Need a kick in the butt....

Posted By: Bliss

Need a kick in the butt.... - 02/22/09 04:21 AM

I'm hoping someone out there can give me a good hard kick and get me out of this pity party mode that I've been stuck in for the past month....ugh!

H filed for D a day after our 26th anniversary in October. I'm sick with MS, and feel totally sorry for myself. I'm tired of feeling like this, however, I can't seem to stop crying and move forward. Quite honestly, I'm so filled with anger towards him...yet, I miss him so much.

The stress of the D has just wiped me out physically. He's done just about every mean thing a person can imagine and I'm still in the 'shock' stage. Wierd...here we are four months into this and I'm still feeling shocked. Whats up with that? I guess this must be due to the fact that he's always claimed to be 'a nice guy' to me and everyone else and then he files for D, asking the court to grant him no maintenance payments to me, and also full custody of our S12.

I need to move on. I need to move on. Gosh...how do I start to move on?

thanks for listening,

Posted By: onward

Re: Need a kick in the butt.... - 02/22/09 05:13 AM

Your H is a chicken [censored] scumbag.

FWIW - my mother was diagnosed w/MS right around your age. It's been 25 years since, and my father has stuck by her side. all in all she has done well with the progression. Even though they had a tough marriage during the child rearing years (who hasn't ?), they stuck through it during my teenage years right after her diagnosis. I can say that there is a dependency there due to the MS that has placed a strain on their relationship. This has been the case for the past 20 years, and it makes my mother lash out periodically - but they've also found a way to make it work for them in the last 15 years.

Do you have legal representation? What does your lawyer say? Unless you've been the primary bread winner there is no way your H can avoid support payments. Full custody? on what basis? kids need equal time with both parents post divorce, and most judges are inclined to provide this.

With MS it is critical that you work on getting yourself to a mental state that minimizes stress. So perhaps a quick separation is best, but invest in a good lawyer.

Your H's actions are despicable and uncaring, I would expose them to his family and friends ASAP. It is one thing to ask for a divorce, it's quite another to be this uncaring, selfish and thoughtless.
Posted By: native

Re: Need a kick in the butt.... - 02/22/09 05:31 AM

It has been almost a year since my wife dropped the bomb. I think it took almost 8 months for me to get out of the shock stage.....and it still resurfaces from time to time. I still struggle with anger towards her. Sometimes I find myself cursing her over and over....

A couple I know struggles with MS. She has stayed with him and continues to love him. He, Louis, is a great guy. I hope you have some good friends and family around. My best wishes to you. Be strong and hang in there! Don't let your H's abandonment reflect on who you are. It is more about who he is....
Posted By: Bliss

Re: Need a kick in the butt.... - 02/22/09 03:21 PM

Thank you both for your words of encouragement and support. I stepped back from these forums for a little while, just because my focus has been on survival. Now I realize that survival for me must include those who have been there, done that...and can help me to begin to rebuild.

Onward: I agree with you on your classification of what my H has turned out to be. So why do I want him back? Ugh…this is the most frustrating part of it all. We live in a small town and he’s trashed me to everyone…”She did this….She did that….” Blah, blah, blah. I’ve texted him several times, just spewing…and I really don’t want to spew anymore. I’ve been on social security for three years now, support myself? How? I couldn’t believe when we went to court the first time….a woman judge!!! I thought to myself, how can a MAN step in front of woman judge, after being married for 26 years, and look that judge in the eye and say he wants nothing to do with maintenance for his ill wife?? And then he has the nerve to text me after the first court date and say “Are you happy now? I bet your sleeping well tonight…” Huh? Amazing!!

I’m very blessed that I do have some amazing friends, and an amazing family. H took the car…I have no way to get around, so I’ve relied on many people to get me to and from doctor’s appointments, and even though I feel like such a burden, they’ve stuck by me and have helped me.
I’m tired of crying. I WANT TO BE STRONG!

I’m honestly not saying that I’ve been blameless in the troubles of our marriage. I have asked God to help me forgive me and move forward.

GAL? Ugh…I don’t even know where to start! Ideas anyone?

Thanks so much and hugs to you all,
Posted By: native

Re: Need a kick in the butt.... - 02/23/09 01:55 AM

First thing I think would be good GALing, is to take good care of yourself. Eat right, sleep enough, etc.

Then doing something with your appearance is a great next step. Go to a hair stylist, clothing, etc.

Perhaps a next step is getting involved in some kind of group that interests you or working for a cause.

Or taking a class for fun or to further your education.

Just some ideas......
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