Divorcebusting.com
Posted By: kml Onward and…. well, onward - 09/07/21 01:58 AM
Link to my last thread: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2919653&page=1

CMM is struggling a bit, his oxygen levels are a bit difficult to keep up when he exerts himself and he still requires oxygen 24/7. So far we don’t see any improvement from this new chemo - he wakes several times a night to cough and the lack of quality sleep is making him grumpy.

We’ve had a lazy weekend, grilled burgers today with my son for a Labor Day lunch, watching Tom Hanks in News of the World. I’ve only gotten half of the housecleaning done that I had planned, but floors are mopped and laundry done and dusting done and bills paid and filed. Tomorrow will be a busy day at work, not only because of the long holiday but my partner is not going to be in tomorrow because of Rosh Hashanna. But it will also be a short week.

I had a nice walk this morning with Survival Goddess and her doggo, for those of you that remember her. She has moved to my neck of the woods and we try to make it a weekly thing.


I hope everyone had a nice break today - well, those in the US. Stay safe out there. Heard from another friend of mine who recently moved back into town - she and her husband had Covid in July. They weren’t vaccinated, I have no idea why not - they’re definitely not right wing, and not anti-vaccines so far as I know. So glad I didn’t have them over when they were incubating it. They seem to be ok now but with both in their sixties, anything could have happened - or still might.


I’m growing out my white hair, it’s been just five weeks but it’s showing quite a lot. I’m hoping for Emmy Lou Harris and not old hag! Since the only things I’ve ever done to my long straight hair is dye it the same color it originally was, and have some long layers cut into it, this will be a radical change. This seems as good a time as any. CMM, bless his heart, wouldn’t care if I shaved my head, he’d still think I was sexy.
Posted By: Traveler Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/07/21 06:22 PM
Sorry CMM's still on oxygen 24/7 and struggling to maintain levels while exerting himself. Even dating an Emmylou Harris lookalike (she was born in 1947?!), and having many more good times than he expected, a transition like that coupled with low sleep would leave anyone grumpy.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/09/21 12:12 AM
how's CMM today K?
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/09/21 05:10 PM
Pretty much the same. His appetite is ok since we lowered the chemo drug and he's not throwing everything up, which is good. But when he's downstairs on the oxygen tank (as opposed to upstairs on the machine) he's having to crank it up and is going through the tanks fairly quickly. However, when he's resting and on the machine he can still get up to 93% oxygen saturation, which would be bad for a healthy person but is good for him.

I haven't approached him on this yet, but I have a list of things I want to ask him to do that will be helpful if/when he dies. Paperwork he needs to put in order, passwords he needs to write down for me, and although he'll probably resist, I'd still like him to put together some family history and stuff that I could give to his estranged daughters in the event that they respond to the news of his demise. This is a conversation I'll need to try to have with him this weekend.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/09/21 06:29 PM
{{{{{{kml}}}}}}
sounds stressful, but it's a necessary conversation. xoxoxo
Posted By: Traveler Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/10/21 02:46 PM
{{{kml}}} - Those sound like horrible conversations to have to have. Props for being able to think clearly about the need for those despite all you two are going through.
Posted By: Dawn70 Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/10/21 04:01 PM
(((kml)))

Sending positive thoughts your way as you have a very difficult, but necessary discussion with CMM. Praying it goes well.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/14/21 05:38 PM
Off topic - just started a new sci-fi series on Hulu called Y:The Last Man. Basic premise is that a worldwide catastrophe suddenly results in all mammals with a Y chromosome dying. Except one guy and his capuchin monkey. (Kind of like A Day Without a Mexican but it's a day without men! )

Jets drop from the sky (because, of course, most pilots are still men). It's written and directed and produced by women, based on a graphic novel, my son tells me. Diane Lane is in the cast. The first episode was good. I'm looking forward to seeing how events unfold.
Posted By: 97Hope Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/15/21 02:45 AM
I love the premise. I'll check it out. I'm a sucker for a good catastrophe.

Have been thinking about you and all you're going through right now. Glad you have a small distraction.

I started reading the Dark Tower series again. My friend was in a terrible accident and can't walk for another 8 months (at least). I brought him the first book of the series and am excited to re-read it along with him. Wonder what it is about reading/watching disasters that cheer me up? lol

Hope you are doing well. xoxo
Posted By: 97Hope Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/15/21 02:46 AM
Gah. "hope you are doing well" - I hope you are finding moments of peace and goodness in the middle of all you are going through. You are a strong person, and it's inspiring. (is what I meant by that tripe I actually wrote) ((((kml)))
Posted By: DejaVu6 Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/16/21 11:03 PM
Sorry to hear about CMM KML and about the conversation you are working towards having with him. Never a great topic but a necessary one. He is lucky to have someone like you in his life who is willing to take care of these things for him. You are one of a kind!! Hoping your weekend goes better than anticipated. (((HUGS)))
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/17/21 01:29 AM
Had a good day today. My office was closed and my youngest son, who moved to L.A. last spring, had the day off so I drove up to visit him in his new digs. I was nervous when he first moved up there, as he has a history of depression and past addiction, and LA is where much of his addiction occurred. Also he has a bit of an eating disorder, and I worried if he would be able to support himself without help there.

Well, he’s doing great! He looks like he’s eating well ( one of his roommates loves to cook and works at a healthy market), the house is cute and he and his roommates are working on sprucing it up, his roomies are nice and compatible. He’s one house away from a cool hippie community art park with river rock paths and mosaics and artwork and events, where he takes his dog and knows the folks that run events there. He has a job at a nearby restaurant that he can walk to, close enough to come back and visit his dog on his dinner break. And he’s actually making enough to pay his bills and have some left over. He’s also met a girl who actually grew up in the town my son did, is educated and has a good job, but is also artsy like him. And for once he’s taking it slow but it sounds good.

Our visit was shorter than expected because a coworker having a mental health crisis called and asked him to take her shift. But we had a nice visit before, went out to lunch, showed me his neighborhood.

He’s in the best place emotionally that I’ve seen him in a long time and it’s really a relief. Yay!!!
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/17/21 01:35 AM
AND - he didn’t turn down the bottle if gummie vitamins I brought him, and actually took a couple while I was there!
Posted By: Traveler Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/17/21 01:35 AM
Originally Posted by kml
Off topic - just started a new sci-fi series on Hulu called Y:The Last Man. Basic premise is that a worldwide catastrophe suddenly results in all mammals with a Y chromosome dying. Except one guy and his capuchin monkey. (Kind of like A Day Without a Mexican but it's a day without men! )
Interesting! I actually read the first few comics a decade (or two) ago. I didn't know there was an adaptation. I don't recall the story that well so may be fun!

