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Posted By: Ginger1 Up down and all around - 08/26/22 07:40 PM
Previous Thread:

Cheaters gonna cheat


Pretty much the limo sun of my life is the title
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 08/26/22 07:56 PM
Originally Posted by Mach1
This may hurt a bit.....





Originally Posted by Ginger1
So I’m freaking out a little. What if I hate it? I am not even afraid at failing at it. I’m just afraid I’m going to miss everyone and the patient contact and the joking around with the ruses on the unit .

I know, I know, I got what I want and I should be happy, but I am scared to get out of my comfort zone. I’m afraid to make a wrong decision. Afraid to take the small piece of stability out of my life. I’m just praying I am making the right decision. I just doubt myself too much.


You and I have talked about this off board quite a bit, and I feel like every time you get close to this, you run from it...

Why do you feel that you lack the self -confidence to self validate yourself, in almost every aspect of your life. ???

Why do you continuously seek that ever elusive approval ??

Cause until you can deal with 'her/them', you are always going to 'feel' this way....

Until you can find peace within yourself, you are never going to be comfortable enough to appreciate what you can be for yourself....



It's time G.....just F-ing do it already....

I can’t say it’s approval I seek. I think having to be solely responsible for every decision and outcome and never having somewhere to fall back on I’m terrified of making the wrong decision. So the validation I might seek is making the right decision. I need more trust in myself




Originally Posted by Ginger1
Some older guys bought me a beer and chatted. Then I went home and cried and cried and cried until my eyes swelled shut. I am 42 years old and this has become torture. I find someone that is awesome and he’s not ready. And I cannot find one decent person who isn’t a train wreck. And I think it’s making me a train wreck. I psychoanalyze every guy I meet. I don’t even know where to give concession to anymore. I don’t think I can ever trust a guy to make me feel safe and loved


You meet the same guy every couple weeks, in the same way, do the same things, feel the same way about the direction of things, say that you are going to follow the same rules, then break the same rules, it ends the same way, and you feel the same way afterward, and then group them into the same category, say you aren't going to date again, date again the next week...

Rinse , Later, Repeat...

And yet you don't see how any of this ties together...

It ALL stems from the validation issues and approval seeking that you crave and refuse to acknowledge.

You anal-ize them because internally, you are wanting for something to jump out at you and tell you that he is the one, or yep, she would approve, or yes, this(he) makes me feel good enough about myself to be confident...

Your answer to all of that , lies within yourself...

The scary part is that you have allowed yourself to become "okay" with all of that, because it's easier than facing yourself...



The problem that I have learned with online dating is.....that you can NEVER see the heart of the person...

Their conviction, morals, character, and what they are when the schidt hits the fan....

That ^^^ can't be encapsulated in a dating profile....swipe left, swipe right. ....bullsh!t...

Have we really been reduced as a society to judge anther person merely by this....sad actually...

So attraction is based on what you see, and what is presented. who cares if it is a profile picture from 5 years ago....

Seeing the heart of another person takes time to develop.

The connection, is what drives us to find out what the heart is....

And you cannot govern 'affairs of the heart' with "rules"...

So your attraction is based off of your eyes, and not your heart....

Yet, your FIRST attraction should be yourself....

What you posted up there ^^^ could have been any post from 2016. 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021 from you.....



When do you want this to end ???

Cause you are the only one that has the power to do so....

It’s an unfortunate
World right now. Meeting people off line is awfully difficult . I wish I could. It’s especially hard at this age when you don’t know who what when is single, married. Etc. I do t have time for regular club meet ups , etc.


Attraction for me is always at the heart. I mean, obviously, online, you get the visual first, personality second, heart, if you are lucky, somewhere down the line. I wish I could get to the heart first, lol. Conviction , moral, character, how does someone “start” there. It’s not possible unless you get fortunate to know someone in a group , activity, work. In the online world, you can’t possibly. I hate to say this, but there isn’t much of a other world for middle aged divorce adults these days to meet. I wish there was. I have met some great guys in the wild. Married and attached. All married or attached. Great humans though .

You know, I have been doing some reading today and there is a theme I have come across often. Just because you may not be in love with yourself, doesn’t mean you can’t be loved or find love. I’m not in love with myself. I’m ok with myself. I’m at peace with myself in my utter non-perfection . I’ll always have my “damage” which comes from childhood, my joke of a marriage and my dating experiences beyond. But they don’t determine how I feel about who I am. They don’t define me.
Posted By: kml Re: Up down and all around - 08/26/22 10:33 PM
Why can’t you love yourself, G? Different from being “in love” with yourself, which sounds narcissistic - but loving yourself, cherishing that wounded inner child of yours, patting yourself on the back for your bravery, your kindness, your success as a parent despite poor parenting yourself, your loving nature. Those are all things to love about yourself!

And about your “junk in the trunk” - seriously, you need to date more men of color!!!!!
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 08/27/22 12:10 AM
I am cool with myself. I am very proud of where I am and who I have become on my own. Statistics everyone loves probably would say I should be a drug addict or something . I’ve definitely done pretty well given my circumstances . I do love that about me, thank you .
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 08/27/22 12:13 AM
Haha! The white guys love the junk in my trunk. I have 2 noticeable physical assists. My eyes and my rear end. They get attention.
Posted By: Elbereth Re: Up down and all around - 08/27/22 01:11 AM
Hi G,

Congratulations on getting the job and for negotiating a bit more than they offered! I know you are afraid…sometimes getting out of your comfort zone is super scary. For me, the times that I took the leap on something that scared the crap out of me, the results were well worth it. And as you said, this job will look great on your resume for when you move. So if you don’t love it as much as the old one, then, that is not such a bad thing to get out of it.

I think the changes will be good. You need change to get out of this rut you might be in. You are bright and work hard and people like you so you will find a way to make it what you want it to be. I’m proud of you for going after it! Congratulations!

As for the dating, well, I think I said all I needed to say on my past post to you. Mix it up. Slow it down. Do video first dates to weed out losers like the last guy. That way you don’t spend too much time or energy on the ones not worth a real first date. Are you interested in another date? Then do one. If not, then that is your sign to stop seeing that person.

Sorry the stress of all the things got to you. I hope your trip fed your soul a bit.

El
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 08/27/22 10:50 PM
Thanks E! I’m getting excited and nervous it I did need to shake things up a bit. I really did love my job but it’s time to move forward.

As far as the guys, I have dated more than one at a time, well, at least spoke to a few guys at a time and went on early dates. It’s a bit distracting for me and I really don’t have time to do it. When I do it, it does help from getting invested on one, but also when I do that, once I like one more, the other one is gone. I also generally have sex with guys right away, believe it or not. Kind of seems that way, but I don’t. But i also don’t wait 15-20 dates, that’s like 6 months at the rate I get to see someone maybe 1-2 times a week! I definitely need a break from dating. It’s been extra rough out there lately. It makes me cringe now. Definitely not a good place to be in when dating.

I had a very nice time down by my cousins . Good food, nice beach, fun gambling . Won $700! Woot woot! Went to the outlets on my way home and bought myself a new purse for under $100. Almost snagged the sunglasses I’ve wanted, but I couldn’t bring myself to spend the money. D’s Bday is in 3 weeks and I got the cash for the gift she wants which is great. She’s coming home late tonight. I miss her, can’t wait to see her. And hear about the boys her and her BFF met. Lord help me.

And Mach, I was thinking, re: validation. I seek it and crave it on my big life decisions . It’s true. I’m afraid to fail and hear a big “ I told you so” . Validation from men is something I don’t need. I don’t want it. I couldn’t give a flying F about it actually. Maybe that’s what makes me seem closed off.

I’m struggling a little bit because my friends daughter was supposed to intern with me and is she can’t. I hope I’m it messing things up too badly. I’m terrified to break it to her, which I am shortly. I am going to see if I can get someone else to take her on. I hate messing this up for her, but I have to make this decision for me
Posted By: BL42 Re: Up down and all around - 08/27/22 11:21 PM
Ginger1,

Originally Posted by Ginger1
BL- I was one day late for the air show! I was supposed to be there but I couldn’t get the day off. They said it was awesome . My cousin has a house in ventnor by the beach. Where I happen to be again today . Her poor son broke both of his arms down here. He’s a trooper though. He loves the air show.
We couldn't view it from our beach but saw some incredible pictures friends posted online which made me wish I had taken the kids. S7 would've loved it.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I did negotiate and I got one 1% higher than they were offering. They admitted when you move internally it’s much harder to negotiate than when you come from the outside. Still more than I’m making now.
Nice! 1% is more than nothing. I think it's true that it's harder to negotiate internally. I have insight into salaries and am seeing people jump externally for WAY more money than the raises (or counters) they're getting internally. Something for you to think about in a year or two if you're ready for another move...

Originally Posted by Ginger1
She’s coming home late tonight. I miss her, can’t wait to see her. And hear about the boys her and her BFF met. Lord help me.
Is she dating yet? Yikes. That's gotta be scary for a parent! At least I have a decade to worry about that LOL

Glad you enjoyed the shore!
Posted By: Mach1 Re: Up down and all around - 08/31/22 06:35 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
You know, I have been doing some reading today and there is a theme I have come across often. Just because you may not be in love with yourself, doesn’t mean you can’t be loved or find love. I’m not in love with myself. I’m ok with myself. I’m at peace with myself in my utter non-perfection . I’ll always have my “damage” which comes from childhood, my joke of a marriage and my dating experiences beyond. But they don’t determine how I feel about who I am. They don’t define me.



