Link to my last thread:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2913818&page=1Well, soon I will cross the threshold to Medicare coverage - it will be a great relief to no longer have a $7,000 medical deductible! I have a number of delayed medical appointments that I plan to make as soon as it is in effect.
This does make me think a bit about the next phases of my life. I had my young student phase, my married mom phase, my post-divorce dating and adventures phase. I don't expect to retire until I'm about 70 (and probably will still work part time after that) - divorce has a way of doing that. The immediate next phase will still be complicated by caring for a cancer patient (poor CMM puked up his birthday dinner at 4 this morning). But I am starting to think more about what my life will look like once he's gone (maybe a couple of years from now, who knows).
What do I want more of?
Socializing - not so much dating, but friend groups, dinner parties etc. Not exactly my forte but I think very important in retirement years. I'd like to start that Sunday Salon I've always daydreamed about.
Exercise - caring for CMM and my gym being closed during much of the pandemic (and still not a place I feel safe returning to yet) has led to a sharp decline in exercise. Working on getting that back with the 1000 Mile Challenge.
Music - I look forward to being able to resume gigs in the post-pandemic world, and eventually retirement would make me able to go on more and longer tours if they become available.
Arts and crafts - something I did when I was young and single but not so much in my adult life. Also creative time for writing (medical stuff).
Freedom - having a live-in boyfriend just reinforces how much I like to be in control of my own time. As I've often said before, my ideal relationship in the future would be with someone who has their own place and their own life, and is available for weekend dates and sleepovers. Or maybe I'll just give up men and get a dog.
Financial security for my adult children - one of the big reasons I am still working, if they were all totally self-sufficient and well on their way, I could downsize and retire now. But the emotional fallout of divorce and their underlying issues mean they've all had slow starts and I want to make sure they have a leg up, as much as I can help. I'd like them to inherit something from me as I cannot be sure they will get anything from their father's estate.
Travel - my sister and I plan to resume our world travels once the pandemic is safely over.
What do I want less of?
Stress - mostly time stress, not being able to fit everything in, or at least, not having the energy to get everything done. I guess there's no one thing I dislike about my life right now, except for the lack of time and energy to do everything I want to do.
Any other suggestions out there for a happy next phase?
Also - looking back at those past phases, if I had any advice to offer for younger women it would be:
Young single phase - learn about dark triad characteristics, value yourself more, don't let infatuation override a sober assessment of whether someone is going to be a good life partner. Don't ignore the red flags!
Married mom phase - Be prepared to be on your own at any time - you never know when disaster or MLC will strike. God bless the child that's got her own.
Post - divorce dating - I have no complaints, although if I had been more focused on a new life partner, I would have advised don't date people who don't fit that model. You only have so much time in your 50's to find a new partner if that's your goal, don't waste it.
I have been on Medicare for just over 2 years and like you want to wait until 70 to collect social security.
Good to start paying in at 65 or else you could have to pay extra by the government for failure to enroll at that time.
I am with you on the energy thing, as I keep getting younger everyday, I have less energy or drive to do
things that should be easy.
So I guess making my life easier, enjoying my grandchildren and having fun are important things to do
while I still am young enough to be able to do them.
I now have had both vaccines and am ready for the world to get back to normal and
come see you play on tour!
So this was supposed to be chemo weekend, but CMM’s chemo got postponed because his platelets were too low. Hopefully they will come up enough by next weekend. A bit odd as his white cells and red cells looked great. However his platelets have been drifting down for a while and they don’t want to risk them dropping down into bleeding range after chemo.
Anybody out there been watching the Ken Burns documentary on Hemingway? It’s quite good.
Well, CMM's chemo is cancelled again today - his platelet count only came up from 65,000 to 76,000, his doctor wants it to be around 90,000 before he goes through another round. Just as well since he's being treated for a sinus infection right now.
Been reflecting on the Ken Burns documentary about Hemingway, and how many of the women in his life chucked promising careers to take care of the "great writer". Women really are gullible - always thinking that THEY are the one and he won't cheat on THEM - even though he cheated on every one of his wives with his next wife. And it wasn't even for the money - his first two wives bankrolled HIM. I love that his second wife - who was friends with his first wife and snatched him from under her nose - made him get his marriage annulled so he could marry her in the Catholic church. She was then shocked - SHOCKED - when he dumped her 13 years later for yet another woman! His third wife was a war correspondent and the only one with the gumption to dump him first and not give up her career. (There's a movie on their life together starring Nicole Kidman, called Hemingway and Gellhorn).
He was a mess at the end, but it wasn't just his drinking - the man had a crazy number of head injuries and concussions in his life, he undoubtedly had CTE in the end too. Plus the family history was full of suicides.
Still, lots of interesting commentary on his writing by a number of famous writers, it's quite worth watching the documentary.
OMG btw, go on youtube and look for a SNL skit called Meet Your Second Wife - too funny.
@kml, I think you just cured me of ANY chance of me (40s/M) feeling chemistry towards 28F, lol. I'm going to start wondering, when I got married in my 20s, how old was she?!
Some age gaps shock me. My ex-GFs H was early 50s and re-married someone late 20s! There's an "Eww" factor when you date someone young enough to be your child.
My online dating settings have usually been -5yrs to +5yrs, and offline I've dated -5 to +9yrs. I do think I should be more liberal with ages the next time I date. Limit on attraction. Limit on values. Don't limit on a number. Maybe -12 to +12 with the knowledge I'll end up closing more people in the 8-12yr range for lack of attraction. At -12yrs, they couldn't have been my child unless I had a really messed up childhood, lol. (:
My ex remarried someone 19 years younger then him - I kinda feel sorry for her, I got all his best years. Still, I can't really talk, I did have a couple of brief flings with men that were way too young for me after my divorce. Really only one guy that I dated since my divorce was older (by 2 years). The rest have been generally 5-10 years younger. Not by choice, really, it just worked out that way. My age didn't seem to be an issue to any of them.
I think more important than absolute age is stage in life. If you date younger and she hasn't had kids, you have to think if you're willing to have more kids. Me, my kids are grown, I didn't want to date anyone who was still raising young children. (Which a surprising number of guys in their 50's were doing!). If I dated a guy who is retired and wants to travel, I wouldn't be a fit for him for a few more years until I retire. But I figure a guy 5-10 years younger averages out the longer expected lifespan for a woman.
]Interesting article in WAPO today about introverts thriving in the pandemic, and this paragraph caught my eye:
There’s some brain science to explain the behavior: Extroverts are less sensitive to dopamine, the “feel-good” chemical that affects the brain’s pleasure center, and require more stimulation to be happy and energized. For introverts, a little dopamine goes a long way, and too much of anything can be exhausting.
