my back. Rather sophmoric.
Wahhhhh wahhhh why does phil so mean too me. When i try to help him. I can't even post to him.
If anybody here has broad shoulders it's me.
I like you Wifey. You want to go toe to toe, a$$holes to elbows, then bring it. You already told me to Pull up my big boy panties. Can't, because if it was fashionable I would wear a skirt.
Trust me I don't want to blast you. I think you need me to blast you. Maybe my licks hurt for worse than anything your husband could say or do. That is why I told you to go argue with him.
Tylenol...
Now I was creating some healing between the Churches. Amy, we the Catholic church spoke with leaders of the Pentecostal leadership during Vatican II in 1972. There is a plenty of confusion between us, your collected Christians, and the body of the full communion with the Catholic Universal church, which happens to be headed by the vicar of Christ Pope Benedict.
One of the primary problems is how does one become a Christian?
Yes this is all irrelevant to Db'ing. Or is it? Fundamentaly different views between others which causes problems. When we should be sitting down figuring out how to get along.
Sorry you feel that way. Sorry but baptism has to be done and performed this way for it to be licit. Etc... Sorry but body, blood, soul and divinity is truly present in the Eucharist under the appearance of bread and wine. This was one of the first councils in the Church history.
Do you use the Nicene creed?
Oh, trust me I have a sense of humor.
I was talking to my cousin in email. About the owl. The whoo hoo hooo, who was she talking too the other night. Another man.
He said no do I don't think so. She did it to fire you up. She knew you wouldn't be able to sleep.
Phil 0
Philswive 317
I spit coke everywhere....!
Phil, I absolutely promise that this will be my last post to your thread. I will not promise that it will be the last time I post to someone else, when you are the subject.
You didn't bust anyone. I can't post to you because you didn't want to listen to what I had to say. I don't really care if you are mean to me. I wanted to try to help you. You want to pick and choose your help. You can do that, but I don't think you are going to like the result.
If you REALLY want your marriage to succeed, you'd listen to everyone. Put it all together, and try to come up with the best way to get where you want to go. From what you have posted, and said, it is much more important to you to be right, to tell everyone, including your wife, what to do. You are going to be a lonely man.
That's about it. I'm sure there is more, but when I think of it I will just throw it away. I'm wasting my time anyway.
And if you looked around for the story of the name change, you might have a little less anger. But, never mind that.
Phil,
You seem a bit manic, are you doing ok today?
Phil, I absolutely promise that this will be my last post to your thread. I will not promise that it will be the last time I post to someone else, when you are the subject.
That's gossip, OJ, and should be avoided.
Now I was creating some healing between the Churches. Amy, we the Catholic church spoke with leaders of the Pentecostal leadership during Vatican II in 1972. There is a plenty of confusion between us, your collected Christians, and the body of the full communion with the Catholic Universal church, which happens to be headed by the vicar of Christ Pope Benedict.
One of the primary problems is how does one become a Christian?
Yes this is all irrelevant to Db'ing. Or is it? Fundamentaly different views between others which causes problems. When we should be sitting down figuring out how to get along.
Sorry you feel that way. Sorry but baptism has to be done and performed this way for it to be licit. Etc... Sorry but body, blood, soul and divinity is truly present in the Eucharist under the appearance of bread and wine. This was one of the first councils in the Church history.
Do you use the Nicene creed?
Phil there doesn't need to be any "healing" between you and me because there has been no injury, nor will there be because once I make this post, I'm not discussing the subject any further.
I am generally opposed to what I consider man-made religion with all it's laws, pomp, circumstance and holier than thou judgement of others. I believe that there is one way to God and that is through Christ, the Son. We are saved by grace through faith, and that not of ourselves, it is the gift of God and not of works lest any man should boast.
If you are of the opinion that the Catholic Church has cornered the market on God's grace and the rest of us are going to hell then you represent what I don't like about man-made religion. That being said, you have been up front about your faith from the beginning. The only reason I did not answer your question regarding my denomination previously was because I expected the usual chest thumping holier than thou attitude that I have experienced from Catholics in the past. Obviously, I did
not lump you in with all that I can consider "unattractive" about Catholicism, though. I have simply spoken to you as a man of faith because your denomination is irrelevant except in the way it may limits or expand your vision - which is not even for me to say. Denominations simply don't matter in this arena. You believe that Christ is the risen Son of God. That's is ALL that matters. And that right there puts you in line to have anything that hinders you stripped away by the Man Himself if you will allow it. And THAT was all I needed to know in order to speak to you.
Well, that and the lessons from the school of hard knocks I've attended myself
.
Stick to Divorce Busting and stick to the BIBLE, Phil.
Do not allow yourself to be distracted...
Hush your mouth
Get on your knees
Seek Him.
When in doubt, seek Him again.
And repeat as necessary
Amy, simply said.to the point.
Amy, i want to thank you personally for the letter you wrote to Mrs. H, about the Mlc and a person of faith. i printed it off and read it every few days to remind me that i am kneeling on my knees every night before the Lord for my wife. thank you phil, i apologize for hijacking your space. heed amy's words, alot of wisdom, by fire.
Sorry, sorry for the hijack but I keep hearing about this letter to Mrs. H from Amy. Where can I find it? You can post on my thread--thanks.
Sorry again, Phil.
What ya'll don't know is how many times I've fallen since my "stand" began. How many times I've fallen, and walked, straight out of His will usually due to anger...Or how many times I've been mistaken or mislead or outright rebellious. The lessons I have learned, right up to VERY recently, have been learned the hard way. I don't want anyone to come the route I have taken, due to pride and impatience. That is why I write here. Even after some have told me I have no right anymore (after a brief - and reversed - decision to stand down) to post here or speak of God - and perhaps on some level they are right - but what I can speak of is His grace and His mercy and the amazing ways in which He will turn us around when we stray. I have experienced all of that immeasurably and I will not cease to share it. Right or wrong in any man's (or woman's) eyes.
Jack,
Really no... not manic at all today. Actually very normal. I see the same meryy andrewing time after time again. I don't care for the gossip, and childish ways of others. If they want to talk to me, to to me not through me. I think I have asked that from the beginning. I also don't care for the click and the high five attitude, and the constant hijacking of the thread. How people agree with one another. Let them leave there advice and I will process it.
I also think there is plenty of intelligence lacking from certain individuals. Perhaps they need to think before they talk to me and not try and one up me. Don't say I'm never posting to you again come back days later and say the same thing. It does seem a little childish. Then they want to talk about me behind my back.
If they think they can help other. Go help them. There are plenty of people needing help. I don't need there help.
I also think others pry to much about a persons situation because they feed off the information. Then the newcomers have to try and justify there position. They are the ones that are here fighting for their marriages and their families. What more justification do you need.
Personally I think it is cool to have people say. I tried this and it worked from me. It may not work for you.
Jack, I understand why you give short blurps here and there. It is a DB thing to say exactly what you mean in very little words. Perhaps you are a little refined.
Your right I don't need to respond to everyone. It may even be part of the devils tool to keep me off track. Wolves in sheeps clothing.
Amy,
My darling. The Catholic Church is not a man made religion. It was founded by Christ himself, and this is the reason I am Catholic.
In Matthew 16 15 He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?"
16 Simon Peter said in reply, "You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God."
17 Jesus said to him in reply, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah. For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my heavenly Father.
18 And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.
19 I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven. Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."
Now it is common and agreed by scholars that Jesus spoke the Aramaic language. The word used for Peter was Kephas which means massive rock in the male form. You are the Kephas the Massive Rock and on that Kephas I will build my Church. I can also break down the Greek verson. Petros and petra. The symantics or the feminine and male version become a little interesting.
The keys in verse 19 are a symbol of authority and have always been a symbol of authority in the Jewish culture. From the keys of the house of David.
In Isaiah 22:15-25.
There was a vacancy of office. I will place the key of the House of David on his shoulder.
Peter alone is given the office from Jesus because he knew he wasn't going to be around to run his Church. He was going back to heaven. The promise continues in Matthew 18:18.
This is why Peter was the first Pope of his Church.
Now in 110 A.D. Ignatious of Antioch wrote a letter to the Symereans. He said where ever you find a collection of bishops in Christs name you will find the Catholic Church. Catholic in Greek Catholikos means universal.
More evidence. The Church is the Pillar and foundation of truth. From another bible verse. I could go on and on with biblical evidence of Peter being the authority, and the Church being Catholic. For it was Catholics who compiled are bibles today. I read the New American bible. 25 scholars from Catholic and Protestant positions took the ancient manuscripts and were seperated. When they returned every single translation matched. The king James version is in fact riddled with errors. Hence we even said King James version. Founded by a man. Luther was a primary resident in its version. He didn't even want to include the book of revelations because it didn't fight with his theology.
Nicene Creed. I believe in One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church.
You see from the beginning of time until now there is a lineage of apostolic authority back to Peter.
ONE! Holy, Universal, and having Christs authority.
Nothing man made about it. There is only one true Church and it is Catholic. Prove that it isn't.
Yes, the whore of babylon. Dirty popes, scandalous popes, splits, schisms, and council after council she still stands. The sinless vessel is the Church like that of the ark, which houses the sinners.
Please put your snakes away.
The Catholic church is all Christians spiritual home. The doors are open.
When Christ comes back. Where do you think he is going to go. The synagoge. A temple. That place in Utah. No sister he will going to the place he founded and it is Catholic.
There is no holy or now approach from me. Yes there is not salvation outside the Catholic church. This is a dogma. That doesn't mean that people that are not Catholic are going to hell.
Don't mean that all Catholic are going to heaven either.
I do agree that you are saved by grace alone, through your faith and by your works.
Grace alone. There is plenty atonement in that statement. Exemplyfying human oneness with God.
Sorry sister nothing man made about it at all.
That is why I'm Catholic. That is where I stand.
I loved hearing what you had to say about your stance in the Penecostal movement. Let me ask you this when you have a problem with authority. Who do you go to? At least the Catholic church has an Apostolic line of authority founded and touched by the master maker and creator Jesus Christ himself.
Council after council they repeat the same things against the wickeness of heresy and dismiss. The Church is older than any government. 2000 years she has been around.
Some of what you said and what other may tend to say is that you must be born again.
Well Catholics are born again.
We also believe in divine presence in every Church and in ever tabernacle that holds the Eucharist. That is why the candle is always lit by the tabernacle. Body, blood, soul and divity.
In the beginnig was the word, and it became flesh.
John Chapter 6. Eat my flesh, drink my blood.
Melchizedek in Genesis what did he bring. Bread and wine and payed tithes. Melchizedek Christ like, no geneaology.
Manna from the desert. It didn't feed their souls.
Amy, I believe I have read my bible, and every Mass attending the bible is read to me again. It takes three years for the bible to be read from each mass. You must be wearing the proper lenses.
I have asked for that also. again and again. Sounds like I'm telling him to change me too...
I am calmer. I do not react like I used too. Ok a little but Rome wasn't built in a day.
Why.. LostPhil .. Why do you want to change now? If you change you will be wrong. That was your goal all along.. to prove us wrong.. right? You missed we never had to prove we may be right. It was your job to disprove us. Sucks to know there are people out there that have been there and done that. You think that all these people just like you or something? Maybe you came here to get your ego stroked. When you are standing on top of that mountain.. how big is your shadow? Whatever God you follow.. that God never looked down on what people might say. He always used it to show them the "right" way. He always "knew" the words to say. To help the person understand. It's all written down nice and neat.
Go ahead.. make it all about me. I spew some venom.. I provoke you. I made you do it. Quite simply.. you came to us. What do you want LostPhil? Solitude.. ask for it. Help.. ask for it.. and listen. Someone to pray.. ask for it. Someone to see your point of view? Ask for it. You have asked and received.. and yet done nothing! When does LostPhil start to care about what his life has become? What he can do about it? Where he could likely do better? Ignore the questions.. or answer them with "I don't know". Who are you LostPhil?? Really. We all want to know.
"NONE SHALL BE MISSING ITS MATE!"
Interesting post there. You read the words and took it to heart.
In your train of thought the mate is "missing".
The way it is written is the mate will not be missing. Do you miss her LostPhil?
