I've been on the Newcomer's forum, my thread was "Husband's Midlife Crisis" I'll try to fill you in on what has happened. My H told me 9/6/07 that he wanted a divorce. I had no ideal that anything was wrong except that he had been distant to me over the last couple of months. I discovered he met OW on a scuba diving trip the end of June, they started emailing, texting & phone. H quit is excellent job in Nashville & move to Austin, TX to be with her 3/5/08, this is the longest they have ever been together. I'm so devastated, we were so much in love at one time. He adored me as much as I adored him but he is 48 years old & I believe is going through MLC. H won't admit it.
I don't believe it will work with OW but I don't know how long it is going to last.
H was the love of my life & I am having a hard time giving him up plus I realize it is a MLC & hope I could forgive him. He is or was such a good, kind & caring person but has seemed to change over night. H was so mean & cruel to me, not abusive but hateful & very hurtful saying he just wants to be away from me & he doesn't love me anymore. He did tell me that he didn't know what love was until he met me. I cannot imagine my life without him.
We went thru mediation 3/3/08 & settled. From what I understand my husband was not happy with the settlement. I got the house & 3 years of alimony, he said I drained him. H also had to pay all lawyer's fees including the mediator. Total for just that day was over 9000.00.
4/8/08 the divorce is final. Hopefully one day he will come out of his fog & realize what he has done.
H moved things out of house 4/11 & 4/12/08, it was hard but I made it. We were cordial to each other.
I got an email from OW on 4/14/08, here is what it says:
I just want so say thank you.....for the most beautiful, amazing, kind, caring, and loving man I've ever known in my life. I am truly blessed beyond my dreams.
(And of course, for not suing me - that was so generous of you!)
Life goes on...I wish you all of the good stuff...love and happiness and freedom from anything that does not lead you there.
I am happy it is all over and I am sure you are too.
Finally we call all B-R-E-A-T-H-E.!
Take care,
Debbie
Can you believe this????????? I called H & left him a message on his cell phone, here is what I said: I don't know if you are aware of this or not or have any knowledge of this but I think it is in very poor taste for your woman friend to email me THANKING me for giving you to her when I didn't, in reality she stole you from me. That is totally without class for her to do this. I would appreciate you telling her NEVER to contact me again. We left it on a decent note. It is not even appropriate for her to contact me, there is not any reason for her to contact me this is between you & me not her.
Then I hung up! I'm was so mad!!!! I stayed pretty calm when I left that message but I'm sure he could tell in my voice that I was mad. The nerve of that woman!!! I'm pretty sure H didn't condone this, he wouldn't.
So, there is my story & I'm just having some hard times right now. I do hope he will come out of the fog, I keep hoping he will call.
I'm sorry this is so long, I tried to shorten. I guess I'm just wanting to see what everyone thinks & if there is a chance he might come out of his fog.
Thank you!
I'm so sorry that you're in this much pain.
I am in somewhat the same sitch except my D isn't final yet. I too am hoping that H pulls his head out of his ass, but I'm thinking of myself first right now.
I know how a lot of people say how hard it is to be abandoned when they have kids, but to me, I think it's worse in a lot of ways when you are alone, with no kids. It's just......empty. And nobody seems to understand those of us who are childless and going through a D.
It isn't any easier, believe me!
I'm sorry you are going thru this too!!! Thank you for responding to me! I'm trying to think of myself too. I did go get a manicure & pedicure, it was great!! But I still can't help but think about him. Being spring, we worked in the yard together & set out tomatoes & flowers & just enjoyed being together. It's lonesome doing all that by myself now.
I think you are right, at least people with kids have someone there with them. I know it is hard on the kids too & they have to deal with the emotions of the kids. I have a step-S who is 21 now but when his Dad & I met he was 2 years old, we married when he was 5, I know it was hard on him but you are so right, it is very empty. My step-S told my H's SIL that he knows his dad is going thru MLC & he also said that his Dad doesn't even know this OW only via email & phone. So, he knows his Dad isn't doing right.
