Old thread - Rebuilding and Renewal - 4
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2919769&page=1Busy weekend.
I purchased my cemetery plot today. And since this was a transaction in my rural area, much of it was leaning on the bed of a pickup talking in the slow way we do here about all the various relatives etc. I'm not 100% sure but can probably with 90% certainty say that I am related to the man who officially was representing the cemetery board while his wife did the actual paperwork. Various ancient scandals and stories were exhumed and discussed.
My joke that I only needed a single plot because mentioning to someone you're dating that you've already picked out their cemetery plot for them is probably a turn-off was met with guffaws. It worked out well to do this transaction today as not only is it in between calving and hay season, there was an internment today so I wandered around "visiting" until they were ready for me.
Part of the conversation is about how challenging it is for them to ensure the cemetery continues to be maintained - "this younger generation" blah blah blah. He's trying to get his son (21) to start taking over from him with only modest success so far.
He also mentioned one interesting aside in that many internments aren't as smooth as he might like and there are various conflicts that sometimes come out. He's glad that my own situation will be simple and well organized. I expect those that aren't are more difficult.
On the way home I sang a lovely song by Danny Schmidt - "Company of Friends" to myself and felt slightly melancholy. I have no intention on using this plot any time soon but am glad that it is all sorted out. When I do eventually shuffle off, knowing that I have a spot to Rest where I want to is reassuring.
I've made copies of all the paperwork and sent it off to my kids so they have it on file along with instructions on how to use it when the time comes. I did ask and the rules at this cemetery is that a double plot can hold up to 6 and a single plot 3. I said that while the kids and I had discussed it in general terms that I wasn't going to put their names down. I was assured that if needed that it can be sorted out and doesn't have to be set right now.
Second load of laundry is out on the line - late in the day, I may have to toss it into the dryer. While I was hanging it out my neighbour came over to ask if they could pick from my rhubarb patch. I told them that it was done for the year but that next year they were welcome. They had moved away from the village for a few years and then moved back only recently so know me and my family and asked after the kids. They asked after my ex as well and if I knew what she was up to and shook their heads when I just said that she and the guy she ran off with had bought a house in the small town just to the north and that I really didn't know anything else other than that she had also stopped working at the liquor store.
---
Not much else going on. Work continues to be crazy. I messaged my best friend who I haven't seen in probably over a year that we need to find a patio to have a visit on soon now that we're starting to re-open. As is the case everywhere, restaurants are having a problem finding staff. Where we would meet which is a short drive from the plant is a "university town" with 2 large universities and at least 2 colleges so there should be kids looking for work I would hope.
Lots to do this weekend still - I need to do the sweeping / dusting / vacuuming. I did the scrubbing last weekend. The grass needs cutting. I broke down and bought new trousers that match my current waistline that will need pressing along with my shirts that need ironing.
I'm going to try smoked kippers with my breakfast tomorrow - a call-out to any Red Dwarf fans out there. I have to read up on how to cook them. I also want to make some cuttings of my lilacs and see if I can get them to root. I have the rooting hormone and read that it's best to put them into sand (waves to Dawn
) The lilacs are 30+ years old and aren't spreading organically so starting some fresh shoots where I want them might make sense.
Enough for now - not much really going on but I figured I'd do a footprint for the current thread.
Happy Weekend all.
Happy Wednesday!
Not much going on here but I thought I'd wander by.
My son wandered over on Sunday to borrow my power drill and we had a nice visit. I felt bad because it was late afternoon when he got here and I felt that I should invite him to stay for dinner but had a stack of work to do in the office that meant that I really didn't have the time for more than just a basic meal. As it was, it was rather late before I got to bed.
I did invite him over for next weekend but he countered, inviting me to his place next Sunday for Father's Day. I'll bring a pie. I've not had a meal at his place before - it should be nice. He's a really good cook.
---
I sent off payment #44 of 77 to my ex-wife earlier this week and before I did, re-read separation agreement to double check the number of payments and was surprised to notice that there's what appears to be a "non-reconciliation clause" in it.
I looked it up and it's a standard clause so probably just copy/pasted from a standard template. An online template has this one
FREEDOM FROM THE OTHER
The husband and the wife will not annoy, harass, molest or in any way interfere with the other or attempt to compel the other to live with him or her.Mine also includes wording that neither of us will harrass directly or indirectly the other OR their partners. Blah blah blah - whatever. I suppose her hiding in the shrubberies was more humorous than harassing
I still can't imagine a scenario where she would have the remorse necessary nor can I imagine going back into that life of walking on eggshells all the time.
And like that co-worker I mentioned the other day - I can see any attempt to have an under-current of anger and distrust - probably on both sides. I no longer feel any sort of "duty" towards her - took a long time to let that go. Like I was commenting on the other day, she also comes with significant baggage including people who I consider toxic that I don't want in my life again.
Those scenarios and considering the baggage that others will have - certainly continues to push me towards reluctance to share my space again. And a lot of that baggage certainly doesn't get revealed early on. Maybe I'm getting too paranoid - or perhaps not.
---
I just got my hydro bill - a whole $67.41 which I thought was perhaps a record low value, but in 2017 when it was also just me in the house my bill was $63.63. Certainly nothing to complain about. This is a pretty low action household. I produce about enough garbage to put one can out once a month now. There were 4 every 2 weeks when S and her "loafer litter" (love that phrase bttrfly) were here. It's probably inappropriate to lurk on a potential date's curb on garbage night to see how much trash they generate
Lifestyle-wise though, I think that could be a good predictor of compatibility.
---
Still struggling with work. There's just sooo much going on. I was working until about 8:30 last night getting things ready for the plant for today. Up at 6:00 this morning, at my home-office desk before 7:00 although I have taken a break now that the plant is running along for now. Lots of things going wrong lately. With 2 competitors on at least partial shut-down we have more orders than we can fulfil so have to constantly juggle things. I think I have more of a sense of humour about it than perhaps my predecessors. I did make a suggestion to one customer that if they kept missing their appointments that they should be bringing coffee and doughnuts for everyone else who is inconvenienced
The control room suggested that I up the ante and ask for pizza.
I'm on site 3 days / week for now which will probably go up to 4 days. COVID case counts are dropping like a stone up here, things appear to be getting back to a more normal. I have to reach out to my best friend who I've not seen in over a year to see if we can find a seat on a patio and catch up.
My boss I know is frustrated with how slow I am picking things up as am I and reminds me - and himself - that the things he's needing me to do he has 30+ years of experience doing and we both know that to be able to intuitively see the "bigger picture" takes time and experience. He did let slip in a conversation with one of the railways we deal with that he is intending on retiring in 3-4 years (he's 6 months older than me) and I'll probably take over a portion of his job. Assuming I don't burn out or go mad first. I do have a stack of lottery tickets to check and last night's draw was 70 million.
Well - time for a fresh pot of tea and to see if everything is running ok realizing that something probably has popped up that needs to be looked at.
Good luck with those lottery tickets! Sparky and I are holding out hope to hit one here, but I guess that means we must actually buy tickets first.
Yay for covid numbers dropping and Sunday Father's Day dinner at your son's place. I hope you enjoy it and your time with him.
Try to get some down time and relax when you can. This job is consuming an awful lot of your time and energy.
How's Monty?
If the boss is planning to retire in 3-4 years and expecting you to step into his shoes, shouldn't you have an assistant right now who could start to learn the job you are doing now, or at least some of it? These hours really aren't sustainable (or at least, he should be paying you a lot more for working them).
As for being paranoid about dating - healthy boundaries isn't being paranoid. But maybe this pandemic and new position at work have been good things in that they have enforced a break from dating to give you time to recover and get your thinking straight on that.
As for that clause in the divorce papers - wow. I don't think mine had anything like that, but then again, I could have skipped right over something like that at the time. Doesn't seem like it has any teeth in terms of enforcement. But seems like the projection or guilt of a WAS - "Don't come after me trying to reconcile and don't bother my affair partner". Seriously? Good riddance!
Those scenarios and considering the baggage that others will have - certainly continues to push me towards reluctance to share my space again. And a lot of that baggage certainly doesn't get revealed early on. Maybe I'm getting too paranoid - or perhaps not.
As for being paranoid about dating - healthy boundaries isn't being paranoid.
This is an interesting point. Dawn and Sparky seem like an amazing couple. They're married, incredibly supportive of each other, and all-in. Dawn still sets healthy boundaries for herself like, "No, I will not live in MIL's house." Perhaps one of the ladies I'm dating and I will pair up, and she has a monstrous amount of debt or a son who's a drug addict. We could date, get intimate, fall in love, and even move in. I'd still have to set and enforce boundaries like, "No, your son will not live with me until he's clean." or "No, I will not marry you while you have so much debt."
This is an interesting point. Dawn and Sparky seem like an amazing couple. They're married, incredibly supportive of each other, and all-in. Dawn still sets healthy boundaries for herself like, "No, I will not live in MIL's house." Perhaps one of the ladies I'm dating and I will pair up, and she has a monstrous amount of debt or a son who's a drug addict. We could date, get intimate, fall in love, and even move in. I'd still have to set and enforce boundaries like, "No, your son will not live with me until he's clean." or "No, I will not marry you while you have so much debt."
Honestly, CW, I don't know that Sparky and I are "amazing" as much as I think our relationship is a product of both of us having been in relationships that didn't survive and we now, as "mature" adults, know how to better communicate and be a good partner, but also know the importance of taking care of ourselves in the process. I'm no good to Sparky if I'm all down and out and vice versa. I don't mean that we don't have bad, sad, angry days or whatever, but if I'm not taking care of me, I can't take care of Sparky. It is like that old saying about in order to be happy with someone, you must first be happy with yourself. I think Sparky and I are both at an age where we really understand that. Younger people don't because happiness is more externally motivated when you are younger. I also think that we realize that a relationship ending, while sad and tough to process the loss, is not the be all end all and there IS love and happiness to be found again. Once we figure out that we are going to live through that divorce or break-up and get real about what makes us happy, there is a more authentic feel to a relationship. I wouldn't say Sparky and I don't fight because we certainly have disagreements, but we are both quick to de-escalate and go ok, now wait, you said this and this is what I heard and this is how that made me feel and the other will go, well, I did say that, but what I meant was this and we can talk through things a lot better.
Sorry for the hi-jack, Andrew!
Sorry for the hi-jack, Andrew!
Not a hi-jack at all. Discussing what makes for a healthy relationship is always good.
Good luck with those lottery tickets! Sparky and I are holding out hope to hit one here, but I guess that means we must actually buy tickets first.
Yay for covid numbers dropping and Sunday Father's Day dinner at your son's place. I hope you enjoy it and your time with him.
Try to get some down time and relax when you can. This job is consuming an awful lot of your time and energy.
How's Monty?
I was on the phone with a customer in Quebec yesterday and we've gone in together on a batch of tickets. I picked them up last night from the convenience store across the street and sent her a copy that included a note that proceeds to be split 50/50 and she e-transferred the money right back. It's a record high prize for here.
With $1 million - which isn't nearly as much as it used to be - I could retire immediately. That's a touch more than I would make working until retirement. Not that I have any real hopes on this. The big prize is $70 million which is a number that I just can't comprehend.
Monty is doing fairly good. He's coughed up a couple of hair-balls recently. I need to be more diligent on brushing him. The vet didn't have the special hypoallergenic food he had been on (with no hair-balls) and substituted one that they assured me was just as good. Because he was adopted, we have no idea exactly why he was on this special food. His humour and activity level is staying consistent and he's not tossing up the food so I'm assuming that with the heat and shedding that he just needs more brushing.
He's not keen on me going away to the plant all day and is currently on my desk whacking my hands with his tail. He usually hangs out for an hour or so in the mornings and then wanders off after first attacking my hands and arms while purring madly.
The water bottle is working well for discipline and he'll stare at me just before deliberately doing something bad. If I pick up the water bottle and point it towards him we have a staring stand-off which he never wins.
---
Work continues to be extra-nuts but next week should be better even if I don't win the lottery. One section of the plant is going into shutdown for a week and so I won't have to plan loads in and out of there. My boss takes on far too much of the load on himself and is one of those people who can make up his mind in 4 different directions within minutes - all correct but different decisions. Last night I got an email from him as I was going to bed telling me to change what tanks were were pulling product from today - since those trucks weren't loading until mid-morning I responded that I would look into it in the morning. This morning, other things had changed - in part because of a mistake at the plant overnight and we were back on the plan that I had put in place the night before. He's well respected but as you can imagine everyone finds it frustrating how he can go all over the map, especially when things are difficult like they are right now.
I'm finding that being on site has helped a lot in building relationships with the guys including the operations manager who I've butted heads with in the past. It's nice as well that I can just get up and walk out and "see" things and talk to people when I need to. I've noticed that the amount of cooperation that I'm getting has gone up a lot in the past few weeks as the guys are getting to know me not as "that guy from corporate" but as "that guy in a bow tie that is wandering around with his clipboard and asking opinions and listening" - or at least so I hope. I try to approach everything with a good humour and a laugh. There are times as well when they guys just want to vent and complain - sometimes about things that I've done and I just let them go - DB 101 I suppose. Usually once they get things off their chest and know that they've been heard then we can work together on making things right.
Happy Father’s Day, Andrew. I hope Monty appreciates what a lucky cat he is. And those human kids, too.
Good Morning Andrew
Happy Father’s Day. Have a wonderful Sunday my friend.
D
Thanks all. I had a nice dinner with my son - he made us porkchops over at his apartment. It was good to see him and "the girls". I'm a bit worried about one of them, she seems to be moving slower than usual, but they're not young any more. I did suggest that he look at getting the girls set up with the vet clinic around the corner from him vs driving them all the way over here. I also picked up a few tips and tricks on how he made dinner - certainly some things to try. It seems to surprise people when I talk about what a good cook he is. Like me, he's not afraid to experiment and just "try things". He used to be very much a "follow the instructions as they are written" kind of guy but has grown more confident in many ways in recent years I think.
I had made a pie and took it over but we got talking and it completely slipped my son's mind to serve it, so he's eating pie all this coming week.
He also is crazy busy at work - he works in an ice cream warehouse so no surprise that this is their busy time of the year. He was pretty unhappy a few months ago and while he's not super happy, he seems more accepting on how things are. Like his mother, he "doesn't suffer fools lightly" and the antics of some of his co-workers was very frustrating to him - but he seems more accepting now. He and his mother are indeed a lot alike and they were pretty close. No clue at all on what sort of relationship they currently have - and it's none of my business.
Since I was driving over for dinner, I made sure that I was all caught up on things here so I did up tomorrow's paperwork for the plant, made my lunch and cleaned up the kitchen this afternoon. I also went out for a short hike at a local nature area and even remembered to dose myself with bug spray first. I'd forgotten my phone in the car when visiting my son and just left it there. There was one thing that popped up that I needed to deal with tonight for a load at 7:00 so fired up the computer to deal with that and figured I'd do a minor posting. I heard from my daughter a few times as well and got a "Happy Father's Day" from her today while I was out on my hike - plus a card in the mail a few days ago.
Happy Father's Day to all the other Dad's out there and special shout out to those Mom's who are pulling double duty.
Batten down the hatches everyone. For the past number of weeks prices on some of the very basic commodities I deal with are going up in price across the board. Our own company is being stretched thin because of shortages from other competitors is driving up demand way past our ability to produce. I have at least 3 orders on my books that I've had to push out because we just plain don't have the product to ship.
Our carriers are being pushed to capacity as well - getting a load out is becoming more and more of a challenge.
Funny - to me - aside. We deal with hazardous goods and will occasionally ship using carriers who aren't our normal ones. Yesterday's drivers were actually a cut above some. They backed up to the dock after only 2 tries although they had a spotter which is probably smart on an unfamiliar dock. We were all rolling our eyes though because mainly they were wearing sandals - which were certainly not safe enough for them to access the plant so we had to do all the loading and securing ourselves. They didn't have the usual holders for the hazardous placards but "did" have double-sided tape and knew what to do with the placards when I gave them to them. It took them 4 tries to get their back doors closed and we were all watching and commenting from the control room when they "finally" pulled out.