That statement implies that NO ONE will miss their mate.
Was God thinking DB? The things you love most.. set them free. Is that not what God did.. in the hopes that they would draw closer? Everyone has a choice.. they come close.. they pull away. It was never up to ANYONE.. other than the "person" we apply that thought to. Here is what you want.. you make the choice!
"Then when one of the little teeny boppers calls off. My wife is on call for them."
Cause she has some.. "gumption" or "morals". You keep comparing her to what she "works" with. And then you write how she is different? So.. what is she? Or can you not "see" it?
"It is in fact in immature form of communication when dealing with important issues."
And yet here you are.. texting away.. to us. My phone has a qwerty keyboard.. I can bang out some venom on that thing!!
"Would you want to get a text telling you a loved one died."
The second I did.. I would pick up a phone. I would not care how I got the info.. I would respond the "right" way.
"Yes there are proper moments for texting. Dealing with schedules is not one of them."
Dealing with a WAW.. is one of those times it might pay off? Got ya!
"Unless you the pig girl who can iterate more information in texts then she can talk."
You become what you judge. LostPhil.. you resemble a pig girl. Funny thing about it is.. you start to see them all around.. kinda like the lawyer.. looking for some help.
"At work I sit at my desk. No matter what am doing. I pick it up on the first ring. No matter who it is. No matter if I'm doing 1 thing or 1200 things."
Cause that is your job. Really.. 1200 things.. smells like a fish story! You can't expect your wife.. to be your job.
She should be what you strive to know! She should be work.. but never a job!
"Let's get this straight. She is the control freak. Yes now it has been a role reversal. I have become her, and she has become me."
Feels like Shi* don't it! How does it feel to be all womaned up.
"Pick a name, is it Jeff, dry heat, or some other fabricated handsome compensation."
Tell you what LostPhil.. you pick a name. Just a dig.. at something better than you. I know who Jeff is.. do you? Just him being him.. I am gonna fight you on that!! Step up.
"Yes I see your point about telling her what to do, and she is going to rebel like a little teen. Well go ahead and rebel. I don't need a teenager wife. I need a woman."
When are you going to be a man? When she is a woman?
"I like to argue in print."
Bring it on..
"Tag team..."
Life seems to work like that. Poor LostPhil.. he is outnumbered.
Imagine that!
"Wahhhhh wahhhh why does phil so mean too me. When i try to help him. I can't even post to him."
You think you are mean? Lost is all you are. Look at LostPhil imposing the rules!! He is Fantastic.
"Trust me I don't want to blast you. I think you need me to blast you."
I smell some Role Reversal! Call me crazy.
"I was talking to my cousin in email."
I thought that texting.. was poor communication?
"Let them leave there advice and I will process it."
And make it yours...
"I also think there is plenty of intelligence lacking from certain individuals. Perhaps they need to think before they talk to me and not try and one up me."
LostPhil Rules!!
"Your right I don't need to respond to everyone. It may even be part of the devils tool to keep me off track. Wolves in sheep's clothing."
We are all Wolves trying to hunt you down!! Once again LostPhil.. there is alot of you in that post.
Stand on what you know.. it has worked so well for you. Or Listen and understand.. what everyone in this biased place has said.
Phil there used to be another poster on these boards that used the history of the church to tell me how he knew there was NO GOD and instead, that he was just a figment of man's diabolical imagination created along with the bible as a means to control the people.
But all I know is what I know.
Grace and mercy.
Facts that you can spout on the day you're standing in front of Him are worthless.
Humility, submission and repentance are everything.
In my opinion.
And my opinion was born out of nothing more than my often repeated experiences of being humbled, broken, corrected and blessed by and under His hand more times than I care to count, definitely more times than I could have ever hoped for and never, ever even one time deserved.
So you'll just have to take it for whatever it's worth and if that is nothing, that's perfectly okay with me.
Somebody has way too much time on their hands, and has become a cut and paste wacko. I'm not even going to read any of it. I told you to go away Satan. Now go away. I told you time and time again to go away Forrest. You are poison. I said I was overwhelmed and you try to bury me with BS. Forrest you are not a success story and I can see why. Go away... I know my wife, the wife I thought I knew will come back if there is anything left in her. If she free's herself from the BS that has been pumped in her head. Phils rules, because it is Phils thread and it is his safe haven.
One thing is common here. Let her do whatever the hell she wants and try not to make an issue of it.
Amy, I like that. Grace and mercy. Humility, submission, and repentance.
One flaw in your post. In my opinion. That sounds like a man made statement. True your opinion was formed from experience. Your were given the grace Amy.
My opinion was also formed by grace. As Peter had revealed that Jesus was the son of the living God in those verses and only the Father in heaven could reveal that information.
Amy thank you for walking through the valley with me. You are truly your brothers keeper.
Hi Jeanette... temperature check... I'm good.
Do you love me? lol! Are you a pretty nurse?
How has been Jeanette doing? I haven't had time to read anything going on in your situation. There seems to be some fascination with what is going on with my life.
Are people really who they say they are?
Hehehehe.....your funny!
I think it's your use of vocabulary that has most attracted, and yes, I will be the firt to admit it. I love the way some peeps can just open up on here.
Yes I am pretty, at least I think so. Some may disagree but it's what I think that matters, right? I love everyone on this board as we are all worth loving.
I'm petite, blonde, blue eyed (the crazy blue) and for the most part, I believe peeps are who they say they are on here.
I have nothing to say about my sitch. I've been one of those stuck ones for a long time now.......hoping for something that I knew would not happen. No actions......lots of stupid words.
But thats ok Phil.....it does take awhile for most to fully comprehend what we are up against, some too late.
You Phil have alot going for you. Oneday you will see it, but for now your manic ways are ok and they are helping you through a difficult time? It's par for the course ya know
Oh....I will not even attempt to debate you in God, Christianity or your religion.
I'm a firm believer.
God gave you tools Phil.
In time you will use them.
Now take that thermometer out and get some rest, it's almost the weekend ya know and something good will happen for you this weekend if you let it.
(((Hugs Phil))
Jeanette
The smell of sulfer. Why am I being tempted. Is it really sulfer or is it my imagination.
Be still. Tell him to go away. Rebuke him in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.
He knows I love God. Why does he keep trying.
Whats up Phil?
You know, one of the reasons I hate religious debate on here is because in our posistions it is very difficult to hold true to all of the things that we are supposed to be doing in God's name. It is far to simple to use religion to support our goals and to help us find our way in life. Then we simply can turn it off and forget all that we believe in when it comes to our own actions and behaviors that are not supported by the word.
Do you understand what I mean by this Phil?
People who disagree with you or point out things to you are not satan. They are not the devil trying to get at you. They are simply people who have their own way of expressing themselves and you simply accept it, take what you believe you need out of it, and let the rest go. Everyone on here has certain styles that help them to grow and change, because a certain style doesnt help you, does not make it wrong or evil.
I post to you because I believe you can grow and change to make your marriage work. I also do it because others read your thread. You are an anomily and people read this just to see what will happen next. Those people also learn a lot from the posts that are given to you. People will read Forrest's post and some will learn from it, that is a good thing right? God sends his messages in many different ways Phil, maybe for some he sends them through your thread, who knows.
All I am trying to get through to you is try not to be so judgmental and defensive all the time. People care or they wouldnt be here. People do not post to hurt you. People deserve more respect than you give them sometimes and to be honest with you, it doesnt help your situation any to be reactive. Hell, maybe it's part of the lesson that you need to learn and God is testing your patinece, how would you say you are doing with that test?
Ian
Be anxious about nothing and pray about everything. It is what I read on the marquee sign of a fellow protestant church today coming into work. They always seem to have a good message. My favorite one was. Sign broken message inside.
BTW Ian, stop sticking up for people. They can handle themselves.
My patience doesn't need tested. I see the BS in what they are saying and I use the same terminology. Get behind me satan. You are clouding my judgement and the judgement of others and are causing me not to think clearly. Which is a big big problem on this board.
One two many chiefs and not enough little indians.
Oh, I'm going to make this marriage work hell or high water. Last night when she picked up the kids. I told her, I don't know what kind of a mood you are going to be in tomorrow so just have the kids call me before they go to bed. Then I get the BS, you don't want to see your kids tomorrow. Trying to give me the bad dad syndrome. I'm thinking I do not want to deal with you tomorrow.
I also told her that some of her actions that she was foul and disgusting. I said everytime you come to the house you belch as loud as you can. Then when we are walking to the car you spit. You spit on the sidewalk and it is disgusting. I am a man and don't spit as much as you. Stop acting so foul and disgusting. Thinking she reminds me of the pig girl. A venom spewing, burping, farting, spitting, man hater.
I also told her I don't appreciate her walking into the whole house with her shoes on. I said If I would do that at your place you would be flipping out on me. Now your shoes have about ten thousand nasty things on them from the ice cream store. Please do not do it again. When you lived in this house it was a requirement from you to take off your shoes. The requirement hasn't changed since you left. She said she was sorry.
Right I'm telling her what to do. No, I'm just enforcing her rules.
She just smiled at me and says. I know. But I can't hold in the burps, and I'm not going to swallow whatever nasty thing is in my mouth.
She is a teenager. She isn't no lady either.
The bad thing is she got ahead of me as if she was running to the car because she knows I want hug her or kiss her on the cheek, which isn't the case. I want her to come hug me and kiss me. Not chase her. Not validate her for leaving.
I want her to come to me. Make it all go away.
Problem is if she came back now, to many things have happened that caused problems for us. Could we get back together and act like nothing happened. Most likely not. Will she let come of some of the issues she had. Thoughts that I was cheating on her. Bringing back stupid stuff from the past that didn't even happen. Bringing back stuff from the past that did happen that got blown out of proportion. She needs to soften.
Phil sometimes you just need to sit on your hands to avoid the reply button. Ian was telling you that sometimes the advice you're given - although it might not work for you, will work for others who read your thread.
It also can't all be roses. Sometimes you have to hear the negative, or you won't know what you might need to fix.
You need to manage others perceptions. You get plenty of opinions on here, advice, suggestions, and shoot a majority of them down.
Why do you come here?
I think for the most part the interaction with your wife last night was pretty good. Don't try to figure out what she is thinking though. Cheeseless Tunnel! :-)
Phil sometimes you just need to sit on your hands to avoid the reply button.
Phil.....have you stopped drinking?
Your posts late at night are somewhat.....uhm....whats the word I'm looking for??
Phil,
I admit I have lurked your thread and occassionally posted. I imagine there are a variety of reasons for people to do so, some noble, some not so. Regardless, of the reasons I view your thread as a blessing, it has brought several very experienced DBers to a central location to dispense wisdom and compassion into your sitch from which everyone can benefit. In some respects, your "gift of words" has helped create this situation.
I lurk your thread occassionally to see how you are progressing and hope that you are doing well. You seem to be in a lot less pain then you were even a month ago and I am glad to see that.
Hoping that you continue to find peace and improve your R with your W.
Best Wishes
BTW Ian, stop sticking up for people. They can handle themselves
Wasn't defending Phil, was making a point to you that you are obviously to damn stubborn to listen to. Don't pick fights with me, I am one that is on your side. You have a habit of forgetting that. Oh and one more thing, do not tell me what to do, I am a grown man and will do as I please thank you. If you wish something from me to change, try asking.
Back to the subject that really matters. As far as your wife goes good for you sticking to the rules with her. No shoes in the house doesn't change because she is not there. You are spot on holding your ground and letting her know that your home is still your home.
As far as the spitting and burping, very strange. Maybe just ignore it as much as you can. It seems obvious to me she does it for attention, they regress so damn much.
Could we get back together and act like nothing happened.
Now Phil, you will never ever be able to act like nothing happened, and to be honest, you don't want to. This whole adventure is part of yoru marriage growing. When she comes back, you will have to deal with all that has happened.
Ian
Ian,
I hate religious debate on here is because in our posistions it is very difficult to hold true to all of the things that we are supposed to be doing in God's name.
