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Keep f*%king goingToday marks 13 years from when my ex told me he wanted a divorce and he left the night he dropped the bomb. No Im house separation, no second thoughts, no forewarning, it was simply the end of my marriage and my family as I knew it. He was planning to go live at his sisters that night , but I called my dad to come get me and my daughter. I scooped up my sleeping baby girl and we never spent another night under the same roof again.
And here I am 13 years later, with a 13 year old daughter, who happened to be born on the 13th! Must be my lucky number.
This day doesnt really affect me anymore. I mean, it does for a second, because I always remember it, because Im one of those weird people who remembers the date to everything. I think there is actually a name for that.
Which brings my to URs post. I still have dark moments. Crazy thoughts still come in my head from time to time like the one about what a man who did what he did thinks. Its a dark thought that crept in. I know it doesnt define my worthiness or what I think of myself. Those thoughts thankfully leave as quick as they come. I did have a dream that brought that on. I think it was couples with the fact they will be celebrating their anniversary on April fools day.
Am I ready to date? I dont know. I actually think I am a more emotionally healthy person than most people I know and they are coupled. But perhaps what I want to attract is a higher degree of emotional intelligence and maybe Im not putting that out there yet. For now, I do continue to do what I can with friends, keep exercising, working on my house, and doing what I can. If someone wants to hook me up, and I am quite flattered my friends came to me wanting to hook me and one wants to hook me up with her best friend Ss who passed away a husband. Thats pretty humbling.
I dont know that I am ready for the mean cruel world of online dating though. But I dont know I am always a work in progress and forward moving even if I still have dark thoughts. I am honestly scared to date. I dont know if I have the energy anymore to put into dating what I want to get out of it. I also know I want to move in 4 years. But I also know I am so lonely for a partner and intimacy. Its a tough one alright.
My cousin sent me videos our other cousin had of me and my mom. I have never seen a video of us before. And in this one, my my has her arm around me, she smiling and laughing and we gave eachother a kiss. And I lost it. I havent cried about her in a long time, quite honestly. Sadly, my memories of my mom are not all that loving. But this made me remember what was really deep down in her soul. She did love me. She was just too broken.
Anyways, I have my dad and his wife coming to stay with me for a week on Thursday. Please pray for my sanity, lol.
I never mention today to anyone IRL what today is on the calendar and how my life as I knew completely blew up 13 years ago. But man am I proud, because I couldnt see myself making it to 13 years later. And here I am
(((G)))
I read this a day or so ago and I'm sorry I haven't responded before now, but life has been seriously crazy at work and at home.
Your question about if you are ready to date and your honest answer of I don't know is what prompted me to respond. I would lean toward the cautious side and say if you honestly don't know if you are ready then you are really NOT ready. I may be wrong in that, but I would think if you were truly ready, you would know. You KNOW comparing yourself and your life to others is not good for you, so I caution you to not do that. Look at your own life. Divorce [censored], being single [censored], but you have been single and been a great mom to a wonderful teenager and you are a total rock star.
I like that you can recognize that you have dark thoughts, but that you also realize your worth. I think that is a healthy balance and a much-needed perspective when you start seeking out a partner. Just don't settle. You are way too rock star to settle for a one hit wonder.
Hi dawn! I do think Im ready to be in a relationship . Im never going to be perfect. Im never going to not have these fleeting dark thoughts I get sometimes. Im always going to have some scars from all that has happened. But my reaction to them is whats important. Tolerating being treated less than is no longer an option. Being third fiddle and somebody to just occupy someones free time is not OK with me. I am not a void filler anymore. I want to be treated with respect. And I just wont settle for any less than that again. I still have my soft side, I will still be giving and loving to someone who doesnt abuse that. Thats just who I am. But Im done giving everything to receive not much in return.
The dating aspect to get there is daunting to me. Ive gotten comfortable not going through those motions. Most people seem to not have to go through it as much as I do and some pretty good fortune earlier on. I just keep thinking about going through months and months of talking to strangers trying to find a decent guy and I get exhausted.
Tough spot to be in for sure . But Im almost 41. Im never going to be in this picture perfect place to date. I just cannot do it from a bad place which I am not in right now. Im in a good place. Many people have partners and healthy relationships and those people have their issues and demons. Its how they handle them and let them affect their relationships. I am finally past that place I believe. I can have a healthy relationship if I dont let those demons control my relationships.