Glad your son is doing so well, kml. (:
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/17/21 01:37 AM
Originally Posted by kml
Had a good day today. My office was closed and my youngest son, who moved to L.A. last spring, had the day off so I drove up to visit him in his new digs. I was nervous when he first moved up there, as he has a history of depression and past addiction, and LA is where much of his addiction occurred. Also he has a bit of an eating disorder, and I worried if he would be able to support himself without help there.

Well, he’s doing great! He looks like he’s eating well ( one of his roommates loves to cook and works at a healthy market), the house is cute and he and his roommates are working on sprucing it up, his roomies are nice and compatible. He’s one house away from a cool hippie community art park with river rock paths and mosaics and artwork and events, where he takes his dog and knows the folks that run events there. He has a job at a nearby restaurant that he can walk to, close enough to come back and visit his dog on his dinner break. And he’s actually making enough to pay his bills and have some left over. He’s also met a girl who actually grew up in the town my son did, is educated and has a good job, but is also artsy like him. And for once he’s taking it slow but it sounds good.

Our visit was shorter than expected because a coworker having a mental health crisis called and asked him to take her shift. But we had a nice visit before, went out to lunch, showed me his neighborhood.

He’s in the best place emotionally that I’ve seen him in a long time and it’s really a relief. Yay!!!
that's so wonderful!!! I wish we had a "love" button !!! xoxoxo
Posted By: DejaVu6 Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/17/21 01:39 PM
Great news about your son KML!! Maybe things are looking up. smile
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/17/21 09:44 PM
Oncology visit today - CMM's oncologist thinks his current shortness of breath is likely due to tumor progression, but is ordering a CT scan to help rule out any other causes. Repeated again that there really isn't anything more to offer if this current drug isn't working.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/17/21 09:47 PM
i'm so sorry {{{{{{{Kml}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{CMM}}}}}}}
Posted By: Dawn70 Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/17/21 09:56 PM
Oh no.....I was just finally coming to comment on your good news about your son and now this. Hugs for the good and bad, kml.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/19/21 02:00 PM
Lol - best phrase on a morning news show discussion of taxing the rich: “midlife crisis-defying space travel”. Lolol
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/22/21 07:44 PM
Well, we have CMM's CT scan results back. They show his right middle lobe is collapsed, some new small tumors, and slight growth in the previous tumors. His longstanding pleural effusion is not worse but he now has a small one on the other side as well. So the oncologist's assumption that there was tumor progression is correct. However, since being on the prednisone, his oxygen levels have been much better. This will likely be a temporary improvement, though.

He is beginning to ask the difficult questions about what the end will be like (he's not there yet though), how to manage dying at home etc.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/22/21 09:57 PM
i'm so sorry xoxoxo
Posted By: AndrewP Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/22/21 10:19 PM
I don't know if it's harder when you know it's coming or easier. Hugs to you both.

One thing I will mention, and I know it's important to you is to try to capture some sort of history, some sort of legacy for his daughters. There are more important things if it's not a place he wants to go. They've walked away from each other and it's doubtful that anything would really change.

But - there is still living to be done {{CMM/KML}}
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/22/21 11:11 PM
Yes, I plan on making videos, asking him questions about his childhood, family etc. I think he would comply with that since it's not directly aimed at his daughters (but info I think they might like to have). I'll approach him after about maybe speaking more directly to them.
Posted By: Sage4 Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/23/21 05:28 AM
KML, you are such an amazing human. Your wit and wisdom, foresight and compassion is truly a marvel. I am sure your patients, your children and CMM all appreciate it so much, but in case no one has told you recently, you truly are an incredible, deserving human.

A few days ago, my boy and his friend were throwing rocks at tiny crabs on the beach. An elderly woman approached them and (rightly) admonished them for doing so and made some comment about how would they feel if they were tiny crabs fleeing for their lives from 11-year-old boys causing death and destruction. Which brought up the conversation about karma between the boys (once they stopped their death-capaid). Later, son recounts the story and says to me, 'gee mom, I wonder how many of those crabs were 11-year-old boys in their past life? Sigh... I will probably come back as one of those crabs.' We are not a religious family, but the karma question is a relevant one and how we can always try to do good in the world (leaving some wiggle room for undeveloped, 11-year-old brains whose impulse is to throw rocks at fleeing crabs).

Some of us were born as crabs, and others were put here to do good no matter how hard. I see you as the latter, KML. You are so good.

((KML)))
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/24/21 03:14 PM
Ok spoiler alert - if you have not watched The Sister on Hulu and think you might, don’t read my next post (it’s a murder mystery/psychological thriller about a guy who marries the sister of a murder victim)
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/24/21 03:42 PM
Ok - so - the plot goes like this:

Guy is present/ accidentally involved in the accidental death/murder? of a young woman. He and the other guy who is present/responsible? bury her body in the woods.

He then meets and marries the sister of the dead girl. They have a good life together until the murderer shows up and threatens to spill the beans and pin it on the protagonist, who discovers it wasn’t an accident after all.

Eventually, he secretly kills the murderer and goes on to have a nice life and a baby with his wife - but he’s got this huge secret he can never tell a soul, and it’s going to be a shadow on everything he does going forward.

Anyway - it made me think about the early years of my marriage. My ex, remember, slept with an old flame the night before our wedding, and she aborted the resulting pregnancy while we were on our honeymoon. I knew soon enough about the cheating, but didn’t learn about the pregnancy and abortion until I was 9 months pregnant with our second child ( 6 years later). So for all those early years of our marriage, he was carrying around this huge secret (and he was raised Catholic, so it was a big deal). When I first got pregnant, he must have thought of it. When our first child was born, did he wonder about it? When I had miscarriages between my first and second, did he think it was a punishment? It just made me think by about the weight of carrying secrets, and the corrosive effect that might have had on my marriage.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/24/21 11:25 PM
Originally Posted by kml
It just made me think by about the weight of carrying secrets, and the corrosive effect that might have had on my marriage.
secrets multiply in the dark, but are reduced to ash in the light of day. I'm thinking of all the things left unsaid over years that build up until they turn into monsters that tear at the heart soul and flesh of a relationship.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/27/21 12:58 AM
Yesterday I cleaned the bedroom of my youngest son (who moved to Los Angeles a few months ago) and finally found his passport that he’d been missing and I hadn’t found. Amazing what a thorough cleaning will turn up! And the good news is, this ongoing search resulted in me figuring out that my own passport was expired, so I sent it off for renewal last week.

