Divorcebusting.com
Posted By: CWarrior I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/21/21 08:08 PM
Previous Thread:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2917054&page=11

I've always been a romantic and adventurous spirit who enjoy traveling the country and being active outdoors. 11yrs ago I was a WAH, divorcing an ex-wife who was clinically depressed for 1.5yrs and not seeking help. I left with my D16 and S11. I had a 5-year rebound with someone I saw no future with. Then I met my ex-GF--a world-class athlete who clicked with me on so many levels, except she kept blowing up and breaking up. I'm finally learning to be alone.

kml, Dawn, Deja - Thank you. It's a learning experience. I'm proud I stood up for my hike. I agree she didn't represent her abilities well, and as Andrew notes, that isn't uncommon. I'll get better at vetting people, and grant a bit less trust in the future (e.g., spend more than 2hrs together before a 4-day weekend).

MsMyPeaks and I had many differences even without the above. The 10-mi hike was actually 9.5-mi. She stopped 0.25mi from what others described as an amazing destination because her feet hurt. I said I'd jog ahead and get photos, and she said if I left her alone 15 minutes that would make her feel terrified. Later, turning down seeing one of the world's oldest trees, she said "There's more than 1 type of pine tree? They all look the same to me." She was uncomfortable when I climbed 50' up/down a waterfall for a photo. It was a 5.2 (easy) climb where I had 3 points of contact at all times and my exposure was no more than a 6' fall. I suspect even without me insisting on my hike, we would not have ended up fast friends.

My ex-wife and I continue on a good path. She gave me a hug on my birthday. [We usually hug once a year on Christmas]. I felt sniffly the evening after coming home, so I got a COVID test and offered to send my kids to my ex-wife. She declined--said they'd already spent 2 hours with me so that'd just add more exposures. She seemed concerned about how I felt (separate from the kids), and checked-in on me last night, too. [I used a campground shower 2x and MsMyPeaks used it 4x. Those were probably my dumbbest moves since the pandemic started, especially given my weakened immune system after completing endurance hikes.]
Posted By: OnlyBent Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/21/21 10:21 PM
Have to say I really enjoy the honesty in your posts C-dub.

May I ask, why did you stay 5 years in the rebound if you saw no future?
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/22/21 06:49 PM
Hi OnlyBent,

I'll start by noting the last year and a half of my marriage had been rough and almost all childcare was done by me or a nanny. I suddenly had a new place, my kids every day, and no $$$ for a nanny. After several months of poor "luck" dating, I lost weight and had my pick. I was dating 4 women, 3 who wanted to marry me, 2 who'd bought me trips (flight/lodging/activity!) and been intimate with me. The ladies pushed me to choose. I chose TheRebound.

3 months in, I caught feelings. I wrote a friend how upset this made me.

6 months in, I needed her. My son was now in a full body cast (thanks, XW) and she (a nurse) helped me with his care, plus babysitting odds and ends that force others to turn to family or pay outside help.

3 years in, I felt guilty. She'd done so much--I felt I should be able to make this relationship work. I sought individual and couples' therapists. They all said love at some level was essential and I didn't feel that.

5 years in, my resentment was high, we got drunk, and I said some mean things that ended things for good.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/22/21 06:49 PM
PS - I feel better and got a negative COVID test result. (:
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/22/21 07:58 PM
Takeaways:

* Don't linger so long in casual relationships that you develop deep feelings. You don't want to get stuck with a poor match because they own a moving truck or look sexy in black leather boots.

* Have the guts like many here to walk away from mediocre relationships--the kind your friends recommend against. If it's been great, or could be great, work on it but set a time limit to reassess.
Posted By: AndrewP Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/23/21 12:04 PM
Originally Posted by CWarrior
* Don't linger so long in casual relationships that you develop deep feelings. You don't want to get stuck with a poor match because they own a moving truck or look sexy in black leather boots.
Or because they think that you are fabulous and what they have been waiting for.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/23/21 09:14 PM
Thoughts for my Ex-GF: "I couldn't believe that night you were so upset you asked me to leave, then broke up with me. You told me I was your forever love. I loved you. I believed in us. I thought in the morning, a day later, that weekend you'd tell me it was MS anger or a real issue we'd discuss and work through together with the tools we'd learned in therapy. I respect you don't want me as a partner. I'd fight for my loved ones to the end of the earth, but I won't try to convince anyone to stay with me."

Yes, writing them here instead of e-mailing them. My ex-GF e-mailed me asking if I'd received her texts. I have not received any texts from her in months. Talking myself down from a lengthy reply. I know my reply should probably be somewhere between NC and "I haven't received any texts from you since <date>".

What's triggering these feelings? Her singing "love". Her asking me about going to a singles event. I guess my experience last weekend--it's not easy finding outdoor activity partners experienced like me. wink
Posted By: OnlyBent Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/23/21 09:25 PM
I think your reply should be straight up NC.

My guess is that the negative experience with the hike probably stirred up thoughts of the ex-gf.
Posted By: AndrewP Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/23/21 09:54 PM
One thing that I've learned over the past number of years is that you are under no obligation to engage with people just because they want to engage with you. There's a wide swath of people who I just ignore. Burn me, I don't stick my hand out to be burned again.

You would get nothing from engaging with your ex-gf beyond pain. She and you may be looking for some sort of closure or reaction - you lose nothing by just holding your head high and moving forward.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/23/21 10:31 PM
OnlyBent, you're probably right. My first camping trip and road trip without my ex, comparisons of what went better and worse, the tension, the need to set boundaries to ensure my desires were honored.

Andrew, NC is correct, and "Why?!" Is that elusive closure question we never fully know the answer to. I have no desire to touch the oven again. Except make chili! Yes, pick up ground beef when I get my kids. (:
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/25/21 02:54 PM
I awoke today with more deep thoughts. "Will I ever be able to love again?" This is totally separate from, "Gee, can I find someone among the thousands of singles on the latest dating app who wants to date, sleep with, and marry me." The answer to that is yes. There's a gap between finding someone attractive with compatible values--and finding someone where it's not just tolerance but love once you know each other's faults and wrinkles.

Andrew talked about timelines. Well, I feel foolish for the times I told someone I loved them 1-2 months in only to dump them 3 months in. That felt good, whatever it was, but it wasn't love. Love takes time. You can't love someone until you know them on good, bad, and rainy days. You respect them. You appreciate many of their quirks. I wonder how many times I've truly loved someone beyond my ex-GF (and of course my kids).
Posted By: DejaVu6 Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/25/21 03:48 PM
Interesting thoughts CW. I will add mine if it helps. I donít know if there is an exact timeline you can apply. Iíve loved a number of people in my life in varying timelines. How those relationship played out or how long they lasted feels like a separate issue to me. I donít know what the right answer is exactly. I know I felt feelings of love for XH very soon after we met. How long does a relationship have to last for it to be deemed ďrealĒ love? What is that exactly? I think feelings are just feelings...they vary in intensity day to day. You can, in a moment, feel intense dislike for someone you were sure you loved the day before. This is why basing our decisions solely on feelings is never a good idea.

In my mind, love is a choice. It is an action. XH had feelings of love for me. I know this for sure. He could not have been more loving in his actions in the beginning. He was there for me when I was sad. He helped me with chores. He took me out for dinners. He wrote a song about me. We went on trips and had fun together. We chose to have children together. We did all the things you do with someone you want to build a life with. And then things got hard. Finances became an issue. We spent a lot of time apart trying to give each other breaks from the stress but paying no attention to our relationship. We were both guilty of it. At some point, though, he chose to stop actively loving me in really detrimental, purposeful ways. He started to systematically cut me out of his life. Eventually, his feelings got fully in line with his actions and he rewrote our history to justify what he was doing. Then he found someone else to focus on...THIS must be love. What I felt for DV6, could not possibly have been that. Always looking for the right person...as opposed to being the right person.

I think what I have learned through this experience is that having loving feelings toward someone is just one part of finding someone to build a life with. You can love a lot of people but you canít build a life with everyone you love. Loving that person is necessary, of course, but there are many other factors that too often people ignore in the face of strong feelings. Are you compatible? Do you have some common interests? Do you have similar values? Beliefs? Do you live your day-to-day life in similar ways? When things get stressful, how do you respond? Do you move towards your partner for support or do you turn away from them? These are all important questions people ignore too often.

