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All new to meIt really is crazy out there. The positive cases in our hospital are going up, we are running out of what we need, and the stress level is though the roof. Us case managers and social workers are having a hard time discharging our patient's because post- acute facilties won't take them and they can't go home.
Then this happened today: I get called down to the big bosses office. It turns out that someone who was exposed to 2 positive people unprotected was working in what they call the "fishbowl" which is a small office with a few desks and we work there on the weekend. I worked saturday. They had to inform us. We don't have to quarantine, they still are fine with us working 6 INCHES away from our coworkers. They want us to monitor our temp and symptoms for the next 2 weeks, but go on as we were. I just had this overwhelming stress go through me. I was scared. And frustrated that we can't work from home, when we actually can do our job from home because we are prohibited from most of the bedside now, especially me, because my unit is the COVID unit. But they don't care. Beginning today, all employees get their temp taken upon entry to the hosptial.
It's just stressful. And I feel like if I am going to be in the hospital this stressed anyways, you might as well put me back at the bedside and help where needed.
I'm on day 8 out of 11 in a row at work today. I am tired. But I came home, took D12 and the dog to the park and we did couch 2 5K. We are going ot watch a new show now.
We will all make it through. But lord, I need a break
Something non-COVID related:
I had a disturbing dream last night. I had a dream I was supposed to go on a trip with E and I was at home packing for it and who shows up? M shows up, He really wanted me back and he told me he did really love me and would never hurt me again and it was the real deal. I felt torn in the dream between getting back with him and staying with E. Then I woke up.
I know I said that I wanted a guy who had grown kids because I couldn't handle another loss of a family unit again. But I really miss it. I miss what we had as a "family" with M. M is also very opposite M. Not just towards me, but as a guy. M was your manly man. Hiked, fished, kayaked, snowboard, couldn't fix everything and anything, and was just ruggedd. Huge turn on. E is kind of wimpy, has some night maintenance qualities, likes the good things in life very spoiled, couldn't fix anything, and i probably would save him from death before he was able to save me. It's taking some getting used to. But he is totally into me. He isn't love avoidant. But he is.........weak, A self proclaimed people please, super nice guy, doesn't speak up, etc. But he is sweet, He is interested in me. He is funny. He never gets offended.
I will tell the truth. I know M wasn't treating me the way he should. But I actually thought we had a real future. I think a a part of me hasn't let go of what we built as a "family", I miss it.
I'm clearly a confused woman. And I think maybe I am just meant to be alone.
Well, I had another dream about him last night. I won't detail it, but they are so vivid. He basically lied and screwed me over in it, so maybe that answers my question.
So, I think my ex MIL has COVID. Ive been suspecting it for a few days. Last night he called and she has increasing fever and increasing weakness. SHe was on antibitotics but for a sustpected infection, But they aren't helping. Even if it isn't COVID, she should she go to the hospital. I'm worried about her. He said his sister is being an idiot and she thinks she will be just fine. She is a 65 year old woman who is involved in a community program that supports her living (she is a shcizophrenic). I told him to go get her and bring her. His answer "no way am I putting her in my car!!!" I'll call an ambulance! I said she will get tuck with a big bill. I said glove and mask the both of you up and get her. They didn't and they will today supposedly. I just told him if she can drive herself, I'll meet her at the ED,
I am beginning ot get jealous of those who are working from home. I am tired and I want to stay here! I am off this weekend and D12 and I will chill at home, hopfully get out for a hike, and build her closet. I look forward to staying awa from all of this.
I wish you guys could band together and demand to be allowed to work from home. Isn't there someone you can report the hazardous noncompliance of safety to? OSHA? someone? aside from the fact that I love you and want you to be safe, the bottom line from a practicality perspective is that if you guys get sick, you just add more problems to the mix - I hope that doesn't sound insensitive and you understand what I'm trying to say. this is beyond stupid and utterly incomprehensible. The safety and well being of staff should be of primary concern, for patient wellbeing as well as everyone else's too. UGH.
Stay safe out there my friend. Practice whatever self-care you can.
It was interesting to read your comparison of M vs E. We established a long time ago that I'm not the sort of guy you are attracted to perhaps as I'm not particularly "manly" although I can fix pretty much anything
I've also been following along your musings here for quite some time so like to think that I have a perspective on what attracts you and what doesn't.
What you describe as "manly" includes I think a level of confidence that some would perhaps view as arrogance. A touch of the "bad boy" perhaps. The guys who in high school would get the girls and go through them one after another while science nerds like me were left dateless (no I'm not bitter
) I would expect that they are perhaps statistically more likely to be divorced too. Again, just supposition.
I'm certainly detecting a number of things about E that you aren't respecting. And as we all know, without respect there is no possibility of having a solid relationship.
Anyhoo - enough of me micro-analyzing you. A couple of more days and you'll get a chance to rest a touch. I hope you and your D can unwind and reconnect. This is undoubtedly tough on you both. In the news flow that I can't seem to avoid, you are in one of the bigger hot-spots going right now.
Manly I describe as a guy who is going to protect me even though I can protect myself. Speak up for me, not be a pushover but not be an ahole. Who is I am struggling with something around the house might be able to come over and help out. A guy who could rough it a little. Who takes a little bit of charge and doesn’t leave everything in my hands.
Not a bad boy. I’m too old for a bad boy. I want a responsible take change not afraid to stand up for himself guy. He doesn’t stand up for himself, his kids rule him, and yes, that decreases my respect. Absolutely. It’s like he doesn’t respect himself. Just going along with everyone else I’m fear of rocking a boat i can’t really respect too much. And definitely no arrogance. I hate arrogance. Confidence is separate from arrogance .
But I focus on the good. He’s kind and sweet and wants to make everyone happy. But when that is to detriment of himself and those who surround him, I have a hard time getting behind that.
Time will tell. I can’t even see him. And right now is not a time to make rash decisions. But I will have to, because I know that he thinks we are a great couple that “checks all boxes”
Ginger, thanks to all of you on the frontlines of this effort. We appreciate the sacrifices and hard work. You are the unspoken heroes during these difficult times.
I have not been following your thread regularly but I recall your relationship with E started off well. Some of the things you mentioned about him should have been obvious on day 1. Yet, it was not an issue then but is an issue now. I am curious why you think this is the case?
If I could give one piece of advice, it would be to be patient and not say or do anything you may regret later. This is a stressful timw, especially for you. It likely hurts that he is not by your side at this time to comfort you. It is natural to have some resentment for him staying away from you because his kids wanted it. This may actually amplify your feelings of him not standing up for himself,more than usual.
I am not saying your concerns are not valid. It is possible you are realizing that you are not compatible once the initial limmerance wears off. But it does not hurt to give it time till things calm down especially since you won't be seeing each other for a while anyways.
Take care and stay strong! And thank you!
Hello! ANd thank you!
E and I did start off well. I found he was a very nice guy. I was attracted to him. But as we had more and more dates, I noticed some of the things I mentioned. It started small. It was little things that showed his passiveness. Then I started noticing it in bigger areas of his life. Like with his kids. He has 2 teenage sons that literally walk all over him and rule him. They are spoiled and lazy. E caters to them and encourages it. He is actually scared of them. Well, one of them anyways. He is a self proclaimed people pleaser (I am to to an extent) and also a self proclaimed conflict avoider. One night i asked him to pick up sushi on the way. SOmething simple. He said "you chose the restuaruant , call in the order and I'll get it" and I am like no dude, take care of it! I did tell him that too.
And yes, him staying away because he kids wanted it has me a bit upset. ANd we had a big talk about that last night. My situation isn't going to change. I work in a hospital where COVID patients are. That isn't changing for months. But as we go on, I am now off that unit and it;s locked down. I no longer go into patient's rooms, I wear a mask. I wash my hands raw. We get our temp taken to enter the hospital, etc. Things are evolving. I didn't feel so protected last week, where it was my choice not to be around anyone. It's getting better. ANd I told him when I feel comfortable, that I am the most protected that I will be, I need him to be a man, and make the decision for himself that he feels confident in me and as his a father to tell his kids he will be seeing me again. He understood. He has some thinking to do. But he doesn't want us to end, I know that for sure.
And i made a promise to make no decisions and to be very patient during these times. Right now is not the time for a decision. I'm going ot be patient and kind.
On to day 10 in a row of work.
I think of you often and can't even begin to imagine what your level of stress is during all this. I'm not even remotely qualified to give you advice I just wanted to say I hope you get some relief soon.
My situation isn't going to change. I work in a hospital where COVID patients are. That isn't changing for months.
It’s really interesting to me how all of this is bringing into focus what always was. I totally agree with your first sentence, but your second should have ended halfway though.
“My situation isn’t going to change. I work in a hospital.”