Still havent been able to pull the trigger and set up my online profile. But I have been trying to take some new pictures and see what happens
You imagine it taking months and months of dating to find a decent guy.
Do you know what youre looking for? In online dating, a study found one inch (58 -> 59) to be worth $40,000 in income for a guys desirability! Our default feelings can be shallow. I think Im honing in on my values in a partner: determination, loyalty, family-focus, good secand what else must be present (6+/10 attractive, emotionally stable, feel good around them, bring out my good side). I hope this helps me override chemistry a bit and be slower to lock in someone hot without these attributes, or give a second and third date to someone not as hot who fits all of them.
I realize Im at 2.5 months single out of my goal of 5 months single vs. how much time youve taken to self-reflect, so maybe this was already obvious to you. What made me wonder is in a previous post you said anybody you added to your life would have to be really great, and you mentioned holding out for someone incredible. If youre a happy person with no void to fill, theyd have to good as good as they get, but would they need to be incredible?
We might have different definitions of incredible. Incredible means a great heart, giving and respectful with a good moral standing. Thats incredible to me. Holding out for someone who sees me as an equal and wants to give what he gets.
Attractiveness for me is determined on who the person is on the inside. I cannot rate a mans attractiveness on a numeric scale. Personality qualities actually changes
Outward appearance for me. Someone who isnt considered conventionally attractive can be in my eyes if they are a good man. Someone who is a cr@p person but conventionally physically attractive will actually become physically unattractive to me.
And height doesnt matter to me probably because Im short . A decent income is important to me because I have one and I do need someone who can pull their own weight financially. Not pull my weight, but pull their own. Ive made more than most of my partners and I have been fine with that, because I dont need anyone to support me and I didnt have to support them.
So my definition of incredible is probably a lot different than most
Hi G,
I always read along. Stopping by to say hang in there. Glad you and D are healthy.
Sorry I have not commented sooner Ginger. (((HUGS))). Im a date person too. I can also appreciate your perspective on having dark thoughts from time to time. I am definitely guilty of that myself for sure. Ive gotten good at putting the brakes on when I feel myself start to spiral a bit. I know you have worked a lot on that as well. Ever since I agreed to sell my half of the house to XH and OW, I have had to do that a fair amount. I remember thinking at BD that there was no way I would ever allow OW to take over my life to the extent that she would move into my home and life would go on as if I hadnt existed. That was just too much for me to take back then which is why I never even considered allowing XH to buy me out back then. But that was over two years ago and it is amazing how perspective can shift and other things become more important. Not gonna lie, it does still sting a tiny bit when I think about them living in my home but I quickly shift my focus to the joy my kids are feeling at not having to leave their home...and that is more important to me than anything. You have been an inspiration in that regard as you always find a way to manage your feelings and put D13 first. Many people in your position would not be able to do this but you have created a good coparenting relationship with XH despite having to have a front row seat to his marriage to OW. You have a strength of character that not many people have and I hope you recognize it because certainly the rest of us do.
RE: online dating. Maybe it would be easier to deal with if you treated it as just another activity to engage in when youve got nothing better to do? I think it becomes exhausting when you attach a lot of hope and expectations to it. When you view it as just another game on your phone you can choose to play or not play, it may seem less onerous. IDK...Im sure others have some thoughts around this that they can share with you. Anyway....just wanted to lend you my support and let you know I am thinking of you.
BTW...42 is YOUNG!!!! Youve got so many adventures still to come!! (((HUGS)))
This quote made me think of you.