I had feelings of love for TDH but very few of those other factors aligned and after awhile, the feelings faded and I was left in a relationship with someone who I knew was not a good match for me. It doesnít mean my feelings werenít real. I could have chosen to keep loving him in the face of those incompatibilities. I chose not to because now I know better. And so do you. (((HUGS)))
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/25/21 04:16 PM
@Deja, thank you, that helps and I will be thinking about this as a climb today. (:
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/25/21 07:41 PM
Also - infatuation is not the same as move. That thrill of attraction and of satisfaction that this person you like is interested in you, is fun. It feels great. But it often leads to poor choices if you mistake that for love. Love takes knowing and appreciating who someone is. Even then, itís not necessarily enough to build a life on.
Posted By: Eagle3 Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/26/21 09:52 PM
Hi CW, read my last post on DnJ thread. It will hit you when you expect it the least...

I'm sure there is definitely still someone out there for you.

In the meanwhile, enjoy being single and do whatever you want.

(never since the age of 16 had that before and I'm enjoying it to the fullest)
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/27/21 07:37 AM
I had another hike with Ms StoryTeller (62F) today. She walked 1.6mph, but it was my rest day and I wore a 55# pack so it worked out. The trail she remembered didn't exist anymore, so I bushwhacked it back into existence. I hope her group hike this weekend goes well! I'll be away doing my most intense workouts before my trip.

I decided my recipe for camp chili is solid. I make it whenever I go camping or backpacking and usually people without access to restaurants like it. This time, I made it at home and my kids slurped down thirds. And yes, that means they liked it, not that I starved them for breakfast and lunch so they'd eat my chili. wink

@ kml - Infatuation vs Love - I guess that's the line I was thinking along, which partners knew me, and which partners did I know, well enough for it to have been love? MsOneMonth knew me better than my ex-wife of 10yrs.

@ DejaVu - Love as a feeling vs an act - I guess I like that framing, I FELT love for all of my first girlfriend, my first intimate girlfriend, my ex-wife, and this past girlfriend, MsOneMonth, MsUsedToBeBestFriend, etc. "It must have been love.. but it's over now."

@ Eagle3 - I guess you're right. I've felt love many times before. It stands to reason that I will again. Dating leads to intimacy leads to feelings. If I watch for what I profess to want--attractive 7+/10, feel good around them, bring out my good side, loyal, affectionate, compassionate, and active--I'll hopefully fall for the right person.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/27/21 04:11 PM
I do feel incredibly powerful right now. My visits with MsMyPeaks(28F) and MsStoryTeller(62F) reinforce I am in the best shape of my life even if I'm still 10# heavier than my lowest adult weight. A couple of other good moments during my hike yesterday--I climbed a boulder while carrying my 55#. I jumped on a high swing overlooking a cliff.

I then got home and did some kick-arse things at work, made a nice dinner and spent time with my kids, zapped a few cobwebs, and helped with event planning for my not-for-profit. I'm.. enjoying my life.. "solo". (:

I spent hours this weekend European history with my D to help her with AP exams and made her a nice dessert afterward. My son earned the same dessert via doing some programming.

An article asked for 5 things I offer and 5 negatives for dating me. I'll be dating in a month--

OFFER:
1. I'm tall.
2. I'm fit.
3. I'm adventurous.
4. I offer what I seek--loyalty, compassion, and affection.
5. I have some emotional awareness. Yeah, less than some here, lol.

CONS:
1. I don't have a 6-pack. I have other good assets.
2. I'm not especially funny nor sharp with words. I do have a sense of humor.
3. My car and home are disorganized. This is something to fix.
4. I'm not wealthy. I do support myself and US travels.

Sorry, I could only come up with 4 cons. (:
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/27/21 05:01 PM
You're a catch!

As for the car and house - I can definitely recommend a housecleaner every two weeks if you can afford it. I haven't had mine since Covid struck and my house was definitely neater when I had to pick up prior to the housecleaner coming twice a month! If the budget won't allow, read some of FlyLady's stuff (but omg do not sign up for emails, your inbox will be stuffed!).

But I was also inspired to start decluttering by watching a documentary on Netflix (Less is Now - nowhere near as extreme as these guys but did get my closet and wardrobe cleaned out) and a couple episodes of Marie Kondo (although not really my jam, her method of folding and storing t-shirts has transformed my t-shirt drawer in a great way!)

Get a car trash bag - makes a world of difference, I bought one that hangs off the back of the passenger seat - and schedule a date to clean everything out of your car and take it to a good car wash where they clean the inside too. It'll be so nice you'll not want to mess it up again.
Posted By: AndrewP Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/27/21 05:35 PM
Originally Posted by kml
read some of FlyLady's stuff (but omg do not sign up for emails, your inbox will be stuffed!).
I'm a big fan of FlyLady myself. The key message is to do "something". She suggests that every day you ensure your sink is clean and shiny. Her primary audience are people like my ex who are somewhat disorganized and overwhelmed.

There's a great speech by Admiral William H McRaven that I suggest. The topic is "If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed". I highly recommend you give it a listen.

Now - you and I are different and at different stages of life. At 57 my big selling points physically are that I still have all my own teeth and hair. Sadly much of the latter is on my back crazy

I challenge you to think what you want to attract vs what you have to attract them with. To be honest, items 1-3 on your offer and 1 on your con are pretty superficial in my view. As you've heard me reference before "Kissin don't last, cookin do".

Without knowing you outside of here, I see this list as

OFFER:
1. I'm thoughtful and try to both listen and hear
2. I offer what I seek--loyalty, compassion, and affection.
3. I'm adventurous.
4. I have a sense of humour even if it sometimes not obvious
5. I love my children
6. I like doing things for others less fortunate
7. I have the financial security to support the lifestyle that I want

CONS:
1. I am sometimes not patient with those who are less capable
2. My personal space is disorganized
Posted By: Elbereth Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/28/21 12:33 AM
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
In my mind, love is a choice. It is an action. XH had feelings of love for me. I know this for sure. He could not have been more loving in his actions in the beginning. He was there for me when I was sad. He helped me with chores. He took me out for dinners. He wrote a song about me. We went on trips and had fun together. We chose to have children together. We did all the things you do with someone you want to build a life with. And then things got hard. Finances became an issue. We spent a lot of time apart trying to give each other breaks from the stress but paying no attention to our relationship. We were both guilty of it. At some point, though, he chose to stop actively loving me in really detrimental, purposeful ways. He started to systematically cut me out of his life. Eventually, his feelings got fully in line with his actions and he rewrote our history to justify what he was doing. Then he found someone else to focus on...THIS must be love. What I felt for DV6, could not possibly have been that. Always looking for the right person...as opposed to being the right person.


I love this and agree with it. Love takes work. It's the hard stuff that creates true love. The early stuff and the other outside stuff doesn't remain. You fall into those things. You don't control the falling...it just happens. But the 'being in love' is action. You are working at love. Building it, keeping it healthy and connected, etc. I feel that in my R that we also divided to conquer and to relieve the stress of life and kids from each other and then we ended up neglecting 'each other'. But I kept trying to connect and H choose to stop seeing me. He treated me differently and I was still trying to build love. He used to compliment me about things that were ME (my core), but last few years it was only what I DO and not who I AM. I want to be loved for who I am. And I want a partner that will walk that journey of life with me and share it with me and build it with me. That to me is love...the action. What I had the last couple of years certainly wasn't that.

So, yeah, we will find the attraction and fall into it, but being cautious until we see if its working love is the key. Enjoy the ride for what it is, but do not mistake that for love. I plan to take things a lot slower the next time around myself.

El
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/28/21 04:27 PM
Quick Update -

OldFriend(54F) pinged me she's back in town for a week and suggested we meet. I suggested we go for a morning waterfall hike and picnic and she agreed. I wanted to offer an activity since she usually plans our get-togethers! She and I used to interact every few months, go on an annual trip. We see each other more and are closer since she moved away. She's stayed friendly through breakups and political drama. I don't know how I missed that before.

Wed, Fri, and Sun will be Hellish training. They're my last BIG training days before my event.

This evening I will be working with someone on plans for my not-for-profit.

@kml, Andrew, Elbereth - So much food for thought, and I'm thinking on it, thank you. I will write more soon. (:
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/28/21 04:55 PM
re: Family, my brother called and I had a 50min conversation with him and my sister-in-law. That's the first impromptu called we've had in 10 years. Years ago my therapist had encouraged building a relationship with my brother, a limited relationship with my parents including annual visits, and no relationship with my sister. There's history behind those guidelines--my parents were unable to respect lesser boundaries, so they're blocked on my phone, Facebook, and everywhere else. I also had a 2-min call with my parents and proposed visiting them at my brother's home this summer. I didn't feel triggered or pushed for more during the call. Neutral ground and a dual-purpose visit. (:
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/28/21 06:28 PM
For KML --

My ex called stressed that I may give my S and D a COVID shot this week. Her landlord got COVID last week and only got a little sick. He told her the COVID scare was propaganda meant to control the populace, COVID isn't so dangerous, and we have no idea how dangerous the vaccinations could be long-term.

