For about 2 weeks now I have written a whole post and deleted it multiple times. As I start this, there is a strong possibility I’ll delete it again. This place has always served as a good journal for me. A good place to talk about some stuff I like to share at the end of the day or what’s going through my mind. I will never discount that from the olden days here. Yes, most have left because they found new love or “moved on” . Yes, I have thoroughly moved on in so many ways. I haven’t found new love, but I’m not tied to my divorce anymore. I still come here maybe because I’m my very certain world I have always known this has been a constant. And of course I didn’t want to come back and know that the first thing I would hear is the “she never follows through and always says she’s leaving” I also know if I am going to put my stuff on here I have to take what comes with that. But for now. I’m just going to journal.
I started my new position. The first week or so had me freaked out. Lots of politics, some “bullying” and crazy stuff. By week 3 I was totally on my own. My boss above me went on vacation and the one who was training me moved to FL. I became in charge just like for a week. I nailed it, if I might say so myself. I also gained the trust and respect of my staff. It’s a hard job for sure and it’s a 24/7 job. I deal with people above me and below me and a lot of personalities. But it is a strength of mine. I’ve went to a few work related events outside of work that really helped me get to know my staff. I’ve been getting nothing but positive feed back. Today we were really short handed. When I sent out todays assignment I sent a separate email validating and ensuring I here to help them and I appreciate their hard work and flexibility. I got a separate email from from one of my staff saying “ I just had to let you know that was one of the nicest emails since I’ve worked here that I ever received regarding call outs, thanks!” It my day. I know when I was in their position what I valued was that I was supported for my efforts and recognized. Again, not an easy job but exactly what I needed. And my role here is this big hospital ( #1 hospital in my state) wouldn’t have been the same at my other hospital. We also got a 4% raise across the board which I got on top of my 6% and that was nice! My paycheck now is actually more than what I made with My per diem job and my old job. And now I still work a day or 3 a month at my other job. So money will be looking a little better.
My challenges still lie in balancing all my home and work responsibilities. I’m managing. It gets stressful at times because It’s an adjustment period. And house stuff has been happening I’ve hard to fix and all that jazz. My GAL is mostly work events and we went on one huge one which was on a yacht in the Hudson. We literally were right up at the Statue of Liberty at night all lit up. It was incredible . I still go to the gym.‘I also started a new mendication which is finally helping with my insulin resistance and my weight is starting to fall off. I broke my plateau . I don’t get to do my other GAL activities I love especially at this time of the year, because they are all day activities and I just need to be at home and catch up on chores. That stinks. Hockey season has also begun. We went to opening game.
And at opening game Saturday someone else was there and texted me because he knew I would be there. We met up at second intermission. And well, the feelings never died on either side. However, he is still needing to be single. And yes, we did hang out and yes we chat. Is it a messed up situation? Yes. We both have those feelings for eachother but the timing is still awful. The good news is I have been just too busy to even date for real at all ( also off all apps for a while because they were making me sick) and I just resolved to just live life. I have been too busy and focused on work anyways. And I just didn’t care anymore. So while we are talking, I already kind of resolved to not pursue anything for a while. So we will see. Might just be a FWB situation. Who knows .
Another blast from my last came back as well. This is the second time he Circled back. I am bit interested. He really tried to convince me to be, but I am not. I guess it’s that time of the year, who knows.
But I am truly content with life presently. Is it still a struggle ? Yup. But I’m happy. Things are going well. And I am proud of me, because I built all of this myself. No one else, just me. My kid is doing great and I take a good amount of credit for that. She’s the best teenage girl I could have asked for even though we butt beads like sisters sometimes. I’m healthy. I am gainfully employed. I have solid friendships. I am truly content .
Will I hit the send button this time? Let’s seeeeee
Girl, you’re kicking butt in that new job!
As for the recycled boyfriends circling around - nah. Hold out for the guy who is excited to see you and puts in the effort.
And of course I didn’t want to come back and know that the first thing I would hear is the “she never follows through and always says she’s leaving” I also know if I am going to put my stuff on here I have to take what comes with that.
Nah. We knew you would be back once you realized you didn't force a couple posters off the board.
I started my new position. The first week or so had me freaked out. Lots of politics, some “bullying” and crazy stuff. By week 3 I was totally on my own. My boss above me went on vacation and the one who was training me moved to FL. I became in charge just like for a week. I nailed it, if I might say so myself. I also gained the trust and respect of my staff. It’s a hard job for sure and it’s a 24/7 job. I deal with people above me and below me and a lot of personalities. But it is a strength of mine. I’ve went to a few work related events outside of work that really helped me get to know my staff. I’ve been getting nothing but positive feed back. Today we were really short handed. When I sent out todays assignment I sent a separate email validating and ensuring I here to help them and I appreciate their hard work and flexibility. I got a separate email from from one of my staff saying “ I just had to let you know that was one of the nicest emails since I’ve worked here that I ever received regarding call outs, thanks!” It my day. I know when I was in their position what I valued was that I was supported for my efforts and recognized. Again, not an easy job but exactly what I needed. And my role here is this big hospital ( #1 hospital in my state) wouldn’t have been the same at my other hospital. We also got a 4% raise across the board which I got on top of my 6% and that was nice! My paycheck now is actually more than what I made with My per diem job and my old job. And now I still work a day or 3 a month at my other job. So money will be looking a little better.
This is really good stuff and you should be proud.
I still go to the gym. I also started a new medication which is finally helping with my insulin resistance and my weight is starting to fall off. I broke my plateau .
This is really great stuff and you should keep going full steam ahead BUT..........
And at opening game Saturday someone else was there and texted me because he knew I would be there. We met up at second intermission. And well, the feelings never died on either side.
and then there is this. What feelings? The feelings that keep you apart?
However, he is still needing to be single.
Hmmm this sounds familiar. Did you by chance agree to be FTK Friends that kiss?
And yes, we did hang out and yes we chat. Is it a messed up situation? Yes.
I wish Albert Einstein was alive today to say it.
We both have those feelings for each other but the timing is still awful.
WTF does this mean?
The good news is I have been just too busy to even date for real at all ( also off all apps for a while because they were making me sick) and I just resolved to just live life.
If you had truly resolved to live life you wouldn't be stuck AGAIN in one of these F'd up make believe agreements.
I have been too busy and focused on work anyways.
That should be 100% of your focus.
And I just didn’t care anymore.
We know you don't care anymore. Then you'll get the I need to be single call and you will be in pain again.
So while we are talking, I already kind of resolved to not pursue anything for a while. So we will see. Might just be a FWB situation. Who knows .
Very sad too read. You are better than this but until you actually believe it everyday will be Ground Hog's Day.
Another blast from my last came back as well. This is the second time he Circled back. I am bit interested. He really tried to convince me to be, but I am not. I guess it’s that time of the year, who knows.
You are interested in a guy who has dumped you twice already? WTF????
But I am truly content with life presently.
Are you?
Is it still a struggle ? Yup. But I’m happy.
Are you?
Things are going well. And I am proud of me, because I built all of this myself. No one else, just me.
You should be proud of that and start to believe it.
My kid is doing great and I take a good amount of credit for that. She’s the best teenage girl I could have asked for even though we butt beads like sisters sometimes.
That's great.
I’m healthy. I am gainfully employed. I have solid friendships. I am truly content .
Are you?
Will I hit the send button this time? Let’s seeeeee
You know the answers that were coming. Unless something changes and you start to mean what you say nothing is going to change. It's really sad to read the same thing over and over. But hey you are happy.
LH, I knew you wouldn’t be able to help yourself either. I think you read me wrong. We aren’t dating, we aren’t together. He still does need to be single and he absolutely should be. And I need to be single as well quite honestly, because I am in a place in my life where I have nothing to give to a relationship or dating. I have too much going on.
I really mean it, LH. I am happy and content. I do believe it. Don’t know why you doubt it? It also doesn’t matter why you doubt it. I can’t even say I’m happy without that being challenged. I knew I was going to regret that send button.
And I also realize, sadly, my mood was lifted when I left here and now here I am and it was a mistake to hit the send button because I even have to have a good place in my life challenged .
I know you are happy with your life and your woman, why can’t you let me be happy with my life?