Success in any endeavor in life comes down to your actions and the strategies that you use to optimize your personal and professional life, so you can achieve your grandest goals and dreams in the shortest time possible. Whatever you focus on tends to expand. Thats why its always best, when things seem hopeless, that you focus on what you must do each and every day before you go to sleep at night. Bad times never last forever. They sometimes may even last several years, but with an emotionally compelling vision of what you want to create for your life, an action plan to make it happen and the willingness to constantly change and adapt your approach, as you learn to optimize your results after each failure, eventually with enough time and repetition, you will finally succeed. Time is going to pass no matter what. So, its always better to be grinding towards your grandest goals and dreams. ~ Coach Corey Wayne
Ever since I agreed to sell my half of the house to XH and OW, I have had to do that a fair amount. I remember thinking at BD that there was no way I would ever allow OW to take over my life to the extent that she would move into my home and life would go on as if I hadnt existed. That was just too much for me to take back then which is why I never even considered allowing XH to buy me out back then. But that was over two years ago and it is amazing how perspective can shift and other things become more important. Not gonna lie, it does still sting a tiny bit when I think about them living in my home but I quickly shift my focus to the joy my kids are feeling at not having to leave their home...and that is more important to me than anything.
DejaVu - if it helps any, imagine how OW feels about moving into the home that YOU shared with your ex for so long, and in with the MIL who is so close to you! I'd be mighty uncomfortable if I was in her shoes!!
Hi Ginger1. I've been D 5 months, and put myself online 2 months ago. Xh left us for ow/xg. And MLc/was. My time to move on.
I'm 49 girl! You're young! For me, online meeting, is more of a distraction, fun. As always, zero expectations right? Like DejaVu said, think of it another game on your phone/computer.
It's just a way to make a friendship. Start with that.
Good luck girl!!
(((Hugs )))) to you mama. Cheers to you for being where you are today.
As I always say, you have to do what feels right for you, so if you are ready, you are ready and I wish you all the best. I think you are fabulous and I wish I could give you the ability to see yourself through the eyes of others so that you would realize how much you have to offer someone. I know it means absolutely nothing, but your time is coming. I have been reminded continually lately that things happen on the divine schedule for our life, not our own. It is a hard thing to face, but it is true. We can makes plans all day long, but the cosmic plan is what actually controls what happens. I'm not a particularly religious person, but this has been made painfully obvious to me in the past month or so.
Hang in there, girl! You are in my positive thoughts and prayers always.
Hey! Thanks for the kind words. I really do think Im awesome. Self doubt I think is just ingrained in me from no certainly and never being good enough to those I loved. But I am good enough for me.
I did actually decide to dip my toe in online dating. And well, I hate it. I just cant seem to stand it anymore. It yields zero pleasure for me, lol. Im chatting with a guy, but I dunno. I would rather be concentrating on my subtitled series about Orthodox Jews. Thats sad. I dont like the process of getting to know random strangers . I can talk anyone up, Ill make small talk. with random people, but getting to know someone I dont know from a hole in the wall to see if I would enjoy dating then has become a personal he!! For me. My tolerance for it is gone. So my alternative is to not do it and just be alone. Im at least relieved to know my updated pictures still get attention. But I just cant do this anymore. Too many years of it, with no good outcomes. I did enjoy half of the year I had with M, other than that, I havent had any success in many years of online dating. I also see a lot of the same faces, surprisingly enough in my very densely populated region. Maybe I just need to ride out the high school years and see what happens when I move. My life is flying by me. I havent had a 20+ something married life here like most. I have spent majority of my adult hood as a single mother . Its tough and lonely, but it is what it is.
In other news, my ex is p*ssing me off. Its been a while. 2 incomes in that household, one of a lawyer ( which apparently makes no money) and taking my daughter 2 weeks to Hawaii, then Myrtle beach, and he is broke . I told D13 we will try and get her contacts again this week, because she is back in swimming class and cant see anything. And with the activities in Hawaii, I wanted her to be able to see! Didnt ask the ex. Just told her to give me the number of eye place. He told our daughter he was broke and cant afford her half now. WHAT?!? His half is maybe $75? And he cant afford it , but he has a time share to take out kid on extravagant vacations? Im p*ssed. I just told D 13 I will pay, I am not going to let her go without because he cant pay his half. What else am I going to do? Legally divorced almost 12 years, and I never ONCE made an adjustment to child support. He almost started in on me getting the child credit for D13, but I think he thought twice that wouldnt be a smart move. I pay just about everything for this kid on $176 biweekly. And she is not a cheap kid to have, lol. I have one income coming into this home. Some days I just dont get it. Im just going to be right by my daughter and move on. Maybe he fell into some awful financial hardship. I dont know.