I at least have my dogs but one is almost 13 & is having some kidney failure, I just can't loose her right now. They have helped me a lot but I still dream about H & keep hoping that since H has moved in with OW that it might be the beginning of the end of the R, I sure hope so anyway. We were so much in love, I still can't believe this has happened!! And with her sending me the "thank you" for my H email that just shows what kind of person she really is, he doesn't like woman like her & especially someone that has slept with every Tom, Dick & Harry & who would run after a married man. He can't see that right now but I believe he will.
Wow! OW sounds like a real piece of work. So is my H's OW. She actually showed up at his spousal maintenance hearing. Did she think this was a hot date or something? I'm sure the judge was not impressed by these two stupid arrogant a-holes sitting there in the courtroom.
Keep pampering yourself. That's what I do. I got a great haircut and a leg wax yesterday.
I also have a doggie who's getting on in years and am thinking of getting another one. Not sure about that yet because I may want to go off and have an adventure on my own. H and I traveled a lot together and it will be hard, but I have to make that hurdle.
I know this is awful for you, I'm still pretty sad too. I am also still in some denial and think he may come back someday. I know that is unrealistic because he has really, really moved on and bought a new home with OW. We're not even divorced yet!
The only thing that could possibly make a difference is that the financial strain may get to them and cause problems. On the other hand, they view me as the enemy and are probably huddled together against this storm(me). Nothing like adversity to bond two wildly in love people together.
WOW! I can't believe your H's OW would have to nerve to show up at the hearing!! It sounds like both OW are out there!!!
I think I'm in denial b/c I do think he may come back one day. He seems to have moved on b/c he did get another job in another state, but I found out they are only renting a house. He is a good man & doesn't like women like her, he tried to talk a friend of ours out of marrying a woman who had been married 3 times, she is not nearly as bad as the one he is with now. I don't believe this R will last very long but he is mad at me b/c I got alimony & the house, so he does view me as the ememy also right now. I hope one day he will realize what he has lost.
I too believe the financial strain will get to him. I kept him out of bankruptcy when we first met & married. I'm the only reason he has IRA's etc. He is a spender & I know he thinks this OW has money & I don't believe she does, if she did she has spent it already. She stayed off work 2 years & spent her alimony or whatever she got from her other husbands. She has had to go back to work (2 jobs for a while) & she was living in an apartment, that doesn't sound like someone with money. Also she tried real estate but has had to get an office job. I know my H has spent lots of money & he is using his credit cards a lot & not paying them off at the end of each month. I always paid them off & kept us out of debt. He is going to get into major trouble financially & I know he is making about what he made at his job here but cost of living is higher there.
He had everything here, I can't believe he would go with a slut that would run after a married man. She has obviously done this before. What happened to "until death do us part".
So, if he showed up at your door begging to come back, you'd welcome him with open arms? I think you need the time to work your head around all this and become comfortable on your own. Sluts don't get to married men unless the married man wants to go. You can't put the blame on her...he went willingly. I must admit though...that was the tackiest thing I've ever heard an OW do. I'd have said, "you're welcome to him. Hope you have better luck keeping him away from sluts than I did." I probably wouldn't have written that, but it still would have been fun.
OW do all sorts of tacky things.
But yeah, what does that say about our H's? It's pretty tacky to just walk out on someone who loves you.
He had everything here, I can't believe he would go with a slut that would run after a married man. She has obviously done this before. What happened to "until death do us part".
nlt,
That is one aspect I STILL do not grasp.... What sane person thinks they can have a healthy, committed R with someone who pursues and/or dates someone who is married? What makes them think WHEN (NOT IF) they become tired of their R/M, they will not chase after someone else? Is that NOT just a matter of time?
NMD
I think I would have responded to OW with something like....
"Boy are you living in a fantasy. Just wait... Truly I'm the one that needs to thank you for taking that abusive loser off my hands."
Thank you all for responding!! I know what you mean. My H had a good head on his shoulders at one time. I guess the MLC hit him hard. You are all right & I think it is just a matter of time before OW will be going after some other sucker!
I'm pretty laid back & I don't get into doing exciting things & that is what he wanted & I guess she is more exciting than I am but you know he knew how I was when we got married. MLC!!!!