She then asked if and when I was getting mine. I said I was getting mine two weeks before air travel. I said while we may not know the long-term effects of the vaccine, we know COVID offers a 1-2% death rate and there's a much higher-rate of long-term complications. I said I have to weigh the risk of COVID against a vaccine. I said I hadn't heard anything like a 1% rate of serious complications with Pfizer or Moderna, had she? She said no. She hadn't known there were 3 vaccines. I asked if she thought I should get vaccinated before air travel. She said yes. She asked me to take a multivitamin to boost my immune system before getting a shot and I agreed.

We agreed to delay D16's vaccinations until travel (mid-June), school, or in-person work resumed. A 30-day delay shouldn't hurt if she's staying in, and I'll have more time to learn about Pfizer.
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/28/21 10:42 PM
Both Pfizer and Moderna are excellent vaccines. People keep asking about "long term" consequences of the vaccines, but the vast majority of adverse reactions to any vaccine are within the first two months so we already have millions of doses of data on that. One might question whether a live virus vaccine could have long term consequences but NONE of the Covid vaccines are live virus vaccines (or even dead virus vaccines!). If there's a long term consequence to making antibodies against one single Covid spike protein, (which there is NO evidence of), it would pale in comparison to the consequences of making ALL the antibodies against ALL the covid parts from a actual Covid infection.

(There's also NO evidence of ADE, and no indication that it will become an issue, as both vaccines make LOTS of neutralizing antibody. Covid itself also doesn't seem to be prone to ADE, which we would know by now, since many reinfections have occurred. )

My Masters degree in Molecular Biology is good for something! Don't wait to get vaccinated. Do it now. More contagious strains are coming. How would you feel if one of your kids developed a serious Covid complication because you waited too long for the vaccine? 10-20% of my mild to moderate outpatient cases have developed some long-term complication of Covid, from diabetes to asthma to orchitis (inflammation of the testicles which can cause infertility, like in mumps) to sudden hearing loss to Long Covid to almost having to have a leg amputated from arterial blood clots. All mild to moderate outpatient cases that never even went to the ER.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/28/21 10:59 PM
kml, thanks for the info. Personally, I'm getting the Pfizer vaccine at 8am tomorrow. I'd rather persuade my ex vaccination is good for my D than strongarm the issue. What you wrote will help.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/30/21 02:09 AM
Tomorrow will test my endurance.

Once upon a time, doing the Grand Canyon (4400' gain, 16.5mi, 5# pack) in a day was my biggest accomplishment. This year, two hikes I've done dwarf that--(5800' gain, 20.9mi, 20# pack) and (5200' gain, 26.1mi, 20# pack).

Tomorrow's endeavor is (7400' gain, 29.1mi, 35# pack). Do I have what it takes?
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 04/30/21 02:23 AM
It's a big jump, but I'm only 21 days from needing to do 9000' gain with a 45-55# pack. This is my last SERIOUS training weekend before then because: (a) I'm kid-free and (b) near the end one should taper.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/01/21 05:16 AM
Fail. I fought through fatigue, realizing Iíd be in the dark for 3 hours, and running out of food. I aborted when I ran out of water. I was surprised I went through 7L in 12 hours and was dehydrated. 100F does that, apparently.

5300í gain, 23.5mi, 35# pack.

My ride did not show up. At 4% battery and 1 bar, I made the desperate decision to break NC with my ex-girlfriend. ďS.O.S.! Iím stranded at X.Ē She lives 20 min away, my next closest friend 90min away. My ex-GF recall, has been trying to reach out and still signing messages ďloveĒ. Well, she replied she would but was at a girlfriendís for a wine night. smirk

So I hitched a ride with a lady from Honduras who spoke almost no English! We chatted about why she came here, her degree, and why I was hiking alone and what scares me out there. I almost asked for her number. wink

My ex-wife had reached out wanting to resume a relationship. Iím not thereóno ďsparkĒ, and complicated for my kids. I decided to offer to be closer friends again. We have been communicating better.
Posted By: AndrewP Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/01/21 01:38 PM
I used to use an app called Life360 that is essentially a location sharing app so that my kids would know that I was ok and still going about my routines. My kids are adults and would be able to call in the cavalry if needed if for example they noticed I wasn't leaving for work as usual.

Just like when I go sailing, you may want to establish a routine where you check in with a friend when you depart and when you return and what the expected times for those are. That way you'll know that someone is watching. Theoretically that person could have called you a taxi to pick you up. The friend doesn't have to even be local.

I work in an industry where we have a good number of staff who are working alone in hazardous conditions so things like fall-alerts, no motion detection etc are top of mind for me.

I'm glad you were making smart choices including reaching out for help and stopping when you knew it was no longer safe or smart to continue on.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/01/21 02:24 PM
Thanks, Andrew. It's becoming apparent I do not have as many "backups" as I would like. I brought 7L of water expecting to use 500mL/hr like the last time I was there. 80F vs 100F killed my estimates. As backups, I should be carrying my water filter and emergency shelter for hikes where I'm 10+ miles away from others.

May 1st. I feel ready to date--because I'm good single, and would rather be single than add a partner to my life unless there's a great fit... because I'm confident I'd make myself, my kids, and friends priorities over dates. It's been 3.5 months since my breakup. I don't want my ex-GF or ex-wife back as-is. It would be fun to trade kisses and more. Life is short and it'd be nice to begin the search for someone compatible out there.

The first steps are obvious. Clean my car. My quick once-over apparently was enough for Ms MyPeaks to flirt with me at the start of our road trip, but when she got mad, point out all the hidden grime. It might also be good to have a more presentable living room, bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom. Maybe dating photos?! Who am I kidding? I'm not dating 'til June. but maybe I will begin taking steps to gear up for dating. (:
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/01/21 04:07 PM
If you build it, they will come.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/02/21 03:21 AM
*** 19 Days 'Til My Climb ***

I re-took the assessment test for climbing The Mountain. My odds went down from 70% to 63%?! I called the guide.

She said since the actual climb is 4500' w/ a 50# pack, rest 6 hours, then 4500' w/ a 25# pack at high altitude (30% less oxygen).. my 6000' with a 35# pack isn't bad! Where she feels I'm lacking is zone 2/3/4. She says some spots will need high output for an hour or more. I haven't trained enough in that zone. She suggested changes.

My weight is down 4 more pounds. I'm psyched!

Today is a rest day. Rest days are hard. So after some chores, after lunch, I picked 3 photos and posted to Bumble (less work for guys than Tinder) and swiped for 20 minutes I am officially online dating, lol! If someone messages me, cool, otherwise I've spent enough time on that today and am focusing on tomorrow's hike.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/02/21 06:24 PM
These last few training efforts are not as fun as earlier onesóIím tackling the hardest local trails, which are hot (100F), exposed, and not the most scenic. Itíll all be worth it on The Mountain which will be harder but with spectacular scenery and amazing obstacles like crevasses. Okay, one foot in front of the other, put on the heavy pack and go! 6.5 hours of pain ahead, but writing here wonít make it go any faster. And wouldnít you rather pause at the summit instead of a parking lot? Look at the amazing athletes around you. Join them. Onward, ho!
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/02/21 11:12 PM
Are you getting enough time at altitude? One week before I climbed Whitney I spent the weekend at Mammoth Lakes. Iím sure it helped me acclimate to the altitude since I live at sea level.

Be sure to get those rest days. Your muscles need recovery time. Youíre doing great!
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/03/21 05:46 PM
Originally Posted by kml
Are you getting enough time at altitude?

I'm still figuring that out! Interestingly, most climbers rely on being in great shape rather than acclimating, because even though you're climbing to 14,500 ft, you're only sleeping at 10,000 ft. The only local lodging option at 5,000+ ft opens for the season a few days after my climb--ugh! I have my kids the weekend before. A layover in Denver, maybe? lol.