I'm still not buying it G....

I think they are some great excuses for not facing yourself....

Yet, in the end, I think they are excuses....






Originally Posted by Ginger1
And Mach, I was thinking, re: validation. I seek it and crave it on my big life decisions . It’s true. I’m afraid to fail and hear a big “ I told you so” . Validation from men is something I don’t need. I don’t want it. I couldn’t give a flying F about it actually. Maybe that’s what makes me seem closed off.



This ??

I almost agree with...






If I were to say that validation closely follows approval..

What would you say then ??



You said the other day that you could see right through another poster...

And I am telling you, that after reading you for almost 15 years now....

I can see your behavioral patterns, and I know where you seek that validation/approval...

And that you DO give a flying F about it, and that is what makes you seem closed off...

By running from it, anytime it gets too close to you..

And I see how that bleeds over into other areas of your life....

So convince me that I am wrong again....
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/01/22 02:13 AM
Hahahaha! Yes, I still stand by that poster who I see through no matter how much smoke other people blow up his arse. Noticed he disappeared
And addressed nothing ? Yup.

But I’m here and I can address the truth. And you are right ( I am one of those people who can see others view points) my need for validation in areas of being afraid have failure has spilled over a bit. I do not need a guy to validate me to raise my self esteem. I am sure of that. Do I feel like sometimes I think given my track record SOMETHING must be making me undatable or unlovable? Absolutely. I have dug deep to figure out what is so “wrong “ with me. I’ve bettered myself and recognized my faults . Then I actually recognized I am still a lovable
Woman WITH my faults . Which are plenty. But it’s getting better. For a good amount of time , I figured something HAS to be wrong with me. But I’m slowly realizing no, that my worth isn’t tied to someone being able to love me or want to choose me.

As far as why I am closed off? While I don’t need the approval of another man? I guess I take the defensive route ( old habit from ex) and close myself off so he can’t reject me because of me. Because while it used to be so easy for me to be vulnerable, now it’s incredibly hard for these reasons.

So I won’t prove you wrong. And the longer I go on this path of it being “loved” by a romantic partner. The harder it becomes to keep my resolve of appreciating I am not unlovable or there is something inherently wrong with me. You are right. It’s not a normal validation I need. It’s a validation that I all my hard work is legit .

I’ll always appreciate rAw honesty. Thank you my friend.

I have told my department I’m leaving. And wow. A few actually shed tears as did I. My boss told me as a joke “you are dead to me” as a joke, but wrote a really beautiful email handing me over to my new department . My coworkers came to my office personally to congratulate me. I told the ruses on my unit today . They said “if this is a lateral move, we I’ll kill you. If this is a promotion we are happy for you, but it’s a great loss” it was humbling and sad at the same time . When I was going through my infertility struggle, my pregnancy and my devastating divorce, it was coworkers that kept my going .the only place I felt “normal” was at work. To speak to Mach, it was probably the only place I felt valued or worth a anything , whether by my coworkers or my patients. It was my validation and connection. I kept a decent amount of those coworkers as friends. I went through a few years after I left that job trying to make the single mom nurse full time career thing work with no family help in jobs where I didn’t have that value or those connections. And it was probably the worst times in my life. I made friends in this healthcare system at my first job 8 years ago I am still in touch with. I furthered my education to make it to the job in nursing I really wanted . I excelled at this position and made the connections to get me where I am today. It was really hard work. But it paid off. But today I realized how much the people in my hospital have become my family. I love them. I never dreaded a day going to work. I have connected with people at every level at my hospital . My social worker and I are like besties. The doctors in our hospital call us the “dream team” and tell us we are the best to work with. That we get stuff done and are incredibly knowledgeable and work so well together And I’m trying to top that. And that scares the everliving jesus out of me. I have it good. Rocking the boat is freaking me out so bad .but everyone has faith that I will be great at my new position and that while ot is their loss it is my new places gain.

I’m scared. I’m so scared. I’m giving up a lot for 6 % raise, a new challenge and experience on my resume. For people like me, who don’t have much, well, I value my work family more than the average person does . But their faith in me means so much .positive feedback I will excel, feedback that my presence will be missed and the work I do as well.

And then! I had the epiphany the other day when my ex congratulated me on my new job. Looks at what I have accomplished! I was 27 almost 38 and like a year into my new career and my life blew up . I had no help, I didn’t know how to take care of my tiny baby while working 14 hours night shifts. I struggled hard. I changed jobs to suit her needs. I was miserable. I was laid off . I was not the most present school mom due to my job demands. I got laid off again! And I got a job put me in this health system ( FYI, I am now the assistant manager of the care continuum at My states number one hospital! ) I went to back to school my daughter was young to make this goal. I don’t know how I did it sometimes. But I did. I am achieving my goals. And I realized how bad a$$ I am. I achieved most things in life against the odds. Nothing ever came to me easy and it was always with struggle and minimal support. Not many people can say that. And k am so proud of me. And my hope is my daughter sees one day all I have accidentally pushed when the odds were against me . A mother in and out of rehabs and mental institutions? My mother having a breakdown when my dad left the marriage when I was 17 and went back to her hard drug use! Yeah, this was to my choice in my ex. But I should be some drug addict right now. It instead I’m a stable mom for my daughter with a career who beats the odds . And that’s a lot to be proud of. And I am. There were so many days when I wished a I was dead. I kid you not. But here I am, alive. And not failing at life.

My love life doesn’t define me anymore. It only hurts me personally. I could have numerous “boyfriends” right now ( not a brag) but I won’t settle. But I could fess, there was something about this last guy. I miss him. It was so short and so sweet. But there was a serious something there and I think about him so much. I did reach out to him. Not to ask him back. I basically said nothing when he ended ended thing with me. I decided to say something . I just asked how his new place was. He sent me a picture of his new place and dog and told me how things went getting his stuff from his ex and how she thinks she might be using. I was open and vulnerable with him. I told him how I felt. My experience. And he was honest with me and told me how much he cared for me but he needs to be alone . He said he thinks about me often
Him I agree. I told him that for the beginning. I just needed to say my piece. I told him of when he was ready to date for real, hit me up, and maybe I’ll be available and we can talk.

He’s on my mind a lot. I can’t explain it. It stinks. But I’m not acting on it . But there is a few times I have TRULY felt something . He’s one of them. The last time was M and the time before that was Steve . Steve is now married to the woman he met while dating me! I’m pretty sure M is with someone . Firefighter is is married to the woman he met while he was dating me too. But that one I totally am happy for because he was too young for me. He got what he really needed .

I will sign off after this incredibly long painful post. But I had a patient today. Dying of lung cancer. It’s just him and his wife of 33 years. She told me it was both of their second marriages ‘. She told me how different it was the second time around. The perspective, of you chose to learn something from your second marriage, how fulfilling Yolir second marriage will be. She was shocked when I told her how old my kid was and how long I’ve been divorced. She look me dead in the eye and said “ when it’s meant to be, it will be. It’s in god’s time, not yours.” And I’m not a religious person. But it’s not on my timeline. It’s on the universes timeline . It was pretty emotional.

I’m going to be patient over here. Trust myself self. Trust the universe . I look at myself and I realize I am really not such a failure . So I’m just going to have some faith
Posted By: Mach1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/01/22 04:03 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Hahahaha! Yes, I still stand by that poster who I see through no matter how much smoke other people blow up his arse. Noticed he disappeared
And addressed nothing ? Yup.

Whether or not someone can walk the walk from their talking...

There is still a plethora of information that is now missing....

I hope said poster returns and does the 'for better or worse' of posting here....



Originally Posted by Ginger1
But I’m here and I can address the truth. And you are right ( I am one of those people who can see others view points) my need for validation in areas of being afraid have failure has spilled over a bit. I do not need a guy to validate me to raise my self esteem. I am sure of that. Do I feel like sometimes I think given my track record SOMETHING must be making me undatable or unlovable? Absolutely. I have dug deep to figure out what is so “wrong “ with me. I’ve bettered myself and recognized my faults . Then I actually recognized I am still a lovable
Woman WITH my faults . Which are plenty. But it’s getting better. For a good amount of time , I figured something HAS to be wrong with me. But I’m slowly realizing no, that my worth isn’t tied to someone being able to love me or want to choose me.

As far as why I am closed off? While I don’t need the approval of another man? I guess I take the defensive route ( old habit from ex) and close myself off so he can’t reject me because of me. Because while it used to be so easy for me to be vulnerable, now it’s incredibly hard for these reasons.

So I won’t prove you wrong. And the longer I go on this path of it being “loved” by a romantic partner. The harder it becomes to keep my resolve of appreciating I am not unlovable or there is something inherently wrong with me. You are right. It’s not a normal validation I need. It’s a validation that I all my hard work is legit .

I’ll always appreciate rAw honesty. Thank you my friend.



Loveable, is subjective in terms....and only interpreted by the "reader"

What you may feel as loveable, future perspective partners may not...