That really sums it up. COVID is going to end at some point. We are going to more clearly see what the real risks have been all along. But something will replace it and you’ve always been at higher risk. Yes you currently may have elevated risk but when the COVID patients are gone there will still be TB patients and H1N1 patients and MRSA patients And HIV patients and hepatitis patients and all sorts of other risks. This has ALWAYS been the case and always will. It won’t end in a couple months. It won’t ever end as long as you work in a hospital. I know Someone that nearly died from his hospital job. He contracted MRSA - they believe while repairing a hospital bed. He worked in hospital maintenance. He was very very sick for a long time and nearly died. It’s part of the gig and always has been. It’s just at times like this that we think about it more.
I went into houses that were on fire where you could not see the hand in front of your face. It’s part of what I did. Es kids, and to some level you, now take it much more seriously or perhaps worry about it more but you could bring something home to E and E could pass it to his kids that has nothing to do with COVID.
As for E, he is who he is. He’s not likely to change. You’ll have to decide whether or not who he is is who you can be with. He’s not going to grow a pair this late in life. He’s not going to turn alpha - not permanently anyhow. He may do it a little here and there, especially if he thinks he might lose you but he won’t change.
It doesn’t sound like you miss him much when he’s not around. You may miss having someone - but not him. I’ve heard you talk about, wow, a dozen guys perhaps over the years. I’ve seen how you think about them, how you feel. It’s just not like that with E. Heck you’re thinking more about M than you are E. He’s not your guy. Doesn’t mean you can’t continue whatever it is you guys are doing. Just be honest with him. That part is important. Don’t lead him to believe something more is going to progress or happen if it’s not. It’s not your fault what he may hope or dream for - just don’t tell him you have feelings that you don’t. The rest will work itself out.
Hang in there and thanks for doing your part. While most of the USA is not yet hit very hard, your area clearly is the hot spot of the country.
Yes, we get exposed to everything there transmission od
COVID is nothing like I’ve ever seen before. Young people talking one second and intubated the next is scary. This is a different beast for sure. But my job will always be an occupational hazard.
As for E, he will always be who he is and I know it will be up to me to decide if it’s right for me. I don’t want to change him. He can’t be changed. I’m just not ready to make any decisions right now. Funny enough, my ex boyfriends are entering my dreams every night. It’s super weird.
My exMIL has COVID. She’s been sick and I told my ex she has it and need to get tested. His sister was fighting it. She thinks she knows everything and didn’t want to lose her help at her house with the kids. I finally insisted, so my ex insisted, and she met me at my Er . Looks like she has it but they were able to send her home. I’m worried though because she lives alone. So my ex SIL did expose herself, her cop husband and her 2 young kids last Friday because she wanted what she wanted and she had her mom come over because she was so convinced it wasn’t COVID. Idiot. The most selfish people are on that family.
My hospital is being turned upside down. We are stopping maternity and turning the maternity ward into a clean sick warn. The recover room is going to be the clean ICU. The regular ICU is the COVID ICU. I continue to work in a small office with 4 others 6 inches apart. The patients are pouring in and lots are ended up intubated. Scary. Very scary. I really just want to go back to bedside and help there.
It is pretty bad where I live. I mean awful. And people keep thanking me for my service as if I’m in the military. I’m not on the front lines but many of my friends are. But I’m right behind those front lines.
Today is day 11 of 11 of work. I have off this weekend and D 12 will be with me. Of course I’m finally off and it’s going to rain.
Eating is like my hobby. Not good. I’m not eating a lot, just bad stuff I need to get back in track. But I am getting exercise almost every day.
Nervous about what I am getting into at work today!
Kas, thank you! Stay safe out there!!!
Big hugs (((Ginger1))). When you stand in the middle of the storm it's hard to see the sunshine but rest assured it's out there.
Ginger,
Please, please stay safe! You and your fellow medical staff are truly the heroes in all of this mess when it comes to taking care of people. No one has any idea just what you see each and every day as this virus continues to take people down. Yes, we see the photos on the news, etc., but no one has any idea just what a toll this is taking on the people in the hospitals and clinics around the world.
I saw on the news last night that patients at a NJ nursing home may have contracted the virus. I'm praying that all remain safe and healthy during this time of crisis.
Hang in there Ginger! We are all very much grateful for the support, love, kindness and compassion that all of the medical staff offers to the patients all around the world.
It’s clearly way worse where you are. It’s very interesting to talk with all my medical friends around the country. A doc friend in the city (NYC) reports much like you do. He says they are very busy but still above water with it all. But then other places are vastly different. One has an overflow tent all set up and ready to go - they have yet to see their first patient. Another was doing drive through testing but had to shut it down. They had all sorts of people showing up demanding to be tested never having seen a doctor or having any symptoms. So finally they shut it down rather than face a fight with nearly every drive up car. They now have a referral format. Another says they are lacking PPE but seeing less patients than normal (she’s not in a Covid related unit) and finally one just got her schedule at her hospital for April and has LESS hours than usual! Lack of PPE seems to be the largest complaint/concern so far outside if hotbed areas like yours.
It really matters where you are. They have “modeled” as many as 1,500 deaths in my state by April 8. As of March 27 we have 14 - most all in their 60s to 80s and in nursing homes. I think the youngest death here so far is 56. It’s hard to believe we will go from 14 deaths to 1,500 in less than two weeks. I certainly hope not. Thankfully the report from the UK that this modeling has been based on has been drastically changed and revised yesterday by the original author who now admits he was wrong - by a factor of magnitudes. We are learning so much more by the day. Is your hospital using the Zithromax and chloroquine treatment? I know New York is doing some large trials with them.
You kinda sound strong in this latest post Ginger which is great. Also interesting how you want to be doing patient care. Maybe you should consider ED at some point down the road. You’d certainly get the variety of action there. Not sure how the pay compares though.
And the dreams about the exes. I’m not a big dream guy - as to what they mean - but does seem telling. Since I go on record early in predicting lots of things - get some right, get some wrong... I’m going to say E is not Mr. Right, he’s clearly just Mr. Right Now.
Don, unless you are in it, it's hard to grasp. And our area is being hit very very hard. Our hosptial is a war zone and we are a small community hospital. Nurses are being cross trained and getting crash courses in critical care. Units are being turned over and we are running out of vents. THe nurses are so so so stressed. It's all around awful. I was told it will be a matter of time before I am back at the bedside. It was the big buzz around the hosptial. Young cop wanted to sign out AMA yesterday. He is intuabted today. I spoke to a young this morning, he is in the ICU pending intubation by the afternoon.
My exMIL is confirmed to have COVID. she is riding it out home alone. Just spiking the temps with weakness and fatigue. Her respiratory status is still good.
As far as E and I. He is NOT the one. I know it. We currently are not talking due to a disagreement. He won't see me. Not because of him but because his kids won't let him. I discussed in depth with a doctor and because i am not at the bedside and I am properly protecting myself and asymptomatic, I am no more of a risk. But he refuses because his sons think he will catch it from me and bring it home. Which doesn't work that way, He sons dont even go within 6 feet of him. His one son sleeps until 5pm. It's not like they cuddle and watch a movie. It's all just BS. I am just fed up with it. He is not the one and I don't really think there is a one anymore. Too many years of too much BS and my standards may be near impossible for anyone to meet. But I am not lowering them.
I miss M. I miss him and his family alot. I know it wouldn't have worked the way he was. But I did for sure love him. I did for sure love his son. And I am heartbroken still. And still really angry at him, Alone seems to be the better route. I'm good at it.
Tomorrow my former dog is being put down. ANd I found out that They can't go in with him. They have to hand him to them on the outside. My doggie is going to die without his family with him. That breaks my heart.
I'm finally breaking down a bit. I hope to rest this weekend. I have no idea what I am walking into on Monday. I need ot be prepared for anything.
I'm just tired and oh so sad.
((Ginger)) Put your feet up and I'lll send you some virtual foot rubs. All while keeping the wine glass filled, snacks within reach and your puppy entertained.
My son in law is similarly embarrassed by the whole "thank you for your service" thing but then spent 10 months at sea. Know that even though you think of what you are doing as just doing your job, that the rest of us know that you are putting yourself between us and harms way. We do very much appreciate it.
I'm sorry about your puppy honey. I wish they could do this a different way, so family could be with him.
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
Oh I’m so very sorry to hear about your old dog. Having to go through that like this is another of the very unfortunate pieces to all of this. I’m hearing the same thing happening with people not being able to be with loved ones or critical non- COVID patients not having visitors at the end. I sooooo hope it’s worth it because it’s piling onto the suffering. I’m just sorry.
The fear of his sons is what’s happening all over. Fear has taken over and replaced any sense of reason for too many. It’s fear of the unknown and they will go through any length no matter what to feel safe - regardless if they are any safer or not - they just want to FEEL SAFE. I most relate it to when HIV first hit. Surgeons refused to operate. Rooms were like isolation areas. People did not want to touch or hug an HIV patient for fear of getting it. This just seems so much the same.
Don’t give up on finding someone. You very well may. I won’t kid you, what you feel in being more picky and doubting you’ll find the right fit is common. I dont know if it’s aging or expierence or what. But don't give up. Rather get good with being you and living your best life without an SO and if it does happen it will be a big bonus.
