Just off the phone with a patient who has had a horrible 2020, we are all looking forward to this demon year being over! Hence the thread title.
Here's my last thread:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2900854&page=1
This might be a good thread for us all to start listing (and maybe manifesting) the things we want in our life in 2021.
For me: health, peace in my home, reorganization in my home (which I have already started), music (no gigs in the pandemic but I need to get back to practicing so I'll be a badass when the pandemic leaves). I won't lie, many of these things will be easier to achieve once CMM has passed, which will likely be an event in 2021, although one never knows.
many of these things will be easier to achieve once CMM has passed, which will likely be an event in 2021, although one never knows.
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
CUSTOMER: Here's one.
CART MASTER: Nine pence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!
CART MASTER: What?
CUSTOMER: Nothing. Here's your nine pence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!
CART MASTER: 'Ere. He says he's not dead!
CUSTOMER: Yes, he is.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not!
CART MASTER: He isn't?
CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon. He's very ill.
DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better!
CUSTOMER: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
CART MASTER: Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go on the cart!
CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby.
CART MASTER: I can't take him.
DEAD PERSON: I feel fine!
CUSTOMER: Well, do us a favor.
CART MASTER: I can't.
CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
CART MASTER: No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.
CUSTOMER: Well, when's your next round?
CART MASTER: Thursday.
DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk.
CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do?
DEAD PERSON: [singing] I feel happy. I feel happy.
[whop]
CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much.
CART MASTER: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
CUSTOMER: Right. All right.
-------------
Apologies for being macabre.
------
This might be a good thread for us all to start listing (and maybe manifesting) the things we want in our life in 2021.
S always does up a vision board. I've never been much of one for dreams or dreaming. I find that if I think about "what could be" too much then I become frustrated and disappointed when it doesn't happen. Looking at the one she did up for this year, most of what she was hoping to achieve, career, building savings etc just whistled right on by.
With that said, I think that my primary goal for 2021 is to find "me" again. I know where I am - hiding under this basket in the corner. Just have to let it out again.
Lol - my favorite Monty Python scene!
I have a vision board story - my friend made one, it had something to do with living near the ocean.
His house burned down, his marriage broke up and he ended up moving to Mendocino to partner in his brother's restaurant there.
he ended up living by the ocean but the way he got there wasn't exactly what he'd intended!
to that end ... in 2015 my exh was in CA on NYE, because his boss forced him to do a two week stint on the left coast starting right after Christmas. I believe OW was not in the picture as he complained about it bitterly and there hadn't been that distinct change that happened a few scant weeks later.
Anyway, it was the first year I wrote a list of intentions. Every one of them manifested, but not in the way I intended. I found that list just a few weeks ago. Be careful what you manifest and more importantly, how you manifest it.
Hope and a reason not to give up on myself.
Filing under “Not my circus, not my monkeys, but boy! Look at those monkeys!”:
My son mentioned casually today that his dad is on a road trip. To visit his mother (1,000 miles away) and his father (3,000 miles away).
Now, in this time of Covid, driving can seem safer than flying. Although, over such distances, that’s a lot of public restrooms and hotel rooms and I’d say it’s a toss up which exposes you more. And I get him wanting to visit his parents, who both have had health problems.
But he’s had two low back surgeries this year and driving always bothered his back. And get this - he’s taking the cat. The 17 year old indoor/outdoor cat. Not used to the car, not leash trained.
Son assumes that’s because his wife is going with him and they don’t have anyone to cat sit. But that seems so strange - impulsive and not thought through. Typical hypomanic stuff for him.
Hope he makes it back without losing the cat along the way.
i love your concern for the cat, not the whacko human.
brava
My friend thinks he might have seen the movie Inside Llewyn Davis. I haven’t seen it, but apparently a cat and a car are part of the story.
I realize also that he’s supposed to quarantine for two weeks upon entering New York State if he’s come from (through?) certain states. Doubt he’ll be taking this precaution (he’s not anti-science but he’s always been one to stretch the rules when it applies to him).
This was typical, btw, of a dynamic in our relationship - he would propose some irrational hypomanic things, and it would be up to me to be the "spoilsport" who pointed out the practical obstacles. In this situation I would have been the one asking the questions like "what if the cat gets away, because it's an indoor/outdoor cat and not going to be happy being cooped up for weeks?" and "maybe we should leash-train the cat first" and "how will we keep the cat from peeing outside the litter box in the hotel rooms since it's in a new environment?" and "Is all that driving really a good idea for you with your back problems?" and ". Then I would be the bad person who had rained on his parade.
isn't it interesting to find out the crazy things the ex's are doing? I'm sure mine had a field day when he learned about the chicks living in their brooder in the downstairs bath. I, in turn, think some of his escapades are equally bizarre. grateful doesn't even begin to describe how I feel to be away from it all. Sure you feel the same Kml.
xo
I sure do! It's interesting though how my kids don't seem to think it's weird at all. Just goes to show how his behavior was "normalized" in their childhood and/or how he's so good at making such things SOUND reasonable. My middle child (whose cat it was before he went off to college) DID express a wish that she was on a leash but feels he has so much else to worry about right now (job turmoil) that he can't think about that.
My XH, who didn’t want any animals, has two dogs, a fish (our daughter’s) and ELEVEN chickens!!! I always thought he was joking about the chickens...lol.
Andrew... the second I read your post, I knew it was Monty Python...and I wasn’t that big of a fan. Probably only saw the Holy Grail and that was 34 years ago!!! Not sure that scene was from the Holy Grail but if it wasn’t, maybe I’ve seen two MP movies???