I returned from my hike sneezing up a storm. Today's a true rest day, and I'm calling my trainer to make plans.

re: Dating

Wow--I like this Bumble thing. That 30 minutes of swiping led to 6 ladies messaging ME! That's different than the past. Alas, most are "How's your Sunday going?" or "Is your workweek off to a good start?" I guess the guy usually still has the onus of making the conversation interesting or personalized. I replied to 4 of 6. It was fun, but afterwards I'm thinking "Hmm.. I could have used this time to clean my car or write a friend." I guess do it when it's fun, and some matches will expire or I won't have time to write something interesting, and that's okay. (:
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/03/21 05:47 PM
I guess, bundled under a blanket trying not to sneeze, I wasn't really going to clean my car anyway. wink
Posted By: bttrfly Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/03/21 08:59 PM
sorry - allergies???
bumble was the app i was on for a month. interesting. my old roommate had a really interesting take on it ... "are you SURE you want to be with the kind of guy that would want the woman to make the first move?"
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/03/21 10:15 PM
lmao! Touchť. I'm not a timid man--I asked my last girlfriend to a dinner and movie date in real life, before she showed any romantic interest. At the same time, I'm perfectly happy being asked out by ladies. It's not about the thrill of the chase. It's about finding someone attractive, kind, loyal, affectionate, and active who I feel good around and who brings out my good side. It's a tall order, but I'm open to such women however they pop into my life. (:
Posted By: bttrfly Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/04/21 08:43 PM
how you feeling today?
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/04/21 10:10 PM
Butterfly, thanks for checking in. <3

I'm at 75%. It's sick not allergies, probably 80% my endurance training and 20% the vaccine. I got my Pfizer on Thursday and then worked out for 12.5 hours on Friday. I think that workout set me up to get sick. I probably would've recovered fully except Sunday I turned around and put in 6.5 hours of training. wink

The guidelines for athletes are to train anytime it's neck and above. So, today again, I train.. even though part of me wants to stay bundled under a blanket and be 100% by tomorrow!!
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/05/21 12:20 AM
So far, online dating seems incredibly easy. 30 women want to message me. 3 dates setup--on rest days, walks + picnics--so I'm actually getting in some extra steps, paying little, and making my trainer happy.

I'll report if they're all crazy, 50# heavier, 6" shorter, with delusional self-descriptions.

My expectation is good people where one or both of us don't feel it. (:
Posted By: DejaVu6 Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/05/21 12:53 AM
How about just having no expectations...lol. See what happens. Are you sure that training that much is actually benefitting you CW. Too much of a good thing is still too much, IMO. Hope at least one of your dates goes better than expected. laugh
Posted By: DonH Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/05/21 03:40 AM
Just read two different posts - one right after the other and had to point out the contrasts

Originally Posted by CWarrior
So far, online dating seems incredibly easy. 30 women want to message me. 3 dates setup:

Iím Still speechless... 30 women? As in real woman?

Originally Posted by shotgun
Dating sites are pretty much a cesspool of unhealthy and broken people. Few ever look like their profile pictures. The self evaluations and descriptions are often delusional. There are a limited number of jewels in that realm however.

Ah yes, now this is the OLD many of us have experienced.

But best of luck to you CWarrior. I guess if the first 3 donít work out thereís still 27 more where they came from.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/05/21 03:48 PM
Originally Posted by CWarrior
So far, online dating seems incredibly easy. 30 women want to message me. 3 dates setup--on rest days, walks + picnics--so I'm actually getting in some extra steps, paying little, and making my trainer happy.

I'll report if they're all crazy, 50# heavier, 6" shorter, with delusional self-descriptions.

My expectation is good people where one or both of us don't feel it. (:

anything worthwhile is worth working for. beware of what's too easy. the cost is usually hidden or up front. you're lucky if it's the latter rather than the former ... color me cynical and hoping you're on the mend.
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/05/21 04:07 PM
CW sounds like you have a nice amount of people to screen through. Hoping something good comes out of your coffee dates, but be patient and look for the red flags early on in the relationship.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/05/21 05:36 PM
Deja Vu, thank you, you're exactly right--no expectations and an open mind. "Are you sure that training that much is actually benefitting you CW." Yes, both my endurance coach and guide would have me do more if I weren't also working.

Don, no expectations, it may take a few dates to ascertain if the 30 women are indeed real women. wink

Lesson #1 - Online Daters are Flaky

Date #1 - 2 days after confirming our date, MsShyDancer(43/F) messages, "How long have you been a single parent?" I said, "A bit over 10yrs, so my ex-wife and I *might* be over each other, lol. We do get along. How old are your kids?" She unmatched/blocked me, so presumably, my answer was a "red flag". I'm.. okay with that. I have a hard time mustering hurt feelings over being rejected at a glance by someone who barely knows me.

Date #2 - MsSoloAdventuress(42/F) said "definitely" Thursday and she'll text me Time A or Time B that night. The next morning, she texts, "Sorry, my weekend's fully booked, it would have to be next week sometime." That annoyed me--telling me definitely when she wasn't free, not telling me promptly, not proposing a second time. I'm a busy guy. I'm docking her a point, and won't continue to chat, but left it at "I understand. Let me know when you're available."

Date #3 - Added MsCutePuppy(46/F). Her puppy is cute. I decided I can't date someone to get close to their puppy, so I asked pointed questions about her workouts and travel style. She sold me she often needs a vacation from her vacation and prefers not to splurge on lodging/dining so she can travel more. She runs and swims every morning. She offered to drive to me and bring her puppy on the first date. Well played. An evening walk and appetizers for her.

*** In training news, the others climbing The Mountain with me created a Facebook group. We all took our fitness assessments. I'm in the best shape of my life, but the worst shape in the group, lol. My odds have been corrected from 63% to 67%. I know what I need to work on to improve them further. I feel where I'm at I probably will summit but I will have to work through much more pain and suck than the other athletes.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/06/21 01:45 AM
Omigosh! First date tomorrow--46F, runs and swims daily (fit, normal BMI), seeking a life partner, doesn't want kids, describes herself as loyal and adventurous, and her travel style sounds compatible.

I'm excited for my first date, nervous what goofs I'll make--but I feel like it's date 1 of 10-20 instead of possibly a match. Because attraction is hard to gauge, profiles don't advertise flaws, and I'm bound to make newbie mistakes. I want my heart and head fully open to the chance, even if it's 10%, we'll get lucky and we'll both want date #2 I'll probably feel more like success is possible if I clean my car. Yeah, that's the ticket. Andrew says clean my car. (:
Posted By: OnlyBent Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/06/21 01:59 AM
Just be yourself CDub, and let that shine through. Who cares whether she likes the authentic you or not, beyond your control. If that means goofs, so be it.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/06/21 02:49 AM
Thanks, OnlyBent. I wonder who CW is when it comes to dating. I used to follow a process that got me high 1st to 2nd date conversions--early subtle contact, followed by holding hands, followed by a kiss at the end. Is that me? I know some here champion attraction techniques. Part of me wants a more genuine process.

I guess I'll just have to be curious about who I am when I date, too!
Posted By: DonH Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/06/21 03:51 AM
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Date #1 - 2 days after confirming our date, MsShyDancer(43/F) unmatched/blocked me,

Date #2 - MsSoloAdventuress(42/F) said "definitely" Thursday and she'll text me Time A or Time B that night. The next morning, she texts, "Sorry, my weekend's fully booked, it would have to be next week sometime."

This is so darn typical of OLD. Itís what myself and so many others have expierenced. You are handing it well. But itís still early in the process. The thing is, itís just uncalled for and wrong yet very much the norm. And what kind of oeopke do this? Those serious about dating or meeting someone? People who are mature, well adjusted and would make a great partner? Of course not! Rather they are broken and as you put it, flakes. The problem is this is who dominate OLD. And while none of us should take it personally, after you run into this over and over and over again it becomes soul sucking. Itís what takes an initially great idea of OLD and ruins it. At least it has for me.

Thanks for providing the honest play by play. I really do hope you beat the odds and find that 1 in 30 or perhaps 1 in 50 person before you just canít take another flake and run screaming for the exit. Itís so sad that people like these are the rule rather the exception to OLD and itís even worse they dominate and ruin OLD.
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/06/21 06:54 AM
The thing about online meeting (itís not dating until you date) is that many other people are simultaneously competing for the same personís attention. They might hear back from that guy they were flirting with last week and he might have finally asked them out. They might have met someone more their type after they talked to you. Something might have come up with work or family that is going to take up their weekend. If you were casually chatting with someone at a party, and later in the evening they are being chatted up by someone else, thatís normal . This is not regular dating and the same rules donít apply until you are actually dating!