My ex was an extrovert and a dopamine seeking adventurer. I had not connected the two. I wonder how many of our WASs were extroverts versus introverts?
]My ex was an extrovert and a dopamine seeking adventurer. I had not connected the two. I wonder how many of our WASs were extroverts versus introverts?
I always thought of my ex as an extrovert and me as an introvert. I test out as an INTJ or at least did consistently. And she was if I remember correctly ENFP - the so called perfect match. She loved being around people which working retail was an environment she thrived in.
In a social environment though I was the one talking to random people where she would stick to just a few. One thing that used to bother me a lot was how when for example we'd go away to a resort there would seem to be another couple or small group that she would immediately bond with and visa versa to the exclusion of everyone else around. She was also very secretive about herself and her personal life with others where I have no problem hanging my laundry out for all to see.
For giggles I just retook the test and came out as INFJ. I know on another "LBS" type forum a bunch of us shared our results and most of them had IN type personalities. It certainly makes some sense though given all that I've been through that I've perhaps become more understanding of others which I believe is one of the key differences between INTJ and INFJ
I’ve been INFJ for years.
Introverts can be very sociable - but we have to recharge our batteries with some alone time. Extroverts recharge by being with people and find it draining to be alone.
Learned some sad news today about someone I know. A guy my age, married to a lovely and successful woman, with a beautiful young teen daughter. He’s in the hospital recovering from surgery to remove a spinal tumor from his c-spine.
But that’s not the bad news. The bad news is his marriage recently blew up because he was cheating on his wife. (I don’t have the details, but secondhand , sounds like it might not be typical MLC and more sex addiction stuff ). He’s apparently super remorseful but wife has already filed papers. So there he is in the ICU, without the love and support of his family because he stupidly blew it up.
He’s a fascinating guy, who has had several interesting careers. But I imagine he could also be a lot of work. And I can picture his wife thinking “wait! I put all that energy into you and you did this??? Nope!”
She co-owns a very successful business so she’s fine financially without him. I don’t know her as well, but from what I know, he might have a very tough time convincing her to give him another chance.
He really had it all - beautiful family, lovely home, successful third career in the arts. Such a shame.
I've never cheated, and fully support his wife moving on to better prospects, but it's hard not to feel bad for him in this situation--it's amazing how skilled we humans are at shooting ourselves in the foot.
I'm apparently an ENFP. I'm certain I was not ENFP a few years ago. There may be truth to the LBS experience changing our personality in profound ways, switching our "T" to an "F".
My "I" vs. "E" swaps every other test. I suspect I'm really INFP.
So, another vindication today. My patient with the rare autoimmune neurological disease finally got his CT scan results back today. (Should have been done last summer, really). It does show an enlarged thymus (the thymus gland, in your chest, usually shrinks in adulthood, but in people with this syndrome, it remains enlarged or can occasionally have a tumor).
This is good news because it's another piece of suspicious evidence for his diagnosis. Doesn't absolutely confirm but fits with his syndrome. Treatment often includes removing the thymus and this abnormal scan gives us more leverage to argue for having it removed in his case. (It's not a cure but usually improves the disease and is best done within the first five years of symptoms - hence the importance of them delaying this test.)
Now the somewhat reasonable neurologist at his HMO is referring him to a different neuromuscular specialist within their system who will hopefully be able to recognize that this is a textbook case and start some more intensive treatment.
Just finished watching a documentary about the Laci Peterson murder on Hulu. And the most shocking thing about it is how adamantly his family thinks he's innocent. I guess denial is a powerful survival mechanism. But Scott was a classic sociopath-next-door. It seems crazy to think that people actually cannot see that. The defense tries to make a bid deal about the media frenzy around the case - which there was - and how violently the public reacted to him and how joyful they were when he was convicted. But that was because EVERYBODY could see what a sociopath Scott was! It was plain as day. Yes, the trial could have been conducted better, and that's how he got reduced from a death sentence to life in prison. (Which is fine by me, I'm against the death penalty). But he's still guilty as h-e-double hockey sticks.
It does make me think of the safety of everybody here. No, it's not terribly likely that a WAS is going to kill the LBS - but it's not like it doesn't happen. And the everyday dark triad stuff that shows up in some of our spouses, and the flagrant lying most of them engage in during their affairs, does make one think. I believe my ex was so concerned about reducing the life insurance policy I had on him (which I paid for!) because he was projecting - he claimed he didn't want me to "profit" from his death, but I believe that's because some little part of him had thought of how much better off financially he would be if he bumped ME off.
I believe that's because some little part of him had thought of how much better off financially he would be if he bumped ME off.
I've been in some single parents groups. As a brief, dark fantasy that's not uncommon. Fortunately, most are neither sociopaths nor so anger-filled as to do anything like that to a fellow human being.
I actually told a few friends that if anything had happened to me to ask a lot of questions. As a middle-aged fat guy with a known heart condition, few questions would have been asked if I just popped my clogs as it were. She would have ended up with a relatively untarnished reputation and a pay-day of well over 1/2 million. She also was a big fan of murder mystery novels and TV shows so undoubtedly could figure out how to do me in with common household items. She did like throw pillows. I also knew little or nothing about OM other than the fact that he was seemingly devoted to my then wife, nor what he would be capable of in order to remove an obstacle in the path of his twu wuv.
As part of my settlement I'm obliged to carry a policy on myself payable to her which now nets her a modest amount of cash in hand vs the alimony that it is intended to cover. Just have to be careful when I'm down to the last few payments I suppose ...
I have a - shall we say - wide variety of friends - one of whom suggested that my problems could be made to go away for a modest fee. When I was telling another friend about this and joking that the cuckolded husband who just made a large cash withdrawal would probably be a prime suspect, he offered to front me the cash. I've never been sure if either of them were joking ... I have some very devoted friends.
On another forum the story was related of a woman who was ill and was diagnosed with lithium poisoning. Her symptoms improved when she stopped accepting the coffee her STBX helpfully would bring her. The thought was that he was shaving batteries into her latte.
It certainly is a thing that people need to be careful of and is undoubtedly one of the first things that a homicide detective would check.
A friend of mine is a murder mystery author and the various stories I've passed along have surprised even her.
I’ve seen some shows lately where one spouse killed the other with Visine in their drink. That’s crazy. I have Visine in my purse. CW is right. Fortunately most people could never do something like that. Honestly, with all of the technology available to police these days, I’m surprised people still commit murders. With the new familial DNA research that can be done to find family members, there are many people out there who got away with it 30 or 40 years ago that are now looking over their shoulders.
