Divorcebusting.com

All new to me

Posted By: Ginger1

All new to me - 02/17/20 02:18 PM

Previous Thread:

Trials and tribulations of dating 3

Probably an appropriate title. Because this really is all new to me.

Deja, KML, LH, , and bttfly , you are all right. Everything has been very appropriate so far. Neither of us are seeing anyone else so not much changes with the ďtitleĒ . Iím happy to be his girlfriend.

I usually date guys who are uncomfortable with that. Have so much baggage , are j sure of what they want and are easily scared. E Is divorced, very cordially, no hard feelings and no soft feelings either. They are over and done romantically, not bitter towards each other and raise their kids very well together. He has hobbies. He likes to be partnered. He likes to have one person to do things with and spend time with. Heís spoken of travel and a bunch of other things he would like to do together.

Itís the most normal appropriate thing I think I have ever had. And itís not boring . Itís just so freakin new and something I have never ever had. There was always a huge barrier or issue with like every guy Iíve dated. Whether it be age, distance, baby mama drama, midlife crisis. Love avoidant, everything.

Havenít seen anything yet. He Hasnít shown me anything worrisome as of yet.

Iím going to remain open and aware and enjoy having an attentive sweet boyfriend who wants to spend time with me.
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: All new to me - 02/17/20 02:22 PM

Woohoo G thatís awesome and I believe all you ever wanted. Very happy for you and he sounds normal.
Posted By: AndrewP

Re: All new to me - 02/17/20 02:44 PM

Sound good Ginger.

My own opinion, which is not the consensus here by any stretch - is that when two mature people go on to a dating site they go in with a set of expectations about what they're looking for. Similar to when doodler goes to Home Depot - he's not looking for prawns, he's looking for Venetian plaster. He finds it, figures out the self-check-out and moves on with his day. He doesn't walk around the store picking up the box, putting it back down, wandering around looking for the seafood display, dress himself in the shower curtains to see if they match his pumps, he goes in for what he's there for and gets on with things. (Apologies for drawing doodler to your thread laugh )

You are quite the catch. Stable, pretty, independent, with a kind heart and a sense of fun.

He obviously thinks so too so I certainly can expect him to believe "yep - this is the one for me" and then proceed with getting to know each other and making sure.

On the other hand, make sure to protect your own heart and make sure that this train is going where you want it to go and at the speed you are comfortable with. Honesty and communication are the things to keep in mind there.
Posted By: DonH

Re: All new to me - 02/17/20 06:57 PM

Well there, see, even Andrew thinks this is all good and is how OLD should work, and at a good pace. What better, ringing endorsement could you need Ginger? smile

I have to agree with KML, although again, it's still too soon to really know much here yet, but you have said multiple times now that you are scared or something is different or, well even though I'm paraphrasing, you can't really seem to put your finger on it, just something is not normal or right or normal for you. This is sort of what some of the guys you've dated have said to you in the past, they like you, you are great, just something is missing or off. Could the shoe be on the other foot as KML suggests?

I still stand firm that it's too soon to tell and nothing wrong with continuing dating. Things are again moving pretty fast - boyfriend/girlfriend within 4 or 5 dates? Talking future plans. Then again, fast has been your past model so nothing new there. He doesn't seem to be your typical type, even though you say you don't have one. I know you say the age doesn't matter and from your end it may not, but any early 50s guy that can date a late 30s decent looking woman is going to be thrilled. I know it's 51 and 39 but that is still 12 years and I know how I felt and what I thought, and was willing to overlook, with a 13 year younger decent looking woman - it was an ego boost. I have a 55 year old friend with a 42 year old GF and he constantly says she's not the one and it's just for now yet he's close to 2 years in. Of course he doesn't tell her this, just us. What's my point - my point is the age could be a factor for him - a positive factor now, but a factor nonetheless.

I just hope you are not so smitten that you are overlooking things - like older kids, like his speed and love fast, love hard (burn out just as fast perhaps) ways. His dorkeyness (that you've mentioned several times and is novel now but it's new). His low level drinking which was a deal-breaker before you met but no longer seems to be. He clearly likes you though I've not really seen what you like so much about him - other than he likes you.