As for attraction techniques - be yourself. If theyíre not attracted to your authentic self, do you really want to be with them? Yes, be polite, be a gentleman, donít talk about your ex on a first date, donít pick your nose. But overall, this is not about attracting them to you. Itís about learning who they are, and figuring out whether they are someone you could have a relationship with. Take it from someone who spent far too much of my youth ďwinningĒ over unavailable guys and ignoring the nice guys who were interested in me. I should have been much less interested in winning and much more interested in whether they were good enough for ME. (One of those nice guys, a med school classmate who had a crush on me, has been happily married to his wife for over 30 years, looks great, they travel together and are having the lovely life I THOUGHT I was signing up for with my exH. Dumb me. )

Instead of doing the ďpick meĒ dance with dates, shop around. Two very old songs to sing to yourself : Shop Around by the Miracles, and Jimmy Soulís ďIf You Wanna Be HappyĒ (for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife, ... from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you).

Interestingly, my best friend wonít date guys who are ďtoo prettyĒ. She fears theyíll be unfaithful. Sheíd rather date a quirky looking guy who thinks SHE is gorgeous.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/06/21 07:17 AM
Dear kml,

Timely advice. OF COURSE you knew there would be that woman--there always is--not quite as attractive as the rest, but with a profile written for me, well employed, who has been messaging me around the clock. wink

Thanks for all the advice, really. Each step or misstep brings me closer to my goals.
Posted By: Dawn70 Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/06/21 12:25 PM
Some great words of wisdom have come your way, CW. I have said to many on here in many different circumstances that everyone has to do what is right for them in their situation because while all of us can offer sage advice based on generalities, none of us are in the know as far as your day to day life and interactions are concerned.

Kml's advice to just be yourself is SPOT ON. Like she said, why would you want to be with someone who wasn't attracted to the person you really are. That is far too much work to keep up appearances (so to speak) and have to be fake all the time.

I don't necessarily disagree with Don's assessment of OLD, but I did meet my current husband that way, so I do know there are some gems out there. You just have to decide what you are willing to put up with to see if you can find that hidden gem.

As far as dating less attractive that you and kml mentioned, everyone has different ideas of what they find attractive. I don't think I'm particularly physically attractive, in fact, I KNOW I'm not, but I also know that I bring far more to the table than my physical looks. My precious husband, though, thinks I'm beautiful and tells me so often. Of course, he's terribly near-sighted, so maybe he just needs new glasses, but my point is that pretty is as pretty does. If I have any advice at all to give you, outside of being yourself, it is to really take the time to get to know a person, because you might find that someone who might not be what you think of as conventionally attractive may have many other qualities that make them more attractive to you over all.

Enjoy and don't worry too much about "goofs" as you called them. Just be yourself and try to relax and get to know the person to see if you might be interested in getting to know them more and spending time together again. And, be open-minded! I'm not saying you shouldn't look for red flags, but sometimes we paint a pretty specific picture of who/what we are looking for and then get in our own way if someone doesn't line up totally with that picture. It's ok to "color outside the lines" a bit. wink
Posted By: DejaVu6 Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/06/21 01:10 PM
CW...what KML and Dawn said. I like KMLís reframe from thinking of it as online dating to online meeting. Dating is what happens once you meet and you both decide you want to see each other again based on the reality of who you are face to face and not the fantasy of the profile. And please donít view one-and-done meetings as a failure or a waste of time. I just see them as opportunities to meet a new person and practice my people skills. No expectations. Most of my meetings have been the one and done type... for various reasons. A few of them have been a bit awkward because he wanted to go out again and I didnít. Most were a mutual ďno thanksĒ because I fully believe that when you are really attracted to someone, that attraction will most often be a mutual one. Thankfully I havenít yet had the experience of wanting a second date and the other person not wanting one but Iím sure that would have happened eventually. I always prepared myself for all outcomes and kept my expectations low so the overall experience was a positive one. Iím not OLD currently but thatís because Iím focusing on other things. When Iím ready to get out there again, I will definitely give it another shot. Good luck and have fun!!!
Posted By: LH19 Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/06/21 01:33 PM
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Dating is what happens once you meet and you both decide you want to see each other again based on the reality of who you are face to face and not the fantasy of the profile.

I agree 100%
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
And please donít view one-and-done meetings as a failure or a waste of time. I just see them as opportunities to meet a new person and practice my people skills.

I agree 100%
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
No expectations.

I agree 100%
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Most of my meetings have been the one and done type... for various reasons.

I agree 100% Those most of my reasons are because I was mislead in some way. Usually photos
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
A few of them have been a bit awkward because he wanted to go out again and I didnít.

I imagine it's more awkward for a woman because woman usually let the man take the lead.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Most were a mutual ďno thanksĒ because I fully believe that when you are really attracted to someone, that attraction will most often be a mutual one.

I agree 100%
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Thankfully I havenít yet had the experience of wanting a second date and the other person not wanting one but Iím sure that would have happened eventually.

Happened to me a couple times. It is disappointing but you get over it quick.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I always prepared myself for all outcomes and kept my expectations low so the overall experience was a positive one.

I agree 100%
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Iím not OLD currently but thatís because Iím focusing on other things. When Iím ready to get out there again, I will definitely give it another shot. Good luck and have fun!!!

With that attitude you can't lose DejaVu.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/06/21 06:02 PM
Thanks guys for all the wonderful advice. Really appreciated.

I will bring a rose and curated foods for the picnic, because romantic and thoughtful are me. (:

I will skip the mechanical attraction formula of subtle touch followed by hand-holding followed by a kiss on first dates. Yes, the build-up leads to a good kiss, and a good kiss almost always wins date 2. Maybe I'll keep the sequence in-mind, but only start on it and go as far as I'm feeling because that's genuine.

I don't do "interview" dates. There are few questions that matter as much as how you feel around each other. Values you determine by actions. I'd rather connect about what we're passionate about.

I will take my car for a wash, Andrew. wink

I won't pick my nose kml, lol.

PS - I had a dream about my ExGF. It's been awhile! We met, kissed, and the magic wasn't there. I woke up thinking, hmm.. I rated ExGF(49/F) a 9/10 because she was an international athlete and has that figure despite constant instability and not listening, but MsSmileyBallerina(33/F) I rated 6/10 because she's overweight (not obese) despite being very active, very positive, and interested in me. I'm bumping MsSmileyBallerina(33/F) up to a 7/10, lol.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/06/21 10:45 PM
The perfect $15 picnic. Use half of the following. Save half for your next date!

+ 12mo manchego
+ Chorizo
+ Olive medley
+ Fuji apples
+ Salty crackers
+ Glass bottles of sparkling water
+ Red rose

The special manchego (not the grocery store variety) should elevate it. Next step--find a basket and appropriate cloth to wrap in it. Wear warm clothes AND a jacket I can lend if she's cold. Planning a picnic is fun!

Expectations: A good memory, whether I see her this once or again. (::
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/07/21 02:40 AM
*** FIrst Date ***

MsCutePuppy(46/F)'s has an athletic BMI and she's adorable. Early on the date she kept brushing into me, and when we stopped I put an arm around her. Woah! I've still got mojo. It became clear however, despite the most wonderful dog, we're not a match. She's never been single and she wants to be with her partner all the time. The problem is her common interests and mine only lightly overlap--she enjoys walks along the coast and international travel, but doesn't enjoy hiking, camping, climbing, US travel, or road trips beyond a few hours. So, this is an amicable no-go. I think the physical attraction was there and she enjoyed the date I planned but we're just not compatible.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/07/21 05:03 AM
I texted after, "Thanks again for the pleasant walk. You and <dog> are adorable and I love your big dreams <3". She texted back, "Thanks for making the afternoon so special. It was lovely meeting you." No cesspool here!

I was surprised how easily physical contact built up--she asked for a hug at the start and walked so close throughout, our hands brushing into each other was unavoidable. When we sat and I put an arm around her she leaned into it. I guess there are two people creating the date and someone who wants more contact is going to drop hints and provide opportunities. I'm emboldened that she found me attractive and enjoyed the date and if we were more compatible it could've heated up quickly. Note to self, car clean, now work on house. wink
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/08/21 06:18 PM
MsSmileyBallerina(33F) has been initiating texts with me some mornings and every evening--Tue, Wed, Thu.. and at 5:30pm Friday I realized I was excitedly waiting for her text and felt very positively about our chances.. uhoh?! Her text appeared at 5:32pm. Why did I have any feelies--no date yet, still vetting to do. (Aside for Don--I'm certain about her appearance and that she's human/female.) I realized her texting me to check in on my day and just before she fell asleep felt very familiar. Like a relationship. No instant relationships! I vet first. At 7:30pm I responded to her text, two more in quick succession, and put my phone down ignoring her final messages (1 statement + 1 question).