I also finished a ton of paper shredding that needed to be done, dusted and vacuumed in the bedroom which is now less cluttered with that job done, and mopped the bathroom floor. Nice walk and chat this morning with my old DB friend who lives nearby now. Grocery shopping done. It’s been a productive weekend.
Posted By: 97Hope Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/27/21 02:27 AM
Sounds like a fabulous weekend! I love a good clear out.

Oh the secrets!! S28, DIL and I were talking about that. I'm tagging this one:

Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by kml
It just made me think by about the weight of carrying secrets, and the corrosive effect that might have had on my marriage.
secrets multiply in the dark, but are reduced to ash in the light of day. I'm thinking of all the things left unsaid over years that build up until they turn into monsters that tear at the heart soul and flesh of a relationship.

KML - I didn't have those early on (that I know of) but I could tell you almost to the day that my XH started becoming angry. It was the deceit. I didn't know it then of course, but looking back, the weight of it all was too much. Corrosive. Perfect word.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/27/21 03:18 PM
Ugh - phone call from my younger brother last night. He’s the “poor” one in the family, who I finally convinced to sign up for Medicaid on Aug 15, the last day of the expanded enrollment period. I don’t think he even has his number yet. Now he’s peeing blood - grossly bloody urine.

There’s a lot of things it could be due to - some benign, like a kidney stone or urinary tract infection. Some bad, like cancer of the urinary tract. Could even be Covid, although it would be a rare presentation (he’s the one unvaccinated person in the family. His state is currently rationing care because the hospitals are overrun with Covid cases. And he’s afraid of going to the doctor - because he’s afraid of catching Covid!)
Posted By: Traveler Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/27/21 05:15 PM
Glad you had a good weekend! It's cool you have a DB'ing friend nearby. From our interactions, I believe we're in the same state, but on completely opposite ends. Ugh on the bloody urine. It's cool to have a doc in the family, but that must have been an embarrassing call for him to make. I hope it's minor. Could it be an STI? Could the labs he needs to rule out possibilities be done by a 3rd party lab or at-home lab kit? I've even had hospitals near me recommend 3rd party labs as more affordable, and I've had good experiences with at-home lab kits, although I ended up poking myself quite a few times before I got a good draw of blood. I'm no longer as judgmental when hospitals need to try twice, although I have good veins so that's pretty rare.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/27/21 05:27 PM
No STI worries. His labs will be covered by medicaid thank goodness. Hoping it's just a urinary tract infection or kidney stone, but frankly he doesn't have obvious symptoms for either. Cancer doesn't run in our family but he's a lifelong heavy smoker so that's still a possibility. And I did find a case report of a woman presenting with bloody urine as her first symptom of Covid, although that would be a rare presentation.

He is the unlucky one in the family - my mother used to say "If he had a duck, it would drown". Then again, he also has nine lives, so hoping this is nothing big.
Posted By: DejaVu6 Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/27/21 05:37 PM
Covid or not, he should definitely be going to a doctor. Is this a gender thing? I have always maintained that one of the reasons women live longer is because we will head to the doctor at the first sign of trouble…lol. Men, and I know this is a stereotype, tend to ignore it until it gets really bad. Given you are a doctor, I am sure you have had some conversations with him around his choice to remain unvaccinated. Interesting that he is scared of catching Covid as most unvaccinated people I know seem to rely on the “it’s not as bad as people say” belief to justify their decision. Regardless, he must have a really strong fear of something to go against the advice of his physician big sister. Hope everything turns out okay!! (((HUGS)))
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 09/27/21 06:56 PM
Yeah he's the rare bird who is afraid of Covid, but thinks (at 60 and a lifelong smoker!) that he's too healthy to get it and is scared of the vaccine (because he gets a lot of QAnon BS from his son). I find people have very exaggerated ideas of their own health status and risk.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/04/21 05:17 PM
Well, CMM is doing okay, so clearly the low end of his doctor's estimate (2 weeks) is not going to be true lol. His oxygen levels remain good when on supplemental oxygen. We are inviting my friend with the heart transplant and his wife to lunch next week, we will grill some steaks.

Last night, though, when he came upstairs, he switched from his tank to the oxygen machine - but forgot to turn it on! Took him about a half hour to notice, which I guess is good, but he was quite panicked about how he felt and said "Is this what it's going to feel like when I die?"

He also asked me earlier how I felt about all this - and honestly, my answer was that I feel grateful that we've had so much extra time. 3 years extra is pretty darned good with stage 4 lung cancer. I expected when he moved in that he'd be dead in 6 months - instead we are 3 years 2 months past his diagnosis and only starting down that track.

I do see him trying to prepare things for his absence - he was talking to my son yesterday about teaching him how to use the knife sharpener.

Still, I expect he'll be with us for several more months - probably through Xmas at least.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/04/21 06:30 PM
bless you both. what a difficult situation, yet you both are handling it with grace. xoxoxo
Posted By: Dawn70 Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/04/21 06:48 PM
Prayers for both of you. What a difficult situation.
Posted By: AndrewP Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/04/21 10:43 PM
{{kml}}
Posted By: Traveler Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/04/21 11:17 PM
kml, you have so much strength to see the bright side in this situation. I'm glad the 2-week diagnosis seems way off and you're looking forward to having friends over for dinner together.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/06/21 07:33 PM
Read a very sweet/sad story in the Wash Post the other day.

Young couple meet in college (she's a freshman, he's a senior) and fall in love. Chicago in the early 70's. She's white, he's black, her family is racist. So they secretly date for 7 years. She becomes a nurse and is working in a northern suburb of Chicago, on graveyard shifts. He's in grad school on the south side of Chicago. One day, overwhelmed with the stress of her job and their conflicting schedules and just not seeing a way forward, she breaks up with him and they don't speak afterwards.

Later they both marry, divorce, no kids. She looks for him online but it's like he doesn't exist. Finally she finds an address for his niece and writes to her - she reports that he's in a nursing home. She writes him there but no reply. She calls the nursing home but they can't tell her anything. She takes a red-eye flight from Oregon and goes to the nursing home, where she finds out he hasn't had a visitor in ten years, that he's had two strokes and one lower leg amputation. They wheel him out to see her and he remembers her instantly.