It's the acceptance of that , that matters...

And that's where you seem to have issues.

The seeking of approval, that your version of loveable is acceptable, is where the conflict seems to lie.

And the contortionist act to blend in and BE accepted steals your mojo.

And that comes through in an intimate setting as a lack of confidence from you.

Yes, you may know it and recognize that, but how deeply do you feel that and project that confidence ?

And until you address the root of the weed, it's always gonna grow back...






Originally Posted by Ginger1
I am achieving my goals. And I realized how bad a$$ I am. I achieved most things in life against the odds. Nothing ever came to me easy and it was always with struggle and minimal support. Not many people can say that. And k am so proud of me. And my hope is my daughter sees one day all I have accidentally pushed when the odds were against me . A mother in and out of rehabs and mental institutions? My mother having a breakdown when my dad left the marriage when I was 17 and went back to her hard drug use! Yeah, this was to my choice in my ex. But I should be some drug addict right now. It instead I’m a stable mom for my daughter with a career who beats the odds . And that’s a lot to be proud of. And I am. There were so many days when I wished a I was dead. I kid you not. But here I am, alive. And not failing at life.

Good place for a shovel right there.....



Originally Posted by Ginger1
My love life doesn’t define me anymore.

I disagree....I think it totally defines you...


Originally Posted by Ginger1
It only hurts me personally. I could have numerous “boyfriends” right now ( not a brag) but I won’t settle. But I could fess, there was something about this last guy. I miss him. It was so short and so sweet. But there was a serious something there and I think about him so much. I did reach out to him. Not to ask him back. I basically said nothing when he ended ended thing with me. I decided to say something . I just asked how his new place was. He sent me a picture of his new place and dog and told me how things went getting his stuff from his ex and how she thinks she might be using. I was open and vulnerable with him. I told him how I felt. My experience. And he was honest with me and told me how much he cared for me but he needs to be alone . He said he thinks about me often
Him I agree. I told him that for the beginning. I just needed to say my piece. I told him of when he was ready to date for real, hit me up, and maybe I’ll be available and we can talk.

He’s on my mind a lot. I can’t explain it. It stinks. But I’m not acting on it . But there is a few times I have TRULY felt something . He’s one of them. The last time was M and the time before that was Steve . Steve is now married to the woman he met while dating me! I’m pretty sure M is with someone . Firefighter is is married to the woman he met while he was dating me too. But that one I totally am happy for because he was too young for me. He got what he really needed .

Because it would have really cool if you could have just said...

That's too bad, because I think you are missing out on something really good....


And walked away without regret, because you meant it in your heart....



Originally Posted by Ginger1
I’m going to be patient over here. Trust myself self. Trust the universe . I look at myself and I realize I am really not such a failure . So I’m just going to have some faith


I hope you can actually get there...

Cause it's pretty a F-ing cool place to be....
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/02/22 12:15 AM
Mach my buddy!

I have to be totally honest here. I am not exactly sure what you are saying. That I’m trying to be someone I’m not in order to be “lovable?” I come off as closed off because I try to play down the full version of me ?
Posted By: Mach1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/02/22 01:11 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Mach my buddy!

I have to be totally honest here. I am not exactly sure what you are saying. That I’m trying to be someone I’m not in order to be “lovable?” I come off as closed off because I try to play down the full version of me ?


I'm not saying you are trying to be somebody you aren't.

I'm saying that you spend an exorbitant amount of time worrying about whether you are loveable or not to the person that you are with.


Enough that you sacrifice your own thoughts and values in that process..

You become 'closed' off to yourself, and instead of just being you...

You twist yourself into something that you are not....

>>>Example<<<

A few years back....

You and your new BF were driving down to SC. We had talked about it, and you had said that you wanted to stop and grab a coffee with me and K...You were gonna text when you were close and we were going to meet.

Everything was what we discussed right up to the point where I didn't hear from you for another 2 weeks.

When I asked you if you were at least okay, you responded with ...

Well, BF didn't want to do this, and he wanted to do that. I'm sorry we didn't stop, cause I really wanted to meet up.

Where were you, if you really wanted to ?



When K asked if I had heard from you, I told her no.

Her response was...

Well, She's getting laid now, so we might not hear from her for a while... : )



Now...

I don't need an answer for that, and I am in no way pi$$ed about it not happening...

It's just an example about how this goes for you.

And when I say that you are closed off, it's because....

You close yourself off from you....

You shut down your values and your view of yourself, and allow the relationship to define who you are.

And you seek that approval, and validation that you are still you, because you gave yourself away,...

And when 'you' are gone, you question whether or not you are loveable....

And in that process, you want your partner to validate that you are loveable, and reassure you that you are loveable..

When all of that, needs to project FROM you, not him projecting it onto you....



How many times over the years, when you start dating someone, have I given you the same advice ??

Just be YOU...

Don't define it, or name what it is...

Just be YOU....

What did you think that I meant when I said that ????
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/02/22 03:47 PM
I honestly didn’t know what you meant. Now I do smile

I agree with some of your observations. I think what you describe USED to be me. Not so much anymore. I learned a lot and changed a lot, especially since that guy way back when.

Truth be told, I never dated. I married the first guy I did and that wasn’t even normal dating. Then throw a single mother into the dating world for the first time, coming out of a toxic/relationship marriage. Can you say complicated?!? At the internet, social media, this forum, and I never had a clue. And I’ve learned as I have went along.

I spent a lot of time making sure my ex was “happy” spending time with his friends and his likes. I didn’t really know how to be a “girlfriend” how to maintain yourself and build a relationship. I think I’ve gotten pretty good at maintaining myself. Since M, I haven’t sacrificed myself. I haven’t lost my values. I haven’t “left” myself. I am not abandoning my values. Im not trying to be “lovable “ anymore. Im just very guarded. I come off as bitchy because I don’t want to let anyone in. Or I have thoughts from other voices saying red flag, red flag! This is perfect, that isn’t perfect, run or protect yourself!” I used to give way too much grace to flaws, now I give barely any and that’s bad. Im freaked out by what I see and encounter out there, TBH.

And I would like to speak to the SC situation. I have a fatal flaw, that’s for sure. I still have to an extent. Not being able to say “no” I say yes to everything . Some of it is Overcommiting myself so I can find a way to make everything happen so that everyone is happy. I still do it. I don’t know how to say no. Or I am scared too. So I apologize for that. It’s not fair to others. We just wanted to get down there and back. Not because he wanted to and I was going along with him. It was also because I wanted to. Also, I have fear of introducing guys to friends. I have a fear of introducing them and they are gone. Actually, that particular guy had a problem with the fact I never brought him around my friends. So yea, still actively working on saying “no” when I truly can’t make something happen, instead of trying to fit everything in.

I am much much better. I really am. I don’t give much of myself to anyone anymore and it’s hurting me. Not as much as giving everything . But I have actually overcompensated.

My morals and values are intact. I don’t give myself up to anyone or anything anymore. I really don’t. I used to, that’s for sure.

I haven’t lost me. I used to think I am a fake cause of my low self esteem. I’m the social world and world , I’m respected and very well- liked . My brain would say “ how can that be? “ now it says “it’s because you are you and you are a pretty cool stand -up smart person” I can make friends nearly anywhere I go. And it’s not because I’m someone I am not. It’s because it’s who I am
Posted By: kml Re: Up down and all around - 09/02/22 06:01 PM
G -
You’re doing great. But I look forward to the day when your natural response to the men you’re dating is not “will he like me?” but “is he worthy of me?”

Like you, I’m a nurturer, and I had a history of pursuing unavailable men. I thought my exH was the exception, as he pursued me in the beginning, but I was mistaken. It probably would have been better for that relationship if I had expected more from him.

CMM taught me what it was like to be in a relationship with someone who was putting in the same effort as I was. I want that for you. Someone who delights in you and treats you like a goddess. Someone who returns the care and effort you put into a relationship. But to have that, you have to believe that you are worth it, and need to turn your attention away from those unavailable men.
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/03/22 02:44 AM
Originally Posted by kml
G -
You’re doing great. But I look forward to the day when your natural response to the men you’re dating is not “will he like me?” but “is he worthy of me?”

Like you, I’m a nurturer, and I had a history of pursuing unavailable men. I thought my exH was the exception, as he pursued me in the beginning, but I was mistaken. It probably would have been better for that relationship if I had expected more from him.

CMM taught me what it was like to be in a relationship with someone who was putting in the same effort as I was. I want that for you. Someone who delights in you and treats you like a goddess. Someone who returns the care and effort you put into a relationship. But to have that, you have to believe that you are worth it, and need to turn your attention away from those unavailable men.

Thank you. I really really do believe I am worth the effort I put in. It’s half the reason why I’m still single. I haven’t found it yet. And it’s not because I’m not worth it. I am. And I do believe it.

I was chatting with my friend at work, she says “ I don’t understand why you are still single. You are just an awesome person. I said part jokingly, part serious , “ most men just can’t handle my level of awesomeness. And that is also kind of true. I am a tall order. I won’t minimize myself anymore. I think I can be a bit intimidating.