I pinged MsStoryTeller(platonic) to hang out, and she invited me to a charity event where I'll meet her sister and 8 friends. I ping MsOldFriend(platonic) to check-in, and she invited me to hang out next weekend. This is the more important task, building up those networks of platonic friends so I don't need to rely so much on a partner. Both of these women are outside my dating age range and no flirting so they feel very safe.

I also cleaned my car, again. MsHikesMyPeaks(ex-platonic) when she had her meltdown (it's my story! I can call it a meltdown), she fired a bevvy of insults at me. Most I ignored because I'm okay with my boundaries and preferences. One stung--my car was so grimy she secretly wiped anything she touched when I looked away. So, for my date I'd done a car wash and vaccuum, but now I spent $45 on McGuires cleaning products and did my own detail that covered the dash, doors, consols, seats, and floormats--front seats only, so far. I don't like feeling ashamed about my life. Today will also include cleaning my home (similar issue), relaxing and baking with my kids, and a training session.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/08/21 07:57 PM
On second thought, while it was totally fine for me to exit the conversation, it was not kind to leave her hanging. How would I feel? Next time, indicate I'm leaving--"Enjoy your evening", "Good night", or somesuch. Rudeness may be rampant in online dating from what I read here, but that's not a behavior I desire to emulate. (:
Posted By: DejaVu6 Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/09/21 06:01 AM
Personally CW, I am not a fan of leaving someone hanging...either doing it myself or having it done to me. I agree...it feels rude. On occasion, itís okay and sometimes unavoidable (i.e. A couple times Iíve dozed off when talking to someone and vice versa) but I donít do it as a practice...especially if I donít know the other person well. If I know them well and we have an established relationship then itís not a big deal. Otherwise I make a point of saying hello and then signing off with a goodbye or a gotta run or something like that. Also... if someone sends me a question, I think it is only polite to answer and then say I have to go if I donít want to talk any longer.

Also... if you think the other person is interested in you and you donít feel the same way, I think honesty is always the best policy. ďHad a great time and enjoyed your company but I didnít really feel a romantic connection. I wish you the best.Ē I had a guy send me that text after a first meeting and I really appreciated it. Luckily the feeling was mutual so I wasnít disappointed but regardless, even if I had felt differently, it would have been better than just not hearing from the person again. General rule of thumb...treat other people the way you would want to be treated...even in OLD.

Glad you are making some connections!!! (((HUGS)))
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/09/21 11:18 PM
Thanks, Deja. Acting with honesty and integrity trumps all else for me. I actually apologized. Thatís the second time Iíve apologized for online dating faux pas where I was in the wrong. My matches may be on another forum complaining about my behavior, but will have to add, ďat least he apologizedĒ. (:

Today was fantastic. So, I co-organized a charity event and it went well. My ex-GF asked if Iíd mind if she attended for 1hr. I didnít reply. She attended for 3.5hrs of 5hrs. I treated her like any random person. She texted me, ďYour long hair looks cute. Thanks for talking to me.Ē A part of the event is each participant got an introduction to me and one other person. Visiting her WAS awkward acting like she was anybody else. The highlight was when the hired band was short one person and I filled in. Yes, Iím introverted but not shy, feel more comfortable in my skin than ever, and nobody expected that. Bucket list item checked offóI played in public with a real band!

Afterwards, MsOldFriend(platonic) lost a family member. While sheís not one to accept charity, I used Motherís Day as an excuse to send her a cheese and fruit basket ($20). She was happy to receive it.

Iím at the bottom of a training mountain about to climb it.

Tomorrow I have a charity lunch with MsStoryteller.

Thursday and Saturday I have dates. (:
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/09/21 11:53 PM
What do you play again? That takes guts to jump in without rehearsing and without practice playing in public!
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/09/21 11:54 PM
Also now ex-gf is angling. Donít take her bait.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/10/21 06:50 AM
Her follow-up text tonight, "It was hard but wonderful to see you. I still miss you. If you discover any tips for The Mountain, please let me know." I get she's angling--no substance to bite into.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/10/21 11:42 PM
Today, I was invited to MsStoryteller's(platonic) charity lunch. I met 8 of their friends and their sister and had pleasant chats with each, went on a ranger-led hike on lands restricted to the public, spent a few minutes observing a wild rattler and king snake a few feet away, and enjoyed a fantastic catered lunch. It was $350/head. Three of her friends dropped a few days before the event, and I was the first person she called to fill-in. Life is fantastic lately.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/10/21 11:42 PM
Well, nothing is perfect. On the way home my allergies began acting up. wink
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/11/21 12:12 AM
Ex-GF text #3 ó ďD is threatening to run away and wonít do her school work. Sheís angry and I donít know why. My health is worse. My life [censored]. She wonít talk to me. Iím hiring her an IC. When I saw you yesterday I just wanted to climb into your chest, one of those peaceful moments when we werenít fighting or driving each other crazy. I donít know what to do. Iím crying. I donít know what to do. I donít know where Dís hate comes from.Ē
Posted By: OnlyBent Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/11/21 12:52 AM
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Ex-GF text #3 ó ďD is threatening to run away and wonít do her school work. Sheís angry and I donít know why. My health is worse. My life [censored]. She wonít talk to me. Iím hiring her an IC. When I saw you yesterday I just wanted to climb into your chest, one of those peaceful moments when we werenít fighting or driving each other crazy. I donít know what to do. Iím crying. I donít know what to do. I donít know where Dís hate comes from.Ē


How did this text make you feel C-Dub?
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/11/21 01:46 AM
OnlyBentó

Well, Iím sorry D is on a poor path and that her health is on the decline. Iím not an IC nor a doctor. Her ďopeningĒ feels very same old, same old. In all this time I donít see any introspection into her part in the breakup. We were ďfightingĒ and ďdriving each other crazyĒ. I mightíve been tempted if there were awareness and attempted changes. The juxtaposition of where each of our lives are today is dramatic. Iím sorry sheís sobbing and struggles to self-soothe. I hope her IC can help her. Maybe Iíll send her IC a note she is struggling? She said her IC is having trouble booking her and letting her IC know would be a ďgoodĒ action consistent with my values. I need a healthy partner or a solo life. Farewell, my love.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/11/21 01:51 AM
Thatís my best attempt to think deeply on it. Dinnerís ready! Off to eat and then watch TV with my kids. (:
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/11/21 03:00 AM
Omigosh. Next ex-GF text:

ďI was good enough to text when you were stranded. I would even have come to help. Iím totally distraught and feeling stranded and donít get anything back from you. Donít bother contacting me if youíre stranded again.Ē
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/11/21 03:10 AM
Well, thatís the first one where I feel triggered. I feel like sheís implying Iím not a good person.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/11/21 03:30 AM
Its simple. I need to separate out, ďAm I a good person?Ē and ďDoes she think Iím a good person.Ē The intervention I planned earlier was to contact her IC. I will do that momentarily in case sheís in crisis.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/11/21 03:49 AM
I wrote her therapist. I wonít block her, for the unlikely case she becomes violent or suicidal,
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/11/21 03:59 AM
I also texted her IC and will reply if she has questions. Good person duty complete.
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/11/21 04:55 AM
Ok now your job is done!

Sheís doing her very best to suck you back in. And you have correctly identified that itís hollow since it doesnít come with any insight or change in her part. Heck, she doesnít even have any idea why her daughter wants to run away?

I have a crazy ExBF. I mean really badly bipolar, pretty psychotic when heís manic, which leads him to relapse into drug use (only when manic). Believe me, I didnít know any of this when we were dating, until the end when he went totally off the rails. It was then that his mental illness became obvious. (Also the double life heíd been leading with another woman the whole time we were together).

I feel sorry for him, I really do. His mental illness has made for a very difficult life, and should have been properly diagnosed decades ago. Nonetheless, I donít want him back in my life either, and I have to maintain a distance so he doesnít cling to the idea that we could get back together someday. Iíll share his medical information with his doctors (with his permission, of course) because I know his medical and psych history better than anyone at this point. Iíve written a detailed letter for his orthopedic surgeon who is doing his hip replacement, in hopes that they can keep him from a psych crisis in the hospital after surgery. I will still do what being a good person requires. But my boundaries are firm. And I give him no responses that might feed his hopes of a reconciliation.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/11/21 03:32 PM
Thank you, kml. You are among the best of people, so hearing you say "Your job is done" was reassuring.