Let’s hope 2021 is a better year. Seriously...how can it get any worse? (And yes... I did knock on some wood after I wrote that.)
The pets thing is interesting.
My ex was very much a "critter person". It was her that was keen on having cats - she had one and a box full of kittens when we met. I was a "keeper" it seemed when the kittens peed on me and I didn't freak out.
Cats were a big part of her identity (and also related to the pet name I called her). Cat themed decorating was and still is all over the house. We always had at least two and sometimes 3 cats. After a failed experiment with a lab cross dog (nobody looked after it and it terrorized the kids as a bouncy puppy) she did get a rescued Pomeranian that required less care. I had said that I was ok with a new family dog if it was small, short haired, non-barky and that I wouldn't have to do any of the pet care. Well - he was small.
I always did the bulk of the pet care, feeding and cleaning up after them, taking them to the vet etc including for the dog. The dog never got walked but never really had a lot of interest in walking. He liked laying in the sunshine and barking at people walking by.
Anyhoodles - I clearly remember her screaming at the pets after D-Day during in house separation that she never wanted to have any pets ever ever again and that after these were gone that we weren't getting any more. She threatened on more than one occasion (screaming) to kill them all. Mind you, she did that to the kids too. Ah - good times ...
. I actually posted a thread on here about the LBP (left behind pets) - her puir wee dog really suffered with the stress and separation anxiety.
She did end up taking the dog with her and OM had a full sized poodle that used to be his deceased wife's from what I understand. Not sure what her opinion is about pets these days. Last I heard, her dog - who never got walked - is fatter, older and ill as of a couple of years ago. I would be surprised if he's still around. Nice dog - I didn't really care for him but we got along fine.
Sad.
Perhaps it's part of the package rejection of their past lives. I know that for DnJ that their dogs were a big part of his wife's life and she walked away from those without looking back.
the cat he brought home - left behind
the dog he wanted - left behind
just like the kid and the wife and the house.
so nice to be made redundant
I was raised on a farm, so I've always been an animal lover, though I prefer dogs to cats, but that is just a personal thing. XH and I got a dog when he went through his health issues so that he had "someone" at home with him while I was working and the girls were at school. I was never a huge fan of small, inside dogs, but we lived on a very busy road with no fence so the dog we got was inside and man did we both LOVE her. When we D'ed the dog (Molly) was one of the very few things we actually fought about. In the end, I got her, much to his sadness, but he moved on with his OW who is a cat person so now he has cats, according to the girls. I still have Molly, plus Sparky's 2 big outside dogs and we are going to get a kitten soon because Sparky is more a cat person than a dog person. Molly is old and when it is her time to go, I will be devastated because I have had her since she was 6 months old, but I won't have another inside dog. Sparky's outside dogs are relatively young still, one just barely out of puppyhood and the other around 5. Sigh...…………………………………………..
My ex and I usually had a cat, and got a German Shepherd when the kids were old enough. When we separated, I kept the dog (who was old and blind and crippled by that time and died after a year) and my ex kept the cat, which had been my middle son's (kitten we got him as therapy when he had anorexia/bulimia). Middle son was gone to college and never did live in a place where he could take this cat, as she was used to going indoors and outdoors and son lived in cities where a cat would have to be indoors only to be safe. So ex has had this cat for the last 11 years.
I didn't get any new pets when I moved into my new house but my youngest son has a dog which we adopted as a puppy to help my son's depression (he's been a lifesaver and is the best little dog ever) and my oldest son who also lives with me has a black cat. I get enough pet time without the responsibility which is ok by me for now. Maybe when I retire I'll think about getting a dog.
Funny story - I was giving away my old vibraphone (which needs repair to be usable, not really sale able - it’s a project). I posted it on Craigslist and the first response was from a guy a couple of hours away. I give him the address and my first name and he responds “are you (first name last name)? (Youngest son)’s mom?“
Lol it was a good friend of my son’s. I hadn’t even thought to ask my son if any of his friends might want it. Serendipity!
So got rid of that and one other bulky item brought home from the storage unit, so the project of emptying it out and storing things in the garage is done. (CMM does have some boxes still to sort through and get rid of but it’s weaned down to a reasonable amount that fits in my garage). Since I’m opposed to the general idea of storage units it’s a relief to be free of it.
Spent the evening watching an old disaster flick (Volcano) and using my seam ripper to take out a waistband on a skirt. It’s an old favorite of my business partner’s but the elastic is worn out. I offered to replace it for her, it requires remaking the waistband but it’s a pretty easy project for me. I know what it’s like to have a favorite piece of clothing that just works for you, that’s how she feels about this skirt. I know many seamstresses hate ripping seams, but I find it kind of peaceful and meditative.
More things to tick off my to do list tomorrow . It feels never-ending. But you eat an elephant one bite at a time.
Cemo day today, catching up on office work while he gets his infusion. Plans to putter around the house this weekend while he recovers. Big excitement! Taking movie recommendations. (I've already seen all of the Queen's Gambit and the Chicago 7 movie, both excellent).
Amazing Grace starring Ioan Gruffudd is pretty much my absolute favourite movie. It also has Benedict ClumpyThatch or whatever his name is in it.
((CMM)) - Hope the chemo doesn't hit him too hard.
have you seen Knives Out? came out last year but was a great flick
hope chemo wasn't too harsh
Yes, saw it already. First day of chemo is easy because of the steroids - Sunday is when it’ll hit.
Been having a very productive day around the house today. I helped oldest son organize and box up and store the large amount of D and D dice and swag he’s been buying and leaving spread all over the dining table in the front room (this table only gets used for holiday meals). Organized the boxes of old photos my mom had in the family room (her early Alzheimer’s was such that she tried to organize them but never could quite get it done, and didn’t label photos that I wish she had). Those are now boxed up and ready to store in the garage for now.