Work over-all continues to be very high stress. I'd hoped this week would be easier but no. I had a talk with the operations manager because some of the boundaries between what I had assumed was his job and what was mine have become very blurry. He agreed that - yes indeed - they are very blurry and we agreed that we need to work more tightly together to make sure that the guys are presented with a single plan on what to do for the day.
It doesn't help that things seem to be changing almost hourly. Our over-all boss is generally a great guy who really understands the business and the plant - he's just not a great communicator. You have to have a thick skin on this job as he will point out when you are wrong, even when you were following what you thought were your instructions the previous day. He's a micro-manager who is trying to let go, but in times of stress like now, he grips it all tighter. I got a message at about 10:30 last night pointing out that my loading instructions for the early loads - which were following the usual model - were wrong. And another one from 4:30 this morning that he'd called the plant to change those instructions. Sigh. Given the facts on the ground, he answer was indeed "more right" but it's frustrating to everyone.
He's in a board meeting today so it will be interesting to see what comes out of that. The board should be fairly happy because profits are great, but we're bleeding staff and running the staff we have flat out. I've still not done my dishes from Monday night and yesterday was at the plant from 8-5 and then when I got home worked until 9.
Aaaannnyyhoodles - back to my original point. I believe that some significant inflation is going to be making it's way down the economy and it's going to be widespread.
---
In other news, I sent a note to the vet this morning to see if we can get the cat on to another food. I had to switch him because the hypoallergenic food he was on wasn't available. He tossed a few hairballs which I put down to the heat but is now flipping his cookies in a minor way daily. He's still active and healthy and the litter box indicates that things are moving along, but we'll need to change his diet back if we can.
I've got to check some of the wires and plugs - he chews on those as an attention getting strategy. Doesn't do it when I'm not around, but I noticed one of the plugs is fairly chewed up and will need to be repaired. The water-bottle plus cuddles seems to help. If I notice him getting a bit wound up, I try to give him extra attention which is much better for both of us then him getting a blast of water.
---
I was texting with a former employee last night. She'd reached out to me for a wellness check and because I'm sure she's rather lonely. She once described me as the best boss she'd ever had because I treated her as a colleague and not a woman. She's a couple of years older than me and has a good number of underlying health conditions and when the company she worked for (auto leasing) closed down at the start of the pandemic, she's hunkered down in her apartment with her cat and not been working. She's hoping to get her second shot soon and get working again. She's been single for quite a long time - her first love died after a long illness when she was pretty young, I know of one other where she was cheated on probably when she was in her 30s and there is maybe one other where she was taken advantage of financially and ended up essentially bankrupt. All quite some time ago - at least 10 years.
From the tone of her texting and a phone call we had a couple of months ago plus a few other things, I do wonder if she has a bit of a romanticized vision of our relationship. Difficult thing to navigate if so.
I did dream last night of another former co-worker - a very capable woman who many people underestimate because she's soft spoken - so perhaps things are stirring around in my subconscious. She's still pretty scarred from an abusive marriage and spent a bunch of years building her career and raising her boys. I know she had one very long distance relationship where they would vacation together once or twice a year that ended some time ago. She was a huge support to me, guiding me through the practicalities of divorce and related negotiations as did some others. It certainly was pretty effective in guiding my thoughts to have some high performing sales people in high stakes businesses assisting me with figuring out my negotiations.
Ah well - more than enough for now. I'm no longer intentionally writing on my past cadence, it just happened that way that I had some things to get off my chest.
Like others, I worry about the future of this little corner of the interwebs. It's been, in many ways, very good to me and I am grateful to the MWD organization and the volunteers for keeping it going. But as many have noticed, for many reasons, it's no longer the place it used to be. If it does go into the dustbin of time, I will be sad, but not shocked, nor upset. Sometimes things serve their purpose and then when the time comes, move on.
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.
I believe that some significant inflation is going to be making it's way down the economy and it's going to be widespread.
Which is one reason I am still working to 70. I figure the best way to offset inflation in my retirement plan is to keep working longer. After 70 I may very well continue to work very part time, as even a small income in those years makes a big difference in retirement planning in an inflationary period. Unfortunately, the pension I get a portion of through my ex does not have COLA. So inflation will hurt that part of my retirement plan.
My one son revealed the other day that his father has paid off his duplex (really a triplex as it also has a small studio that he airbnb's out). Not a bad retirement plan, but at the same time my ex was paying off a 1.2 million dollar property in 12 years, he was crying poor to the kids and refusing to help same son with his last year of graduate school. I could have MY house paid off now too if only HE had borne an equal share of the financial burden for our kids after divorce. Grrrrr.
Can you get some kind of cord protector for the cat? I'm thinking plastic tubes with a slit lengthwise that you could slip over the cord. Does he need more toys to chew on? Maybe one of those automatic laser toys for him to chase around and wear him out?
The amount of time you are spending on your job seems unsustainable - it really seems like you need an assistant, or trainee, or to have parts of your job delegated.
Can you get some kind of cord protector for the cat? I'm thinking plastic tubes with a slit lengthwise that you could slip over the cord. Does he need more toys to chew on? Maybe one of those automatic laser toys for him to chase around and wear him out?
It's an attention getting thing, not a play thing. He only does it when and where I can see him do it. I forgot to pick up a new plug for the fan cord he's chewed - need to do some more basic temporary repairs. I really should play with him more as well. None of the cats I had before ever really needed the sort of attention he does, but there were always other cats around. Getting a second cat I think would be a mistake though although a local animal rescue charity that I support has a big crop of the cutest kittens up for adoption.
Good news though - I was able to get him his special hypoallergenic food on Friday and fed him small amounts. There was a hairball this morning - but a more normal one and he "is" shedding a lot. It will probably take a few days for his body to get back on an even kilter again too. He was quite happy with the change in the food and I made sure to only feed him a small amount at any time to start although he didn't gorge which is good.
Warm, sticky rainy day here in Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan. We really need the moisture and will need to jump back because the corn is going to just zoom out of the ground with the perfect growing conditions that will result. I won't be able to cut my grass or hang out my laundry this weekend but the grass will still be there when the sun comes back out and I own a dryer that still works decently - knock on wood. I also have 2 indoor clotheslines.
Posting today because I think I'm getting closer to being interested in dating - but still examining my motives carefully. This morning was a nice lazy lay in kind of morning. The kind of morning suited to having someone to share it with - one of the things lacking with my relationships with B and S. B would be gone every weekend to her cottage and S never stirred before mid-afternoon. So - nobody to go grocery shopping with, nobody to talk to about this, that and the other thing, nobody to be with and think that staying in bed can be a great way to spend a Saturday morning.
Lifted from CWarrior's thread
Why oh why are you guys so attracted to crazy??? There’s women who really enjoy sex, and then there are crazy manipulative drama-filled bunny boilers who USE sex to hook you in to their drama. Think with your big head.
To be fair, maybe I'd be even more attracted to a low-drama, monogamous woman into sex if I encountered one. (:
I'll echo that men - at least men like me are attracted to "crazy". There's a "sparkle" and a "bon vivance" that many crazy people have. Take the lady who runs the craft shop around the corning. Despite my firm knowledge that she is as one other acquaintance describes her "a crazy psyco b....", she is still attractive to me. She has an intensity and passion that grabs my attention. And while it's usually said that "the hot ones are the crazy ones" - she's not all that hot albeit a handsome enough woman of middle age.
I was over to her shop this afternoon to pick up some of the local honey she'd just gotten in and some bath bombs (going to soak in the tub) and as usual, we had a very nice and rather animated chat. Politically we have some very fundamental differences (she is strongly anti-vax) although she appears to respect that I have different opinions. No clue if she is interested in me, or in anyone for that matter.
I have looked at the online-dating sites a bit but frankly am not interested at this point in putting in the effort that would require. I'm in no particular rush for anything. The fact that I believe that I will be getting my second vaccination within the next week or so removes that obstacle that was an easy excuse to hold back.
---
Had a fascinating chat on the Friday night happy hour zoom. It took a rather political turn as it can sometimes. For those who aren't from the "True North Strong and Free" many of us are struggling with the growing awareness of how horribly we as a society have treated the indigenous peoples of this land. Many Canada Day celebrations are actually being cancelled as communities feel that they have no right to celebrate given the more recent revelations. Thousands of dead children certainly catches the attention. Growing up in the 1960/70s I of course had awareness of what was going on, coloured by the common consensus of the belief that we were "doing the right thing". It would be disingenuous for me to suggest that I was not aware that there was harm being done although certainly I was not aware of the truly horrific extent of that harm. We are slower to face our ghosts than some, but I am grateful that there is at least, in this moment, an awareness. As someone of lots and lots of privilege, it's a struggle to know how to feel. Culpable, certainly. What to do about it is a large unknown.
Sorry about dragging this in to here - this is where having a partner would help - someone to talk to about this sort of stuff and even if there are no answers and I honestly don't know if I'm at a place to accept some of the more obvious ones about things like reparations, just being heard is a big help.
Anyhoodles. Time to switch my laundry around and run the tub and use one of my new bath-bombs. I am about 1/2 way through yet another re-watch of the complete Rocky and Bullwinkle series which is expected to accompany my ablutions. A couple of hours of work needs to be done in the office, we have a half-dozen loads going through the plant this weekend and some special orders that need to be planned out for next week. I have to time out emptying the tanks with the new loads coming in - assuming they come in on time - and go through the open order list and determine the priorities given that this will be a short week.
Politically we have some very fundamental differences (she is strongly anti-vax) although she appears to respect that I have different opinions.
What? Huh? Anti-vax is political? Politics has been worming its way into every corner of our lives and now is planting itself inside medicine. The largest mistake we can and are already starting to make is making medicine political. Nothing good can come from that.
But beyond that, how in the heck is being ant-vax political? If you believe it's indicative of a conservative Republican, how then do you explain that the black community, which is typically 80% liberal Democrat is not getting/is against vaccinations? The largest university system in my state is beyond liberal yet they are not requiring vaccinations for their students to attend campus this next semester. However, there are many religious schools who are more conservative than anything who are requiring vaccinations for students.
The terrible handling of covid is in large part because politicians with zero medical training or experience got their noses into it. Just ask family members of many New York nursing homes, who's parents and grandparents were forced to become exposed to covid positive patients when a political governor forced these nursing homes to accept these patients and put others at risk - thereby nearly insuring the spread to other residents. This was yet again a political move that should have been a medical decision. The boarders were closed from China - that was called political and racist even though it was the smartest thing we did early on.
Claiming that the china virus could not possibly have been an accident at a lab in Wu Han is how we politicize medicine rather than just "following the science" as was claimed.
I could go on and on but if we the people now see even personal medical choices as being political, we have little hope left. Just because this lady is anti-vax does not mean she has difference political beliefs than you - as medical choices are not political. People personal choices on this are all over the map with little rhyme or reason tied to political beliefs. What an interesting statement to make.
Anti-vaxxing becomes political when people refuse to get one because they think “it’s the government trying to control them”
Anti-vaxxing becomes political when people refuse to get one because they think “it’s the government trying to control them”
Oh yes, she's as full of fruit and nuts as a well balanced breakfast. Deep state conspiracies and the whole deal.
On the other hand, she's been an effective advocate for the homeless, recently adopted a dog who has a lot of agression issues that was going to be put down, moved in to a place she's renting that was more or less abandoned for years and quite the eye-sore and with a lot of hard work and a bit of paint has made it a pleasant looking place. So big hearted, hard working, all qualities that I admire.
I can't speak for all areas of the country or even anyone other than myself, but I get the sense that anti-vaxxing is politicized, particularly in my area, because a certain group of people tend to (as G pointed out) think the government is trying to control them. And, I think this extends from just Covid to regular immunizations as well. I'm from a deeply red state and "Trump 2020" is the rally cry for the vast majority of citizens. Again, I'm not trying to generalize, but it seems that a great deal of the people in that particular camp are the ones who are quick to be anti-mask and anti-vax. But, they also seem to be anti-vax in general when it comes to everything from childhood immunizations to the common flu vaccine. Currently, Arkansas is running at about 33% of total population being vaccinated (that number fluctuates a few percentage points depending on which actual source you look at). My evidence is purely anecdotal, of course, but many of the people I know who are vaccinated tend to fall along the more politically liberal scale while the ones I know personally who are screaming about vaccines infringing on their rights tend to the more conservative side of the scale. I have friends and family in both camps who are vaccinated, but the only ones I know who refused vaccination are in the more conservative camp. Does this make it political? Not necessarily, but just seems to look that way from purely anecdotal evidence.
Anyway, Andrew, beware of conspiracy theorists. But, if you find yourself drawn to one, my brother in law works for Reynolds so I can get you a good deal on bulk tin foil to make plenty of hats for you and your love.
Take more time for self care and just puttering around the house. You are working too hard and I worry for you. I'm SURE you have seen that thing that gets passed around on facebook frequently about not putting too much time and stress into a job that will replace you before your obituary ever even hits the local news. It's ok to ask for help and to have down time, unless they want to start compensating you for all of that extra time you put in.......in which case, carry on and make that bank!
unless they want to start compensating you for all of that extra time you put in.......in which case, carry on and make that bank!
Let's just say that my corporate role paid like a big city corporate role and that my work at the plant, while harder would normally pay less and H/R hasn't seem to have noticed - shhhh
It is interesting that with current times, like going through infidelity and divorce, you really find out a lot about people you thought you knew. My son agrees that I shouldn't date this woman just for the fact that she is a very "intense" person and that I would find it exhausting. She does continue to get more friendly each time we cross paths - although I'm also very likely a "safe" person. She did suffer a bit of isolation because of her attitudes which a number of others in the village didn't appreciate especially when she opened her shop in violation of the lockdown - which didn't last long.
I've been following along on CWarrior's story with some interest His very scientific approach and openness to feedback has created some interesting discussions. I know when I was first dating that I certainly was in the camp of "how do I get to the end goal of a relationship". Got quite a bit of booty in the process which while I may agree that there are women out there just like men who are fine with the idea of sex outside a committed relationship was in my case certainly a way to "seal the deal". Makes me certainly wary. I think a number of us get into dating looking for what we (thought we) had and don't want to spend time mucking about and wasting time on relationships that aren't going anywhere.
Not that I'm rushing along. The plant is currently in one of the COVID hotspots as is the only person who has suggested we get together for a drink and visit when we can. My own area has become a hotspot as well with a nasty outbreak among the homeless / addict community - yes, rural areas have those too. Any time I check OLD options, which isn't very often, I really don't find myself attracted at all.
Well - lunch time is over. Time to figure out tomorrow's loading.
Anyone opposing a vaccine because the government is trying to control them is just nutty. I don’t see it as political but more just being out of touch with reality. Choosing to or not to get receive a vaccination is one thing. Government forcing everyone to get a vaccine is completely another. It should be a personal choice that looks a risk versus benefit it should not be forced. Remember, my body, my choice, right? For anyone over 70 or actually over 60 the benefits far outweigh any risks. For someone under 20 or maybe even 30 it may not be worth the risk - especially with the cardiac problems staring to surface in the younger age group. Uber 20 with significant medical issues is a different story but the typical teen is not at much risk if any. But it has nothing to go with control. Masks are a different story and now masks are all but gone yet not even a slight uptic in cases - even in places with low vac rates.
Thing is, let’s remember who the administration was that facilitated or at least did all they could to get a new vaccine out in record time. It was scoffed at by many. It was said it would never happen before the end of 2020 and maybe not for years. Yet it was the Republican administration that promised and delivered a vaccine in record time. How can they then be anti-vac? It makes no sense. If you’re against something you don’t do all you can to make it happen - you do the opposite. When you are against something you don’t do it - like the black community that I mentioned. So republicans fostered a vaccine but they are anti vac and long time democrats in the largest cities are not getting the free vaccine but they are all for it??????? C’mon.