I think even before that I found my balance. I believe I'm a good person and the action I took consistent with that were reaching out to her therapist. This weekend I co-organized and volunteered at an event helping 50+ people. I gave a friend in mourning a cheese and fruit plate. Some are more altruistic, but I do more good than bad. (:

I'm proud her sequence of compliments, inviting communication, sharing her pain, implying snuggling and maybe R if I acted immediately, then implying I'm a bad person didn't trigger me enough for wrong actions.
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/11/21 08:47 PM
Glad you didn't fall for it. And if she presses you in the future for getting back together, just keep it simple: "I don't feel we are a good match". Not laying any blame, not accusatory, but firm and simple.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/12/21 01:30 AM
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Its simple. I need to separate out, ďAm I a good person?Ē and ďDoes she think Iím a good person.Ē The intervention I planned earlier was to contact her IC. I will do that momentarily in case sheís in crisis.

I'll go further ... you didn't cause this, you can't control this and you can't cure this (her crisis).

Don your teflon suit. IMHO, there is no need to contact her IC. Her actions and their repercussions are on her. There is a reason you two aren't together, and this series of text messages is a good example of why.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/12/21 03:11 PM
Thanks, Butterfly. I decided last night to block her again.

Iím embarrassed to say I spent another hour considering her charge that ďat least she was good enoughĒ, implying I did not act in a good way. My assessment again was that my actions were consistent with my values. Itís too bad our relationship re-ended on a sour noteólast time she said she liked, respected, and loved me and I wondered if 6mo down the line we might become acquaintances again. She gets under my skin too easily for that anytime soon. I hope her IC can help. I hope her doctor and her daughterís IC can help. Iím going to wonder how those turn out.
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/12/21 04:11 PM
Quote
I wondered if 6mo down the line we might become acquaintances again


Look - I've famously remained friends with almost all of my ex-lovers (EXCEPT my exH). BUT - I don't think she's capable of that kind of friendship, nor do I think it would be a good idea for you. She's too manipulative, and she knows how to push your buttons too well. From the stories you've recounted here, I just don't think she's the kind of person who can be "just friends" with you. Nor would she necessarily make a good friend. (I bet if you think back on her relationships with other friends while you knew her, you'd find they weren't healthy in some way or another. )

Just keep swimming forward. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Posted By: Elbereth Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/13/21 06:11 AM
Save your energy for exploring relationships that bring you joy, connection, fun and hope.

If she (ex-GF) is pushing your buttons, don't respond to that...it just give the impression that works.

At least that is my experience with some narcissists I have had to deal with. And advice I've read. I'm certainly no expert. ha!

Glad you are enjoying dating. OLD is full of weirdos, but there are a lot of good folks out there too. I enjoyed connecting...even if there was no spark. And yes, if there is no spark say so...don't leave people hanging. Enjoy it for what it is with no expectations behind enjoying yourself and how meeting different people helps you to figure out what you do and don't want. When it's the right person, it will happen. I believe that.

El
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/13/21 07:33 AM
Originally Posted by Elbereth
Save your energy for exploring relationships that bring you joy, connection, fun and hope. If she (ex-GF) is pushing your buttons, don't respond to that...it just give the impression that works.

lol. It sounds obvious when you frame it like that. 4 texts from my exGF had me questioning my choices and self-worth, so I blocked her. 32 texts from MsSmilyBallerina(33F) had me smiling for half an hour straight, so I'm meeting her. I find it interesting that I so easily felt a connection to MsCutePuppy(46F) in-person and MsSmileyBallerina(33F) via texting. At first I worried about that, but I think it's part of having an open heart, and it's not obsessive nor jealous. I take it as a sign that I can love again, and I'll feel loss again, because those two are a package deal. (:

Originally Posted by Elbereth
Glad you are enjoying dating. OLD is full of weirdos,

The more difficult ones help you practice boundaries. I have a date tomorrow with MsAdventuress(42F), and she was slow to confirm key details. I worried about flaking, especially as the guy making the picnic basket, especially after that prior date who simply closed the match 24 hours out. I decided requiring her phone number would make me feel more comfortable she wasn't going to flake. "Dear L, I get you're struggling after work fired your co-worker and made you wear their hat too, and you're not as active on Bumble. That sounds really hard. I also want to ensure if I make a basket of yumminess, we can connect. Is there a cell # I could text you at? Still excited to meet you."

Hopefully, this response did not disappoint LH, who's apparently calling me the King of Compassion, lmao. She sent her phone number, the missing details, and told me she's looking forward to tomorrow.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/13/21 03:53 PM
Elbereth and Kml have given you wise guidance C ... I'm glad you blocked her and really glad you're moving forward.

Yes, an open heart leaves room for loss, and it's all part of the package. Maybe someday I will be willing and have the spare energy to give that a chance. Till then I'll follow along on the adventures of yourself and others here.
Posted By: DejaVu6 Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/14/21 03:44 AM
Onwards and upwards CW!! Hope you have a great picnic tomorrow!!
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/14/21 06:04 AM
Date #2 - MsSoloAdventuress(42F) - It was a good picnic--my ham & swiss on sourdough plus watermelon-feta-mint salad were a hit! I'm expanding my food repertoire, and nature by sunset is always nice. Halfway through she suggested she take me out to dinner on an upcoming weekend and tried to schedule it. That was awkward. I wasn't sure yet if I wanted a second date. Our kids are the same ages, and her interests are similar to mine. She says she's been traveling solo for 3yrs and doesn't want to go it alone anymore. We want to climb the same mountains. The problem is, whereas I want to climb that mountain in 1 day, she wants to do it in 10 days. I'm okay being and going it alone.

It's funny, some of my other matches do far less in the way of outdoor adventures, but may be a better fit, simply because they have no problem filling up their free time with activities. (:
Posted By: bttrfly Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/14/21 09:51 AM
hmmm ... something seems off - is it just me?
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/14/21 03:09 PM
Dude - this is the problem with making first meetings romantic dates - it sets way too many expectations. The first meeting needs to be just that - a meeting with an implied time limit. A coffee date or even meeting for a drink. But a whole beautiful picnic lunch reeks of romance, which you might not feel at all once you meet the person. A woman doesnít go home from that saying ďI met an interesting person I think Iíd like to dateĒ, she goes home thinking ďoh I just had the most romantic date!Ē And expectations are created.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/14/21 05:05 PM
Originally Posted by kml
A woman doesnít go home from that saying ďI met an interesting person I think Iíd like to dateĒ, she goes home thinking ďoh I just had the most romantic date!Ē And expectations are created.

Is that bad? I truly got joy out of giving her a rose and her finishing her sourdough-ham-swiss-pickle-panini and the watermelon-feta-mint-onion salad. She said it was the perfect evening after her hard day. Creating a romantic evening and making someone's day makes me happy. I'll share something silly. Even back at a happy time when my ex-GF lived with me, on Valentine's Day I organized a special event where I made-up my house like a Parisian street complete with mood lighting and prints of the city at night. I served a multi-course meal including Tuscan steaks and bruschetta and bean soup and prosecco. I delighted that some of the men and women I brought together connected. I would say this desire, that I didn't realize was there, speaks to something deep inside of me.
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/15/21 01:03 AM
Thatís wonderful - once you are dating! But you really need a meet and greet first. Not everyone you meet online will be someone you find attractive or interesting when you meet them in person. And wowing them with a romantic date before youíve figured out if you even want to date them seems like jumping the gun - and is likely to create resentment when you later tell her you arenít interested in moving to a second date.

(Also, personally, it would make me a little nervous - like, itís a bit too much when you donít even know me yet, Iíd read it as a little needy).
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/15/21 04:16 PM
kml, thanks. I greatly value your advice.

I get choosing interesting first dates is partly selecting my dating pool. So far, two women enthusiastically accepted interesting dates (42F, 48F), one accepted (33F), and two (48F, 50F) preferred a minimal date which I declined.

I like dates where there is the potential for romance and mutual investment. In "How Not To Die Alone", a previous Bumble exec says "Stop going on dates in well-lit coffee bars. If you're thinking, "If this date [censored], at least I got some caffeine out of it." Don't. You don't want your dates to feel like a networking meeting. Choose something sexier, like a candlelit wine bar." That's also what matchmakers in the past (for free!) have set me up with. (:

I will give it some thought. The two I declined are MsWineAndClimb(50F) and MsTallChemist(48F). MsTallChemist's request to meet at a coffee bar near her home (25min away) also felt imbalanced. I'd be making all the effort. MsWineAndClimb(50F) proposed a 20-min walk about 5min from each of us is more balanced. Maybe I'll reconsider.