Long story short - she eventually moves him into her home and is caring for him. They still love each other. He says it's like heaven. Very sweet.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/08/21 05:51 AM
FAILING - Finding An Intended Lesson In Needed Growth.

Heard this from Richard Antoine White on the Daily Show. Struck me that this sums up the DB experience of most of us here.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/08/21 09:44 PM
We had our video appointment with the folks at Palliative Care today. The doc had some helpful ideas about pain management - switching CMM from ER morphine to fentanyl patches which should reduce his myoclonus. Myoclonus has been the limiting factor in his narcotic use since he fell due to myoclonic jerks in his legs and knocked himself out last year. This should enable him to take a higher total dose of narcotics if needed. He's also prescribing an anti-depressant that helps with sleep as well. He also reassured CMM that hospice will not let him suffer at the end, that they can even give him IV sedatives at the end if needed.

The social worker was great with him and is also hooking him up with some counseling. Hospice will come next week for an initial visit.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/08/21 11:45 PM
Originally Posted by kml
We had our video appointment with the folks at Palliative Care today. The doc had some helpful ideas about pain management - switching CMM from ER morphine to fentanyl patches which should reduce his myoclonus. Myoclonus has been the limiting factor in his narcotic use since he fell due to myoclonic jerks in his legs and knocked himself out last year. This should enable him to take a higher total dose of narcotics if needed. He's also prescribing an anti-depressant that helps with sleep as well. He also reassured CMM that hospice will not let him suffer at the end, that they can even give him IV sedatives at the end if needed.

The social worker was great with him and is also hooking him up with some counseling. Hospice will come next week for an initial visit.
probably won't know til you talk to hospice but mom gets massage/reiki, clergy visits, and music therapy with she absolutely loves.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/10/21 03:04 AM
We had a nice visit from my good friends today. They are a married couple, married 46 years now! I’ve known them probably 43 years. He had a heart transplant 3 years ago.

CMM cooked and I manned the grill to cook the delicious steaks he carefully prepared (he has recently taught me how to cook them exactly the way he does). We laughed and told stories, drank wine and sat outside in a beautiful day. (The wife is wickedly allergic to cats, and my son has a cat, so visiting outdoors is best.)

It was a lovely day Nice I think for CMM to entertain and feel like he was just having a normal day, not impacted by cancer.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/15/21 02:17 PM
Initial visit from hospice planned today. Mostly just to establish care, not really anything we need from them right away.

The sleeping pill/antidepressant prescribed by palliative care (mirtazapine) has been a bust - actually disturbs his sleep. We will pick up his fentanyl patches this weekend and hopefully better pain control with those may help his sleep.

Also getting a second quote on replacing my furnace/ac - first quote was $13,000! Need to get it started soon though as the weather here will turn chilly soon and CMM doesn’t have any body fat on him.

Can’t take time off work right now (especially with the new furnace to pay for!) but really feel I could use a couple weeks to catch up on everything. Will have 5 days off at Thanksgiving and we close the office for the week between Xmas and New Years so am looking forward to those.

Well, up and at ‘em. Listening to a conference on autoimmune diseases while I work. Multitaskers Are Us.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/16/21 04:49 PM
If you want a little fun, turn on the cheetah cub cam at the smithsonian national zoo. Best with sounds, the chirps and trills are sweet.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/16/21 08:36 PM
glad you are getting a second quote on the new furnace! $13k seems high for a straight replacement. will check out the cheetah cam.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/16/21 10:55 PM
Actually the second quote was higher (remember this is furnace and AC) but this guy seemed to have a plan that doesn’t require tearing out my side gate - I like that! The first quote uses Goodman furnace, second Daikin - both come from the same manufacturer, Daikin is higher priced but comes with a better warranty. We have a third quote coming in Monday.

I took a couple of boxes of stuff to Goodwill this morning, have a couple more to drop off tomorrow. Threw out a big bag of trash and combined three Rubbermaid bins of Xmas decorations into two. (No, that’s not all - plenty more where that came from ).

Still a lot to do out there but it’s looking better already.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/17/21 12:32 PM
wow. i wish i had your get up and go. I went through a few things at Mom's and ended up coming home and going to bed for a bit. Today is Dad's birthday. I think I will not be doing any clearing out today.

i spent yesterday afternoon guarding an immature redtail hawk who wasn't able to fly. called the environmental police, but had to wait for him to get to us. Helped distract her while he got her cornered so he could capture her. Thankfully, I know of a raptor rehabber, so had already set up a place for her to be taken to if we were lucky enough to grab her. Her left shoulder is drooping and may have a broken bone, unfortunately if it's the one the rehabber thinks it is, she may not be able to fly again. Time well spent even though it was about 3 hours.

going to paint at Mom's today.
Posted By: DonH Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/17/21 04:49 PM
FWIW I replaced my old oil furnace and A/C with a new Daikin furnace and A/C. They had to install new lines for gas plus exhaust (gas was not available on my street when the 1990s furnace and AC were installed. They removed the old equipment and oil tank and even gave me two years of tuneups etc. I can tell you I’ve had zero problems either either of them. Very high quality units that work great. This was 6 years ago to the month and was $8,500 total. Of course that’s Midwest vs California and we were not seeing the levels of inflation nor worker shortage but $13K does seem significantly higher for a six year difference. Daiken was just making inroads to the USA and offered a rebate as well so that helped. You won’t go wrong with their quality though. I’d think $10K might be closer to what I’d have to pay today - though just a guess.
Posted By: DnJ Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/17/21 05:56 PM
Hello kml

With the current world’s supply chain issues, the associated costs of construction and materials has skyrocketed.

In the last two years the cost of furnace and air conditioner installations and equipment has almost tripled. At work, I have a substation control building with a still not functional heater/air conditioner. There simply is no unit available. None. Zero stock.

Dishwashers are a ten month back order. Lumber, when you can get it, is three times more than last year. High end mountain bikes (an enthusiast at work, not me) are being ordered and fully pre-paid for an expected summer 2024 delivery. Wow, dropping $5000+ for something you might have in 32 months. Snowmobiles, motorcycles, hot tubs, etc. All are experiencing shortages and the price follows the supply/demand ideology.

You luckily have contractors with equipment. The price is elevated, yet you can get it fixed.

Sounds pretty good from here. smile

D
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/18/21 04:29 AM
That sounds stressful with the hawk - that would wear me out.