Having some time off would help. I’m sure having someone to hug or snuggle with would be even better. Perhaps that’s why you’re even more frustrated with E. Just more confirmation he’s not the one. Hang in there and get some down time.
G- you’re NOT low risk. By your own admission you’re not able to keep 6 feet from your coworkers. And you enter a building every day where patients have been.
Surveillance studies in Iceland showed 50% of people who tested positive were asymptomatic . So you don’t know which of your apparently healthy coworkers might expose you. You need to be wearing a mask at work, covering your keyboard with glad wrap and replacing it frequently, washing hands frequently.
My niece who is an ECMO nurse and has two family members at home with underlying conditions takes off her clothes in the mud room when she gets home and goes straight to the shower in a bathroom that is dedicated to her only.
The problem here is not him maintaining - appropriate - social distance from you. It’s that he’s not doing the other things that might make you feel supported. Like dropping off home cooked meals on your doorstep. Like having well thought out Skype dates with you. Or even visits by standing in your yard and waving through the glass window. You get the idea.
You’re not missing M, you’re missing the fantasy you had of M. Don’t forget that he wasn’t what you thought he was. But you have a good idea of what you would like your future mate to be like, and sounds like E is missing the mark.
Everything KML said - word for word. I get that E and his sons are nervous. Public is being told to quarantine. But if he wants to court you, there are so many other ways he could do that and he hasn’t stepped up. He doesn’t seem bad, but maybe lazy? Or just doesn’t know how to pursue a woman. That’s his problem not yours though, cause he’s gonna lose out if he hasn’t already. Sounds like you know your worth. And sometimes people show wh they are in a crises. You got to see early.
And you might not be bedside, but All of you guys deserve the cheers and accolades you are getting. You guys deserve so much more ! And that includes before COVID. I will never forget that one nurse in Sloan that held my hand during the entire surgery in which I wasn’t allowed to use general anesthesia. - I always remember that nurse for doing something small but comforting to me. You guys are doing big stuff an I am so ashamed by our president but in awe of all of you guys.
Don- Ginger is from an area unlike other areas in the country. It’s high density and diverse. I’m hoping what’s going on here is not a predictor for what’s to come in other areas. And I’m sure you would not want to invite any of us over for dinner right now. But there’s a sentiment out there in other parts of the country that this is all being hyped up by the media and this sentiment is continually perpetuated by the president. I’m not sure if that’s what you were getting at in your comment - but it’s that overall belief that’s making it hard for healthcare personnel to get equipment. And it’s simply not the case out here. It’s really hitting hard. Maybe your friend works at a hospital not being designated the COVID cases? But a lot hospitals out here are being overrun. My ex has it and is really sick, my sons friends parents have it and are sick. And I mean sick like fever for 10 days going - getting admitted to hospital sick. Not just low key sick stay home and watch soaps. I get that people think it’s political - but come on already if The whole world is saying it’s a problem it’s a problem.
And thanks ginger - for giving us the real deal on this.
Hope you are having a good break from work. Much deserved and overdue. I cannot even imagine being in your shoes
I need him to be a man, and make the decision for himself
I don't think you will like what I have to say, but I am going to give you my honest opinion. I think he is being a man and making the decision for himself. He is choosing to prioritize the safety of his kids. He is choosing to prioritize the wishes of his kids and allay their fears. I am not sure I can blame him either.
Now, what he is not being a man about is telling you how he really feels and choosing to say he is doing this because his sons said so.
make the decision for himself that he feels confident in me and as his a father to tell his kids he will be seeing me again.
I feel that you are asking him to prioritize your wishes over that of his kids. That's a pretty big ask. Personally, I would put my kids first without any second thought. I would actually lose respect for any person that prioritizes someone they have been dating for 3 months over their kids. If they can do that to their kids what's to say they won't do it to their partner if someone else comes into their life later?
I think you have decided that E is not right for you, probably with good reason. I feel that you are trying to justify breaking up with him. He is a nice guy, cares about you and thinks you check all the boxes so you need to find good reasons for why it his fault to not feel guilty. Seems like a story with most WAW.
I know I could very well be wrong here, but wanted to give you my honest opinion.
Stay strong and fight the good fight. Thank you and your co-workers for everything you are doing
MLC-
I am ok with everything you said. I agree with it in a way.. Yes, I guess he should respect his kids wishes. It's the way he goes about doing that. I know his kids rule him. I know he is fearful of his own kids. His kids can only have bottled water, so he was out looking for it. These kids had no problem exposing dad because they can't use water from the tap with a BRita filter. When his kids made this decision, they were having friends over in their garage to lift weights. They also did not cancel their trip and had also just come off a plane! They get take out food multiple times a day. Not afraid of that! His kids are basically spoiled brats and E is scared of them. ANd for me that's what gets under my skin. E was also continuing going to Physical therapy after he made this decision. A PT who is seeing a bunch of random people from the community and having physical contact. He didn't stop until I called him out on the double standard. As you can see, I hate double standards. But you are right, he should respect his kids wishes.
I will say you are not correct on me trying to make it his fault as to why I break up with him. I don't need him to be at fault Those reasons would not be his fault. It would be me knowing this is why he isnt for me. That's not on him at all. It's on me. These qualities are just not what I am looking for. That's not his fault at all. He is who he is and he is going to stay who he is. He's not a bad guy. Which is why this makes it more difficult for me ot break up with him. I really do appreciate your feedback and it opened my eyes to some things. And i will say you are right, he should respect his sons wishes. I just can't stand double standards.
KML and JUju, I think you ladies got this right as to why this is also irritating me. I think if he did some nice thoughtful things I would be oK with this separation. He calls, he texts....... we facetimed once because he thought I was breaking up with him. But yeah, I have actually thought how nice it would be if he made me some of the food he keeps taking pictures of and sending me and dropped it off. I have hinted multiple times about wanted something in particular to eat, or I have even said " oooh, bring me some!" never has. He only lives 15 minutes away. I suggested a date where we keep a 6 foot distance and he actually said "what's the point if we can't touch eachother?" He touts himself as a romantic, but hasn't done anything romantic yet. I even got this game that is a bunch of questions for couples to get to know eachother better and I sent him a picture of a card each night. I am trying. I really am. But I know men don't think like us women, and it is unfair of me to think he would do any of these things for me. They w ould keep my interest while we are in this situation. But then again, he was already acting like we were a married couple.
I don't know. I have become very hard to date, I admit it. I think I finally had enough after M. He was the straw that broke the camel's back. I spent a year being patient with him, letting us do things his way, being his main support, only for him to dump me. I just cannot be that person anymore. ANd i feel bad for anyone who dates me now, because my standards are way high.
I guess my plan going forward is for me to not try to hard during this unknown period of how long we are going ot be apart. I am not going to say anything anymore about his decision not to see me. I am not going to be the one to keep this things we have alive. I bet without any effort on his part it just dies off. Maybe he steps up to the plate and I become more attracted. WHo knows. But I take the blame for my part in this, for sure.
Your not impossible to date and your not setting standards that are too high. He just hasn’t done anything to attract you to him. I think a lot of these guys - 2nd time around settle down pretty quick into married mode and move out of courtship mode as quick as they can. That was my last boyfriend and it’s just laziness. I disagree that you are acting like a walkaway wife. You are in the beginning phases trying to determine if you want to pursue a relationship with him and all the things your upset over are pretty understandable. It’s your inner voice coming out. And that’s what dating is for - to determine if you want to pursue or end things. You straight out told him to bring you some food. If he didn’t do that then that’s pretty lame.
Ginger,
Thanks for keeping an open mind to the feedback. I do understand there are a lot of things about E that make him the wrong person for you. I am not trying to defend him. The reason for my feedback is to help you see blind spots on your side so that they are not an issue in your relationship when you eventually find Mr. Right. And yes, given all the positives in you I am sure you will find Mr. Right in due time!
MLC-
He is who he is and he is going to stay who he is. He's not a bad guy. Which is why this makes it more difficult for me ot break up with him.
One of the things this forum teaches a lot is that 'nice guys' can sometime be worse than 'bad guys' in some ways. From what you have said, E does seem to exhibit NGS tendencies which may be the reason he is so annoying to you. His NGS may also explain why you were initially attracted to him but are not now since many with NGS can put on a fake persona but the mask wears off over time. Hence, breaking up with him because he is a nice guy is not something to feel guilty about. Just make sure you have clarity on why he is not the right person for you since that will help you in your next relationship or rather avoid starting a relationship with the wrong person and save you the heartache next time
MLC-
I don't know. I have become very hard to date, I admit it.