Well, it's the weekend. I have better things to do than think about dating. I almost regret setting one tonight. Time to focus on breakfast, my not-for-profit, preparation for my trip, and making my home nicer. (:
Posted By: Dawn70 Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/15/21 08:30 PM
I disagree with kml. I think your picnic idea was good and I would love someone doing that for me. While I get her point about the first meeting is to determine if you want an actual date, I donít think a daytime picnic is overtly romantic but it is thoughtful with underlying romantic tones. I would not see it as needy if someone planned that for me, I would be impressed. But you can take my advice with a grain of salt because you have to do what works for you. I loved the idea and thought it was cute. Keep on keeping on!
Posted By: Elbereth Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/16/21 02:39 AM
I once met a guy online who I really liked and he was living part time in another state. We wrote for a long while and even talked on the phone a bit. I was smitten and we wrote like crazy and it was magic. After a while, he came back 'home' and we finally met face to face. Zero chemistry. ZERO. All that emotional effort made me a friend but not a dating option. He was a nice person, but it wasn't even close to a match. No chemistry and he was different when he wasn't writing things out. From there I was careful about communicating too much before meeting someone. Emotionally, that was better for me to do that.

I think what is being suggested is that it's great to plan these lovely first meetings, but it is really hard to know if you will even want to see the person again after the first date. So maybe making the first date more of a basic coffee date meeting will save you time, money and emotional energy. With the expectation that you have that in reserve for a followup meeting. However, if this is how you enjoy the dating process, then you should continue to do it the way you enjoy doing it. Honestly, if this is your personality and a woman is turned off by the gesture, then you know she wouldn't be a good fit. You can't control how others perceive things. So yeah, some may think you want to move faster or that you are ready for the next date, or whatever, but you have no control over that. If you make a really nice time and you both enjoy it and you decide there is no chemistry or interest in another date, then just being honest and say "I enjoyed meeting you and enjoying this time together but I don't think we are a good fit and I wish you the best".

That's my two cents. smile

El
Posted By: kml Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/16/21 04:53 AM
At least skip the flowers! Itís not the picnic idea itself, itís the too much too soon romantic overtones that are a problem.
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/16/21 05:18 AM
Date #3 - MissSmileyBallerina(33F) - Wine bar. After two weeks of texting, although I initially rated her a 6 out of 10 in attractiveness, and MsCutePuppies an 8 and MsSoloAdventurous a 7, I was only nervous about this date. At the beginning, I spoke too fast and forgot what I was saying--doh! Attraction, check. After a bit, I got comfy. In texting, we had nothing in common, but the banter was fun. In-person that disappeared. Me? Her? She talked football and crushing her co-workers and getting wasted with her cousins. I talked the beauty of the outdoors, traveling far and near, and building up others. We struggled to keep the conversation going. I said I was fading and asked to call it a night early. On the way back to our cars, I went for her hand, and a few fingers were accepted. By the time we were home she thanked me for a lovely evening and closed our match. I've finally been rejected. I didn't feel we even matched as friends, so no sting. I suspect I will feel some loss in the coming days over those texts we shared? We'll see.

Well, that's Dating Effort #1. Any further dates will be in a few weeks after my trip to TheMountain. (:

[qote=Elbereth] I was smitten and we wrote like crazy and it was magic. After a while, he came back 'home' and we finally met face to face. Zero chemistry. ZERO.[/quote]
How timely! I can relate, lol. Well, after 10-14 days I felt something maybe not magic yet. (:

Originally Posted by Elbereth
I think what is being suggested is that it's great to plan these lovely first meetings, but it is really hard to know if you will even want to see the person again after the first date. So maybe making the first date more of a basic coffee date meeting will save you time, money and emotional energy. With the expectation that you have that in reserve for a followup meeting. However, if this is how you enjoy the dating process, then you should continue to do it the way you enjoy doing it. Honestly, if this is your personality and a woman is turned off by the gesture, then you know she wouldn't be a good fit.

Makes sense. As long as the $15/date investment plus food prep is fun and not a drag, I will continue, because it's me and that seems to resonate with some. The opposite would resonate with others. (:

Time to prepare my breakfast picnic for tomorrow!. The menu is that watermelon-feta-mint-onion salad again because I have ingredients left and it was so delish, lemon-blueberry protein muffins, and cold brew coffee. This is for a pure friend. I also just volunteered to be the camp chef on an upcoming backpacking trip!
Posted By: Ginger1 Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/16/21 10:49 AM
Congrats CW, you lured me out of hiatus VERY briefly!

My take on these a few things.

1) the romantic set up for a first date. From a womanís perspective. Someone takes me on a romantic first date and I think this guy must be super into me. Especially if he puts his arm around me too. I would probably be extra disappointed if the guy was giving me interested vibes and it turns out he wasnít interested.

2) why did you find it awkward on the date when the woman started to plan a second date on your romantic first date? A romantic first date isnít awkward, but setting up a second date before ďyou know if you even want oneĒ is?

If you keep setting a scene like you do a woman is going to think there is is a second date on the table if the date goes well. It might create romantic feelings for her, but not for you. Rose, picnics. Special foods, the setting, if convo was decent and there was somewhat of an attraction in her end, the vibe elevated it and she would want a second date.

Then you take this next Emma. To the wine bar, know you have no chemistry and would want a second date, but you try to hold her hand in the parking lot?!?!! I donít get it? Why are you sending a signal you are interested when you are not? I understand how you preparing these dates and practicing gestures. But itís really not fair to the one on the receiving end.

I think you are trying to set a mood on these first dates that are not congruent to the situation. Romantic and gestures and hand holding come on the second date and third date maybe when you find you have interest to continue. Not when you are just meeting someone . It skews everyone. And that being said, I donít like interview first dates and coffee dates either. My first and only daytime coffee date was actually a guy actually interviewing me to see if I can be he Saturday date between the hours of 11-3 on the regular and if I could fulfill his foot fetish.

One drink, a small bite to eat is a great way to get to know if you want to move onto the super romantic stuff
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/16/21 02:10 PM
Originally Posted by Ginger
2) why did you find it awkward on the date when the woman started to plan a second date on your romantic first date? A romantic first date isnít awkward, but setting up a second date before ďyou know if you even want oneĒ is?

I see your point. A lady could reasonably assume when I've taken her on a sunset walk on the coast, bought her a rose, and prepared a turkey-cheese-sourdough panini and feta-watermelon salad that my interest is high. When, my interest is simply piqued, and I'm enjoying a $15 date where I'm out in nature and getting to try a new recipe.

(In comparison, the local wine bar charged $70(!!) for 2 so-so glasses of wine and 2 tapas I mean, I do believe my Spanish Meatballs match theirs. I'll grant their Kaffir Lime Beef would be harder to pull off.)

I'll chew on this and get back. Ginger, so glad to hear from you! Sending good thoughts your way. I hope your hiatus has been and continues to go well.
Posted By: DonH Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/16/21 03:25 PM
Holy heck $70 dollar dates the way youíre burning through them could get really expensive. I just wonder, like a lot of people, if this is much more about YOU than about your dates. I get you want to practice, try things, etc. but these are not willing study participants, they are HUMAN BEINGS. All of this seems to be about you, not them - like hand holding or putting your arm around them. Itís not a spontaneous reaction in the moment, it seems much more like part of the plan. Like a check list of what you plan to do.

I donít at all think youíre doing it this way on purpose to be mean. Yet that may be the actual result, especially if they catch real feelings. Sadly there are many lonely people out there who will easily fall for these things. Thatís why so many give away their life savings to an online ďloveĒ theyíve never met in person. Be careful.

If nothing else you win the award for coming up with the best screen names for your dates! Youíre nailing that for sure!
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/16/21 07:31 PM
Hi Don,

Thanks for your constructive criticism.

I want to continue picnic hikes because they're affordable, fun, and easy to shorten or extend.

This morning's $14 picnic (for a friend) included 2 nitro cold brews, 4 lemon-blueberry protein muffins, and feta watermelon salad. Passerbys commented on it and my friend finished everything. I gave up the last muffin to my son who I happened to run into by chance and that was one more happy customer. (:

I get your point that the rose and picnic may have been interpreted by MsCutePuppy and MsSoloAdventuress as me having a higher interest in them than I did. I could nix the rose and let them know I often prepare picnics. Don, Ginger, etc. if any of you lived nearby I would offer the same with no romantic strings! I get your point that when I put my arm around MsCutePuppy and tried to hold MsSmileyBallerina's hand, they may have interpreted those as a higher interest than I had since by then I knew a romantic path was an unlikely outcome.

So, Dating Dos: 1) Be myself, 2) Put a bit more thought into how my actions may affect my dates!
Posted By: CWarrior Re: I'm Climbing The Mountain in 29 Days - 05/16/21 08:15 PM
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