In good news, I got some praise at my second job, which was nice. Going to FL in less than 2 weeks. My unit at work starts the biggest loser challenge tomorrow, so perhaps a little motivation there.
And I survived a week my dad and his wife living here. Everything my dad thought needed to be fixed, he broke trying to fix it. But hes good for hiring someone to fix the stuff. D13 goes back to school 5 days next week, although not full days, but I think it will be good for her.
Oh, and I took D14 and her friend to her first swim class ( its a skills class, my kid is such a good swimmer) and a hot dad was chatting me and my friends mom up ( shes much older and married). He made sure to mention his EX WIFE, however, I am an idiot and I was dressed like a teenage boy in sweats, a hoodie, and a baseball cap with no makeup. Im pretty sure he wasnt into me. But man, he was GOOD LOOKING and a good conversationalist and lives in the town I work in. Next time I go, Ill have to try to look half decent. I was trying to squeeze the fact I was divorced too in there, but D13s friends mom wouldnt shut up, lol.
And thats that
Love it! Single Dad at swim class! That's great! I see an after class outing in your future! Be ready to be spontaneous and say YES when it happens. Even if the kids are there, and your married friend, it's still an outing. (If your area permits it).
Ps- which island in Hawaii? That's my state
None of this surprises me G. In fact I may have predicted it a few years ago when you were still rather optimistic about the whole OLD thing. I honestly think its a normal and healthy reaction. I hit this same wall myself and could not imagine trying OLD again without totally forcing myself into it. Of course you are seeing the same faces from years ago. Thats part of the craziness of the land of misfit toys that is OLD. Look here how many people try OLD when they clearly are not ready. We see it, we tell them, but they do,it anyway. Some pull out on their own, others go on some dates. But the people talking to or meeting them could be very much like you (or me) hoping to meet a healthy, ready and emotional stable and available person. What we get is something totally different. Many on OLD are not looking for what you are. Not even talking hook ups or players but just those going through the motions and not really committed to finding a real R. Ive said all of this before. Yes there are SOME OLD who are as advertised but they are the huge exception rather than the norm.
Treating it like CanBird does is certainly an option but also difficult. You have expectations and desires and the chance of those being met OLD are slim. And I fear its gotten even worse over the years. So I Can totally understand how you feel and how you got here.
So I totally support giving up OLD. But that doesnt mean giving up totally. The in person meeting could work for you but yes you have to be ready for them. If youve gotten in the mode of not trying at all, that could bight you - like it did with hot dad. Ive heard the dating experts talk about this exact thing - how you have to clean up even going to the store because you never know who you might meet. Then TRY in person. Dont assume hot dad would have no interest in you. Why would that be the case? Thats in your head. Get it out. Be flirty. Be fun. Keep The Who cares attitude but show you are available and interested.
Its hard to keep trying. It really is. But giving up OLD does not mean giving up. Do things with friends. Keep going out like you are just spend a few minutes getting ready and then be your fun, flirty self and be approachable. Give off the signals that let guys know youd be open to being asked out. If they get the stay away or not interested vibe they wont try. Im a guy, I know this. Guys can tell when a woman has no interest in being approached and who wants to get shot down. Crack that door open and guys will approach you.
my kid is such a good swimmer
Let me know when she joins a swim team.
I know two people that would come watch her swim.
Cadet! Believe it or not, my kid is going to HIGH SCHOOL in September! And she is going to join the swim team. She would love to have you guys come cheer her on!
OLD is no longer for me I think. I just burnt myself out of. At least in this area I have. But I know I shouldnt give up in general. Ive met more people in the wild than I have online and maybe one day that will happen for me. And yes, I definitely need to stop going out and about looking like a little boy, lol. Decent clothes, my hair done and a touch of make up Im sure would go a long way. Maybe HOT swim dad will notice. Unfortunately due to my vacation and skipping this weekend with Easter, Ex will take her next. Im going to have him drop the fact he is my EX husband so he doesnt think Im married, lol.
Today, April fools. Is the ex and his wifes 10th wedding anniversary. I read newcomers and everyone ensures the affair will burn out. Yeah, there is no guarantee in that clearly. I seriously sit back and realize how strong I am. I endured the pain of my ex leaving me with an infant for another woman. And then while I just kind of wait for that yo fizzle out it never does and I have to deal with this woman becoming a parental figure to my baby girl. I swear, every that happened has been so gut wrenching. And right there in my face for my kids lifetime. Some days I am seriously in awe about what I have mentally and emotionally survived.