Also found another spicy tidbit about my dad! Now, my dad was married once before my mom - or so we thought! (His first wife appears to have cheated on him with an old boyfriend). I found a summons which detailed how a second woman was suing for annulment/divorce from my dad in 1947, after his first marriage fell apart. Apparently, he’d sent away to Chihuahua Mexico for a mail order divorce from his first wife, then took this second woman to Tijuana where they got married. Only problem was, the mail order divorce wasn’t legal and dad was still married to his first wife! After two months together this second woman figured this all out I guess and ditched him. This is a story none of us had heard.
My mom and my dad also married in Tijuana, but because my mom was pregnant with my older brother and HER divorce from her alcoholic first husband wasn’t done yet.
Funny because my mom seemed such a straight arrow when we were growing up.
CMM has been sleeping most of the day, this is usually the toughest day of the chemo cycle. I’m gonna turn over the laundry then wake him up for some dinner.
crazy huh, to learn these old family secrets?
Yeah, we all got a good laugh out of it. Although I feel sorry for that poor woman - imagine marrying a guy then finding out to months later he's still legally married to his first wife! In 1947, when that would have been a really shameful thing! Unfortunately the paperwork doesn't include her maiden name so I wasn't able to track down anything about her yet.
how was yesterday for CCM?
He slept almost all day - so I got a lot of chores done in the meantime. Some loose stools but no vomiting so not bad really - just exhausted but like I said, he just slept through most of it so that's actually good. He looked better this morning.
I was in a productive mood (which I don't always have energy for on the weekends) and got a lot of things done around the house, including changing my furnace filter and cleaning and organizing the living room and family room. And finding out my dad was once a bigamist lol.
glad he's doing well and you got a lot done xo
Decided this weekend to reupholster some chairs from my exam room (they had bonded leather which seems to do fine until it suddenly all disintegrates). Turned out to be a MUCH bigger job than I anticipated. Got one done but I think I'll wait on the second and just shop a little harder for replacements. It's a shame because these chairs are particularly well built. But I think I just bit off a little more than I really want to chew. Got a new staple gun out of the deal though!
Otherwise quiet weekend as CMM is still feeling some of the aftereffects of his chemo last week His oncologist had suggested doing his chemo every 4 weeks instead of every 3 weeks but we chose every 3; unfortunately his side effects are showing up earlier in the course of chemo so I think we will switch to every 4 weeks. It's not really curative at this ppint anyway, just holding things down, so switching to every 4 weeks should not make much difference in his prognosis but give him a little better quality of life.
My youngest son got a new tattoo which he showed to me this weekend - my mother's name. He's quiet about it but obviously still grieving the loss of my mom as much as my older son who is more vocal about it.
Was reading an article in the WSJ about retirement, and was struck by this paragraph: 'To prompt clients to clarify their goals, Mr. Kinder asks three questions: What would you do if you had all the time and money in the world? How would you live if you knew you had only five to 10 years left? And what would you most regret if you died tomorrow?"
Seems to me these are good questions to clarify one's priorities in general, not just with retirement. I'll have to chew on them.
Meanwhile, one of my patients this morning shared that her pregnant niece had a large, maskless baby shower. And thought her 84 year old grandmother should attend! Luckily my patient is not an idiot. She brought grandma in the car - masked - so the attendees could come out and say hi to her - then took her back home. I can't help thinking of this girl's poor obstetrician - imagine how she would feel if she knew this patient had just thrown a large maskless party and put the OB's own life at risk.
I'm especially riled up because I read a story this morning about a bunch of stupid parents in Missourinthrowing a secret homecoming dance for their high school students. They purposefully hid it from the local authorities because it was an illegal gathering. No masks. This was on Nov. 7th and already now 7 attendees have Covid plus a number of other faculty and students at the school. They can't contact trace adequately because the parents deliberately did not keep a list if attendees.
Was reading an article in the WSJ about retirement, and was struck by this paragraph: 'To prompt clients to clarify their goals, Mr. Kinder asks three questions: What would you do if you had all the time and money in the world? How would you live if you knew you had only five to 10 years left? And what would you most regret if you died tomorrow?"
In my own mind this is rather a moot question. Personally I have no intention on dying but do have plans in place in case that happens.
I was actually offended with the advisor from my pension plan was pushing for us to convert what we have in our defined benefit plan (which pays out forever) to a defined contribution. His argument was that - well - if you are expecting to die soon this will give your beneficiaries a larger payout
I recall joking with my life insurance agent as he was writing me a new policy that it was a gamble I was making. I was betting that I would die in a sudden and possibly embarrassing fashion in the near future and he was gambling that I wouldn't. A couple of weeks later I was at the beach with my family testing out a home-made boat and he waded through the surf to check to see how I was doing
True story.
I'm especially riled up because I read a story this morning about a bunch of stupid parents in Missouri throwing a secret homecoming dance for their high school students. They purposefully hid it from the local authorities because it was an illegal gathering. No masks. This was on Nov. 7th and already now 7 attendees have Covid plus a number of other faculty and students at the school. They can't contact trace adequately because the parents deliberately did not keep a list if attendees.
There's a lot of crisis fatigue going on out there perhaps made worse in your part of the world where it doesn't seem to be taken as seriously as elsewhere.
It's not crisis fatigue, it's misinformation being deliberately spread and feeding into people's denial. A widely read post this week by a nurse in South Dakota said even as she was preparing Covid patients for intubation they were claiming Covid wasn't a thing! Brainwashing is real. But so is selfishness.