People want to make everything political these days - EVERYTHING! I just don’t see it with vacs. There is no rhyme or reason to much of it. They are doing what they do because of their choices irregardless of their politics. Masks, lock downs, stimulus money… yes that’s political. Vaccines just are not as a general rule as I’ve pointed out. Again if anyone thinks republicans are anti vac then please tell her why they facilitated and promoted making this vaccine happen in world record time - at no charge - and then we’re the first to receive the shot!!! That’s not smart politics if it were politics which it’s not.
Back to the original topic, if this lady shows crazy tendencies I’d stay clear. If she’s anti vac because she thinks someone is trying to control her or change her dna or whatever that’s crazy thinking. It doesn’t mean she has different political ideals than you do. We really have got to stop trying to make everything political.
Happy dance! Got a modest raise. And a "pep talk".
It's pretty much agreed between my boss and I that I am technically overpaid for the role that I am currently doing but given that there is a chance I'll be pulled back in to corporate and that he envisions an even broader role for me than what I'm doing, it could be considered to be more or less in line.
I'm glad that salaries are confidential - a lot of people would be getting their noses out of joint otherwise.
The "pep talk" was basically around how I need to do better and make less mistakes. Something we both agree on. To do that means being able to build the broader vision of what is going on with the plant, our customers, our partners and not just for the immediate day, but looking out to the longer term.
It's tough though. Things change so quickly and unexpectedly and it's hard to keep track of the bouncing balls. I get roughly 350 emails a day - most of which I can ignore but many of which need to add to the collective knowledge of the flow of the business. And of course things keep flowing even when I take my eyes off to try to achieve something.
We both agree that progress has been made. It's only been a number of months - I honestly don't recall how long - so just need to keep plugging away. And part of my confidence is not only that I know I'm capable of this, but also that given the number of people who have cycled through these different roles I'm doing and given up, I think starting over again to train someone if I packed it in, isn't an option for him.
And he's a decent guy who truly cares about his staff - and one of those micromanagers who double-checks and second guesses everything.
I recall years ago I had a client who was running a small courier company. I remember the dispatchers as tightly wound individuals who - in those days before a lot of computerization - hold in their heads where every driver, every pickup, every exception was. In many ways that's what I'm needing to do. Part of my challenge will be doing that and staying sane.
---
On a semi-positive note, since I negotiated a fixed alimony amount, I get to keep all of this raise, less of course what gets taxed away. When I started paying alimony, since it's tax deductible for me, I actually dropped a couple of tax brackets and nearly a third of my payments is "covered" by my tax savings.
In other news, I have my appointment booked for my second vaccination! Coincidentally with that, "C" reached out to me about something we have a common interest in. I suggested that soon we might be able to find a patio and visit and catch up which will be nice.
Yay for the vaccine!!!! (For a minute I thought you said you had made an appointment for a vacation lol).
And the raise! Good job. I still think this is a job for AI. Other plants can't all be run this way.
I still think this is a job for AI. Other plants can't all be run this way.
LOL - Yes - in fact they do. Even the bigger ones.
I still remember being called by a supplier congratulating me that they were able to ship some product I ordered early. Turns out they messed up and accidentally sent the load out 3 days early and the truck was already 2 hours on it's way. I had to have them turn the truck around because my tank wasn't prepped for the load and wouldn't be for another 2 days. This doesn't account for trucks breaking down, our plant had a power failure last night that dumped all the product from one tank into another, heck - bad traffic can mess up the entire day when a driver shows up an hour late for their appointment and I already have someone else under the rack.
I also had to juggle around loads today because one carrier's regular driver was off and the replacement driver was only rated for about 10 tonnes less on his trailer, deal with the fact that a customer returned about 18 tonnes of product in about 500 containers that we need to put "somewhere" while we figure out what to do - blah de blah de blah de blah
You'd think that the railways would be "smart" too - but while they have slick websites that - generally - work well, I had to spend time on the phone yesterday assuring them that the railcar they thought was in the serving yard was in fact on the track right outside my window. One (of many) of today's struggles was that the railway didn't deliver a car to a spot that their system thought was open, looking out my window I could see it was open, but then someone decided that the car couldn't fit. I now have a probably $500 bill that I need to dispute.
As an aside, barcoding was originally designed to assist in tracking railcars and yes - looking out the window is still a more reliable system.
I have lots of stories - and sadly nobody to bore the pants off with them. Heck, these days I'd even accept someone listening and being both bored and fully clothed. The cat does not care it turns out
And if it was the right person removing those pants, perhaps that would at least for a short while stop the stories
Andrew, I love your stories about rail cars, keep telling them.
My "very scientific approach to dating"--lol. I knew you'd get it. I'm an engineer at heart too, so for me it's completely natural to say "1st date type X generates Y% of 2nd dates.." I'm taking a pause, but I'll be eager to hear when your own dating heats up. I believe us guys face at least some different challenges when we date.
I've programmed AI that made sense of massive databases before. Your environment certainly has some challenges. First, if "eyes" are better at telling where railcars are than the online system, the online system may need more, better, or human sensors. An AI would only know what the online database knows. Second, there are exceptions--shipments sent early, drivers rates for 10 tons less, and products not packaged ideally upon return. It's hard to imagine $45-90K--with a domain expert's input--couldn't fund creating an AI that compares well with humans.
CW - I'm a mathematician by training and a storyteller by inclination. My kids used to tell me that I'd be a great history teacher because I get so animated by the subject - it's all stories.
And for those who are bored with my stories, feel free to meander along ....
I think you put your finger on things about whether AI could help or not. It boils down to the size of the dataset involved. A few years ago I was helping a friend who was teaching a course in machine learning at UCLA - I was their practice student. The amount of data that needs to be fed into such a system is enormous and there also needs to be some "training data" involved so that the AI can spot the patterns. I remember years ago when GM first put in the robotic paint stations. They trained them by attaching sensors on to the arms of the best human painters and then just copied that.
One thing about my industry is how "big" everything is. Yes, AI can assist with control systems because there is a volume of data involved. Human supervision is still required to deal with the unexpected. Right now the plant produces about 210 tonnes of product a day split between 6 basic product lines - we just turn a valve to adjust concentration or inputs (much more complex than that). That sounds like a lot, but a tanker truck holds roughly 30 tonnes maximum and a railcar can take about 90 tonnes (based on specific gravity and volume in the barrel of the container) - so really only about 8-10 orders a day. Not a large data set.
On the other hand, it takes me a minimum of 4 minutes to roughly 8 minutes to assemble together the paperwork for each load. Again, doesn't sound like much but that doesn't include checking tank levels, doing math on load sizes, looking up lab results etc so to do the paperwork each day takes close to 2 hours. Each customer has their own requirements which right now I need to read because I don't have the experience yet to "know". There are other complexities such as finding a truck and trailer available to get the load to the customer when and how they want it (which someone else does - I deal with the loading side for logistics). With such - probably un-necessary - complexity but such a small dataset, planning and organizing this really is beyond the capability of pretty much any AI I could imagine. Personally I believe that the best "system" in the world is a guy with a clipboard and pen who is paying attention - the bow tie is optional but the hard hat, safety glasses and safety shoes are not.
To illustrate, this morning I got a call from the plant about a broken weld on a railcar. I had no clue what to do and neither would an AI. That took about an hour of my time to figure out and deal with the various parties involved to make sure we can safely get the repairs done but still ship out what we want to. Adding on that my boss is also working today (he's on a week's vacation so not a good role model) and he wants us to increase production and get some extra loads out today that weren't on the plan yesterday afternoon.
I was thinking back and my role only expanded into it's current size about 5 months ago - I think I'm actually doing pretty good based on that and the fact that I'm being compared to people who have been doing it for 30+ years is what I like to call a "stretch goal".
Despite it technically being a holiday today I'm working albeit at a lower speed which is why I can natter on here.
---
I'm not sure how, when or even if I'll step back in to dating. I have a tentative "date" with my friend "C" who I went on a few dates with a few years ago. It's waiting until things open up a bit more and we are both fully vaccinated which will be soon. At the time I felt that she was actively chasing after me but she was also in the midst of a rather nasty divorce. She really didn't have the bandwidth to date and after a bit of effort things just fizzled out. We stayed in touch though. She was apparently shocked when she found out I was dating someone but very positive and congratulatory. We were chatting via text about something else I think around Christmas and that's when she found out I was single again which I think raised numerous questions in her mind and a couple of months later she suggested we go for a hike or visit on a patio which had to get shelved when we went back into lockdown.
I'm going into this with no expectations and even a touch of reluctance - but looking forward to catching up with a friend.
When I did go through the dating thing, in some ways like you I was fairly formulaic as well. First date - coffee or something easy to pull the plug on - end with a hug. Second date, something more ambitious, a walk on a trail or going to a flea market - end with a kiss on the cheek. Text good mornings, check to see how the day was going and text good night.
Counting "C" - which many here didn't consider as even dating - I've dated 4 women post divorce. Of those 2 ended up quickly turning into serious relationships because the woman enthusiastically "leapt on board" as it were. Certainly they ratcheted up the physical affection and words quickly - by the end of the second or third date in fact. Which, from reading here, talking to others, and my own memories of 30+ years ago seemed "normal" that there would be some poontang or close facsimile fairly quickly. And for me, that is not something I am capable of doing casually. Just not in my moral code.
Of the other two, one was a "nope" although she was an old friend that I'd known for many years - there was just no "warmth" to her despite her being smart and kind and a really decent person and the other was "C" who as I say - we just drifted in our own directions. And "C" has her own set of yellow and reddish flags or at least did back then in the midst of her divorce. She really seems to have bloomed and come into her own and formed stronger relationships with her now (mostly) adult kids since then. Or at least that's the outside perception. Certainly an 18 year and 20 year old are different than a 15 and 17 year old mid-acrimonious divorce.
I think that in any future interactions with the fairer sex that I'll be moving a lot slower and doing my best to dodge if the other side is moving faster than I'm comfortable with. I don't "need" anyone in my life and certainly don't want anyone who will take more than they could offer which has been my experience thus far.
As far as looking further afield as it where and actively searching and doing the OLD thing - just not interested at this point. I still think that "S" did quite the number on me in terms of my ability to trust and believe in people.
Yay for the vaccine!!!! (For a minute I thought you said you had made an appointment for a vacation lol).
Ha!!!! I was STILL thinking Andrew had made plans for a vacation until I read you’re response! I figured it was just a different/fun way of saying he had plans to take a trip but no details yet. I’ve seen Mime posts that do the same but was not fooled by those “everyone should be forced to receive a vacation”.
Anyhow glad you’re in line. They keep upping the anti here to coax or incentivize folks to get their shot. The largest I’ve seen so far is a $50 store credit… to get free healthcare, well okay a free vaccine. Just amazing how much things have changed in the last 18 months. Paid to get healthcare. Meanwhile I’m still paying over a grand a month just in case I might need healthcare. Lol
Now go book an appointment for your next vacation!!!
Of those 2 ended up quickly turning into serious relationships because the woman enthusiastically "leapt on board" as it were. Certainly they ratcheted up the physical affection and words quickly - by the end of the second or third date in fact. Which, from reading here, talking to others, and my own memories of 30+ years ago seemed "normal" that there would be some poontang or close facsimile fairly quickly. And for me, that is not something I am capable of doing casually. Just not in my moral code. I'll be moving a lot slower and doing my best to dodge if the other side is moving faster than I'm comfortable with.
Ha--so I'm not the only guy who doesn't want sex on a 3rd date!! For me, it's not that I feel I've done anything morally wrong, it's that I feel attached after sex and that makes me feel vulnerable when I barely know someone. As you say, sex also usually "seals the deal"--you're more or less exclusive afterwards. I guess, based on my experiences with Ms DoGooder and Ms TallChemist, I'm more of a 5th date guy. The "righteous" path would be to not cave in too early out of fear of hurting them or losing a good prospect. It's probably optimal to make a little progress on each date, so they know you're interested and you're seeking more. (:
I don't "need" anyone in my life and certainly don't want anyone who will take more than they could offer which has been my experience thus far.
I believe this about myself 80% of the time. You got a raise (p.s. - Congratulations! Well deserved from all we read here. It shows your boss values all your effort and you are competing well against those 30-years-in-the-field types.) I'd probably tell my friends who I see every week or two. I talk to Ms T.C. every day or two. It would feel different to tell her because she more intimately knows my struggles and challenges. I do not want to go to my grave without having sex again so maybe I do "need" someone, although I'm okay if I don't meet them in 2021! As you say, anyone we add to our lives needs to add more than they take.
I have a tentative "date" with my friend "C" who I went on a few dates with a few years ago.
At the time I felt that she was actively chasing after me but she was also in the midst of a rather nasty divorce. We were chatting via text about something else I think around Christmas and that's when she found out I was single again which I think raised numerous questions in her mind and a couple of months later she suggested we go for a hike or visit on a patio which had to get shelved when we went back into lockdown. She really seems to have bloomed and come into her own and formed stronger relationships with her now (mostly) adult kids since then.
Exciting! C's interest and yours were strong enough to keep chatting, and she's in better shape now, and she's proposing a date. You may not even need OLD. I hope the date happens soon. Good stuff, Andrew.
A bit of tea-pot philosophy this warm and sunny morning.
I had my second Covid shot on Friday and it doesn't seem to have affected me. I do suspect that my leg infection is coming back though so will need to get that looked at I suppose. I started seeing some more red patches last week. I may pop in to the local clinic to see if I can get someone to look at it this afternoon after I get the Sunday morning stuff done for the plant. I had a reluctant early start when the plant got in touch with me to let me know that a driver was an hour late for their appointment. By the time I realized that I could not get in touch with anyone on a Sunday morning, they had pulled in. Not so much of an issue today and I did see that the one other appointment we had on that side of the plant this morning was able to pull in without an issue - or so I hope.
It was supposed to be rainy today so I hustled my butt and got all of the outside weekend work done yesterday. 3 loads of laundry on the line, transplanted some plants, cut the grass - which was getting quite tall, weeded the flower bed etc.
Got some inside things done too - my - I think - 20 year old box spring had been making creaking noises so I rotated that when I did the monthly rotating of the mattress. Cleaned out some dust rhinos that had evolved as well. I figure that since it's just me on the bed, having the other side creak isn't an issue.
Had a nice soak in the tub after the grass cutting and then after dinner I sat out with some wine, a (properly contained) bonfire and watched the fireworks going off in the park behind me. Last summer someone started setting of some really nice displays pretty much every weekend in the park and it appears to be continuing.
Earlier, I heard the tell-tale sounds of swing-bowling - a sport that seems to only exist in my little village and a couple of the towns around. I'd always assumed it was a German thing (this area was settled by Germans - my Scottish ancestors settled about 20 miles to the north-west) but when my daughter moved she was astonished that nobody had ever heard of it.
---
Overnight I had a repeat of a regular dream. My ex was in bed with me trying to charm me. This happens when I get lonely I know. I know very little about dreams but one thing I've noticed lately is that they seem to have layers. Since in my dream, I was sure I was dreaming, I tried to wake up - got through one "layer", she was still there and more real, pushed through some more and it was just me. I really can't imagine any way that I would be open to her coming back. Breaking into this house is laughably easy, especially in the summer when I have windows open for the night breezes to come in.
It brought to mind that infidelity or a "mid life crisis", while it appears to be an even with sudden onset and isolated from other circumstances, that it does build from little or nothing. My ex-wife had been a decent enough "Mom" and I think worked on having a "June Cleaver" facade even though it didn't fit at all. She was at best a reluctant and indifferent house-keeper and it was usually me that spent time with the kids and did things with them. In the years leading up to her affair though, as the kids moved out and our own lives settled into the march towards retirement and became progressively more comfortable, she would often go out for hours visiting with friends to "get out of the house". I wouldn't know where she was beyond "out with friends" - there was a core group of a half-dozen - and if they were local she would often drink with them in their back yards. Previously she rarely drank much. I was explicitly not invited even if other husbands were there and so would read or putter in my workshop. Towards the end there were a few occasions when I would have to talk over and pour her home.