Now I'm not saying what I'm about to convey holds true to the Jewish community but it does against the Christian community. When you believe in the One, Holy, Apostolic church and what it teaches then that burden is lifted from you. You know the teaching. You accept the teaching. Other than that you become your own authority. People who say they are Catholic make up their own rules all the time. That doesn't make it right.
Modern persons trying to accept rules and regulations. Then they will just say, hmmm that rule doesn't apply to me. "It was for liberty that Christ freed us." GAL 5,1
We sometimes have a confused human condition. A fundamental rule of the Catholic church is no abortion. However go around and ask a Catholic about certain things pertaining to why they think an abortion is ok. Rape, incest, deformity in the womb, etc...
Well it isn't ok.
Notice the language is for liberty. "representing freedom." A privilege of freedom that freed us.
Another fundamental rule in the Catholic church is no divorce, but folks will go around and justify thier position. The Church has also become a little too liberal in this area.
Doesn't help when you gave a few bad priest going around causing havoc.
There are also some priest that are married. They converted from a protestant denomination and brought their flock. They were married so they remain married in the Latin rite. What if that priest one day decided he didn't want to be married anymore?
It is our selfish behaviors that we succumb too. ME, ME, ME.
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha....
I am a grown man and will do as I please thank you.
***** Sounds of screatching cats *****
If you wish something from me to change, try asking.
Talk to me than, Ian.
I also do believe that we could have solved these problems without her leaving. It would have also lifted the burden off from things I am going to have problems with in the future.
How could I ever trust someone again? Why would I want too?
Yes, I miss her. I still feel connected to her. She is me, I am her. I do feel as if we are one. I can of felt that way the first time we met.
I yelled at her in a dark alley. I was living in my own apartment. She was hanging out with a girl she went to school with. They would come up to my place because the other girl wanted to have a beer. I was 21, two hot 18 year old girls. We were standing outside my apartment. I always told the other girl if the kitchen light is on and the truck is here. That means I have an open door policy, just knock once and come in. Standing at the screen door. They were talking to me. My future wife ask if she can throw her gum out. I was thinking. You are outside in a dark alley. "THE GARBAGE IS IN THERE.", pointing behind me.
Now did she just want to be neeby and come in my apartment? Who knows. Shortly after that we started dating. Within a month if felt like we were together for years.
Well it was a dark alley because the street light was out. When people ask me where I met my wife. I said a damn dark alley.
DBing is a love story. Mine just happens to include pirates, the devil, owls, and no rum.
(((Phil)))
I don't need you to be mean to me Phil. I can go toe to to and the other if it will help you. I'm tougher than I look. LOL. Trust me, I write because I care.
I had a good night and a good morning. I hope all of your day today and your night to night will be great.
BTW - I'm Catholic.
That isn't really relevant to your and I's position. Do I like you better because your Catholic? Are you sliding on someone?
Are you really Catholic and try and live up to it's teachings? Will you remain Catholic?
You see entirely too many people leave the Catholic faith because they don't understand it. Never knew it, and thought they did.
I have more respect for someone that can stand up and say this is why I am what I am. Walk the walk.
Now they may not be in total truth, but I don't think any less of them. They also may be clouded or confused by something they thought was true but isn't. Sometimes we have to wear the proper lenses.
I can see the beauty in all faiths and all religions. I study them. I absolutely love how the Hindu faith describes the soul. I love how the Buddist faith channels everything into something positive. I love how Jews keep the history going, the culture, the prayers, the laws. No eating owls!
They say marriage takes two, but it really takes three. The Man above all. I AM WHO AM. YAHWEH. YHWH, do not pronounce or be put to death. Elohim.
I also do believe that we could have solved these problems without her leaving. It would have also lifted the burden off from things I am going to have problems with in the future.
I understand this Phil, I think we all feel this way. It seems like we all go through the why couldn't they just stay and fight thing. Unfortunately, they were not strong enough to do this. We have to draw strength from within ourselves to find compassion and understanding for our spouses weakness. I bet you we could come up with some scripture to support that theory.
How could I ever trust someone again? Why would I want too?
You will be able to trust again Phil. Maybe even your wife. You would want to because we all need someone in our lives that is close to us. Closer than anyone else. This is th evalue we put in our marriages Phil. Our spouse is our friend, our companion, our confidant, our lover, and our advisor. We all need this, and you will have it again, one way or the other.
Yes, I miss her. I still feel connected to her. She is me, I am her. I do feel as if we are one. I can of felt that way the first time we met.
The loneliness sucks doesn't it? This statement is what I meant above. When you have that person in yoru life, you kind of mesh into one unit, the us in marriage. By the way, have you read my tag line at the bottom of my posts? I think it suits you.
Ian
You are so right about m taking three. It takes two on bent knee in front of Him. Only He can judge me.
So, is today good so far? I am hoping so.
Short and too the point, the message doesn't get lost as easy in the love I have of my own voice or my own high opinion of my words. ; )
It is not a DBing tactic.
Jack,
To me it came across as short in curt to almost demeaning and lacked all linear dimension. Because you would take one little minute thing an want to emphasize it. Then when it was empahsized you provided no feedback.
Well lets see. I think I had another epiphany. I was sitting in a terrace at a local sub shop. Alleys painted in murals.
I have to be right, I just don't have to be such a pr|ck about it. Yes I would rather be right than be happy. Because being right is being happy to me. This is how my brain works. I'm not going to surrender to something that is wrong, immoral, or unjust. I frankly wouldn't be able to live with myself.
Walk the walk, talk the talk.
Perhaps that is something I need to change. Be right, but don't be a pr|ck.
BTW, IAN I HAD A BACON CHEESEBURGER HOAGIE! 4 STRIPS OF BACON!
Now that was rather pr|ckful of me... sorry.
Phil,
To me, if someone brings up a point or advice you will debate and argue it. If however, you think about something and come to your own conclusion it becomes yours.
I apologize for seeming curt and demeaning, it was not my intention. I have no need or desire to rile you, or argue with you.
You are right that was rather prickish of you. : )
Was the apology sincere? Or just a formality?
Actually it was a joke, about the bacon. He loves bacon. If he wasn't Jewish he could have all the bacon he wanted. If he loves bacon so much he may consider not being Jewish. Now I still think Ian and other Jews slip themselves a slice of bacon every once in ahwhile. Does this mean they have to goto the alter and sacrafice two doves? Consider this though. He might not like fish, and fish is usually eaten every friday during lent. So is it no bacon or all the fish you can eat?
The apology was a formality to the joke. There was no pun intended, so there is no need to be sincere. Unless of course he took it the wrong way, then I would be sincere about apologizing after the fact. Since I apologized before the event, I was joking.
Maybe it was the same thing my wife was doing to us the other night. She flipped us off. Like haha, F you two boys watching the kids how does it feel. I'm running off. She was joking, but I didn't take it as a joke.
I'm thinking that Ian wishes he was in the terrace with me eating a bacon cheesburger hoagie. Wish you were there buddy. Now I wouldn't eat it front of him, because I would have some consideration. It was really good bacon though.
Not taken wrong at all. Well, I don't keep kosher so I would love a bacon cheeseburger.
I believe keeping kosher to be old fashioned and outdated. Many of our rules were made up in times when things were not so sanitary. Today Pork is as clean as any other meat.
My mom keeps kosher and I respect that way of life. I keep kosher at her home out of respect for an outdated tradition.
I won't sacrifice any doves
Besides, the day I married a southern baptist I believe I pretty much stepped into the reformed judaism realm. Of course my mom says that is what went wrong, conflicts in beliefs and such.....
I have to be right, I just don't have to be such a pr|ck about it.
This is a good starting point. I agree with you that there is nothing wrong with being right. How you treat those with differing opinions is what matters and being polite about it would be a great start Phil. Good epiphany....what was on the mural?
Ian
Subway style art that was done in a semi good taste. Not rushed, and completed. Grafiti in the proper place in a proper format.
Very nice...
There is a sandwich place in Pittsburgh that I went to while there on business that was amazing. It was caled Primanti's and it was the biggest sandwich I ever ate. They even put the fries on the sandwich....oh man I am getting hungry just thinking about that place.....
Hey Phil,
If you were to start a solution journal, how would you go about that?
1. Not have a solution journal.
You would rather be right than HAPPY? How about thinking about that a minute. You can be right and very much alone. I'd rather be happy than right. Just me, I guess.
I do hope sitting there having your hoagie was a nice, relaxing time for you.
I agree the flip off done in front of the boys was in poor taste. I don't blame you for not liking that. Do you think you could have done anything differently in that situation? I know we are all brilliant in hindsight.
Kelly,
We have been down this road. You would rather be right than happy? I think my wife needs to think of the statement, maybe it will mean something to her. Perhaps she should be her rather than me.
I think it is a dumb statement. Lets just not even go down that road. k...
Having a hoagie. Alone. It got ruined. My mother called me and asked me for lunch money. She works in the area I do. Says she will pay me back, but never does. She never calls to take me out to lunch either. She does that every once in awhile. I enable everyone. I told her I just spent my last ten bucks on the hoagie. My brother lives with her, and some other lady. She should ask them for lunch money. She's also is working, why is she asking me for money.
The flip off. No I think I handled it correctly. I said I didn't appreciate it.
Ok, that was absolutely heart wrenching. I just called my kids at their grand parets. Tired, bored, and lathargic they are. Do as they do, they do not. Son was crying he wanted me to pick him up and he wants to stay over.
Immediately after I hung up. I get a text from the wife. Did you talk to the kids?
This is a setup for something?
Maybe I should text. Get to the point!
How is it that I was doing pretty good. I start feeling sad, I call the kids, and then she starts communicating with me.
Kid bait?
Text her back that the son wants to spend the night, sounds good to you. Don't take the bait. Just sound like you are happy to have the kid around and let her draw whatever conclusions she is going to. You don't have to own her assumptions.
Why don't you just text her back and tell her you'd like to pick the kids up if she doesn't have plans with them for later...and she can pick them up at such and such a time....is that doable?
Don't tell me why you don't think SHE will do it, tell me if it is doable for PHIL.
Phil is exhausted. Phil doesn't want to deal with any of this. That is what I told her last night. I don't want to have the kids tonight because I for one don't have the energy for it. I have homework that needs done.
I don't need four kids at the house again tonight after 10 still making too much noise when I need to study.
I don't want to take any bait. I don't even want to respond. I'm not a dog. Texting me if I talked to the kids. What is it with her. I'm sure there is a motive and it ulterior.
Why doesn't she just come out and say. I have to do this can you get the kids. I will pick them up blah, blah.
No she does it in a way that is going to spin me out of control. Being secretive. I'll do what I want attitude. So is she going to dump the kids down her mothers all night?
Hmmm, isn't that funny. Just about the same time she texted my cousin emailed me. This is just too much of a coincidence. Within three minutes.
He isn't helping the situation. He always tries to get the kids to stay with us. I never agreed for his kids to stay there all the time either. I said he could stay there.
What the hell is wrong with me.
Amy, why should I make her life easier. I told her last night. I don't know what kind of a mood you are going to be in tomorrow just have the kids call me before they go to sleep.
Basically, I'm saying stop F'n with me.
Not for nothing Phil, but why are you letting Cousin stay there. Get rid of him and his kids if it is to much for you. Seems ridiculous to me for you to take all that on in the middle of all this anyway.
Go get your son tonight and keep him with you. Make him watch a movie or something so you can do your homework in peace.
Ian
Your house your rules.
Bed before 10.
Your house your rules.
Bed before 10.
AMEN
Amy, why should I make her life easier. I told her last night. I don't know what kind of a mood you are going to be in tomorrow just have the kids call me before they go to sleep.
I wasn't thinking about her, unless you count the part where I suggested you say something like "...if you don't have plans with the kids"...which is just common courtesy. Sure she shows you none of the same but you don't have to get down to her level.
I was thinking about your son.
And yeah, what the guys said...your house, your rules.
And lose the cousin asap or you'll be up to your neck in even more drama than is typical.
Thin the herd and take out the trash, Phil.
Just do it.
I do wish Phil that you would not look at your children as a chore. Maybe you don't but many times that's the impression I get.
Really it appears you both feel that way.
They should be treasured. They will be old before you know it. Your time is few with them.