I did have a very productive day today too - my regular early Sunday AM hike and lattes with Survival Goddess, then too two short file cabinets and a couple boxes of books and Xmas stuff to Goodwill, then grocery shopping at our local health food store. Then a little more work on the garage, two large items that my oldest son will take up to middle son next weekend since he happens to be going up there. ( One is a microwave I’ve been storing for him - by sheer chance, the microwave his old roommate left behind has just broken the latch, so perfect time for him to take his old one back. Then I made a (futile) run to the pharmacy for CMMs new medication (it’ll be in tomorrow) and made chicken Pad Thai for dinner (yes, I cooked! I remember how! And even made the sauce from scratch since the grocery stores were out of the gluten free brand).

The garage is looking better, although there’s still a lot that needs weeding. This is enough though to be totally out of the way of the workmen. And to look like a reasonably well-organized garage, if a little overstuffed. (Btw, this crowded garage thing is a pretty new phenomenon for me - in my marital home the garage was never crowded, everything fit in the shelving unit on one side and workbench and tool caddy on the other. Hoping to get back to that, instead of the extra line full of boxes etc. that forms an aisle with the shelves. )
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/18/21 04:50 AM
Yeah D - I asked about supply chain issues. The second company - more expensive but bigger - has two trucks coming in tomorrow. And apparently, the larger unit needed for my home is less common and therefore, oddly, easier to get. Third estimate tomorrow and then I’m gonna make my mind up quick to lock in the equipment. I feel sorry for anyone whose furnace breaks in the middle of winter. At least we have mild weather forecast for the next couple weeks, and probably well beyond that. And I’m well aware that costs are up because of the supply chain issues - I helped my son buy a new car a couple months ago. The lack of stock was shocking. We are living through exceptionally interesting times.
Posted By: Traveler Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/18/21 07:49 AM
Originally Posted by Butterfly
i spent yesterday afternoon guarding an immature redtail hawk who wasn't able to fly. called the environmental police, but had to wait for him to get to us. Helped distract her while he got her cornered so he could capture her. Thankfully, I know of a raptor rehabber, so had already set up a place for her to be taken to if we were lucky enough to grab her. Her left shoulder is drooping and may have a broken bone, unfortunately if it's the one the rehabber thinks it is, she may not be able to fly again. Time well spent even though it was about 3 hours.
I love your desire to preserve life of all sorts. It's amazing they took your help capturing it, and you "happened to know" a raptor rehabilitator the environmental police would take her to.

PS - No rats harmed yet in my garage.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/18/21 08:34 AM
Originally Posted by kml
That sounds stressful with the hawk - that would wear me out.

yes, it was tiring but also exhilirsitng because I knew she was in good hands, would get a decent meal and be able to rest. she went for her X-ray yesterday ... rehabber will keep me posted on her progress.

Originally Posted by kml
I did have a very productive day today too - my regular early Sunday AM hike and lattes with Survival Goddess, then too two short file cabinets and a couple boxes of books and Xmas stuff to Goodwill, then grocery shopping at our local health food store. Then a little more work on the garage, two large items that my oldest son will take up to middle son next weekend since he happens to be going up there. ( One is a microwave I’ve been storing for him - by sheer chance, the microwave his old roommate left behind has just broken the latch, so perfect time for him to take his old one back. Then I made a (futile) run to the pharmacy for CMMs new medication (it’ll be in tomorrow) and made chicken Pad Thai for dinner (yes, I cooked! I remember how! And even made the sauce from scratch since the grocery stores were out of the gluten free brand).

The garage is looking better, although there’s still a lot that needs weeding. This is enough though to be totally out of the way of the workmen. And to look like a reasonably well-organized garage, if a little overstuffed. (Btw, this crowded garage thing is a pretty new phenomenon for me - in my marital home the garage was never crowded, everything fit in the shelving unit on one side and workbench and tool caddy on the other. Hoping to get back to that, instead of the extra line full of boxes etc. that forms an aisle with the shelves. )

you're productivity just wore me out!!
I got a coat of primer on the walls over at Mom's. It was Dad's bday, so I didn't really feel up to doing much. Ran errands. Son has a head cold so spent time nursing him. I did have a couple friends volunteer to help me with the clean out when I get to it.

love pad Thai!
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/18/21 05:00 PM
It's emotional, clearing out your parent's stuff. One of the small file cabinets was from my mother's closet, nothing too important in it, but there was a gold-plated heart-shaped paperweight in the drawer and now I wonder, what was the history of that object? Did one of my siblings or one of her grandchildren give it to her? Was it a love token from my father, or the man she had a long love affair with as a widow in middle age? Or just a gift from a student from her teaching days?
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/18/21 06:39 PM
yeah ... completely loaded. one friend, we are beyond sisters... i feel completely safe having her help. another friend. .. i love her dearly but no, she does not have the temperment to hold space the way i need it to be held in this instance. maybe after the more emotional stuff is finished she could come by. any sooner would just upset me more. this i already know.

did you keep the paperweight?
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/18/21 06:53 PM
Yes - I'll ask my sister if she knows anything about its provenance.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/19/21 09:10 PM
Got my third estimate yesterday - was higher than the other two and they didn't really have a solution for the gate, seems like, from what CMM told me, their solution was to use the more expensive slimline compressor and leave the old one there??

So I'm going to go with the company that has the hoist and can just lift the compressors over the fence. It was the middle estimate, the name-brand Daikin (although all three offered units made by the same company, Goodman and Amana), and the installers are a large and well-reviewed company in our area.
Posted By: AndrewP Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/19/21 09:57 PM
Do they also offer a service package? I have had the same company come in every year and do a an inspection and service. Oddly since I normally avoid monthly commitments, I pay $18/month which is the same as the cost of the service and that also gets me priority service in case something does go wrong.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/20/21 03:50 AM
Yes, they do. Signing papers tomorrow so we can get this ball rolling.
Posted By: DnJ Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/20/21 11:14 AM
Use the more expensive compressor and leave the old one there. SMH. Thanks. No.