I expect history to be repeating itself - but again, just pure speculation. The house she and OM share is about 1/2 the size of this place. They've been living together for about 3 years or so I think, first in her apartment over the liquor store and then about 2 years ago they bought this house. With her temper and lack of patience with others getting away from each other is probably a good idea. Given that OM had no issues with sleeping with at least one married woman, he could well find some way to occupy his time. Whether she would find alternate recreation is unknown. There's not a lot of "quality" targets out there and seduction for her was about power and control, not the horizontal mambo. This does tie to the fact that more and more I'm not seeing her car there or often both vehicles missing despite their "retirement". But - no way to know - I just send the cheque once a month.
Ah well - just rambly tea-pot philosophy. I will admit that the dream, even if I've had it several times before, disturbed me quite a lot. I know that when I was in a relationship that the dreams stopped. Not that there's any sign of that. The lady around the corner - who has been described as a "crazy psycho b..." - I suppose we can call her "P" for short, continues to get more and more friendly. She bought my lunch for me on Friday when she saw me going into the bake-shop. Her shop is across the street. We chatted for a while - which translates to her talking and me listening. As has been discussed before, I quite like her and there are things about her that I admire. The total package though does include more than enough crazy to keep things from going too far though.
A friend of mine pushes me to go chasing after young cats to keep my prostate and brain healthy - although he doesn't use the word "cat". I send him pictures of my cat in response. The cat is doing well - eating a bit better now that I have him back on his old food.
Well - tea pot is just about empty so time to seize the day. I have a loaf of bread rising that will be nice with dinner and I have my single-person roast to put into the slow cooker. I still have my ironing to do plus about 2 hours of work to do to prepare for Monday's loads. There a big stack of housework waiting for me too so it should be a busy day of puttering.
So - before kml and bttrfly get on my case ... the doctor at the clinic says that what is going on in my leg is not appearing to be a rash or infection or blood clot. 3 hours of waiting to find that out
A blood sample will be checked just to be extra sure. His best guess was that I hit something.
Hopefully my loaf of bread will be fine sitting on the counter for that extra hour or two.
Oh please keep your distance from the crazy psycho one!
I had dreams about my ex cheating on me and various other things for a long time - thankfully no more. Used to wake up with that put in my stomach. I think it really helps that his new wife was not one of his affair partners. All the limited news I hear from the kids about them is they seem to still be doing well in their relationship, which I’m glad for - I’m hoping she will care for him in his old age so my kids don’t have to. I’m actually hoping ex doesn’t cheat on her too.
Just a bit of observation on a Wednesday. Working from home as usual on a Wednesday to try to catch up on my sleep. There's less going on at the plant on Wednesdays and Fridays.
Things are still pretty nuts. Yesterday I was harrassing a supplier in Texas who was supposed to have shipped me up a load of product in late June who then promised today and now has pushed me off to the end of the month. Which is going to upset "my" customers who were expecting their order to be filled 2 weeks ago. My boss has agreed to stick-handle that one which I appreciate. They'll take it perhaps a bit better from the company president than some random flunky with a weird job title. Like us, they are having problems getting trucks and drivers to ship for a big increase in orders. Being a smaller customer we got moved down the list I would imagine.
My job continues to be vague and undefined. Which has some benefits and numerous drawbacks. This morning I had to make a decision about production that I would have thought was the responsibility of the Operations manager but he dumped it on my lap. It helped that he agreed with the decision - probably wanted it to stick to me and not him.
With all the crazy there was one good thing. As anyone who has been playing the home game knows, I'm struggling. This old dog is trying to learn new tricks. I do have quite a bit of visibility into my old corporate role and had been worried that things were going sideways and made sure my current boss was aware. I joke to him that I feel it's important to always beat the bad news even if it's nipping on your heels.
So yesterday, things did indeed go sideways - I was already aware and somewhat involved. Then the people at corporate escalated a cry for help all the way to the top and then back down to me and I was instructed to drop everything and help and that he would cover for me. It took about an hour, mostly talking to people and pointing them in the right direction and then calling people to calm them down. I think my boss was a bit surprised by how confident and capable I can indeed be when I am in a situation where I know all the details.
He's been patient with me and I do incrementally get better. And I got paid today so that's good.
---
I make no secret of the fact that I'm a middle-aged divorced guy living alone with his cat. I've attracted occasional "lurkers in the weeds" - the most recent one being a woman who is a friend of a friend that appears to be going through considerable drama in her life who connected to me out of the blue on social media. After checking that the profile was legit, I accepted. There's the middle-aged lady who works at the gas station who seemed pretty excited and got all giggly when she found out that I broke up with my girlfriend last November (she had seemingly been keeping track and asked how she was). And the young single-mother who works at the beer store who got all excited to see me and showed off pictures of her son when I stopped in for a six pack last week. And of course possibly "P" from around the corner etc etc. There are also some other women who have connected on social media for no explicable reason. Some are absolutely what I refer to as "Russian Brides" - young women who can't seem to afford many clothes, but many seem to just be every-day folk who must be interested in pictures of food, plants and my cat.
It's nice that I appear to be attracting some interest. Certainly the young single mother and the woman with all the drama aren't people to spend any serious time with - but it makes me feel good. On the other hand, for an introvert, I'm a pretty outgoing and friendly guy in one on one interactions.
One thing that I "have" learned I hope, is that just because someone might be interested in me, that creates no obligation on my part.
I'm still feeling reluctant / ambivalent about dating. I am looking forward to getting out with friends soon though although fitting that into my busy days will be a challenge.
---
Since today is payday I was looking out to see how I'm doing on my various financial obligations. Payment 45 of 77 to my ex is this month. My savings account is looking modestly solid although my emergency fund is still below the 1 month mark. It really should be up to at least 2 months. A lot better than the negative number I hit when S was here and buying presents and groceries for her family.
As of next month I'll have 32 more months of support payments (monthly), 39 more months of car payments (bi-weekly) and an estimated 141 mortgage payments (weekly). Obviously once I have the cash, paying down the mortgage is the priority. My mortgage is quite modest and paying weekly helps a lot in getting the balance down. By the time I hit retirement age, I will have paid off the amount of equity I had to give my ex-wife in the divorce
There's still the opportunity to sell part of my property which if that happens I would hope to get the money I gave to my ex back.
Well - time for another pot of tea and then to review some lab results and tank levels.
Don't be too hard on Texas. It is HOT down here and we move a little slower and talk a lot slower in the south, especially in July and August when it is 1000 degrees with 10,000% humidity. LOL And yet, I still don't want to live in the great white north with snowstorms and -40 degree days. To each his own, I suppose.
You are handling the whole vague and such of your job much better than I would. I don't need a micromanager and I don't even really need a lot of direction, but I do need some sense that I'm rowing the boat in the same direction as others who have the same interests. Again, to each his own. LOL
While I'm glad you are attracting attention, just be careful of exactly what attention you are attracting. The young single mom and the drama queen are probably better left to their own devices, but then, you probably already know that.
I applaud your efforts in paying down things. We are back in a car payment thanks to my untimely wreck in December, but I try to pay extra when I can to get that payment off of us as soon as humanly possible. I hate debt, but when we are supporting 2 households, we just can't get it paid down as fast as we could if we were only supporting ourselves. Ugh............sometimes adult responsibilities just blow chunks!
So - in three years, you'll have the car, the house, AND the ex-wife paid off? Or is that 141 monthly mortgage payments broken down into weekly chunks?
No, just because some woman expresses interest in you, doesn't mean you have to respond. In fact, the mere fact that you don't feel ready to date right now is enough, and you can tell them that if any are so bold as to ask. It's an honest answer.
Hope you are able to sell that chunk of your property - a windfall like that would be very nice.
As for your emergency savings - I would imagine that will grow pretty quickly, unless Monty the cat starts ordering things online while you're at work. One person living alone can really live pretty cheaply, especially when working all the time! But if you'd like more income, there's always the option of taking on a paying roommate. Honestly, if I didn't have CMM (who is too persnickety to tolerate a roommate), I would be renting out one of my spare bedrooms right now and putting that money to paying off my mortgage earlier.
Yeah - typo. 141 months, not weeks. So I'll be 68 before being mortgage free unless I accelerate the payments more - which is certainly going to happen once I have my ex paid off. I send her the equivalent of 3 month's mortgage every month. I'm positive that I'm paying for her house too. The math works out that she she would only have to cover the interest out of her own payments (I looked up what she paid). If she's smart she secured her mortgage against the support payments and whatever other flaws she may have, she's a pretty smart lady who seems to have made some solid financial choices post-divorce. I had expected her to blow the cash on a sports car and travel but she's still driving around in her paid-off 11 year old car and no longer travels like we used to and like she did (on marital funds) with OM. One of the several reasons I'm figuring that OM is not nearly as well off as I had presumed him to be.
If I apply the money I spend in support as mortgage payments then my mortgage is paid off 2 years after I pay her off. So 6 years earlier.
Early on I'd mused about the idea of offering to rent out part of the house to a single mom with some kids. This is a great place for that. Big back yard, close to the park, lots of room. In exchange I'd get some company and meals - was the plan Not even thinking about "fringe benefits". I know anecdotally how hard it is for a single parent families to make ends meet and find decent housing. After my experience with S - nope - and her kids were teens. I could certainly see the same patterns happening - house a mess, my having to help out with child care and supervision, cover extras financially. And there's the optics of it too. Middle aged guy with a young "room-mate".
I used to have room-mates before I was married - even female ones. Generally worked out ok. I don't really need the money - my occupancy cost in this big 4 bedroom house is only slightly more than what my son pays for his 1 bedroom apartment.
I do feel guilty about rattling around in here while there are serious housing issues in this area and need to make sure that doesn't cause me to do another rescue. As I've learned first hand and also from reading the stories of others, financially secure and responsible guys of almost any age are a fairly rare commodity.
Yeah - I'd say just someone who has a plan and knows how to budget is rare. My dating experiences post-divorce have included:
A restauranteur who lost his long time business because he'd let his insurance lapse ("it was too expensive") and there was a kitchen leak that caused tons of damage to the business downstairs. At least he owned the fourplex that he and his two adult kids lived in, and rents one unit out.
Crazy ex-boyfriend who routinely lost everything he accumulated when he'd go into a manic episode.
Exterminator who ran his own solo business and under-reported his income to the IRS so I expect him to have very little social security when the time comes. Lived in an apartment with his mom. (She is a sweetheart).
CMM who used to make a great living in telecom sales but between divorce, a disabling knee injury 6 mos later that kept him off work for a year, then being laid off, then facing age discrimination and not being able to get back to that high income, then losing his job due to tariffs right before his lung cancer diagnosis - and generally having champagne tastes - just has his social security.
Honestly, so far not one guy I've dated actually had good basic financial skills. So yes, you are a rare find, Andrew!
one of the things that gave me pause about K is that I'm not sure about his spending. He seems to overspend quite often and then have to wait for the next check. I know that was a big issue for his exw. I'm not eager to bring someone like that into my inner circle. had quite enough of that with my own exh. I see zero reason to co-mingle my money with anyone's ever again. if I do opt to co-habitate with someone, we can split expenses like room mates would ...
Honestly, so far not one guy I've dated actually had good basic financial skills. So yes, you are a rare find, Andrew!
I agree it's a rare skill. It's on my ToDo list after I get my house in shape! I'm impressed Andrew knows how many months and years until various things are paid off. I'm like--am I alive in 6mo? Good enough.
Just some musing on different lifestyles. Recently I had to buy a new garbage can for the kitchen. I was emptying it so rarely that it developed a rather malodorous miasma which it took me a while to realize was coming from the can. This is the same garbage can that was in the kitchen 10+ years ago when we were a family of 4 - so I downsized quite a bit and probably should have some time ago.
I've not put the garbage - which is staged in a shed outside - out to the curb in over a month. Just not enough to justify using up a garbage tag. So going from 1 can every 2 weeks when it was my son and I to 3 + cans when S and her boys were here to about 1/3 of a can now. Makes me feel good that I'm generating so little waste. Perhaps this is one of the signs of compatibility I need to look for
---
Work continues to be beyond crazy stupid busy. The problems I was worried about in my former corporate IT role blossomed as I thought they might so I'm having to deal with that and the corporate politics which I had forgotten how much I hate. We're also running the plant flat out to the point where we had to shut down for several hours yesterday to allow for some repairs to be done.
My boss is a micromanager and his way of dealing with stress is to manage even more microscopically. He's also one of those people who thinks of themselves as "adaptable" so is constantly changing his mind. It's pretty impossible for anyone, especially me to be able to keep up.
I've decided that I'm going to have to go in to the plant every day and stop working from home through the week. At least for the present. There was just too much chaos which was laid at my feet - trucks showing up when they weren't supposed to, the guys not being clear on what it was they were supposed to do yadda yadda yadda. I'm still not clear at all where the boundaries of my job are. The operations manager makes it clear when he thinks I've overstepped but I seem to be doing at least half of what I had thought was his job. It means less sleep which I'm short on as it is, but that's the only way I can think of to avoid things spiraling out of control. Maybe when orders go down again as they should once our competitors get back online I can revisit working from home.
I've built a good rapport with the guys though. I've been making a joke that my only real function is to carry my clipboard around. Not taking yourself too seriously, admitting when you make a mistake, all are things that work well with front line workers. They've been open about making suggestions, pointing me in the right direction on things, letting me know when they disagree but also asking for direction so - it's pretty good.
I'm going to be working much of this weekend on a mix of the corporate and plant functions. Blech. My grass also needs to be cut and I need to pick some currants plus all the usual housework things. I kind of envy my colleagues who have someone to help - they've looked surprised when I mention that - yeah - in addition to all the business work, I also have to do all the work of maintaining a household even if it's a household for one.
Even though - once she landed me - S was lousy at being supportive and my ex wasn't very good at it either, I could really use someone to lean on. My ex get mad at me whenever I complained about work so I rarely talked about my day with her, just listened to her litany of woes. I do miss the "idea" of someone who I could lean on and share the burdens of every-day life with. I would presume that someone like that exists - I'm like that so presumably others are too. The cat - well - he's kind but the sort of narcissistic critter that all cats are. He does usually hang out on my desk with me like he does now so it's nice to have that other soul around.
I've put in a request for "a week or so" off in August - probably mid-August. Hopefully by then the current production and sales issues will be behind us. I did take a week off in May but just need some way to "let go" of the stress.
It does seem that we are opening up the province for a more normal life fairly soon which is good. It will be nice to see my friends again. I've invited my son out for Brunch tomorrow - haven't heard anything back so that's probably not happening. His 27th birthday is coming up next month - I'll have to see what I can do for him. He'll probably be working so not available for dinner. I can't recall that he's never been unavailable for his birthday so I presume his mother ignores that.
Well - time to find my shoes and hit the road to do the necessary errands before getting back to the grind.
Hmmmm - My "something's odd" bump is itching like mad.
When I was driving "into town" today I saw my son walking what I presume is OM's dog. His car was parked at his mother's house, no sign of OM's truck but his son's truck was parked outside.
I've "never" seen my son's car at his mother's house on the weekend and him walking OM's dog by himself is just weird.
I will confess that I checked the obituary column in the local paper when I got home. I'm not sure how much older OM is but he's probably in his 70s.
Andy……….
Instead of a more logical explanation like they went out of town and S is watching the dog for him, you think he’s dead and you checked the obituary? Your imagination goes into serious overdrive when it comes to them.
Maybe you need a new route to town?
Had a nice brunch today with my son and a visit with "the girls". I had been worried about one of them - she had seemed listless my last visit but she was fine this time. Neither her nor her sister really seemed interested in visiting "grandpa" but I've not been a regular part of their lives for over a year now. I reminded my son that he should be making their annual checkup vet appointment shortly and that it would probably cost about $200. He wasn't sure he could easily put his hand on their vet records but he was fine with the expected cost. I told him that if he can't put his hand on the records to not worry that I had a digital copy if he needed it. He'll be switching the girls to the vet around the corner from his apartment.