Please. Spend time with BOTH of them. Not out of spite to her. But for you and them to bond. They need their father.
I know how your kids feel Phil. I was basically stuck when my father had an A and my mom and dad had problems. Neither one had the energy to care much about how we were feeling. It's stuck with me all these years.
Get the kids. Plan to spend time with them and also to explain that you have homework. Bed at 10 and all that. Do it for the kids, Phil, not for your W. Be the stability that they need right now.
Do it for Phil, because Phil is a good dad that is just under a trying circumstance that is breaking his heart.
BTW, cousin and I got into it. Kids didn't need to see it. but he drug it on.
I told him to leave. He had to make sure that he did not leave one morsel behind. Clothes bikes, etc...
Son is with me. We are watching Nanny 911.
Called mommy to tell her good night. I basically acted like a crying fag. She was all concerned at how I treated him. Look I don't want him here. I want you here. Not him.
She just testing Y.
I don't even know what that means.
Yes or why? I thought I was smart.
BTW... I said I didn't want to put up with this crap tonite!
Yep.. homework not done....
Please pray for us.
Some text went through. Does he want to be with me. I ask him. He says kind of. Well I will pick him up. blah, blah...
Son is with her now.
I took him to the car. I said I love you. She said it back. Then I said then come home and she still backed out.
Stop telling her what to do and instead show her, without using a single word, why coming home would be a good thing for your family.
In the interim, and I suspect it will be a long one, zip the bottom portion of your face shut and try listening for a daggone change.
You are your own worst enemy.
Trust me on that Phil.
Because it takes one to know one.
You are book smart but you don't have the common sense or the street smarts that God gave a goose.
The ONLY thing good in you is HIM and the sooner you come down out of your ivory tower and get that into your spirit the sooner you can get on with the business He intends for you to be doing.
Your other option is to stay rooted in pride and ignorance and I'm telling from experience, you won't like it when you start to feel the burn.
Wake up.
Then I said then come home and she still backed out.
Two big DB mistakes here PHil, one's that you continue to do. It is not about her, it is about you continuing to hurt yourself. You are not going to get the response that you want from her.
Now before you tell me that she said I love you back, it doesnt matter. She can say that until the cows come home and it doesnt bring you and her back together. It is not about you hearing she loves you, it is about the fact that whenever she responds this way you think "then why arent you home".
You have to stop putting yourself in front of the bullet.......
Ian
You have to stop putting yourself in front of the bullet.......
Phil,
I know how hard this is Phil. Stop making it hurt you more. I want better for you. I pray for you to have all the happiness and love you could possibly have. Submit to the Lord all of your pain and anguish. HE alone can help you.
None of us can, although we all care about you. No one can just snap you out of this, nor can they help touch your w's heart.
Stop giving her a negative reward every time she has contact with you. Every time you do that she says to her self that she is doing the right thing. Concentrate Phil this is important, this is about the rest of your life here.
With love and caring and God's grace,
KJ
Nope... Phil is a dumb idiot.
I went out last night, stayed out way too late. Some chick started fighting with me. I didn't give her the time of day. I can't even begin to explain it.
Went home and went to sleep.
I called her in the before I left for work. "Do you want me to take our son to your moms." She said, "No."
"Ok, I'm just trying to help. I love you."
"I love you too."
"Goodbye."
Receive a text: "Are you going to pick them up after work."
I reply Yes.
Some more texting: "But I ask when are you going to pick them up from our house." She text afterwork.
Then I text. "I'm tired of crying over you."
Because Phil is a stupid F'n idiot. I know I should have just left it at that. Can't.
She is my wife. I'm fighting through hell for her.
Last night with cousin proved the way I would react to her BS. Get the kids all upset. I don't need to justify anything. I didn't need his burdens. I didn't need him there. I told him to go home and work it out with his own wife.
Really I felt like he was more of a watchdog. He wasn't helping. Honestly the fight was over me telling him what to do. I told I didn't want to tell him what to do.
Stress of school. I just need him to help. I told him to dust the dresser in the room he is sleeping because there was an inch of dust on it.
It would have been easier for me to just do it.
I felt like I had five kids in the house. Make that six. The biggest child of them all.
Amy, Jack, Ian, Kelly Jo. Thank you!
Thank you....
Maybe I need to pray to stop being so stupid.
You are not stupid, Phil, you are in pain. There isn't one of us that isn't and hasn't done stupid things. Just let your text be. It isn't bad for your w to imagine you would cry over her. Maybe its a better picture than the angry Phil.
Pray for god to lift your burden. Put it in his hands, Phil.
Phil, let me first tell you that I did a lot of the same things that you are doing. Believing in my heart that she needed to hear me say those things to her. She needed to know that I wanted her, etc.....
These things hindered my progress and pushed her away from me further. She didn't want to hear how dependant I was on her, she needed me to step up and be strong and I just couldnt.
Why not, because I was scared, afraid that I had lost the best thing in my life, and lonely.
It does not make you stupid Phil, it shows your humanity. However, at some point you have to stop for your own sake.
Ian
Phil,
It doesn't seem like you like my short replies. : )
She is my wife. I'm fighting through hell for her.
Yes, yes you are, that is noble, honorable and will end up in failure.
All you have to do is
make it through hell.
You don't have to fight every demon along the way.
Pick your battles wisely, win the war.
Do you want me to explain that, or do you want to figure it out, have you already?
I'll explain if you want.
BTW, your humble side. That is why I keep coming back. Your humble side, I believe is what your wife would come back too.
All you have to do is make it through hell.
You don't have to fight every demon along the way.
That is SO true.
BTW, your humble side. That is why I keep coming back. Your humble side, I believe is what your wife would come back too.
Yep.
I agree with that, too.
I went to a Church up on the hill for lunch.
The door was not open.
I sat on the steps prayed, cried, prayed, and cried until I could not take the heat of the sun anymore.
End up in failure. I can't fail.
You know the comment about crying over her could be taken in different ways.
I'm done with you, I'm tired of crying over you. IT.
No really, all I do is cry over you and I'm tired of it.
I'm crying right now. I can't get over you. I can't get over the fact that you would put me through this and you exchange I love you's. I love you's that I initiate, but she still says them back.
I feel like I have a target on me. Everyone is out to get me. People take advantage of me. etc...
That girl at the club, was being mean to me for no reason. Well there might have been a reason. She was wearing a sponge bob nurse shirt, and I was signing it to a friend next to me. The place was packed. She laughed. Then about a 1/2 hour later she was trying to beat me up and stuff. Told me to sit in the corner on the couch. If I got up she would come over and tell me to sit back down. I got up to go to the bathroom and she wouldn't let me go. Then she tried to pick me up. Said she was going to kick my a$$. Everyone was going to laugh because I was going to get beat up by a girl.
I was finally able to escape the club and go home. She excorted me out. It was domineering or something. I just wanted to go home.
Early in the day a resturant owner came in. The same place with the pizza incident. Him and I talked about it days before. Now he just came in and kicked me out. I patronize his business and this is how he treats me. He was putting his finger in my face. I asked to remove is finger, politely. Then he put both of them in my face. I said I'm not one of your employees friend, please do not put your fingers in my face. Then he was throwing me out, and attempted to raise his fist at me. I said I would not do that if I were you my friend.
Really the resturant guy is an a$$. He treats all him employee's like crap. Now he is treating customers like it. I don't need to go there. I just have friends there.
I don't need to go to that club either. I don't need my cousin and his kids living with me.
I think I getting easily taken advantage of because I felt so down, lonely, and out. I just want to help folks.
Phil needs to help Phil.
Amy, Jack, Kelly, Ian... Thank you for walking the valley with me. Well you guys are walking and your trying to drag me. I'm trying to hold on.
I feel kind of good now.
We are trying to drag you, Phil. The tears are a good thing. The humility and humanity you show are a good thing. Phil is a living, thinking, feeling man. You are far more than just the angry, ready to scrap with anyone person you project.
Don't know why it is that you seem to have trouble where you go. Not sure about the club thing. Not sure about the pizza guy thing. Really confusing. It seems like you are fighting everywhere.
How about for the rest of the afternoon you make a list of things that are good about Phil. I'll start you off:
Phil loves his wife.
Phil loves his children.
Your turn.
It seems like you are fighting everywhere.
People are trying to antagonize me into a fight and I'm just not going to do it.
On this board people also antagonize me.
Kelly I'm too tired to do a list. I need to go get my kids and go home and relax.
Number 1. Phil loves God
Number 2. Phil loves his children
Number 4. Phil love his wife
Number 3. Phil loves his DB friends.
Phil should love himself. On that list.
How can you love someone if you don't love yourself?
I know you are tired, Phil. Its ok to go home and rest. Have a peaceful day. I'm glad to be part of your DB friends, Phil.
Jack, I did that on purpose. One I knew someone was going to say I should love myself.
I'm last on the list.
I could make a list of why I hate myself. I hate myself for destroying my family, because I would rather fight with my wife about drinking beer. I would let her get to me. I hate myself for fighting back with her and gave her ammunition to split us apart.
Phil,
I forgive you. You didn't destroy your family. You can't hate yourself because God loves you and God doesn't make junk. You are going to be ok, Phil. I promise you. You are going to get through this.
Cousin keeps texting me now acting like an idiot.
He text. Are you going to be home after work, because I'm coming over to get my stuff.
Sounds pissed. I text are you coming heavy?
He text me what? about 5 times.
Then text Just tell me if you are going to be home.
I call him. He doesn't answer. After tenth ring he must have rejected the call. I was going to leave him a voice mail.
I text call me. He doesn't.
I text I'm driving.
I already talked to him in email, and told him it wasn't working out. Leave his key.
Now he is going to act like a lunatic. He didn't even pay me anything and was more of a burden. He would use the Lords name in vain in my home. I told him to not do that. I would rather he run through the house with a five gallon jug of gasoline and light it on fire, then use the Lords name in vain. I kept having to remind him to not do it. I don't need my problems compounded with him here. I said he could stay here, not his children every night.
Children that would not listen to me. I already have two of them, but I think I have them straighted out. They are on the deck playing hockey.
Maybe I'll have some peace tonight...
Unfortunatly wifey your the wrong wifey.
Yes I hate myself for reacting to her with physical violence, or returning physical violence.
I hate myself for constantly calling her the B word because that is how I dealt with her verbal abuse.
I hate myself for enabling the woman. I should of empowered her, and I thought I was with this house. Plenty of woman would kill to live in this house.
I hate myself for buidling this and giving into everyone of her little whims trying to make her happy.
Do you think you could maybe be grateful to God for revealing the errors of your ways to you and giving you this opportunity to turn it all around? Some people die in the pit, Phil. And never have this chance.
God
Wife
Phil
Kids
Others
That is proper - although it gets easily skewed, I know.
It's something we can all strive for nevertheless.
Because we're breathing and we're learning Phil.
And in that lies hope.
AmyC,
I used to always say
God,
Family,
Then Guns...
In that order.
Funny thing is I had this discussion with someone about losing your wife or losing your life. Guys usually say wife. Wife usually says kids.
I also put my wife in front of the kids. But not right now...
Well I have my son tonight. We had such a good night just him and I.
You know the wife is just so bizarre. I called her at work at 6:15 kids are hungry. She was suppose to be off at 6 and we agreed that she would pick them up after work. Well I said you know daughter is going to want to be with you. Son will want to stay with me. I tell her the same thing on the phone. She says ok, I'm leaving soon.
When she gets here. D gives her five dollars because she wants to go to subway. But she doesn't want to take my money. I said it is for D's sub.
Son wants to go to subway, but he wants me to take him.
Then she keeps asking him to hurry up and get in the car, she has ice cream and it is going to melt. He says I'm staying with daddy. She gets pissed and leaves. I told her twice on the phone in two different times that he was going to stay with me. 15 minutes before she came I told her again, that he wanted to stay with me. I'm thinking Manic, MLC, weirdo!
Son and I decide to go to our favorite pizza resturant, and we can hit the thirt store. Pizza shop has free wifi. He played pirates of the caribean online.
Found a few nice rum jugs for the pirate room, and I found a really nice owl statue. I told the girl at the counter about my owl. She said, cool maybe they will make out. My son knew what that was. She was a cool lady, said I'm sorry I didn't know he would know. Son tells me he learned that one Drake and Josh. THANKS NICKELODEON!