I do need time to work things out in my head. I'm not sure right now I would take him back with open arms, I guess it would depend on how he came back & things he said & did. It would be hard but I guess I would like the opportunity. I miss him so bad. Our oldest dog has been sick & I took her to a holistic vet, she is better & I so wanted to call him & let him know. But I didn't!!!
I sent him his half of the income tax refund, I put a little note in there & said "Hope you are doing well" that is all I said. He may be mad b/c I sent it Restricted Delivery, that means only he can sign for it & will have to show ID, it cost me more but you know I don't trust OW. I don't imagine he has gotten it yet.
Thank you all again for your support!!!
(((HUGS)))
nlt, I feel so bad for both of us. It hurts so much that our H's moved so fast to end our M's.
I know I should stay positive, but I just don't feel like these guys even miss us. Are we really so easy for them to forget? Sorry I am so down today.
Hey Kimmie!!!
I know what you mean!!! I've had a very hard time this whole weekend staying positive!!!! It's a holiday & I know he is on vacation with OW & does he miss me at all???? After all these years together how can he just forget???
I'm so sorry you are having a bad day also!!!! I layed out in the sun today (we always did that together), I grilled chicken (we always did that together). It's been so hard. I still have my dogs & they have been so good for me but it's really lonely sitting here doing the things we used to do all by myself. I don't have that many friends here & the ones I do have are married & I really don't want to go anywhere. So, I'm with you girl!!!!
Your H filed quickly also. Is your D final yet? Everyone keeps saying that they will feel the guilt & eventully come back. Have you read "yellowrose" she is an inspiration, her H came back & she is being very helpful & lots of good imput on what happened with her sitch.
You hang in there & I'm thinking & praying for you!!!!
(((HUGS)))
My D isn't final yet because we don't have a settlement in place yet. There was a hearing a month ago which ordered him to pay temporary support, and I'm sure that he hates me for that. H also thinks I am dragging my feet just to cling to him.
Does anyone think that I should just give in and hand him his D on a silver platter? Would that keep him from hating me? Or should I just keep stalling? I know H wants to marry OW as soon as possible and he sees me as standing in their way.
I have read some of yellowrose but I can't find the threads now. And I don't think it's quite the same. Her H wasn't running headlong into D, was he?
These posters who are in limbo have a far better chance than those of us who are being rushed into D.
Kimmie,
I didn't have a choice either. My H rushed me & expected it to be over by the end of last year. He thought I would just go along with him, he wanted to sell the house & split everything down the middle. H didn't expect me to find out about OW b/c she was in another state he never thought I would discover her.
My H had to keep paying the household expenses but he was staying here too (in guest room) from Sept.2007 until Feb.2nd 2008. Like I said he thought I would be a pushover & wouldn't cause any problems. He also accused me of dragging my feet & got very angry with me & wouldn't even talk to me. One night he even cussed me out & that is so unlike him, I got it on tape & turned it over to my lawyer. I hated to do it but I had to protect myself. H kept threatening me, that if I didn't hurry up & go along with what he wanted that he would get more that 50/50, he would also get one of the dogs (he thought that would get to me) which it did. I called my lawyer in tears, he said there would be no way he would get the dogs. H also said he would fight me to the very last penny, I would not get the house & he would not give me alimony. Well, it didn't go his way. I got both dogs, I got the house, 3 years of alimony & he had to pay both lawyers & the mediator (over 9,000.00). Money was a big issue with him b/c I think he told OW that he had money(he doesn't) but he also thinks she has money. I think she did at one time but she was on vacation for 2 years & has had to go back to work so I don't think she does. Anyway H was very mad!!!! He said I drained him. Our D was final on April 8th. I'm still crushed. He was in a hurry so he could move to another state with OW. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side. I think he will find out it is not & I think he will find out what she really is. I can't remember if I've posted this on this thread of not but after he got his things out of the house the OW emailed me this:
I just want so say thank you.....for the most beautiful, amazing, kind, caring, and loving man I've ever known in my life. I am truly blessed beyond my dreams.
(And of course, for not suing me - that was so generous of you!)
Life goes on...I wish you all of the good stuff...love and happiness and freedom from anything that does not lead you there.
I am happy it is all over and I am sure you are too.
Finally we call all B-R-E-A-T-H-E.!