Oh yeah, genealogical detective work is fascinating!
And along those lines of genetic surprises - I know someone who is adopted, as is her husband. 23andme results on their daughter showed multiple relatives that were related on both parents sides. She thinks she's discovered that she and her husband are third cousins!
Well CMM's platelet count came up to 100k so he's getting chemo right now. He didn't find out until the last minute (and he refused to just get ready and go to his appointment to find out, as it's a 30 minute drive and he didn't want to make the trip if there was not going to be chemo). Honestly, this man does NOT know what the meaning of the word "hurry" is. It drives me kinda crazy. He only has one speed and that is like the sloth in that kids movie. I'll tell him we need to leave NOW and he'll argue with me that there's plenty of time- then we leave and get there just barely in time. They asked us to hurry and try to be there as soon as possible, but no later than ten - we arrive just at ten because he spends 45 minutes shaving and getting dressed. (And no, his beard does not grow fast, if he went to chemo without shaving this early in the day NO ONE would notice!)
Now I mostly like to plan things out so there's no hurry involved, but sometimes in life you just have to SPEED UP and get something done. He cannot for the life of him do that. Except when he's driving, then it's like Grand Theft Auto (I try to do all the driving when we are together). I think fast and walk fast and it's hard to sloooooowwwww doooooowwwwn to sloth speed. It's like we're in two different dimensions.
This is not a chemo brain thing either - he's always been like this. Anybody else ever experience this? I can't quite tell if it's an OCD thing or if he's a little bit Aspie, but he cannot handle any kind of sudden change in plans. And he has only one speed, and that's SLOW.
This is not a chemo brain thing either - he's always been like this. Anybody else ever experience this? I can't quite tell if it's an OCD thing or if he's a little bit Aspie, but he cannot handle any kind of sudden change in plans. And he has only one speed, and that's SLOW.
It's been claimed by many including myself that I have Asperger tendencies but my work life at least is one of chaos and change. I do joke that I'm not fast, but I have momentum
My ex-gf S learned that for many things that I had to "take a run at them" - she'd suggest something and I'd reject it initially but then come to accept it in time.
My ex-wife was chronically late for everything while I always try to arrive just a bit early. I still remember her screaming at the kids to get ready as we would rush out the door to go to church and then have to slink in to the back pews because the service had already started. I finally told her that if going to church involved that much stress, I wasn't going. Then nobody did which was sad. She would actually invite her family here to dinner early, knowing that they would be late and had off-set clocks all through the house.
Rather than putting labels on it, perhaps CMM is just one of those people who are "particular" and feel that some things are worth making an effort for. Shaving for an important appointment shows respect for himself and them - at least that's my point of view.
Except when it’s showing disrespect for the nurse who has to shoehorn you into her busy schedule because you’re an hour and a half late for treatment! And it’s not even 24 hours since you last shaved. Granted, for my oldest son and my ex, that would be a problem - they are kings of the instant beard and really should shave twice a day! But CMM’s stubble is pretty invisible at 24 hours.
I'll tell him we need to leave NOW and he'll argue with me that there's plenty of time- then we leave and get there just barely in time. They asked us to hurry and try to be there as soon as possible, but no later than ten - we arrive just at ten because he spends 45 minutes shaving and getting dressed.
Very interesting topic. But let’s break it down. You told him if he didn’t hurry you’d be late. As it turns out, by your own admission, you arrived at 10, right on time, or as you say, “barely in time, which I’ll agree there was no time to spare but you WERE NOT LATE. So what’s the problem? Had you done it your way you would have been 45 minutes early. Yes that may have been ASAP but you were not late. But arriving early, What’s the point of that? Be 45 minutes early only to sit there and wait, wasting 45 minutes doing nothing?
Now if you were late, I’d agree but you were on time - just barely - but ON TIME. That’s how I always do it. I’m rarely if ever late and not often early. If I need to be there at 10:00 I’ll likely be there at 9:57. The guys in the band know me like clockwork. I’m never late, always ready to go at the starting time but rarely there before I have to be. One guy, bless his heart as he’s passed away from the same thing CMM is battling, always wanted to get there hours early to “settle in” he was always nervous and I wanted to secretly slip him some Valium to calm his butt down. The keyboard player is like CMM. He’s never on time and has one speed - beyond slow. He’s amazingly talented, can sing with such feeling while playing keyboards and also doing incredible bass lines with his left hand - 3 distinctly separate things all at once. Yet he can’t pump gas and wash his windows at the same time. 3 Am traveling home and it’s like he’s got all the time in the world. This is why I always try to drive myself whenever possible.
But it is very telling. To you being on time is the same as being late and being 45 minutes early is being on time. Not the case for CMM. But your way is not the right way - only the right way for you. And trying to get him to be like you only frustrates the both of you.
Perhaps another reason why I’m single. You want to date someone who has your political thoughts, does things your way, let’s you run the show. I’m not saying I’m all that different. It’s just again perhaps why I’m single.
We only arrived in time because I insisted on leaving. He had an 8:30 appointment, he wasn’t ready to leave when they did, belatedly notify him his platelets were a go (I had tried to talk him into just going down there on time at 8:30 but he didn’t want to make the 30 minute drive of chemo would be cancelled - find. But they asked us to come in as soon as possible, no later than ten, and we barely got there at ten. If he’d been ready at 8:30 we could have gotten there by 9:00 and only been 30-40 minutes late. If he’d done a quick fifteen minute dress and rush out the door - like a normal person who knows how to hustle when needed - we still could have been there by 9:30. It really messes up your whole days schedule when the first appointment is so late arriving, and Friday chemo appointments are very difficult to get.
I wonder where CMM would be if it weren't for you. I don't think he would have made it this far, or would have had such a good quality of life if it weren't for you. I hope one day he truly appreciates it. ANd if not, know you have certainly changed a life.
He definitely appreciates it. And he does everything he can around the house, including cooking me dinner every night, because he knows there will come a day when he can’t, so he feels like he’s “building up credits”.
Ok - so, during the last lockdown, I didn’t see my hairdresser for a few months. That’s when I learned I don’t have my mom’s silver hair but snowy white, Emmy Lou Harris/Mike Pence hair. (This also runs in the family - my brother and one aunt). Now that I’m fully vaccinated, I’ve gone back to my hairdresser, but my hair grows so fast, by the third week I have a big skunk stripe, that really contrasts with my brown hair.
