Best way to interact with stbxw???

Posted By: boilerroom

Best way to interact with stbxw??? - 04/08/07 04:48 PM

My wife filed for D early this year. I do not want the D. She insists. My question is: Throughout this I have tried to remain a friend to the W. I hoped that by doing this I could stop the D. No. I am polite and rarely lose my temper, even at times when I am extremely tested by her attitude / actions. Possibly she sees this as me pursuing her?

Anyway, this week I began to change direction. I speak to her as little as possible, and when approached by her keep my responses as brief and to the point as possible. This seems to be really frustrating to her. Now SHE seems to be the one that is trying to "be the friend". She is often trying to get me involved in non D related conversations. I'm really not into playing games, however I must admit I am enjoying her "pursuing" me.

I wonder if she is realizing what she is giving up? I'll never be voted USA father or husband of the year, but I do think I'm a decent guy.

BTW, I'm no Dr. Phil, but W shows many signs of MLC.

Have any of you in a similar boat experienced something like this? What works or does not for you. Thanks!
Posted By: Elmrjfud

Re: Best way to interact with stbxw??? - 04/08/07 04:56 PM

boiler, i am new here and not doing a good job at DBing myself at all... sounds like the 180 is working a bit for you and i'm happy for that, just be careful and don't overdo it. I was having success with that tactic for a few days and then it backfired on me, i think i took it too far and i was coming off as angry all the time... that i didn't really want her around... just my 2cents, be careful.
Posted By: Lost_for_now

Re: Best way to interact with stbxw??? - 04/10/07 02:10 PM


I tend to agree with elmrjfud on this one, it's a tricky wire to walk. I think I fell into much the same trap as fud did. I was really keeping away from my W, left her completely alone even if she called me I sometimes wouldn't call her back. She told me recently that it made her angry that I didn't return her call. Now, she too has pulled far away and is going full steam ahead with the D.

The point is, be careful. You don't want to ignore her, you just want to detach. Again, it's a tricky situation.
Posted By: ddc

Re: Best way to interact with stbxw??? - 04/14/07 09:04 PM

Well I can tell you what worked with my exW who is in MLC. She spewed venom for over 2 years, I basically only interacted with her when it came to things with my D10. She would not even acknowledge my existence. Well the D was final in 12/05 and she still was very angry person, when she would call me about something I did or didn't do I validated her but certainly did not let her treat me like a doormat.
She started to soften around 8/06 and we are now sort of dating.

She has told me she would never have thought about dating me in a million years but because I was always there for her as a friend and treated her with respect she noticed the changes I made in myself.

Treat her like a business partner, respect her, listen to her and above all be the best father you can. That scored huge points wiht her.

Good luck
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