I don't see it that way at all. E seems totally into you and that shows you are not hard to date. The problem is not that you are hard to date but you have high expectations and people you date don't live up to that. So, it is hard for you to date which is different from you being hard to date. Subtle but big difference here. Note that there is nothing wrong with that but just make sure your expectations are not unreasonable. I went through a phase of online dating where I got many matches but I decided not to meet some of them after chatting on the app and some others did not go beyond the first date. My initial thought was that I was hard to date but I soon realized I was rejecting people or giving out a vibe to potential dates that I was not interested. Between taking care of the kids when I had them and my work schedule, I was so busy that I actually felt relieved to have some time for myself if a date got canceled for whatever reason. More importantly, I realized I was actually mostly contented with my life. Subconsciously my attitude was that while finding someone compatible would be nice, I was not unhappy without being in a relationship. As a result, my standards were high and unfortunately the people who could meet my expectations were already taken
So, don't be hard on yourself. Enjoy the good in your life, play the cards you are dealt and let life take its course. As for the immediate future, stay safe till this pandemic is behind us. God protect us all!
More importantly, I realized I was actually mostly contented with my life. Subconsciously my attitude was that while finding someone compatible would be nice, I was not unhappy without being in a relationship. As a result, my standards were high and unfortunately the people who could meet my expectations were already taken
OMG who is this guy.
. Great, great comments and perspective. I could not agree more.
Ginger, while perhaps bad that you’re not finding Mr. Right, it’s beyond good, great even, how you are growing. I also agree with the others: You are not hard to date. Hard to keep, perhaps? That’s not a bad thing. I think you are doing much better than you may realize.
There is a quote that says something like once you get really good at being alone your standards do go way high.
There is a quote that says something like once you get really good at being alone your standards do go way high.
certainly seems true
Thinking of you G. Stay safe. xo
Thanks for all the great feedback. I must say it's even harder to see clearly living in a surreal world. I ended up apologizing to E. However I did find what I suspected. His decisions was something that was heavily influenced by his exW. He said she came in scared the kids, and gave him a guilt trip. I told him when he sees me again, his decision should be solely his and not because his ex W now grants him permission.
My standards are really high. ANd I would venture to guess it is because I am ok alone. I am not needing anything from anyone.. Nothing like money, parenting, etc. I have a career, house, friends. etc. I can enjoy time alone. I need/want, strength, companionship, chemistry, and an enjoyable time. We are continuing to talk, he speaks often about he can't wait to see me, etc. I don't know. I am not in a clear state of mind to make any decisions. I do think I am learning and I haven't stopped learning in the last 12 years. I would like to reap the benefits of my education, how ever.
This is lonely to go through alone. I think this is the time where having some secutrity and going throught this with your partner would be nice. I think a time like this is when you realize how alone you are in this. That security isn't there.
My D and i had kind a big weekend here. ANd it was our first on lockdown together since it began. We had a good time together. SHe doesn't spend time in her room. SHe wants to be with me all the time. She still loved me!!! She even switched her day with her dad so she could be with me on April Fools Day (which I forgot was him and his wifes anniversary) because they are no fun to prank and mom is fun and they are not.
I am getting more nervous at work. As of yesterday our hospital was 63% COVID positive patients. And we had more waiting in the ED. They transformed another unit and the one I am sitting on now is getting transformed. Our lcommunity hospital has become a COVID hospital. There was 1 more who ended up in the ICU yesterday and another one who was a DNR who ended up in respiratory distress and on comfort care. We need more ICU beds. We had a convo in huddle that we have nurses from other hospitals in our system. ANd they starting taking an inventory of our skill set. I am first to go. I am the youngest and healthiest. Everyone else is waiting for retirement and in their 60's. The other younger one is part time and having anxiety attacks everyday. I have the skill set they are looking for. Im a critical care nurse. SO, it'll be me. ANd while I want to help, well, I am scared. It's scary. We also have an outbreak at a SNF we send our patient's too and it's all over the news and I have the patients from there.
So, that's my real time update on the inside COVID.
Thanks for the update Ginger. Stay safe out there please. Many people are worried about you and care.
Ginger,
I am so glad that you and your D had a great weekend. I do hope you got some rest while you were home as well.
We are all concerned about you and what you are facing each and every day on the front lines. We all care and are very worried. Please, please stay safe out there!
Your weekend sounds great Ginger. This is definitely a surreal time. Be careful and stay safe!!! (((HUGS)))
Ginger -
First of all, prayers for you, you are so brave.
Second, here's some things that might be useful to take as preventives (based on research, mostly on other coronaviruses or other +ssRNA viruses like Dengue and Chikungunya):
- caffeic acid - 200 mg in a cup of coffee or Life Extension sells Green Coffee Extract capsules that have 400 mg in one capsule but only 12 mg caffeine . Study last year showed effectiveness in the lab against a different coronavirus.
- andrographis - has been studied for its antiviral properties against dengue fever, which is a +ssRNA virus like the coronaviruses.
- vitamin D - deficiency results in poor immunity
- quercetin, the good stuff in onions and apples, may also have some beneficial antiviral properties.
- vitamin C
Fibrosis of the lungs in coronavirus infection appears to be related to activation of EGFR, melatonin and ECGC from green tea block EGFR and may be useful to prevent this in people who have the virus.
Third - re: E - I know you really want him with you but as I stated before, you ARE high risk even now and I don't think it is unreasonable to be physically distancing from you right now. I wouldn't blame him for that. Like I said, it's more about whther he's doing the right things within the confines of physical distancing to make you feel supported.
You all have been so wonderfully supportive and I really appreciate it.
My physical health is good. I am taking supplements. Trying to get exercise when I can and I’m protecting myself at work.
My mental health is blah. It’s not bad per say, but what I am seeing is so sad. It simply makes me sad to see there people fine one second and near death another . It’s tough. There are lots more goals of cares discussion and comfort care measures. It’s just hard to see.
I’m so lucky to have an income though. I am so thankful that my job is certainly not in danger and I can pay my bills.
I struggle with the fact I want to help. I’ve been thinking about offering some extra shifts on the weekend at the bedside. But some think I’m crazy to willingly put myself on the frontline because I have a child.
Anyways. I am well and appreciate all the love
Oh, and E and I are not physically seeing eachother. Who knows when it will be ok again. And yes, he could be doing a lot better with our situation. But it is what it is.
I can't imagine what you're facing daily.. you're in my prayers xoxoxo
Ginger,
I know that you want to help wherever you can, but you need to get as much as you can over the weekends. If you want to offer assistance, maybe do either Saturday or Sunday, but not both. You need time to recharge your battery.
We have a few engineers in my county who are working on converting breast pumps into ventilators. They are a young team of people who are going to figure this out and are asking for donations of breast pumps from moms who may have stored them away. Who would have thought of such an idea before this crisis?
Every day, I look around at all of the people who are attempting to help others, i.e., either by donations or trying to figure out ways of converting items into something that can be used by the hospitals.
We are all in this together...we are all thankful for those who are risking their lives every day. Please, please be safe out there.
So glad everything is OK, same with us but partner has to work in the ER again this Saturday and of course she
is now a COVID nurse.
At 67 years old this is scary stuff.
She is all suited up with the hazmat gear, takes off her clothes in garage, puts it all in a plastic bag,
and straight to washing machine.
Everyone in her house works in a hospital.
So scary about that too.
Love to everyone from us.
So glad everything is OK, same with us but partner has to work in the ER again this Saturday and of course she
is now a COVID nurse.
At 67 years old this is scary stuff.
She is all suited up with the hazmat gear, takes off her clothes in garage, puts it all in a plastic bag,
and straight to washing machine.
Everyone in her house works in a hospital.
So scary about that too.
Love to everyone from us.
I was just thinking about your partner the other night wondering if she was still working the ED. I was hoping she wasn’t....... I’m thinking of her everyday, and you also, as I know you must be worried .
She’s one tough cookie with a big heart that lady!!!
Yeah 2 more years for ER.
Thanks and (((HUGS))) back at you.
Yeah 2 more years for ER.
Thanks and (((HUGS))) back at you.
hope all stay safe xoxo
What a bad, bad day. First, my aunt is in the ER, and not mine this time and she is pretty sick and my cousin is freaking because she can't be with her. At work there are some very sad cases. People are going on comfort care and no one can be with them when they die. We had a husband and wife here both with the diagnosis. The wife was transferred to our sister hospital. The man is discharged home, but his wife is dying. He can't be with her. We must have cried 5 times today, me and my counterparts.
So, from my other hospital, which is the sister hospital I speak of, we got some opportunites for Critical Care refresher courses and all the crash courses we need to get back to the bedside. I signed up for 2 because they are on the weekend. I am going to ask my boss if I can go to the ones during the week. I want to be ready. Who knows what will happen to my role anyways. But I want to do this. I think this is a sign. ANd i was doing this prerequisite coursework and remember a lot. I am still have the clinician in me.
ANd lastly. My ex called me tonight saying his mom has chest pain and a cough now. I told him he has to get right over to the hospital. She is driving herself even though she is so weak. I know how this progresses and this isn't good. She needs to be hosptialized.
