Once again I must have typed up a new thread and deleted it. Mostly because again, it’s just a journal. A place to put my thoughts.
I chose to keep my dating life private, but there isn’t even one to keep private. Still have not joined any apps and I have no plans to. I’ve been off of them for months ( with the exception of FB dating which is just there). The thought of going through more first dates with star gets, second and third dates is not appealing to me at all. It’s got me so disconnected. My heart isn’t in it. The only way I can see myself getting into it is a guy I meet in the whole and just get to know. But that isn’t happening either, so here I am.
I was reading BL’s GAL this week. And it confirmed what i have been feeling lately. I read BL’s every day GAL events and I get exhausted. I don’t have the energy. I have a decent amount of things I could be doing , but none I really want to. I have at least one social event on the calendar per week, I could have more, but i don’t want it. I think I’m getting old. I just don’t have the energy in my bones. At night, I do get a little bored in the same breath. Well, not bored but antsy. My D and I watch hockey together and play cards after all the chores and stuff are done. But then I’m like “I guess I’ll just go to bed now. I feel lonely even though my D is there ( lonely for adult company o guess) even though my D is cool as heck ( don’t tell her I said that). I’m just in a weird spot.
I got invited to that music fest with 2 friends. I’m excited about that, but it’s a lot of money. My friend actually offered to pay because she wants me to go so bad, but I said I wouldn’t let her do that. So I’m just going to pick up an extra shift or something.
I brought my D to my gym on Saturday. I basically dragged her as my valentines date ( it was being your partner day). She ended up loving it and she and I were both surprised she survived it. She wants to join ( big bucks!) I got her dad to split it because we don’t pay for any other sports and it is as much as swim when she did it. It’ll be fun to do together.
And on my last note. OMG, my job. It’s exhausting and stressful. And the hardest part is my counterpart. I can manage every type of personality. But I can’t figure out to manage her. She just stakes over every conversation, she perseverances, she tells stories over and over in detail to EVERYONE, she makes everything about her and needs to be HEARD. We had to meet with an employee together and she just dominates the conversation. Every time I open my mouth she opens quicker and louder and longer ( that’s what she said). One thing I DO NOT Adonis compete to be heard. She does because I think she grew up that way. Me, I was never heard and no one really cared to listen, so I guess my way of dealing with that was to just not bother. But I don’t have the energy to compete. She doesn’t mean harm, but my good, she drains my energy daily. I also spent time at an event with my BFF coworker and my god, we miss eachother lol. She talks about it all the time to her husband. Our personalities just mesh perfectly.
Do I want to be a manager forever ? I’ll be rethinking that when I move. Whenever and wherever that is. I still feel like that is hanging in the air.
I’m in a slump, that’s for sure. I think it’s weather related so I hope the spring and more time outdoors will help with my energy levels.
Previous thread:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2942315
I wish I could edit, but hopefully everyone figures out the words that autocorrected.
Ginger1,
Still have not joined any apps and I have no plans to. I’ve been off of them for months ( with the exception of FB dating which is just there).
Just curious...how long has it been since you used them?
I was reading BL’s GAL this week. And it confirmed what i have been feeling lately. I read BL’s every day GAL events and I get exhausted. I don’t have the energy.
Forgot to mention I got to open skate twice over the weekend too! Like going to the gym when you don't feel like it but glad you did afterwards, sometimes getting out and just doing the thing gives you more energy for it.
I have a decent amount of things I could be doing , but none I really want to.
Anything come to mind that you really want to do?
I just don’t have the energy in my bones.
I was thinking exactly the same thing tonight! Got S8 and D4 to bed and thought "wow I'm beat and my legs are feeling it from going up and down the stairs carrying them and getting things. My parents who help me out and are obviously older than me must really feel it"
I feel lonely even though my D is there ( lonely for adult company o guess)
I hear you. Totally get the love my kid(s) but lonely for adult interaction too.
I got invited to that music fest with 2 friends. I’m excited about that, but it’s a lot of money.
Nice! Do it!
