Quantity vs. Quality - 07/08/03 04:36 AM
Things have improved a lot over the past five weeks or so, at least with regard to the frequency of sex in my marriage. My wife read SSM and found some of it helpful. Now we are averaging about twice a week, which is a huge improvement!
She told me that one thing that was hurting our sex life was that I would question her about what she enjoyed, how much she enjoyed it, and what would make sex better, after we had sex. It made her feel performance anxiety, and that she wasn't meeting my expectations.
She has made it clear that we are not to discuss our lovemaking, especially with regard to how good/bad the experience was. Of course, during sex she will say "no" to certain actions, such as a change in position or touching her breast. I asked her to try and say "please" to certain actions that she wants (whatever they may be), but she is not comfortable with that.
So, while I am happy with the frequency of sex lately, I am not sure how to make things more interesting and pleasurable for both of us.
Right now it is very easy for me to follow the recipe that I know works. As long as sex is very, very predictable and repetitive, she is happy. And I am okay with that for the time being, but she is right about one thing. My expectations for the quality of sex are higher than this.
So does anyone have suggestions for how to gently and safely add a little more spice to our sex life? Or should I just be happy to bake the same dessert every time?
Advice from low-desire women is especially appreciated... thanks!
She told me that one thing that was hurting our sex life was that I would question her about what she enjoyed, how much she enjoyed it, and what would make sex better, after we had sex. It made her feel performance anxiety, and that she wasn't meeting my expectations.
She has made it clear that we are not to discuss our lovemaking, especially with regard to how good/bad the experience was. Of course, during sex she will say "no" to certain actions, such as a change in position or touching her breast. I asked her to try and say "please" to certain actions that she wants (whatever they may be), but she is not comfortable with that.
So, while I am happy with the frequency of sex lately, I am not sure how to make things more interesting and pleasurable for both of us.
Right now it is very easy for me to follow the recipe that I know works. As long as sex is very, very predictable and repetitive, she is happy. And I am okay with that for the time being, but she is right about one thing. My expectations for the quality of sex are higher than this.
So does anyone have suggestions for how to gently and safely add a little more spice to our sex life? Or should I just be happy to bake the same dessert every time?
Advice from low-desire women is especially appreciated... thanks!