Just look at how much they made the other business shine. smile
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/20/21 02:27 PM
Right? At first when CMM was telling me about it (his chemo brain’s a little fuzzy sometimes) I thought he meant they were going to use the old compressor - which made NO sense, it’s 28 years old and rusted. Then when I looked at the estimate and saw the slimline compressor, I figured out what they had meant. Crazy. I mean, this can’t be a problem they haven’t encountered before, right?
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/26/21 04:15 PM
Well it’s been a busy few days. CMM went into a-fib after trying the fentanyl patches they were switching him to. He had blood work Friday and we held off signing the hospice papers until we got the results on Monday - good thing we did, because he was very anemic and we are in the infusion center right now getting him tanked up with two units. (They won’t transfuse you on hospice care). This happened before over a year ago when chemo effects on his gut caused severe iron deficiency - I’m pretty sure it’s the same today, which sadly means he may not be able to take the oral chemo he was on. This anemia was also probably a factor in his a-fib.

He should feel a lot better after this. Since the anemia is not due to his cancer directly, there’s no need for him to die from that. I think he’s still got at least a couple good months left in him before he really goes downhill, but it’s anyone’s guess.

Cancelled patients for today, which is just as well , since my furnace-AC is also being installed today. My son is home with the installers.
Posted By: AndrewP Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/26/21 04:38 PM
{{kml+cmm}}
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/26/21 07:39 PM
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
Posted By: Traveler Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/26/21 09:54 PM
A-fib sounds scary. I'm so glad CMM has you to help, got the transfusion in time, and has good months left. Sending hugs and well wishes to you two.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/27/21 11:37 PM
Got home from the infusion center yesterday midday and the furnace/AC was already installed and the installers gone! And my gate is intact! Glad I went with the guys who really seemed to know what they were doing. AND the invoice they emailed me today had an option to pay with my credit card, which means I'll get some cash back on the deal.

CMM had a better night's sleep last night and has stayed out of a-fib which is good. I'm at work today and playing a bit of catch up since I was out yesterday.

Watched another episode of Impeachment last night - in this episode, Bill has to come clean with Hillary that he hadn't told her the whole truth about Monica (the DNA test on the dress had come back). Kinda brings back flashbacks of BD. The show is really well done, for those who are interested. (On FX).

Also watched the new Dune on HBO Max over the weekend with my oldest son. I really loved it. Visually stunning, they didn't try to cram too much in (this is episode 1 of 2, plus they streamlined the storyline a bit). I like it so much better than the old David Lynch version. Special effects are great. Score is great. Of course, my son had to point out every place where they altered the plot or left something out, but he really liked it too.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/27/21 11:53 PM
I'm so glad the heating/ac situation is behind you. isn't it great when you have people working who know what they're doing and do a good job?

glad CMM was able to sleep better last night. Mom's in chronic a-fib, so I get it. xoxoxo hugs to you both.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/27/21 11:59 PM
Yeah, the a-fib would be a real problem if it continued, because then he would need blood thinners to prevent a stroke - BUT - the blood thinners would likely cause him to bleed more and become more anemic. I'm relieved it resolved on its own and am giving him supplements to try to keep him in normal sinus rhythm (magnesium, B12, CoQ10).
Posted By: Traveler Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/31/21 05:52 PM
Happy Halloween, kml. (:
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 10/31/21 08:30 PM
Thanks, CW. CMM looked better yesterday, although he still isn’t sleeping great. I had my Moderna booster yesterday - no side effects this time! - and got my Sunday morning walk in with an old member of this board who moved to my area last year. Son and I tried out an eggnog pumpkin pie receipt - waiting to taste test it. I’ve done my laundry and will mop the kitchen floor later, but that’s all I need to do today.

Hope everyone has a good day!
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/01/21 06:03 PM
Well the eggnog pumpkin pie turned out yummy, although I think I prefer my pumpkin pie plain and less sweet.

CMM had an insight yesterday that he may not be sleeping because he's afraid to sleep (as in, he might not wake up). I think he may be right since he naps perfectly comfortably when I'm there next to him. (I'm there at night too but I sleep like the dead.) He did seem to have more energy yesterday and he spent part of the day sorting paperwork that he has been meaning to get to.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/03/21 06:13 PM
{{{{{ CMM }}}}}
Posted By: Dawn70 Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/05/21 07:43 PM
What a rough realization that must be. Continued prayers for both of you.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/08/21 12:33 AM
Quiet weekend here. CMM is doing ok. Figured out a way to prop him up better in bed and while he’s still not sleeping great, he’s at least getting closer to his previous sleep pattern. I’ll grill steaks for dinner in a bit. It’s quite a change, cooking dinner! Between CMM and my mom, I haven’t been responsible for cooking dinner for ten years - a welcome respite after after all those years of cooking for a family of five! But thankfully I still remember how, and CMM has taught me exactly how to grill the steaks the way he does.

I finally watched the Sparks Brothers documentary on Netflix. One of the talking heads in this documentary is someone I knew through my best friend. A lovely man, a real mensch, much beloved by his numerous friends. Sadly, he committed suicide a couple of years ago. It was such a shock, no note, no obvious warning signs, no explanation - it left a hole in the hearts of all who knew him. But it was sweet to see him in this film, looking every bit of the guy we all remember.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/15/21 04:28 AM
Another quiet weekend. CMM has gotten a bit more sleep the last few days and that seems to be helping quite a bit. The trick seems to be keeping meals smaller and dinner liquid.

My best friend had to call my ex this week with a medical question related to his specialty. He was busy arranging heart surgery for his father. None of my kids have heard anything about their grandfather having surgery. Sad that my ex communicates so little with his own kids.

Speaking of which - as CMM and I were doing some planning, he made me promise not to contact his estranged daughters after he dies. I don’t think I’ll keep that promise - the girls deserve to at least know when he’s gone. And although he won’t leave much behind, there are a couple of items I should at least offer to them ( his golf clubs - I don’t golf but they do; their grandmother’s crystal - not of any value and I doubt young people want it, but I feel I should offer it). I find it so sad that they are so estranged, but there’s nothing I can do about that. And really, they may have very legitimate reasons for cutting him off, I don’t know. He certainly hasn’t done the things I would expect a parent to do, to try to reconcile with one’s kids.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/20/21 07:50 PM
Went to the first concert I’ve seen since the start of the pandemic. I’d bought the tickets months ago when things were looking good as far as the pandemic. I considered not going, but the artist demanded very stringent Covid precautions so I felt very safe going. You had to have two vaccinations, (or a negative test within 72 hours), show your card and photo ID in the outdoors line, metal detector, and masks required at all times indoors. Since it was a Randy Rainbow show with a liberal audience, adherence to the mask requirement was GREAT - most wore N95 or similar masks, I didn’t see anyone with their mask below their nose or any lame t-shirt masks or the like.

