Navigating a new phase of life - DivorceBusting.com

Feeling a bit down today, but trying to stay hopeful. Dealing with ED/PE at the same time as a guy is so uncomfortable. I'm still looking into multiple things to try and figure it out, but still, its very stressful and I just feel like venting somewhere of how much it makes me feel like I'm a failure and broken. I hate even using those words because I know it feeds back into the problem, but it is what it is right now. Maybe this isn't the best place to vent? idk. I have other stress with work and house too. (thanks for the congrats btw Ginger!). Its still ongoing, I'm not done just yet, but I'd really like it done before the end of the year, which I'm not sure it will be. Work is another stressor right now, I'm questioning if its my time to shift away from my department. I do like my team and some of the work, but I'm not being promoted due to a lack of positons and the company putting most raises/promotions/bonuses on hold due to obvious reasons. Unfortunately this all came at a bad time where I was at least 1 major raise behind (~$10k) and that was before I finished my masters degree. My manager even pulled me aside yesterday and we talked about it. He wanted to point out a position in another group that opened was at a senior engineering level. He said obviously he would hate to see me go, but I think he can see my frustration and me slightly checking out in little ways. This has been ongoing for a while now. I considered interviewing elsewhere to see what type of offer I get and try to get the company to match, but my HR manager is so incompetent and I don't see her fighting for anyone there in that way. Idk what I want, I just know I'm not so happy right now.

Hi Fogg. Don't know your sitch all that well, but I know what it's like to be down, and the need to vent.

Think of all the positive things. What are you grateful for? What can you do that's a small step towards being less stressful?

Know that someone is always listening:)

Thanks CanBird, I appreciate it. It is nice to be heard and know someone is listening.

My personality type has a tendency to hyper focus on the things I am not doing well, or need to improve. I am almost blind to the things I am doing well and I know that is a big problem with my mental health. As an example with J, if we're talking about something and a comment about one of the people she dated in the past comes up I tend to compare myself negatively and only see how I am "not good enough". I'm working on this, but its so damn difficult. I know on a logical level she's not with the people in the past, so there's a reason it didn't work out. I'm mindreading and overthinking things.

So, what am I grateful for. I have my kids and spend a significant time with them, more so than some people get. I've been lucky to have a pretty good co-parenting relationship with my ex. I am getting a house soon and can provide for my family, even though my expenses are pretty high. I have two degrees completed and have a pretty good outlook career wise for the future. I am relatively healthy, even if the ED stuff may be a symptom of other things to look at. I am good at my job and I am respected, people come to me for advice and support. I have a great deal of flexibility at work and I can basically do as I please without really reporting to anyone. I am in a relationship with someone who wants to be with me, who does care about me.

Is this the thread you want to keep?

Correct, thanks Cadet!

For the record, threads are not deleted by me, they are just moved to a safe place where only the moderators can read them.

I am with Cadet on this. I am the one that "moved" your threads to a safe place this morning. If this one wasn't available to you recently, then I'm sorry that I had inadvertently moved it to the safe place.

I knew they weren�t truly deleted, I appreciate the quick replies getting this one back. I just wanted the old stuff gone, it�s been long enough and I have no desire to ever look back through them. Thank you both

I feel for you, Fogg. All of these things coming to a head at one time. It has to be difficult. Stay strong!

I cannot view your previous thread.

Originally Posted by harvey

I feel for you, Fogg. All of these things coming to a head at one time. It has to be difficult. Stay strong!

I cannot view your previous thread.

All you need to do is become a moderator.

As Cadet pointed out...only moderators can view the threads that are put in a safe place. When posters request that threads be deleted or moved to the safe place, they are no longer available for viewing by others. I have removed Fogg's previous thread link so that others do not become confused as to why they cannot view his previous thread(s). This "safe place" option is available to anyone who determines that they need to have them moved for whatever reason.

Originally Posted by Fogg

Thanks CanBird, I appreciate it. It is nice to be heard and know someone is listening.

My personality type has a tendency to hyper focus on the things I am not doing well, or need to improve. I am almost blind to the things I am doing well and I know that is a big problem with my mental health. As an example with J, if we're talking about something and a comment about one of the people she dated in the past comes up I tend to compare myself negatively and only see how I am "not good enough". I'm working on this, but its so damn difficult. I know on a logical level she's not with the people in the past, so there's a reason it didn't work out. I'm mindreading and overthinking things.

So, what am I grateful for. I have my kids and spend a significant time with them, more so than some people get. I've been lucky to have a pretty good co-parenting relationship with my ex. I am getting a house soon and can provide for my family, even though my expenses are pretty high. I have two degrees completed and have a pretty good outlook career wise for the future. I am relatively healthy, even if the ED stuff may be a symptom of other things to look at. I am good at my job and I am respected, people come to me for advice and support. I have a great deal of flexibility at work and I can basically do as I please without really reporting to anyone. I am in a relationship with someone who wants to be with me, who does care about me.

Hi Fogg. This was nice to read, the things you are grateful for. These are the things you are doing well at! Right?

I understand the tendency to focus on what we are not doing well. When your mind does goes there, just remind yourself to STOP. Refocus. I am guilty of this, heck I'm sure we all are to a degree. STOP and refocus on the good things that make you grateful. You've got a lot written up there!

Have a great weekend.