In other news…… I feel like I’m moving away from my family across the country. My work peeps are like my family. People are actually really sad I’m leaving. I’m really sad too. I can’t quite explain it, but when my ex left, work was the only place I felt normal. It was a different job at the time, but I was close with my coworkers. That was always the chance I had to be around other adults. Work. When you have a baby at home and no adults every come home, work is a refuge.

Same now. Work, my friends there, they are my constant. I don’t have much family and I don’t have any adults that come home to me. We have gotten really really really close. I’m really going to miss seeing these people every day. And well, speak of validation, I am humbled by how many people are truly upset I won’t be there anymore.

I know it seems stupid to make such a big deal out of a job. But my work has always been much more than a job to me, like I explained. Work is my family, I know that might sound sad, but it’s true. And nurses, well, we have a special bond. I am sure these friendships will continue.

Next weekend I am going to a beer fest with / work friends. Looking forward to that. I have dinner plans. Another nurse on the floor is leaving and we are going out Wednesday. I think they are planning something for me as well.

And D’s Bday is coming . The day the 3 of us spend together. I’m happy this year it’s a weekday so it’s really just a dinner . Not a day of activity and dinner. I just have barely looked him in the eye since this all happened .

Nothing planned for the holiday weekend. I’m cool with that. I’m D’s chauffeur tomorrow and she babysits tomorrow night and is with her dad Sunday through halfway Monday. Because school is Tuesday and I have to do straighten her hair, lol. A sophomore, lord help me.

BL- no she isn’t dating yet. She does have a very slight interest in boys, but she is such an innocent kid. At 15, the thought of alcohol and drugs are evil and she hasn’t even held hands with a boy. And she is a really beautiful girl ( I might be a little biased). I maybe have another year to go before I really have to worry. She’s all about friends and I’m happy with that. The friend she went to the carnival with tonight is a very smart sweet girl who’s parents are rich and both doctors and very into her studies. Thank god. I think the universe knows I couldn’t handle crazy teenage antics
Posted By: uRworthy Re: Up down and all around - 09/05/22 08:48 PM
Hey sweetie. Ok, so, you know I love you. So does Mach. It is why we want to see you happy. I have no doubt that you are proud of yourself for what you have accomplished and for raising such an amazing girl.

Having said that...why are you so shocked at how people are reacting to your leaving your job? Why is it so hard to believe...given how well you are at it and the relationships you are formed?

Aside from that...you know a lot of my story. Alcoholic mom who crushed my soul. Not her fault in that she was broken, but, nonetheless those were the results. Raised my baby sister alone because dad was passive and checked out. Had police at the house, mom arrested numerous times, almost taken away by DYFS, alcoholic violent brother...and on it goes. She didn't choose to end her life as yours did so I am in no way comparing. I then married a man who continued to make me feel as she did..unworthy, useless, not enough.

At some point, I had to truly know in my heart that they were wrong.... in order to survive and thrive. I had to own that how they treated me and what they said wasn't true. It had to do with how they felt about themselves projected on me.

When you really and truly feel that deep down in your soul...you are there.

The fact that you reached out to this last guy one last time tells me you aren't. He said what he did about no needing to be in a relationship and you needed to hear it, right?

But you were hoping that the phone call would either give you closure or have him rethink his decision. I know you are going to say that wasn't it, but, I think it was. You did it with most of the others.

That doubt, that needing the validation that it wasn't you, is what I think Mach is trying to get you to see.

I would be sad if someone ended something with me and would think about my possible contribution to them deciding that. But once I came to realize that it wasn't anything on my end that I did purposefully, they wouldn't hear from me.

One of the most important things I learned from this journey..is to try to hear people. I mean really hear them. The other thing I learned is that if someone doesnt want to be with me...it is their loss. Not because I am so great...but, because I am true to who I am. If that doesnt suit someone, then, I shouldnt be in his life.

I think you believe that you dont need someone, but, it isnt how you come across in your words. There is a huge difference between needing and wanting. When we want someone in our lives, it is because we know who we are and what we bring to the table. It is when we are confident that we have value.

The fact that you think it is you, that you may have said or done something or that there is something wrong with you is what isnt good.

And you do feel that. You have written those exact words. And that comes across to them whether you realize it or not.

I would like to see you not say you should have been a drug addict due to your upbringing. I should have been too, then. I dont say that though because it negates all the hard work I put into me. I should be exactly who I am. Otherwise I am putting all the power in my mother's and ex-husbands hands. It doesnt belong there. I belongs in me.

Understand that I am not minimizing at all what you have been thru. I could not imagine losing my mother at a young age and getting divorces while pregnant. The fact that you made it through that is amazing and should be celebrated by you living your life knowing that you are enough.

That's where your power lies. Knowing in your heart that any guy would be truly lucky to be with you. It is knowing that you are amazing and wonderful and if you find someone that see that then lucky him.

We all like to be told good things about ourselves. It's nice. But your true validation comes from within you.

So proud of you for going for that job. Make it a new step in your life. One that you feel you deserve because you are great.

Let it also be the first step in how you feel about relationships. You can bring so much to someone's life because you are you.

I have been telling you for a long time to try something different. Wait before you sleep with them. Have the mindset that you dont need them...you want to share something with them. You say that you are closed off but yet you go all in in so many ways. Let it develop slowly.

Always rooting for you, my friend... with love.
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/06/22 01:32 AM
Just journaling over here.

D’s first day of sophomore year is tomorrow . I have no idea where that time went. She modeled her outfit a bunch of different ways until she was happy. I gotta say, she is one pretty girl. The other day she told me when she went to walk the dog some guy honked at her. I wanted to hunt him down and…… I have been fortunate to see her off on her very first day of school ever. Her dad never took the day off to do the same. I do send him pics though .

She did tell me when I checked in with her that she “forgot “ about the stuff she knew about her dad and doubts what she saw was correct. Sigh. I warned her it might come out. I hope it will happen after she leaves for college . That man will get away with everything forever . But it is what it is. I’m trying to keep her in reality without freaking her out.

I had a new recent PR today of #115 for 4 reps on my bench. Im getting there. I went for a 15 mi trail bike ride Saturday. Getting my activity in, that’s for sure. Feels good. I love the outdoors.

A coworker and I were talking about raising kids. She’s married. She feels bigger kids, the harder it is. I actually feel it’s easier! When you are a single parent, especially from the beginning with no help….. I couldn’t leave the house without a child in tow. If I need something from the grocery store, it wasn’t leave the kid with my spouse….. it was pack up the kid, no matter what weather. Everything I did, my eyes were on a baby, a toddler, a preschooler…… it was tough 24/7! Now I can go, bike ride for a few hours and come home. I can run to the store. I can see some friends. Go to the gym. Because she is a good kid. These years are so much easier for me! The k my time I didn’t have my kid when she was a baby was when I was working night shift. It was Really hard. So yeah, I’m enjoying these years where I don’t have to keep my eyes on her 24/7.
Easier years for me for sure. I earned them.

Tomorrow after work I’m getting my hairs done. And she will be fine. Dinner is made already. We will talk about her day when I get home.

Next week is her B day. A few celebrationsz on her bday me and her dad will take her shopping ( her favorite activity) and then then one of the eat pizza places in our state. He said he doesn’t “feel like getting the cake she wants” and asked if I could. I said “ sure” whatever .

Beginning of the busy fall season. Pep rally for cheerleading Friday. I can’t wait to see what she taught the little kids. She’s a coach now! Yeah, every year I wish I had a partner for the fall season. One year I did. It was awesome . Best time in our relationship. Anyways I will make it a good one
Posted By: Traveler Re: Up down and all around - 09/06/22 02:14 AM
Good update.

Originally Posted by Ginger
I had a new recent PR today of #115 for 4 reps on my bench. Im getting there. I went for a 15 mi trail bike ride Saturday. Getting my activity in, that’s for sure. Feels good. I love the outdoors.
4x115# bench is a significant PR--and 15mi on the same day! Props.

Originally Posted by Ginger
So yeah, I’m enjoying these years where I don’t have to keep my eyes on her 24/7.
I remember weekends wearing a 2y/o while chasing after a 6y/o at a local amusement park! I agree the teen years can be much easier for us single parents than those single-digit years.
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/10/22 01:21 AM
Well. Life has been very busy and is only
Getting busier. Some days I don’t know which end is up. I’m not sleeping, which is not good, I hope that gets better soon. It’s really just a lot on my mind right now keeping me awake. So many moving parts and changes and it hurts my brain.

So I found out yesterday the other assistant manager at my job is moving to FL. The good part about that is my new boss asked me if I would rather manage what I have been hired for ( utilization review piece) or take the discharge planner role. Discharge planning is definitely my strong suit and I find it way more interesting, ( lots of problem solving, which I’m good at) so I chose that. The bad news is, management of that department is all new, including my boss ( I know her from my current hospital, but she’s new to the role). Work will be a challenge, but I’m ready for it.

I went out the other night for another nurse leaving on my unit and it was a lot of fun. Such a great crew. Everyone’s favorite doctor came out and I told him I was leaving as well and he said “ all the smart funny people are leaving” they will still invite me out, I know it. I also believe my coworkers are planning something me on the 21st.