It's been a rough day. Just emotional. The work we are doing is actually slow. I would rather be at the bedside using my skill. It's truly a war. ANd maybe others in different parts of the country think this is being blown out of proportion, but it;s not. I thought the same thing until it came here and i am deep inside of it. This is no joke.
For self care I am drinking and eating too much, lol. I am still exercising and spending quality time with my D. We get out when the weather is good. This weekend will be nice and i will be alone so I plan to work on my yard and maybe take a nice hike with the pup. I know E should stay away from me. He is. I am. We talk every day, He tells me often he misses me. ANd me? I miss someone else. Messed up, I know. But really, my focus is elsewhere. It's rough out there. Stay safe folks.
At work there are some very sad cases. People are going on comfort care and no one can be with them when they die. We had a husband and wife here both with the diagnosis. The wife was transferred to our sister hospital. The man is discharged home, but his wife is dying. He can't be with her.
I’ve heard so many variations of these stories - both with and without COVID 19 but clearly because of it. It’s just so sad. I’m not even going to argue if it’s right or wrong. Probably could argue a good case on both sides and the arguments would be different for in and out of the hotspot areas. Its again just among the countless unintended consequences and fallout of the path we are on. It’s just really sad to hear about. I can’t even imagine living it. So sorry that you are.
I know E should stay away from me. He is. I am. We talk every day, He tells me often he misses me. AND me? I miss someone else. Messed up, I know. But really, my focus is elsewhere.
Ullll, aweeee, ouch. Just bad timing, I know - really bad timing. I just can’t help but think this is not fair to him. I would not want to be E - thinking he found a great girl and really misses her and she misses him too - but only she really doesn’t. I would be really upset and VERY PO’d. I’d rather know the truth, but that’s me. I just hope you’re being honest with him. He does deserve that. You can be honest without breaking it off - if you’re not yet ready to. I know there is so much else to occupy your brain right now but just don’t make it worse for him. Put yourself in his shoes. If he keeps getting attached and falls in love with you, if that’s not happened already, it’s going to be that much harder when you end it. Imagine if the roles were reversed and you were telling him how much you missed him while he was secretly missing an ex. You’d be even more upset, I know you would. You’d think it wasn’t fair. Don’t keep him around until you find someone or get through this stressful time - at least not without letting him know you’re not where he is and you never may be. That’s my two cents on it.
I know. I want to be fair to him. But I made it sound worse than it is. Someone keeps invading my dreams like every night and it’s messing me up. I actually do miss E a bit. I’m not ready to let him go yet. But I do know I have to be fair to him. And if he gets in too deep and I don’t.... I promise to address that.
I can’t sleep. I wake up around 4-5 just thinking. I don’t have a good feeling about my ex MIL. I haven’t and I kind of knew this was coming . Which is why I made my ex check on her multiple times a day. I’m pretty sure I’m going into work and she will be there. My ex was very thankful to me. And I can he’s a bit scared. And he said he’s the only one who was even trying to help her, aside from me. He’s the only one convincing her to go to the hospital. She’s the only good one in that family. She’s been through such h3ll. And D loves her so so so much. D checks on her, defends her when other family members are not nice to her and they have a very special bond . She can’t lose her.
I’m working in my office alone today because my other 2 coworkers are off. While it’s recommended to work apart, my 2 partners in crime keep me sane throughout the day . They will be back tomorrow .
Oh, and my ex didn’t get paid because NY didn’t sign the budget yet. My stepmother didn’t get paid either ( same job) so he asked if he could hold off on child support . I figured as much and of course said fine. He’s never been late and I get paid next to nothing from him so I told him whenever he gets paid is fine.
I was dreading this weekend because I was going to be all alone. But I’ve got big outdoor plans in nice weather so I’m looking forward to it now
Hope your ex-MIL gets better. Hopefully she can get some of the promising drug therapies.
One of my patients who has had it (I'm sure, although testing was not available to her) feels weird still (although her breathing is fine and no fever anymore). She thinks perhaps she might be experiencing a mild version of the neurological symptoms doctors have been reporting in some patients. She's 2 1/2 weeks into this and 10 days out from the start of treatment with azithromycin and hydroxychloroquine, which definitely made a big difference, but what I'm seeing in all four of my outpatient cases is a long, up and down course of recovery.
So exMIL was admitted to floor I am sitting on. My exSIL has been driving me a bit a crazy. Pretty sure she is feeling guilty. THey all gave me permission to speak with the doctors and Her attending doctor has been great with me. She's one of the hospitalists. SHe told me to call her anytime at all. She told me to make sure she prones (lay on her stomach) because they find early proning for 12-16 hours a day is showing a reduction in ARDS. She is only on 2 L of O2 but gets pretty short of breath on exertion. SHe is on paquenil/azithromycin, however, she is also on psyche meds so they have to monitor her QT interval closely. I hope she gets better instead of worse, there is no rhyme or reason on which way it will go.
My day was not so good yesterday. D12 locked the dog in my bedroom by accident and I had to kick the door in and it broke. I worked with this case manager yesterday who is completely paranoid and anxiety ridden and thinks we are all going to die.
Then I got the email. My other hospital wants my current manager to release me from my duties temporarily to work in their ICU. I went through so many emotions. I want to help. I have the skill. I don't feel like I am doing much in my role now. I am also scared and some people made me feel like if I did it, it would be selfish because I have a daughter and I am a single/divorced mom. The end result is my manager is not willing to release me. But they want me to do some per diem shifts on the weekends. I told them I only have 2 a month to give. They may want me. I don't know. We never know what we are getting into.
I was just in a really bad place mentally yesterday. I can't sleep past 5am anymore. But I am happy its friday. I am off the weekend, I work for 2 days, then I am off for 6. Thank God.
I'm sorry about your ex-mil.. I hope she gets better soon.
As for you, my dear - source yourself first, or you cannot be there for anyone else, child, pet, family, work ...
I'm proud of you. I cannot imagine how hard this is every day, yet you do it. xoxoxo
ps doors can be replaced. later.
She's 2 1/2 weeks into this and 10 days out from the start of treatment with azithromycin and hydroxychloroquine, which definitely made a big difference, but what I'm seeing in all four of my outpatient cases is a long, up and down course of recovery.
Thanks for this info, new york is still outlawing the use of this because of our govenor, I hope this changes soon.
Maybe not your field of expertise kml but do you think this treatment might help for other virus's in the future?
That would be a silver lining to this mess.
Praying that your xMIL recovers as well as all of the patients that you are seeing on your floor.
As for the door, bttrfly is right...the door can be replaced. You had to do what you needed to do to get to Beanie.
Stay safe.
Thanks for this info, new york is still outlawing the use of this because of our govenor, I hope this changes soon.
Are you sure about this? A few governors, including Michigan and Nevada had tried to play doctor by telling the real doctors how to practice medicine but since the FDA approved this treatment earlier this week, it is no longer considered off label. In fact now the Michigan governor is complaining they can’t get enough of the drug she previously banned (for this use) and now she wants help increasing supplies. Some of these responses and really goons are so frustrating. But it appears New York physicians are using this regiment - at least I think they are.
Thanks for this info, new york is still outlawing the use of this because of our govenor, I hope this changes soon.
Are you sure about this? A few governors, including Michigan and Nevada had tried to play doctor by telling the real doctors how to practice medicine but since the FDA approved this treatment earlier this week, it is no longer considered off label. In fact now the Michigan governor is complaining they can’t get enough of the drug she previously banned (for this use) and now she wants help increasing supplies. Some of these responses and really goons are so frustrating. But it appears New York physicians are using this regiment - at least I think they are.
I dont know for sure but because this was based on a report from Stoneybrook hospital on the patients on ventilators.
They are NOT being given the drug to my knowledge.
I pray I am wrong.
After Saturday I will get a report from the ER nurse that I will marry and will know with more first hand knowledge and not relying on the news.
As soon as I find out I will report back.
So, I’m struggling because I am torn. I really feel helpless in all of this . I have skills that could help people on the frontlines. But I’m sitting behind a desk instead. It doesn’t feel right. I am also torn because if I do willingly ask to go to the front lines temporarily , am I not putting my child first? Most are forced into this this, I guess. It would be voluntary at this point. Although I truly believe I will be forced because the peak isn’t here yet. But am I not putting my child first if I make this a choice?
I really am torn. I hate going to work, doing my paperwork job, because the bedside part can not be done anymore. I do help get these people discharged to home, but it’s not enough.
This is crazy .
I’m other news, I enjoyed my weekend with me myself and I. And the dog . I needed it for sure.
We were supposed to be going on our cruise today. Oh well.
Well g I am a numbers guy so I would be interested to know the infection rate of the medical workers that are directly fighting this on the front line who are taking the proper precautions. I assume you would be provided additional compensation???
Just a different perspective here Ginger. You are in the job that you are in because you are a capable, hard working woman. I can presume that since it is a more senior, more responsible job than bedside and that you are touching and influencing many many outcomes, whether that be in the inbound, active care or outbound sides (I honestly have no idea what it is you do specifically).
