Consequences of Infidelity and Divorce - 03/05/20 07:39 PM
I have moved over from the Newcomers forum because I am divorced and most of my issues surround how to navigate the difficult time following the loss of my marriage and family.
Short Summary
In 2008 my then wife had an affair on me with the husband of a couple we were very close friends with. He decided to work it out with his wife and left my then wife. My wife then put me through pain for four months before miraculously deciding to reconcile. We attended MC for about a year and it appeared we were reconciled for the next ten years. Last May she BD me again but this time denied another affair. D14 witnessed her having the affair with her best friend's dad. I asked my wife if she wanted to be married or if she loved me at all and she said "no". She pulled D14 out of class at her school and told her "I don't love your dad, I want him to raise you, and I will see you sometimes." She then left D14 at the school in my arms screaming school. She came by the next day and picked up all her stuff and has never been back. I asked her what she wanted in the divorce and she said that she wanted D14 every other weekend, I could have the house, and all other financial stuff can be split in half. She didn't want any of her Christmas ornaments, pictures, etc from the house at all. Within two months we were divorced and she never talked about our 22 years together after the BD.
She left and didn't contact D14 all summer while she went to concerts, the lake, and on trips with her new friends. The end of summer she wanted to see D14 but the visitation didn't go well. When official visitations started XW has gaslighted, yelled at, threatened, guilt tripped D14, until finally D14 thought about suicide and gave a half-hearted attempt at it. Their relationship has continued to degrade to the point D14 has hired her own lawyer to understand her rights and have an advocate to protect her legal rights as it pertains to her mom. After being cussed out and threatened in her last visit D14 is seeking to cut all overnight visitation with her mom and limiting it to two days a month.
As I pulled away after the divorce and communicated only through email and only responded to things related to D14 or financial matters, XW started getting more angry in her emails. I didn't respond to the threats or anger and this is when the abuse accusations started. Since I was never in physical contact with her the abuse allegations went away and in started the accusations of manipulating D14 and causing irreparable harm to their relationship. As D14 progressed through IC on her own and XW demanded to see the therapists notes, the accusations that it was my fault their relationship suffering stopped. Now, XW is accusing me of being abusive but this time it was during our 22 years together and that is why she had to leave. Finally she has hired a lawyer to reopen the Divorce Judgement because I have been accused of manipulating and coercing her into signing it when she didn't even know what she was signing.
My goal this year was to "Let it go!" but it appears I am still in survival mode.
Short Summary
In 2008 my then wife had an affair on me with the husband of a couple we were very close friends with. He decided to work it out with his wife and left my then wife. My wife then put me through pain for four months before miraculously deciding to reconcile. We attended MC for about a year and it appeared we were reconciled for the next ten years. Last May she BD me again but this time denied another affair. D14 witnessed her having the affair with her best friend's dad. I asked my wife if she wanted to be married or if she loved me at all and she said "no". She pulled D14 out of class at her school and told her "I don't love your dad, I want him to raise you, and I will see you sometimes." She then left D14 at the school in my arms screaming school. She came by the next day and picked up all her stuff and has never been back. I asked her what she wanted in the divorce and she said that she wanted D14 every other weekend, I could have the house, and all other financial stuff can be split in half. She didn't want any of her Christmas ornaments, pictures, etc from the house at all. Within two months we were divorced and she never talked about our 22 years together after the BD.
She left and didn't contact D14 all summer while she went to concerts, the lake, and on trips with her new friends. The end of summer she wanted to see D14 but the visitation didn't go well. When official visitations started XW has gaslighted, yelled at, threatened, guilt tripped D14, until finally D14 thought about suicide and gave a half-hearted attempt at it. Their relationship has continued to degrade to the point D14 has hired her own lawyer to understand her rights and have an advocate to protect her legal rights as it pertains to her mom. After being cussed out and threatened in her last visit D14 is seeking to cut all overnight visitation with her mom and limiting it to two days a month.
As I pulled away after the divorce and communicated only through email and only responded to things related to D14 or financial matters, XW started getting more angry in her emails. I didn't respond to the threats or anger and this is when the abuse accusations started. Since I was never in physical contact with her the abuse allegations went away and in started the accusations of manipulating D14 and causing irreparable harm to their relationship. As D14 progressed through IC on her own and XW demanded to see the therapists notes, the accusations that it was my fault their relationship suffering stopped. Now, XW is accusing me of being abusive but this time it was during our 22 years together and that is why she had to leave. Finally she has hired a lawyer to reopen the Divorce Judgement because I have been accused of manipulating and coercing her into signing it when she didn't even know what she was signing.
My goal this year was to "Let it go!" but it appears I am still in survival mode.