I decided to take a break from social media. It’s been good. I realized I am just always scrolling and some things I see sometimes seriously just doesn’t make me feel good. I am busy for sure, but at night I’m lonely for adult company. And sadly enough, social media doesn’t make you feel so alone. It’s like someone else there. It’s pathetic, but it’s true. But I’m too addicted to mindlessly scrolling. So it’s gone for now. Might just log on to give my D a happy birthday on the gram. She likes that. So, I went to the book store, decided to focus on reading again, it was always my favorite relaxing hobby. Lots of projects around the house to do when I have energy. I just need to get back to basics .

Lots of other deep thinking lately at 2am. I wish more than anything I didn’t care about being single. About not having that kind of intimacy in my life. I don’t want to want it anymore. But I am just human and it’s been tooooooo many years and I miss the Emotional intimacy so much. But I’m not finding it, and I’m becoming emotionally wrecked as I try to find it. I’m working on accepting I may not get it. It has not been easy. But I don’t really have a other choice . Some days carrying everything is just too much alone. I’ve been crying more often than I care too.

I have a friend at work who is divorced for like 5 years now. She has a boyfriend of nearly 2 years, but they haven’t involved their kids and don’t see eachother often . Her ex husband keeps going back to drugs. She is raising 2 daughters alone. One is pretty ungrateful. And she just puts those kids before anything all the time. We decided we are going to move in together, lol. We were joking around, but seriously, it would be awesome. More single parents should move in together. My D used to watch a Tv show on the Disney channel like that, and it just made so much sense .

D will be 15 next week. I am amazed I made it this far, lol. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it.
Posted By: BL42 Re: Up down and all around - 09/11/22 01:58 PM
Ginger1,

Originally Posted by Ginger1
She did tell me when I checked in with her that she “forgot “ about the stuff she knew about her dad and doubts what she saw was correct. Sigh. I warned her it might come out. I hope it will happen after she leaves for college . That man will get away with everything forever . But it is what it is. I’m trying to keep her in reality without freaking her out.
Seemed like a pretty significant item which you wouldn't just "forget". Do you think she might just not want to deal with it (understandable for a teenager not having to deal with adult problems) or is it possible what she saw wasn't as significant as what she thought?
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/11/22 07:48 PM
BL, yeah, I think she just doesn’t want to deal with it. If things feel fine and normal it’s better to ignore it I imagine. And she only deals every other weekend and one night a week. And that one night a week is dinner, maybe playing a card game and bed. If she was there more often I think it would bother her more.

We were driving to and from the dentist yesterday and chatting. We began talking about my new job. She said to me “dad was kind of upset you didn’t tell dad about your promotion personally” I told her when she was on vacation with him and I figured she would tell him. She did and another time he came on FaceTime to congratulate me. Apparent he also mentioned how he told me personally when he became Sargent .

I dunno, he is just not the person I want to tell my good/bad news to. He hasn’t been that person for quite some time now
Posted By: kml Re: Up down and all around - 09/11/22 08:32 PM
He’s creepy.
Posted By: BL42 Re: Up down and all around - 09/11/22 11:22 PM
Ginger1,
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I dunno, he is just not the person I want to tell my good/bad news to. He hasn’t been that person for quite some time now
Unless a notification for change of employer/job is explicitly written into the divorce agreement, you are under no obligation whatsoever to share this information with ExH.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
She said to me “dad was kind of upset you didn’t tell dad about your promotion personally” I told her when she was on vacation with him and I figured she would tell him.
IMO, it's alright to tell your daughter the above as opposed to making an excuse about going through her because they were on vacation - it's maybe a little thing but would model to her you stick up for yourself and boundaries as opposed to feeling obligated to do something just because it otherwise upset ExH.
Posted By: job Re: Up down and all around - 09/12/22 02:41 PM
I agree w/BL42....you do not need to tell him your employment and/or personal business unless it directly affects child support, relocating, etc. w/your daughter. It is none of his business. He gave that right up long ago w/the divorce.

Ginger, set your boundaries w/respect to your xh. He does not need to know your business.
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 01:03 AM
Today my D turned 15 years old. I cannot believe that she is 15 . I stayed up last night and decorated because she still loves waking up to her balloons and fan fare. Her dad and I were supposed to take her to dinner tonight, but instead he brought dinner to us and we hung out, ate, played cards, and had cake. I know certain people want to make fun of me for doing this . But it’s her birthday, it makes her happy and I’m fine with it. The only thing that hit me a bit was this morning when I sent a picture to him he said “ I can’t believe beautiful OUR daughter is. He’s never called her our daughter. I guess it’s always been my daughter and his daughter. For 14 years and 6 months we have been raising her separately. Not like the husband and wife who went through IVF to have their baby. Just 2 people who each have a kid who happens to be the same kid. But that feeling I got over super fast. Tomorrow night is dinner with my dad and his wife and her bestie.

I was thinking about a back and forth on another posters thread about how there is a “wrong” way and a “right” way to date. I don’t think that’s true. And just because I am single doesn’t mean I’m “wrong” honestly, I don’t think I am doing anything wrong. For a few years now I went on a lot of first and second dates that went no where. Just dating. No chance to even “mess” things up. These people weren’t for me, and I wasn’t for them. I called myself “exclusive” after a few dates with someone. Big deal. I didn’t date anyone else at the same time. Certainly wasn’t down the downfall. I didn’t commit to him. No love lost. For some people, they can focus on a bunch of people. Other people can’t and it clouds their feelings. All of us are different and none of us are wrong. Some of us are just mean.

I am single. I am single not because I’m bad at dating or violating “rules” I am single because I haven’t found my match. Is it a longer period of time than everyone else? Sure. But I never had 50:50 custody or parents who could help or a conventional job. I literally couldn’t date for so long. No, I never had a night in shining armor swoop in and want to love me and my daughter. It didn’t happen. And not because I’m broken or I date wrong” simply because it didn’t happen.
I will likely be single for at least the next few years or even perhaps forever. But in my heart I know it’s not because I’m defective. I’m great just as I am. Always room to improve but I am really happy with who I am, how I treat others , and I am getting better at treating myself the way I truly deserve
Posted By: LH19 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 12:57 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Today my D turned 15 years old. I cannot believe that she is 15 .
Happy belated birthday to little G
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Her dad and I were supposed to take her to dinner tonight, but instead he brought dinner to us and we hung out, ate, played cards, and had cake. I know certain people want to make fun of me for doing this . But it’s her birthday, it makes her happy and I’m fine with it.

I think everyone should strive for this relationship with their ex. For some people it is too soon. You have had 14 years I would be shocked if you weren't in this place.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I was thinking about a back and forth on another posters thread about how there is a “wrong” way and a “right” way to date. I don’t think that’s true.
I agree. Do what works. If something isn't working change it up.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
And just because I am single doesn’t mean I’m “wrong” honestly, I don’t think I am doing anything wrong.
Well establishing rules and breaking these rules that were established for a reason I would categorize as "wrong". No?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
For a few years now I went on a lot of first and second dates that went no where. Just dating. No chance to even “mess” things up. These people weren’t for me, and I wasn’t for them.
Yep. These while frustrating are good practice.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I called myself “exclusive” after a few dates with someone. Big deal. I didn’t date anyone else at the same time.
Nothing wrong with exclusivity. Why label it? Why not slowly just get to know someone?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
For some people, they can focus on a bunch of people. Other people can’t and it clouds their feelings. All of us are different and none of us are wrong.
I agree.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Some of us are just mean.
Yep I would think DNJ would agree with you.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I am single. I am single not because I’m bad at dating or violating “rules” I am single because I haven’t found my match.
I agree with you. Your rules violations just bring you more pain.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I will likely be single for at least the next few years or even perhaps forever. But in my heart I know it’s not because I’m defective. I’m great just as I am. Always room to improve but I am really happy with who I am, how I treat others , and I am getting better at treating myself the way I truly deserve
Forever seems like a mighty long time.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 01:45 PM
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Some of us are just mean.
Yep I would think DNJ would agree with you.
Spit take.
Good one, LH
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 02:11 PM
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Some of us are just mean.
Yep I would think DNJ would agree with you.
Spit take.
Good one, LH

DnJ isn’t exactly the Mr. Nice he would like everyone to believe. But he’s doing a good job of snowing people . It’s easy with words on a forum to be nice or mean.

I stand by everything in this situation. And LH agrees offline.
Posted By: AndrewP Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 02:16 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I am single.
I was chewing on this for a bit this morning.

You aren't really an outlier although perhaps it may look like it. There's a number of single mothers of my acquaintance who have been single for quite a few years. I can't speak for them, but the impression I get is that finding a partner is pretty far down their priority list compared to being a Mom and human being.
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 02:18 PM
Out of curiosity, what is the difference between labeling exclusive and being exclusive. What changes so much if you use the word or don’t use the word? BTW, I wasn’t the one who labeled it. And it was literally the only time in years this has happened that I’ve said it or have been exclusive with anyone.

And I violated a rule I had sent once. I dated a guy who wasn’t legally divorced. It was painful, but it was once.

You keep portraying me as repeat offenders of the situations when I’ve done it once. I haven’t dated anyone just separated ever. Just this once. Don’t plan on doing it again. So “keep” doing these things when I’ve done it once seems a bit of a stretch
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 03:20 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Some of us are just mean.
Yep I would think DNJ would agree with you.
Spit take.
Good one, LH

DnJ isn’t exactly the Mr. Nice he would like everyone to believe. But he’s doing a good job of snowing people . It’s easy with words on a forum to be nice or mean.