You clearly have one speed - even when it's someone else with their foot on the gas. Only time can tell and as long as you don't get hurt, there's nothing at all wrong with enjoying it.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
I know why, and I'm not telling! Enjoy the ride honey.

You know why Ginger feels it's completely different and incredibly scary, but you're not going to tell? And this helps how? Other than to tease the rest of us? LOL
Posted By: DejaVu6

Re: All new to me - 02/17/20 07:21 PM

I think it all sounds really positive Ginger. RE: the age thing... my R with Jack did not break up because of that. We were just in very different places in our life and his lack of baggage was, in a way, baggage...lol. You and E seem like you are in similar places...both loved and lost, both with kids you love and are committed to, good values, attraction to each other, both not looking to serial date. IDK...seems pretty good to me. I think he just knows quality when he sees it and doesnít want to risk losing it. Nothing wrong with that.

Four to five dates and thinking about someone being your girlfriend/boyfriend. I think by then most people know if they want to go down that road...most donít say it for many different reasons. Kudos to the person who does though. I hate games. I like knowing where I stand. Itís not what you are used to but sounds like you like it too. Enjoy!!! You certainly deserve this. Really, really happy for you!!!! xo
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 02/17/20 07:27 PM

Wow don, thanks. Heís just into the novelty of me being a 39 year old decent looking woman?

Low level drinking was not a deal breaker. No drinking was. I happen to like that he isnít some pr*ck and he is pretty charming and adorable.

I like a lot more about him than the fact he likes me. We have great conversations and similar goals and like doing a lot of stuff together . I have no idea what you mean that my foot is on the gas and we are going full speed ahead. We are dating like normal people do. We chose not to date others while dating each other.

We have a completely healthy and appropriate thing going on here.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 02/17/20 07:28 PM

Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I think it all sounds really positive Ginger. RE: the age thing... my R with Jack did not break up because of that. We were just in very different places in our life and his lack of baggage was, in a way, baggage...lol. You and E seem like you are in similar places...both loved and lost, both with kids you love and are committed to, good values, attraction to each other, both not looking to serial date. IDK...seems pretty good to me. I think he just knows quality when he sees it and doesnít want to risk losing it. Nothing wrong with that.

Four to five dates and thinking about someone being your girlfriend/boyfriend. I think by then most people know if they want to go down that road...most donít say it for many different reasons. Kudos to the person who does though. I hate games. I like knowing where I stand. Itís not what you are used to but sounds like you like it too. Enjoy!!! You certainly deserve this. Really, really happy for you!!!! xo



Thank you! We cross posted, but you expressed what o was trying to express better than I did.
Posted By: DonH

Re: All new to me - 02/17/20 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Wow don, thanks. Heís just into the novelty of me being a 39 year old decent looking woman?

Talk about twisting my words. I even had to go back to make sure I didn't say something different than what I thought. You may need to re-read again as well as that's not at all what I said. The age gap is but one of many factors.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I have no idea what you mean that my foot is on the gas and we are going full speed ahead.

Again, not what I said.
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 02/17/20 09:06 PM

Originally Posted by DonH

Originally Posted by bttrfly
I know why, and I'm not telling! Enjoy the ride honey.

You know why Ginger feels it's completely different and incredibly scary, but you're not going to tell? And this helps how? Other than to tease the rest of us? LOL

I'm not on this thread to help the rest of you. I'm here to help G. If anyone else gets something out of it, all well and good, but on her thread she's my primary concern. Probably sounds more blunt than I mean it, but sometimes the 2x4 swinging has the opposite of its intended result.

G, my feeling is that you are getting what you want, and now you have to relax enough to enjoy it and figure out if it really IS what you thought it would be. That will take a little while. Enjoy the ride in the meantime, doll xoxoxo
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 02/17/20 10:24 PM

Don, I reread the post a few times. Iím not mistaking anything.