I know you are happy with your life and your woman, why can’t you let me be happy with my life?
also, the other guy was one that I dumped twice, well not even a second a time because I wasn’t interested. And I wasnt interested this time. That’s what I was saying. You might be surprised to know they don’t all dump me and I have dumped nearly every guy in the past 2 years. You are just so quick to pounce. It pains you for some odd reason when I am happy and doing good.
Girl, you’re kicking butt in that new job!
As for the recycled boyfriends circling around - nah. Hold out for the guy who is excited to see you and puts in the effort.
Girl, you’re kicking butt in that new job!
As for the recycled boyfriends circling around - nah. Hold out for the guy who is excited to see you and puts in the effort.
Thanks! I was really scared at first that I made a mistake , but I think this job is exactly what I needed !
Another blast from my last came back as well. This is the second time he Circled back. I am bit interested. He really tried to convince me to be, but I am not. I guess it’s that time of the year, who knows.
I don't think you even know what you are saying anymore. One minute you are a bit interested...
Also, the other guy was one that I dumped twice, well not even a second a time because I wasn’t interested. And I wasn't interested this time.
The next minute you are not.
It pains you for some odd reason when I am happy and doing good.
It doesn't pain me I just don't believe it, I know you too well. Fine I can play the game.
I am so happy you are happy and finally have everything you want in life!
Apologies, autocorrect, “not” corrected to “bit”
And you really don’t know me that well at all, Lh. We haven’t even spoken in months. But thank you for making sure you challenge a good place in my life.
I am glad that you have returned. Everyone needs a safe place to blog. You have helped others along their paths of self discovery and I hope that you will continue to share your ups and your downs along the way. We are all human and make mistakes. No one is immune to making mistakes.
We are all human and make mistakes. No one is immune to making mistakes.
Agreed! As posters though we try to give advice to eliminate people making the same mistakes over and over. G is not a FWB girl. Walk away from the guys who "need to be single".
But I am truly content with life presently. Is it still a struggle ? Yup. But I’m happy. Things are going well. And I am proud of me, because I built all of this myself. No one else, just me. My kid is doing great and I take a good amount of credit for that. She’s the best teenage girl I could have asked for even though we butt beads like sisters sometimes. I’m healthy. I am gainfully employed. I have solid friendships. I am truly content .
We have our differences, but glad you're happy and doing well. Hope you don't spend too long on TemporaryGuy. I just dropped my TemporaryGal--she said ILY, I did not. I learn, lol. If we're open to it, we'll find our forever people.
Ginger1,
Glad you're back!
Congrats on doing well with the new position. It doesn't surprise me. Often times people are a little hesitant or uncomfortable with a change, but then when they take the leap and put themselves in the new position they crush it. It most be nice to hear that positive feedback...not to mention the 4% and 6% raises! My advice is in another year or two leverage that new position / salary into yet another new position with an even higher salary - studies show people who jump around get more raises and promotions and result up with higher income in the end.
I've nothing to add on the dating world topic, as you're far ahead of me in the learning curve there, but...there are two topics I'd love an update in on (if you're willing to share):
1) ExH's affair with OW/newW's friend - anything surface there yet, and how is daughter feeling about it?
2) Child support review with your ExW - even with the raise, I bet you're still owed double what you're currently getting. Only a few more years of it with your daughter's age....hope you get what you deserve raising her a majority of the time.
Ginger1,
Glad you're back!
Congrats on doing well with the new position. It doesn't surprise me. Often times people are a little hesitant or uncomfortable with a change, but then when they take the leap and put themselves in the new position they crush it. It most be nice to hear that positive feedback...not to mention the 4% and 6% raises! My advice is in another year or two leverage that new position / salary into yet another new position with an even higher salary - studies show people who jump around get more raises and promotions and result up with higher income in the end.
I've nothing to add on the dating world topic, as you're far ahead of me in the learning curve there, but...there are two topics I'd love an update in on (if you're willing to share):
1) ExH's affair with OW/newW's friend - anything surface there yet, and how is daughter feeling about it?
2) Child support review with your ExW - even with the raise, I bet you're still owed double what you're currently getting. Only a few more years of it with your daughter's age....hope you get what you deserve raising her a majority of the time.
1) nothing has come of his affair. My daughter has decided to pretend it never happened. She actually doubted what she saw. Maybe for her own preservation ? I told her what she saw was real. I just want her to be happy and comfortable with her dad. And I also warned her she can’t ignore reality, and one day, reality will reveal itself. I also remind her that her dad loves Her very much and she is probably the one person he has truly known love for.
Yeah, the child support. I make a decent amount more than him now. How much more would I make per month? I still want to find that out without him finding it out. What I want to do is weight the price of peace of that makes sense? $50 more a month isn’t worth it. He watches my dog because he loves him . He did save money for my D’s college. I did not. I paid to raise her. And She also knows I don’t have money for her college, and when she graduates, she knows she will have a place in my home rent free to save money and build her life . Because quite frankly, that would have been the biggest game changer for me. I was 18, on my own, never had this chance to save a always struggling. Paid for my own college. I was discarded at 18. I absolutely refuse to ever do that to my daughter .
And thank you. It’s been a fulfilling difficult past 3 weeks. But I’m loving it. I don’t know where I will be in the next few years, but this position has really given me the chance to grow. Today we had an all staff meeting where I had to present a difficult contentious topic and apparently ( before me) this topic went over poorly. But today it went over very successfully. Everything I do in my life I do fairly and factual. And from experience. Today, it was respected and couldn’t be
Life is Anything but easy. But it’s good. And it’s good because I friggin made it good. I take all that credit .
One thing I will always shamelessly take pride in is everything I built against the odds and without the support. Statistically, I shouldn’t be this successful and I know this and I do not take it for granted
And thank you to those who welcomed me back.
I do think I’m going to crawl back into my peaceful world though. I was seriously content, contrary to one man’s opinion who believes he knows me so well.
It’s just not worth it
Ginger, I dont know crap about you, but you have experience to help others get through tough times. So, please stay..
Mach, I don’t have much to offer. My story is nothing like yours. I thing like many. I married a glaring red flag which I ignored due to my life circumstances. Married at 24, kid via IVF at 27, 6 months later he left me for his affair partner with whom he is married to this day.
I am now 42, daughter is 15, he’s cheating on this wife now.
But I guess if anything can be taken from my sitch is that it is survivable. I wished I was dead, but knew I couldn’t be because I had a baby who needed me. And she’s an amazing kid and our R is super strong. I love her more than life itself. My life has been a struggle and nothing has ever come without hard work, struggle and hustle.
But in the last 15 years I changed my jobs multiple times to accommodate my daughter. I furthered my education. I recently took a promotion which is HARD work. I mean HARD work. And I’m doing well although I just want to just lay down and sleep most days.
My love life never thrived. And I’m Ok with that. When I look at all I did accomplish, I’m Ok with failing at my love life and succeeding at my friendships, career, and most importantly, parenthood. Raising a child nearly single handedly since birth without really having any family help, or a mother myself and her being a fantastic human being is bigger than accomplishing any romantic relationship. We can’t be great at everything, right ?
My new job is going well despite it being very challenging and sometimes mentally exhausting. My counterpart started, and while she is a good person, she drives me a little nuts. She means well, but she’s exhausting. Right now everything is still in my hands because she doesn’t have the access she needs . Good news? I have had multiple employees tell me that my support has made them want to come to work, even though we are short handed and it’s been a challenge. I’m still called from my old job to solve issues. I also picked up some hours from my other job on the nights and weekend. Easy money. However, I’m working in person this weekend. I’ll be on 12 days in a row of work.
Tonight was a great night at a VERY high end restaurant for a small
Marketing dinner. However; this week was a rough week, because I went up on my dose of my medication and I’ve been sick all week. Bad vertigo and exhaustion. My kid who never worries about me said “ you better go to the doctor, you aren’t yourself “ she knows I’m usually a hustler and bundle of energy. And all I wanted to do was sleep. I’m feeling better finally today. I haven’t been to the gym since Saturday. But we had an “Olympics” fundraiser which was so much fun. I learned I’m actually pretty in shape. I came in second for the most sit-ups in a minute, typing the 23 year old man who was killing every single category. I also came in second for woman’s bench press. However, I might be the slowest sprinter , lol. Our team came in 3 out of 4, but personally,
I did pretty darn good! Out did the young skinny chicks too .