I stand by everything in this situation. And LH agrees offline.
Really G? Do you know DnJ personally, offline?
Whether he is or isn't Mr. Nice, I was more than a little taken aback by your attack on him. I somehow expected better of you.
Posted By: Dawn70 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 03:44 PM
Let me say this in my best teacher voice: right or wrong really only applies to answers on a test. In real world applications, right or wrong is subjective and we aren’t “graded” on it though it can feel like that at times.

As I say all the time, everyone has to do what works best for them. I am and always have been a one at a time kind of girl and I don’t want to date 3 or 4 at once. Some could argue that was because I didn’t have the opportunity but honestly, it just doesn’t work for me. It is messy for me. Can other people do it? Sure and more power to them if they can.

At the end of the day, G, you are a fantastic person with so much to offer and when the time is right, you’ll find love. I know the waiting [censored]. Believe me, Lord, how I know. Lol
Posted By: LH19 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 03:45 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Out of curiosity, what is the difference between labeling exclusive and being exclusive. What changes so much if you use the word or don’t use the word? BTW, I wasn’t the one who labeled it. And it was literally the only time in years this has happened that I’ve said it or have been exclusive with anyone.

And I violated a rule I had sent once. I dated a guy who wasn’t legally divorced. It was painful, but it was once.

You keep portraying me as repeat offenders of the situations when I’ve done it once. I haven’t dated anyone just separated ever. Just this once. Don’t plan on doing it again. So “keep” doing these things when I’ve done it once seems a bit of a stretch

Look G like you said there is no right in wrong in the dating world. If you want to go on 3 or 4 dates a week in the beginning, label it and have deep intimate convos that is your call. I am just asking when is the last time you kept it light, wasn't so available and just got to know someone slowly?

The frustrating part is you know these things are not right. You call CW on it all the time. But for some reason when you do it every excuse in the book comes out.

As for the Bent thread I went back and read it today and you attacked me because I encouraged him to see both girls until he developed feelings for girl number 2.
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 03:54 PM
This is kind of hilarious.

Disagreeing is now “attacking”

DnJ “attacked” me and my morals on my thread. I guess I “attacked” his self righteousness and how he gets off on being everyone’s favorite and doing zero self work, but instead spending that time psycho analyzing and judging his ex wife and others. I surely hope he is different offline. I’m happy to be dead wrong in this situation.

LH, i “attacked you “ by explaining that perhaps his strong feelings for another woman is preventing him from having feelings for another woman, which admitted is a possibility. Then you came in and said “ DONT STOP HHH” so I guess that was an “attack” too, huh?

Man, am I vicious
Posted By: AndrewP Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 04:18 PM
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Posted By: LH19 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 04:18 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Thanks Mr, know it all. You get one girlfriend and are now the master and guru.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Never. I don’t do egotistical
These were both personal attacks directed right at me.

You are triggered by the following:
HHHing
"My kids come first"
Men dating multiple women at the same time

You are a cyber bully and I am thinking about reporting you to Job and Cadet.
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 04:20 PM
Report me, please. I beg you .
Posted By: LH19 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 04:25 PM
I got reported for less.

I said your behavior is borderline psychopathic and you should be tested for Aspergers.
Posted By: kml Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 04:26 PM
G- you've done a heroic job making peace with your terrible ex for the sake of your child. I admire that - I couldn't have done it.

As for people judging your dating choices - nobody here is in your shoes. I think you've done a great bit of self-examination, and are prepared to be a great partner to the right guy when he appears.
Posted By: kml Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 04:34 PM
PS - G, for giggles look on youtube for "Kim Young Kwang washed Jin Ki Joo's hands" - only the Koreans could make a hospital handwashing scene sexy.Now I smile every time I wash my hands at the office!
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 05:09 PM
Originally Posted by LH19
I got reported for less.

I said your behavior is borderline psychopathic and you should be tested for Aspergers.

I’m pretty sure you have gone off the deep end.

But please, “attack” me by calling me borderline psychotic. Because not only are you a dating guru ( another attack!) you are are a medical professional who has diagnosed me. If everyone only knew what you say offline.

Again, report me if you think I am psychotic and a cyber bully for calling saying now you are a dating guru now you have a girlfriend.

If you feel reporting me is called for and appropriate I think you should follow through. Seriously. Stand up for what you feel is right and protect yourself from my cyber bullying and attacks
Posted By: pinn Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 05:23 PM
I’m pretty sure that was a joke….
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 05:26 PM
Originally Posted by kml
G- you've done a heroic job making peace with your terrible ex for the sake of your child. I admire that - I couldn't have done it.

As for people judging your dating choices - nobody here is in your shoes. I think you've done a great bit of self-examination, and are prepared to be a great partner to the right guy when he appears.


Thanks KML. I feel like I’ve really made some huge improvements. And the point of my post was that I am at peace at where I am. I’ve evaluated, changed, modified, and I am truly at peace that I am a worthy partner, and a partner should be worthy of me as well. I am at peace knowing that I have seen some error examined it, and did work. One thing I am never afraid to do is look deep and work hard to change things.

I’m simply done letting my single status define wrong or right in what I do or how I do things. I guess as it’s been mentioned, I might have finally figured out how my relationship status of either single or taken doesn’t make me good or bad or wrong or right . And even when you do learn and change things and still get the same result ( I’m still single) it still doesn’t mean “I” am doing something wrong
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 07:01 PM
You’re angry at DnJ because he pointed out that legally the hockey guy was still married and that you broke your own rule and that you may want to check that. You are the one who said he attacked you and your morals. That’s been pointed out to you before and you ignored it in favor of attacking him, not disagreeing. You’re angry because in violating your own rule you got hurt, and I think it’s you who are judging yourself but you won’t own that. D is just a convenient target.

Regardless of that, what really went beyond the pale for me personally is you coming onto this side of the board and gloating. Not a great look, G..You are definitely better than that. This isn’t Mean Girls the DB version.

You’ve been here a very long time. My guess is you got a free pass for a long time on a lot of potential 2x4”s because of your sitch. But it’s many years later and you’re still playing the victim card a lot of the time, or just ignoring posts that ask you to take a harder look at things, and now attacking people under the guise of disagreeing.

Forget whether or not D is a good guy. This isn’t about DnJ nor is it about LH. This is about you. I’m sure if you thought about it you’d realize there were many other ways you could have disagreed that would have left you in a better light. I’m frankly shocked by how you’ve handled yourself the past couple of weeks and wonder are you really ok? Because it doesn’t seem that you are.

Also there is the very real responsibility we all have to the newbies who may be reading and afraid to post. We owe it to each other to be as kind as possible and also to be direct in as kind a way as possible while tossing 2x4s.
Posted By: LH19 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 07:02 PM
Originally Posted by pinn
I’m pretty sure that was a joke….
Thanks for understanding sarcasm Pinn. Someone is definitely going off the deep end and it isn't me.
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 07:24 PM
Gloating how B? And D certainly did not just point out fact. He was very insulting and insinuating.

I have been here a long time. Even before this account. And many know that things were way different. And one thing I don’t play is victim. And I’ve credited this board to many changes I have made, have admitted my fault many many times. I have no qualms with doing that. When I have had fault.


But you are certainly entitled to how your perception of how you feel and see things. I respect how you feel and that you view me in a poor light.

You are right though. I don’t want newbies to be afraid to post. So I’ll step back if my “attacking” is scary.

I am really OK, B. No deep end for me. I just speak what people behind the scenes won’t. And that’s not for everyone.

I’ll bow out.
It’s time. I’m happy. I’m too
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 07:32 PM
Originally Posted by DnJ
I wonder if his wife is working to bust this divorce?

Gosh, imagine her standing, praying her little heart out for some miracle. I would think we all were there at one point.

I suspect for a lot of us, our other half’s affair started out with a nice “innocent” little tryst, Sunday brunch, friends that kiss.

Dating a married person makes you the affair partner.

You control you. Might want to check your compass.

The words “immoral” were said by you, not me. I spoke to your actions and how those actions are not aligned with what I believe to be inside you. Again, just suggesting you look at your life’s heading / direction and consider what you are doing.

Your response:

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Don’t project, Dnj. You know I’m not an affair partner. You must know the difference .

The definition of an affair:

- a sexual relationship between two people, one or both of whom are married to someone else. (Note: This board does often does include emotion relationship as an affair as well.)

Plenty of folks change and alter definitions to suit their wants. People can twist reality around all they want, yet reality will snap back and then where will one be?

I also felt compassion for you. You were posting about looking to sell your plasma to make ends meet. To me that sounded rather desperate, and not the path you are hoping to be upon.

Obviously, you and I are on different wavelengths. That’s fine. And I’ve stepped away from your thread.

D[/quote]

If this isn’t condescending , I don’t know what is.
Posted By: LH19 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 07:36 PM
I think we all need to calm down take a few breaths and relax.
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 07:38 PM
What personally is sending me off the deep end is how one can be so condescending and rude but if it’s dressed up fancy, there is nothing wrong with it. Honestly it is frustrating me more than it should. You are right about that. My mental energy has too many other places to go and this isn’t one of them.