Today I ordered some rugs from Amazon, and at the same time, a cheap white wig (apparently it’s a cosplay thing). I want to see how it would look if I really let my hair go white. I don’t think I will, but I did just watch a documentary on Prime called Gray is the new blonde and it did get me thinking about what a hassle the non-stop coloring is. However, I’m pretty sure the Snow White hair will just make me look old, not special like Emmy Lou. (Maybe if my hair was coarser and thicker, but it’s fine and straight. ) Not sure I can make it look as fabulous as hers.
yeah - tough call this. i have been playing the same debating game. my grays/silver/whites are at the temples and around my face. there's this entire movement, which i'm sure you've heard about, prompted by the late, lovely Cindy Joseph of BOOM! fame.
A dear friend of mine who was practically all gray in her early fifties adopted a strategy of changing her hair color from brunette to blonde, then letting her hair evolve to a natural silver/white mane. It's beautiful and was a graceful transition once one became accustomed to her blonde locks.
after letting mine go for months I opted to try a new hairdresser, and a new line of organic haircolor. I've seen her twice and I like the product and her approach very much, so will continue to color for now.
I like that you got the wig to test drive the look. It's obviously a very personal decision, but you will look beautiful regardless. I have no doubt about that!
I have very few actual gray hairs and the few I do have are more silvery/pale gray. I have a big "swoosh" of white hair at my temple on one side of my head which sounds kind of odd, but the rest of my hair is light enough that it isn't terribly noticeable. My dad's oldest sister had the exact same thing in the exact same place, so I have decided not to color mine as an homage to her. My hair is thick and curly and I honestly just don't mess with it much, other than to wash it regularly and get it cut pretty often because it grows so fast. Trying to keep the silver and white covered would be a nightmare and rather costly as fast as mine grows. But, then again, I'm the one who never ever wears any make-up either, so I'm probably not the best judge of beauty standards. LOL Do what makes you feel good, I say.
Dawn - apparently that’s called a Mallen streak - just learned that!
Bttrfly - my sister is a natural blonde, and when she decided to stop coloring her hair blonde and let the gray grow in it was pretty seamless. Not sure that it would be wise to try to make my hair blonde though - it’s long and that would take a lot of processing, which would likely damage my hair. My hairdresser did discuss possibly putting highlights by my face to help camouflage some of the gray roots though.
There’s a couple FB groups of women growing out there gray, and really, for most it’s a couple years of awkwardness before it’s done (except for the ones who opt for a two inch pixie cut - but I’ve never had short hair!).
check out the boom! cosmetics website there are videos where women discuss this exact thing.
Saw a beautiful picture of a woman on the FB page for going grey that had white roots like mine and fuschia colored hair and they blended together really well. It looked awesome! And looked like it would still look good even when you got down to mostly white hair with pink tips. Not sure what my patients would think of it but most of them have known me for years so I think they could handle it. I might ask my hairdresser how hard that would be to do. I know she is the colorist for famous designer Zandra Rhoades who is known for her flamingo pink hair. It would be a lot less stark than a sharp line between white and brown hair.
kml, sounds fun! When I've dated women with greying hair--the 30s MsRebound not the 40s ExGF--most of the time I saw them with between 1/6th and 1/3rd grey hair. It's funny, they chose colors based on how they looked freshly colored, but most of the time their grey roots showed! ExGF said she had grey hairs but I never saw them. She added highlights, which at least with my vision made the few odd grey strands impossible to detect.
I have a grey beard but no grey in my hair. I've considered shaving my beard off to look younger--I grew it 20 years ago to look older--but my hairdresser is adamant I should not, which gives me pause.
Guys are lucky, you get to look "distinguished" with gray hair. Mine is completely, Emmy Lou Harris/Mike Pence white under the brown color, so it has the potential to just make me look like an old lady. But with white going into fushcia I might still look like the punk rocker that I am! I like my current color (which is identical to my original natural color) but it's getting to be so high maintenance now that I have white roots everywhere after only two weeks.
Today, I am also thankful that my youngest son got his second vaccine shot earlier this week. Now all my children are fully vaccinated, I can be a little more relaxed and we can get together.
I like the idea of going to something light and completely different in hair colour and then letting that grow out. I firmly believe that "it's only hair" and also that it can be a great way to express your personality. "Let your freak flag fly" as they used to say.
And if you change your mind, it can grow back or get changed again.
One of my neighbours I know struggled with the decision to let herself go grey and actually just grew it out. It looked rather neat in my own opinion while she did that.
Glad your kids were able to get all vaccinated. That will make everyone more comfortable especially since CMM has a compromised immune system. I'm figuring that it will be the late summer / early fall before I am as I'm still waiting for my first shot and the story these days is that there will be a 3-4 month wait between.
The good news is you’re about 80% protected 2 weeks after that first shot.
my morbidly obese cousin had her first shot. sadly she's having some scary side effects, including a change in her lungs that her dr says is directly related to the shot. but as i said to another cousin, she's in a really tough position. she has so many co-morbidities that not getting vaccinated is simply not an option - diabetes, arthritis, her age (she's only 61 but her body is 20 years older because of her poor health), God knows what else.
i think that whatever you do will be perfectly you, and that fuchsia would look pretty cool.
Great news about your kids getting their vaccine KML. I’m still patiently waiting for mine. I have registered and now they are supposed to be texting me when it’s time to make an appointment online. The vaccine schedule up here currently is basically an age-based strategy as high risk frontline workers and immune compromised people have all been vaccinated. They are in the 60-65 range currently. If all goes was planned, my age group will come up in the second week of May. Not sure if that is the target date for actually being vaccinated or just being able to make an appointment. I am lucky because I live on an island and our numbers are relatively low compared to the rest of the problems. Even though there continues to be cases added to the daily list, overall numbers of active cases keep going down. We are at 350 for almost a million people. That’s not too bad, imo. Hopefully this means the end is in sight.
@DejaVu, in my area, there was a delay between the general populace being able to make an appointment and being able to actually get one. It's 2 weeks in and the nearest appointment is an hour away, and a co-worker who got his had to wait an hour. I'm hoping it'll be less crazy in a week. I figure as long as I get my first shot two weeks before my trip, I'm OK. It's been a year and I don't plan anything risky between now and then.
Yeah...I think that there are a number of determining factors. Brook had his vaccine on Thursday and he is a year younger than me. But...he is a nurse and he lives in a much smaller town than me. I was actually surprised, given his profession, that he hadn’t had his already but I’m pretty sure there have been very few cases in his town so that may have also been a determining factor. I also know someone who didn’t have an appointment but went down to where they were giving out shots and waited around kind of on standby. The vaccine only lasts for so long once it is out of the fridge so if there is a no show or a last minute cancellation, they can fill those spots with anyone who is in the vicinity that wants one. The numbers are still pretty low in my area so I don’t feel like I need to do that. I’m happy just to wait my turn. I still only know a few people in my sphere of friends/acquaintances who have had CV19 so I don’t feel particularly at risk as long as I keep doing what I’ve been doing. Hoping this summer will be relatively “normal”.