Take care,
Debbie
I just copied this from the email she sent me! The nerve of that WOMAN!!! I don't believe he would have condoned this & I don't believe he knew she did this until I called & left him a voice mail on his cell phone.
I believe this OW is a profession! She has been married at least 3 times if not more & for anyone to run after a MM, she has done it before & I'm sure she will do it again. She is way out of my H league, he has said that to her before. But she is smooth! I just hope soon he will see what she really is.
You are right, I do thing those have a better chance where their H's have not pushed for a D. Yellowrose never did get a D.
I don't know what to tell you about giving in with the D. I pretty much had no choice, once we went to mediation that was pretty much it unless we had not settled. Then it would have gone to court & cost so much more & taken a lot more time which I don't think he wanted to do.
Have you ever read Charlene Cares? Do a search on the internet for her. Her H left & they divorced but she still stood for her marriage & they are back together. I guess that's what I keep hoping for me. I don't think my H will marry OW b/c I don't think she wants to marry again. He did say in a email to her early on that one day he wanted to call her his wife, but he knew how she felt about that & would not push that issue. So I hope he will see her for her true colors before that happens.
I'm like you, I'm so heart broken I can't stand it! I just keep hoping he will come back & to be married as long as we were it's hard to believe that he has just forgotten me. When he was here he did take some pictures of us together on the beach, so maybe he hasn't let go yet. I sure hope not.
Sorry this was so long, but I wanted you to know what I've been through. It has not been easy & is still the hardest thing I've ever been through. I keep praying & hoping.
You hang in there too!!!
(((HUGS)))
OOPS!
Sorry I just repeated myself from the first post on this thread. I just couldn't remember.
Sometimes you have to repeat it - just to get yourself to believe it b/c it seems so unreal. . .
You have to wonder if OW thought she was being a class act with that crazy little thank you note
or if she was being mean. Either way - you can see that a big part of what is going on here is the excitement - the rush of hooking up w/ someone new and not seeing all the warts yet. It's really too bad th the divorce laws allow people to move so fast. It shld take longer than 6 mos to dissolve a lifetime commitment and in my state that's all you need - 6 mo separation. When people get married, we think they are moving fast if they only know ea other 6 mos, why shld it take less time to D.
On the issue of not having kids - I was discussing th w/ my C the other day - that at least I wld have a deep commitment to someone else if I had kids. But, she assured me it's dif. I know th parental relationships aren't always loving - it's a human relationship th can go wrong like any other, but I had a brief fantasy th it wld be nice to have a kid around to care for. Someone to depend on me. But th really wldn't take the place of a partner, wh is what I wanted and what I thought I had.
You seem to be doing pretty well under the circumstances. I have to say th I'm not sure I wld have the energy to plant things and to grill. You are going on w/ your life, your way and that's excellent.
Hi Seek!
Thank you for responding! I don't know if I'm going on or not. I've done nothing today except cry! I planted things to make the place look really good when he came to get his things. He did make the comment that it looked good. His SIL told me that he expected the place to look bad & the grass would need mowing & all that stuff, but it didn't it looked good.
Most everytime I get out to mow, I cry. When I grilled it was so sad, it was just me & the dogs.
I was my H's 2nd M & he was my first too. He has a son, 21 now & I have the dogs. They have helped me so much but it sure doesn't take the place of a partner. I just miss him so bad & keep thinking that surely he will see what this OW really is. She had a lot of nerve to send me that email, I thought. I'm not sure what she was trying to say, I think both, a class act & just being mean. She also could be territoral & maybe she thinks he still cares & trying to keep me away. I just don't know. It was mean anyway, just like pouring salt into a wound.
OW is a nutjob. No sane person would have thought it appropriate to send that email.
I think she felt oh-so powerful at that moment, but that won't last. The excitement of the struggle is now over and she and your H will be facing the boring reality.
Hugs to you (((nlt))). You are the class act.
I did better for a while, but I'm back to crying quite a bit, too. Nothing as intense and wrenching as in the beginning, but a hard way to live, nevertheless. Honestly, if my sitch moved to D as fast as yours did, I'd be a wreck. At least you are doing the mowing and grilling, even if you don't feel cheerful - you are doing it and that is something to give yourself credit for and build on. Next step is to enjoy what you are doing.