After eating we were going to go to bowling but then he had crocks on, no socks. I said lets go hit some gold balls. On the way there lightning. Another change of plans. He says he wants to go to petsmart. I said you mean the (name of township )ZOO!
I ask the girl if they had any monkeys. She said No, and looked at me rather perplexed. I said this (name of township) Zoo stinks.
So over at the fish area. I ask the girl if they have any monkey fish. She says no, I do not believe we have ever had them. All serious. Do they exist? She says I don't know. Some people have no sense of humor....
I tell her I'm looking for something non filtered. Don't say beta. I'm an alpha male.
What about crabs? They need filters, unless its hermit. I don't want a hermit. I like the baby crabs. What do they eat. Little crab pellets. I said, funny do we eat little people pellets.
Ok, what about tutles. Need a filter. The land ones don't smoke pall mall.
Ok, give me a dang beta... Son pick out a beta. The woman ask if I need food. Hands me the flakes. I said I want little beta pellets. Flakes cloud the water and then the fish needs glasses, I don't have medical insurance for the fish.
Boy I had her cracking up.
Girl at the counter, I get her good. I said the girl told me that the fish has a RFID tag in it and you can scan him. She tries it. I'm laughing. She say, OH I thought you meant there was a bar code on the container. Then another girl comes over and rattles off the beta code. I said wow you are genious remembering so a long number. Any man that gets you is going to be lucky. She laughs. She was a young girl. Then she goes to the door. They were closing. Manager comes over and says. Are you manning the door. I said I think she is womanning it. She laughed.
On the way home. Wife calls. I answer. I think the agreement call before bed is working. She says Can I talk to son. I said you sure can. Put him on the phone. I can over her what she is saying and is manipulating him to stay with her tonight. Making him feel bad and making him choose. Sucks though that wife doesn't even want to say anything to me at all. Can I talk to son? That is it.
I ask to talk to D. Talk to D. She tells me mommy is just laying in bed being a bum. She said she is trying to convince her to come to living room and watch tv.
I said I'm sorry honey, do you want some pizza I will drop it off to you. She says no. Even though she is a little mad that we went with our her. I said well it happened at the last second, we were going to go to subway, but didn't. There is plenty and I can drop it off. No thanks she says. I said ok, well you can eat it tomorrow. I also have a good plan for you tomorrow. To go to a play house at Grandma's church. They have a center she rave's about. But you know I just can't stand what I call Christian chaos at her building.
Well it is Methodist based, and Jown Wesley was amiable to the Catholic Church. It is evangelical, but I don't think they are rooted in Wesley formula. No consistancy.
Son is still with me, looks like he is staying the night.
Thank you Jesus. I keep hearing the harp.
Would somebody please hit me over the head and knock me out.
She called wanted son to come be with her until she went to work. He says he doesn't want too. We had some nice texting earlier in the morning about son and daughter. During this phone call we have some small talk about cousin. How it didn't work out, but I did most of the talking. She wants me to bring son down to spend time with him before work, but he doesn't want too. I said why don't you come here before work and hang out. I will even leave. She says I didn't even take a shower yet. Well I don't know what to tell you. What I really want to say is you have poor time management skills. Then I ask if she would like to talk to son, and she says yes. I said ok, I love you. Nothing. I said, OK I LOVE YOU. She says I don't know why you do.
She talks to son for about 30 seconds.
I text her. I already told you why, do you want me to tell you again. Nothing...
I'm just never going to learn.
She shows up with daughter at 3:50. Stays for five minutes. I am reading Treasure Island and son is playing with the mega blocks pirate sets. I'm sitting in front of the picture window on a rocker, reading. I notice her pull up, but I do not look.
I left a mini rose in the door. I put it in the key hole. Daughter says why is there a flower in the keyhole. I said it is for mommy from your brother.
She comes and says thanks son. Kisses and hugs him. I just continue to read. She says hello. I look up and say hello back, then continue reading. She sits in the other rocker. Makes a complaint about it. I still read.
I also love how she kept her nasty shoes on. Nasty work shoes from the ice cream shop. I just spent 3 hours today cleaning this whole house. I although do not say anything about it.
She asks what we are going to do today. I said I'm not really sure yet. My mom went to the lake, and we were suppose to go to her church. They built a big family center and have lots of activities for the kids. She has been asking me to go for over a year, but I don't go to church. I go to Church. I call her place a building, and I have been there before the center was built. To me it is a bunch of Christian chaos.
I don't move. She comes close to me. I don't get up. It seems like she wants me to chase her, but I'm not. Seems like she wanted me to get up to hug me or something. I'm not falling for it.
She wants me she can come to me. She should already know I want her. I tell her enough.
Maybe it is time to stop the physical affection from my initiation and no more I love you's.
I'm not 100% sure it is the right thing to do, but I can't take not hearing it back or hearing why?
I feel good. I'm not down.
I also have another prospect going. A girl I know is a little down and out. She might roomy with me. Now this maybe the dumbest thing I ever do. The girl is a knock out. I already told her I'm not interested in her. I only want my wife to come home. She is reluctant because she doesn't want my wife freaking out, which could happen.
It might just be enough of a message to tell her back. You don't want me, I don't want you.
Then again it could go the other way. Well how could you love me if you let another woman move in.
Thing is I'm not pursuing it. I think I could have the other woman if I pursued it correctly.
I'm still married. I shouldn't even be thinking of this scandelous operation.
Maybe do nothing is better. Keep going with the flow. Keep the ship sailing. Only worry about the current crew, and do not take another problem on. 15 men on a dead's men chest. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
good job - you've heard it a few times. DO stop with the ILY's and the physical contact. (AND the flowers).
DON'T tell her she has poor time management skills.
Pretend she's an acquaintence (because really right now she is). What would you tell them?
And if you would still say this - reconsider. Sometimes you come off as arrogant...which isn't attractive.
DON'T let the girl move in. Bad move all around.
Spend time with your kids, take time for you.
Hey Phil, simple and to the point I guess as time is limited.
1. No girl moving in for any reason. Big mistake and will probably be the end of your marriage.It won't make her jealous, it will make her move on.
2. NO I LOVE YOU'S.......JEEESH ALREADY........
3. She's not stupid, no rose's from son.
Ian
The girl idea, I know thats a bad idea. I already thought it over, she isn't going to move in.
I guess I just have this hyperactive imagination about solving the problem quickly.
I'm paying for what happened to cousin with her too. Because our son spilled the beans. But of course she got the kid version.
I took the kids to the mall. Before the mall we went to a resturant. Out of all people to run into my cousin. He ignored me.
I texted him. You don't have to act like a putz.
No he is playing victim on me.
Wife called us. I talked to her, and said I ran into cousin. She was said, NUTAH! Then I had to explain to her. I said I don't need to justify to you, because you weren't there. Then she said our son was, and I have too. I said well for the start he didn't pay me a dime. Two he asked to crash, not his whole family. Three, I'm under a lot of stress with work and school. I don't need 6 kids here. I'm the six kid, and the six kid is trying to grow up.
I ask her if she wants me to drive by so she can see the kids. She says yes, I'll get the icecream.
I swear there is some force all the time. We are at the window and her and I are talking very pleasantly. It isn't busy. She is in normal mode. Not manic. Even her makeup looks right. My son is complaining he has to go to the bathroom. He just went at the mall. She tells me to take him home. I tell her she looks pretty. She shakes her head and says thanks. I'm a little livid. Every time things are going smoothly with her something breaks it apart.
Now I'm in a text war with cousin. Looks like DB validating is paying off with him too.
no telling her you love her.
no telling her she looks pretty.
parenting issues only. PLEASE
Why don't I just climb in a hole.
KS... I never felt like you loved me. I'm doing the opposite.
Parenting issues and I discuss on here, and I'm not suppose to tell her what is working or how to do things with the kids.
I get it but she's not wanting to hear it now. You doing it repeatedly will anger her or make her feel guilty. Do you want her to come home because she realizes she loves you or because she feels guilty?
When I say discuss parenting issues - I mean - pick up/drop off only. Not telling her how to live her life, things she "should" be doing - KWIM?
I am trying to help Phil, not telling you to climb in a hole
No I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong with everyone. Hence the hole.
Down in a hole, feelin so small.
Down in a hole, losin my soul...
I'd like to fly.
But my wings have been so denied. - Alice in Chains, Down in a hole.
I'm thinking that perhaps my interactions are pissing off the demonic possession in people. I only seem to be having problem with people who are not God fearing.
Cousin, not God fearing. The pizza incident. Those people are not God fearing. No way of knowing about the others because I didn't even know them.
Despite this board. However there is really no way of knowing who is actually friend or foe. How do I know if they are God fearing. I know some of you are. I'm thinking some of you are not. However I do believe I have been using this board as a sound post or anger channeling.
I don't need to fight every demon on the way either. Pertend they are on islands and just let them be.
Today was so peaceful for me. I have both children now, and I don't have to discipline them. I tell them once and they do it.
Now if I just could find a way to get her home. At least she said she was going to Church tomorrow. Maybe no shenanigans tonight. She didn't say which Church, only she said she wanted son to stay with her tonight. He flat out told her he was staying with Daddy. I tell her I will convince him to go with you.
More prayer...
Down in a hole, feelin so small.
Down in a hole, losin my soul...
I'd like to fly.
But my wings have been so denied. - Alice in Chains, Down in a hole.
Well...what you sow into your spirit is exactly what you get back out of it. Perhaps listen to different songs.
And again Phil, Psalm 40:2
"...He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings"Also just as a reminder for us both:
Matthew 12:34-37:
"O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.... But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned."
Amy,
I think we meaning you and I are dead meat when it comes to Mat 12.
Well here is how I let my feelings get hurt again. Last night when she picked up the kids. She said she was going to go to the Church I goto at noon mass. She never showed up.
I texted her after Church. Missed you guys in Mass. Does son want to be with me. She text. No little cousin is coming home from hid Dads and they want to see him. Ok, Jack the fish is fed, call me later, I'm going to get a haircut. If he wants to stay over let me know. Tell them I love them.
Ok, I will have them call you later.
I expected her to show up at Mass. Right and I expect her to snap out of mothership.
Last night I went out. That girl apologized to me. Someone else thought I was a cop. He said I looked so out of place. I told him that I fear no one, and I'm looking for humility. He said just mind your business and chill.
Peace for me today. Hopefully I will not fall out of any windows like our boy Eutychus.
Lost Phil,
What GAL things are you doing that don't involve the club? I wonder how much of that is good. I've always found bars and clubs to be superficial interactions and maybe not the best way for you to be finding what makes you happy. Sounds like you did well this weekend so far, though.
Going with the flow and zipping the lips and not being nasty are all good things, Phil. Be patient.
Amy,
I think we meaning you and I are dead meat when it comes to Mat 12.
Speak for yourself.
I'm teachable.
Hard-headed.
But teachable.
And I'm learning.
How about you?
Also just as a reminder for us both:
Matthew 12:34-37
Your words Amy dear, not mine. I've read some of your stuff and you my darling know how to be wicked with the pen. Yes, I think I'm learning to keep my mouth shut with her.
The porch incident. I ripped up the carpet on it. It was something she wanted done before, but I didn't think it was that bad. Well now I do so I ripped it up, and I'm trying to figure out what projects to work on for this house. I don't want to get too involved or spend any more money on it. She said it did look better just bare. She wanted to know what I was going to do with it. I said I don't know I don't really care about the porch it takes time and money. She said well what about the money from the economic stimilus. The money we were suppose to pay daughter back with. I said I'm just trying to live. She doesn't need to know what I'm going to do with my money. I already told her I don't know what is going on with my job and I was banking it. She got a little pissy and left.
It's like this. I don't think she is listening to me. She only hears what she wants to hear. Then she changes it in her mind quickly. Part of that is my problem with communicating properly.
What I wanted to say was this. Since you left I have a huge financial burden. You wanted the front porch to big bigger and covered. I can't do that with you gone. I can't do it with what is going on with my job. If I get extended another year this fall I'm going to extend the porch and make it a deck. Then if my wife ever comes back she will have the front porch she always wanted.