In my own mind this is rather a moot question. Personally I have no intention on dying but do have plans in place in case that happens.
Lol - I think about the questions like this:
If I had all the time and money - I'd travel more. I'd work less - but not quit working altogether, as I enjoy my work.
If I knew that I only had 5-10 years - I'd travel more. I'd work less - but not stop completely.
If I knew that I would die tomorrow - I'd make sure everybody knew I loved them and how to access my accounts.
Since question 1 and question 2 have the same answer, I guess I should focus on that. Can't travel more right now and really not until CMM passes - but I can save for that. Not ready to cut down my work hours yet but am looking at my retirement finances and trying to prepare to make that feasible.
What would you do if you had all the time and money in the world? How would you live if you knew you had only five to 10 years left? And what would you most regret if you died tomorrow?"
Just realized that this also applies to DBers in the midst of their spouse's MLC. I've often noticed that women who are financially self sufficient often seem to have an easier time of it letting go of their spouses and moving on; the more financially dependent one is, the harder time they have with it. And in order to separate out those two things (the relationship from the financial fears) it is probably useful to use this as an exercise. What would they do about their relationship if they had all the time and money in the world? What would they do if they knew they only had 5-10 years left to live? (Would they spend three years of that waiting on a WAS to possibly come to their sense - or not?) .
Hence the advice I often give to those in that situation to just get out and LIVE. Their spouse may come back or may not. But life is precious and the WAS shouldn't take up too much of their life's energy. I know I'm preaching to the choir here, this is really advice for the people on the MLC forum here.
Ugh. My middle son’s roommate probably has Covid. He had some congestion and thought he just had sinusitis because his symptoms were just from the “neck up”. My son made him call people he’d been with to warn them he was sick, and he found out the friend he visited last week has a brother who just got diagnosed with Covid! Son is disinfecting all the surfaces but they share a bathroom so it’s dicey. Dang, people just don’t understand about infection control! If you think you have a cold, in this time of Covid with everyone wearing masks, IT’S PROBABLY COVID!!!
Middle son has terrible asthma. Praying he doesn’t get it.
And please people -stay home on Thanksgiving!!!!
praying along w u xoxo
zoom works great for family get togethers. that's what we're all doing on thanksgiving.
I use the inexpensive phone mounts and clip them on the back of a chair. At Christmas I would mirror the phone to the TV.
As I’ve mentioned before, my niece is an ECMO nurse. This is a last ditch treatment for people who are already on a ventilator and not doing well. A third of Covid patients on ECMO will die despite this extraordinary measure.
She has a patient now who is a previously healthy 50 year old mom. Her twelve year old daughter brought a friend over to the house when she was not supposed to. This brought Covid into the house and now mom is near death and grandma is blaming the 12 year old.
Please take this seriously.
You’ve been saying this for 9 months now. It will soon be a year. Clearly none of these measures are working. In fact it’s getting worse. Places with mask mandates and the most draconian lockdowns are among the hardest hit. What is the end game? When do we figure out we can’t stop covid anymore than we can stop an earthquake or a hurricane - things that also kill and harm. This fear mongering and blaming is ridiculous. It’s again like when we blamed people for getting HIV or for being gay and spreading HIV. ITS RIDICULOUS. Our inky chance is a working vaccination or it running its course. Meanwhile shooting deaths are at record highs in many cities, suicides is starting to hit records, drug and alcohol abuse and overdose are climbing. But by all means blame a 12 year old.
Actually you’re wrong - places with mask mandates like California slowed it down considerably, states with Republican governors who refused to take any measures have it worst now despite being decidedly rural like North Dakota. If you would bother to look at reputable sources of statistics (IHME or the Wash Post is free to look at Covid numbers) you would see that the states with the highest rates per 100,000 right now are mostly the ones that ignored it. Yes, it’s rising here - but we are still near the bottom of the states as far as rates per 100,000 because we have followed the science. It will increase in the winter because dry cold air keeps aerosols suspended longer, people are indoors in tighter quarters , and people travel and congregate for Thanksgiving and Christmas. This is also why flu season hits when it does. I suggest you look into ICU beds available in your area and Covid hospitalization rates. And wear a mask to save someone else’s life if you don’t care about your own. This is nothing to f around with.
California is currently 45 out of 50 states in cases per day per 100k. North Dakota, South Dakota, Wyoming and Nebraska are 1-4
I know denial is a more comfortable way to live. But it risks the lives of everyone around you.
And it’s not just lives at stake. So far, in my small cohort of Covid patients (none ill enough to require hospitalization) I have one with hearing loss due to it, one with diabetes due to it, one young man at risk of infertility due to it, and three patients unable to work nine months on due to Long Covid Syndrome (as well as one 30 year old healthy man still working but struggling with the fatigue of Long Covid 9 months out). This is out of maybe 20-30 mild-moderate outpatient cases.
You said cold weather makes it worse--which might explain why there are high numbers in North Dakota, South Dakota, Wyoming, etc. We've had a really cold start to late fall and early winter here. You didn't mention Minnesota--which has had much harsher rules than neighboring states--yet is experiencing the same rise in positive tests. The virus seems to make it's way through the country, hitting certain regions, before moving on. It hit the northeast early, then the Sun Belt states, etc.
Also, North Dakota may be rural, but almost half of the state's residents live in the two largest metro areas in the state (Bismarck and Fargo). No state is all that rural anymore--especially since there aren't nearly as many small family farms as there used to be. The state may be desolate, but the people that live here are concentrated--just like most states--so I think that argument is mostly overrated.