Waw, that's good to hear!
As for me it will only be June, children normally after Summer since they are under 18.
Enjoy the planning of some get-togethers! Looking forward to that as well.
Things have been quiet at home and busy at work lately. Got my taxes done and I’m officially on Medicare as of this month! I’m a bit behind on some of my preventive medical care and looking forward to seeing a new primary care doctor and getting things done, now that I am vaccinated and no longer have a $7,000 deductible!
Having a lazy Sunday afternoon, watching a movie while CMM naps next to me. Life in the moment is good.
Still debating whether to attend the large outdoor convert next month that got postponed from last year. If people are masked, and bring vaccinated myself, I feel safe enough. But noticed the crowds at our local baseball game were not masked today (even though it’s advised to still wear masks outdoors in crowds). Definitely don’t want to be sitting in the midst of an unmasked crowd. Not with a vulnerable person at home. Guess I’ll still wait and see how the next month goes.
Haha - finally get Medicare and plan to get a new primary care doctor and get caught up on some preventive care - and the whole system where she works goes down to a ransom ware attack and has been offline for over a week! Cant even make an appointment for the future.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms, and to the dads who have had to step up to the plate and fill mom’s shoes too.
Nice visit with all three of my boys today. We had brunch at my middle son’s apartment.
Sadly, at one point they were all talking about how estranged they feel from their father, and how they admire me for never badmouthing him and trying to put a positive spin on things. (Not something my ex did, apparently).
Happy Mothers Day to you, kml. (:
Was just doing a little cleaning up of my inbox and started back with some very old emails - which include ones from before and during the time of my divorce. Oh my - the gaslighting was some expert level stuff. "Oh poor me, it makes me feel so bad having to divorce (my loving and devoted wife of 24 years)" (paraphrasing of course) "Oh, of COURSE I'm not seeing anyone else, I just can't make you happy so I have to leave" (um, I was perfectly happy except when he was cheating!!! Funny how he immediately started dating one of the women I'd had suspicions about quite some time previously. )
"I hope you had a great time on your weekend" (this, from a few months after he had filed, when I went away, unbeknownst to him, to spend the weekend with a new guy I'd met - who turned out to be FANTASTIC in bed, smart and sweet, and is still my good friend today. I know exH was dying of curiosity but I told him nothing. ) "I'm just enjoying being alone" (Ha! From the extrovert who felt a 20 minute commute to work was too much alone time. Pretty sure he had started dating his current wife by the time this was written.) "I DON'T have depression, I'm just sad about divorcing" (at his instigation).
Honestly - if an outsider read them, they would think "What a nice guy!". I'm glad I kept them - they just remind me what a chump I was, and what a smooth gaslighter he is. I'm sure he tells others about how sad he is his children have abandoned him - even though it's THEM that feel abandoned by him!
An article in NYT Modern Love section about a guy using a point system to screen/evaluate his dates. I did think the questions he asked himself were quite good:
"Before the first date, I try to determine the following: Does he make me laugh via text? Does he live in L.A.? Does he like his job? Is he down to go backpacking? Will he get on the phone?
After the first date, I ask myself: Does he like himself? Is he curious? Is he kind?"
And, at the end of the article, he adds "Does he like me?".
Thanks for sharing. Great questions, except all of my potential dates fail question #2 so far.
KML... Classic gas lighter. Turns things around so him deciding to leave was somehow your fault and it is only because he cared about you that he left. XH did that to me. Presented things in such a way that he leaves you (assuming you have any self worth whatsoever) no choice but to say “you should go”. Forever after the story is... “but you told me to leave.” So glad neither of us are living that life anymore. (((HUGS)))
Me too, DV! Although I never doubted myself - I just thought he wasn’t right in the head!
Yup, Bill Gates was a serial adulterer apparently. Doesn’t surprise me.
I'd heard about the clause in the prenup years ago. And other rumors.
Awww....just got a LinkedIn type invite (but for a different group that is all doctors) from an old med school classmate. As I recall, this is a guy who had asked me out once, but was so sexually flirtatious on the phone before we'd even had a date that I ended up backing out (and my ExH at that exact same moment had approached me). What an idiot I was!
Now he's a successful orthopedist, and still looking darned good! Why on earth did I ever pick my exH over him? I've always regretted backing out of that date. (Honestly, I think it was just a cultural difference - me the pasty white Catholic girl, he was a black athlete from a rougher part of L.A., I just wasn't used to men being quite so sexually direct with me, but I think it was just more of a bravado thing where he came from. I had dated black men before but they were more from the suburbs.)
Of course, this is just a professional contact type thing - he's probably looking for referrals. It just makes me remember, though, what a bad choice I made in my ex. (To be fair, though, I know nothing about this classmate's life - maybe he was a serial cheater too!) He sure is good looking still though.
As I recall, this is a guy who had asked me out once, but was so sexually flirtatious on the phone before we'd even had a date that I ended up backing out
lol. kml, We've all NEXTed people for the most ridiculous reasons when we were young. With age and wisdom, we realize snap judgements are often wrong, and we're dealing with real people.
Besides, you don't know his full story. Maybe he has terrible breath?
Maybe he has terrible breath?
Lol - yeah, that's what I'll tell myself!
Wow - just had a patient leave rather than wear a mask. Note: California still requires masks in indoor public places. And we are a DOCTOR'S OFFICE. Just because she says she's vaccinated doesn't mean A) it's true (people can easily forge the cards) and B) if true, doesn't mean her vaccine took or she couldn't be one of the small (but not zero) percentage of people who have an asymptomatic case despite being vaccinated (look up New York Yankees, Bill Maher). If she sits in my exam room for an hour without a mask, and happens to be shedding the virus, that air is a risk for an unvaccinated patient who comes into the room after her. (Some of my patients can't or won't get vaccinated. Some are immunocompromised and their vaccines may not take.) Aerosols can linger for quite some time in the air.
Really - after all this time, how hard is it to just wear the darned mask in the doctor's office? And almost all of my patients know I have an immunocompromised person in my home. The level of selfishness and disrespect is mindboggling.
I'm proud of the fact that throughout the entire pandemic, we have never had a case of Covid tied to a visit to our office - we have been diligent in our precautionary measures and intend to remain so until true herd immunity has been reached and there are no new dangerous variants threatening that. Really, our patients should feel safe coming to the office and Karens like her are not welcome. Our mask requirement is clearly posted on our front door.