No matter what version I would have used it would have been wrong. Perhaps it would have been better to not have brought the topic into a time and money situation. Because that just allowed her to take the conversation where it didn't need to go.
I should have just said. The porch well the porch may have a future, or it is in the planning stage. What do you suggest?
She did ask if I was just going to paint it. You see I didn't want to get into the whole conversation of extending the porch. I don't want to waste money painting it. I would rather just do it, and do it right the first time.
Kelly, you asked about my GAL. Full time student again. Cleaning this house. Converting the living room into a Pirate ship. I had to take off from doing my Karate me knees were aching. I have to start getting firewood, and there are other projects to do around this house. Shingle the garage.
However I'm just lucky to keep up with maintenance and cleaning. Cleaning three toliets is no fun. I thought my cousin would be to help, but he was a like a child. I would have to tell him what needed done. He still wouldn't do it, or to the standard I wanted. When you vacuum you have to move stuff every once in ahwhile. This was just a playground for his kids and a place for them to stay.
I knew it wasn't going to be a good idea. I tried telling him to work it out with his wife. Then he throws it in my face that I should have told him no. I said he could stay here, not his kids. I knew it was going to turn into a zoo, and then I knew I was going to get ugly. He never did dust the two feet of dresser.
Even one day I told him everything I was doing. He said he was going to cut the back yard with the tractor. Five hours later I got sick of it and did it myself. I just wanted it done. I didn't want to have to tell him to do something.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I talked to my Aunt and Uncle today visited them. Well they are her Aunt and Uncle. They are so in my corner, but there is no way for them to help. The cousin issue even got blown out of proportion.
SG, can I change my name to Eutychus. One I think but what I talk about someone can find out who I am.
Something must fizzle in her brain around nine. She was blowing up my phone because son wanted to play Pirates online. She needed to know the website. Then she needed to know the username and password. I let it go to voice mail and I finally answered the text with the username.
Because she texted. HELLO HE is driving me nuts, please call back.
I text the username and password.
Then I text again. Sorry he is driving you nuts. Try telling him no.
I'm thinking it's 9. You are still down your parents. Go home. I know she is down her parents because he has Internet access and she doesn't at home.
I wanted son to stay with me tonight.
Earlier in the evening she texted me that kids want to stay with her. I finding it hard to believe.
Now I wonder why at 9 he was going to play that game. Were my kids staying over and she was going home alone. I could call down there, but I think I'll just let the bee next alone.
She's never coming back. But I talked to my neighbor. Something was driving me crazy. I kept noticing weeds being pulled in the gardens. I asked if it was her. My neighbor said no, your wife comes home everyday and pulls some weeds.
Weird MLC, FREAK, Alien abuctions...
Well... more BS.
Kids are staying down her parents. She doesn't bother to tell me. I call down her parents. Her mom answers I ask if the kids are there. She says yes. I'm thinking why did the phone ring off the hook. I said I have a right to know where they are. She says this is ridiculous. I said no mother you are ridiculous how you manipulate the children now put them on the phone. I talk to kids. I kind of give daughter the business for not talking to me and wanting to stay down her grandma's but not with me. I talk to son and he is so hopped on sugar you can not even talk to him. He asks if I want to talk to grandma or grandpa. I said no thank you.
I'm thinking they keep making everything easy on her.
Then I call wife and tell her I have every right to know where my kids are at all times.
I said I don't understand you. You just want to dump those kids whenever you get a chance.
She hung up.
I text her. You are just like you cousin.
I text. You blow up my phone earlier. You need to tell me were the kids are staying.
I text. You do not want to get along you just to be a jerk. Good night jerk.
You know I think I'm ready to do what I needed to do. Refi the house. Take her of the car insurance and transfer the car into her name.
I must refi now because if I loose my job, I will not be able to refi.
I need to pray tonight, and make sure that is what I need to do.
I should have done this the day she left.
I thought we were getting along today. We were texting back and forth things about the kids. We worked out a mini schedule.
No she has to go and play secretive on me. If I would have done that to her. Holy cow....!
All she has to do is talk to me and all of these things would be avoided.
Going to pray...
Why did I text her to ask her how are the kids. When she didn't answer I called down her parents.
Why couldn't I just let tonight be...
She's never coming back. But I talked to my neighbor. Something was driving me crazy. I kept noticing weeds being pulled in the gardens. I asked if it was her. My neighbor said no, your wife comes home everyday and pulls some weeds.
You don't maintain what you know you're never coming back to.
And Phil - there are only a handful of posts across these boards that I would ever apologize for. I'm not a bullsh*tter and I don't pussyfoot around. That said, I'm still very much a work in progress. As are you. So get to work.
Can't pull the trigger. Called my car insurance agent. To take her off the insurance she needs to sign. She can either go in the office and no notary, or she can get it mailed to her and she will have to get it notarized.
I can't pull the trigger, because I'm afraid of what she is going to do. Will she come to the house and just ramshack it? Will she turn into a fatal attraction.
I called my loan officer to refi, but they didn't answer. I can start the order. They paperwork has been in place since the day she left. Why can't Phil pull the trigger?
Phil needs to change the locks on the house before she can remove anymore property.
She needs to swallow the big girl pill. Phil needs to give it to her.
You don't maintain what you know you're never coming back to.
Why does she continue to treat me like crap. She is doing what she wants. She uses the children as bait all the time. Her life is one big secret. If she keeps coming back to maintain then why does she treat me poorly.
"Love is clockworks, And cold steel, finger numb, to numb to feel. Squeeze the handle, blow out the candle, Love is blindness." -U2
Phil loves his wife but can not take the immaturity any longer.
Phil needs to be in complete control and be calm no matter what she does.
Phils head is clear, but why is he talking in third person?
Phil I have a question for you.
In the bible, do things happen when people ask, or when God thinks it's the best time?
And if they throw a fit, does God give in?
I'm thinking not.....I'm thinking things happen in God's time for a reason. Take this opportunity He has given you to learn and grow. You have to look inward and see what He wants you to learn.
And detachment - is almost a form of self preservation in my mind. If you don't detach soon, you will drive yourself nuts.
And I do take it as a good sign that she's stopping by to weed the yard. She still cares. You have to take the small victories where you can.
How am I throwing a fit with God? I'm not.
I did call her this morning. I said stop treating me like crap. I have a right to know where my kids are staying. She said I knew they were going to stay down her parents. I said no I didn't you last text said they were going to stay with you. Then at 9 you were blowing up my phone because son wanted to play pirates online on grandpa's computer, and you couldn't deal with it.
I just woke up, and you are going to make me late for work.
Sorry, I'm not going to make you late for work. You are going to make yourself late. I seen you do a thousand things and talk on the phone about nonsense. Stop treating me poorly. I don't care what you do. Just tell me where my kids are at. I though son would stay with me.
Well he changed his mind at the last second. Well I said I could have been consulted about it.
Everyone is making things too easy for her. The kids stayed down there because she wouldn't have to get up early to drive them down there. Ever think maybe I would drive them down there.
I said ok, I got a clue. Have a good day. She says have a good day too.
She just keeps getting worse. I'm not going to put up with it anymore. All I have to do is go to the court house and file for full custody. File for sole possession of the house. Call the loan officer and order the refit. Call the insurance agent back and have her mail the form.
She didn't move from the school district, so I don't she can even file for child support.
I need to call the sherrif and ask about the locks. I want to change the locks before I do any of this stuff. She is going to be a hurricane, which is what I was trying to avoid. Does it bring me any closer to my goals? Nothing I'm doing now is.
Focus, breath, hold breathing on inhale, watch pulse in scope, pull the trigger...
How am I throwing a fit with God? I'm not.
Didn't say you were. Point is God allows things to happen in His time, not yours. You are expecting her to come home NOW. TODAY. There are things that need to change with both of you before that can happen so allow Him to work in you. You remember - God change me.
I did call her this morning. I said stop treating me like crap. I have a right to know where my kids are staying.
STOP!!!!!!!
She said I knew they were going to stay down her parents. I said no I didn't you last text said they were going to stay with you. Then at 9 you were blowing up my phone because son wanted to play pirates online on grandpa's computer, and you couldn't deal with it.
Again STOP! Was it her time to be with the kids? You don't have a right to dictate where the kids are! Maybe they wanted to stay with their grandparents.
I don't confer with my ex on every place I take my daughter. You are separated.
I just woke up, and you are going to make me late for work.
Sorry, I'm not going to make you late for work. You are going to make yourself late. I seen you do a thousand things and talk on the phone about nonsense. Stop treating me poorly. I don't care what you do. Just tell me where my kids are at. I though son would stay with me.
AGAIN STOP! Telling her her she sucks as a person, it's no wonder she wont' talk to you Phil. You belittle her and every thing she does. I wouldn't talk to you either.
Well he changed his mind at the last second. Well I said I could have been consulted about it.
She should have clued you in on where they were staying if he was to stay with you.
I do hate the separation of the kids tho. It's like you're the guy so you get your son, and she's the woman so she gets the daughter. They both need your influence.
Everyone is making things too easy for her. The kids stayed down there because she wouldn't have to get up early to drive them down there. Ever think maybe I would drive them down there.
I said ok, I got a clue. Have a good day. She says have a good day too.
You've got to let go of some of the anger. It's not good for anyone. And you can't assume you know what she's doing. Or why.
She just keeps getting worse. I'm not going to put up with it anymore. All I have to do is go to the court house and file for full custody. File for sole possession of the house. Call the loan officer and order the refit. Call the insurance agent back and have her mail the form.
She didn't move from the school district, so I don't she can even file for child support.
I need to call the sherrif and ask about the locks. I want to change the locks before I do any of this stuff. She is going to be a hurricane, which is what I was trying to avoid. Does it bring me any closer to my goals? Nothing I'm doing now is.
Focus, breath, hold breathing on inhale, watch pulse in scope, pull the trigger...
Child support isn't based on where you live. If you're serious about filing for sole custody you better be ready for the fight you're asking for. Are you just wanting a reaction? Or are you seriously done with the waiting/standing for your marriage?
If it's a knee jerk reaction because you're mad well I would reconsider.
If you've thought it over, and prayed heavily, and this is your answer then be ready.
Phil,
Please slow down and think about what you are doing. You react so quickly and then put yourself in a position of trying to undo all of the damage you have done.
Let's take this slow.
I do believe that things like your wife going to your house to pull weeds gives you hope. So, you start to act in order to get a reaction, i.e. changing the locks or taking her off insurance. After all, if there is hope, then why not push it along?
Well, Phil, I am here to tell you it won't work. Anytime I acted in that manner (doing things to get a reaction) I usually got the exact opposite of the reaction I had hoped for.
Your manic calls and texts to her just go to show that you are not ready to make any big decisions. You need to live separated first! You may think you are living separated already, but you aren't! If you think you are ready to change those locks or do any of the other things you are contemplating, I beg of you to first try the other things everyone has been telling you since you first began posting.
GO DARK, Phil.
Do not call. Do not text. When she has the kids let her handle them. If they are not in danger with their grandparents then let that go. You have to stop dictating to everyone how things need to be. If I was your wife I would have given up on being able to satisfy you long ago. It is a horrible feeling to constantly be told everything you are doing is wrong.
I know that you feel that she does the same to you. But, you can only control you. So PLEASE change your end of the dynamic.
Before you change anything about her access to the house or any of the bills, first change your interactions. Maybe you will get to the point where you do need to change the other things. But, maybe you won't. You are putting the cart before the horse.
Take this one day at a time, Phil. Start today. Report to us each night that you were able to refrain from calling or texting. Only answer calls or texts that have to do with your children. And don't bother with saying that she is the one that does the calling or texting. You say that a lot and it is simply not true.
I know this is the same advice you have gotten countless times. I hope at some point it sinks in your head. When you are not all manic over your wife you can be a pretty funny guy. I have to admit, I laughed out loud at the question about why is Phil talking in the 3rd person.
Anyway, slow down. Start with limiting your interactions with her. This shouldn't be as hard as you make it out to be if you are sincere about wanting to keep her out of your house anyway.