I know what you mean abt the dogs - I have 2 and a cat. We had 2 cats, but one died after H moved out. I need my pets - my mother was suggesting the other day that I share dogs w/ H so th I wld have some free time after work to do things instead of having to drive home and let dogs out and feed them. No way! I'd rather have my time constricted than be w/o the dogs.
I don't have that many friends here & the ones I do have are married & I really don't want to go anywhere.
As great as pets are, they aren't a substitute for friends. I know what you mean abt not wanting to go out, but I think getting involved with other people is what of the main keys to finding happiness and meaning in life. Do you do any socializing? What do you do for GAL?
Kimmie,
Thank you so much for thinking that I'm the class act! I'm not so sure, but I appreciate you saying it. You are right, no sane person would even think about sending an email like that, it's like she was using him or something. I sure hope he will see soon what she really is!
Seekpeace:
Boy, I was a wreck at first but then I got very nosy & that kept me busy. I found all kinds of ways to look & find out things, I became a pretty good PI, not that I would recommend it but you know if the shoe was on the other foot, my H would have done the same if not worse. I did loose about 25 lbs, not that I minded that, now I'm back to the weight I was when we got married. He made the comment in Oct. 2007 that I had gotten my azz back, he has always said that is what attracted him to me was that I had a nice one.
I've become a real home body! I guess since my oldest dog is having the kidney failure & some other problems that has made me want to be with her & the other dog too. I have been taking her to a holistic vet (never thought I would believe) but she is doing better so I hope he is on the right track. I've got to get a job, I interviewed the same day as I went to court for the divorce, what an emotional day. I walked out of court crying then a couple of hours later I had to be all smiles for this interview. So far I haven't gotten the job yet but I've heard the company may be for sale so that would hold them back. I really thought I had it b/c they told me all about the company & the benefits. I do have some clients that I work on at home but I haven't been much in the mood to do that either. I'm starting tomorrow & getting back to working on their stuff so that will get my mind off H for a couple of hours anyway.
I don't do much socializing, I go to church but yesterday I just didn't feel like it. They have all been so supportive but I just couldn't do it yesterday. I guess I'm going to have those. A friend of mine is working on getting a ladies night out for about 4 or 5 of us, so that will be nice. My socializing was with H, my life was with him, this has been so hard.
I still do a lot of crying myself, like you it's not as bad as it was at the beginning. I just keep hoping & praying for him to contact me. I haven't heard from him since he left on April 12th, we use to have to talk several times a day when we were not together. Of course at the beginning of this year, he cussed me out & was so mean to me that we didn't talk much but it doesn't mean I don't miss that man I married, that wasn't him earlier this year.
I'm so sorry to hear about your cat! And at the worst time!!! I was so worried about my dog, I was afraid I was going to loose her too. The holistic vet told me that she had been staying strong for me b/c she knows what I've been going thru & that I couldn't loose her right now, she is the smartest dog I've ever had but I didn't think about that, I guess a lot are like that. My youngest dog still looks for my H, that is sad when you can't explain to them so they understand what is going on.
I don't blame you for not sharing the pets!!!!
I've got to get a job, I interviewed the same day as I went to court for the divorce, what an emotional day. I walked out of court crying then a couple of hours later I had to be all smiles for this interview.
Look how strong you are! I hope you give yourself lots of credit for that. . . .
I don't do much socializing, I go to church but yesterday I just didn't feel like it. They have all been so supportive but I just couldn't do it yesterday. I guess I'm going to have those. A friend of mine is working on getting a ladies night out for about 4 or 5 of us, so that will be nice. My socializing was with H, my life was with him, this has been so hard.
My suggestion on this is that the times when you least want to go out are the times when you really should just do it. You may find it lifting your mood even more than it would if you already felt good. And, it's not likely that you will experience welcome surprises staying at home, but if you get out, you just might. . . . The dogs will understand
Thank you so much for that! Yes, I've got to make myself do things for sure!!!
Only by the Grace of God did I make it thru that day of court & job interview! After court I stopped at a friend's office & she helped calm me down some.