Bttfly, thank you. You also described it well. I am getting what I had hoped for. And I do need to relax enough to enjoy it, make sure itís consistent and that I am not accepting any less than what I want or deserve. Iím enjoying myself. I am having fun making plans with someone who wants to do stuff. Who is excited to see me. We are going to a concert together in March. Fun date! He is wants to take a cooking class with me I was interested in. He likes to just chill with me and binge on Netflix. Itís fun stuff! We have the same idea on enjoyable travel. I donít feel like I have to pretzel to him.

I am eyes wide open, I am constantly evaluating. But I am enjoying. Because if you enter intuitions with a pessimistic attitude, you set yourself up for misery. If you go in with a positive attitude, itís good.

Iím sure he finds it thrilling that Iím a young hot thang. But I donít think thatís the only reason he is interested. Iím sweet, Iím fun, Iím independent and Iím successful. I feel like he sees that in me.

On a side note a crazy OLD story. Remember that guy with the 3 kids I went on that date with back in October and he acted all weird and we never got together again even though he talked a good talk?

Brace yourselves. The census for the whole hospital comes up on my computer. And there he is in the ICU for sever alcohol withdrawal. I obviously couldnít open the chart, but I can see the diagnosis. He is a raging alcoholic. I had no clue because he had 1 drink because he is a type one diabetic. I have a feeling he was an alcoholic before he got diagnosed and he went back to it. Unbelievable. It had me a little shook today.

Anyways, E was going to have me come by before he went to tennis, but his son wasnít going to the gym until later.

Itís really nice he wants to see me when he can. We wonít be able to see each other until this weekend.
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: All new to me - 02/17/20 10:47 PM

Way to go G......keep on keeping on!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 02/17/20 10:52 PM

Thanks J! I think I feel a lot of what you felt when you first met the doctor. Iím taking a lot from your experience. I know what Iím feeling is normal. My feelings grow a little more each time we spend time together.

We are moving along nicely. No one is meeting anyoneís kids yet. We arenít moving in together. We are dating. And dating can actually be fun!

I had a little over half the bottle of wine last night ...... no judgement
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: All new to me - 02/17/20 10:58 PM

Glad I could help. Itís a process. Relax and have fun, no pressure. Be confident in yourself and let him come to you. The doc is such a good person that the more and more I feel us becoming closer friends as well. I just had her son all day and it just feels normal.
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 02/18/20 01:32 AM

you're welcome and keep doing what you're doing, even though it's different. that's the point, right? you'll relax into this in no time, or you'll decide it wasn't what you really wanted. in the meantime, just go with the flow.

Originally Posted by Ginger1

On a side note a crazy OLD story. Remember that guy with the 3 kids I went on that date with back in October and he acted all weird and we never got together again even though he talked a good talk?

Brace yourselves. The census for the whole hospital comes up on my computer. And there he is in the ICU for sever alcohol withdrawal. I obviously couldnít open the chart, but I can see the diagnosis. He is a raging alcoholic. I had no clue because he had 1 drink because he is a type one diabetic. I have a feeling he was an alcoholic before he got diagnosed and he went back to it. Unbelievable. It had me a little shook today.




A friend recently told me this, "Rejection is God's protection."
Seems to ring true here.
Posted By: kml

Re: All new to me - 02/18/20 02:28 AM

Love that!
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 02/18/20 02:31 AM

me too!
Posted By: HaWho

Re: All new to me - 02/18/20 03:02 AM

Ginger - enjoy the wonder of new romance! Dating definitely should be fun!

I understand it can be scary. I think itís best not to mind read. He asked you to be his girlfriend because he wanted to lock you down! To me, it doesnít really matter why. Heís a big boy and he knows what he wants! You want to date him exclusively so you get what you want, too.

People always get something out there t a relationship and letís face it, those things are often subjective. And in a good relationship each side gives things. So long as you are getting what you want and he is giving what you want and vice versa, all is well.

The age thing can go both ways. After watching my ex struggle with aging, I would prefer a guy to who is a bit older to limit the chance that he is in that MLC window. I know itís not really rational but that is my choice.

Enjoy being treasured!!!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 02/19/20 03:20 PM

Thank you hawho! Itís been pretty nice so far. Iím happy.