Clearly it’s your office and you can make any rules you’d like. No argument from me there. Thing is you just don’t get it, people are done. They are beyond fed up. They have been for a long time and then when the “experts” can turn on a dime like they have in the past few days, people all wonder and have to think WTF? That moron Fauchi has spoken out of every orifice of his body and contradicted himself five times over since this started - so much so that even Saturday Night Live is spoofing him. When you’ve lost SNL and liberals like Bill Maher, you know you've lost your way - or at least lost your support.
So yes you can set whatever rules inside of your office that you’d like but patients can then respond with their feet and apparently one just did. Doesn’t mean they are right or wrong, or that you are right or wrong, it just means many have had it and are not doing it anymore - and that is their choice. You’ve made your choice, now they are making theirs.
It’s still California state rules as well. It’s illegal for them not to wear a mask in my office. And I’m a scientist , my rules are based on the science. Doctors offices have an obligation to make it as safe as possible for all our patients, some of whom are immunosuppressed. Anybody who cannot be bothered to wear a little mask for the duration of their visit because they’re “tired” of mask wearing is a selfish glassbowl that I am happy to terminate from my practice.
I really am appalled at the selfishness of people btw. Wearing a mask is a small step to take to save lives. We are not to herd immunity yet. What happened to people caring about the health of their neighbors? Doing something in v for other people? No it’s so “ me, me, me” I don’t wanna wear a mask WAAAAAas.
Btw - Bill Maher is a Libertarian bit a liberal - and he got Covid even though he’s vaccinated. He’s not sick (vaccines work) but he can give it to other people. If I got Covuu I d from an unmasked, asymptomatic vaccinated patient, I could give it to my boyfriend (chemo may damage his immune response to the vaccine) and to unvaccinated and immunosupresssd patients. FFS a mask is a simple thing to do for your fellow man.
Libertarian NOT a liberal.
I really am appalled at the selfishness of people btw. Wearing a mask is a small step to take to save lives. We are not to herd immunity yet. What happened to people caring about the health of their neighbors? Doing something in v for other people? No it’s so “ me, me, me” I don’t wanna wear a mask WAAAAAas.
Sadly, I think people caring about others, in general, is over. Now, I'm not saying that no one still cares about others because that is ridiculous, but in today's society, people in general, tend to be much more concerned with #1. I see your points and I continue to wear my mask when I go in places. Arkansas never had a mask law, but we did have a mandate and you want to talk about a bunch of rednecks screaming about rights. We even had law enforcement publicly coming out and saying they weren't wasting their d@mn time correcting non-maskers. Ok, fine...it is a mandate. People can choose. I chose to wear one and still choose to do so when I go places like Walmart because, though I am fully vaccinated, a great percentage of people in my area are not and won't ever be. We are still required to wear them at work as well, so again, I wear it except when I am in my office, by myself, with the door closed. My mother in law had a couple of appointments yesterday at one of the larger hospitals in our state and I took her. During the pandemic, I was never allowed to go in with her to assist her and push her around in a wheelchair, but with loosening restrictions, yesterday I was allowed to go in. We were stopped at the door, temp checked and though we both already had masks on, we were given another one and told to either exchange it for the one we were wearing or put it on over the one we were wearing. I just put it on over the one I already had on because I didn't want to stick that one in my pocket then put it back on my face later.
I see Don's point too, though. People are fed up and even experts seem to contradict themselves, so people just don't know what to believe. People have a right to choose. While I always did and will continue to wear a mask in large crowds, at least for the time being, I recognize that others have the right to choose not to since Arkansas no longer has any type of mandate in place requiring it. I think that this is a debate that will continue forever, but the underlying thing is that people tend to only be concerned with themselves and what directly affects them, so they aren't thinking about masking for others because it just doesn't affect them personally. That is MY take on it anyway and I'm sure others have different ideas.
Traveling to rural Washington, I’m baffled by the inconsistent policies. On my plane the flight crew said no masks needed eating or drinking. The person next to me pulled up her mask a dozen times for 5-seconds to take bites. The person behind me took theirs off for 20-30 minutes while his drink was in front of him.
At shops, people wear masks at the work counters, but not when stepping out to chat with guests.
***
The etiquette has gotten complicated since the CDC said no mask is required outdoors if you’re vaccinated. Since, of course, there’s no way to tell, and those against vaccines now also take their masks off.
Everyone I’ve spent time with 1:1 outdoors since that change has wanted marks off (mask fatigue) either because they’d been double vaccinated (80%) or they’re against vaccinations (20%). Usually, when my area’s locals remove their mask, they stare their vaccination status. The 20% who I know well enough tell me when they’re pushed to answer they claim to be double vaccinated to play the new legal game since they see COVID as a bad flu that’s been overblown. The 80% is highly offended when they hear this
What are your thought on this policy change? Is the risk of outside transmission just so low the CDC isn’t concerned?
PS - The elderly seem to be an exception. Anyone I know from either group is cautious around the elderly.
Outside transmission risk is low. I’d still wear a mask in a crowd (like an outdoor concert) but if you’re going for a run in a relatively uncrowded park and you’re vaccinated (and not high risk) you’re pretty safe.
The problem with the new CDC guidance is that it depends upon unvaccinated people to continue to wear masks in indoor spaces - and yet, most people who aren’t vaccinated by now are exactly the kind of people who won’t wear their masks either.
Getting together with a few friends who have all been vaccinated is pretty safe. But I sit with patients all data long in a small exam room, some of whom are not vaccinated. So that 10% risk of vaccinated people getting an asymptomatic infection is a health hazard to my patients if I or my staff contract the virus. Aerosol transmission of the virus has been shown and aerosols can linger in the air for a long time . ( Yes, I run a HEPA filter in the exam room but it’s not perfect, and other public spaces like the waiting room don’t have special filtration, although we keep it uncrowded.
For everybody else - I’d still wear your mask in the shops until we reach actual herd immunity. Too many unvaccinated people out there who won’t comply with the recommendations.
And btw, my recommendations are not because you, as a healthy vaccinated person, will get dangerously sick if you contract the virus - you won’t. And the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines are 90% effective against even asymptomatic infection. It’s that remaining 10% asymptomatic infection risk and the role that it can play in transmission that is my concern. In a doctor’s office, it’s a very valid concern. And incredibly disrespectful to refuse to put a mask in when asked to do so in a doctors office.