D FaceTimed then last night to show them her new braces. Then she told them Im getting her a haircut today. And contacts on Monday and he says mom takes really good care of you why yea, yes I do. Hes never said that. He didnt say that to me, he said it to her, but while he sits there living his life doing his thing, I am indeed taking fantastic care of our daughter.
I read newcomers and everyone ensures the affair will burn out. Yeah, there is no guarantee in that clearly.
Yep - I certainly bought into that too. 5 years now. There are days that I consider feeling sorry for OM in being stuck with her - but nope.
As you have witnessed though - it's an uncomfortable life they lead and not the shiny one that gets projected. In part because they are the sort of crappy people who will cheat on a partner I'm sure. Given the rumours that swirl around my ex's potential past affairs and the fact that she has poor boundaries and is very very flirty when she has anything much to drink, I'm sure that OM is often wondering what she's up to when she's not underfoot. Or perhaps not - no way to know.
Nice that you are thinking of stepping up your game in day to day interactions. I know that I've let myself slide a bit in recent times too wearing sweats when I'm going to pick up the mail. I found it helpful when I was flirting to have my stock complaint about my adult son moving in with me "when his mother is a much better cook". Establishes immediately that I'm single in a non-threatening way rather than "Hi - I'm divorced - want to get naked?" - which might work for you - but probably not for me
((Ginger1))
Youve done an amazing job, and are way stronger than I could have been.
As for ways to meet men IRL - when my ex first left,
I noticed something. Men never used to flirt with me when I was in dutiful wife mode. But when I was in Im not giving up, my ex doesnt know what hes lost mode, all of a sudden men were flirting with me everywhere. I wasnt even dressing differently. It had to do with how I carried myself. I noticed men and they, in turn, noticed me.
Also, once the pandemic passes, we have to get you involved in some singles meetups or social activities where singles will be.
Ginger,
You have done an amazing job raising your daughter and doing things for yourself on a "single" parent income. Your xh is a fool, but a smart fool. He knows that if he says he's broke, you'll pick up the tab. This will never change. Keep being the amazing mother that you are. Your daughter will remember all that you have done for her as she walks her path in life.
I still say that when you least expect it, Mr. Right will cross your path. Keep being the person that you are and one day very soon Mr. Right will come along.
BTW, I can't believe that your daughter will be in high school next year. Time sure doesn't stand still.
Be proud of all that you have accomplished!
Cadet! Believe it or not, my kid is going to HIGH SCHOOL in September! And she is going to join the swim team. She would love to have you guys come cheer her on!
Sounds good.
Being that my daughter now lives in Clark, I think we will figure out how to work that out.
Of course the world needs to get back to normal in the next amount of years but I look forward to that too.
I will root her on, too!!! And high school???? How the heck did that happen?
I know! High school! And yesterday was the first time she got dropped off at the mall with a friend for a shopping trip with no adults . I cant believe this! Definitely growing up.
Last night ex came to pick up D from my house after a party. He had to come in and pee. He was definitely drunk as he pulled a flask out of his jacket ( his wife was driving). He decided to have a discussion with D in front of me about anniversary gifts and him getting her Mac book air for the titanium wedding anniversary or whatever. He went to to the bathroom and D 13 says to me I guess thats why he is broke and cant afford his half of my contacts
They left and I just cried. And cried. I dont know why. But I did.
Im at work today and Im fine. Im happy Im working this weekend, believe it or not. Im off Monday and getting some testing done on Monday. I saw a doctor about my inability to lose weight. She took one look at me and diagnosed me with insulin resistance just by looking at my neck. Official diagnosis to follow after a 3 hour glucose tolerance test Monday. Shes a special metabolic doctor. It boils down to Im pretty much going to have to eliminate carbs and sugar. My body cant process them even if Im in a calorie deficit ( which Ive been doing for a few months now and sticking to it) but I have to do what I have to do. She was a really sweet doctor and we were talking about being a mother to teenage girls. She believes if I follow what the dietician says once we figure everything out, I have the potential to lose 40lbs ( Ive never been that thin and I think I might look sickly) but hey, lets see!