I’m literally all peopled out. Looking forward to tomorrow night. Just me. Gonna watch the hockey game with my dog and I couldn’t be more excited
Ginger1,
I married a glaring red flag which I ignored due to my life circumstances. Married at 24, kid via IVF at 27, 6 months later he left me for his affair partner with whom he is married to this day.
Maybe I forgot, but don't think I knew the pregnancy was via IVF. In some ways that seems to me extra difficult because it must've been a very planned out / intentional event in your marriage (as opposed to an unexpected opps where all of a sudden he's trapped)...and yet so soon afterwards he's running off with another woman. You lived it, so I don't need to tell you, but guess that just jumps out at me and makes your Ex's actions even worse in my mind than before, if that's possible.
Mach, I don’t have much to offer. My story is nothing like yours. I thing like many. I married a glaring red flag which I ignored due to my life circumstances. Married at 24, kid via IVF at 27, 6 months later he left me for his affair partner with whom he is married to this day.
I am now 42, daughter is 15, he’s cheating on this wife now.
But I guess if anything can be taken from my sitch is that it is survivable. I wished I was dead, but knew I couldn’t be because I had a baby who needed me. And she’s an amazing kid and our R is super strong. I love her more than life itself. My life has been a struggle and nothing has ever come without hard work, struggle and hustle.
But in the last 15 years I changed my jobs multiple times to accommodate my daughter. I furthered my education. I recently took a promotion which is HARD work. I mean HARD work. And I’m doing well although I just want to just lay down and sleep most days.
My love life never thrived. And I’m Ok with that. When I look at all I did accomplish, I’m Ok with failing at my love life and succeeding at my friendships, career, and most importantly, parenthood. Raising a child nearly single handedly since birth without really having any family help, or a mother myself and her being a fantastic human being is bigger than accomplishing any romantic relationship. We can’t be great at everything, right ?
My new job is going well despite it being very challenging and sometimes mentally exhausting. My counterpart started, and while she is a good person, she drives me a little nuts. She means well, but she’s exhausting. Right now everything is still in my hands because she doesn’t have the access she needs . Good news? I have had multiple employees tell me that my support has made them want to come to work, even though we are short handed and it’s been a challenge. I’m still called from my old job to solve issues. I also picked up some hours from my other job on the nights and weekend. Easy money. However, I’m working in person this weekend. I’ll be on 12 days in a row of work.
Tonight was a great night at a VERY high end restaurant for a small
Marketing dinner. However; this week was a rough week, because I went up on my dose of my medication and I’ve been sick all week. Bad vertigo and exhaustion. My kid who never worries about me said “ you better go to the doctor, you aren’t yourself “ she knows I’m usually a hustler and bundle of energy. And all I wanted to do was sleep. I’m feeling better finally today. I haven’t been to the gym since Saturday. But we had an “Olympics” fundraiser which was so much fun. I learned I’m actually pretty in shape. I came in second for the most sit-ups in a minute, typing the 23 year old man who was killing every single category. I also came in second for woman’s bench press. However, I might be the slowest sprinter , lol. Our team came in 3 out of 4, but personally,
I did pretty darn good! Out did the young skinny chicks too .
I’m literally all peopled out. Looking forward to tomorrow night. Just me. Gonna watch the hockey game with my dog and I couldn’t be more excited
Out did the young skinny chicks too .
Sound like LH’s types, did you get any of their number for him?
Ginger, your story is still a success story. Allowing other people to hear it gives them encouragement,. How you did it, what enabled your, key factors are there. Your story is incredible.
The life of a single Mother, having to raise a child and educate oneself to get to the point they can raise a child in a good environment is success, no matter how you look at it.
Every sitch is different, there is always something. But, when people reach out they need help. And this forum helped a bit I am sure. I see and read it everyday..
It gives me inspiration to continue posting and such..
Congrats on all your hard work. It will pay dividends for life with your child..
I don’t have much to offer. My story is nothing like yours. I thing like many. I married a glaring red flag which I ignored due to my life circumstances. Married at 24, kid via IVF at 27, 6 months later he left me for his affair partner with whom he is married to this day.
I am now 42, daughter is 15, he’s cheating on this wife now.
G.....
That is what happened to you, not who you are....
Maybe that's the disconnect, when you live like all of that defined you, it brings you down.
When you live like that is what made you into who you are the majority of the time, is when you thrive...
I think you are right. I’ve recognized it. And truth is it doesn’t define who I am. But a big part of me will always be who I became from my struggles and success.
Now nothing really “defines” me. That’s not a black and white area . I’m just living these days. I don’t need to define myself or anything else for that matter. Too much mental energy. I am living each day as they come. I’m putting my energy into what will serve me, not hurt me. I’m standing up more for myself to protect my own energy.
I am also very good at compartmentalizing. And it works well for me. I have mastered being able to being happy and sad at the same time. I can be sad,
Angry and disappointed about something, but still be happy regarding good stuff. It doesn’t take one negative thing to make everything negative. Ita been working for me.
I really am finally content. Just taking each as it comes. Not borrowing trouble from the future. I rarely overthink anything anymore.
And quite honestly, work mentally drains me. It’s been an adjustment. And by the end of the day I shut down. I literally get out of my own head very easily because I don’t have the energy. It’s a positive !
I think it has a lot in the past...
And I think that you've spent an excessive amount of time trying to prove that you are good enough....
Good enough for everyone, except the one person it should matter the most to ....
you...
Something happened today in my personal life. Won’t divulge here.
But I think the way I handled it and how I felt after I handled it,and how I felt after handling it, Is really beginning to solidified that I do believe I am good enough. For me. Nobody else. Just me.
Oh, Mach 40, thank you, and I’m happy if sharing a synopsis of my life story has helped.
Mach1 is absolutely right, our experiences can mold us, but shouldn’t define us. It’s always a work in progress to not “be” my divorce or failed marriage, or failed relationships after. I won’t let it be who I am anymore .
OB- 2 of the girls on my team would be right up LH’s alley. But he’s a happily taken man with his own skinny chick . I could wrap my fingers around their legs. But they also couldn’t get even one rep up on the bench and got 22. So there ! Seriously though, super nice women and we all have our strengths. And mine is definitely not speed when running!
I have been very off this week and missed the gym all week. I’m finally feeling physically better , but I’m exhausted. I worked my first weekend at my old job. Work wasn’t busy, I got to work with my favorite people , one being my work wife and we had such a good time. I was also shocked by how many people truly miss me there . All I hear is “it’s not the same, please come back!” And even today, the physician advisor I work with was surprised to hear me when he called in and needed something done and he told me he I am very missed. And he is not a man of emotion. I got what he needed done and he said “ this is just one of the reasons we miss you terribly!”
I know it might seem like a low key brag. And weird I talk about work so much. But honestly, it’s a huge part of my life. It always has been. It’s where I have always gotten adult interaction, formed relationships and felt valued. I’ve been coming home for years and years to no one but my kid and she does ask me how my day was, but in reality, work has been the only place I have felt like a respected adult where anyone really cared about me as a person. I always make sure to bring life into work , because we are there for majority of working hours and no one should be miserable at their job. When I was going through my D and I had a new baby and everything was changing at once, going to work was the only place things felt normal. I looked forward to work. And I worked night shift in an ICU!
I also feel like a Sh!t because once again my cousin and I aren’t talking. It’s been a month now. She got mad at me when I didn’t respond to a text of a picture of her basil in her garden ( I looked at it at a traffic light and just forgot about it) then I’m my last 2 days at my other job, I was out a work event and she texted me about helping her move mulch on Saturday. I didn’t answer because I couldn’t. 2 hours later she texted me, yet again going off on me about how I never answered her texts. I told her Where I was and why I couldn’t and that wasn’t acceptable to her. We have the same argument all the time. She gets offended when I don’t answer her texts which don’t even actually have an “answer” I’m just tired and I haven’t had the energy to make this better . She left me hanging and I never reached out again. I’m trying so hard to focus on what I need at the moment and I just don’t have the mental space right now. I feel guilty, but I just can’t do it. Also, when I don’t answer, she never asks me if I am ok, if I need anything, etc. and when we are together, I listen to her b!tvh about her life, her husband. Everything. Never asks about me.
