Barn's burnt down - DivorceBusting.com

Old thread; https://www.divorcebusting.com/foru...ain=62314&Number=2866661#Post2866661

The Barn's burnt down
now
I can see the moon

Hi all

Thought it was high time I came over here from newcomers. Married 30 years (Decree Nisi issued but he's dragging his feet on the financials so no decree absolute yet) 3 wonderful sons and a grandson. H left summer 2018 when I found out about his 2 year long double life.

Unfortunately, I had to get into court in order for him to produce some financials. '000s of �s. H is a lawyer so his costs are minimal. Guess what, he's broke, skint and the true financial situation has now become apparent. Not surprised he didn't want to produce that information. So, I reached out and asked for a meeting and the long story short is that we have agreed in principle what the settlement should be and just need a couple of simple things ironing out. If he doesn't produce required contract then I have a court date in April.

It's been a bitter pill to swallow, but sometimes you just have to take stock and look at the net gain, figuratively and literally. I face another 17 years of work as a result but it is more important that I remove myself from a very real risk whilst still married to him.

I have no desire to fight because that involves looking backwards not forwards. And I know that I suffer from being a 'justice junky' It's a hard lesson to learn that not everyone will treat you as you would treat them.

So, on Thursday I set off to Africa, specifically South Africa, Botswana and Zimbabwe. Nervous as heck, but only about silly things. It has become known as my 3Fs holiday: Fifty, fabulous and F*** you!

lol at the 3Fs Yorkie, how fantastic! Have a wonderful time

enjoy your travels and stay safe! welcome to our corner of the boards. Would you like a snack?

(((Yorkie))). You are the best!!! A friend of mine was just in Africa last summer and loved it!! I fully expect that you will too. Hope you have the best time ever! Love the 3 F�s!!! xoxoxoxo

Oh wow Yorkie, i can't believe your trip is here!

With your latest post I'm so glad you're looking ahead and not wasting your precious energy and soul fighting for justice that isn't possible. Good for you. Stay present, and don't add negativity into your world beyond what has already been presented to you.

I'm in awe of your trip. Promise you'll post about how it goes and what you witnessed and learned? I'm so intrigued. I hope you have a blast.

Thank you all.

The symbolism of this long journey is not lost on me, although that type of sentimentality and deep thinking is not usually my thing!

I just hope that I haven't got unrealistic expectations. The trip in itself will be fantastic; the whole thing is planned around a desire to see African elephants in the wild. But I'm also hoping that it will serve to 'ground' me; help me understand who I am; help me to see that I can be 'whole' without a significant other.

I am full of anxieties about practicalities, but I do recognise them and the fact that most of them may never come to fruition. It is strange in that I deal with other people's very stressful situations and problems every day and do it well. But I worry that I won't be able to cope if some small thing doesn't go as planned.

And I'm worried that I'll be lonely. There are other people on the overland trip, but what if I don't find a connection with any of them?

Anyway, too late to back out now, so I guess I will just have to see.

Originally Posted by Yorkie

I am full of anxieties about practicalities, but I do recognise them and the fact that most of them may never come to fruition. It is strange in that I deal with other people's very stressful situations and problems every day and do it well. But I worry that I won't be able to cope if some small thing doesn't go as planned.

Yorkie,

I understand. The human condition is really weird; we tend to spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about the bad things that could happen and, speaking for myself, not nearly enough time considering all of the good stuff that can happen. It's hard to change bad habits.

These days when something happens that I consider to be "bad" (or a setback of some sort) I try to turn it into a net positive. It doesn't always work, but I am getting better at doing that.

Have fun on the trip, and who knows, you may meet the love of your life. If not, it'll still be a wonderful adventure.

Thanks Doodler. That kind of 'connection' is definitely not on the wishlist..

I'll settle for meeting some new friends.

You will have an amazing time Yorkie!! I have zero doubts about that. Can�t wait to hear about it once you are back. (((HUGS)))

Just got here myself. Filed for D a few months after 28 years of marriage. I have to work another 19 years but like you I'm trying to look on the bright side. It wasn't until he was gone that I realized how much his unhappiness affected all of us. He's a "I'll be happy when...person".

Won't lie I worry about the practicalities as well. My strategy is to work really hard to focus on NOW not as a stick my head in the sand way but as in I'll handle things as they come up.

Yorkie, we haven't seen you since your trip. Are you ok? I'm hoping you're lurking but maybe not logging in.

Actually, I hope you're out living your life having a great time whatever that means. I hope your trip was amazing and life altering. I hope you're finding joy in everything, and even able to thrive in this crazy world we are living in. I'm sure the pandemic affected your trip, which is why I'm especially concerned for you.