Im trying everything to make sure my life is better. Im putting my health on the forefront again. No one is going to take care of me, but me
A Paleo type diet works great for insulin resistance. Metformin also helps to improve insulin resistance.
A Paleo type diet works great for insulin resistance. Metformin also helps to improve insulin resistance.
Way back in the day when I was trying to get pregnant, and we had no clue that it was because of my exs infertility, I was put on metformin for PCOS in hopes of helping me to ovulate. It did a serious number on me. GI issues were baaaaaddd. I did lose weight for obvious reasons? Lol. But Im definitely considering paleo. Its a lifestyle change, but I guess I gotta do what I gotta do.
Extended release metformin is usually tolerated if regular metformin causes diarrhea. You might try that. If still a problem, alpha lipoic acid, Berberine, and cinnamon extract capsules are supplements that help with insulin resistance. If you go to the Marks Daily Apple website and look at the success stories, youll see many people who reversed their type 2 diabetes with a Paleo diet.
My mom lost 30 lbs when she was eighty - pounds she had been trying to lose for decades - just by getting really strict about sugar. She used a glucometer for a few weeks to see what happened to her blood sugar after certain meals. White potatoes really made her blood sugar skyrocket. Her HgbA1C dropped from a sudden high of 8.4 to just 5.7 in just a few months with diet alone.
He decided to have a discussion with D in front of me about anniversary gifts and him getting her Mac book air for the titanium wedding anniversary or whatever. He went to to the bathroom and D 13 says to me I guess thats why he is broke and cant afford his half of my contacts They left and I just cried. And cried. I dont know why. But I did.
That hurts to read. D knows Daddy values Step-mom more than her. I'm sorry she's going through this and you have to watch her go through this. His excitement about their titanium anniversary probably didn't help.
She took one look at me and diagnosed me with insulin resistance just by looking at my neck. Official diagnosis to follow after a 3 hour glucose tolerance test Monday. Shes a special metabolic doctor.
Yay! I'm glad you found someone who can help you.
It boils down to Im pretty much going to have to eliminate carbs and sugar. My body cant process them even if Im in a calorie deficit ( which Ive been doing for a few months now and sticking to it)
The concept seems strange to me, because people on forced diets (U.S. starvation experiments or concentration camp victims) always look very thin--but quantum mechanics also baffles me, and she's a qualified doctor. I'm not skeptical, just curious to read up later about how this works. I have found it easier to lose weight when I replace buns with salads and rices with riced cauliflower. When I splurge on carbs I make choices about what I really want!
She believes if I follow what the dietician says once we figure everything out, I have the potential to lose 40lbs ( Ive never been that thin and I think I might look sickly) but hey, lets see!
That would be a great place to be! "I'm down 30#. Do I want to lose another 10#?" (:
Im trying everything to make sure my life is better. Im putting my health on the forefront again. No one is going to take care of me, but me
I love, love, love this!
Just to throw in 2 more cents, from what Ive read many of the GI and other side effects of Metformin go away on their own after a few weeks. I thought I might be up into the pre-diabetic range after suspicions my dentist had together with a few symptoms I thought I had and an over active imagination after a non-fasting finger stick of 145. Im telling you this for a reason. Ive never really had any issues with weight but had gotten to the top edge of the BMI for my height and for a short time into the overweight category. No one would consider me overweight. I actually thought I looked better, actually had a bit of a butt but also was getting a bit of a pouch. Anyhow the prediabetic scare has me go to diet soda, remove most breads, potatoes, rice, sweets, juices, etc. Time went quick and when it dawned on my that my pants were really loose followed by a look in the mirror and my butt had again disappeared and face seemed thin, I was shocked to have lost nearly 15 pounds without even trying. Im back in the center of my BMI. Clearly the low carb diet works. Thankfully my A1C just came back at 5.4 so Im not prediabetic - or if I was, the weight loss and diet change quickly solved it. Ive put back in a bit more carbs and sweets in hopes of not losing anymore weight. A friend of mine had to go on metformin for actual diabetes mostly related to a Whipple and he though he is in Remission now for years, cant put weight on no matter how hard he tries. Hes at the low end of BMI now. Again clearly this low carb diet thing works. Even if you go on metformin for 6 months to a year, you can come off again and may well get the side effects to diminish if you can just push through for a few weeks to maybe a month. So all in all, this could be great news!