Anyways, I’m completely exhausted. I’ve got 5 more days to go and I finally get a day off. And I’m exhausted to the point where I am fighting back tears. I’ve been thinking about planning a weekend getaway for myself in January. I’m running on empty and need to refuel
It’s so weird, I keep going to update, write a long post and delete.
I am exhausted but I’m still going. Lots of hours worked and crap going on with my house and other stuff. But I’m good. Still planning a few days off in January and going away for a weekend by myself to get some rest.
I am seeing hockey guy again. It’s good. No labels. But we like eachother and have a great time together. So I can choose to be alone and not have fun with this guy. Or I can just have a good time with him. We text every day. Especially when we are watching our hockey team play. We talk politics and religion respectfully, even with some opposing views. It’s a nice friendship with the bonus of attraction. He also fulfills a need I think I was truly missing. Will it likely end? Yeah. Could it possibly not end? Yeah. But right now, I like it. It’s not holding me back from anything. If I was still seeking “the partner” maybe it would be a bad idea. But when he reappeared in my life, I had already stopped looking. Deleted apps. Was at peace with where I was. Just happy living day to day and my focus being on my career, home, kid, and my fitness/hobbies. And that’s where I still am even with him in my life. He has talked about some fun weekend trips we would both enjoy, like seeing a hockey game in a certain city I never visited, although not far. He is also going to teach me how to stop when Ice skating, lol. I’m a good skater, bad stopper. I keep trying to think of a real no should end this , but I can’t think of one, except that it might end. And I guess anything might end at some point, right ? Even in the best of situations .
So that’s that. I do know when it doesn’t work for me anymore and it doesn’t feel good, I will end it. But right now, I just can’t find a reason to do it.
I am seeing hockey guy again. It’s good. No labels. But we like each other and have a great time together.
This is a bizarre statement. You say the first three statements which is good because there should be no labels because it has been less than a month. Than you throw the "but" in there which negates the first 3 statements and than you say you like each other and have a great time together. Why not just say " I am seeing hockey guy again. We like each other and have a great time together. We will see where it goes. You are holding something back.
So I can choose to be alone and not have fun with this guy. Or I can just have a good time with him.
Another bizarre statement of the obvious.
We text every day. Especially when we are watching our hockey team play. We talk politics and religion respectfully, even with some opposing views.
Sounds amazing!
It’s a nice friendship with the bonus of attraction.
So is it a friendship or are you dating? If you don't know the difference is there nudity involved?
He also fulfills a need I think I was truly missing.
Which is what?
Will it likely end? Yeah. Could it possibly not end? Yeah. But right now, I like it.
Uuuuummm every relationship could or could not end.
If I was still seeking “the partner” maybe it would be a bad idea.
So now all of a sudden after 15 years everything you always judged yourself by is suddenly out the window? Sorry I don't buy it.
I keep trying to think of a real no should end this , but I can’t think of one, except that it might end. And I guess anything might end at some point, right ? Even in the best of situations .
You really have a scarcity mindset.
So that’s that. I do know when it doesn’t work for me anymore and it doesn’t feel good, I will end it. But right now, I just can’t find a reason to do it.
There is definitely more to this story then you are sharing.
It’s so weird, I keep going to update, write a long post and delete.
I can understand that. My own posting has taken a nose-dive that was preceded by deleting more than 1/2 of the posts I wrote before hitting the button.
There's just not much that I want to put out there to have dissected by the current audience or have visible for whatever random lurker may be passing by.
G -
My friend who is in a 12 step program for Love Addiction says one of the program concepts is not to put more into a relationship than the other person is putting in. So check yourself if you find that you are the one doing more or reaching out more. It should be equal.
As for taking it as it comes - I'm good at doing that, but are you? Will you become too attached? Do you have a plan for that?
And those political and religious differences - how big are they? How much does it say about their underlying values?? For me, certain persuasions are a hard no for dating because of what it says about their empathy, intellect, tolerance for racism, and selfishness. So don't paper over anything that is serious.
Lh, there is no more to this than what I’m sharing . Triple H, no labels. Nothing more, nothing less.
Also, the last 25 years of my existence hasn’t been about finding a partner. Don’t know where you got that from. The last 15
Years of my life have been about surviving, raising my daughter, building my career, nurturing friendships and living life. Sure, did I want a partner? Yes. Did I exist for that purpose, god no. I see things differently now that I am older, my daughter is almost on her way to college and I have been living as a single woman for 15 years. Life looks different to me.
KML, I think the my problem i have with attachment is it feels worse when things end when it’s good. That’s what hit me hard the last time. Things were good. But I handled it just fine.
Our religious /political differences are not hard stops. Actually, it is so refreshing to have an intelligent informed conversation where we are both open to each other’s views and opinions. We have healthy conversations. He’s a smart guy.
I am definitely not putting more into this than I’m getting out of it. I would say it’s a pretty equal amount of energy. He has his life, his hobbies and his friends. And I have mine. And when we can, we come together.
Lh, there is no more to this than what I’m sharing . Triple H, no labels. Nothing more, nothing less.
Ok so everything you are saying is normal. Triple Hing, no labels, having fun. For once you are doing exactly everything right but you are so fatalistic about it so it makes me wonder why you are so sure disaster lurks in the shadows.
Also, the last 25 years of my existence hasn’t been about finding a partner. Don’t know where you got that from.
Well if you look back I said 15 years.
The last 15 Years of my life have been about surviving, raising my daughter, building my career, nurturing friendships and living life. Sure, did I want a partner? Yes. Did I exist for that purpose, god no.
Well you have always been great at all that and for the last 7 years I have been reading how your life has been a big failure so I guess I assumed that is because you haven't been successful in that one area.
I see things differently now that I am older, my daughter is almost on her way to college and I have been living as a single woman for 15 years. Life looks different to me.
Different than what?
Well, I am losing weight but I still have fat fingers . 15 years.
I have never thought I have been a failure for these past 15 years. Where did you get that from? Maybe you think I am? I have been pretty successful. Maybe not in the area of romantic relationships , but that doesn’t make me an overall failure. My non-success in that area doesn’t make me who I am. No clue where you got that from.
Why am I fatalist? Well, you haven’t lived in my shoes. I never had a safe and secure life since childhood. Everyone I felt slightly secure , I have suffered a major loss. Disaster has mostly lurked in the shadows. I’ve seen and experience som Sh!t since I was a child. I can’t think of something not leaving/ending. It’s for my own self preservation. And it’s ingrained. I work on it daily. If I keep telling myself it will eventually end or go away, then I will be “prepared” for when it does. It’s a sucky way to live for sure, and I hope most never have to experience that.
I am in a different stage of my life now. I am no longer in my early 30’s a single mother to a school aged kid. Yes, the I wanted and I craved a “family” I really didn’t have it growing up, it was ripped away from me as soon as my baby was born, and my focus was a lot different , now I’m older, my kid is almost a freakin adult and my focus so different. My goals are different and my desires are different. Just like yours have changed even over the past few years.
Things are just different. I have accepted some things that will never be and I’m at peace with them. And for now I work really hard to live in the moment
OMG nobody here ever thought you were a failure but you. Maybe when you have some free time read through your threads.
Nah in the beginning you’re usually pretty optimistic telling us how these guys are different. You are not telling up something. Why in your opinion is this guy so “unavailable”?
Nope, never thought of myself as a failure in life. Actually, I’m usually like “wow, I kick butt “
I’m telling you everything. He’s still going through a divorce and he’s still not looking for a relationship right now. That hasn’t changed since the last time. Which is fine by me. He has his hobbies and his social life and I have mine. That’s all there is to it.
Ahhh still married. Thought that was a hard never again? I’ll let DNJ handle this one.
Ahhh still married. Thought that was a hard never again? I’ll let DNJ handle this one.
It’s the same guy, LH. The one I have already sinned with .
Oh boy. FTK. You’re a glutton for pain. He’s never going to buy the milk when he can get it for free.
I don’t want him to buy the milk, LH .
Just so you know you’re not HHHing. That’s a term used when you are heading towards a relationship.
Says who? That idiot coach? I used his terminology wrong ?