She wants to join ( big bucks!) I got her dad to split it because we don’t pay for any other sports and it is as much as swim when she did it. It’ll be fun to do together.
Glad to hear he's ponying up. God knows he should. And great you two have something to do together.
Do I want to be a manager forever ? I’ll be rethinking that when I move. Whenever and wherever that is. I still feel like that is hanging in the air.
Where do you think you would move?
I’m in a slump, that’s for sure. I think it’s weather related so I hope the spring and more time outdoors will help with my energy levels.
It's been unseasonably warm though! Feels more like April than February.
Oh, and Ginger...my son switched out of his green and white PJs after Sunday and put on his orange and blacks ones tonight if you know what I mean ;-)
So, if you want to meet someone organically and not through the apps - it's tough, and not something that has occurred much in my post-divorce life, but I do have a few observations:
The first time I was DBing my marriage when my husband had his affair, I was focusing on keeping a positive mental attitude (and, frankly, kind of thinking "F-him, I'm a RAY OF SUNSHINE). I never ever flirted with other men during my marriage, but during that time of crisis in my marriage, I did start to notice other men, rather than them just being invisible to me. And something about that combination of my sassy mindset and me actually SEEING them, led to an unusual surge in men flirting with me. I was in my mid-forties then, but college students would see me walking by and invite me to their parties. Men would talk to me in the grocery store. Strange men would compliment me in public. And the weird thing about it is, this seldom happened to me in my 20's when I was thinner and arguably prettier.
Something about being comfortable in my own skin, and actually opening my eyes to see the men around me, led to this unusual change.
Now to be fair, I've mostly reverted to my usual "oblivious to my environment" default setting when I'm out shopping etc, so this seldom happened in my post-divorce days. But perhaps if you start looking around more when you are shopping, at the gym, etc., and saying hi to people or starting conversations - while OWNING and being comfortable in your own skin - well, that seems to be an attractive quality.
honey you sound depressed.
hugs
BL-
I can’t quote well on my phone, but here it goes.
Since September I have been on an app. Went off after the date with that weirdo who kept showing me his abs IN the restaurant while talking about himself incessantly. I know you gotta get through the bad dates….. but I have had my fair share….. and I don’t want to do it anymore . I also understand the consequence of me not doing that is being lonely for adult company.
Given my lack of energy to be going out all the time which is where my companionship can be obtained, it just is what it is. I would like my companionship at home, lol. Im almost 43, and while I still have fun left in me, after like 10
Hour day at work I want to be home without my bra, in my sweats. I am going out tomorrow night, but I want to be at the gym Saturday 9:30am so I know I can’t be out late drinking all night.
I’m getting older and more boring. What can I say? At this age I saw myself having fun nights in with other couple friends.
Where do I think I would move ? Possibly Delaware. Near the beach, not too far from “home” no state tax, much cheaper to live. The good part about my career is that I will make the same money there. And honestly, my tenure in management will definitely be up by then, lol. I can’t wait to have one job without a butt ton of stress.
I am also sorry for your teams loss. However, the final score won me $175. That was the highlight of week. And you had to use your son as the Orange Jammie’s example and I can’t say anything I want to say. Poor innocent kid. Someone needs to teach him about hockey 😂
Bttfly- yup, I am kind of depressed. I’m hoping to bounce back with some good weather. I just carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I don’t share it. And it weighs me down
Ginger1,
Went off after the date with that weirdo who kept showing me his abs IN the restaurant while talking about himself incessantly.
😂
Given my lack of energy to be going out all the time which is where my companionship can be obtained, it just is what it is.
I still say maybe forcing yourself to go out might give you some energy, but what do I know.
Where do I think I would move ? Possibly Delaware. Near the beach, not too far from “home” no state tax, much cheaper to live.
Now you're talking!
The good part about my career is that I will make the same money there. And honestly, my tenure in management will definitely be up by then, lol. I can’t wait to have one job without a butt ton of stress.