My apologies for anyone has felt “attacked” . While not my intention, that’s how it is perceived and I can certainly apologize for that .

I am stuck in one area of my life. One thing I haven’t let go of. And it really is the time now and I feel good about letting it go
Posted By: LH19 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 07:39 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by DnJ
I wonder if his wife is working to bust this divorce?

Gosh, imagine her standing, praying her little heart out for some miracle. I would think we all were there at one point.

I suspect for a lot of us, our other half’s affair started out with a nice “innocent” little tryst, Sunday brunch, friends that kiss.

Dating a married person makes you the affair partner.

You control you. Might want to check your compass.

The words “immoral” were said by you, not me. I spoke to your actions and how those actions are not aligned with what I believe to be inside you. Again, just suggesting you look at your life’s heading / direction and consider what you are doing.

Your response:

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Don’t project, Dnj. You know I’m not an affair partner. You must know the difference .

The definition of an affair:

- a sexual relationship between two people, one or both of whom are married to someone else. (Note: This board does often does include emotion relationship as an affair as well.)

Plenty of folks change and alter definitions to suit their wants. People can twist reality around all they want, yet reality will snap back and then where will one be?

I also felt compassion for you. You were posting about looking to sell your plasma to make ends meet. To me that sounded rather desperate, and not the path you are hoping to be upon.

Obviously, you and I are on different wavelengths. That’s fine. And I’ve stepped away from your thread.

D

If this isn’t condescending , I don’t know what is.[/quote]
That post was actually pretty condescending.
Posted By: LH19 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 07:41 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
My apologies for anyone has felt “attacked” . While not my intention, that’s how it is perceived and I can certainly apologize for that .
Apology accepted. We have all had some posts we wish we could have back.
Posted By: OnlyBent Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 08:49 PM
Just change your name to something like LH20 like tom_h did and no one will know who you are
Posted By: LH19 Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 09:06 PM
Or Steve85 to SteveLW
Posted By: Elbereth Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 11:02 PM
I am someone that hasn’t been on here for a long time (but not brand new either).

I have to admit that the bickering and attacks I’ve seen on several different threads by several different folks are upsetting to me. I came here for support and to feel like I wasn’t alone in my situation, and now the bickering is alienating and unnerving. A few folks that really helped me are no longer on the forum as a result (with some stating clearly that their taking a break was related to ‘drama’ on here).

It’s just sad. I don’t like it. It certainly isn’t helpful or supportive.

El
Posted By: Elbereth Re: Up down and all around - 09/14/22 11:03 PM
G, and I’m glad your daughter had a wonderful birthday!
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/15/22 12:09 AM
You are right, E, and I am sorry. The bickering here isn’t productive. And I know Dnj helped you a a lot. While my experience has not been good at all, I’m sad he just decided to leave and not help those he was helping. I’m honestly surprised my opinion would drive him away from helping those who he also felt he helped. I’m also happy to bow out, because this place isn’t doing me any good anymore, actually, it’s hurting me. It’s the last piece in the puzzle holding me back. I finally figured out the last piece of the puzzle.

I am forever indebted to those who helped me on this board. Who became my real life personal friends. I have had a lot of personal growth and got through the worst time in my life. I hate to ruin that for others. Of course, I heard a lot I didn’t want to hear. And if anyone thinks these are 2X4’s, they haven’t been here in the OG days! These are slaps on the wrists.
Facing myself was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I’m glad I did it. However, the bickering isn’t productive. You are absolutely correct.

And thank you, she’s had a wonderful birthday. I can’t believe she is a such a full blown teen! I’m far too young for that , lol
Posted By: BL42 Re: Up down and all around - 09/15/22 01:57 AM
I don't like the bickering either. Threads filled up with that as opposed to helpful advice to those who created them are not helpful. I've largely tried to stay out of it and focus on my own sitch and helping others, but I'll say this...

I'm surprised to see LH and Ginger who used to seem teasing and flirty have turned more bickering & personal...in OB's thread and hers. Not sure why.

Ginger your posts to DnJ initially did come off to me as very harsh and too personal, but also think you raised some very fair questions to him about self reflection and his role in his marriage. On the other hand, while you may have found DnJ's post on your thread condescending and judgmental, I don't think he was out of bounds raising the question of you dating a man who was not yet divorced. It's fair to wonder if he had a W back home hoping to DB her marriage - that's why we all came here - plus it caused you personal pain when the relationship didn't work out.

I just noticed DnJ's two dozen plus threads are gone. It appears he may have bowed out of the forum. Imo, that's a shame. Just as it would be if you do so as well Ginger...or anyone else. The more people here helping others the better, imo.

There is an alternative approach. There are still people out there who need help. Does everyone remember back to the initial darkness and spin of post-BD? What it was like reaching out to any support system which would listen, desperately trying to understand what happened and needing advice on how to get your life together? Why not drop a note to those currently in it, if only to give a quick message of support.

Here are two newbies, Samoy who hasn't gotten much response in hers and Rockon who just posted his first message tonight:

HELP! Late withdrawal help clarification by Samoy
New Here by Rockon

Why doesn't everyone who reads this comment show them some support, even if it's just taking two minutes to post a quick "hang in there, you'll get through this"?
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/15/22 10:29 AM
BL, I knew for a fact he did not have a wife back home. I knew for a fact he was out of the house. I knew for a fact there were lawyers involved . That was fact. I knew , and of course I can’t say for fact that that he found her sex videos with other men. I knew he left her once for alcohol and anger management issues and tried again with her and found those videos. There is no one we date that we know for sure, do we? Do people date and ask to see divorce agreements ? For all any of us know, anyone we go on dates with may be lying to us about their status, right ? And I can tell you, if I did find out they were living together and they weren’t getting divorced, I would have been very very gone. Now if I stayed finding that out? Then I become an affair partner

We all the know what an affair is and what an affair partner is here. I think we all know I wasn’t that.

Anyways, I do hope everyone goes and help the newbies. Im not chiming in there or anywhere else anymore. I am no longer helpful and that’s where I bow out .
Posted By: BL42 Re: Up down and all around - 09/15/22 10:46 AM
Ginger1,
Originally Posted by Ginger1
BL, I knew for a fact he did not have a wife back home. I knew for a fact he was out of the house. I knew for a fact there were lawyers involved . That was fact.
I'm sure you did your due diligence and vetted the situation, and I'm not saying you were acting like a sleazy AP - just that DnJ's question about the DB'ing spouse and still being legally married isn't exactly out of bounds for a forum like this. It seemed like a fair question to raise, even if you have a reasonable answer.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I knew , and of course I can’t say for fact that that he found her sex videos with other men.
Yikes.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
And I can tell you, if I did find out they were living together and they weren’t getting divorced, I would have been very very gone.
I don't doubt it.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Im not chiming in there or anywhere else anymore. I am no longer helpful and that’s where I bow out .
Sorry to hear that. You're always welcome on my thread - I'd love your perspective. If not, best of luck...and don't forget to take action on the child support front. Hold your ExH accountable for his financial responsibilities as a father while you're doing the majority of the parenting for your daughter!
Posted By: Mach1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/15/22 12:37 PM
Wow.....



The worrying about what the newbies see and what we should show them....

And this is what they get...

The inability to work through problems, DB them, and from this day forward...

Take your toys and leave the sandbox....

Pull your threads and go home....


Just wow....
Posted By: LH19 Re: Up down and all around - 09/15/22 12:39 PM
Originally Posted by BL42
I'm surprised to see LH and Ginger who used to seem teasing and flirty have turned more bickering & personal...in OB's thread and hers. Not sure why.
Lol. Where have you guys been for the last 4 years. This is standard operating procedure. Nothing to see here.

Originally Posted by BL42
On the other hand, while you may have found DnJ's post on your thread condescending and judgmental, I don't think he was out of bounds raising the question of you dating a man who was not yet divorced.
Come on BL. I know this is a DB site but you have to know the difference between an actual affair and someone dating before divorce. The issue wasn't that dude was married the issue was that G thought he was going to go from being on Tinder while married, divorce and than get into a relationship with her.

Originally Posted by BL42
It's fair to wonder if he had a W back home hoping to DB her marriage
Is it really?

Originally Posted by BL42
Plus it caused you personal pain when the relationship didn't work out.
This 1000%

Originally Posted by BL42
I just noticed DnJ's two dozen plus threads are gone. It appears he may have bowed out of the forum.
Yeah I highly doubt a post from G pushed him off the board. My guess would be more he got some closure at the wedding that his ex isn't coming back and it's time to move forward. Some people get stuck on this board and it is better to move on after a certain amount of time.
Originally Posted by BL42
Just as it would be if you do so as well Ginger...or anyone else.
LOL. G has quit this board more times than she has quit OLDing and more times than DNJ has said "feelings are fleeting". She ain't going no where.