Ok, I’m not triple Hing. Nor do I care.
Oh boy. FTK. You’re a glutton for pain. He’s never going to buy the milk when he can get it for free.
Sadly, or not, I was thinking the same. But being a dude it’s painfully obvious what’s going on - he’s getting laid. Duh. That doesn’t mean he does not like you. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy hanging out with you. It does mean if sex were off the table he’d be gone. This is as clear as morning air.
I don’t want him to buy the milk, LH .
Okay now you’re not even being honest with yourself let alone us - but mostly with yourself. You know dang well you want a real R. You’ve wanted this FOREVER. Sadly you’re willing to except what he will give in blind hope he will change his mind or in exchange for being alone and lonely. This story is as old as time. Read “Ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives”.
How are you not going against everything you SAY you want and will do. These have been your words, not ours. You have said you dint want FWB - which is exactly what this is. I’m not saying it’s wrong or bad. I’d love it. It’s exactly what I WANT. It’s never been what you want and it still is not.
Don of course nailed it and has been following you longer than I have.
Don could handle FWB and I could handle it. You cannot. You’ll say you can but like most stuff lately with you is a lie.
I’ve been hockey guy before. Telling you he’s not ready for a relationship frees him of any guilt when he doesn’t want to do this anymore and or starts sleeping with other women. “I told you I wasn’t ready for a relationship”.
Unless he’s a straight out player every man is ready for a relationship if he feels he’s with the right one.
You sent him the proverbial “contact me when you’re ready to date for real”. Words and actions aren’t congruent and believe he knows it.
This is really getting sad to see but I’m not sure what else we can do other than watch this train wreck unfold and hope the casualties are low.
You’re better than this but until you believe it nothing changes.
Ahhh.
I’m doing what I want right now and I’m not doing it because I have expectations of anything else. Im a grown a$$ woman who will have sex if she wants and it’s not for the intention of trying to make someone commit to me.
I have chosen this situation. It works for me right now. When it doesn’t work for me, I leave it.
I have no expectations of anymore than we have nor do I want it right now.
Im a big girl. I can handle it. I can handle it because I chose it, and I wouldn’t have chosen it if I couldn’t handle it .
Sad and train wreck huh?
Why is it a train wreck? Why is it sad? Im not going to be devastated and I don’t expect any particular outcome.
The funny thing is I’ve never been devastated or a train deck before. Just when my ex left me. I don’t know where you get this from.
It goes to show how much you don’t know me , but think you do .
You had like 4 dates with the guy and you were pretty distraught when he ended it. How do you think you’re going to feel after say 6 months?
Distraught?! I wasn’t distraught at all. Where are you getting this from? I was sad it ended because I was having a good time. I mean I’m human,‘I’m not dead, I have feelings. But distraught very much wasn’t one of them.
“Train wreck” “distraught” I was a “ failure”
You certainly have a flair for the dramatic
You were sad/distraught after 4 dates. Picture 6 months. How do you think you’ll feel then?
Yep you have feelings that’s why it’s difficult for me to fathom why you are putting yourself through this again but yeah it’s your life.
Jesus. I was sad. Then that night I went to a concert and had a blast. I’m human. Distraught certainly wasn’t the word.
I’m sad when I finish my ice cream and there is no more left.
I’m sad when my Netflix series ends.
And I move on with life
G -
So long as you think you can handle this casual relationship, go ahead. Honestly I don’t know how you’ve survived such long stretches without sex at your age do go ahead and get some if that’s what you want. But also be careful of becoming what my friend calls “needless and wantless”. It’s okay to want things in a relationship and to express that.
I can't sleep in on the weekends so these are some quotes just from August and September:
I do promise one rule I will never break again is dating separated men. Not good.
But I have zero attraction with no depth for an extended period of time. That makes me want to bail.
So I am guessing because there is no relationship you can't be having these in depth convos so why don't you want to bail?
I also began to think that dating right now in this climate at this age is what it is. A bunch of people wanting no reald commitment and just sex. I almost told myself that this is the new norm, get used to it. Rarely did have I chatted with a guy who wants to date for real. All just busy professionals and parents whos "kids are their number one priority" ( I say that, because no sh!t). who just want to size a woman up as a sexual partner when it works for them. This is literally all I get. In some weird way, I must exude that? But i must have one of the most conservative online profiles out there for women.
I don't think you exude it you just accept it.
I worked with a coworker today who had just come back to work with us on the weekends. She said to me "Don't ever settle" and I did. I found myself mentally trying to settle. But why would I need to? I have provided for my own needs. I don't have any reason to settle.
Then why are you?
And I really don't feel so hopeful going forward about finding that one respectful great person to go forward with at this stage. But I also know I won't settle.
Uummm kinda sounds like you are settling.
But I could fess, there was something about this last guy. I miss him. It was so short and so sweet. But there was a serious something there and I think about him so much.
4 dates and you want us to believe you will not be affected?
My experience. And he was honest with me and told me how much he cared for me but he needs to be alone.
What's changed in 3 months?
I told him of when he was ready to date for real, hit me up, and maybe I’ll be available and we can talk.
Is he ready to date for real? If not, " you are still not ready to date for real. Hit me up when you are and maybe I will still be available". That makes you someone of value and worth having.
And I violated a rule I had sent once. I dated a guy who wasn’t legally divorced. It was painful, but it was once.
Sooo my guess is it doesn't count because it's the same dude?
You’re angry at DnJ because he pointed out that legally the hockey guy was still married and that you broke your own rule and that you may want to check that. You are the one who said he attacked you and your morals. That’s been pointed out to you before and you ignored it in favor of attacking him, not disagreeing. You’re angry because in violating your own rule you got hurt, and I think it’s you who are judging yourself but you won’t own that. D is just a convenient target.
BF is a wise woman.
You have to believe you are better than this or nothing changes.
G -
So long as you think you can handle this casual relationship, go ahead. Honestly I don’t know how you’ve survived such long stretches without sex at your age do go ahead and get some if that’s what you want. But also be careful of becoming what my friend calls “needless and wantless”. It’s okay to want things in a relationship and to express that.
You said something very key. I have a tendency to become wantless and needless in a relationship/ situationships, whatever it is. That’s where I become not true to myself. From past experiences I feel like having wants and needs is being “being needy” but it really isn’t. As long as it’s reasonable having wants and needs and expressing them is a healthy true to your self thing
My middle son sent me a link to a song yesterday. It's really catchy - but also might be a song you could relate to right now. Casual by Chappell Roan. (Warning - NSFW)
So, here we are again in the holiday season. I feel the SAD kicking in. A big part is the lack of family and sharing my kid. I’m working Christmas and I was asked to work Christmas Eve and I said yes. I just have no one to be with. D will be with her dad. I do have friends, but no one really knows or asks if I’ll be alone. I think it’s often assumed around the holidays that people have someone . So by working, I basically give myself an excuse to be alone. Pathetic, I know. Every year I pray it will be different, but it never is. Well, one year it was. And it was really nice. I was on cloud 9. It’s hard being an only child with no spouse and not much family. It is what it is I guess. The holidays will come and go.
Work is ok. I’m awful, but my new counterpart drives me nuts. She means well, but she always has something to prove, everything turns into a story about herself and she is constantly talking over people. I just sit quietly. I am having dinner tonight with my friend,the social worker I worked with for years and we grew super close. I can’t wait to catch up.
House problems abound. Got mice, can’t take it, finally hired someone. He was the kindest guy. His 13 year old son works with him . They came last night and planted the bait. Next is getting a new door I had to kick in for D’s room.
I also don’t know if my situation with hockey guy is working for me. Sometimes it feels good, sometimes it doesn’t . Don’t need to make any decisions now though.
I’m sure I’ll get out of my funk soon.
Why don’t you make holiday plans with hockey guy?
I just have no one to be with. D will be with her dad. I do have friends, but no one really knows or asks if I’ll be alone. I think it’s often assumed around the holidays that people have someone . So by working, I basically give myself an excuse to be alone. Pathetic, I know. Every year I pray it will be different, but it never is. Well, one year it was. And it was really nice. I was on cloud 9. It’s hard being an only child with no spouse and not much family. It is what it is I guess. The holidays will come and go.