Every thought of going per deim or travel nursing week on/off for higher pay rate? Granted, I know you're 70/30, not 50/50, so schedule would be challenging.
I am also sorry for your teams loss. However, the final score won me $175. That was the highlight of week.
Sounds like you got your Sea Here Now ticket!
And you had to use your son as the Orange Jammie’s example and I can’t say anything I want to say. Poor innocent kid. Someone needs to teach him about hockey 😂
It's more a lesson in loyalty this season :-(
Ginger,
I agree with bttrfly. You sound depressed, but I also think that you are exhausted and stressed with work and your counterpart. You have so much on your plate that stress almost appears like a "normal" thing for you. Stress can kill you and yes, it also affects your health...as you well know.
Can you get out of that office periodically and take a walk or get a coffee or just a moment to breathe? You need to find a way to "de-stress".
I would like to see you take just one week and leave the cleaning alone. Take the time when you come home from the job to just enjoy a bit of "me" time. It could be doing something with your daughter, going to a movie and/or show, walking, gym, or just simply relaxing at at home with absolutely no plans. Plan some nice, long bubble baths while sipping on some wine. You have to take care of yourself because no one else is going to do it for you. It's too late when you end up in the hospital with a heart issue or worse yet, in a casket. Please, please take care of yourself.
Since September I have been on an app. Went off after the date with that weirdo who kept showing me his abs IN the restaurant while talking about himself incessantly. I know you gotta get through the bad dates….. but I have had my fair share….. and I don’t want to do it anymore . I also understand the consequence of me not doing that is being lonely for adult company.
I know I've been saying this for years now - but that's largely because IT'S TRUE!!! From everything I have heard, experienced personally, and still continue to hear, it's largely a land of misfits OLD. It's not you or whom you're attracting or picking. I still hear from women or friends of these woman who try OLD and experience the same crazy nonsense that you have. And I swear it's only gotten worse. Quality attracts quality and broken attracts broken. There is no secret how some of the best-ran organizations attract some of the best employees. The broken employers get more useless people who don't show up, don't put down their phones or can't pass the drug test. I swear it's the same with OLD - the word is out on both sides - the word is out it's not a place you go to find a quality LTR but is the place you go for a quick hookup - especially if you're in your 20s or 30s.
Might you be able to find someone of substance OLD? It's possible - perhaps, but you've been trying for what 5 years now? And other than a few what have you found? Even those few seemed pretty sketchy to us here - just better than the total goofs. Look at how many Butterfly has had to go through to find the one guy with promise - but who has never been married and is too busy to date for at least another month. Time will tell.
So while staying off the apps may reduce the number of dates you go on, it will also reduce the frustration with goofs like abs guy. It's why I finally turned it all off and never looked back. Well, I've looked, just to verify some of the very same people are still there along with dozens of clones, but I can't bring myself to do it again. It's only gotten worse. I'd rather end up in the same place but save the frustration.
I think you're making the correct decision staying off the apps. However, you need to replace it with other activities, like hocky games, outings with friends, work outs, work events. Eventually you will meet someone who at least won't show you his abs at dinner.
bL- I do force myself to go out once a week. Usually when I get there I have a good time, it’s just getting myself there. Social work month is next month , and sine half our departments is social workers, our partners invite us all for fancy meals and happy hours a no expense to us. I get invited to the events from both hospitals and priority ze my other hospital, because I love my coworkers there . I have at minimum one event per week for the month of march. I am also going to Tampa in march , I can’t wait !
I can’t per diem as a main job because I need benefits, so that’s out . Travel nursing….. I don’t want to go back to the bedside, it’s been too long. I’ll probably become a remote case manager for an insurance company when I move, per diem in hospital to get me out of the house .
Sea hear now is on ! The lodging is what’s financially killing me! I think I’m buying a hit down there and putting it on AirBNB. I can quit my day job then.
Job- I appreciate your concern and you are right. It’s more stress than depression. My work situation [censored] me dry amongst my usual stressors. She takes ALOT to be able to handle all day. and it’s all the other stuff that has always been there for so long. At least at work I never felt so drained. I liked my other job and I knew it was a risk coming here, but I had to make a change for financial reasons and to pad my resume.