If you were at the bedside you could certainly directly impact the outcomes and care for certain patients. A much smaller number than if you stayed where you are. And then someone else, who hasn't been trained for it, would need to be pulled out of their job to do the one you are doing and they won't do it as well.
And while we all know that you are a tough Jersey broad, you have as DnJ would say, a soft and squishy heart. You invest yourself in your patients. And there's going to be a lot of heartache in the days and probably weeks to come. And setting aside the real tragedy involved, it would impact your ability to provide on-going patient care.
It's a time for making tough choices. There are no easy ones. I wish I had something better to offer. (((Ginger1)))
Well g I am a numbers guy so I would be interested to know the infection rate of the medical workers that are directly fighting this on the front line who are taking the proper precautions. I assume you would be provided additional compensation???
Well my hero nurse is OK so far (and working ER with covid patients) so far so good but that does not mean she is out of the woods yet.
She has self quarantined when not at work.
Since their are 4 people (including her small grandson) in her house.
NO extra pay.
The real issue is when she goes from covid patients to supposed non covid patients without full PPE equipment.
That seems to be where her risk is at right now.
Who knows whether the patient had covid and is just undiagnosed or not ( this just happened) and
has us all scared.
My hero nurse just told me that she sends her love to you and little G.( who is not so little anymore)
And I send the same.
Cadet, prayers for HN (hero nurse) that she stays safe through all of this. xoxo
Andrew, I agree with you completely. G. Andrew makes an excellent point about you doing the job you're in because you're very qualified and pulling you from that will mean someone less qualified would have to step in.
Andrew made a great point- your job is important and needs someone experienced in it. I wouldn’t volunteer to work with patients with COVID. You are a single mom. Your daughter is your main responsibility.
Other professions likes school janitors are getting hazard pay and you guys aren’t as of yet. Teachers are fighting about possibly having to administer computer work during the Easter break and you guys don’t have appropriate PPEs.
Just get through this. There’s a lot more to come so stay healthy now and maybe wait and see ifs mandated later as more healthcare workers get sick
I'm a single mom and nope I'm not putting myself at risk unless I have to. My kids come first.
I do agree what I do is important. But when it comes down to it, we need to save them to discharge them, ya know. But yes, I manage to go get people home with what they need when they go. We can anticipate problems, make room in the hospital for patients who need the beds. That is important. I really get what a soldier feels like wanting to fight for his country though. Kas, I wish it was that simple. But when you have a specialized set of skills that can save lives, it isn't a no-brainer. For now,
My friend who we were supposed to cruise with..... her sister is a nurse. She got it. One of our nurses on who I just found out is newly pregnant. SHe got it. OUr healthcare workers are beginning to get it. Our ID doc, his mother is not doing well. Yesterday we put more patient's on comfort care after terminal extubation.
My exMIL actually fared pretty well and got discharged yesterday, SHe and my ex gave my case manager fried a hard time about something and gave her attitude. Not surprising.
I got home and took a nice long walk with my doggie. It was beautiful here. Cooked a nice dinner. Today is supposed to be my last day of work until next monday, but i think they are going to beg me to come in on friday. . We were told we may be denied vacation through the summer depending on whats going on. Awesome.
As far as E. We are over and done. He has done nothing to keep this alive. I have tried though. I tried ot make a FT time date saturday night which he ditched me for to watch a disney movie. Before that we were on the phone, he got cut off, said he would call me right back and never did. He was talking about hard this is. We could have went on a hike this weekend, but he feels no point if we cant be physical. My friends have offered help like if they go to the store, they will get me something. He has offered me nothing. Even his dad was trying to tell him he needs to do something like send flowers during this , and he said "no one sends flowers anymore". 1) yes they do, 2) your dad was giving you an example, but he was telling you to do SOMETHING.
So, I got upset when he didn't call me back and he told me he was eating dessert and was going ot watch a disney movie and maybe he would facetime me later. When we were supposed to "have a date" I told him, don't bother to call, Ill be asleep by then, I guess our date was cancelled. He said nothing except send me a sad face and i have not heard from him for 2 days. It's over and done. I am not sad, I don't feel like anything is missing from my life, he clearly wasn't adding to it.
More and more and more I realize how I prefer to be alone. I am good alone. Unless you really add something great to my life, I am just fine without a partner. Yeah, I miss physical touch emotional intamacy, but I haven't found a guy who could properly give me any of that. I take care of myself . I am happy on my own. I may never find someone. But i think I'll be just fine. I have been single pretty much most of my adult life. Maybe one day when my child is on her own, I'll find that partner who wants to do stuff together and have some fun. A companion. I never got the family life and that's ok. It wasn't meant for me. My daughter and i are a family.. Maybe I'll just find a good companion in the next phase of my life.
ANyways, dreading to go to work, but thankful I have a few days off.
We could have went on a hike this weekend, but he feels no point if we cant be physical.
Honey, this sentence tells you what he's all about.
My friends have offered help like if they go to the store, they will get me something. He has offered me nothing. Even his dad was trying to tell him he needs to do something like send flowers during this , and he said "no one sends flowers anymore". 1) yes they do, 2) your dad was giving you an example, but he was telling you to do SOMETHING.
Hope he enjoys his solitude.
@$$.
We could have went on a hike this weekend, but he feels no point if we cant be physical.
Honey, this sentence tells you what he's all about.
I had the same thought when I saw this. Sure I could see feeling and wanting the same and even saying so but I’d also add in that it will still be nice to get together and I’ll take what I can get right now.
How did you find out about his dads suggestions? Not the sharpest knife in the drawer that he would tell you, “my dad said I should send you flowers but I told him people don’t do that anymore” Thing is, he’s half right, people in FWB Rs don’t do that. It almost seems like that’s how he may have looked at this. He also seems checked out. Not calling you back, Choosing Disney and desert over FT does as well. I actually did a FT date of sorts last night (long story and it’s complicated, well kinda) but I would certainly not call her my GF to my dad - or anyone else.
Last thought, he was telling you how much he missed you. I even “scolded” you to not lead him on. Turns out he may have needed the scolding. His words were not matching his actions. “I really miss you” so you say let’s do a walk and he says what’s the point. “I really miss you” so you say let’s do a FT date and he blows you off. “I really miss you” so he doesn’t call you back after a dropped call. Starting to sound like he really meant “I Really miss sex with you”.
I wished him luck in the future and told him to stay safe.
He sent me a sad face emoji. A freakin’ emoji. Although he communicates like that. He is 51.
Ugh. Here I go again on my own. Not that he was adding anything to my life anyways
Sorry to hear G, glad you recognized his lack of effort and pulled the plug. You certainly could have done things to keep in touch Face Time calls, etc.
Girl! This is progress! You're seeing that he's not stepping up to the plate like you deserve and you're calling it off! I love it!
I mean, I'm really sorry that you are disappointed once again in a guy. BUT - this is big progress on your part not to keep doing all the work trying to keep something alive when it's obviously not working for you. You didn't spend a year this time! Yay! The less time you spend on fruitless relationships like this one, the more chances you have to meet a guy who is right for you.
Who knows whether the patient had covid and is just undiagnosed or not ( this just happened) and
has us all scared.
UPDATE - patient tested NEGATIVE from covid - Thank goodness!!
So, He wanted to have a phone conversation. It was actually quite hilarious. I think he thought he was breaking up with me.........he wanted to assure me I had done absolutely nothing wrong and he doesn't want me for a minute to think what we had wasn't real. I had to bite my tongue from laughing. He went on to tell me how wonderful and perfect I am . But he just doesn't know how long this quarantine is going to last and everything is so crazy now, He is expressed he is freaked out by the pandemic and by the fact I am a nurse. He went on about how he hoped we can still talk because and maybe one day if when things go back to normal that he can reach out to me again and see what happens. That's where I halted it. I told him "you only want something to do with me when everything is hunky dory? Sorry, but this showed me that you are runner when things get tough and I am not a fairweather girlfriend" he said, OMG, you are right. You are aboslutely right. I am have never been good at handling situations in adversity and I am conflict avoidant. I told him I've known alot of hard times in my life and you have to be present and adapt to your circumstances. I also called him out on putting out absolutely no effort and for his actions not matching his words. He agreed.
Bottom line. He is not the man I need. I understand that this is a very difficult time for many and it's hard to sort out feelings and it's easy to be scared, but he I saw this in the writing before this even happened.
I am getting much better at realizing what doesn't serve me and letting go of what doesn't. It's his loss. ANd I think he knows it. ANd i made sure he knew I was not an option in the future if he was going otowalk away now. I think that took him by surprise, but come on now. So I am a very single woman again, and obviously won't be dating any time soon due to circumstances. I am fortunate to have some good emotional support an connection otherwise.
It takes a strong man to be my partner. And I still have not found a gy who can appreciate a strong, loving, unselfish and understanding woman, Most men don't know what to do with one of those. ANd i ma not willing to settle until I find a guy who can show me he appreciates that with actions. I know it was also what M couldn't handle.