Thinking a little more about the choices we make in our 20's. Seeing my nieces in their 20's and their dating issues sure brings it up. Fortunately my youngest niece has the clearest vision, I think. She's seeing that her current boyfriend, a college student, is not sufficiently mature. Apparently he just cried for 4 hours about a failed math test, spoke with his teacher a couple of days later who gave him a way forward to pass the class but that will require him to buckle down and work, and instead he's missing other homework that was due and traveling out of state to visit his grandmother! My hardworking niece is definitely NOT impressed.
Personally I think that today's crop of kids aren't nearly as independent and capable of dealing with setbacks as we were - but I'm sure every generation believes that. From the stories that Dawn has written in the past about some of her students, the accountability just isn't there for quite a few of them - they expect an easy ride with padded bumpers if they fall.
My own kids have had perhaps an easier ride than they might have otherwise I know. Our "boomer" generation has been mocking the "millennials" for quite some time about their lack of ambition and overly sensitive feelings.
Again - I'm sure there are lots of great young people out there who grip the future firmly and are able to deal with setbacks.
It does raise the differences around dating in your 20s vs later in life. In your 20s you are I expect more flexible and able to shape your life around a potential partner - for good or ill. The amount of baggage to be dealt with is pretty small in comparison. You have your immediate family, a budding career perhaps. Later in life, there's kids, property, ex-partner, career plus the habits and practices of a lifetime.
On the other hand - that person you choose in your 20's to be your spouse is going to have a HUGE effect on your life - kids, career choices, financial choices. While the partner we might choose at our ages has less effect on those things - we already HAVE a life, and are just looking for a companion to add to that. Yes, we bring baggage, but we also bring more self-knowledge if we're lucky.
I think my niece's boyfriend is just really immature, and perhaps a bit spoiled. I know he lives in a house his mother bought for him. Now, sometimes that's just a good investment on the part of the parents, as their kids' college buddies can pay rent and help pay off an investment property. I don't know more about his parents but he could be a kid who is not accustomed to having to work hard.
My niece has worked since she was a teen, saved her money to buy her nice car, is just finishing dental assistant school and has two job offers already. She comes from a really difficult background - her biological mother was a drug addict, she was born with a serious congenital heart defect (which will likely mean she will need a heart transplant in her 30's or 40's). She was bumped around in the system until my sister adopted her at age 7. She has struggled with some learning difficulties secondary to her cardiac disease and her not receiving her second surgery when she was supposed to as a toddler (although she's a very bright girl with great people skills). She's beautiful and sweet and a great interior decorator. She really would probably be better suited to a boyfriend who is a few years older, as she is very mature for her age and should have someone who is equally responsible.
Her older sister (my biological niece) is prone to falling for guys who are avoidant or unavailable (as was her worthless sperm donor father) and recently called me up all excited because she had found proof that the last boyfriend had indeed been gaslighting her and had been seeing another woman before they broke up. I'm sure she's passing up lots of very nice and available young men who would love to be with her, to chase these "challenging" guys. I recognize the pattern because I was her at that age.
Question for you men on the dating sites. I’m on a FB page for women growing their gray hair out (thinking about doing it myself, not ready yet though).
Women post pictures of themselves and their progress, and I notice a lot of them use filters that basically remove wrinkles and even out their skin tone. This of course has the effect of making them look younger than they really are.
I’m wondering if you’re encountering this in online profiles now? Can you tell when it’s filtered? (The giveaway is no crows feet and unnaturally even skin tone. )
Hey KML,
A friend of mine is OLD and he shares many profile pics. It is pretty easy to tell filtered photos. Especially when a 50+ has the face of a 25 year old.
Hmmm... I’m 53 and don’t have any wrinkles with the exception of one “concern line” (the consequence of being a counsellor for 30 years) in the middle of my forehead that I hide with bangs. I’d rather have crow’s feet. I think they make people look friendly.
Yeah - there’s something creepy about these filtered faces with no smile lines.
I’m 51 and don’t have wrinkles because I’m fat and “fat don’t crack”. My face looks very much like it did 20 or 30 years ago. The filters, to me, are typically obvious around the eyes, especially if the eye color is particularly bright or vivid. I just don’t get it.
My sister’s friend was moved to the ICU yesterday and put on a ventilator. He neglected to get vaccinated - we don’t know whether he just thought his risk of contracting it was low because he worked from home, or whether right wing misinformation affected him. He could have been vaccinated months ago, and is high risk because he’s in his fifties with a history of heart disease. He didn’t get tested until a week or more into symptoms, because he was in denial (“it’s just a cold”) so he missed his opportunity to be rescued by monoclonal antibodies like Trump had (they work best given really early). These cases are so heartbreaking now because they are totally preventable. There are still over 500 people dying each day in the US from Covid - that’s two jet planes clashing daily, and most of those deaths could have been prevented with the vaccine , which is now readily available. Tell your friends and family, don’t wait - vaccinate!
So sad KML. I got my vaccine last week and was so happy, My kids are getting their’s on June 2nd, the misinformation out there is ridiculous. It’s sad.
A middle school student in my sister's school just lost his mother to Covid. Get vaccinated people. And I'd suggest you keep wearing your masks in indoor public spaces.
He didn’t get tested until a week or more into symptoms, because he was in denial (“it’s just a cold”) so he missed his opportunity to be rescued by monoclonal antibodies
My 2nd dose is on Wednesday! I'm sorry you're facing so much of this firsthand and through family/friends. His case sounds very sad. I wonder how much his symptoms aligned with a COVID presentation as we've been told to watch for--dry coughs, fever, and loss of taste as opposed to a cold's wet sniffles and sneezes.
Pretty much anybody who thinks they have a "cold" or "just a virus" right now should get tested for Covid, because the rates of influenza and ordinary colds are extremely low due to Covid precautions. Monoclonal antibodies work best in the first 72 hours after symptoms and are not helpful after ten days, so timely testing for high risk patients who might qualify for monoclonal antibody treatment is essential. People need to realize this virus is not gone, and we need to get enough people vaccinated to achieve herd immunity.
Pretty much anybody who thinks they have a "cold" or "just a virus" right now should get tested for Covid, because the rates of influenza and ordinary colds are extremely low due to Covid precautions.
Good to know. I ignored getting sniffles shortly after my 1st shot because it's a common side effect of both the vaccine and the endurance work I was doing. I'll get tested if I get cold-like symptoms again!
Well, my sister's friend who was put on a ventilator this week for Covid has died. He could have gotten vaccinated any time in the last 3 months but didn't. He leaves behind a teenage son and wife. Please get vaccinated folks.