I still make time for the gym , twice a week, but it’s something . I NEED it . I can’t just say “screw it” around the house , because it just leaves me more work because I’m the one who will have to eventually tackle it. In the nice weather I like to make time for hiking and biking, but I don’t often because they are all day hobbies and I get stressed thinking about not getting stuff done. But I am making a promise to myself to make more time do these things because they do make me feel good.
I don’t want to end up in casket or really sick, that’s for sure. I workout, I eat healthy, I’ve lost a decent amount of weight. But I have to watch my mental health. I just wish I could have some help. Someone to share the burden with.
Someone who doesn’t let me handle stuff alone. Because it gets super heavy.
But I will try my hardest to take better care of mental health, so it doesn’t start to affect my physical health
G,
I think your work is your refuge and a benefit has been positive adult interaction with your co-workers. Now your work has been infiltrated by Chatty Cathey. God save us all from the Chatty Catheys of this world!
I really like Job's suggestion of getting out for periodic breaks during the work day.
If it becomes too untenable, seek a transfer or new position.
Maybe I'll have more ideas when I've been awake a little longer.
xoxo
Can you have a confidential discussion with HR? Maybe get moved to a different space? or go hybrid and no overlap or maybe one day overlap?
you cannot be the only one to feel this way, G.
Hello - functioning edit button would be helpful.
G,
I think your work is your refuge and a benefit has been positive adult interaction with your co-workers. Now your work has been infiltrated by Chatty Cathey. God save us all from the Chatty Catheys of this world!
I really like Job's suggestion of getting out for periodic breaks during the work day.
If it becomes too untenable, seek a transfer or new position.
xoxo
You nailed it, B. Work has always been my refugee for adult interaction, and now it makes me want to avoid it. It’s definitely taken a toll on me.
I’ve been considering all options. I’m not going to give up on this position quite yet. Doesn’t look good to do, especially barely 6 months in. I also can’t take a reduction in pay. So that’s out . It’s very complicated here.
There are 3 of us in our office inside an office. The pervious 2 managers didn’t like eachother and everyone felt the tension. I don’t want that to happen again. I think the other one we share an office with is really nice, however, she hates her job and her counterpart and she’s losing her shot always complaining as well.
I can’t go to HR. She isn’t doing anything in violation of anything and I wouldn’t do that, because she isn’t a bad person. And in my hospital system you have to do something REALLY BAD for HR to pay attention. But I wouldn’t anyways.
I maybe go to my boss, who is actually friends with her, but i think sees what I’m dealing with and how I react, which is just shut up, because the 3 of us are often engaged in convo. I just want to know HOW to handle her.
But I can’t just complain, I have to figure out ways to make this tolerable for me.
So yes, I am going to take frequent walks. With better weather, I will be doing them outside, because I’m in an office in an office and none of them have windows. Windows are hard to come by in a hospital and it is affecting my mood. I put my air pods in, but she just keeps talking. It’s the best I can do for now.
I have been dealing with regular stresses forever on my own. It’s a norm for me. But I always did have the refuge of work. Now I need a refuge from work and this is what has me depressed.
Sigh.
can you get a Happy Light (Verilux)??? no you have to stay at least one year
I'm sorry I couldn't remember how long you'd been there.
Well, I had a very stressful 10
Hour day yesterday at work. I was supposed to go out with my former coworkers and I came home, laid in my bed and tried to come up with every excuse not to. And then BL snuck into my head and said “get up and get out there!” I walked into the bar and the first words were “ OMG, you are so tiny!!!!” They haven’t seen me in a bit. Kind of weird having people call me “tiny” or skinny” because I have never been either of those 2 things. And I’m still 9 lbs from goal, but I’m much more fit at this weight than I ever was. Anyways, we had such a great time. We all made plans to go to these fun places soon. Dancing, drinking, tacos, concerts…… i look forward to it. They also said they miss me a lot on the on the floor. The new case manager is nice enough, but she isn’t me, and it’s not nearly as fun anymore. They appreciated my laid back, let’s get this problem solved attitude and the jokes I would make during rounds. I miss them like crazy too, it is true, your coworkers can make or break your job.