Is there proof cold weather makes it worse? I live in Australia, our peak was April, leading into our Winter. We were out of lockdown within 6 weeks in a city of 5 million people. My state, the largest in the country, has just recorded is 15th day of no community transmission, in fact there has been days in Australia where there have been no new community transmitted cases, a country of 24 million. Just accept that the US refused to do what was necessary. We have had less than 1,000 deaths.
It's just like the flu and colds in some ways. Gather together people in a closed environment with poor ventilation and you get infections. People gather together in closed environments in cold weather. That's why any family with young kids in school gets everything going around.
I don't know if this has any scientific basis, but more ultra-violet light from sunshine and heat that dries things out in the warmer weather also helps.
I'm in Canada and while by comparison we're doing not too bad, even in my rural area things are being locked down again. People are grumbling but are generally accepting it as necessary. Those who were the more vocal deniers in the spring and summer are more or less converted to know this is real or are keeping their mouths shut.
From what I understand those places that are taking precautions are also experiencing a lower incidence of seasonal influenza. The same things that help prevent covid or cooties also works there. I'm actually hoping that mask wearing will get normalized here in the winter. My cotton one actually makes a dandy scarf to keep my face warm.
Humidity goes down in winter - air is drier outside because of the cold and inside because people are using their heaters. Aerosols and small droplets remain suspended in the air much longer when the humidity is low. And people cluster inside more in winter. You could reduce risk of transmission within your home by using a humidifier.
As for mask mandates there’s a good study out of Kansas showing significant differences between counties that implemented mask mandates and counties that didn’t. Masks DO work but the seeding effect of Sturgis in its neighboring states and the recalcitrance of Covid deniers within states also plays a role. Mask mandates would have been far more effective if they were universal and came with fines attached.
We are looking at impending disaster with all the Thanksgiving flying/congregating still happening this week. And if you’re flying please realize that tests aren’t foolproof - they just reported on a flight where a guy tested negative before boarding the flight but was found to be positive after the flight and he infected four people in the flight. Wear your mask, wear eye protection in the plane, wipe down your seat and surfaces, don’t forget to keep your mask on in the bathroom.
Son's roommate has now been vomiting for 24 hours - but the roommate still doesn't think he has Covid because "it's not associated with GI symptoms". Uh - people???? Are you not reading anything about this virus??? It most definitely CAN present with GI symptoms - sometimes that's the only symptom.
Well the roommate got his test this morning, hope it comes back in a timely manner. So far my son is fine - we are praying that his suspected Covid case in the end of February was really Covid and that he still retains enough immunity to protect him.
Btw anyone who is interested should read this great article in the Atlantic about the hospital in Omaha that was used to treat Ebola patients. One of the best prepared places in the country and it's completely overrun with Covid patients right now. A brief excerpt:
"When the hospital first faced the pandemic in the spring, “I was buoyed by the realization that everyone in America was doing their part to slow down the spread,” Johnson says. “Now I know friends of mine are going about their normal lives, having parties and dinners, and playing sports indoors. It’s very difficult to do this work when we know so many people are not doing their part.” The drive home from the packed hospital takes him past rows of packed restaurants, sporting venues, and parking lots.
To a degree, Johnson sympathizes. “I don’t think people in Omaha thought we could ever have something that resembles New York,” he told me. “To be honest, in the spring, I would have thought it extremely unlikely.” But he adds that the Midwest has taken entirely the wrong lesson from the Northeast’s ordeal. Instead of learning that the pandemic is controllable, and that physical distancing works, people instead internalized “a mistaken belief that every curve that goes up must come down,” he said. “What they don’t realize is that if we don’t change anything about how we’re conducting ourselves, the curve can go up and up.”"
(It's titled Hospital Know What's Coming"
Hope your son is going to miss out on whatever hit his room-mate.
You and CMM are doing ok? I'm sure you are being extra careful because I presume that he's immuno-compromised on top of everything else.
Sadly I feel that this is going to get a "lot" worse down there before it gets better. I've seen news articles showing packed airports. Our own resurgence with new records being hit after our own Thanksgiving last month still has cases climbing and our rural areas are now starting to get hit like your's.
Urban areas are going into a fuller lock down and even up here we are now taking a step back to more isolation.
Yes the next couple of months are going to be very bad. We have moved most of our patients back to telemedicine visits. Still being extremely careful. No getting together with anyone for Thanksgiving except our own household. (I will still cook a huge bird though because we all love leftovers). I have a giant pot that I use to make turkey rice soup with the carcass every year - the only time it's used but it's worth every penny just for that soup. Pumpkin curry soup, pumpkin pie, stuffing, mashed potatoes with gravy - still doing it all. CMM won't have to cook for a week!
CMM is vulnerable because he's back on chemo now, but he doesn't leave the house except for doctor's appointments. I couldn't have middle son come here because it would be too dangerous if he was incubating Covid. Praying both stay well. CMM fortunately is blood type O so that might give him a little help if he does catch it. He should be high on the list for vaccination when it's available since he's black, has hypertension and lung cancer.
it's shocking to me how many people are getting together for thanksgiving, not caring. i'm truly stunned. i sent a group IM to my extended family with a poll asking what times are best for a possible zoom call on Thanksgiving so we can at least be together in some fashion - one cousin can't make it because they are eating at the country club, then going to their daughter's boyfriend's parents' house for drinks and dessert. I'm like, "whaaaa?" stunned. can't believe it.
not the time to be doing this. missing one holiday isn't going to harm anyone. we have zoom. we have a lot to be thankful for. i expect the next two months to be miserable because of the lack of true care and concern for this.
i'm keeping your son and cmm (and you!) in my prayers xoxoxo
Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that your son's roommate doesn't have COVID.