We were supposed to meet on a patio in the town close to here (same one as his mother lives in) but as I pulled up he called very upset and apologetic. He'd slept in. I told him to not worry and that I would drive to his town rather than him having to rush. He does get pretty wound up at times. He gets hyper stressed sometimes - must come from his mother's side of the family.
It turns out that he had slept in because he was dog-sitting from 11:00 am until 1:00 am which certainly wasn't a secret because I'd waved to him when I saw him out. No further information was forthcoming and none asked for.
I will confess that I do still hope for some sort of bigger karma to head towards my ex and OM - hence looking at the obits. I did learn that a neighbour who I'd not seen around for a while recently passed which made me sad. In other times I would have gone to the visitation but the funeral has been and gone. One of the things I miss with the lockdowns - odd as it may sound - is going to these sort of events. A way to show support for friends and neighbours. It was always an effort to get my ex to go but that's no longer an issue. I like catching up with people, sharing stories about mutual acquaintances and the "dearly departed". Like it is written in one of my favourite songs "When I die, let them judge me by my company of friends"
We're supposed to continue to re-open up here and we agreed that we will resume our every 2 week brunch schedule. We were both disappointed that our favourite brunch place has been turned into yet another cannabis store. They just seem to be everywhere now. These lockdowns have been tough on a lot of small businesses especially restaurants.
Andy that’s so hefty karma wishing isn’t it? Have you thought about your karma for wishing death as karma for what OM did to you?
That’s some pretty serious karma you are hoping for there
karma will take care of itself; you do not need to wish it. that can only harm you, as LH and Super G have pointed out. live your best life. forget those who have moved on from you. yes, I realize I'm telling you the same things I tell myself.
uurrff - I'm so exhausted - both physically and mentally. I've not even done the dishes for 2 days which for anyone who knows me is certainly an indicator of where I am.
I could write a novel about why I'm so exhausted, but I really don't have the energy.
---
On a more positive note, I stopped off yesterday to pick up a 6-pack and the young lady who had been excited to see me was again very excited. She remembered my name this time and shouted "hello" to me from across the store. The bow tie does make me memorable I suppose. I am surprised that she remembered my name because it's been nearly 2 years since I would stop in to her store on Fridays on my way home and we'd chat. I think I've seen her maybe twice since then counting the time a week or so ago when she didn't remember my name. She never asked then so must have dug it up from her memories. On the other hand I certainly remembered her name and I'm usually horrible with names.
She mentioned how she had just had a relaxing evening the night before when her son was at his Dad's place. She is also a Disney fan.
I'm pretty sure she's at least 25 years younger than me and so not appropriate to date but it is flattering that an attractive young woman seems excited to see me. I will admit that part of my mind toys with the "what if" and suggesting coffee after her shift. But no.
---
Going to be a busy weekend. I have a big stack of work to try to get through from my old corporate responsibilities plus the usual weekend work I do for the plant. I need to get my kitchen back into shape and do more than the basics on the washrooms. Being back to the plant full time also means that ironing is back on the agenda. It's supposed to be a bit rainy this weekend at least on Saturday so that's a good time to be inside. I do have some tomatoes and peppers that are now ripe in my garden so need to think about how I'll use them. I'm thinking some sort of egg and potato casserole. I also found a new recipe for peanut butter cookies that looks decent and that suggests that the dough can be frozen so I may try that too.
Grinding through the weekend. I put in about 5 hours in the office yesterday and hope to get pretty much everything knocked off with 4 or 5 more today.
Had an interesting to me situation on Friday at the plant. The operations manager - who I regularly have conflict with - generally isn't well respected by the guys in the plant. He is more than a bit of a jerk - some of which I feel is related to some insecurity. He's not a chemist nor an engineer but has those reporting to him and feels he needs to be an authority figure around them. Our joint boss - who is a massive micromanager who intuitively understands the plant, customers and processes (not quite so good with people), can be a challenge to work for.
We were offloading a truck into a tank - I knew that they had arrived early and there were concerns on if the tank would hold the load. I happened to be in the control room when the alarms started to sound about the tank being full - and one of the engineers literally ran out the door to hit the shut-off valve. It should have been caught earlier - but that's why we have safeties. Later I saw an email from the boss asking about the offloading and why we took so much into the tank (doesn't miss
anything). The operations manager responded that he had instructed the guys to stop offloading at that point.
Where I know for a fact that he was nowhere around.
---
Definitely grinding. Unusually for me, I skipped breakfast yesterday - I have a hot breakfast every day normally - and didn't miss it. Lunch was a scone. Even though I wasn't hungry I did BBQ up a small steak for my dinner. Wasn't able to get my roses yesterday either - the shop was unexpectedly closed. I think the owner is going through some sort of rough time lately.
I'm 90% sure that "P" from around the corner is interested. I stopped in to her shop to pick up some more bath bombs as I was out and was planning on a soak in the tub to end my day. She made a joke about my "blue balls" and an "oh did I say that out loud?". On a "good for Andrew" note, I wasn't feeling the attraction on my side.
It does look like I'll need to re-invest in my wardrobe. I bought some very good Egyptian cotton shirts about 7 years ago and yesterday while doing my ironing one tore. I've reached out to my tailor to see if they still have my measurements. The shirts come from India so there's a 6 week lead time on them. Certainly goes to prove that if you buy quality it lasts.
Stayed in bed until about 9:00 this morning. Yesterday I had to get up early because of an issue at the plant. I still checked for messages at about 6:00 though - everything seemed fine. Made the effort to make a hot breakfast today. Going to do a light chicken dish for dinner today and I want to make the effort to do up a batch of peanut butter cookies from my new recipe. I need to get outside and get my grass cut today too. The hot and damp weather have really made it pop up.
Well - I've allowed myself to be distracted long enough. Got to get Monday's loads sorted out and do the pre-work for some later in the week. I have some tasks to do for corporate as well. Blurgh. Might split them up to get outside for at least a while.
Wasn’t P the crazy one???
yeah isn't she the one everyone has issues with?
Wasn’t P the crazy one???
yeah isn't she the one everyone has issues with?
Yep. She also sells the bath bombs made by a local supplier that work really well.
Woke up this morning to being spammed on my IG account. Some seemingly random woman from the US liked and commented on posts going back over a year and then messaged me her cell phone number and invited me to chat. Unlike most times that seemingly random women are reaching out to me, this one doesn't have a half-naked profile picture and actually seems like a real person. Regardless - I'm not going to respond.
She also sells the bath bombs made by a local supplier that work really well.
What do these said "bath bombs" do that work so well?
Woke up this morning to being spammed on my IG account. Some seemingly random woman from the US liked and commented on posts going back over a year and then messaged me her cell phone number and invited me to chat. Unlike most times that seemingly random women are reaching out to me, this one doesn't have a half-naked profile picture and actually seems like a real person. Regardless - I'm not going to respond.
Do I need to go back and add some half-naked pics to my seemingly random woman profile so you'll respond to me? I'm sure the response would be something like "for the love of God, woman, put some d@mn clothes ON", but whatever.........geez, I just wanted to chat. :P
Some seemingly random woman from the US liked and commented on posts going back over a year and then messaged me her cell phone number and invited me to chat.
I got one of those a couple of months ago from a Facebook group I’m on. I declined texting, adding her as a friend, and a date. I was open to chatting in messenger to get to know each other and meeting platonically. Alas, she didn’t seem interested in those things, off and on chat with no meeting where I kept shutting down flirting, and the conversation faded away. In my case I think she was dazzled by my adventurous exploits. You must have some compelling photos? I mean to say there’s a middle ground between swapping digits vs. ignoring her in case you have common ground?
Do I need to go back and add some half-naked pics to my seemingly random woman profile so you'll respond to me? I'm sure the response would be something like "for the love of God, woman, put some d@mn clothes ON", but whatever.........geez, I just wanted to chat. :P
Don't underestimate the power of "bonus curves"
As an old friend of mine used to say "more cushion for the pushin"
At one point my ex was 190 lbs at 4' 11" high. I was fine with that. She did trim down a bit later but was always a extra curvy gal and I was fine with that too. I think she was around 175 when she hooked up with OM. She did have a charming smile and pleasant manner albeit with quite the temper that was never seen outside the house.
You must have some compelling photos?
Mostly food pictures. It was a very attractive salsa I made a couple of years ago that she commented on.
Too many shady people out there for me to take the risk. I generally only connect with people with whom I have a mutual acquaintance or that I know outside of social media. And even there, it's hit or miss. The 28 year old daughter of a friend of mine started following me recently - I never followed back. Rude in one way perhaps - not beeing a creepy old man in another. The one woman who I mentioned before who has a lot of drama that connected recently knows 3 or 4 people I know.
Avoid the Creople (creepy people!)
"Creople"--lmao! Love it. (:
At one point my ex was 190 lbs at 4' 11" high. I was fine with that. She did trim down a bit later but was always a extra curvy gal and I was fine with that too. I think she was around 175 when she hooked up with OM. She did have a charming smile and pleasant manner albeit with quite the temper that was never seen outside the house.
Does kind of make you wonder what OM saw in her, and how he feels about the "prize" he won.
At one point my ex was 190 lbs at 4' 11" high. I was fine with that. She did trim down a bit later but was always a extra curvy gal and I was fine with that too. I think she was around 175 when she hooked up with OM. She did have a charming smile and pleasant manner albeit with quite the temper that was never seen outside the house.
Does kind of make you wonder what OM saw in her, and how he feels about the "prize" he won.
What an odd comment...
At one point my ex was 190 lbs at 4' 11" high. I was fine with that. She did trim down a bit later but was always a extra curvy gal and I was fine with that too. I think she was around 175 when she hooked up with OM. She did have a charming smile and pleasant manner albeit with quite the temper that was never seen outside the house.
Does kind of make you wonder what OM saw in her, and how he feels about the "prize" he won.
Actually I kind of expected it to all fall apart after he found out about her temper. She would go into rages to the point where I was concerned she would hurt herself or others.
The last I saw of her during the divorce proceedings she was probably up a few pounds but now that she's "retired" I expect she's resumed her old snacking habits. Not my issue. She's at best an indifferent housekeeper, decent enough cook when she puts in the effort, affectionate but not interested in sex which given the age of OM may not be an issue anyway.
The narrative I still believe - no clue on if it's true or not - is that after OM lost his wife to cancer, she was supportive. Even told me about them going out for lunch to the pub across from her store. He was needy, she was kind, it got out of hand. I do know that she thought he had money as well. Many men who lose their partner certainly are vulnerable and needy I would presume.
I figure they're making it work somehow. She's too stubborn and proud to admit she made a mistake. No clue why he hangs on. I know nothing about him beyond the superficial. Will it last? No clue - not my concern. I just send the cheque once a month. The kids are grown and have their own relationship with their mother which I know nothing of so that's not a concern for me either.
I don't want my comment to be taken as any kind of a dig at weight per se. Just that she sounds like hardly the type of woman that would tempt a man to break up a marriage. Knowing that he was widowed makes more sense - lonely men make an easy mark. And I was referring to her temper when I wondered how he felt about his "prize".
Woke up this morning to being spammed on my IG account. Some seemingly random woman from the US liked and commented on posts going back over a year and then messaged me her cell phone number and invited me to chat. Unlike most times that seemingly random women are reaching out to me, this one doesn't have a half-naked profile picture and actually seems like a real person. Regardless - I'm not going to respond.
Do I need to go back and add some half-naked pics to my seemingly random woman profile so you'll respond to me? I'm sure the response would be something like "for the love of God, woman, put some d@mn clothes ON", but whatever.........geez, I just wanted to chat. :P
this wins the interwebs for the week, lmao
Hi Andrew,
How are ya? This has been on my mind for some time... Who told you that XW is "retired"? You keep bringing it up and I keep saying (to myself) to stay out of it... but according to her facebook, she is working. Full time. Far from "retired!"
ps: I keep my temper inside the house too.
Hi Andrew,
How are ya? This has been on my mind for some time... Who told you that XW is "retired"? You keep bringing it up and I keep saying (to myself) to stay out of it... but according to her facebook, she is working. Full time. Far from "retired!"
ps: I keep my temper inside the house too.
DREAM!! Good to hear from you. Hope you and the boys are continuing to do well and are staying safe. The oldest must almost be a teenager now?
News to me that she's working full time - you've got better information than I do. It was the mother of 20S who mentioned it to me probably about a bit over a year ago when I was dropping off some of her daughter's furniture to make room for S and her brood to move in. Small towns - everyone has their nose in everyone else's business. I've no information more recent than that. I don't ask anyone if they know anything and most of my friends don't say anything. The one person who used to feed me a constant stream of information stopped talking to me (long story) more than a year ago and things are much more peaceful.
I've purposely been not saying anything because I don't want to add to the mix... but I couldn't take it anymore! lol She was probably in between jobs when 20S mother told you that. Who knows?! But things aren't always as they seem.
We're all doing well here. Got our vaccines as soon as possible and we've managed to avoid covid. Oldest is now 15!!! He's signed up to learn how to drive this fall. Next in line is 13...
still a social butterfly and a huge help around the house with younger brothers and various tasks. And then next boy is 5 and starting kindergarten in the fall. He's super excited!!! and the baby will be 3 come fall... Growing up so fast. lol.
I'd like to hear more about what you're doing to take care of yourself... any walks lately? Whatever happened with the lady from work who you got ice cream with years ago?
I've purposely been not saying anything because I don't want to add to the mix... but I couldn't take it anymore! lol She was probably in between jobs when 20S mother told you that. Who knows?! But things aren't always as they seem.
You can say that again. If they were, none of us would be showing up on this doorstep full of confusion and pain.
We're all doing well here. Got our vaccines as soon as possible and we've managed to avoid covid. Oldest is now 15!!! He's signed up to learn how to drive this fall. Next in line is 13...
still a social butterfly and a huge help around the house with younger brothers and various tasks. And then next boy is 5 and starting kindergarten in the fall. He's super excited!!! and the baby will be 3 come fall... Growing up so fast. lol.
Wow - where does the time go. Glad to hear everyone is doing well.
I'd like to hear more about what you're doing to take care of yourself... any walks lately? Whatever happened with the lady from work who you got ice cream with years ago?
Work life is just stupid busy right now.
Getting a bit better as I learn but no time for outside activities including walks. I do need to make them a priority again.
I do get a fair bit of movement in at work as I'm a "walk around and look at it kind of guy" I just got back from climbing up and down a loading rack and I'm in and out of the plant and up and down stairs a fair bit - but still nothing consistent.
I also need to make more reading time. A new book on the history around the end of the 15th century just came out that I've been looking forward to. I believe it auto-downloaded to my e-reader last night as I pre-ordered it.
My friend from the ice cream walks is still around. I've not seen her physically in well over a year but will probably be seeing her in about a month or so - she's my girl-guide cookie supplier and I've ordered 2 cases. One for my daughter and her husband and the other for my son and I to share. I also see her most Fridays on the Zoom Happy Hour that a bunch of my colleagues have been participating in. One of my best friends thinks I should be dating her - he knows us both. The logistics of that doesn't play out well though as she lives about 2 1/2 hours away. Still living with her parents in her early 40s - never married - I'm not aware of any serious relationship either and I've known her for at least 15 years. There seem to be a number of women who just never "settled down" even though they are capable and caring people. Perhaps "never settled" is maybe an accurate description. I have another friend who I've lost touch with that once assured me that her entire condo building was filled with middle-aged single women who would love to date someone like me.
Quieter day at the plant today. We only have 4 railcars on our sidings today and only 1 of those needs attention as opposed to the usual 8 or so. Shipments are lower today too. Just the way the day worked out.