Then another former coworker asked if I wanted to grab drinks today. I love that she’s more of an early bird like me, and we are happy to grab drinks and apps at 5pm on a Saturday,
Lol. I’ve got work tomorrow .
Being out last night definitely lifted my spirits. I have to remember that for the next time Im looking for every excuse to cancel…..
Well, I had a very stressful 10 Hour day yesterday at work. I was supposed to go out with my former coworkers and I came home, laid in my bed and tried to come up with every excuse not to. And then BL snuck into my head and said “get up and get out there!”
Uh oh...I'm in your head now! Glad I could assist.
Being out last night definitely lifted my spirits. I have to remember that for the next time Im looking for every excuse to cancel…..
Nice! Glad you decided to go out and ended up having a good time.
So how long is it going to take me to scan G's social media and figure out which one is LH?
So how long is it going to take me to scan G's social media and figure out which one is LH?
1) you found me ?
2) I hate to break it to you, but we aren’t friends on social
Media
Wow, the “where is LH “ thread has disappeared as well.
I guess a new regime has taken over where people are silenced, it isn’t explained and threads just disappear.
The universe has spoken to me. This is no longer my safe place.
Ginger,
The thread you mentioned as disappearing is still on the forum. It has not been deleted and/or moved to a safe location. Threads that are no longer appearing on the forums are placed in a very safe place. We do not delete threads unless the poster specifically states that they are to be deleted.
This is no longer my safe place.
BL, the time for playing hard to get is over. Make your move or lose at forever.
Wow, the “where is LH “ thread has disappeared as well.
I guess a new regime has taken over where people are silenced, it isn’t explained and threads just disappear.
The universe has spoken to me. This is no longer my safe place.
Its safe, far safer than any other site dealing with similar subjects.
But, it needs more people to get onboard here..
No.
It's not safe.
When people disappear without explanation from the folks making that happen, it makes the rest of us wonder when the axe will fall next, or if we'll be the next to be expunged, or even what it is we may or may not say to turn the delete button onto us. How is that creating a feeling of safety?
That's a great way to create a feeling of walking on eggshells waiting for the other shoe to fall.
We all came here to save our marriages.
A very scant few of us were successful at that.
Hopefully, the majority of us were at least successful in saving ourselves, and made some strong relationships with other posters in the process.
There are some great vets here who no longer post.
WHY?
There are some people who have been here 5-10 years, who are posting less and less often.
WHY?
A 'never explain' attitude is exceptionally short-sighted, if one is concerned about the over-all well-being of these boards and the people posting, especially the newbies.
Leads one to believe that TPTB really don't care.
Again, that doesn't lead to a feeling of safety.
So, sorry 40, I heartily disagree with you.
People post because they want to. I have been on forums for very long time. Sometimes, you say your same thing over so many times, you just cant keep repeating yourself.
So, you become a sticky of expertise to allow others to read, or you just fade away.. Like Sandi. Poof, gone... But she is in her 70s..
If you feel you are walking on egg shells, you will be notified to let you know.
I have asked to be "banned" on one car forum. It was caustic, and I just couldn't keep helping people that were knew and being treated poorly.. So I left. I haven't seen anyone treated poorly here, "I" haven't..
And I am curious as to why you feel the right to know why the mods banned someone? Privacy issues may be at play.
Hey Job, I swear it wasn’t there until later that day for me.
Either way, it’s just not what it used to be.
BL, if you are reading. I hope you had fun on your ski trip. And we totally spanked your team. It was a great night .
Ginger,
That's okay. After reading your posting, I went back down the listing and saw it and just wanted to let you know that it was still out there for comments.
Hi Ginger how are you? I didn’t make it out to Friday night hockey tonight but hopefully next week.