Phil, you are alienating her and her parents. Not a good idea if you ever hope to turn this thing around.
I wish you believed in counseling. That is not intended as a slam against you. You are going through a very traumatic time and it helps to have someone to talk to.
Oh, and one last thing---
I wonder if you can try something when you post. It is something that I did and it really helped me along:
Instead of just venting, be sure to write out things that happened as if you knew your wife (or the people involved in the situation) would be reading what you said. See if it changes the way you describe what happened. I know it kept me out of victim mode. I was better able to give accurate descriptions of events because I could hear in my head what my H would say if he were to read what I wrote. Does that make sense? It just seems to me that you think that everyone is provoking you all of the time. I wonder how the people on the other side would describe the same situations if given the opportunity.
Take care, Phil. You will get through this.
Pam
Phil,
You are reacting in an over the top way. What I read in your own words did not rate the hatred and anger that it flipping you out, Phil. Get a grip. You are not the only freaking person having issues right now and you need to get a grip.
Don't be so reactive. Don't change the locks, file for custody, take her off the insurance or refi the house just because you are pissed off. What the hell do you expect her to do when you are texting her she is a jerk?
Two schools of thought.
Change the locks, refi, and take her off the insurance. Give her the feeling of being on her own.
Don't do any of that.
Two seperate pieces of advice. That neither will work.
What is the best outcome.
I have to think about what is right for Phil. Wife is in her own little world. She knows how to drag around and push my buttons. She said she was done. She told me to get a clue she wasn't coming home.
Then stop coming home. Stop driving me crazy. Stop showing up when I'm not there to pick weeds and do whatever the hell your doing. You shut me out of your life. Then stop using the cell phone as an electronic leash for when you can't deal with the kids.
Phil likes talking in third person.
BTW, I talked with the cops. They say I can't change the locks because she is on the deed. It is a civil matter that I need to discuss with an antorney.
Limbo...
Right and having the insurance agent mail her a letter and paperwork to remove her from the insurance will just spin her out of control.
It comes down to one question to her. Does she want us and the kids to loose the house?
I'm not being reactive. In the beginning I was told by other posters to do those things and I held back for about three months because I didn't want to start a war. However I see no improvement and I'm a man of action. I fix things. I fix everything. I can't fix her. There have only been two things in my life I attempted to fix and could not. A watch, and a 94 Jeep that kept stalling.
Well I didn't have the tools for a watch.
The Jeep I threw every part at it I could, and never found the problem. I had an electronics specialist look at it twice and he couldn't figure it out either. The only thing I didn't try was the neutral safety switch. I wish I had that Jeep back, but all I heard was you don't know what you are doing. I need a more reliable car. What I should have heard from her was. I know you are doing your best. I appreciate all the effort you are taking trying to provide me with a reliable vehicle.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO I never got anything close to resemble that.
I got verbally abused for it. Constantly. It doesn't matter what I do. Nothing is ever good enough.
I think this Captain needs to sail.
I feel stable and healthy. The wind it be good. I have rations to last for months. The crew has their rum and beer. The spoils are tarnished. No more skullduggery. Button down the hatches.
"Climb up the mast,"
Erbayshun said to me
"Me crow's nest, needs a sweep, so swab it me hearty!"
We sail towards Jesus.
Phil,
best of luck to you, really.
If you want to save your marraige, you are going about it in the worst possible way.
If you want to end your marraige, then Phil has found the quickest possible route with the maximum amount of damage to everyone involved, Phil included.
If you want to save your marraige, you are going about it in the worst possible way.
Sing it Sinatra!
You very brave KenF, very brave indeed.
How do I create loss for her. We are seperated. She needs to know what divorce life and seperation is. You don't want to be at the house. Then stop coming to it. You don't want to speak with me in a civil manner and create a schedule or discuss with me where the children are at or doing. Then don't show up at the house unannounced in the evening attempting to drop them off so they are out of your hair. You don't know how to discipline them. Don't expect me to bail you out. Because every time I bailed you out, you became the big eraser. Don't yell at them you would say. Leave them alone they are alright. Treated them like friends rather then children. She put them in front of her heart.
She is the one that needs to change, and frankly I don't think I want to hang around for it anymore. Eight months of BS. BS that should improve.
All she cares about is that stupid ice cream shop.
For 11 years of marriage I have been treated like crap. Yes I have reacted poorly to some situations which caused more dissention after dissention. It also gave her enough ammunition to tell everyone that I was the abuser.
She was the abuser. I tried to let it go. Everyone has there breaking point. Do you know how many times I told her to shut the hell up, because it was usually stupid nonsense made mountains from molehills.
She is the one that needs to change, and frankly I don't think I want to hang around for it anymore. Eight months of BS. BS that should improve.
The core of the matter.
Yes, in 8 months you should have seen some changes...
IF you had made some as well.
You and your wife are still and always will be in a vicious cycle if both of you keep interacting the same old way. Keep pushing the same buttons and keep reacting to the other one pushing those same old buttons.
Yes she needs to change, absolutely, you need to show her how, not tell her. Phil talks alot, Phil needs to do.
You got the one you wanted giving you advice, are you listening to it? Are you livng it? Have you stopped saying "I love you?" yet?
You think I am this expert, that's fine. Are you doing anything I have reccomended?
Phil,
I know that it seems the advice is conflicting, but really it isn't. Both involve letting her be a big girl. One is just more extreme than the other. Since you have yet to master the less extreme option (limited contact), it seems rash to jump into the other.
I know it is frustrating for her to say one thing ("I am not coming home") and to do another (show up frequently unannounced). Tell ya what- don't put her in the position of having to say those words. Phil often provokes those statements from his wife.
Yes, you must do what is right for Phil. I just caution you from doing it too quickly. Slow and steady wins the race, pal.
In reading your posts it is very clear that you are not ready to sail yet. Unless you want to end up like Adam Sandler in 50 First Dates, crying uncontrollably as you leave the shore....
Take a step back, BREATHE. Don't do anything you cannot undo!!!
Phil, what is your goal? stop feeling sorry for yourself. you have all combined effort advice wise, from numerous db'ers and you just flat out ignore most of it.why? None of what you want to do will probably get you any closer to your ultimate goal. you are signing your marriage's death warrant if you continue along this same path. No one here wants to see you fail. listen, pray , seek God. Let her go. you can still see her and let her go. it is hard. You need to remember , this is a marathon, not a sprint, that is why you are so exasperated.Your wife will do crazy things, let her, you cannot stop her. Just try and not let it affect you and your children. Be the buffer for your kids. It sucks, i know, but you have to be their rock. Some day they will thank you for it. My older children appreciate what I did when their mother went off the deepend and just checked out. I had to be their rock, it was very hard,I was hurting, but i persevered. Now i am going through it again.
I have to think about what is right for Phil. Wife is in her own little world.
I agree with your assessment of your wife, by and large. It is what it is, and you have the advantage of it being a perfectly predictable behavior.
You win: you have convinced us your wife is nuts. That's pretty much a given when they're wayward. 600 posts later, we will concede the point. YOU WERE RIGHT.
The question is,
what are you going to do about it. And 600 posts later, you're still classifying it as having to do what's best for Phil.
You say you want to go for full custody. I respect that, but what makes you think that you are a more fit parent than your wife right now, in the Court's eyes?
Puppy
Jack,
I stopped the I love you's since the other night I got a reply of the Why? Yes it has only been a couple of days.
I told you about the confusion of this matter.
Phil talks alot. Phil is torn as to what action to take. Go dark, that is nearly impossible with the kids.
Having cousin there made matters worse, because he would banter with her. At least that problem is behind me.
Yes, Jack, I don't use the B or the really bad C word at her anymore. I switched it to Jerk. Because a Jerk is a tug, a tug is a boat, a boat floats on water, water is beautiful and so am I.
She thinks she is saving me money by not living together. It costs more that she gone.
STOP THE MUSIC! STOP THE PRESS! STOP THE SHIP!
Puppy, you were never to post to me again. Then you had a good post until you forgot to shut your mouth at the end.
You say you want to go for full custody. I respect that, but what makes you think that you are a more fit parent than your wife right now, in the Court's eyes?
No go away bad little Puppy. But I'll answer your question. Because I'm not the one pulling kids out of the house around midnight.
Craig, I don't feel sorry for myself. Please for the love of GOD, learn how to paragraph. Create space in your type. Use the Enter key. It's the big key on the right, it says.
E N T E R And it has a arrows called undercarriage on it.
You newbies trying to join this dance just go pray for everyone.
Jack, your advice is being cluttered by everyone else. Storm, dropped network, parents that show up, power goes out, son has to go to bathroom, cousin is there.... etc... Clutter....
I need to talk to the people I need to talk to. It's JACK, AMYC, Wifey, and Brandnew day. The rest of you please stop cluttering.
Phil, I will cease posting to your situation. Please listen to Amyc, wifey, bnd, and Jack.
The plot thickens.
1. If I loose my job I will not be able to refi the house. We are looking by the end of September.
2. If I attempt to refi the house she may turn into a tornado.
Really I have to do something or get off the chamberpot here.
Early today I texted her. I prefer life with you, mine is not going to stop since you left. There are details you and I need to talk about financials. In person in a calm manner. She asked like what. I said I do not want to discuss in text. Basically it comes down to one question. Do you want us and the kids to loose the house?
She said stop buying things, and I'm saving you money by not living there.
I text. I'm not buying anything. Talk to me. Not your girlfriend. You are not saving me money by being gone. Who is paying for your car, your insurance, and health insurance. Listen to yourself not other. Do you want to loose your house?
You are the one that bought a Jeep, a Wii and webkins.
Those are immaterial. The Wii and Webkins are bandaids to the kids. They are hurting. They want to do activities and we have been doing them. I needed a good vehicle for the kids.
I'm save u so much money by not living there. If we got by when I lived there u can surely do it now!
I'm not talking about his in text. The bills grew when you left.
Sorry, I ate lunch at (name of resturant)
For the record, that was her and I's first date at that resturant.
Yes, I'm doing everything wrong. She needs to answer the question. The chamberpot is overflowing.
Because if I loose my job, then Refi is not even an option and the same madness will continue until I get another job. I'm running out of options. I'm not doing any of this out of anger. I need to protect myself, my children, and my home. While she is in crazy land.
You see if I refi, she looses her house anyway. If she puts more of a finicial burden on me we and the kids loose the house. However she is trying to blame it on the fact that I'm spending money. She didn't bring up the fact that I spent 300 dollars on summer clothes for the kids.
It's all BS.
I should have not talked about any of this. I should have just did it. Nope I'm a big sissy!
New lightbulb went off.
Called insurance agent. Please send the paperwork to my home that way I can control how to present her with the information that she is being taken off the insurance.
She has to sign.
She wants this seperation. Then she needs to feel the seperation.
(((Phil)))
Stop for just a moment and read some other people's sitch's. Please. Look around at the pain. Stop thinking about this for a minute. Bring some compassion into your life. I'm reaching out to you Phil.
I'm just a flawed person that loves my h. All I want is to be his w. I'm failing at that miserably. That is why I can empathize with your feelings.
You are actually lucky to be able to feel anger, Phil. All I can feel is deep sorrow and regret and fear.
I'm suggesting that maybe, just maybe, you need to move beyond the anger. You need to have a bit of time to yourself to feel the other emotions, other than anger. You need to feel the sorrow without reacting in anger. You need to feel the regret without reacting in anger. You need to feel the fear without reacting in anger.
I think anger, like other things, can be a habit. This habit will only burn and hurt and stab and scar you, Phil. I'm really worried for you.
I want to see Phil be ok with Phil.
Phil, I wasn't on your list of posters but I am gonna anyway just because.
I just want to say that taking some of the actions that would occur through the onset of Divorce is one thing if done through the proper channels. To do these things on your own, may be a mistake.
My advice is seek legal counsel before you initiate any of these ideas that you have in mind and verify the legal ramifications in your state. Your refi on the house may be a bad idea if there is no legal separation yet.
Changing the locks may even be against the law. In some states it is not allowed and while a sherriff's deputy may say it's ok, he's not a lawyer and doesn't really know what will help or hurt you should divorce be on the horizon.