Andrew, I too, saw the TV footage of the airports. I do not know what people are thinking, but traveling, especially in close quarters or a plane and being in airports is terrible this time of year and more so now. Even my area has had a huge spike in cases...why? because some people in one local area have had large weddings in the last few weeks and some people had Halloween parties. My nephew is currently a contact tracer and alert us that we were not to go to the local Walmart because there was a large number of people there who had been in contact with someone that had COVID or have now tested positive. Walmart finally closed it's doors to do a thorough cleaning this week.
Unfortunately, this virus is going to be around for quite some time. I saw on TV that somewhere overseas was looking for a third round of this virus.
Praying for all to stay health and even though you cannot be with all of your loved ones this year, please be thankful that they are still here with us each and every day.
Spoke with a patient of mine yesterday who has worked in pandemic planning - she estimates July as the date that those of us who aren’t super high risk will be able to get vaccinated. I’ve been telling patients who ask sometime between March and June but that’s an optimistic estimate. My concern is that people will assume that since a vaccine is on the horizon, they don’t have to continue their safety precautions now. That could make a difference of 100,000 deaths or more. Too many people will be trading a Family Thanksgiving for an ICU Christmas.
Cook your own bird and Zoom with your relatives.
BTW if it’s your first time cooking a turkey, here’s my method:
Cook the bird unstuffed. Instead put onions and oranges, cut in half, loosely in both cavities. (You can add cloves off garlic and sage if desired). Butter the skin (and I slide some butter with sage under the breast skin).
Cooking time is usually a bit faster than times listed for unstuffed birds because the onions and oranges steam the bird from the inside so use your meat thermometer. Usually takes me about 3- 4 hours to cook a large bird.
Cook your dressing in a separate casserole dish.
Cook the bird unstuffed. Instead put onions and oranges, cut in half, loosely in both cavities. (You can add cloves off garlic and sage if desired). Butter the skin (and I slide some butter with sage under the breast skin).
I use waxed paper as a "glove" to rub the butter in thoroughly. Dust with paprika for colour and a bit of flavour. I use an onion in my ducks when I roast them both for the flavour and to hold the cavity open.
Cook your dressing in a separate casserole dish.
And baste in some of the drippings from the bird.
And don't forget the gravy. People here are heathens and try to make gravy right in the roasting pan by dumping in flour or corn starch.
The key is stirring - once started, a gravy has to be stirred.
Start with a roux - melt a bit of butter or fat and then add in some flour - let it scorch a bit. Add in a bit of pepper and whatever else strikes your fancy.
Take the drippings from the bird and put them into a clear bowl. Use the baster to get the drippings out and leave the fat behind. Slowly add the drippings to the roux - oh - and did I mention stir? If you don't have enough drippings you can add commercial stock
- I use a vegetable stock.
Oh - and stir. Let simmer just under boiling until you get the thickness you desire. While stirring.
What is wrong with making gravy in the roasting pan? Must be a Southern thing because everyone I know does it that way. Add flour, stir, and cook down to make a roux, then add cooking juices and extra stock to desired consistency.
What is wrong with making gravy in the roasting pan? Must be a Southern thing because everyone I know does it that way. Add flour, stir, and cook down to make a roux, then add cooking juices and extra stock to desired consistency.
I'll defer to your experience in making gravy. My own experience is only a few years old and was biased because my ex-wife used to end up with a lot of lumps and swear words
My dad used to scorch the flour in the dry cast iron frypan before adding the butter. I don't bother but I remember him doing that.
Son’s roommate tested negative for Covid. His vomiting stopped but he now has cough and diarrhea, so we are assuming it’s a false negative. My son is still taking all precautions.
This morning at breakfast CMM pulled one of those large Costco size bottles if Pom juice out of the fridge. Except it had fermented and went off in his hands like a magnum of sticky red champagne, ALL over the kitchen and breakfast nook. I mean everywhere! We woke up fast Lolol.
Oh no, all
Of that sounds awful! I hope your sons roommate doesn’t suffer for too long and your son starts safe
Son is being careful. His roommate was in denial and probably still is. But at this point there’s not much else that would explain his diverse symptoms, especially with a contact whose brother was diagnosed with documented Covid.
I wish I had taken a photo of the kitchen before we started cleaning it - the mess really was spectacular!
Son’s roommate’s friend - the one who visited him a week and a half ago and later found out his brother had Covid - has now tested positive for Covid. So we’re pretty sure my son’s roommate has Covid, despite his negative test.
I am very sorry to read the news about your son's roommate. I do hope that they both can stay safe and hopefully get through this very trying time. I'm keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
Last time I heard son’s roommate was feeling a bit better. Son is still feeling ok and we are praying he still has immunity from what we think might have been Covid last March.
Son was texting me yesterday for cooking advice. I can cook but I’m a bit of a reluctant cook - 20+ years of daily cooking for a family of five it was more of a chore (I do enjoy baking though). Still, Thanksgiving I do a pretty good job with and it’s nice to see that my kids all have good memories of those Thanksgiving meals. Son wasn’t cooking a whole meal but wanted to make a couple of Thanksgiving sides and was pleased with his results. Here at my house we have copious amount of leftovers, and I’ll be putting the turkey carcass in my giant stock pot to make turkey rice soup, a big favorite that my mom used to make.
We got up this morning ready to head off to CMMs chemo. We had decided to change from every three weeks to every four weeks but the scheduler had been unable to accommodate that change. Then we got a call this morning from the doctors assistant saying she was gonna make it happen and move it to next Friday. So our morning is suddenly freed up. I have lots of projects to work on this weekend - finish reupholstering one chair, continue work on digitizing home movies, Xmas shopping etc so it’s nice to have the day suddenly free up.