I did have a minor altercation with a driver who showed up unscheduled looking for a load. I had told him that I'd have to check to see if he could be loaded and he pulled in between asking the question and getting the answer and convinced the operator that he should be loaded so I walked out to chat. Not a happy person. All I could do was shrug my shoulders and let him know that the answer was no and that he'll have to wait for the tanks to fill up more and then we'd load him. He was about to blow a gasket but turned and left. Certainly something to be said for being non-confrontational. I can understand his frustration though. He knows it's a quieter day today and they want to roll all the wagons through that they can during regular hours.
---
So a couple of days ago was the 5 year anniversary of my XW moving out (finally) after months of the horrors of in-house separation. I had been watching for it but it went by while I was busy doing other things.
As has been discussed on DnJ's thread, there's still a certain level of WTF about what happened and how it has played out. Part of me wishes for Karma to drive by and bite her in the butt still but largely I don't wish her any ill.
At the time I honestly felt that she was mentally ill, perhaps caused by a MLC or menopause or whatever. Like you do with a partner who you feel is ill, I was patient and kind and ensured she knew that she could continue to trust and rely on me. That probably dragged things out a lot more than they should have. Perhaps I should have tossed her and her stuff out into the snowbank, but that's not the sort of person I was. Am I still? I hope to never have to find out - but I'm certainly wiser than before.
Was she in her right mind prior to the affair, during the affair, or was she fully rational and cognizant of the impact of her actions? No way to tell. I expect not the latter though as she seemed truly shocked and surprised when I eventually cut her loose.
For both of us, our lives are not at all like what I am sure we had both imagined previously. I'm going to have to work longer and have less career flexibility than I might have had otherwise. Not that I don't find my existing role challenging and interesting, but my options to leave are limited because I'm obliged to send that large monthly payment. That means that taking career risks by jumping companies isn't a great option for me.
For her, no clue. Things that I thought used to be part of her self-identity; her volunteer work with youth, her job, being Mrs P - the long suffering wife of a hard-working nerd who thought the world of her, the respect of her friends and the community. Some of her friends I know have stood by her, but what they think of her? No clue. I would have a hard time imaging her gaining anything. If she ran off seeking her freedom and the ability to do whatever she wanted, I'm not seeing that. From the little I can see, she lives more conservatively than if we had been still together although she did get the requisite tattoos that come as part of the MLC package.
Speculation happens even though it is useless. If you don't examine your entrails you can't understand what ends up in the toilet
These days I feel like I'm living in a version of limbo. The path before me is unclear and like I often do, I sit and stare at the mists rather than striding forward into them.
As has been discussed on DnJ's thread, there's still a certain level of WTF about what happened and how it has played out.
People tend to end relationships for 2 reasons, loss of attraction or can't see a happy future together.
Part of me wishes for Karma to drive by and bite her in the butt still but largely I don't wish her any ill.
So unhappiness. Not death.
At the time I honestly felt that she was mentally ill, perhaps caused by a MLC or menopause or whatever. Like you do with a partner who you feel is ill, I was patient and kind and ensured she knew that she could continue to trust and rely on me. That probably dragged things out a lot more than they should have. Perhaps I should have tossed her and her stuff out into the snowbank, but that's not the sort of person I was. Am I still? I hope to never have to find out - but I'm certainly wiser than before.
Hope adulatory is a boundary for you.
Was she in her right mind prior to the affair, during the affair, or was she fully rational and cognizant of the impact of her actions?
Yes
No way to tell. I expect not the latter though as she seemed truly shocked and surprised when I eventually cut her loose.
What do you mean your cut her loose? Allowed her to leave you?
For both of us, our lives are not at all like what I am sure we had both imagined previously. I'm going to have to work longer and have less career flexibility than I might have had otherwise. Not that I don't find my existing role challenging and interesting, but my options to leave are limited because I'm obliged to send that large monthly payment. That means that taking career risks by jumping companies isn't a great option for me.
Sounds like an excuse. A new job would mean another paycheck right?
For her, no clue. Things that I thought used to be part of her self-identity; her volunteer work with youth, her job, being Mrs P - the long suffering wife of a hard-working nerd who thought the world of her, the respect of her friends and the community. Some of her friends I know have stood by her, but what they think of her? No clue.
My guess they think she was a person who was unhappy in her marriage like many others and moved on.
I would have a hard time imaging her gaining anything. If she ran off seeking her freedom and the ability to do whatever she wanted, I'm not seeing that. From the little I can see, she lives more conservatively than if we had been still together although she did get the requisite tattoos that come as part of the MLC package.
Maybe maybe not. It's hard to come back with your tail between your legs.
Speculation happens even though it is useless. If you don't examine your entrails you can't understand what ends up in the toilet
Definitely useless unless you learn something. What have you learned?
These days I feel like I'm living in a version of limbo.
Waiting for her to come back or until you die?
The path before me is unclear and like I often do, I sit and stare at the mists rather than striding forward into them.
That's a you problem my Canadian brother.
Hi Andrew,
the respect of her friends and the community. Some of her friends I know have stood by her, but what they think of her?
My XGF and I have a friend in common, so I don't have to guess. A person can see a flaw in someone and still respect them, value them, want what's best for them. I'm sure each of her friends sees her positives and negatives a little differently. She's an ex, though, so it's probably not a good use of time wondering what they each think about her? (:
I don’t agree with LH. MLCers often leave because they’re depressed and think that will change if they’re with someone new (it seldom does because, wherever you go, there you are). Or because they’re bored and craving novelty (my ex was both of the above). Or simply because they fear aging, death and dying and are desperate to prove to themselves they’re still young (wait, that’s my ex too!).
I’m sure lots of marriages break up because of basic incompatibility, but when you’ve had a long and mostly happy marriage like Andrew or I, MLC is usually the reason. In my ex’s case, superimposed over his essential narcissism and the void he was always trying to fill. In fact, I’m willing to bet he couldn’t have stayed married as long or as happily with someone else.
Yeah, his current wife may last - her youth (19 years younger) will always feed his narcissism. And as he gets older and less attractive, his options for cheating on her will shrink. I hope they stay married for my kids’ sake. But in no way do I think she’s a better partner for him than I was. My divorce really wasn’t about me (as so many of us have found out, twisting ourselves into pretzels to be what they said they want does nothing when the real problem is inside them). It was about his issues, and his inability or unwillingness to deal with them.
As for finances Andrew - well, we would both be where we expected to be if we were partnered up with someone who had similar assets, right? But they seem few and far between. So I plan, like you do, to do it all in my own. For me, it’s worth doing so that I can make my own financial decisions without the push/pull of someone else’s spending priorities.
I don’t agree with LH. MLCers often leave because they’re depressed and think that will change if they’re with someone new (it seldom does because, wherever you go, there you are). Or because they’re bored and craving novelty (my ex was both of the above). Or simply because they fear aging, death and dying and are desperate to prove to themselves they’re still young (wait, that’s my ex too!).
Sounds to me exactly like "can't see a happy future together".
But not because it’s true, or because of their partner. Just because they are depressed and unhappy within themselves, and like an alcoholic doing a geographic, think that if they change up their life they’ll feel better. Some just change with a sports car or a tattoo; when that fails to make them feel better, then they think their spouse must be the problem. Darn few of the MLC WASs seem to end up totally happy and fulfilled after their divorces, though, because they haven’t put in the work. Those of us LBSs though that HAVE put in the work, often come out happier in the end.
Again - I’m not talking about younger marriages where there may be real incompatibility issues. But if you’ve been happily married for the most part of 25 years, odds are it’s not about the LBS.
kml, that sounds uber-frustrating to have played little to no part in their walking away. I can at least look back and say, despite my ex’s faults, where I goofed before BD#1. “I won’t make that mistake again.” E.g., I learned to stop arguing.
But not because it’s true, or because of their partner. Just because they are depressed and unhappy within themselves, and like an alcoholic doing a geographic, think that if they change up their life they’ll feel better. Some just change with a sports car or a tattoo; when that fails to make them feel better, then they think their spouse must be the problem. Darn few of the MLC WASs seem to end up totally happy and fulfilled after their divorces, though, because they haven’t put in the work. Those of us LBSs though that HAVE put in the work, often come out happier in the end.
Again - I’m not talking about younger marriages where there may be real incompatibility issues. But if you’ve been happily married for the most part of 25 years, odds are it’s not about the LBS.
KML- It doesn’t change the point that it’s the WS spouse feeling when they are walking out the door. I never said it was Andrew’s fault. He still seems to be dumbfounded why she left. She thought she would be happier with OM then with him. Whether she is right or wrong is another story.
I don’t agree with LH. MLCers often leave because they’re depressed and think that will change if they’re with someone new (it seldom does because, wherever you go, there you are). Or because they’re bored and craving novelty (my ex was both of the above). Or simply because they fear aging, death and dying and are desperate to prove to themselves they’re still young (wait, that’s my ex too!).
Sounds to me exactly like "can't see a happy future together".
while scapegoating the LBS. happiness comes from within.
Wondering if I was going to bother posting or not. Darned seagulls. I remember when I was a boy out discing or scuffling in the fields that suddenly one seagull would show up out of nowhere looking for whatever got unearthed and then eventually they'd be all over the field.
Easy enough to ignore and they didn't get in the way - although there was that one day that one pooped in my sandwich - fortunately spotted in time.
I'm pleased that the latest news about my ex really didn't affect me at all. I'll admit to a mild curiosity but nothing that actually spurs me into action.
Taking a break from trying to get ahead of things for this week at the plant. I'm covering for a colleague in my old corporate role who is off to British Columbia with his family for 2 weeks. It's going to add an hour or two to each day - as long as everything goes smoothly. I've made sure my colleagues at the plant are aware.
Looking out I see that we have about 5 railcars inbound but it should be a nice steady week. The boss advised me this morning (he never stops working) that he was expecting to release those next Monday so we can take our time. Usually any cars we get in on a Monday night are processed and released the same day. I have 4 on our siding right now. One of them I'll release empty tomorrow, shunt one full one over for unloading and then 4 of these 5 we'll unload and the reload. The actual moving of cars around is becoming second nature now and the feedback I get every time I put together the planning is helping me do better. I know for example that one of the cars I need to get loaded won't be loaded until at least late this week and so since it's right at the front of the line, I need to be sure I can ship all the other cars that may be there. If I have to move a car out of the way and put it back, there's a seriously large charge to do that from the railway.
I'm working on getting back to "normal" again. I have a haircut with a new barber scheduled for next Tuesday - my old barber retired. Currently I'm styling the "mad scientist" look a la Dr. Julius Sumner and would like to get more George Clooney although there is a certain amount of mad scientist within me.
I reached out to my tailor to see if they still have my measurements for another batch of shirts and bought a new iron as my old one seems to be acting up. Not something that I can do without.
I need to work on keeping my distance from "P" - but it's hard. There's a fascination about her that is compelling despite our very real political differences and a certain "train wreck" vibe. She re-did her shop layout and promised cookies to those who came in. Well - she had me at cookies. They were pretty good. I'm pretty sure they were an intentional lure for me specifically because she commented that she was uncertain about making peanut butter cookies as she said that she thought to herself that "
he just made some". We did end up chatting for over an hour. Given the heavy rain that was happening yesterday, her shop was very quiet. I was surprised / unsurprised to learn that she is a great-grandmother. I think she's a year or so younger than I am.
I was disappointed to learn at the flower shop that the owner and most of the staff have had to isolate for 2 weeks because of a Covid infection. They were closed last weekend so that explains that. The staff member who was working told me that she had been talking to "F" on the phone the day before and got her ear talked off. Isolating at home with a small child and no other human contact seems to be hard. "F" was saying that she was running out of things to clean. I was jealous - I'm not currently able to keep up here and some things are just having to be let slide. There's a long weekend coming up though so perhaps that will help.
I've not written about my cat recently - and he just jumped up on the desk. The biting behavour he had is greatly reduced. I've largely, with the help of a spray bottle, stopped him from chewing on things to get my attention and he chews on me much less. I don't stop him, but I don't encourage it. I expect his former owner played fairly rough with him, which he likes but I don't. He's also doing fine now that I have him back on his hypoallergenic food too which is good. He's much less independent than what I'm used to and likes being in whatever room I happen to be in.
I did take it a bit easy yesterday - the rain prevented outside work - and had a nice afternoon soak in the tub with one of those nice bath bombs from "P"'s shop and watched the rain outside and the trees waving in the wind while I read a bit of my new book on the history of the late 15th century. I'm just a hedonistic, wild and crazy kinda guy ain't I
Well - this stuff sadly isn't going to do itself. I need to get a few reports out of the way, the paperwork for tomorrow's loads ready, my ironing done yadda yadda yadda. I'm also going to pop "in to town" to pick up a few things. With the heavy rains yesterday, my grass is too wet to cut.
I haven't decided on what to have for dinner yet but do have a loaf of bread out rising. Probably something light. Maybe tuna macaroni - I've not done that for a while. I have some goats cheese that would be nice in the sauce. Ah - the joys of typing things out - helps with the decision making.
Hasta manana amigos
I need to work on keeping my distance from "P" - but it's hard. There's a fascination about her that is compelling despite our very real political differences and a certain "train wreck" vibe.
No, no, no! What IS it with you and the train wrecks? For a guy who seems to value order, why are you attracted to chaos? This is a very serious question you need to answer before you start dating again.
And be careful about those political differences. These days, unfortunately, those differences seem to be less about tax policy and foreign policy, and much more about grievance and self interest versus caring about one’s fellow man and believing in science. I don’t see how one could have a happy relationship without agreement on those basic values
helzzzzz no AndyP ... run, don't walk away from the trainwreck great grandma!!!
that fascination is what causes cars to slow down at accident sites, btw
Lol bttrfly’s right! Stop gawking!
I feel you, Andrew. Remember how I blocked all calls/texts from Ms BunnyBoiler? It's because as much as I could see she was.. a little dangerous for me.. I felt a pull that was hard to ignore.
Step AWAY from the crazy, Andrew! Listen, if you are so intent on rescuing some damsel in distress, I'll start sending you my MIL's bills and you can take care of her. LOL Just kidding, but you get my point, hopefully. STOP trying to rescue crazy. Crazy doesn't want to be rescued. You deserve WAY better.
Good Morning Andrew
I'm glad you are feeling more adjusted to your numerous and mostly non clearly identified work tasks. I believe you have found the reward in accomplishment rather than the overwhelming of the vastness. It's a mindset that some just cannot get.
My work is never caught up. Never! I never get the satisfaction of no emails in my inbox, or �hey there is nothing to do let's just sit down and chat. Lol. There is always a backlog of maintenance and corrective actions that require attention. Inevitably something comes up most everyday; switching, equipment failure, unplanned or inadvertent outages, and such.
The inadvertent outages were my bane last week. Three from one of my technicians. He had lapses of judgement / concentration and poof - an outage. Thankfully, no injuries, and no customers out of power. Just equipment not available for use. Rather large equipment. The stuff that feeds the stations that feeds the stations that feed the cities and towns.
As such, I've reassigned him. These wee incidents are the warning signs that need to be heeded before something far more serious or deadly occurs. Over the next few weeks and months, he and I will be working closely. Intensive mentoring and coaching is on the agenda. Some habits need to be broken and other created and reinforced.
Given the never ending of the tasks before me and my staff it is critically important to take breaks. To: say hey, let's have a break and sit down and chat. I think you've found that as well. We need those times to unplug and recharge. Even a wee 15 minute break - away from the computer, phone, transformer, rail car, whatever - in the coffee room - gives one's mind a rest. One comes back focused and more effective. My technician needs to learn this. He has the habit of working through breaks or just remaining right at the job site. That means you really don't stop working. Your mind is still on the task. An easy enough habit to instil, I hope.
As has been discussed on DnJ's thread, there's still a certain level of WTF about what happened and how it has played out. Part of me wishes for Karma to drive by and bite her in the butt still but largely I don't wish her any ill.
Oh yes, the WTF happened is pretty normal is such a situation. Reasonably happily married for decades, and then not.