He calls me daily, and wants to see me often. If we are both free on the weekend, itís like a given he wants to spend time with me. If Iím not working Saturday we are going to go to NYC for the day. And he wants to hang out the night before. I was dating M for a year and he pretty much only gave me a few hours on a weekend. One night sleep over is all and gone the next morning . I get we all have stuff to do, I had a heck of a lot more than him, but he was just so detached.

You can tell he is a relationship kind of guy. Which I do like. He likes to have that person to do stuff together with.

I think m relationships get a little refined after divorce and kids and stuff. Itís a little more simple for me. Someone to spend time with, hang out with, cuddle with, and talk to. We have that going on. Itís good. I like where we are right now
Posted By: DejaVu6

Re: All new to me - 02/19/20 03:27 PM

Sounds awesome Ginger!! So happy for you. laugh
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: All new to me - 02/19/20 03:28 PM

I'm SO glad for you! Keep on keeping on. I'm sure it is scary to have something that seems to be exactly what you have been asking for and hoping for all along and not knowing for sure where it is headed. It is like waiting for the other shoe to drop. That can be tough. But, he seems like a decent guy and you are awesome, so I wish nothing but the best for both of you.
Posted By: kml

Re: All new to me - 02/19/20 04:02 PM

Sounds like the way itís supposed to be when someone capable of a real relationship is actually interested in you! Yay!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 02/19/20 07:04 PM

Thank you! I think the weirdness for me is that it is the way itís supposed to be and I have never had it that way before. Itís just unfamiliar to me, but quite nice. Iím warming up to to it all. And yeah, I do have a tendency to wait for the other shoe to drop or think ďthis canít be real, something has to happenĒ

As for the the guy from October who turned out to the the raging alcoholic..... heís still here, a mess and CPS was called on him. All he did was brag about what a wonderful father he was. About how he does everything for them and his ex wife is too busy partying. He bragged about how when he brought his youngest son trick or treating, the adults stayed back and drank, but not him!

It was all just a huge bunch of insane lies.

Those poor kids. I feel super bad for them.

The universe took him out of my life for sure and for a reason. And that was the catalyst for my changes. He was the one where I said ďgood byeĒ

I hope he cleans himself up at least for the sake of the kids
Posted By: job

Re: All new to me - 02/19/20 08:39 PM

I am so happy for you. He sounds like one of the good guys. Enjoy the time you spend w/him.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 02/20/20 06:23 PM

Thank you! Heís a good guy. Continues to call me his GF. Iím getting more used to it. Heís going to come over later on Friday night so he could walk the dog and spend the night. Itíll be our first sleepover. Then spend the day together Saturday and Sunday I have to work. Iím honestly really looking forward to having someone to do nothing with me on Friday night .

Tonight with work a facility is hosting dinner and drinks at a fancy expensive steakhouse. Canít wait. Itís free.

My coworker who works with me on Thursdayís is killing me. She never shuts up. Like never. And tells the same stories over and over and says ďhuhĒ after everything she says. We are going onto hours of this now and itís unbelievable how it drains you. As I write this she is going on and on and on, I could cry.

Anyways. Canít wait for tomorrow night. Iím exhausted .
Posted By: LH19

Re: All new to me - 02/20/20 07:09 PM

G,

Any chance thereís a plus one for Steak and drinks tonight? If I leave now I can be there by 8:00 pm.
Posted By: doodler

Re: All new to me - 02/20/20 07:11 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Iím honestly really looking forward to having someone to do nothing with me on Friday night .

Do nothing? Riiiiiiight. Come Saturday morning that poor guy won't be able to walk and he'll have a sh!t-faced silly grin that won't go away for a week.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 02/20/20 07:16 PM

Originally Posted by LH19
G,

Any chance thereís a plus one for Steak and drinks tonight? If I leave now I can be there by 8:00 pm.


Hop in the car now! I could use some arm candy!

Originally Posted by doodler
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Iím honestly really looking forward to having someone to do nothing with me on Friday night .

Do nothing? Riiiiiiight. Come Saturday morning that poor guy won't be able to walk and he'll have a sh!t-faced silly grin that won't go away for a week.