I've been a single dad separated from family for over a decade and never spent a Thanksgiving or Christmas alone. E.g., last Christmas Eve I didn't pray that I wouldn't be alone nor wait for someone to ask if I'd be alone. I told a dozen friends/acquaintances that I was solo and invited them over if they were free to share a meal. 5-7 who were also solo came. It was a wonderful evening. I'm planning to firm up my holiday plans tonight to ensure similar success this year. If being with friends on the holidays doesn't work for you, that's fine, but a reminder accompanying prayer with action works well.
Why don’t you make holiday plans with hockey guy?
Thanks for the wise arse comment.
Traveler, your holiday last year sounds great. I was already committed to work on Christmas and having people over wouldn’t even be feasible.y friends all have families and plans already. It’s OK . My dog will be there
A few thoughts about Xmas:
First of all, you do see how you became "needless and wantless" around the holiday issue, right? Don't do that next year. I understand how it is in healthcare, but just work either Xmas Eve or Xmas, not both, okay?
Second - it's not too late to plan a holiday get together on another day. My mom used to do "Grandma's Xmas" a week before or a few days after Xmas, as her adult children and grandkids were all busy with their own families on the day of. And a guy I knew through my BFF used to throw a big party every year on Xmas day evening. He called it "The Loser's Xmas" and held it for something like 30 years. All his friends and acquaintances who didn't have someplace to be on Xmas came. I went with her the first Xmas that I didn't have my kids with me (after my Xmas Eve second date with Spa Guy) and it was a fantastic gathering. My sister has a big gingerbread house making party every year before Xmas and all her friends love it. Throw a potluck Xmas party sometime before Xmas (to save yourself some of the work and expense) and invite lots of people. You're not the only one who is lonely around the holidays.
As for the SAD - make sure your vitamin D levels are good (this plays a huge role) and get a light box if you don't already have one.
Uuuummmm I was being serious.
Uuuummmm I was being serious.
He has a big Italian Roman Catholic family he spends his Christmas with. He is not in the same boat as I am.
Uuuummmm I was being serious.
He has a big Italian Roman Catholic family he spends his Christmas with. He is not in the same boat as I am.
Well would one more for dinner be that big of a deal?
Uuuummmm I was being serious.
He has a big Italian Roman Catholic family he spends his Christmas with. He is not in the same boat as I am.
Well would one more for dinner be that big of a deal?
How many women have you invited over for a major holiday with your family when casually dating for a short period of time ?
Well I have young kids if I didn't I would for sure.
Well can't you two get together and exchange gifts under the mistletoe?
as an Italian Roman Catholic, if his family is anything like the older generation in mine, one does not bring someone casual.
as an Italian Roman Catholic, if his family is anything like the older generation in mine, one does not bring someone casual.
Precisely. And I wouldn’t feel comfortable.
Have him over to your side of the family. Explain to your dad how you’re FWB.
as an Italian Roman Catholic, if his family is anything like the older generation in mine, one does not bring someone casual.
Precisely. And I wouldn’t feel comfortable.
which is even more important.
Have him over to your side of the family. Explain to your dad how you’re FWB.
Do you get off on being such a douche to me ?
Just spitballing some ideas based on the reality of the situation during the holiday season.
Part of me wants to stoop to your level, but I won’t.
may I ask, what does it matter what the reality of the situation is? Super G says this is what she wants, vis a vis her sitch with hockey guy. Opinions are like @$$holes ... everyone has one, but regardless of anyone else's opinion, this is Super G's reality and her path to walk. Who are we to deny G her own journey, and how do we know where her journey will take her? Perhaps God/The Universe/Whatever you want to call it has this as part of her plan ... how are we to know? We aren't, and pretending we do is nothing short of hubristic at this point.
I believe you mean well LH, I truly do so I also have to ask - why do you keep using the same tactics to drive your point home? Do you think it's actually helping Super G for you to jump on every freaking post she makes? And I bet the onslaught isn't limited to the boards... my guess is you're also blowing up her phone with texts that continue in the same vein.
Simply put nothing changes if nothing changes --- but that's for you as well as for myself and everyone else reading this.
G - it's your life. Make decisions which are in alignment with who you are and who you want to be. It's ok to switch course midway if you decide to, and it's also ok to stay the course. You're on your own journey. xoxoxo
Message received BF. I am bowing out of this thread.
Thanks B- he’s been blocked on text for a while when I did realize he doesn’t mean well.
Some people just love to be right. He wants to be right, and I know this because even when I have done things “correctly” according to his readings and beliefs , I’m still always wrong and he will always be right .
He’s getting perverse pleasure out of this for some reason. And one would think if he was in this great exclusive relationship with a woman just his type who thinks he’s the bees knees he would be more focused on that. Not going back through all of my posts to construe a narrative, copy and paste them out of context JUST be to be right. I would imagine he’s got better things going on his life.
And yes, I am making my choices as an adult. And I have the free will to change this course when I decide it isn’t working for me and I fully plan on exercising that . And that may be sooner rather than later. And I will not be “devastated” . I’ll just keep on doing my thing .
Ginger,
This is your journey and no one can make you do a darn thing. We all have paths to follow. Sometimes those paths take us in many directions. The lessons you learn along the way are your lessons and we all have opinions, but at the end of the day, you are the only one that is looking in the mirror and can be pleased with your lessons and what you have discovered about yourself.
Posters need to remember that each person's journey may be different. It is not for us to say who will have a successful journey right out of the gate. Each journey is unique and each poster will figure things out on their timeline...not ours.
Ginger, I look forward to seeing what 2023 will be like for you. Your daughter is growing up into a beautiful young lady and you have a great relationship w/her. Don't be too hard on yourself when it comes to life. I know you get discouraged at times, but once you figure things out, you come out much stronger and wiser. Be kind and patient with yourself.
P.S. We are here to support, not be the judge, jury and executioner. Try to remember posters from all over the world come here for advice and to read what others have experienced along the way.
Thanks B- he’s been blocked on text for a while when I did realize he doesn’t mean well.
Some people just love to be right. He wants to be right, and I know this because even when I have done things “correctly” according to his readings and beliefs , I’m still always wrong and he will always be right .
He’s getting perverse pleasure out of this for some reason. And one would think if he was in this great exclusive relationship with a woman just his type who thinks he’s the bees knees he would be more focused on that. Not going back through all of my posts to construe a narrative, copy and paste them out of context JUST be to be right. I would imagine he’s got better things going on his life.
And yes, I am making my choices as an adult. And I have the free will to change this course when I decide it isn’t working for me and I fully plan on exercising that . And that may be sooner rather than later. And I will not be “devastated” . I’ll just keep on doing my thing .
I’m blocked? I guess I know why you haven’t returned my texts. It’s not about being rights it’s about the whole insanity thing. I wish you well in your endeavors G money I’ll always remember we made it through the pandemic together.
Thanks Job. It’s about to be a big time of transition for me, and I have no idea what will come with it. When I became a single mom with an infant, I knew the next 18 years, all of my decisions were going to based on my child and her needs. And that I would be stuck where k am until she graduated high school. I have been her primary parent, #1 and we have been going through all stages being a minor together with it’s adjustments. I’ve adjusted accordingly, but yes, every decision i have had to make has revolved around her and her needs through each stage of a life.
Well, now, she’s entering adulthood very shortly and will be on her own. And I am going to be making decisions based on what works for ME primarily. It’s a huge life transition. It’s exciting and very scary at the same time. I’m entering this stage alone. What I do and where I go will mainly have to do with my career. And I have no clue what that looks like!
But it’s in 2.5 years. And I’m absolutely thinking about it now. And yeah, having my kid go to college and not having my sidekick there all the time scares me alot . There will be a hole. But there will be some exciting stuff on the horizons for me.
I wish you well in your endeavors G money I’ll always remember we made it through the pandemic together.
Well if that’s not an interesting and telling comment. Several here have always had their suspicions.
As for the rest, lots of good comments, but also some additional blanks that need to be filled in, for example I firmly believe we are here more than just to support - - - Challenge, hold accountable, suggest, point out, to name a few. It’s often not any posters actions as much as how these actions go against their own previous words and own best interest. And yes there is the insanity factor. I’ll try to post more later.
I don’t need to be held accountability for anything. I know what I’m doing. Exactly what I am doing.
See, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
I don’t expect a different result. I know what the result is .
I wish you well in your endeavors G money I’ll always remember we made it through the pandemic together.
Well if that’s not an interesting and telling comment. Several here have always had their suspicions.
.
WOAH! Just to clear up any insinuations …
There has never been nor will there ever be anything romantic going on between LH and I. Nothing has ever even come close to anything other than a platonic relationship
I wish you well in your endeavors G money I’ll always remember we made it through the pandemic together.
Well if that’s not an interesting and telling comment. Several here have always had their suspicions.
.
WOAH! Just to clear up any insinuations …
There has never been nor will there ever be anything romantic going on between LH and I. Nothing has ever even come close to anything other than a platonic relationship
I am not her type. Although hockey guy looks very similar to me.
I don’t expect a different result. I know what the result is
Please share.
I wish you well in your endeavors G money I’ll always remember we made it through the pandemic together.
Well if that’s not an interesting and telling comment. Several here have always had their suspicions.
As for the rest, lots of good comments, but also some additional blanks that need to be filled in, for example I firmly believe we are here more than just to support - - - Challenge, hold accountable, suggest, point out, to name a few. It’s often not any posters actions as much as how these actions go against their own previous words and own best interest. And yes there is the insanity factor. I’ll try to post more later.
Don you are truly me favorite poster. You keep it real and authentic.
The good news is I am an adult and can reevaluate and change my mind and go against whatever was copy and pasted.
Things change. Feelings change, situations change.
Seasons change and people change.
Hey, let’s talk about something positive that has nothing to do with my love life!
D is a junior varsity cheer coach for the basketball team and a varsity cheerleader for the basketball team! I haven’t been a fan of how she hasn’t had anything to do after school and has been lazy. Now she is committed and excited about this. Good exercise, socialization and looks great on college apps. She had her first practice today and it went great and she was excited to show me what they created in their dance so far.
I also have a teen who never locks herself in her room, watches TV , mostly hockey games with me every night, and loves when I write silly messages on her lunch. The things that drive me the most nuts about her is she watches too much tik toks ( but she loves to make me do they with her) and feeding her gives me stress. Other than that, I got super lucky with most amazing teen so far.
I am a lucky mom
If you all would like a really good laugh. Another guy has circled back for round 3.
I think it’s the time of the year. And no, I didn’t even answer the text.
Don you are truly me favorite poster. You keep it real and authentic.
Pretty sure that was not always the case so I very much appreciate you saying so. I’ve always been somewhat of an acquired taste or at least it takes time for many to really understand or get me. Unless someone is trying to be a jerk, something G rarely if ever does, I’m honestly just trying to help. And honesty is always front and center with me.
You’re a great mom, G. You can be really proud of breaking the cycle.
As for the third guy circling back - what’s your intuition on why this happens? Are you the undemanding fallback girl? Are these guys you rejected? Slacker guys just thumbing through their black book? Guys you rejected who just can’t take the hint? Or are these OLD guys you haven’t met in person yet, in which case it’s common behavior.
Trying to think back on my own “circle back” dating experiences. Although I’m still friends with most of the guys I dated, and I know a couple who would love it if I was interested in dating them again, but the only real “circle back” dating experience I can think of was Mr Big Lots.
He was a Love Avoidant guy who I broke up with because he was so unreliable (dude, don’t make a date with me then show up hours later or sometimes not at all! ). He came back after a while asking to try again, and even read the article on Love Avoidants that I gave him as a precondition to dating again. (I know he read it because he shared it with his mom and he shared her comments with me). But his behavior didn’t change so after a few more dates I broke it off again.
I suppose Spa Guy might count as a circle back but not really, since we were never anything but casual anyway.
Anyway - usually there’s a good reason why it didn’t work out the first time.
Girl - if you want to have casual sex with hockey guy or anyone else and THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT, then go ahead. You’re a grown woman and sex is delightful. I think though that nobody wants to see you get hurt again by getting attached to a guy who is less invested in the relationship than you are.
Interesting question .
Some guys came back because they actually did want to have a relationship with me, but I did not want one with them . Other guys, well, I’m a good fun time. And when they get bored or lonely, why not G?!
As far as sex. If I only had committed relationship sex in the last 15 years of my life, it would have only been with 3 guys, and for like 2 years total.
Not how I want to live!
There has been periods where I could only have it with someone I really clicked with and had an emotional
Connnection with. Other times, I didn’t care if there was one. And other times, I just wanted nothing to do with it.
I am getting older and I don’t want to waste my prime years away!
I decided to not be needless and wantless. I expressed a need, even though k knew the consequence might be a “no”. But it was received very well, understood and appreciated.
Sadly, yet happily, this might be the first time this has happened to me, lol . It felt good
I decided to not be needless and wantless. I expressed a need, even though k knew the consequence might be a “no”. But it was received very well, understood and appreciated.
I for certain speak fluid sarcasm. Where I struggle is with speaking fluid cryptic. Toss in typos and I really struggle. It sorta sounds like you told hockey guy you want more than FWB? Sorta sounds like he didn’t run. But where does that leave things? And he’s already been clear, multiple times over, he’s not ready for an R. For one he’s still MARRIED.
So just going with the cryptic I think it’s great you stood up for what you really want even though you very much denied it days ago and claimed you only wanted sex. Again your words not ours. But good on you being honest with yourself. I just hope he’s not telling you what you want to hear to keep getting what he wants. Guys will do that ya know. Worse yet even though you’re not forcing anything, he will feel forced and later claim he agreed to R because you forced him to. Guys will do that too.
But I may be way off because I don’t speak fluent cryptic and am not sure what really happened. So maybe you can just spell out what actually happened?
I’m not being cryptic, I’m just sharing what I am comfortable with.
For all anyone knows is it was any situation in my life where I wasn’t afraid to express a need. It happens to me in various areas of my life. And I’ve always lived with a fear of expressing my needs and wants and it felt good to do it and not have it knocked down with a baseball bat.
That’s all
Ginger, family first. Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job as a Mom. Definitely a tough job.
I am volunteering for a soup kitchen for Thanksgiving.. If I cant be with my family here, than I will bring joy to others who deserve far more.
Do what you got to do and want to do. You dont owe anyone an explanation, unless you want to..
Ginger1,
So, here we are again in the holiday season...I just have no one to be with. D will be with her dad. I do have friends, but no one really knows or asks if I’ll be alone. I think it’s often assumed around the holidays that people have someone .
I hear you on the holidays and being alone / not having set plans. Thanksgiving is only a few days away and the kids with be with ExW and I'm still not sure what I'll do that day. I agree people tend to default to their families / set plans, it'd be nice if offers were extended but understandably not on the top of their minds. I was fortunate to have a Friendsgiving this weekend and will be taking the kids to my sister's family next, but those day-ofs when everyone's tied up with their "normal family" plans are a bit lonely. I may do a looong session at the gym or maybe go for a hike on my own.
It’s about to be a big time of transition for me, and I have no idea what will come with it.
Well, now, she’s entering adulthood very shortly and will be on her own. And I am going to be making decisions based on what works for ME primarily. It’s a huge life transition. It’s exciting and very scary at the same time. I’m entering this stage alone. What I do and where I go will mainly have to do with my career. And I have no clue what that looks like!
But it’s in 2.5 years. And I’m absolutely thinking about it now. And yeah, having my kid go to college and not having my sidekick there all the time scares me alot . There will be a hole. But there will be some exciting stuff on the horizons for me.
I'll reiterate what Mach40 most recently but so many others on the thread have mentioned...you're a wonderful mom. Being the primary and putting your daughter first for so long. She's lucky to have you.
But like you mention above...things will change drastically soon so I think you're smart to start thinking about what YOU want and what will make YOU happy going forward. Not that the parenting ever stops, but off at college vs. a baby through high school is a much different level of effort. Make sure you make yourself a priority.
Girl - if you want to have casual sex with hockey guy or anyone else and THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT, then go ahead. You’re a grown woman and sex is delightful. I think though that nobody wants to see you get hurt again by getting attached to a guy who is less invested in the relationship than you are.
As for hockey guy...kml summed it up nicely above.
