Unwritten story - 06/08/20 09:13 PM
Hi everyone,
I´m new at the surviving side, link below to my old thread at beginners:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/foru...ain=61248&Number=2877551#Post2877551
Short summary:
When I originally joined the board back in Feb 2018 I was in bad place. I choose my pseudonym "Getting There" to describe my healing journey and as a goal to eventually be in a place of inner happiness and strenght. This journey is naturally a lifelong one, but I would say that I have reached the goal I set to myself nearly two years ago. I remember thinking that I want to be in a place where I am honestly free from thoughts of getting back together. Now I am there.
I received great advises and this forum really was my backbone at the time. I still come back regularly to see what you guys are up to, especially curios always of J9 since it seemed back in the days that what happened to him first, happened to me 6-9 months after haha:)
But this is my first post for a while, and I would really love to hear your feedback on this one!
I (41 yo) have dated beautiful loving woman (34 yo) for a 9 months now, 7 exclusive. We have been very attracted to each other the whole time, but since I have really loved my journey, I have not been in any kind of rush. We have seen each other 1-2 times a week on average. She has been quite fine with that as well, but lately she has brought up more and more concerns about us being emotionally distant when we don´t see each other and that maybe I don´t care of her that much or maybe I don´t even have time for relationship at all. Maybe I have been too cold fish for too long?
Well, she moved to a new place couple of months ago and maybe a month ago told me that her new neighbour has expressed romantic wishes against her. She explained that she told him that she is seeing a great guy and according to her conversation stopped there.
Well, after hearing that I became – surprise, surprise – a bit unsecure and needy. I have tried not to express that to her and have done quite good job there. After I heard that the neighbour had also offered my girlfriend a job and in other occasion explained a business idea he would like her to join I said that “sounds that your neighbour really wants you in her life somehow”. She replied that she needs to keep her eyes open but that she have made perfectly clear to him that she is not single. After this we had one more conversation around this topic in good spirit and that´s it.
However, my GF has 10 years old daughter who likes to play with this neighbours son and they are interacting quite much around this and on some matters related to house. He really is helping her out but my GF says he is like that with everyone. He has also created close relationship with my GF´s daughter and my GF speaks warmly of that.
I don´t feel good that my GF who feels I´m distant spends that much time with the neighbour who is romantically interested in him. I don´t actually know how much they spend time together in the evenings, and I have not asked since I felt it would come out needy.
Problem is, that they are neighbors and their kids come along really well so I really can´t expect all interaction to just stop. And I definitely don´t want to control her. But at the same time I don´t feel safe when this goes on. Should I just continue to focus on myself and being her best option or should I say something along the lines of: “It sounds that you spend quite much time with your neighbor. It feels a bit funny to me that my girlfriend spends more time with another man who is romantically interested in her than with me. How do you feel about that?”
I don´t want to make her feel I´m controlling her, but at the same time I am tempted to address this somehow.
What do the board say?
I´m new at the surviving side, link below to my old thread at beginners:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/foru...
Short summary:
When I originally joined the board back in Feb 2018 I was in bad place. I choose my pseudonym "Getting There" to describe my healing journey and as a goal to eventually be in a place of inner happiness and strenght. This journey is naturally a lifelong one, but I would say that I have reached the goal I set to myself nearly two years ago. I remember thinking that I want to be in a place where I am honestly free from thoughts of getting back together. Now I am there.
I received great advises and this forum really was my backbone at the time. I still come back regularly to see what you guys are up to, especially curios always of J9 since it seemed back in the days that what happened to him first, happened to me 6-9 months after haha:)
But this is my first post for a while, and I would really love to hear your feedback on this one!
I (41 yo) have dated beautiful loving woman (34 yo) for a 9 months now, 7 exclusive. We have been very attracted to each other the whole time, but since I have really loved my journey, I have not been in any kind of rush. We have seen each other 1-2 times a week on average. She has been quite fine with that as well, but lately she has brought up more and more concerns about us being emotionally distant when we don´t see each other and that maybe I don´t care of her that much or maybe I don´t even have time for relationship at all. Maybe I have been too cold fish for too long?
Well, she moved to a new place couple of months ago and maybe a month ago told me that her new neighbour has expressed romantic wishes against her. She explained that she told him that she is seeing a great guy and according to her conversation stopped there.
Well, after hearing that I became – surprise, surprise – a bit unsecure and needy. I have tried not to express that to her and have done quite good job there. After I heard that the neighbour had also offered my girlfriend a job and in other occasion explained a business idea he would like her to join I said that “sounds that your neighbour really wants you in her life somehow”. She replied that she needs to keep her eyes open but that she have made perfectly clear to him that she is not single. After this we had one more conversation around this topic in good spirit and that´s it.
However, my GF has 10 years old daughter who likes to play with this neighbours son and they are interacting quite much around this and on some matters related to house. He really is helping her out but my GF says he is like that with everyone. He has also created close relationship with my GF´s daughter and my GF speaks warmly of that.
I don´t feel good that my GF who feels I´m distant spends that much time with the neighbour who is romantically interested in him. I don´t actually know how much they spend time together in the evenings, and I have not asked since I felt it would come out needy.
Problem is, that they are neighbors and their kids come along really well so I really can´t expect all interaction to just stop. And I definitely don´t want to control her. But at the same time I don´t feel safe when this goes on. Should I just continue to focus on myself and being her best option or should I say something along the lines of: “It sounds that you spend quite much time with your neighbor. It feels a bit funny to me that my girlfriend spends more time with another man who is romantically interested in her than with me. How do you feel about that?”
I don´t want to make her feel I´m controlling her, but at the same time I am tempted to address this somehow.
What do the board say?