Hope you all stay safe and healthy and enjoy your leftovers.
(BTW my ex has come to his senses and decided not to drive across the entire country to visit his father at the height of a pandemic. Instead he’s camping (in a camper truck) in the desert this weekend with his wife - and the elderly cat. )
Son’s roommate seems to be improving, so far (fingers crossed) son is still healthy.
Made turkey rice soup yesterday with the turkey carcass, a family favorite. Have been making hay getting old home movies digitized. Hope to finish today.
Home movies digitized! At least the VHS and VHS-C tapes. I think I must have some smaller format tapes (mini DV) lurking around somewhere and will try to find those. But I've got all the movies of the kids when they were little, including various plays/band performances that they were in. Plus my own childhood movies (copies of copies, I'll take the original film to Costco to be transferred in hopes of getting a better copy for posterity later. ) I'll transfer these to individual thumb drives for the kids for Xmas, and a copy for them to give to their father.
It's been a weird trip down memory lane watching these videos. A lot of happy times when the kids were little. Yet I can see the roots of ex's changes. And when I see him apparently happily playing with our oldest son as a toddler, I wonder how often his mind wandered to the pregnancy aborted by the woman he slept with on the night before our marriage. That must have been tough for him to live with that secret during those years. (Both of us were raised Catholic).
I also look at those movies and think what an idiot my ex was. I was f-ing beautiful in those days. Seriously - no makeup, long straight hair, very slender, I look like a Renaissance madonna or something. Yet he thought my thighs were too fat. His craziness. I never took it onboard. He was lucky to have me. Some people can have all the ingredients for a happy life and still not be happy or appreciate what they have.
I also ordered a few items online for Xmas presents - still have a lot of shopping to do but it's a start.
congrats! major accomplishment. i've got so many photos to scan. just no time. you inspire me!
I also look at those movies and think what an idiot my ex was. I was f-ing beautiful in those days. Seriously - no makeup, long straight hair, very slender, I look like a Renaissance madonna or something. Yet he thought my thighs were too fat. His craziness. I never took it onboard. He was lucky to have me. Some people can have all the ingredients for a happy life and still not be happy or appreciate what they have.
You and the boys will be happy to have those memories available and sharable. I don't regret at all spending the time to make digital copies of the pictures that we had. My kids don't care - right now - but they have them if they ever do.
I wouldn't get too wrapped up on how you looked back then nor his criticisms. I think that it's important to some sorts of people to have a "hook" - something they can be unhappy with about their partners. My ex-wife was (and presumably is) short, very overweight - literal rolls of fat, and has skin problems. Didn't matter a hoot to me. Even if that also undoubtedly contributed to her pain and mobility issues that affected activities in the MBR.
She though took care of herself and worked on looking good and dressing well. She also "carried herself" well which I think is a key part of attractiveness. There's nothing as attractive as confidence.
I think that it's important to some sorts of people to have a "hook" - something they can be unhappy with about their partners.
It wasn't just me. My ex had a giant hole in himself that he was trying to fill, and always looking for the next thing to make him feel better. Projects, adventures, remodeling, eventually affairs - all attempts to make things "better" in a way that might make him feel better. He could never just be happy with what he had - which was a LOT! Thankfully I never really let his criticisms of my body affect me - I knew how crazy they were.
Funny, even though my thighs are definitely fat now (they weren't then, at all) it has not been an issue with the partners I've had since my divorce.
Funny, even though my thighs are definitely fat now (they weren't then, at all) it has not been an issue with the partners I've had since my divorce.
More cushion for the pushin
Hi KML, what you said about your trip down memory lane rang so true for me, as I'm sure it does a lot of us. We look back and see that person at once was in a whole new light.
My XH too was always to want for more, to fill that void, that "Is there more out there? Something better void". I truly think if you feel that way, you are always going to want for more. Good luck to them.
Be content in the moments that bring you a smile.
I truly think if you feel that way, you are always going to want for more.
Yes, I wouldn't want to be him. Seems like a miserable way to go through life, as someone will ALWAYS have it better than you. We had a lovely if modest home in the best part of town with a killer ocean view, he had a great career and was tops in his field, three beautiful brilliant kids, a beautiful wife who was funny and highly intelligent and easygoing and willing to mommy-track her own successful career so that he didn't have to be bothered with things like driving them to music lessons etc. We really had quite a good life together but in retrospect, I can see how his essential narcissism (a benign sort, but definitely there) meant that we were all only valuable to him if we made him look good. And the desperate need for that grows out of the fact that he doesn't actually feel comfortable in his own skin, so he's dependent upon that approval from others. Just as he needs constant stimulation, in the form of projects, adventures or affairs, to keep his brain chemicals up.
He's now married to a cute Asian gal 19 years younger than him (So Cal surfer accessory) who is little-girlish and feeds his ego. (Nothing against her, she wasn't an affair partner and isn't a bad person, I actually feel kinda sorry for her but hope she stays with him and takes care of him in his old age).
On the surface, it looks like he's got it all and I got the short end of the stick. But looks can be very deceiving. I'm comfortable, happy in my own skin, and close to our kids. I'd take that any day over what he has.
Another thing I just realized about those home movies. One of my ex’s complaints about me was that I wasn’t tidy enough. While I’m no slob, I’m not the OCD clean freak that he is. But looking through all those home movies - our house looked great! Wood floors swept, no dust bunnies (no mean feat when you have a German Shepherd), furniture tidy, no piles of anything. Sure, in some the kids’ toys are scattered around because they were young and actively using them. But even my main weakness, which is a tendency to accumulate little piles of books or paperwork that I’m working in, is nowhere to be seen. I was actually a much better housekeeper than I thought! (Granted, in later years we got a cleaning lady who came once every two weeks which was a huge help, but clearly I was maintaining things well in between).