I am off tomorrow and thursday, but agreed to go into work friday because we are so short and clearly, I have no where to go. D12 will go to her dads. Who had been exceedingly nice to me. I bought a wardrobe for D12 and it got delivered and the box was way too heavy to carry in the house.When he dropped D12 off today when I was at work he brought all the pieces in piece by piece. I thanked him and he said "it was the least I could do". SO tomorrow we are building a wardrobe. I am also pretty excited I am putting a patio in with a firepit in the space where my shed used to be. I might even do the project myself, but if not, a got a guy to do it. I have alot of money from my taxes, and a cancelled cruise. I am realizing that home may have to be a happy haven until this world gets back to normal which might take some time. So I am excited for the project.
Ah, can't wait for these 2 days off.
Good for you (((Ginger))) Enjoy a break from this madness. I'm so glad you are there in the front lines with your dedication to keep everyone safe.
Who knows whether the patient had covid and is just undiagnosed or not ( this just happened) and
has us all scared.
UPDATE - patient tested NEGATIVE from covid - Thank goodness!!
Thank goodness indeed! xoxoxo
G I'm so proud of you! This is progress! Real progress, and you stood up for yourself. You know your worth. Wonderful! xoxoxoxo
Ginger,
I am so proud of you! I'm glad you finally had that "conversation" w/E and he now knows that you are on to his behavior/personality type. It's good to break that link w/him and let him know where you stand. He certainly wasn't the strong man type for sure. The right one will come along when you least expect it...but you certainly dodged a bullet w/this one.
As for the wardrobe...good luck putting it together and have fun w/your daughter do this. A fire pit and a patio sound really nice for the backyard.
For now, home is where we all should be. It's going to be a while before any of us will be able to travel safely.
Enjoy your time off!
Awesome ginger. You identified a problem early on, refused to tolerate it, and even called him out on it. So impressed because it’s not easy. I know in the past, I would question myself or focused on the good traits telling myself “no ones perfect etc”. But he really wasn’t worthy of you. Sounds like a child and I’m glad you know your worth. I hope he learns from it and does some soul searching
Thanks! I am pretty proud of myself too! What happened with M broke me and built me at the same time. It was such an eye opener. I am learning ot trust myself and recognize my worth. He certainly was not the man for me. He couldn't be a man. ANd I am certainly not going to be an option for when the world is all hunky dory again. That isnt how it works.
Well, we all know there is no more dating, so I am on a good forced hiatus. I have no desire anyways. I'm good on my own. I have wonderful friends and good support in my life. Those friends stick by my side through the good, bad, ugly, instead of running and hiding. We got another virtual happy hour friday night.
ANd Cadet, thank God the patient is negative! PLease give her all my love. She's my hero!
ANd Cadet, thank God the patient is negative! PLease give her all my love. She's my hero!
Thanks - mine too
She sends her love back!
Ginger I know I have never really said much, especially because I just moved over to this forum not to long ago but I have read your posts for awhile now. I had to comment on this one because I am so glad you left this guy.
He wanted to have a phone conversation. It was actually quite hilarious. I think he thought he was breaking up with me.........he wanted to assure me I had done absolutely nothing wrong and he doesn't want me for a minute to think what we had wasn't real.
This guy can't handle rejection and it is almost comical.
He went on about how he hoped we can still talk because and maybe one day if when things go back to normal that he can reach out to me again and see what happens.
So when the going gets tough he is going to bale on you, but when things are wonderful he wants a relationship with you? Wow.
Were you dating George Costanza from Seinfeld? Remember the episode when the the fire alarm went off and he pushed the kids and old lady down to get out first. He then went on to explain to the fireman that he was actually doing them a service.
I hope he learns from it and does some soul searching
I too think Ginger did a good job here. TBH it sounded very much like this is where things were heading for at least a few weeks now if not more. But by ginger’s own description it sounds much more like this was a mutual breakup. I Got the strong feeling this guy had checked out already based on everything ginger said. Then it almost sounded like he thought he was breaking up with her and just trying to “let her down easy”. So let’s not make this something it’s not. I don’t get the feeling he’s going to be doing any soul searching of any kind.
It just ran it’s short course. He seemed to not be the guy for her from early on and certainly never seemed to get her overly excited. He got distant, then thought more about it and wanted to end things more properly than with emojis and a text so he called. I give him credit for that. No harm no foul on either side. It’s not a love connection so move on. Again I think Ginger did a great job. But to think he’s licking his wounds or doing any soul searching is a bit far fetched. Just how I see it.
seems to me the 51 year old was all about nailing the 39 year old. when things got real, he showed his true self.
G., I'm proud of you xoxoxo
by things got real I mean G's work life and Corona
I still think he needs to do some soul searching (similar to a bless his heart) because he sounds like a pretty sh1tty person. Like he’s actually agreeing with her that his actions aren’t good and getting all therapy with her “I’m low conflict and struggle etc”. That’s kind of pathetic and a turn off. Women just aren’t attracted to that.
Also, I know you are still considering the work situation and wanted to reverse it on you and get your opinion. You know. My living situation and child care situation - my hours were drastically cut which means I don’t get paid once I use up my vacation. An option is to go to the ICU to flip COVID patients. Would you do it?
Hey G. Still praying hard for you.
Proud of you. He wasn't for you. Keep moving forward...
Hi Ginger,
I never got the family life and that's ok. It wasn't meant for me. My daughter and i are a family.. Maybe I'll just find a good companion in the next phase of my life.
Wow--the way you handled his skipping your date and the breakup call astounds me. Emotional resilience. I bet you hear this often, but thanks for being on the front lines in the healthcare industry during these times.
Thank you guys very much. I do feel an emotional resilience has been built up over my lifetime. I’ve been through some serious adversity, but I get through it all. I am able to really control my emotions towards certain circumstances and know that I can’t stop something from happening the way it does.
I don’t miss E. He just wasn’t the one. And I am one who actually prefers to be alone than with the wrong person . I also don’t want to make someone in to something they are not. It can’t be done.
On Thursday I asked the ex to come over and help with the wardrobe becUse D12 and I got to a point I couldn’t get past. He came and helped build it for 3 hours. D13 made him cookies and I bought him some stuff he needed at the grocery store. It was very nice of him. It looks great in her room. We rearranged furniture and cleaned her room all out. It looks great and she’s very happy with it.
I made a joke to my manager who is leaving that I would do the schedule when she left since she didn’t have a replacement. Apparently my joke was taken seriously. I think I am inheriting one kore responsibility for no more money. Today I went to the other hospital I work at for a critical care crash course for COVID -19. All I can say wow. Everything we knew about policy and provider and legalities are kind of thrown out the door. It’s called disaster nursing . Even if a patient is a full code, the doctor can make the decision not to code the patient , despite family wishes. If there will be no benefit from it, the staff will not be out at risk because it is extremely risky. It’s seriously battlefield nursing . The class made me me realize how much I love critical care nursing and how I’m good at it. I miss it a lot. I still haven’t decided if I am going to do extra time at the bedside during this pandemic . It’s just really nothing I ever thought I would see in my career or life.
It’s just going to be me and D12 tomorrow. There was only one pack of lamb hops, so she gets them and I got crab legs. Not much for an Easter basket, but I let her order some stuff on amazon. I am going to do an Easter egg hunt in the yard too. She loves Easter egg hunts.
We are surviving over here. We are all staying nice and safe. I hope everyone else is too
E shares a lot of qualities with my H. That said men like him are attracted to needy women who are more than willing to take whatever crumbs they offer, whenever they feel like offering them. He wants a low self esteem women who will put him on a pedestal, run the emotional show, have sex on demand but otherwise leave him alone. Thing is broken people are attracted to other broken people too so HE has very low self esteem too. This is a miserable man and yes you dodged a very large bullet.
What an emotional day. Today the EMS, police, and fire trucks came to honor us at the hospital. They drove around with their flashing lights and sirens waving and clapping and thanking us. We are a community hospital, but we serve many surrounding towns and they all came to honor us. It was very very emotional.
Then we did a clap out for our first successfully extubated COVID patient getting discharged. Holy emotional! He is going to a rehab to get stronger. His wife of 44 years and his son met him outside and it was the first time they could see him since he was admitted. Tears again!
Please stay home for my incredible coworkers, the first responders, please! They want life to go back to normal although they will most likely never be the sane after what they have seen. Go out for essentials, go for walks, if you MUST visit family, keep your distance from them. Minimize the traffic in and out of your homes.
My friends husband is a corrections officer and now he has it. And she is terrified of getting it herself.
Please, this needs to be put to an end. There are some happy stories, it some really sad stories too. I had to calm a crying wife who was her husbands caregiver and couldn’t see her husband. It’s just bad.
Anyways. Stay safe, stay home .
Stay safe G! Very cool video!!!