Heís having accupuncture beforE he comes over. Iím gonna go easy on him. Maybe.
Posted By: AnotherStander

Re: All new to me - 02/20/20 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1
As for the the guy from October who turned out to the the raging alcoholic..... heís still here, a mess and CPS was called on him. All he did was brag about what a wonderful father he was. About how he does everything for them and his ex wife is too busy partying. He bragged about how when he brought his youngest son trick or treating, the adults stayed back and drank, but not him!

It was all just a huge bunch of insane lies.


Hey Ginger, wow not only is that a crazy story, but I know one that's almost the same! First of all he probably wasn't lying, he actually believes he's a fantastic dad. Of course he's a terrible dad, dreadful. But he's peering through a fog of alcoholism and can't see what he has become.

So the story, thank goodness this isn't me but it's a good friend of mine. He started dating this woman, they went out to dinner once and then every date after that consisted of her inviting him to her house. She would be drunk when he arrived and stay up with him until 4 or 5 am drinking (wine from a coffee mug) and eating in her bed while crying non-stop about how cruel her XH was for taking the kids from her, and about how great a mother she was and how it was all so unfair. Every 30 minutes she would stagger out to the patio to smoke a cigarette. Many times he had to pick her up after she fell on the way there or back. They would have sex and talk about things, and the next day when she would get up at noon she would have zero recollection of any of it. Sometimes she would even ask why he didn't come by, after he had spent the night. He finally got fed up with it and they broke up at 3 am in a huge fight that started in the house and spilled onto the patio, then into the driveway and finally the street with him driving away and her running/staggering towards him down the street screaming. The next day she texted a cheery "Good morning!" He replied back "given the conversation last night I don't think there's anything to talk about." She had no idea what he meant and asked if he was coming by that night. That's only a brief synopsis of the many wild stories he told me while dating her!
Posted By: kml

Re: All new to me - 02/20/20 07:45 PM

WTH was wrong with your friend that he would date her? Should have been over by the third date! Makes you question whether he's an alcoholic too.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 02/20/20 08:28 PM

I am really long of still in shock over this. In rounds today I found it is really bad. They used the word ďbizarreĒ security had to be called and heís a mess. And I happen to be looking back on our texts ( we only saw each other once, but were talking for over a and only his texts were all about what a great wonderful involved father he is. And how perfect he was .
And remember when I said he ran out awkwardly at the end of the date? I have this bad feeling when he had that beer with me, that maybe have been him falling off the wagon . And itís got me a little shook. Itís scary whatís out there and how well people can hide things. I bet the demise of his marriage had much to do with this.

And I think about M. I think his wifeís reasons were a little deeper. There was a reason why he kept me at arms length. And a reason why his ex does not look at him or speak to him.

Anyways, it does freak me out a bit . Hopefully I donít uncover anything major from E.

Iím pretty kosher. I do have a heavy coffee addiction though
Posted By: DonH

Re: All new to me - 02/20/20 08:38 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1
As for the the guy from October who turned out to the the raging alcoholic..... heís still here, a mess and CPS was called on him. All he did was brag about what a wonderful father he was. About how he does everything for them and his ex wife is too busy partying. He bragged about how when he brought his youngest son trick or treating, the adults stayed back and drank, but not him!

There is really a great lesson here. I thought I remembered correctly which guy this was but wanted to be sure. Back from October:

Originally Posted by Ginger1 October 1, 2019
We texted last night for 5 hours. Talking about everything and everything. Some life experiences, small things, like what makes us tick. You name it, we talked about it. And he was interested in ME. The tiny and big details about me. If we didnít have to go to sleep, we would probably still be chatting. It made me realize a lot. In a few days, D knows more about me than M knew in a year. Not just facts, but details about what makes me me.

Heís lived an incredible life so far. I mean incredible. A year ago, he also become very sick and septic and was in my ICU for a while. And he has such an incredibly lease on life. Heís an athlete and an artist, which is an incredibly sexy combo. His wife was a cheater. He tried to keep it together for the kids. But couldnít. She actually rents a house 3 houses away from him and he says they talk kids and money, thatís about it, and they keep it civil. No police station exchanges, Court appointed mediators for every decision.

