Have read your books and began my mission of DBing a little over 2 months ago. My H and I are not separated but were very close to it about 4 months ago. No A's that I am aware of. I have seen improvements in the way he has been controling his temper and our fighting has gotten to be alot less. I have changed in a way where I refuse to let him push my buttons and I'm not fighting back with him anymore.
Even though things have calmed down considerably, I still feel like I am on the verge of becoming a WAW.
My question is - how do I get him to understand that I have wants and needs too? H has a really hard time doing anything for me - especially if it's something specific that he knows I want. If I ask - he refuses and takes offense that I even would ask for something I want. and if I don't ask - it's not going to happen either. So to avoid more conflict and rejection, I've stopped asking him for anything. He seems to be happy with this because he doesn't have to do anything and he knows I'm not going to say anything about it. However he still asks for and expects me to do for him. This feels very one-sided and unfair and I'm not at all happy with this arrangement.
We have been together for 17 years, married for 8 and there are many areas of conflict in our marriage. I have only started one thread on this BB - and that one is about our most recent money conflict. I haven't updated it in a few days - but he has finally agreed to putting things back the way they were. But as of today - he has still taken no action. And I am not really expecting him to follow through on his promise either. I have already decided that I won't bring it up again. In fact - now we're buying him a new motorcycle. So he's really in a good mood.
This is the same story as always, another one of his needs met - mine - sitting on the back burner as usual.
Here's that thread.
http://66.111.66.234/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic&f=24&t=004876
Sorry - I don't know how to add links - but just copy and paste.
I have almost given up of ever having a happy and fulfilling marriage with this man.
Since words don't seem to work - what ACTION oriented suggestions would you have for me try in communicationg this to him?
Thanks in advance for your help.