Reaching out or "just friends"? - 03/02/09 04:27 PM
I've been a longtime "lurker" here on these boards and only posted a couple of times. Any advice you guys can offer me, is much appreciated...
I'm pretty sure that my ex-h went through a midlife crisis-like experience which erupted in May 2007 – had affair with his assistant (train wreck), left me saying ILYBINILWY, dropped many of his friends, the whole shebang. Our divorce was final in October 2008. I bought a new house on my own and, overall, I have been getting on with my life. I gave up "standing" after the divorce because there seemed to be no point - the divorce was final and I just wanted to be done with all of craziness of the last 2 years.
Now, it seems that my exh is starting to rebuild his previously-discarded friendships, is dating someone new (NOT the AP), but he keeps "popping up" in my life. He doesn't ask me to do anything together or anything like that but he keeps offering to lend me things that I don't ask for (random DVDs, etc.) or he wants to play on my co-rec sports teams that we used to play on together. Stuff that doesn't really make a lot of sense to me.
We had dinner a couple weeks ago to talk (my idea to talk/his idea to do dinner out) about the "rules" of sharing friends. Lasted about 2 hours and we laughed a lot and he kept saying things that were confusing to me ("a coworker of mine is so much like you so I'm sure that's why we get along so well." I didn't push anything.
Over the last few months of him stopping by with mail and chatting, etc. I started to think that we were getting along or whatever and perhaps he was trying to reconnect. But, Saturday, I found out he is dating someone new who is NOT the AP. I got a little sad because in my mind, that is symbolic of him "moving on."
Was I reading too much into everything and he was just trying to lay the groundwork to being "great friends" post-divorce? How do you know when they are reconnecting vs. just trying to assuage their guilt of treating you like a doormat?
I'm pretty sure that my ex-h went through a midlife crisis-like experience which erupted in May 2007 – had affair with his assistant (train wreck), left me saying ILYBINILWY, dropped many of his friends, the whole shebang. Our divorce was final in October 2008. I bought a new house on my own and, overall, I have been getting on with my life. I gave up "standing" after the divorce because there seemed to be no point - the divorce was final and I just wanted to be done with all of craziness of the last 2 years.
Now, it seems that my exh is starting to rebuild his previously-discarded friendships, is dating someone new (NOT the AP), but he keeps "popping up" in my life. He doesn't ask me to do anything together or anything like that but he keeps offering to lend me things that I don't ask for (random DVDs, etc.) or he wants to play on my co-rec sports teams that we used to play on together. Stuff that doesn't really make a lot of sense to me.
We had dinner a couple weeks ago to talk (my idea to talk/his idea to do dinner out) about the "rules" of sharing friends. Lasted about 2 hours and we laughed a lot and he kept saying things that were confusing to me ("a coworker of mine is so much like you so I'm sure that's why we get along so well." I didn't push anything.
Over the last few months of him stopping by with mail and chatting, etc. I started to think that we were getting along or whatever and perhaps he was trying to reconnect. But, Saturday, I found out he is dating someone new who is NOT the AP. I got a little sad because in my mind, that is symbolic of him "moving on."
Was I reading too much into everything and he was just trying to lay the groundwork to being "great friends" post-divorce? How do you know when they are reconnecting vs. just trying to assuage their guilt of treating you like a doormat?