Our long time spouse, now ex spouse, followed an irrational path. The LBS attempts to rationalize and make sense of it all. Understanding can happen, although are plenty of counterintuitive acceptances along that path.
From my point of view, and you can correct me if I'm wrong (
), I see your reluctance to accept MLC holding you back.
I get it. I see those that are strongly against such tripe as MLC. Seeing it as nothing more than an LBS trying to avoid looking within or accepting their role in the demise of their marriage. Plenty of strongly worded posts abound heralding the being lost in denial if one listens to such a view as MLC and the dangers of accepting such heresy.
And there are those that are proponents for MLC as a valid and real explanation. There is certainly plenty of WTF behaviour in your XW's journey that leads credence to her living within an emotional crisis.
Both sides of this are valid. And both are true. You know me - middle of the road guy.
Let accepting the validity of both views and the validity of never truly knowing what someone else is feeling or thinking be enough. We LBS only fix ourselves, regardless of the reasons for our spouses leaving.
For what it's worth, MLC is real. You can accept that, or not. Believe that, or not. It changes nothing. MLC exists. People suffer within their emotional torment. It is only how you see it that might change. And that changes everything!
Karma. One of the things that change. One�s need for karmic intervention.
The MLC canon shows how tormented these lost souls are. Sure, outwardly at times they appear quite happy. Look bigger. Look at their lives. Their loves. Their passions. Their dreams and desires. Shadowy figments in a fake reality.
There is no need for wishing any karmic happenstance. For they are already living it!
Love the sinner. Forgive the sin. Ah, forgiveness. Another thing that comes from such a small and significant change in point of view.
Have a great weekend.
And by the way. Nice hair cut!
D
The inadvertent outages were my bane last week. Three from one of my technicians. He had lapses of judgement / concentration and poof - an outage. Thankfully, no injuries, and no customers out of power.
I think most workplaces have people like that. We have one of the loaders / assistant engineers who is like that. One of my varied duties is providing instructions on what trucks are to be loaded, out of which tank and to what level. In the past I've seen him try really hard to please and to anticipate the instructions and not actually listen to them. Last week I very explicitly identified on 2 out of 3 documents that he was to short load a truck by about 3 1/2 tonnes (out of 26). He loaded to the full value. He doesn't report to me and his supervisor backed him up - to a degree - but accepted that the very large note about the need to short load should have worked. My own opinion is that if people aren't following my instructions the fault is mine for not being clear enough and communicating in a way that is effective. Of course, my micro-managing boss pointed out to me early that day that we'd drawn more product than we should have and then I spent time chasing it down. Blergh.
And by the way. Nice hair cut!
Thanks. First time with this new barber and one of the fastest haircuts I've gotten. I made sure to tip generously even though I wasn't completely sure about it as I want to be sure that the next time I go back that he remembers me as a "good customer" and puts in the effort.
----
Not a lot going on. Long weekend here. I finally have given up on trying to chemically get rid of the odour de la chaton incontinent from the front porch and laundry room and tore up the top level of flooring. Fortunately with the multiple renovations here there is a serviceable layer below. Yet another reminder that people who can't take care of where they live before you date them are not people who will take care of where they live later.
Despite it being a long weekend I've been stuck in my home office for a lot of it. The cat chewed on the corner of my laptop and cracked the screen about a month or so ago and the replacement is finally in which I'm typing on now. Getting it set up the way I want isn't a quick process. I also bought a new home computer (Raspberry Pi) that I need to get set up too.
I talked to my daughter and have made the choice that I won't try to get over to Seattle to visit her at the end of August. Just too much uncertainty about travel restrictions pending. The reports out about the new Covid variant make me think that hunkering down for yet more time is probably the smart choice vs traveling cross-continent.
My son and I are resuming our every-two-week brunch and going out tomorrow to a new place. It will be nice to see him and catch up.
I feel a bit guilty about not reaching out to "C" to set up a date. I may do that in the next week or so, perhaps on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon after church. It would be nice to see her and catch up. She is undoubtedly in a better place than she was when we dated a few years ago and she was mid-divorce.
I'm still in a place where I just don't have the bandwidth to date anyone. I was thinking earlier today that these past 2 years have more or less just been "lost time". I got drawn in to the chaos of "S"'s world and since we split last November have just been paddling as hard as I can to avoid being pulled down-river. Heck, I've even been considering hiring a neighbourhood kid to cut my grass and someone to help clean despite these being things that I enjoy and are a priority for me.
Well - A bit of wiggle room this weekend. I have my third load of laundry just about to shift, it's a cool and rainy day here so a nice soak in the tub is called for and then perhaps early to bed.
Not a lot going on. Long weekend here. I finally have given up on trying to chemically get rid of the odour de la chaton incontinent from the front porch and laundry room and tore up the top level of flooring. Fortunately with the multiple renovations here there is a serviceable layer below. Yet another reminder that people who can't take care of where they live before you date them are not people who will take care of where they live later.
and I will also add that people who make the commitment to caring for an animal then treat it with such neglect are not likely to do much better with commitments to humans. A stretch? I think not.
Despite it being a long weekend I've been stuck in my home office for a lot of it. The cat chewed on the corner of my laptop and cracked the screen about a month or so ago and the replacement is finally in which I'm typing on now. Getting it set up the way I want isn't a quick process. I also bought a new home computer (Raspberry Pi) that I need to get set up too.
i have to ask why our furry friends choose to do such things. I left to pick up son yesterday and came home to a mess on the floor. The dog (who had been fed dinner just before I left the house) jumped up and grabbed a container of crushed eggshells (I save them for my girls - calcium for them) and decided to dig in. Why? It's not like he was hungry, he is well fed. He's just 12 and getting a bit daft I guess. My cat loves to chew on my gardening crocs. I have a customized pair with itty bitty kitty bites all along the part that goes over the top of my foot and the very back. At least he made them match beautifully. The dog predictably puked up egg shells this morning. No breakfast for him and perhaps no dinner either while I watch to see if he's in distress. He's a springer, so they do have cast iron stomachs as a rule, but really. I think he's going to be crated every time I leave the house from now on as this is becoming more frequent. The cat puked up a hairball on my pad of tracing paper. Le sigh. All before a cup of Joe this am. Happy Sunday.
I talked to my daughter and have made the choice that I won't try to get over to Seattle to visit her at the end of August. Just too much uncertainty about travel restrictions pending. The reports out about the new Covid variant make me think that hunkering down for yet more time is probably the smart choice vs traveling cross-continent.
I hate to say this but I think this is a wise choice.
My son and I are resuming our every-two-week brunch and going out tomorrow to a new place. It will be nice to see him and catch up.
I'm really glad you two are resuming this.
I feel a bit guilty about not reaching out to "C" to set up a date. I may do that in the next week or so, perhaps on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon after church. It would be nice to see her and catch up. She is undoubtedly in a better place than she was when we dated a few years ago and she was mid-divorce.
No need to feel guilty, AP. Life happens.
I'm still in a place where I just don't have the bandwidth to date anyone. I was thinking earlier today that these past 2 years have more or less just been "lost time". I got drawn in to the chaos of "S"'s world and since we split last November have just been paddling as hard as I can to avoid being pulled down-river. Heck, I've even been considering hiring a neighbourhood kid to cut my grass and someone to help clean despite these being things that I enjoy and are a priority for me.
Lost time is one way to look at it. Another is that you've learned a very great deal from the last two forays out into the world of dating that you would not have perhaps learned in any other way. I hope that you will feel less sad and lonely over time and more grateful for the lessons, as you continue to heal. BTW healing isn't lost time. And you are dating - right now you're dating AndrewP. He's a pretty nice guy, even got a spiffy new haircut recently.
i have to ask why our furry friends choose to do such things. I left to pick up son yesterday and came home to a mess on the floor.
With the cat it's absolutely an attention getting thing. He doesn't chew on anything unless I can see him do it. I had been worried because he does chew on wires and that is a pretty big safety risk. Dogs I don't have experience with but I'm not surprised your pup went dumpster diving. This is new behaviour I presume?
My son and I are resuming our every-two-week brunch and going out tomorrow to a new place. It will be nice to see him and catch up.
I'm really glad you two are resuming this.
Had a nice brunch with my son. We generally talk about work and life and whatnot. His poker games have started up again which are around the corner from me and one of his few social outlets so that's good. Overall he seems to be doing well. He had a fresh haircut and his beard is back - it comes and goes depending on wind direction I think. Like me, it was very sparse until he hit about 25. An acquaintance stopped by our table and remarked on how much we look alike - which I don't see so much.
One thing that came up that was slightly annoying, but not all that surprising is that he needs me to drive him to an eye appointment in a couple of weeks. He started by asking if I still worked from home on Wednesdays when I said no - it seemed to be an issue that he wouldn't be able to get to the appointment otherwise. I never bothered to ask if he had checked with his mother or not - presumably that wasn't an option for him. Her fella is retired so .... - anyway - whateva. His mother historically hasn't been one to go out of her way for her kids or me - I remember her wanting to just drop me off at the hospital when I was in for a heart procedure years ago - her boss had to insist on her taking the day off. She hates missing a day of work which was always her first loyalty it seemed.
Oh and bttrfly - I picked up a moka pot and made some nice coffee with it this morning. I had reached out to my daughter - her husband is "very" into good coffee for recommendations and she suggested a medium roast. I put the kettle on as well so after the moka pot brewed up the espresso I added water to get Americano. Very tasty and it will be nice to have the option to have coffee from time to time for myself and any potential guest. It's just a small pot so I end up with 2 mugs full of coffee which is exactly the amount I need. And the moka pot is a pretty cool piece of kit as well.
Odd feelings this morning. For the first time in a long time I miss my ex. It's the whole holiday morning / sleeping in thing that hit the hardest. Holiday mornings are for laying in and just "being".
I suppose in part that it's the nearly literal life-time we spent together for over 2 1/2 decades that play in to that feeling of "comfortable" that I had. If I had been asked about the state of my marriage prior to everything going all "explody" I would have said that I was content.
August in particular is a difficult month because what was my anniversary is in the middle of the month as well as the anniversary of when we met. It is also when I typically take a week or so off - historically so that we could go somewhere for our anniversary and to also get the house ready for winter - yes - the year has just vanished in a blur.
I'm also getting more comfortable in mentioning his mother when my son and I visit. Tales like the fact that when car shopping I had to be sure to not hit my head and that she could see over the dash. I don't know if that's a good thing or not - but I feel less need to shunt those memories into the bin. They happened. That probably helped to put her front of mind as did some old pictures of us together resurfacing in social media in the past few days.
Waking up in that empty bed didn't create any sort of urging to find anyone to share it with though. Perhaps it's a function of just being so darned busy lately, related to the burning my trust and heart took with "S". Not that I had any heart-break at the end of that relationship - just that through it, those values that I have about respect, trust etc just got stomped into the mud. Along with the optimism that there could be "someone" out there for me.
My marriage nor my partner certainly weren't perfect. And neither was I. I could be a bit of a "stick in the mud" and also get wrapped up in random interests be it boat building or wearing bow ties. She had a nasty temper and while capable in many ways and things, it always felt that I and the kids took second place while her energies and capabilities were focused outside the home.
As I've written before recently, I'm "stuck". And like the 50 year old wallpaper in this room, if I don't know what to do I will often do nothing. On the other hand I know that some changes - like pulling up the flooring in the laundry room and front porch this weekend - can have unexpected and pleasant results. It was so nice to walk down the stairs this morning and not get a whiff of incontinent cat. I put up with that for months though - hoping that with minimal effort that it would get better before taking the risk that I would make a bigger problem when removing the flooring - yeah - sometimes my analogies are really a stretch.
It used to be that when I would see random women on the street or talking to them, I could imagine what it would be like to have that person as a partner. Now, no. In part I feel broken even though I know I'm not. Tired and bruised, yes.
Well - examining my entrails here isn't getting stuff done. I need a quart of milk so may drive a bit for it rather than just getting it across the street. I may stop out at the cemetery on the way too and check on my real estate investment and visit some relatives.
I have an hour or so of work to do today, the grass needs cutting and the dusting is hovering - but a break to do something "useless" is a good plan.
If I had been asked about the state of my marriage prior to everything going all "explody" I would have said that I was content.
She had a nasty temper and while capable in many ways and things, it always felt that I and the kids took second place while her energies and capabilities were focused outside the home.
You were content with very little, it seems.
Can you construct a picture in your mind of what a better relationship would look like? Someone who is kind. Who likes your bow ties. Who wants intimacy. Who can share an intellectual discussion with you? It's not too much to ask.
Hello Andrew
I too felt pretty content and assured before my married went all explody as well.
It�s ok to miss your ex. I miss mine as well. Of course, I endeavour to be accurate and clear so to clarify.
It is W you miss, not XW. The person she was, or you thought she was if that is more along with what you think or believe (or want too). Personally, I go with she was that person you slept in late with and felt so comfortable around. She changed along the way, like all of us do with the passage of time. Unfortunately, her changes were likely driven by some unrealized hidden irrational forces which lead to irrational and immoral behaviours and actions.
Over two and a half decades. It�s a lot to accept and let go. And with the anniversary date a few weeks away, feelings are stirring. And by the way, those memories are not meant to go in the trash bin. Our ghosts can either haunt or help; the choice is up to each of us. Your�s are helpful in my humble opinion.
I empathize with your feelings of being stuck. I do not believe you are stuck, just pondering is all. A good thing in my view. Taking stock and ensuring one�s path is a pretty good reason for a pit stop.
During this internal shifting and organizing, you can still do something. Being still doesn�t mean not progressing. Removing that old wall paper and the smelly floor boards are excellent examples of useful projects. And in more than just the obvious fresh air. Letting one�s mind and heart be, ushers in fresh and renewing as well.
Waking up in that empty bed didn't create any sort of urging to find anyone to share it with though. Perhaps it's a function of just being so darned busy lately, related to the burning my trust and heart took with "S". Not that I had any heart-break at the end of that relationship - just that through it, those values that I have about respect, trust etc just got stomped into the mud. Along with the optimism that there could be "someone" out there for me.
Values can get stomped on, even by ourselves. It�s ok. Pick em out of the mud. Belief in respect, trust, honour, etc. doesn�t shatter from pressure. Strengthen that which serves you.
In part I feel broken even though I know I'm not. Tired and bruised, yes.
Glad to see you recognize the feelings and the temporariness of such.
Life at times is hard and can hand out some bruises and scars. (Chicks dig scars I�m told. Lol) Dust off, rest, heal. Keep moving forward.
I have an hour or so of work to do today, the grass needs cutting and the dusting is hovering - but a break to do something "useless" is a good plan.
My grass needs cutting as well; around 5 hours of work. Probably an other 5 hours of spraying weeds is also required. Instead, I�m taking the day off and enjoying this holiday. I actually slept in til 8:00 am. Completely unheard of! Of course I was called out two nights ago and got home at midnight and got up at my internal alarm of 5:30 am. Then had an other call to attend to. So maybe my over ten hours of slumber was due.
I think I�ll go brush the dogs for a bit. I like your idea of �useless�.
Ah, the fresh air - body and soul. Breath deep my friend.
D
I have no grass to mow so cannot really relate, but my sister in Portland OR daydreams about getting something called an iMow, apparently a roomba for mowing your lawn.
Andrew, you're so busy these days that I'm not surprised that you lack the energy for dating. And unfortunately, with the pandemic, the opportunity for other types of socializing are limited. It will get better. You need to take this time alone I think, so that you will be more choosy in the future.
What will you put down in the porch? Maybe just a large area rug over the existing linoleum? Or maybe some of that new, inexpensive vinyl plank flooring that looks like wood? Or maybe peel and stick tiles that you could put down easily yourself? Look at your home like a new girlfriend might view it - if you build it, they will come.
What is the purpose of the porch now that it's no longer a storage unit?
Andrew,
Thank you for my new favorite word "explody". Explody is bad, but it provides an opportunity for rebuilding.