Ginger,
What a wonderful tribute to all of you. I saw the video and I was clapping right along with the video. I get so disgusted w/people. Here, in our community, a large majority of the people are staying home, only going out once a week for essentials, wearing masks and doing the social distancing. So, what happens on Easter, my neighbor has the entire gang over, consisting of 15 people. Then I opted to take a drive and 8 doors down from my mother's, you would have thought a wedding was taking place w/about 50 people out in the yard. There are just some out there that are playing the stupid game and thinking that it won't strike them or their families and friends.
I received word Monday that one of my former classmates had died from the COVID-19. She is now one of three women in my area who have died. Two in their 60's and one in her 70's. This disease is not discriminating and it can hit any of us at any time. Please, please listen to what the health care people and the governor's are asking...stay home and do the social distancing as much as possible. We all would dearly love to get back to our normal routines, but until this virus is gone...we are all going to have to be cautious and do what is ask of us.
Everyone, please stay safe and Ginger, thank you for all that you are doing.
Wow, what a profoundly dumb guy. If I met a woman like you who cared so well for perfect strangers, I would think “what a catch! Imagine how she takes care of those she actually knows and loves!” D.U.M.B.
Truly his loss. Guy is dead weight.
You guys are the heros in all this. Thank you for all that you do.
Wow, what a profoundly dumb guy. If I met a woman like you who cared so well for perfect strangers, I would think “what a catch! Imagine how she takes care of those she actually knows and loves!” D.U.M.B.
Truly his loss. Guy is dead weight.
You guys are the heros in all this. Thank you for all that you do.
.
Thank you hawho! Instead of him being proud he had a nurse girlfriend, he instead was scared of it. Total dead weight, TBH. And I cannot carry dead weight.
Job, that is so freakin upsetting! I just saw a protest in the news about social distancing calling it over reaching. I saw on March brothers IG he posted this meme that said “look we a very low rate of cases, everyone was over reaching!”
“Um, no, you have a low rate of cases due to social distancing, not over reacting”
People don’t get it. The economy is hurting though, I get that, this can’t go on forever, but there will be a “right” time to start slowly easing back in. One of my patients was successfully extubated after 16 days in the vent! She’s awake and alert and maintaining her oxygen well! Her and her husband came on the same day. He got discharged in a few days and she wasn’t so lucky. They are actually moving to Maryland with their son
There are good outcomes.
Yesterday I went to Costco after work. It was awesome. There was a special line for healthcare workers. No one was on it. The other mile was a line long outside. They barely let anyone in there at a time. I spent an hour in there shopping. It was wonderful! The best part was I scored a huge TP and a huge paper towel! I feel rich!
My ex went to ShopRite and asked if I needed anything and I went to Costco and asked if he needed anything. We have been helping eachother out. Everyone kind of has to help eachother out.
Whenever I went out, I asked E if he needed anything. He never ever asked me. He wasn’t the nice guy I thought he was. He’s just weak and passive.
Anyways, I work Sunday at my other job. I offered more days in June. I’m basically just hoarding money this year. I am also getting pandemic pay, I think. I’m not going to have much of a life now through the summer I believe. There is nothing we can do, I don’t have a partner, so when D12 is at dads, I work! I would love to pay down all my bills
Basically, 2020 is a dud. Not much fun, no finding a partner, no vacation, but I will make money until I drop !
Job I'm sorry for the loss of your classmate. xoxoxo hugs
Basically, 2020 is a dud. Not much fun, no finding a partner, no vacation, but I will make money until I drop !
In the spirit of DnJ ... let's re-frame ^^^ shall we?
"2020 is the year I will pay down all my bills, focus on continued spirit of cooperation with those in my life, and cherish the times I have. The alone time will give me an opportunity to re-charge and learn some new things. The times with my daughter will be memorable, as always, and the time at work will be an opportunity to be of service to the greater good."
Thoughts?
Love you! Congrats on the TP and paper towels. Feels like a victory, doesn't it? There was some in the store yesterday. We have several rolls, so I didn't buy any, but we needed paper towels, which I use mainly to wipe down my groceries before bringing them in the house, so I scored a big pack of those.
xoxoxo
you would have thought a wedding was taking place w/about 50 people out in the yard. There are just some out there that are playing the stupid game and thinking that it won't strike them or their families and friends.
Ick. Given typical numbers if 1/1000 in their area is confirmed to have it, and 1/200 actually have it, there's a 22% chance they just infected their whole circle of friends.
Ginger, congratulations on your big success at work! I worked with a healthcare professional today via webcam--the hospital wanted me to go in-person, but social distancing. I was sure to thank her for helping us through these times!
Given typical numbers if 1/1000 in their area is confirmed to have it, and 1/200 actually have it, there's a 22% chance they just infected their whole circle of friends.
Huh?????? What in the heck kind of math is this????????? Even if 1 in 200 people are actively shedding covid how in the heck do you make the leap of a 22% chance they infected their whole circle (100%) of friends. How do you arrive at this conclusion?
Well, if 50 people got together, there's a 25% chance one was infected. Doesn't mean they infected 100% of the attendees, but likely they infected some, and those went on to infect their families or those same friends if they continue to socialize with them. A superspreader event could do much worse.
Huh?????? What in the heck kind of math is this?????????
If each participant has a 199 in 200 chance of being Covid-free, the chance 50 random participants are Covid-free is (199/200)^50 =77.8%. There's a 22% chance there are infected. (Today, in the US, it looks closer to 35%.) Simple ballparking. You could argue people attending a mass gathering during a pandemic aren't typical or random.
how in the heck do you make the leap of a 22% chance they infected their whole circle (100%) of friends.
Got me! The CDC estimates its R0 is 5.7. He probably won't infect his whole circle of friends--maybe 6 friends, who each infect 6 more, who each infect 6 more, who each infect 6 more. Terrible critters, viruses are.
Basically, 2020 is a dud. Not much fun, no finding a partner, no vacation, but I will make money until I drop !
In the spirit of DnJ ... let's re-frame ^^^ shall we?
"2020 is the year I will pay down all my bills, focus on continued spirit of cooperation with those in my life, and cherish the times I have. The alone time will give me an opportunity to re-charge and learn some new things. The times with my daughter will be memorable, as always, and the time at work will be an opportunity to be of service to the greater good."
Thoughts?
Love you! Congrats on the TP and paper towels. Feels like a victory, doesn't it? There was some in the store yesterday. We have several rolls, so I didn't buy any, but we needed paper towels, which I use mainly to wipe down my groceries before bringing them in the house, so I scored a big pack of those.
xoxoxo
You are a better woman than I, bttfly!
My mindset isn’t quite there, but it is where it should be. Thank you for reframing it for me.
I’m in a little bit of a slump. A little down. But I guess everyone is.
I’m off tomorrow and work Sunday $$$$$$! I wish it was the opposite because rain tomorrow and sun Sunday , but whatever
I agree, shift how you mentally frame it. You are a first responder, your job is critical and your priorities have shifted to your career.
You also have an opportunity to make a ton of cash, and that opportunity doesn't come around that often.
Work your azz off, make a ton of cash to pay off your bills and save!!! I remember a while back you telling how stressed you were about your finances. Sounds like you now have an opportunity to do something about!
Keep on keeping on G!
Well, I made a little mistake and I actually worked Saturday and Sunday this weekend making it a 12 day work marathon which will end Friday after work. Oh well. I got none of the stuff done I wanted around the house, but hey, mo’ money! I’m still technically on orientation at the other job so it was easy. Today I worked with a woman my age who was cool as heck and we ordered sushi and told eachother our Life stories. Our personalities are so much alike. I basically got paid to hang out with a friend today. So not too bad. But I am really really tired . Only 5 more days to go. I even got the ex and D12 to come take the dog for a walk while I was at work.
So, I’m making the money. I’m single as can be. 2020 is not the year I turn 40. I’m waiting until next year. I will most likely not date or even get the chance to date. It’s hard for me not to have a social life because I am an extrovert , but I take what I can from work. I have no idea what my future holds. I had a really good cry Friday night. I think I needed it.
I’m just grateful I’m healthy and I still have a job. Heck, I have 2
I still have a job. Heck, I have 2
That is a great way to look at it especially since about 22 million people have filed for unemployment during the last month. I keep hearing about so many nurses here being laid off or dropped to 20 hours a week or furloughed - including at the Mayo Clinic. Just think if you were one of them. Instead you might be able to pay down some of your debt. While certainly challenging you’re also in some ways lucky.
it's ok to cry. it's not ok to wallow. i do not see you wallowing. i see you processing the trauma in a healthy way and living your life with a positive attitude. kudos xoxoxo much love mwah
Nurses being laid off? I don’t get that one. Haven’t heard about that at all. Aren’t hospitals currently receiving a lot in funding? I wish that they could be mandated to keep their staff paid - like the school districts or government jobs cause then it’s just more people seeking unemployment.
ginger - glad your making money and staying as safe as you can. Can’t wait for the antibody tests!