As for your good if an ex, he just keeps showing himself to be the moron he is. Hes a kid who never grew up. Hes not an adult other than in age. Cant manage being a husband, cant manage being a father, cant even manage money so much that a 13 year old sees it. You just now need to see it. I was out on a date of sorts last night (long story) and one of the women in the group so reminded me of you - even looks a bit like you. Has a mouth on her for starters lol but pretty, 44, has been a nurse for nearly 25 years, seems strong, had an ex live in BF who dumped her and is scared by it. Her exs mother was with us and has a great R with her sons ex but not so much with her son. She knows he was not the guy for her, says she treated him great but is still really hurt by him leaving her. She 44 and a bit too young (and too alpha - shes Sicilian) for me but otherwise seems like a great person and would be fun to go out with.
. Still I can just see how she thinks theres something wrong with her so she cant put herself back out there. Instead shes thrown that part of her life into her dogs. What up with that BTW. I see more and more women who connect more with makes on 4 legs than on 2.
My point in all of this rambling is you are far more normal than you think you are. Your biggest challange is convincing yourself and putting yourself out there and not letting your past prevent you from your future. You have to keep acting as if until it becomes muscle memory. You have so much more to offer than many other women and guys do. You just have to start believing it. Dropping the weight you feel you need to drop will be another step in that journey.
Well friends, my time here is done. i think it is for many. I think it is a chapter of my life I need to close.
I went on my mini vacay to visit my friend and I had such a wonderful time. It was nice being spoiled a bit too. I am never, ever, catered to, and it was super nice having such great hospitality, great fun, and catching up with my beautiful friend. I missed her so much
I'm just going about my life. work, taking care of child and home, having somewhat of a social life, fitting in exercise and continuing to take care of myself, because well, I am very important too. I am still lonely, crave partnership, but the lack of that doesn't define my life as good, bad, or happy or unhappy. I am not happy with that situation, but it doesn't make my life bad. It just is what it is. I am still enjoying other parts of my life. Because there are many other parts of my life. My lonliness for a partner is just one part. One day, when it;s meant to, that part will get better
and I will leave with an interesting story to share. A 70 year old coworker of mine, who is as healthy as a horse, very active, etc has been having trouble breathing for a few months. Very short of breath going up and down stairs. The doctors couldn't find a reason and thought maybe allergies or her asthma. She knew something wasn't right, pleaded her case, and it turns out she has multiple blood clots in her lungs. She was hospitalized for a day, anticoagulated, will be on lifelong anticoagulation, but is fine. Back to work the next day and living her life.
They couldn't find an explanation for the PE's. Except one. The SOB began after her second vaccine. The doctors due believe the likely cause was the vaccine. Her and I were at a coworkers housewarming party yesterday and i asked her "if you knew this was going to happen, would you have still gotten the vaccine?" And she said "absolutely" we have seen the devastation of COVID and she knows that every person who is vaccinated is closer to herd immunity.
Anyways, You all know where to find me if you wish. I wish everyone the best, but I feel like my time here is up after 13 years. That's a super long time I have to just keep going foward
((Ginger1)) - May you have a blessed future.
(((Ginger))). It feels like we are losing a wise and wonderful friend BUT you need to do what is best for you and if posting on here is in some way keeping you from starting that next chapter, it makes sense for you to say good-bye. We will miss you though...a lot. You have been a wonderful support for me. 2 x 4s when I need it but also lots of encouragement and solid advice. You, my friend, know where to find us if you ever need us.
If you do find that one guy who is worthy of you and has the good sense to stick around, please think about popping in for a brief update. Always good for people to hear of a LBS who has moved forward with living their best life and is lucky enough to have found love again.
Sending you lots of love and (((HUGS))).
Glad you had a good vacation, G. You know you can always stop in and say hi.
I am so very happy that you had a nice vacation and now looking for to the next chapter in your life. I wish you all of the best and I'm not going to say goodbye, because I know where to find you and will be checking on you, your daughter and the pup from time to time.