My son and I (we’ve both had our boosters) had a great time. I hired a caregiver to sit with CMM (even though he’s pretty self sufficient at this time, it was too long to leave him alone and I didn’t want him to be nervous. ). Expensive but worth the peace of mind.

Now I’m housecleaning and prepping for an early Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. One son is going out of town on Thanksgiving, and the other two are off work tomorrow, so this day just works best. It’s been many months since we’ve all been together so I’m looking forward to. All are vaccinated, and only one son hasn’t had his booster yet .
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/20/21 07:54 PM
PS watched King Richard on HBO Max. Good movie with Will Smith as the father of Serena and Venus Williams. Kind of a crazy story!
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/20/21 08:53 PM
glad you went out and had fun. My goal of seeing the Hoodoo Gurus is once again thwarted. The show we bought tickets for in 2019 has been cancelled. It was re-scheduled on two occasions. My guess is the band can't leave Australia due to that country's restrictions. Bummer. It was a sold out show with strict Covid precautions in place.

Happy Thanksgiving, a tad early.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/22/21 03:37 AM
Had a nice (early) Thanksgiving dinner with my kids today. Met my youngest son’s new girlfriend, I like her very much. That son seems the happiest and healthiest he’s been in a long time. It’s a load off my mind. It was good to have all three sons together.
Posted By: Elbereth Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/22/21 04:06 PM
That’s wonderful!
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/23/21 09:42 PM
Spoke on the phone with the hospice doctor who will initiate the Aid in Dying paperwork for CMM (our state has a relatively new assisted dying law. ) CMM is well aware that most people who request the meds don't take them, but believes he will feel better knowing he has that option if it becomes intolerable. Turns out, the doctor was on the faculty in the family medicine program at my school when I was a medical student, great guy, I remember him well. He says he came out of retirement to do this work - god bless him.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/25/21 11:09 PM
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/26/21 07:02 PM
Ugh - rough nite. CMM became confused last night. I’m not sure if the cause but it came along with a bad bout of myoclonus, which he gets if his morphine level is too high with other meds. So I’m guessing he messed up his pills yesterday and took too much of something. (He stubbornly insists on taking his own meds - he’s ocd and has a system - but I’m gonna have to insist on laying them out in a pill box now. ). His oxygen levels are fine so that’s not the cause.

Anyway - he got mad at me in his confusion - he wanted me to walk his oxygen hose to the bathroom to prove it would reach but since he was attached to the other end of course I could only go halfway. He couldn’t understand that and became stubborn and refused to come to bed, instead sitting in his office chair and falling asleep there. So he woke me up once when he tried to climb into bed later and fell on the carpeted floor and took off his oxygen cannula. Finally I got him tucked into bed and went back to sleep. Then at 4 am he rolled on top of me and then insisted on continuing to roll right off the bed on my side. That was a whole other project to get him up off the floor and tucked back in on his side of the bed.

He’s a little better this morning but not completely clear. Tomorrow is the visit from the doctor about aid in dying meds and I need him to be back to his baseline mental state for that!

I’m glad I have these days off, hoping he returns to his senses before I go back to work Monday. This would be a lot for my son to handle if he’s still like this Monday.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/27/21 04:56 AM
Well, I thought this was going to be a temporary thing but CMM remains confused all day. I think we may have abruptly entered a new phase of the dying process. Yesterday he was planning a sushi lunch for today with my son. Today he could barely eat three pieces and slept most of the day. I thought initially it might have been due to him making a medication error but I managed his meds today and that doesn’t appear to be the cause. frown And although his oxygen levels were good last night, they’re slipping today.

I’m prepared but honestly wasn’t expecting this abrupt decline quite so soon.
Posted By: Traveler Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/27/21 06:23 AM
kml, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm thankful CMM has you by his side.
Posted By: AndrewP Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/27/21 01:53 PM
{{{kml + cmm}}}
Posted By: DnJ Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/27/21 02:53 PM
Good Morning kml

The abruptness of CMM’s transition sounds a bit shocking; not unexpected, rather the speed of the decline. I do hope he regains enough awareness and is not too confused so to be able to sign the paperwork for aid in dying medication. He may or may not actually utilize it, it’s having the option and availability which will bring some further comfort.

Thinking of you, CMM, and son. You’ve for sure got your hands full, and are one levelheaded gal. (((Hug)))

May you and your’s be blessed.

D
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/27/21 03:15 PM
Yeah - I don’t know if he’s capable of doing the aid in dying visit today. He’s pretty confused. He kept me up most of the night (I guess I should have tried harder to keep him awake during the day yesterday). His brain is perseverating on some idea - he keeps trying to teach me “stop the sequence, stop the fall” and then insists I must know what the next two steps are. When a really stubborn OCD man gets this confused, he can be really difficult. And he won’t take the Haldol I’d like to give him right now from our hospice emergency kit.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/27/21 11:31 PM
Thankfully CMM’s brain seems to be clearing this afternoon, although we postponed the doctors visit.

Hopefully it will still be clear tomorrow and we can reschedule.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/28/21 03:42 PM
Mom's now on haldol. It seems to help with the delusions a little bit, but too soon to really tell. We think she's in the 20% of people for whom ativan has the opposite of the intended result.

poor CMM .. sending hugs and prayers to you both.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/28/21 08:17 PM
Yeah, Ativan made CMM hallucinate - no benzos for him!
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/28/21 08:30 PM
Being at home with a loved on on hospice is really one of the most difficult things you will go through . Please make sure you take care of yourself too.

I was a home hospice nurse for a bit. Seroquel worked wonders. Low dose 25 mg would probably go a long way.

You’re a good person
Posted By: bttrfly Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/28/21 09:28 PM
kinda makes one wonder about Chris Cornell and ativan, eh?
Posted By: Dawn70 Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/29/21 07:40 PM
Continued prayers for CMM and you. (((((kml and cmm)))))
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/29/21 11:41 PM
Thanks everybody. CMM actually looks a bit better today. The hospice doctor came by to do the Aid in Dying paperwork. Bless him for doing this work. I also arranged the sale of CMM’s car back to the dealership, they are bringing the paperwork over now to be signed. That will free up a couple thousand that can help pay for some homecare and/ or cremation expenses when the time comes.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 11/29/21 11:53 PM
(Just to be clear - I don’t actually think CMM will take the drugs to end his life - something like 85% don’t. But the peace of mind in knowing that he could choose to do so if his suffering became intolerable is worthwhile to him. And it’s all his choice.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 12/02/21 01:46 AM
CMM had a couple really good days. This morning though he woke up at 4 am to go to the bathroom and rather than wake me up to help, he hit up himself and fell and bumped his head. And he was so groggy from lack of sleep that by the time I got him settled back, I was awake for the duration.