That's so sad to hear, kml, when he was in a high risk category and could've gotten vaccinated or tested. I guess the obstacles to vaccination just now are: (a) Many assess the vaccine as more dangerous than COVID--especially if they "had COVID before", and (b) The logistics are wonky. Multiple agencies are trying to schedule vaccinations. I was told my recollection was wrong and scheduled for the wrong 2nd vaccine. Fortunately, I proved their error.
People are really piss poor at judging risk. The risk of a life threatening reaction to the vaccine is on the order of getting struck by lightning - your risk of dying from taking a dose of penicillin is higher. Versus the risk of dying from Covid, which is 1 in 200 for the total population, but increases with age and risk factors - about 3-5% for people in their 60's, for instance. Would you get on an airplane if I told you there was a 1 in 100 chance it would crash today - or a 1 in 20 chance if you're older?
And while yes, people with risk factors are more likely to die, some people - even young people - appear to have genetic or other quirks making them especially susceptible, and most would not know this. (They have studied families with high Covid death rates and found some candidate minor mutations in interferon genes, for example. Silent ticking time bombs that cause no symptoms but predispose to severe Covid.)
As for people who have had Covid before - unfortunately, people can and do get Covid twice. The immunity from the vaccine seems to be stronger and longer lasting than immunity from the infection, so they are vaccinating people as early as 2 months after a Covid infection. However, the science does suggest that they might be fine with a single vaccine shot, as their antibodies after one shot are as high as others after two shots. This is not official policy yet though as this is based on preliminary data.
So sorry to hear about your sister’s friend KML. Very, very sad. Not an anomaly, I’m afraid. I read a story the other day about a 30 year old Texan who decided to go to a “Covid” party (party with someone who has been diagnosed) so they could prove that Covid is a hoax. He realized he made a stupid mistake the day before he died after being put on a ventilator.
I agree...people are really poor at judging risk. I think one of the main reasons is that so many people these days rely on “sound bites” or headlines to make their decisions. They don’t really research and even when they do, they aren’t great at discerning reputable sources from disreputable ones. This combined with an ever-growing distrust in authority and large organizations in general...it’s a deadly combination. TDH was a classic example. Not a stupid person, by any stretch of the imagination, but super distrusting of anything mainstream.
I also think that Al Gore nailed it when he entitled his documentary “The Uncomfortable Truth”. People don’t want to face things that may cause them to have to live their life in a different way so they dismiss it. Just look at all the anti-maskers. Classic example of that.
Anyway...the good news is that the vast majority of people are doing their part. My area has over 50% vaccinated and we are now down to the single digits in new cases. Three weeks ago, we were seeing 30-40 new cases a day. Yesterday was nine, the day before eight and the day before that three. We are getting there. Hoping for an almost normal summer!!! Okay...back to packing. (((HUGS)))
So sorry to hear about your sister’s friend KML. Very, very sad. Not an anomaly, I’m afraid. I read a story the other day about a 30 year old Texan who decided to go to a “Covid” party (party with someone who has been diagnosed) so they could prove that Covid is a hoax. He realized he made a stupid mistake the day before he died after being put on a ventilator.)))
Any way you look at it, it’s really really stupid for anyone to purposely put themselves at risk like this. Just stupid. But let’s keep it in perspective. Multiple news outlets including the New York Times could not verify this reported story after multiple attempts even with the hospital and the patients family. They cast serious doubt it’s accurate and debunked other reports of “covid parties” as false. So keep that in mind. Next, at least in my state, less than 2% of people in the 30 age group are even hospitalized, 98% are not. Then 0.00023 in this age group have died (23 deaths out of 113,827 cases). So if you’re 30 and die of covid you either have really bad luck or serious already existing conditions. I’m not going to avoid living because of a 0.00023 percent chance of dying. That’s just crazy.
Let me be clear, if this guy really did try to purposely get infected, that was very stupid on his part but perpetuating and skewing the statistics to try to continue to fear monger is just as bad. People are thinking covid is a hoax due in part to these one off stories that likely are not even true. Then when they find out it’s not true they really think it is a hoax - which it is not, it’s very real. It’s just not killing 30 year olds by the score. 80 and 90 year olds yes (13.4% and 24.4% death rate in my state) but not those under 30 with 26 total deaths out of over 200,000 cases! Let’s just keep it real. And BTW 50% vaccination rates seem to be the norm pretty much everywhere. We’ve gone from people begging to get vaccinated to officials begging people to now get vaccinated. It may be a struggle to get to the 70% goal and all of the misinformation, lies, and fake news by all sorts of people regardless of politics isn’t helping.
As for people who have had Covid before - unfortunately, people can and do get Covid twice. The immunity from the vaccine seems to be stronger and longer lasting than immunity from the infection, so they are vaccinating people as early as 2 months after a Covid infection. However, the science does suggest that they might be fine with a single vaccine shot, as their antibodies after one shot are as high as others after two shots. This is not official policy yet though as this is based on preliminary data.
The real problem is post covid or long haulers.
There is no allowable treatment for covid or long haulers and I think it is much more likely to get long haul covid than getting covid twice.
The tests are unreliable and not too many doctors really know too much about what is really going on.
If we had some way to treat it, then getting the vaccine would not be so bad.
We need to push through the anti-virals or some other treatment method.
My hero nurse still has long haul covid and went from hero nurse to zero nurse but she is still a hero to me.
Long haul Covid is a terrible problem - another reason to get vaccinated. I had a perfectly healthy 35 year old woman with no risk factors and a mild outpatient case who couldn’t work for a year, was so fatigued and cognitively impaired they had to move in with her parents to help care for her kids. My business partners 30 year old son is also a long hauler, although he’s milder and is improving after a year. People who think “ oh, it’s only got a 1 in 200 chance of killing me” have no idea the other havoc it can cause, even in young healthy people with mild cases.
I’ve followed a FB group of long haulers. The most helpful intervention seems to be a low histamine diet with H1 and H 2 antihistamines - doesn’t works for everybody, of course. Some develop autoimmune disorders like lupus. Some have cardiac disease that only shows up on cardiac mri. Some develop POTS or small fiber neuropathy.
I have a good friend I used to work with who is mid-30's and fairly healthy, eats right, exercises. She is a long hauler and it has her nearly completely debilitated. She hasn't worked in nearly a year and can't even carry out basic tasks like grocery shopping without assistance because she gets so worn out. More often than not, her husband has to help her shower and attend to her own basic needs. She has always been pretty healthy, but does have a few allergies, but this has done a long-lasting number on her. Probably the saddest part was that she got pregnant before she caught Covid and ultimately miscarried and now they can't try again because she's too sick. Hopefully, they will eventually be able to, but for now, that is not even a consideration. Just sad. If stories like that are not enough to make folks want to get vaccinated, I don't know what is.