I will say, if this guy is as advertised, and there is chemistry, he would be that guy Iíve dreaming up. That one you go through all bad stuff to get to.

I hadnít smiled the way I smiled talking to him in a very, very long time.


If I do have the right guy, I remember myself and others trying to say, wow thatís a lot so soon and suggesting you were getting way ahead of yourself, but you were not happy with us for killing your excitement.

Perhaps even more interesting you wrote about how he had been in ICU and nearly died. Wow and holy cow!!!! Is history repeating itself again now? Was he really in ICU the last time for alcohol related issues? One certainly was to wonder. But he did provide a clue there. There likely were other clues but they get pushed down in favor of the good things and the hopeful excitement.

My point here is, it takes this is a perfect example of why it takes TIME to really get to know someone. Talk is cheap and easy. People can say and claim anything, like this guy did. Itís not what they say but what they do and how they act. He seemed incredible at the time. Even the guy youíve been dreaming up and waiting for. While hopeful at the time he clearly was not a dream but a nightmare you avoided. Again just a perfect lesson to learn from for all of us to collect information over time to make an informed decision rather than give benefit of the doubt and hope itís real. So glad you dodged this bullet. Still great to learn from.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 02/21/20 01:27 AM

I am well aware of what I thought and how he presented himself. I am also well aware that people have to prove themselves to you. I had no reason other than to believe anything else at the time.


You never know. And Iím glad it went no further than one date. And I do believe I would have been keen to something being off.

However, yes, I think that time he was in my hospital was possibly for alcohol withdrawal. And I also have this feeling he fell of the wagon the night he had a date with me which is why he acted so weird.

Itís all very unfortunate. And I am so sad for his kids.
Posted By: job

Re: All new to me - 02/21/20 12:31 PM

Ginger,

I know from my own experiences that sometimes red flags don't appear for quite some time. People tend to be on their best behavior when first meeting up w/new people. It's difficult to predict how they will be after just a date or two.

Your new guy sounds very settled and is enjoying spending time w/you and doesn't appear to have any issues w/keeping in touch w/you and is flexible w/your schedule. From your postings, I like his attitude far more than I did w/the other guy.

Enjoy the time you spend w/him.
Posted By: AnotherStander

Re: All new to me - 02/21/20 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by kml
WTH was wrong with your friend that he would date her? Should have been over by the third date! Makes you question whether he's an alcoholic too.


He has issues, no question about it! He doesn't drink though. He's addicted to the chase. He chases women, sleeps with them a few times and then dumps them. I've known him for 7 or 8 years and it's the same pattern repeating over and over again. Meets a new woman, falls all over himself talking about how sexy and beautiful and smart she is, keeps going on dates and getting more and more "serious", then has sex and it's all great and wonderful the first time. Thinks "this may be the one". Then come the complaints. She snores, she eats in bed, her house is a mess, she won't quit texting, she has an annoying cat, etc. etc. Then the inevitable breakup. I've talked to him about it and he's the first to admit it's all true, but then comes another woman and it starts all over again!
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 02/22/20 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I am really long of still in shock over this. In rounds today I found it is really bad. They used the word ďbizarreĒ security had to be called and heís a mess. And I happen to be looking back on our texts ( we only saw each other once, but were talking for over a and only his texts were all about what a great wonderful involved father he is. And how perfect he was .
And remember when I said he ran out awkwardly at the end of the date? I have this bad feeling when he had that beer with me, that maybe have been him falling off the wagon . And itís got me a little shook. Itís scary whatís out there and how well people can hide things. I bet the demise of his marriage had much to do with this.

And I think about M. I think his wifeís reasons were a little deeper. There was a reason why he kept me at arms length. And a reason why his ex does not look at him or speak to him.

Anyways, it does freak me out a bit . Hopefully I donít uncover anything major from E.

Iím pretty kosher. I do have a heavy coffee addiction though



Well, it's about learning about each other, this 'dating' thing ... some of the stuff is wonderful, others probably not so much. It's about finding someone whose not so much meshes in a healthy way with your own not so much, I guess.