Originally Posted by BL42
Why doesn't everyone who reads this comment show them some support, even if it's just taking two minutes to post a quick "hang in there, you'll get through this"?
Hang in there, you'll get through this.
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/15/22 01:29 PM
Honestly. DNJ got challenged for the first time from multiple posters and he wasn’t just receiving praise. For someone who was so comfortable with his path, I’m shocked he didn’t hit ignore on me and continue to help others. I can’t imagine it was just me who made his very self confident in his path self leave the boards and take his threads with him. Maybe he is doing some reflection off the boards? Who knows.
Posted By: Traveler Re: Up down and all around - 09/16/22 05:35 PM
Yet another member leaves over harsh comments. I support DnJ and Ginger in leaving and wish them well if this WildWest environment isn't serving them anymore.
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/18/22 12:44 PM
I just want to clarify that no one has offended me or made this place uncomfortable for me and that’s why I am leaving. The most offensive and off base post I’ve had of late was DNJ’s, and I didn’t run from that.

I just realized this is the one place that is holding me back, despite how helpful people have been. It’s the one thing that hasn’t changed since my divorce
Posted By: DonH Re: Up down and all around - 09/18/22 03:05 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I just realized this is the one place that is holding me back, despite how helpful people have been. It’s the one thing that hasn’t changed since my divorce

A message board is holding you and your life back? Please help me understand how that could be possible? I guess if you were spending every free moment here, or doing anything for that matter, that could be a sort if addiction and addiction is certainly bad. But how is a discussion board the last missing piece versus looking inward to ones choices, decisions and actions? It would be great if it were that easy. But maybe I’m missing something. Please explain what I’m missing.

And if this place is the wild west…. OMG good belly laugh for a Sunday morning.
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/18/22 03:50 PM
Not so much the last missing piece to the puzzle.

It’s like social media when you get too much of it and it gets into your head.

I’m reading this book, “tired As f*ck” right now and it is completely resonating with me and explains a good portion of my burnout. My mental burnout. Always on a mission to do something different or better or needing to do things perfectly or excel instead of just “resting” and living as you are is a huge cause for burnout and anxiety.

I can’t read about dating anymore. I can’t read about divorce anymore. It hurts my head and seeing everything just causes me not to know which way is up or down. Makes me feel like everything is wrong and “do better! You are doing it wrong” all the time and I stop trusting myself .

It’s just not healthy for me anymore. I’ve either lived on this board as a woman trying to bust a divorce or a woman trying to date and find a partner. I don’t want to be either of those right now.

I just want to be a woman. My head and my heart just need a breather from all of this
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Up down and all around - 09/19/22 05:47 PM
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by BL42
On the other hand, while you may have found DnJ's post on your thread condescending and judgmental, I don't think he was out of bounds raising the question of you dating a man who was not yet divorced.
Come on BL. I know this is a DB site but you have to know the difference between an actual affair and someone dating before divorce. The issue wasn't that dude was married the issue was that G thought he was going to go from being on Tinder while married, divorce and than get into a relationship with her.

Originally Posted by BL42
It's fair to wonder if he had a W back home hoping to DB her marriage
Is it really?
I spent the time between our court appearance and the finalization date vacillating wildly between hoping my husband would stop the madness and bracing myself for the day the D would be final if he didn't. I have to ask you, LH, really, why would someone doing that surprise you at all? There are many people who don't want to be divorced but by the same token don't stand in the way of their spouse moving on. I think you termed that unconditional love in another post on another thread?

And for some, the issue is the marriage still being legal. Maybe not you or others here, but some do have that issue, myself among them. I wouldn't be comfortable at all dating someone before the ink is dry, because I've observed over the years both IRL and here that no matter how much time has passed and how checked out of the marriage someone is, that final date is a crossing of the Rubicon which always brings up a lot of feelings which need to be sorted before moving on with someone else in a healthy way. I don't want to be someone's fallout or collateral damage, nor do I want to be involved in someone else's relationship on any level, however tangential.

Also, it speaks volumes about a person that they put themselves on a dating site that soon. What about being alone and sorting yourself out without involving or potentially hurting someone else? That's not someone I would be comfortable dating.

Can you guys see the difference here ? I'm not talking about a moral issue, I'm talking about risk assessment for my own heart.

And if it is a moral issue for someone, then what about respecting differences? There are ways to do so which leave both parties learning and growing from the experience. That did not happen in this case.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Up down and all around - 09/19/22 05:58 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Gloating how B? And D certainly did not just point out fact. He was very insulting and insinuating.

I have been here a long time. Even before this account. And many know that things were way different. And one thing I don’t play is victim. And I’ve credited this board to many changes I have made, have admitted my fault many many times. I have no qualms with doing that. When I have had fault.


But you are certainly entitled to how your perception of how you feel and see things. I respect how you feel and that you view me in a poor light.

You are right though. I don’t want newbies to be afraid to post. So I’ll step back if my “attacking” is scary.

I am really OK, B. No deep end for me. I just speak what people behind the scenes won’t. And that’s not for everyone.

I’ll bow out.
It’s time. I’m happy. I’m too
I'm not going to do this with you G. I've watched a pattern of you asking for proof when you don't want to own something. You are well able to go back and review your own posts to see which one I am referring to. To ask me to post is to create more red herrings so you don't have to do the work yourself.

Your response to me here in fact proves my point about you playing the victim. I view your actions in a poor light. I do not view you in a poor light. Own your actions. Review again what I said - You're better than the way you behaved.
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Up down and all around - 09/19/22 06:37 PM
B- I respectfully disagree and just don’t want to get into it anymore. I own my actions. I just happen to stand by them. You don’t have to anything with me . You made up your mind about how i “behaved”. Maybe I’m not the person you thought I was.
The good news is I am the one who has to get up everyday and look at myself the mirror and I can do that.
Posted By: job Re: Up down and all around - 09/19/22 07:17 PM
Okay! It's time for all to step back and take a deep breath. Agree to disagree and move on. This is a public forum that not only do the members see what is posted, but the entire world can read them.

Please, please step back and just breathe. If posters are not happy with what is being posted, then take a break from this thread and/or forum and do something else. It's better to step back then to continue down this rabbit hole and something may be said that can't be taken back. Many of you are friends on other forums and have been for some time and I don't want to see the friendship break up over postings here.

There are a lot of posters out there that need our help.
Posted By: LH19 Re: Up down and all around - 09/19/22 07:24 PM
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by BL42
On the other hand, while you may have found DnJ's post on your thread condescending and judgmental, I don't think he was out of bounds raising the question of you dating a man who was not yet divorced.
Come on BL. I know this is a DB site but you have to know the difference between an actual affair and someone dating before divorce. The issue wasn't that dude was married the issue was that G thought he was going to go from being on Tinder while married, divorce and than get into a relationship with her.

Originally Posted by BL42
It's fair to wonder if he had a W back home hoping to DB her marriage
Is it really?
I spent the time between our court appearance and the finalization date vacillating wildly between hoping my husband would stop the madness and bracing myself for the day the D would be final if he didn't. I have to ask you, LH, really, why would someone doing that surprise you at all? There are many people who don't want to be divorced but by the same token don't stand in the way of their spouse moving on. I think you termed that unconditional love in another post on another thread?

And for some, the issue is the marriage still being legal. Maybe not you or others here, but some do have that issue, myself among them. I wouldn't be comfortable at all dating someone before the ink is dry, because I've observed over the years both IRL and here that no matter how much time has passed and how checked out of the marriage someone is, that final date is a crossing of the Rubicon which always brings up a lot of feelings which need to be sorted before moving on with someone else in a healthy way. I don't want to be someone's fallout or collateral damage, nor do I want to be involved in someone else's relationship on any level, however tangential.

Also, it speaks volumes about a person that they put themselves on a dating site that soon. What about being alone and sorting yourself out without involving or potentially hurting someone else? That's not someone I would be comfortable dating.

Can you guys see the difference here ? I'm not talking about a moral issue, I'm talking about risk assessment for my own heart.

And if it is a moral issue for someone, then what about respecting differences? There are ways to do so which leave both parties learning and growing from the experience. That did not happen in this case.

BF I will start by saying my lines are very grey between right and wrong and I am certainly not a moralist and never claimed to be one. What Ginger did was a bad idea and not from a moral standpoint IMO but more for a logical standpoint and she got burned. Though we will never know the truth I believe this wasn't a situation where this dudes W was hanging on for a reconciliation. If you go back and read what DNJ wrote he was poking at G in a very sly way. G took it in stride and gave it back to him and a less subtle way and apparently he didn't like it and I think for other reasons also took his ball and went home. For some reason everyone on here has very thick skin these days. I do not condone dating married people but I am also not going to condemn people for doing it. Happens all the time here just ask Andy P. I am more offended that we had a WS running around here bragging about it. Thank God G ran him off the board too lol.
Posted By: job Re: Up down and all around - 09/19/22 08:42 PM
As the moderator, I am going to make a judgment call and lock this thread. If you are not happy with my decision, then contact Michele and state your case, but I am sure she will agree that it is time for posters to step away from this thread for a bit.

A few posters have now read the interactions here and are now considering leaving the Board.

People come here for support and many of us have been here for quite some time and should be dbing any and all walks of life. They come here in pain, seeking answers and help. This is a public forum and it is one that everyone on God's green earth can come here and read. If you want to take your frustration out on something, go to the gym and beat the hell out of a punching bag.

As I stated previously, it is time to step back and breathe. If it will help, take some time away from the Board. This Board will be here when you return.
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