You are right, no welcome surprises with me sitting here. I will get better at that, I hope!
I went to the support grp last nite. One of the ideas I got fr it was "planned grieving". Go abt your business and when the darkness threatens you, make a note - say to yourself, you know I can't deal w/ th right now, but tonight at 7 (or whenever) I will take th thought out and deal with it. I thought it was a good idea. There are so many times when you just need or want to keep it together, but you don't have to totally repress your feelings. Just save them for a more appropriate time. That's probably in essence what you did on that day.
Seek,
What a great ideal!!! I'm going to try that myself. I've lost it so many times out mowing the yard b/c we always did that together. I was on the riding, he was push mowing & weed eating, now I do all of it by myself. So I get pretty down during that time, I'll have to do like Scarlett & "think about that tomorrow".
I need to check into a support group. That would be good for me also.
I think that is what I did that day. I had to hold it together for that interview & inside my heart was breaking.
Thank you so much for the advice!!
I went to a C the beginning of this year about twice. I let her read the emails that I had between my H & OW, she said it sounded like teenagers, but she also was very negative & said "He won't be coming back to you". That really upset me, I thought she was supposed to be helpful. What do you all think of that??
I didn't go back to her. I don't know if he will come back either but right now I still can't imagine my life without him.
I just check & he still hasn't cashed that IRS refund check I sent him. He picked it up Tuesday & it's Friday now, so I don't know what the hold up is. I just think that is kinda strange for him especially.
Hurting today & missing him so bad!!!
I don't know abt the C - there is a balance to strike betw helping us to be real and supporting our reconciliation goals. If it didn't click w/ her, it wldn't hurt to try someone else. At the very least, a C can help you focus on how you process what is happening in your life and how you heal - that has to happen anyway before anything meaningful in terms of R. . . .
What are your goals?
Do you have some "good for you" plans for the weekend?
Hi Seek,
I worked really hard in the yard yesterday & have some more today. It does feel good to get out in the yard & work, it makes me really tired so I guess that is good.
I've started exercising again, I'm also sore & tired from that so I think getting back to doing things like that is my goal right now.
No plans for the weekend except working around the house, I'm ready to settled down with my pups & a good movie tonight.
I got the alimony check from my H yesterday & was hoping he would say something in there but he didn't. I guess it's still too early & I know he is mad about having to pay me alimony. I just hope he doesn't hold it against me.
nlt, my C told me the same thing. She said, "He is gone. He's not coming back." And you know what? I believe her. I don't want to, but I do.
The DR book claims that 70% of WAH eventually come back. But I then we are told not to believe the very thing she wrote.
So please excuse me if I say, "Huh????."
Hi Kimmie,
Wow! Another C said the same thing. You know, for some reason I didn't believe her. I want to but right now I haven't given up on him even tho our D is final.
I know what you mean, they tell us one thing & then not to believe another.
I'm like you, HUH???
Here is the words to the song "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban, I played it over & over last night. I cried & cried but it seem to really help me.
"When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary
When troubles come & my heart burdened be
Then, I am still & wait here in the silence
Until you come & sit a while with me
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up... to more than I can be"
It was just inspiring to me & helped me get through the night. Last night was rough, not sure why but it was rough.
Hi Kimmie,
Wow! Another C said the same thing. You know, for some reason I didn't believe her. I want to but right now I haven't given up on him even tho our D is final.
I know what you mean, they tell us one thing & then not to believe another.
I'm like you, HUH???
Exactly. It messes with my head to be told not to believe everything you hear and see when the actions of the WAS are loud and clear.
I agree!!!
My H would never have talk to me & acted like that in his right mind. I wonder if he is going to remember any of it. Some say that he won't. It was bad! I do have it on tape when he cussed me out. He didn't know it at the time.
I just keep remember things he said to me that night & it was so terrible!!! I hope H gets out of this MLC soon!!!
Is your D final yet? Mine was 4/8/08.
We don't have an exact date yet, but I'm thinking it will be soon Probably two more months.
I'm so sorry!!! My H rushed things with us, but he was ready to get to TX with the OW. He doesn't even know her!! He has been out there since March 5th or 6th of this year. So, maybe he is finding out what she really is. She has been married 3 times & runs after married men. He doesn't like women like her, or never has in the past. I sure hope he will come to his senses soon.