Ginger1 - Not sure how you put up with dropping your daughter off at your Exs/OWs for so long. That must've caused you so much pain over the years. It still riles me up after a year or two. You must be a saint.
This was the first thanksgiving I had with D in 3 years. We stayed at the plaza hotel and went to the macy’s thanksgiving day parade ( my first time, actually) and got really close without waiting because my dad and his wife have their law enforcement badges. The weather was beautiful and it was really cool. We ate at their thanksgiving buffet which was crazy expensive ( all paid for by them) and my daughter ate rolls and prime rib because she eats nothing. Since I have been on my medication, I can barely eat, but I hit up the chilled seafood bar because I wanted my moneys worth. It was a really cool holiday. Last night we watched the hockey game in our room ( frustrating game) the best part was the bathroom and the nice bubble bath I had in the deep tub.
NGL, holidays are still rough. I love what they did for us, but man, I just wish we had that whole big family traditional thanksgiving dinner. We just have no family. We were home by 5 tonight and it was just D and I and she said “ I miss my family” I admittedly burst into tears ( PMS) as well. It’s because I get it. Her family( Cousins , aunt, uncle, grandmother, his wife’s parents) are all hanging out over there playing a game together and she’s not a part of it. And it’s hard for her, I get it. She felt bad and I felt bad, I just explained that I totally I stand and that’s why I got sad. She did ask me if we could try something new for thanksgiving starting next year where it’s her dads, but she will do dinner there and come home for dessert , and switch off each year. I said sure. Whatever makes her happy. I don’t want her to feel like she is missing out and there are certain things I simply cannot give her. And a big gathering with family isn’t one of them. It what it is. But I get it, because I am a 42 year old woman who craves and misses that myself.
I’m off tomorrow and D and I will be Christmas decorating . She will goto dads after dinner and I work Saturday at my second job. I can certainly use this money for Christmas presents and everything falling apart in my house, lol.
The exciting thing is my dad booked the our Christmas present. Going to Tampa and seeing our hickey team play. We will be getting hockey and sunshine in, it will be awesome .
The truth is the holidays just really still hurt inside. I’m not a saint. I still hurt . Not for the same reasons I did in the beginning, but for different ones. But tomorrow is a new day
Ginger, you are teaching your daughter some darn good things. She is very mature and aware of things.. Not sure the real benefit, except she sees family is important and definitely sees what you are doing is most important.
Not to take away, but both of my daughters came over after their shindig with their Momma, Grandpa and Aunt and Uncles. Ex texted and said " I hate that the family is broken like this" right after getting there for their big dinner, and her boyfriend was there too..
Life throws curve balls, and you have figure out how to knock it out of the park with your daughter. She will be a strong women due to your guidance..
Ginger1,
This was the first thanksgiving I had with D in 3 years. We stayed at the plaza hotel and went to the macy’s thanksgiving day parade
Plaza Hotel and Macy's Thanksgiving Parade sounds pretty cool! Glad you got to experience it with D!
NGL, holidays are still rough.
I hear you...
I just wish we had that whole big family traditional thanksgiving dinner.
it was just D and I and she said “ I miss my family” I admittedly burst into tears ( PMS) as well.
Her family( Cousins , aunt, uncle, grandmother, his wife’s parents) are all hanging out over there playing a game together and she’s not a part of it. And it’s hard for her, I get it.
I don’t want her to feel like she is missing out and there are certain things I simply cannot give her. And a big gathering with family isn’t one of them.
It's gotta be extra hard knowing not only don't you have the big family, but D does on the other side which has caused you so much pain and she misses it when she's with you. That's tough.
She felt bad and I felt bad, I just explained that I totally understand and that’s why I got sad.
I wouldn't worry about your reaction. It's legit feelings and emotions. She knows you weren't sad or upset because of her.
The exciting thing is my dad booked the our Christmas present. Going to Tampa and seeing our hickey team play. We will be getting hockey and sunshine in, it will be awesome .
Sounds fantastic! Certainly something to look forward to.
The truth is the holidays just really still hurt inside. I’m not a saint. I still hurt . Not for the same reasons I did in the beginning, but for different ones. But tomorrow is a new day
Yeah...I know what you mean. Hang in there.
Thanksgiving and Christmas are the worst, then New Years and Valentines throw daggers at your heart.
But, we will have body armor soon and these holidays will be just another day on the calendar..
Thank you for the kind words Mach, and you as well, BL. Valentine’s Day is fine for me, New Years is rough, so I usually work New Year’s Day, get my time and a half, and use it as an excuse to go to bed early. Sad, I know. This year it’s on a weekend. I’m not working New Year’s Day, but I did get invited to a party. We shall see if I decide to go .
Interesting weekend. I worked yesterday at my old job. I got to work with people I like and it wasn’t busy. There was this new hospice nurse who was covering and sitting with us . She told her her “story” ( people love to tell me their life story” a week before her 50th birthday this summer, her husband left her for a 32 year old. Together 18 years. He cheated 9 years ago. She gave him another chance. They never had kids. You could tell she’s still going through the “WTF”? I felt for her and shared a small part of my story that showed I understood. I try not to get all about myself when someone is talking about their problems.
I then met my single friend for a drink after work. She’s 60, but young at heart, for sure. She’s been through it all too. The guy she “sees” for years ditched her today. She had a family memeber who works for the jets get tickets to todays game for him. He ditched last minute. So she invited me. We tailgated and had a BLAST. Seats were lower level but covered, so we didn’t get rained on. Jets won. And we went to a bar in the stadium at the half. Long story I will keep short. Every where we go, she knows someone . She ran into her cousins ex BF( this cousins current husband got us the tickets) she asked me to sneak a picture of him, but I wasn’t very sneaky apparently. ( they had been talking at the bar) he was with his boys, who are all law enforcement. One guy saw wheat I did and called me out and we all ended up talking. And this one guy, very cute. Apparently found me very cute as well. He managed to get my number. I do realize, when I do go out, I do meet men. I just don’t go out that much , lol. For work, maybe, but not with single friends. It was actually flattering. Maybe he will ask me out. He did use my number and text me already.
My friend has taste in unavailable men like I do. She also gets really depressed around the holidays too. We are a good support for eachother and just get it
I can’t see myself back on dating apps. They were seriously soul crushing for me. Degrading almost. I’d rather do more activities and meet people organically. The world is open again. Join some clubs for activities that enjoy.
I still talk to hockey guy. We haven’t seen eachother. His schedule has been quite booked solid. He remains interested, but I know it’s only to a point. ( and I’m not talking only sex, but definitely not relationship). I have hard questions I need to ask myself. I think it is important that someone I date is someone that eventually will include me in other areas in his life. I don’t think that’s going to happen here and if it does, it won’t be for a long time.
But I don’t have to make any decisions about anything now. I honestly hope this guy I met will ask me out. I nee
I know I said I would butt out but I just wanted to make a point here about hockey guy. If you would have stuck to your word and were authentic with him you very likely would have gotten what you wanted eventually. It’s just like DBing it takes a lot of self control.
Make this new guy be a man and ask you out. You don’t need another text buddy.
I know I said I would butt out but I just wanted to make a point here about hockey guy. If you would have stuck to your word and were authentic with him you very likely would have gotten what you wanted eventually. It’s just like DBing it takes a lot of self control.
Make this new guy be a man and ask you out. You don’t need another text buddy.
Just had to make a point, huh?
Pretty typical LH. Can’t bite his tongue. The master of “I told you so”
Of course. You said what you just couldn’t but your tongue on. Silence until the next time
Hello Ginger
Please start a new thread.
D
I’m not working New Year’s Day, but I did get invited to a party. We shall see if I decide to go .
Go!
My friend has taste in unavailable men like I do.
"Like I do." Why is that?
I can’t see myself back on dating apps. They were seriously soul crushing for me. Degrading almost.
I thought you've had success OLD?
I’d rather do more activities and meet people organically. The world is open again. Join some clubs for activities that enjoy.
Definitely preferable to meet in person organically.
I have hard questions I need to ask myself.
What questions?
I think it is important that someone I date is someone that eventually will include me in other areas in his life.
Um...yeah.
I don’t think that’s going to happen here and if it does, it won’t be for a long time.
Why wouldn't it happen where you are? Is there something specific about the area, or just based on past results?