Our home was light, bright, tidy and welcoming.
On the Covid front - the hospital where my niece works as an RN just got two refrigerator trucks to use a temporary morgues, and it's stressing her out. She just lost a patient, a mom in her early 50's whose preteen daughter broke the rules and let a friend come over - and brought Covid into the house. Imagine how that poor kid feels? My niece is working crazy hours, and since she cares for the very sickest patients, has seen a lot of deaths even in younger people. She has a 19 year old patient right now.
Please folks, don't let pandemic fatigue creep in, we all need to keep to safe practices until the virus is under control. It's just a few more months until we all can get the vaccine, but in the meantime, please save lives.
Our home was light, bright, tidy and welcoming.
For quite a while I believed my ex-wife was a hoarder and a generally messy person. I probably was right - at least from my point of view. Usually dirty dishes left on the counter, sweeping and washing rarely done. She regarded it as "her role" though and woe-betide me if I did much although I did do the dishes fairly often without her complaining if memory serves. There were accumulating piles of "stuff" here and there although in the last 5 or 6 years we were together after the kids moved out she actively got into the idea of purging - mostly at the insistence of our daughter.
Amazing how much of those years is rather a blank these days.
Anyhoodles - looking at pictures from back then compared to what things were after S and her crew moved in - like I told my son some time ago - I didn't know how good I had it back then
Goes to show how our perceptions of the past have a certain amount of plasticity. I was certainly happier without her than with her although even now do miss some of the things we would do together well like grocery shopping or going out for our regular weekly breakfasts. Habits of the bulk of my adult life in fact.
For quite a while I believed my ex-wife was a hoarder and a generally messy person. I probably was right - at least from my point of view. Usually dirty dishes left on the counter, sweeping and washing rarely done.
See, I think of myself as a sub-par housekeeper in large part because of my ex's view. But dirty dishes are never left out (my boys might leave a rinse plate or cup by the sink). Laundry has always been done weekly (and in between if needed). Our floors in our old house needed a lot of sweeping as they were wood and the usually-open french doors to the back porch/yard meant a lot of traipsing in and out by the dog and cat and kids. We also lived on a canyon so a fair amount of dust would blow in. But from those home movies, I was keeping up with the sweeping and dusting pretty well. It almost looks like one of those photos in Apartment Therapy, minus the plants (I'm terrible with houseplants. Oops - that reminds me - it's after the first of the month, time for the once monthly watering of my snake plant, which is delightfully tolerant of neglect.)
My current house is definitely in need of some serious decluttering, but it's almost all my fault. My unfinished reupholstery project is still sitting in the middle of the family room (my weekend project, all I need to do to finish it is sew the new seat cover and staple if all back up with the staple gun.) I need to put away all the video tapes from my digitizing project (and start on the audiotapes I have). The usual weekend chores of mopping the kitchen floor, cleaning the guest bath (CMM keeps ours spotless and the boys do their own bathroom), and vacuuming/dusting. I'll also start putting out Xmas decorations, although I will probably wait another week to get a tree, as I don't want it to be dangerously dried out by Xmas.
The project I'd like to tackle next is my walk-in closet but I might wait until after Xmas for that, when I have the whole week off. I'd like to set up one of the drum kits downstairs in the living room with the new mutes that Santa is bringing me so I can practice without waking my sleeping son upstairs. That will free up a lot of space in the walk-in closet, and if I ruthlessly purge my clothes, I could turn it into a much better organized and accessible space. My biggest vice is not getting rid of clothes that no longer fit, in the hopes of losing weight and fitting back into them. But I'm in a mood to be ruthless right now. I can always buy cute new clothes if (when!) I get skinnier, right?
(Btw no one really uses the living room where I plan to put the drums. It's like our formal living room and nobody sits there except at holidays. The dining table at the end of the large room only gets used for Dungeons and Dragon games, which are on hold due to the pandemic. My vibraphone already lives there. I've even thought of one day moving the furniture from it altogether and just letting it be a music room. )
Hey Job or others:
I want to change my password, the help section says to go to the “aForum Navigation island” to edit profile, but I can’t find that island. Any help?
Andrew,
Thank you for assisting kml.
kml,
You can always hit the report button and your message will pop up on the moderators' phones, etc.
Read this elsewhere about infidelity and it really describes my ex. We lived in a wealthy part of town, but he resented the people there who were more wealthy than us (we were just working doctor wealthy, not trust fund baby wealthy).
“The New York Times had an interesting article on a researcher of happiness. One of the traits of unhappy people is that they compare their lives to others a lot. If you need a reason for why he did this, midlife crisis, or whatever — I think a simpler explanation was he wasn’t a content person. He played compare and contrast and thought he could have more, at your expense. That’s not on you. That’s on him, his shitty character and inability to appreciate“
Read this elsewhere about infidelity and it really describes my ex. We lived in a wealthy part of town, but he resented the people there who were more wealthy than us (we were just working doctor wealthy, not trust fund baby wealthy).
“The New York Times had an interesting article on a researcher of happiness. One of the traits of unhappy people is that they compare their lives to others a lot. If you need a reason for why he did this, midlife crisis, or whatever — I think a simpler explanation was he wasn’t a content person. He played compare and contrast and thought he could have more, at your expense. That’s not on you. That’s on him, his shitty character and inability to appreciate“
absolutely. adding lack of gratitude.