I just bought a Ruggable (well two, but only put one down as a test). My cats tear up everything. So this is a low pile, chenile top rug (no loops for them to pull at) that you can wash in the washing machine that grips to base layer. I put a runner in the kitchen as an experiment and so far the cats have shown zero interest in it. Because it is low pile and has the grippy bottom, it works great in the kitchen. Doesn't slide around, you don't trip on it, etc. I know they make indoor/outdoor ones as well.
I hired a yard guy when I moved in. Looked for the nicest yard on my street and then waited till the yard guys showed up. They quoted me a good price and I've not had to worry about the lawn. I imagine you probably like doing it when you are able, but I didn't want to have to buy the equipment/maintain it/get heatstroke or lug the trimmings out on bulk trash day (and store them until then).
I'm sorry you are sad to wake up alone. I imagine it's the sort of thing that comes and goes. I've been quite delighted to do so (well, sometimes because my fat cat will often be there when I awake). Kick out my legs and revel in my choices each day. I think the loneliness will set in after my amygdala calms down from all the stressors I have had to deal with for years now. I'm planning to join some activities when it does. Until then I'm in a happy hermit stage.
Have you ever read anything by Pema Chodron? She's an American Buddhist. At the beginning I read a book called "When Things Fall Apart". I found it very helpful. I don't know much about Buddhist tenets and it is probably something very basic, but I liked the notion of being most free when we have nothing, are tied to nothing, and have nothing else to lose. Life is an empty canvas and you get to paint it any way you want. I love that (right now anyway).
Thinking about you dear friend.
Can you construct a picture in your mind of what a better relationship would look like? Someone who is kind. Who likes your bow ties. Who wants intimacy. Who can share an intellectual discussion with you? It's not too much to ask.
I can't envision that at all frankly. On the one hand, that indicates that I really don't know what I want, but on the other could mean that I have lost a lot of pre-conceptions on what would make a good partner. You are right about the basics and non-negotiables. Kind heart. Patient with a certain level of ecentricity. "Warmth" who can enjoy just "being" if that makes sense.
Values can get stomped on, even by ourselves. It's ok. Pick em out of the mud. Belief in respect, trust, honour, etc. doesn't shatter from pressure. Strengthen that which serves you.
Indeed. Those are core values that have been handed down from my ancestors and reinforced. Like anything precious, making sure they are protected is important so my risk tolerance is a lot lower these days.
Chicks dig scars I'm told. Lol
Well I'm just a chick magnet then
My hands are fairly scarred from growing up on a farm and I have some scars on my back from barely making it out of a burning house when I was just a baby. Nose broken at least 3 times and largely reset - I was in varsity wrestling and not very good at it. I will say that it's been nearly 40 years since my last bar-fight and that was because a guy was dis-respecting a girl he was with. He was rather surprised when I tossed him out the back door and closed it after. The girl it turned out was less than pleased and got mad at me for being "so unfair" to him because I was probably 1/3 again his size. Can't win them all I suppose. That was the last time that trouble seemed to find me which I'm grateful for because I'm not at all an aggressive person.
What is the purpose of the porch now that it's no longer a storage unit?
Ohhh - buuurrrnnn!
The front porch is in my mind poorly designed for most practical uses. The windows are too high to put furniture out there and watch the world go by. On a nice sunny day though it will generate enough heat to warm up the house. I probably won't put in new flooring any time soon. What's left in there is serviceable albeit ugly with the remaining glue.
Given an unlimited budget, I'd probably tear it off and replace it with the open porch that this house originally had. All part of the "if it ain't broke" philosophy that keeps me from doing a lot of things around here.
Thank you for my new favorite word "explody". Explody is bad, but it provides an opportunity for rebuilding.
Lots of great words found here. A former poster and a lovely lady, Vanilla, I believe introduced me to the word Wassock.
Have you ever read anything by Pema Chodron? She's an American Buddhist. At the beginning I read a book called "When Things Fall Apart".
My "to be read pile" is fairly large at present but I'll have a look for this. Still working through my book on the history of the late 15th century so this would certainly be a departure from that.
---
Work life is still crazy busy. I've had a few conversations with my boss about if I'm actually a good fit for the role I'm doing or not. I know he's frustrated because what is obvious to him (after a career doing this) I struggle with. I also have a different approach to things than he does. I can almost hear him creak as he struggles to match his way of doing things to mine. As an example of our differences, I'm a "clean desk" person. My inbox and desk are clean at the end of the day. For him, he has piles everywhere and knows where it all is.
I'm building a good rapport with the guys in the plant - as I say regularly - they're the ones doing the real work where I'm just the guy who carries a clip-board around and waves it at people. Things are going better with most of our transport partners. If things go sideways I'll go out and wave my clipboard at them and assure them that we'll get things sorted out which is rather different than the past when they were just left to stew and not know what was going on.
It's interesting how the contacts I've built over the years work out. A former colleague of mine who is in sales has been picking my brain about the particular chemistry I'm working with and how it's sold and marketed. He has a few leads which could lead to some addition to our rail business. I've given him some pointers on how our products are marketed and packaged. He's going to be moving back to Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan from Western but Not Quite Fully West but more West than DnJ Kanukistan soon and we'll probably get together for lunch at some point (waves at any Terry Pratchett fans out there). I've warned my son that he has a daughter (who I've been told is pretty - and rather "type A") who we may be looking at setting him up with.
---
I was a bit surprised today when my son texted me asking if he could stop by the house to get some water after picking up his new prescription for his glasses. Seemed odd - he said the cat was very confused too. He left me a nice thank-you note for the water and waved at the video camera pointed at the door. Next week I'm taking him up to his eye specialist appointment - his optometrist identified something about some tubes in the back of his eye being unusually small and they'll be dilating his pupils so won't be able to drive after.
Part of my general over-thinking wonders why he drove 20 minutes out of his way for a drink of water - perhaps he wanted to see the front porch (?) And the cat is quite cute.
Hello Andrew
It’s 1:00 am here out west. My dogs woke me up as they were barking at something rummaging around in the bushes. As such, and since the caffeine I ingested in the evening seems to have kicked in, I find myself doing a wee bit of late night reading.
Part of my general over-thinking wonders why he drove 20 minutes out of his way for a drink of water - perhaps he wanted to see the front porch (?) And the cat is quite cute.
He is your son. He thinks and wonders too. He is also checking in on you in a certain way.
Somewhere in their mid twenties these kids turn into adults. They really start demonstrating those instilled values.
S26 grew up in that house. He probably enjoyed seeing it again. His visit sounded rather calm, with even an easy-going wave at the camera.
His thank you note is not really just for the water - it’s for you! For being his Dad. He is showing his caring about you and figuring out how to actually express those emotions. You know those squishy ones - love, respect, admiration, and such. The ones that get kind of lost during adolescence. Growing up brings strength, part of which is the ability to know and show one’s feelings.
Our little child is for a long time completely dependent upon us. We are Godlike in their eyes; all knowing and all powerful.
Then they become teenagers and rebel and test. We turn rather dumb for many years (lol), and are somewhat ignored as they learn and experience standing on their own two feet.
In a while adulthood starts to show through. Our children grow up and accept that Dad is not all knowing and all powerful. Rather a pretty normal person who willingly sacrificed so very much to raise them as best they could. Adolescence is a difficult time as one’s view of their parent(s) turns from child-like to peer-like.
S26 lives on his own. Has his own life. Is making his way. And has for some time now. He is now getting to the point when your relationship becomes more grown up. You’re still Dad. He is still son. There is a loss of some things and a gain of some things. And that takes time to accept. (For us as well.)
Do realize you are more a role model now than you’ve ever been. His childhood is in the immutable past. Adolescence is giving way to manhood. He is watching (and thanking) a good example.
D
I agree with DnJ about your son’s water break at your house. That note was about way more than a quick sip of water.
It’s 1:00 am here out west. My dogs woke me up as they were barking at something rummaging around in the bushes.
---
Just an aside about things at work. It's annoying that a lot of the guys are more afraid of making a mistake that will cause them to be "called in to the office" than of just doing a good job and pointing out things that don't make sense. The Operations manager is certainly not well loved.
One thing I wanted to touch on about my conversation with my boss the other day was one thing that pleased me. He said that he's never seen me back down from a challenge. I'm rather proud of that. There are several circumstances where maybe I should have but I generally muddle through. One example is that the operations manager is on vacation right now and one of the engineers was asking me to validate some railcar weights. I had no clue how to do this, talked to my boss who wasn't sure either on the details but knew that the scale tickets had to be checked against other records. So - out to the plant to talk to the guys who do the weighing, finding the scale tickets, pulling up 3 different sets of records, cross referencing them all, finding out that everyone had done their job properly and then marking the task off as done.
---
I did make a few mistakes this past week that I need to learn from. I have about 60 tonnes of product sitting in trailers for deliveries that were rescheduled at the last minute. The logistics company and I both thought it was a good idea to "get ahead" and preload since we had spare capacity. So these trailers will end up sitting in the yard for a couple of extra days reducing our loading capacity. Learning learning learning. My boss is pretty pointed in his comments, but isn't nasty about it. Sometimes these sorts of decisions are the right ones and sometimes not. Experience will guide me on making better choices.
---
Trying to decide what to do with my son for his birthday. It's mid-week in a couple of weeks so we'll both be working on schedules that don't mesh. Even though I'm big on celebrating "on the day", I may invite him over for dinner on the Sunday before instead of us doing brunch. It's been a while since I've made a cake - my friend who runs the bake shop around the corner is on vacation. He'll be 27 - wow. I usually only get the kids a card or for my daughter flowers as well since I can't do cake and dinner for her. I'm assuming he has no other plans other than perhaps poker night on that Sunday.
This is where I do wonder about my son's relationship with his mother. They've always been close and he's always been her go-to for someone to do things for her - be it dog-sitting or going through items in the office years ago. I have no problem at all if he answers any questions she might have - I have nothing to hide. Where I object is when she uses him - and I know she has in the past - to look for information. It's really unfair to put him into that position.
I'm going to follow the lead of DnJ and Dawn here and accept the surface facts. The kid was thirsty for water and to see the cat.
Well - what a small world it is indeed. I messaged "C" today for the first time in a long time apologizing for the 'radio silence' and saying that I've been crazy busy with work, asking after her and the kids and suggesting that it would be nice to catch up.
For the present it doesn't work because she and the kids are off visiting family for a few weeks but she mentioned that she may be up in my geography more often as her best friends have bought the brewery in my village.
She's turning 50 this week and is wanting to spend it with family and celebrate - as I'm sure she will.
Hey Andrew, glad to hear you are finally planning to make a move on "C". Sounds exciting, even if it's a few weeks away. I'm sure your house will be as prepared as those 1800s naval vessels.
I'm sure I'm in the minority, but I'm still confused about C. Unless I'm misremembering, is she not the one that you were super interested in, but she seemed to kind of friend zone you (as I recall, though, she was separated and not yet divorced, so that could've been part of it)? I also seem to recall some loose familial tie by marriage...am I remembering the right person? If so, I'm going on record now in saying PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!! As best I recall, this woman does have her stuff together, assuming I'm remembering the right one, and is a different lot than either B or S, but still, be careful.
I'm sure I'm in the minority, but I'm still confused about C. Unless I'm misremembering, is she not the one that you were super interested in, but she seemed to kind of friend zone you (as I recall, though, she was separated and not yet divorced, so that could've been part of it)? I also seem to recall some loose familial tie by marriage...am I remembering the right person? If so, I'm going on record now in saying PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!! As best I recall, this woman does have her stuff together, assuming I'm remembering the right one, and is a different lot than either B or S, but still, be careful.
Your memory is flawless as always. "Technically" she's my niece. She's the daughter of my oldest sister's now deceased partner from his first marriage. My sister was never in any sort of parental role and I think she didn't have much of a relationship with her Dad. We met at her Dad's funeral just a year or so before her own marriage went all "explody".
I remember telling my SIL at the time that if I were to meet someone that I hoped it would be someone like her. Smart, self-confident, a bit sassy and with an obviously kind heart. A bit cynical about the world which undoubtedly has increased post-divorce.
I think there was a certain amount of pursuit by her of me initially that at one point involved her spending the night here (in the guest bedroom - I'm not a complete cad and she was tipsy). When I pursued back, things cooled off and since she was in the middle of a high conflict divorce that could be understandable. We drifted apart and then I met "B" because in those days I was actively interested in dating. We've stayed in touch over the years in a "friendly acquaintance" type of way.
It will be nice to catch up. She's an interesting person who leads an interesting life. There were things that were certainly identified as red flags back 3 years ago and I've certainly learned a lot since then including - I hope - to value myself a lot higher than I used to. No clue if anything will go anywhere but as I'm sure our friend CWarrior will agree, having friends with different perspectives on life is nice regardless of their gender. Women are indeed people and not just objects to decide if they are worthwhile as a mate or for poontang.
---
Another small town "funny". Got an emailed bill from my lawyer yesterday for charges for a consult on my divorce. One of my multiple cousins who happen to have the same name (we're a poor family and can only afford so many
) is getting a divorce and happened to go to the same lawyer. I called the office and assured them that I was thoroughly deleting the email and suggesting they update their records. For things like doctors, pharmacy etc, I make extra sure that they have the correct AndrewP.
---
Ran my son off to his eye doctor's appointment. His optometrist identified some sort of issue with the drainage system inside his eyeballs. The specialist took a look and said there was no immediate cause for concern but at some point they may need to do some sort of laser surgery on him. I took the morning "off" and drove him up because there was concern that he wouldn't be able to drive after.
The plant only called 2 times and the trucking company once while I was "off" and I was able to deal with things from the car without an issue.
He offered to buy me brunch and we went to a nice cafe that his mother and I used to go to. It's nice to be at the point where that sort of thing doesn't hurt and that I can mention that his mother and I enjoyed a place to him without it being awkward or uncomfortable.
glad it's a wait and see thing for your son.
re: "C" ... that might be wait and C also ...
C what I did there, AP?
Facebook reminded me today that it would have been my 32nd anniversary. Wow. Where does the time go.
The memories that popped up (originally written as pooped) gave me feelings that mixed fond nostalgia with sadness. Makes me wonder if my ex remembers what day it is, but of course she does. She may well have similar thoughts - or not. As of a year or two ago her social media was still filled with pictures of the two of us together which she never pulled down. I purged much of mine. I don't regret doing that.
We did make it to our 26th anniversary which often seems to be a milestone that pops up in other threads here and there for a spouse to go a-wandering.
The question of "would you take them back" gets asked from time to time. The woman I dated last year - "S" - was especially concerned about that I think when she found out that it wasn't me that ended the marriage. I still can't see that ever happening - certainly on my side and I'm sure on her's. Too much water has been passed. The postings from the year she left reminded me that I indeed did leave that door ajar and the light on for a long time giving her more than ample opportunity to turn around. My conscience is clean on that and also on closing the door eventually.
You can only give people so many chances to hurt you before you cry "hold enough" e'en if it makes you damned in the eyes of some. Like the lead character in a certain play set in Scotland, there came a time when despite whatever tragic flaws may have driven you to your place in life, you say
There is nor flying hence nor tarrying here.
I gin to be aweary of the sun,
And wish the estate o' the world were now undone.
Ring the alarum-bell! Blow, wind! come, wrack!
At least we'll die with harness on our back.
And as I found, there is indeed a worthy life on the other side of that battle. One different than that which I would have chosen, but one worth living.
24 years married, 26 years together here. I think those numbers come up a lot because 1) 25 is a big round scary number to the MLCers 2) since most young couples marry in their twenties, most are coming up on age 50 after 25 years of marriage - another big round scary number for MLCers and 3) for those with kids, they are close to or over 18, an age which MLCers often feel is the mark they’ve been waiting for to excuse their leaving. (My ex managed to make it to the middle of our youngest’s senior year in high school - I’ve often wondered why he couldn’t have just waited five more months? But of course, they’re not thinking about anyone but themselves. )?