The door is always open for you to return and give us an update on how you and your family are doing.
see you on the flip side G I know where to find me.
I'm not saying goodbye, but see you later, since I'll see you in other virtual worlds.
Best of luck to you. That vacation looked FABULOUS and so do you.
Hey peeps. I haven't been on in a while. Nice to see some old names. Just wanted to say hello.
Tad.
Hey peeps. I haven't been on in a while. Nice to see some old names. Just wanted to say hello.
Tad.
How are you Tad? How are the kitties? xoxoxo good to "see" you xoxoxo
Ginger - just read your update around insulin resistance. Been dealing with that and type 2 diabetes for a few years now and here's what I've been doing that works for me. Seems like you're already on a great path but I thought I'd share what has been good for me.
I took some metformin early on and it destroyed my GI system for a few weeks, but then it calmed down and I got a stronger dosage because I could handle it.
My main goal was to figure out how to manage the symptoms and HbA1c with lifestyle. Doc wanted to put me on insulin right away and I though that was kind of an extreme reaction. After lots of experimentation and doing my labs regularly, wearing flash glucose meter, here's what I'm doing.
- eliminated sugars and starches
- diet is 90% meat and fat, 10% veg (avocado, onion, tomato, garlic, lemon/lime)
- strength training
- sleep well
I brought my A1c down from 12.3 to 6.7 in six months. My cholesterol markers were excellent, despite my endo being very skeptical about my approach.
I have to admit that during the pandemic this was very hard to do and I managed a few good months and then eating whatever, and then getting back on track etc. When I wasn't doing so good with the diet, I did take meds just to ensure that I wasn't doing too much damage.
I've come to this after a long time of experimenting and figuring out what works for my system. But I thought I'd share what I've done in case you want to explore further. Obviously consult your primary physician on this as this is not medical advice.
Diet is carnivore-adjacent and I'm fine with that. I'll occasionally eat a slice of pizza, dessert, rice, etc. because life is short and one dumb meal isn't going to reduce all the gains. Also, sometimes you need that slice of pizza and coke zero
wish you all the best in your journey.
Also, lost weight without trying on this. Better focus and way more energy throughout the day. Sleep was excellent at night.
Hi Maika!
A fellow insulin resister! It stinks! Lol. I’ve been on metformin since April and the GInaide effects killed me for a few months and eventually wore off. I luckily am not diabetic, barely pre diabetic, but I don’t want to get there. You seem to have taken great control, that is an incredible improvement in your AIC! I also follow a similar carnivore diet along with intermittent fasting. Well, TBH, I’ve been halfway off the wagon since September. I haven’t put back on the 15 I lost, but I have stalled. I am not a volume eater, but I am a sugar addict for sure. Been indulging a little but not like I used too. I am also a French fry addict and I have been having those sometimes as well, including a once a week bagel. I know I have to go back to my veggies and protein and fat. I can feel the difference when I don’t. I have reactive hypoglycemia, so I can feel my blood sugar dropping again after the carbs . I also have to stop drinking as much as I do. My alcohol consumption went up. It’s not doing my diet any favors
Have you read “the obesity” code by Dr. Jason fung? It’s an incredible book and written by a real doctor, a nephrologist who wanted to figure out how to help his obese diabetic patients with kidney disease, because it was obvious low cal and low fat wasn’t doing it. Abs scientifically he is absolutely correct. He’s got some great pod casts too.
I have 15-20lbs to go and I will be happy and healthy there. Sometimes it is just so hard, and the foods I am supposed to eat make me nauseous.
But I’ll take a break, and find an alternative then hop back on. I’m hoping to drop these pounds my March. We shall see!
Great work! It’s not easy, but it’s worth it!
And hello tad! I hope all is well with you!
Hey bttrfly.
All is well. My kitties (divas) are doing just great! Love them so much! They own this place and me.
Take care!
Tad
Hi Ginger. Was just skimming your thread. I've been here a long time too. (11 yearsish) I'm also on Metformin and Insulin. The Metformin messed me up for a while, but the doctor just told me to take half a dose. Everything "cleared up"
after a week or so. I was just taking too much of it. I may have missed it in your post but are you still on it? Have you tried a lower dose?
Tad