Hospice nurse stopped by later in the morning and called to note he seemed a bit confused - I filled her in on the events of the last week. He seems fine tonight, although a bit hungry, since he didn’t really eat today. Making him dinner now.

My sister got her Covid booster yesterday - she’d had an allergic reaction to her second shot, so she got J and J yesterday. Thankfully that went ok. She’s asthmatic and allergic to nuts and grass and lots of things. Thankful she was able to get her booster as she works in a school.

My middle son was panicky yesterday - his health insurance is changing and his expenses will go up by about $400 a month, which he cannot afford. I emailed my ex today, suggesting he and I each contribute $200 a month FB for this year, to help him get in his feet. ( His income will go up substantially in a little over a year when he gets his LCSW, but he struggles with three different serious chronic diseases). Awaiting response from my ex. Son was upset that I did this - he would rather not have any financial strings with his dad at all. But I’m stretched really thin right now and need him to carry some of the wait. I told son let’s wait and give him a chance to surprise us.
Posted By: DnJ Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 12/02/21 03:18 AM
Hello kml

I’m glad CMM’s paperwork got done. Both drugs and car.

A shame he fell and hit his head. These things are to be expected I suppose. (((Hug)))

It’s nice that CMM has a choice. I’m sure it brings him a measure of peace knowing he has options.

I agree with contacting XH and suggesting splitting the $400 to help out son. I understand son not wanting to have financial strings to Dad. However, his choices are rather limited at the moment, and I like seeing if Dad will step up and surprise you two. If not, I know you’ll figure it out. You’re rather practical. A pretty good thing, in my opinion.

D
Posted By: Eagle3 Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 12/02/21 10:52 AM
A lot of respect for what you do for CMM.
This shows you have a very big heart kml.
A lot of strength in the weeks/months to come.

Perfect response to ask for contribution from ex. I'm curious what his reaction will be.
Hopefully it turns out in a positive way.
How many times do you still have contact with him?
Posted By: Traveler Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 12/02/21 07:24 PM
Originally Posted by kml
I hit $15k in legal fees today which is depressing since I have $800 to my name
Interesting! My GF had an allergic reaction to her second dose--I think it was Moderna. They advised no boosters. I was surprised, expecting them to suggest Pfizer or J&J. I wonder why your sister received different advice than my GF.

Originally Posted by kml
he hit up himself and fell and bumped his head.
I'm sorry CMM went through a rough day, but glad he has your support through this. Caring for him sounds challenging at times. Do take care of yourself, too!
Posted By: job Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 12/02/21 08:19 PM
Keeping CMM in my thoughts and prayers and hope that he is resting comfortably. Thinking of you as well, as you are the care giver and are so patient with him. He is a lucky man to have you in his life.

Please take some time for yourself, if you can.

When you have the time, please start a new thread and link the two threads together.
Posted By: Dawn70 Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 12/02/21 08:43 PM
Oh my, kml....continuing my prayers for CMM and you. May you both find some rest and peace in the days ahead.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 12/02/21 11:00 PM
CW - think you misquoted. I definitely don’t have $15 k in legal bills and definitely have more than $800 to my name!

The CDC recommendation if you have an allergic reaction ( I’m talking true allergy) to the mRNA vaccines that you switch to J and J. That’s because we think the allergies to them are caused by PEG, and J and J vaccine doesn’t contain PEG. ( It does contain polysorbate 80, which sometimes people with PEG allergy can cross react to). Now, my sister didn’t have a full blown anaphylactic episode last time - she did have some difficulty breathing and got a breathing treatment and took Benadryl (should have used her epipen that time but that’s another story). She did pretty good this time with J and J - only some slight itchiness controlled with Benadryl, feels 100% today 36 hours later.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 12/02/21 11:08 PM
New thread:

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2926924
Posted By: DonH Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 12/02/21 11:35 PM
Originally Posted by kml
That’s because we think the allergies to them are caused by PEG, and J and J vaccine doesn’t contain...

The key words in that sentence and everything that came after is “we think”. That’s been the problem with most of this all along. We may think but we clearly do not know - starting way back at the beginning when we thought there would be 2.2 million deaths within months. This cross immunization/booster has not even been studied - especially using J & J as the booster for one of the other vastly differently designed vaccines. So I have little surprise of different health professionals giving vastly different recommendations. There is way more questions among and from those heath professionals determined not to be silenced. That’s how it always used to be until, the world turned upside down and doctors are no longer allowed to practice medicine unless it fits firmly within the mode of the institution they work for. It’s scary as sht. We are in totally uncharted territory yet statements are made as if the science has been in for 20 years - like say with taking a baby aspirin daily. Oh wait never mind. (Those not aware, this guide me just had a major change after dozens of years. That’s true medicine - where changes are made after more is learned.
Posted By: kml Re: Onward and…. well, onward - 12/03/21 04:38 AM
This is how science works. And we actually know a great deal about boosters and the vaccines. England has used Pfizer after Astra Zeneca for a long time and we have tons of research data on that. There’s virtually nothing in the mRNA vaccines that could cause an allergic reaction except the little bit of PEG on one of the fats. This is a rare allergen - most people have no reaction to it. Miralax is PEG, it’s in your toothpaste etc.

The real problem is people conflating very rare risks of the vaccines with the HUGE risks of Covid infections. Also people have exaggerated ideas of their own health. I had a 75 year old unvaccinated patient tell me today she wasn’t worried because the death rate from Covid was only 0.1% and she didn’t have risk factors. Well, first of all, that number is wrong. Second, she has multiple risk factors, including obesity, hypertension, and AGE. Her odds of dying if she gets Covid are closer to 5-10%. But she’s “done her research” (she has zero science or medical background). The death of respect for knowledge and expertise is frightening. It’s like she wants to rewire her house herself with zero electrical training, and thinks she knows more than an experienced electrician.

For those who actually want to read reputable, scientifically sound updates on Covid topics I recommend the blog Your Local Epidemiologist. She’s a PhD epidemiologist at the University of Texas who also has a masters degree in public health, and she puts up very timely blog posts whenever there’s news about Covid, complete with references, charts and graphs, inside j go about discussions in regulatory meetings etc.




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