Be cautious as you start making these decisions Phil. You really need some legal advice if that is the path you choose to take.
My opinion on it all is that Jack is more on the ball than anyone right now. You have not heeded his advice yet, when are you actually going to do what the expert tells you to? Maybe before you go doing something crazy you should try listening instead.
Ian
((((Phil)))
Hey Phil......
I won't ask how you are doing today, as I have just got caught up with reading some of your latest posts and I can see for myself.
Totally off of the subject here, but I think you mentioned a few weeks back that you had some corn growing, how is that coming along? My own crop looks great and the kids are very excited about picking it.
Honey, all I can tell you right now is that I am worried about you. I don't believe it is necessary to try and make her deal with consequences and take her off of the insurance. She doesn't have much money as you know and doing things to get a reaction and make a point can often backfire in your face.
Phil, I know I have advised this before but please try to leave her alone. I know you love it when she touches down for a few minutes from her Mothership, but until her feet actually really touch the ground she is going to continue to make you unhappy.
I won't make excuses for her but I do know what I learned from my own experience with my Husband. Phil, the monsters in my head were way worse then the reality of the situation. Please let the monsters go to sleep and get a clear head.
From your writings here you are a very intelligent Man. You are also a Man who sees things as black and white. You are logical. You are analytical. Everything needs to make sense. That is why God's word works for you. Unfortunately Phil, in this situation, you are trying so hard to find logic in an illogical situation.
I want so much to see you succeed and to win back your family but we need to try a different course.
I know we all have a different method of doing things, and although I have said this before, I will say it again. Being still and taking a seat in the Refiner's fire is a good place to be. Let him minister to your pain and let Him do the work. Learn how to breathe through the pain and the frustration instead of reacting.
I am praying for you.
Sending huge hugs
((((hugs))))
BND
X
Something may have worked at least for me.
Simple as this. She dropped are son off. I was calm. She asked who was screaming it was the neighbor. I was on the back deck. I asked son what he wanted to do later. Son said he wanted to sleep over night with her though.
Son and I had a good time. I was so tired at 10:30 I fell asleep. Her and I texted where does he want to stay. I said he wants to be with you. Again that was the orginal plan.
I fell asleep.
She showed up. Was all crazy. Came storming in the house. I was calm. I took my son out to the car. Told him it's no problem he can play game tomorrow on the computer.
I kissed him.
I went around to other side. Daughter was her usual self. MIXMATCH clothes. She is like pippy longstockings. Two different socks, flip flops, wrist bands, etc... I said that is my girl, she is back. Wife laughed.
Wife game me a couple of bag of clothes said kids were complaining they had nothing here. BS. But they have been taking everything.
Only mistake I made. I asked wife to roll down window. I kissed her cheek.
I walked over to the steps on the sidewalk. I kneeled down and made the sign of the cross. I prayed. She pulled out.
I prayed....
I was calm while she was here. She said she called, I told her she didn't. I said sorry it must have been your manic phase.
Lord, bring my family home...
BND, I don't know where you have been. But your words really ring true. My core. I have about five stalks from virgin birdies. It's about five feet tall. I knew it was going to bear fruit because it was knee high before the fourth of July.
Someitmes I think this family is going to be ok. Phil isn't going to do anything. Sit in the fire and cook.
Phil's head is good right now. Phil is healthy. Doesn't feel down. Chemical free. Farm Fresh!
Ian, you are on the list.
I'm not going to do anything crazy. I guess I just have to ride this out and try and make each interaction with her as positive as possible.
However I still do not see her returning. This is the third month of seperation. I don't see things improving from her end. She seems to be getting worse.
Someone is also messing with my wind chimes on the front porch. Every time I go out the porch I see one of the chimes ripped off.
To tell you the truth I thought it was the neighbor kids. But they were not home last night. I think she is pulling them off when she stops by. I was thinking about putting the webcam on it, but then I'm not going to drive myself crazy watching that thing.
I did that last summer. Waiting and watching for someone to throw rocks through my window again.
I think a lot of my pain is going away. I did break down last night while talking to a friend. My son was playing games on the laptop. He said I know dad you are sad about mommy.
When she did show up. She was wearing some hideous looking booty shorts. She still thinks she is 16.
She is playing the avoidance game. Yesterday I asked her if she wanted to loose the house. She wouldn't answer. I also wanted to setup a meeting to talk about financials. She is avoiding that also.
It is like she is in her own little world and does not want any responsibility. She just wants to throw excuse after excuse on the problem.
I also think I have indentified problems. When she says something I should know exactly what to say, but I do not. I only think of it hours later, because my head was so clouded before.
It's so frustrating....
you are trying so hard to find logic in an illogical situation.
Yes, it is the square root of pi. It's a conundrum wrapped in paradox surrounded by an Enigma. -says the Riddler.
There is no logic to it. Maybe I need to turn the ties so she can not bait me. What are you going to do with the porch.
I don't know, and just left it at that. Maybe I should just use plenty of I don't knows and maybes.
What time can you be there to pick up the kids. I would say when I get there. Now I should just say I don't know and leave it at that.
From your writings here you are a very intelligent Man.
Intelligence is getting me no where with her, but thank you. I think you are a very smart lady. Someday we should eat crumpets at a posh resturant, perhaps in Europe.
Hey Phil, I understand the foggy feeling and the clouded head. You did better last night. Perhaps you would have done even better if it wasn't so late at night.
Don't look for the improvement on her end yet. Its is little early, even though she's been gone what seems like forever. The point is to keep working on you and being positive.
Are you seeing any counselors to give you someone to talk to. It is helping me tremendously. Just a thought.
Kelly,
To me its all psychobabble. We have to put labels on everything, and then once it is labled there still isn't any answers.
I watched the Soprano's for six years. Where did therapy get Tony.
Ok that is a bad example.
Ok, I need help with two things non related.
1. When does a thread get locked, this one is at 20 pages.
2. What is the name for this? When a person uses a mouth jesture and makes a chick or click sound. Kind of like a wink with the mouth by making a sound.
“The Most Holy Virgin, in these last times in which we live, has given a new efficacy to the recitation of the Rosary to such an extent that there is no problem, no matter how difficult it is, temporal or especially spiritual, in the personal life of each one of us, of our families, of the families of the world or of the religious communities, or even of the life of peoples and nations, that cannot be solved by the Rosary. There is no problem, I tell you, no matter how difficult it is that we cannot resolve by the prayer of the Holy Rosary. With the Holy Rosary, we will save ourselves. We will sanctify ourselves. We will console Our Lord and obtain the salvation of many souls."
Sister Lucia (seer at Fatima) to Father Fuentes, 1957
not sure about the gesture but normally threads are locked around 100 posts
You should be locking soon. The mod's will catch up with you. Its usually around 100 posts.
The mouth think I just think is a click. That is what the dog trainer called it when I took the dog to obedience.
Seriously Phil. I think you could use a little psychobable. It is helping me tremendously and you might make more progress than on your own.
((((Phil)))
I saw this today in my in-box and I thought of you....
Each Tuesday Bob shares from the prodigal's view, over two
decades after his remarriage to Charlyne.
- - - - -
It Is Hard For A Prodigal When -
Nothing I say or do seems to shock or upset you.
"I forgive you" is uttered as often as my name.
"Don't worry about it" is your answer to everything I have done.
You let me talk about you-know-who and you just smile.
I see you growing spiritually when I am living in sin.
You build me up to our kids so they still love me.
You have zipped your lips.
You are content living with almost nothing.
You agree to anything and everything I ask.
You depend on Jesus, and not on me, to be your provider.
I can't push your buttons like I once did.
You make it impossible for me to hate you, or even to dislike you.
You seem to remember all the things I like.
You remind me that you will be waiting until you die.
I know the home I left could always be my refuge from the storms
of life.
I suspect everyone is reminding you how I will never change, and
adding how old dogs don't learn new tricks. I am not a dog and I
am not out to learn tricks. I set out to be happy without you,
but every time you show me unconditional love, instead of anger
and attempting to get even, something is being changed in my
heart, one small bit at a time.
People are also probably telling you not to be a doormat for me,
but they have it all wrong. You are not being a door mat, but a
welcome home mat.
The prodigal said:
"I never loved you."
The Lord said:
"I have loved you with an everlasting love." (Jeremiah 31:3)
The prodigal said:
"You never satisfied me."
The Lord said:
"You open your hand and satisfy the desire of every living
thing." (Psalm 145:16)
The prodigal said:
"I am never coming back."
The Lord said:
"He who goes out weeping carrying seed to sow, will return
with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." (Psalm 126:6)
The prodigal said:
"Stop praying for me!"
The Lord said:
"Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat
you." (Luke 6:28)
The prodigal said:
"I hate you."
The Lord said:
"Everyone who does evil hates the light for fear that his
deeds will be exposed." (John 3:20)
The prodigal said:
"You act so holy."
The Lord said:
"For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy
life." (I Thessanlonians 4:7)
The prodigal said:
"You are a hypocrite."
The Lord said:
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged." (Matthew 7:1)
The prodigal said:
"I don't know what to do."
The Lord said:
"Come, follow me," Jesus said, and I will make you fishers
of men." (Mark 1:17)
These words are being written at 6 AM. Charlyne will find them
on her vanity as a good morning greeting. How do I know all
those things wayward spouses say? Sadly, they have each been
uttered in our home. Today, as you prepare to face another day
without your spouse serving the Lord look through the eyes of
faith at the morning note your mate will leave you, in God's
timing.
You said it sister... Really I think the best medicine for me now is to just rest. Hopefully she will not screw with me tonight after work. I'm just going to go home and relax.
There is too much on my plate with work and school.
hmmmmmmmmmm, my kids just called me. Son wants to be with me tonight. I asked what his mother was doing. He said she was laying in bed. That's all she ever does on her days off. I would love to tell her to get off her a$$ and install a hard wood floor, drywall, build a deck, or shingle something.
I was a called a lazy SOB when I just wanted to rest on my days off.
Talk to daughter and she says they are going to BK or something with some friends.
That's the only place she ever takes them is BK.
I'm wondering now why she is so tired. Is she up all night boppin someone? Yes the monsters in our head are far worse then the truth. I feel as if I get far less sleep then she does and I have more energy.
I know she is on her feet most of the time running around that ice cream shop.
So much for getting that rest tonight. So much for not having to deal with her. Looks like I'll have the kids every night starting Weds, because she works four to close weds, thurs, fri, and Sun.
You know what they say. There is no rest for the wicked.
"But the wicked are like the troubled sea, when it cannot rest, whose waters cast up mire and dirt." Is 57:20
The wicked shall be tormented.
I feel constant torment, am I wicked?
Phil, I don't think you are wicked.
Good Kelly, then would you marry me? I mean after all this we do and it doesn't work. Will you wait for me?
At least I have my sense of humor!
Hosea, emotional man who could pass quickly from violent anger to the deepest tenderness. Well his wife was a harlot.
I just eat 10 tootsie rolls now I feel great!
Maybe you should keep a bag of Tootsie rolls with you at all times then Phil.....
Just because you will have the kids for those 4 days does not mean you have to have serious interaction with her. Stand at the door, let the kids in, tell her to have a nice night at work and close the door. Simple enough.
Ian
Phil,
I don't know if you could handle me as your wife. But, if things don't work out I'll get back to you on that one. It was sweet of you to ask.
I love Tootsie rolls, but only if they are fresh. Have a good night. I am heading home and I have homework in front of me tonight.
Ha, trust me Kelly there was and is no woman harder to deal with then my current wife. Anybody before her was a creampuff, and anybody after her will be too. Yuk homework me too. I am in my tenth class. I'm going to take two weeks off before my next class.
Actually Ian I ended up taking a nap after eating those tootsie rolls.
Well you may be right about serious interactions, but it depends on what she will try and pull. I did not like the night she texted after 12 and went some where. She didn't pick the kids up till twenty till one.
Everytime she picks them up she always waltz's in the house too. I was just hoping tonight I would have some peace but it looks like my son wants to be with me.
Even when she dropped him off the other night I didn't like how she just stood in front of the house on the sidewalk.