Do you think there is any chance for you & your H??? I guess I just keep hoping he will realize what we had, she is way out of his league & he has said that before.
I don't hold out for a lot of hope for my M, but yours sounds different than mine. I think yours may be a full on MLC. Your H may be momentarily fascinated by OW, but reality has a way of crashing down. The thing is, it won't happen for awhile. Wish it did.
Hi Kimmie!
Thank you for saying that about reality has a way of crashing down. I am still hoping it will be sooner than later. I guess b/c I know this MLC started pretty much in 2005 so he has been in it for 3 years already but he just met the OW in June 2007. I really think if she had not pursued him none of this would be happening right now. She is a snake!!!! I just hope one day he will see that & I hope it will be soon!!! I also think you are right & he is in full blown MCL!!!
I'm so sorry that you don't hold on to hope that your M will work. You haven't been going thru this very long either, so you never know!
Everyone says that even tho we are D'd that it's only a piece of paper & he could still come back! I am concerned b/c of him being in another state!
If the D happens with you, look out for you!!! Get a good lawyer. I did, my H wasn't happy about how things turned out, he said I drained him but you have to take care of yourself b/c they are not looking after our best interest now. They are only looking out for themselves. My H told me he wouldn't respect me if I didn't give him a decent D, well in his mind I didn't. So it does make me afraid he won't come back.
Hi, NLT. I'm poking my head back up above ground and just wanted to check in and see how you are doing. Any new developments in your life? How is the job search coming - I think I'd be a wreck if I didn't have work. It's ironic, b/c I think my job stress was one of the factors in our M falling apart and now my job is one of the more functional parts of my life. How do you think getting a job would impact you and how do you think H wld react if he knew you were working? Not that you shld do anything w/ intent to get a response fr H, but 180s and GAL are big components of DB. They are good for you and may also be good for R - if not this one, then maybe a future one. I'm not meaning to pressure/lecture, just encourage and cheerlead.
Hi Seek,
I'm doing a little better today & trying to get a PMA going around here.
I need to get a job. I haven't been searching as much lately but I'm going to get started soon. That was one of the things my H complained about that I didn't go back to work full time after I got laid off. I worked part time from home & loved it. I was able to spend more time with him but he didn't like it b/c I got to stay home & he didn't. He liked the money coming in!
When he was here in April to get his things, he asked me sarcasticly if I had a job, I told him that I had gone for a great interview that week. He asked me was it in the music business, I told him yes. So he doesn't know whether I have a job or not. I think it would make a difference to him. But with me staying here & not moving back to the state I'm from he knows that I have to work.
You are not pressuring me or lecturing me, I do need the cheerleading!!!
Once I get a job I think it will help me. Right now things are slow in this industry, but I hope I can stay in it. We'll see!
Thanks for checking in on me!
Wow, this seems like the forgotten forum.
Anyway....Hi nlt! You still around? Have you heard from your ex?
I hope you are doing fine and I still don't have my D yet. Things are not good and I've taken some hard hits financially. But, whatever.....
One thing though, I have stopped caring whether or not my H hates me for "dragging this out." What difference could it possibly make anyway? He's still gone and I don't expect him back anymore.
Hi Kimmie! I actually wasn't getting many post on this forum so I went to midlife but I do still come here & check. I also went to midlife b/c I feel that my ex is in full blown MLC!!!
I actually didn't hear from my ex but I heard about him, he got married to the OW on July 20th! Our D was final April 8th. It just about killed me!!!!
I was very depressed for a while but I just prayed & felt this peace about things. I still haven't given completely up on him b/c I feel he was brain washed, he just doesn't do things like this. I may be totally wrong but I just can't let go right now. I know I probably should but in my heart I don't feel like I can right now. I still can't imagine my life without him.
I'm down this weekend, in 1994 my bother died on Sept. 3rd & last year ex told me he wanted a D on Sept. 6th. So, a year ago tonight, I thought everything was fine. Now a year later & all this just has my head spinning.
Thanks for checking in on me!!!!
((((HUGS))))