Slow, steady, and be present. that's my advice. Hope you had a good night! XO
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 02/22/20 05:18 PM

So far Iím really enjoying getting to know E. Last night we had our first sleepover. His son actually went to stay at his moms which happens rarely, so we took advantage and I went there. And he told me to bring the dog. So me and dog go headed on over. Heís rents a nice big townhome. I brought some dinner over and we watched a movie. It was so nice. And he is a pleasure to sleep with, lol. And Iím talking about literal sleeping. He lightly cuddle and doesnít snore. I swear Every guy Iíve ever slept next to has been a heavy duty sleep apnea snorer. So not smothering me or snoring like a freight train. It was awesome. Been a while since I woke up next to someone else. We had a nice breakfast and now Iím home and we are going to NYC later on. Maybe catch a broadway show or go to the village or Chinatown. Although heís a little nervous about Chinatown. Iím not!

When I was there his dad called and he said ďginger is overĒ so I imagine heís told his dad about me. Things are moving along nicely. Not too fast, not to slow. Just right. Iím fine with where things are.

The one thing Iím not fine with is this second job deal. I work tomorrow. Things are about to get a little crazy for me. Iím going to have minimal free time. Grocery shopping , cooking, cleaning, the gym and social life. And without neededing to be mentioned. Raising my child. Itís going to be really tough. If I truly canít handle it, then I stop. But hopefully Iíll find a way to streamline things so itís not so hard and Iím not so tired .

Thatís all. Going to rest up a bit for my date tonight!
Posted By: DejaVu6

Re: All new to me - 02/24/20 05:57 PM

Your developing R with E sounds like it is moving at a nice pace. Must have felt good to hear him tell his dad that you were over. For sure that means he has talked about you. Thatís a good sign. Hope you had a great date on Saturday night!!!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 02/24/20 10:36 PM

Thanks! The pace is definitely good for me. Heís very cute and I can Tell he really likes being in a relationship. Sharing certain things with his woman, he likes that work my way well around his kitchen and I want to rearrange his Tupperware. He likes to call the spot on his couch where we watched a movie ďour spotĒ and he wants to do stuff with me, whether itís watch a movie, go out, travel, etc. we went to NYC Saturday got some eats and some drinks and saw a broadway show which we keep laughing about because it wasnít good. We spent a lot of time together this weekend and he said he really enjoyed it.

I started my new job yesterday after getting home at midnight Saturday. Came into my full time job today to an obscene amount of work and issues. I have been delirious to the point of exhaustion since I woke up. I had to do my grocery shopping at 8 pm last night .

I donít know how I am going to balance my 2 jobs, child raising, keeping up with a house, exercise and a relationship without a nervous breakdown. I really donít how Iím going to do it all. It was painfully obvious to me yesterday that I keep up with my daughter even when sheís at her dads house and he has no idea whatís going on schoolwise. Iíve got to talk to her and walk through everything on FaceTime.

E is so good at being flexible and understanding. Heís great. He has hobbies which is good.

But how am I going to give what my child deserves, my jobs deserve, my house deserves, my boyfriend deserves, and my pain in the arse dog deserves? Oh and me.

I just donít know. I need a nanny. For me.
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 02/24/20 11:18 PM

You will do this. It feels overwhelming when looking at the combo plate. Just look at the French fries for now. then move on to the burger.
Posted By: doodler

Re: All new to me - 02/24/20 11:22 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Thanks! The pace is definitely good for me. Heís very cute and I can Tell he really likes being in a relationship. Sharing certain things with his woman, he likes that work my way well around his kitchen and I want to rearrange his Tupperware. He likes to call the spot on his couch where we watched a movie ďour spotĒ and he wants to do stuff with me, whether itís watch a movie, go out, travel, etc. we went to NYC Saturday got some eats and some drinks and saw a broadway show which we keep laughing about because it wasnít good. We spent a lot of time together this weekend and he said he really enjoyed it.

That's really gross.
Posted By: kml

Re: All new to me - 02/25/20 12:40 AM

Quote
we went to NYC Saturday got some eats and some drinks and saw a broadway show which we keep laughing about because it wasnít good.


This is a good sign! He could laugh at it and he didn't get all negative - good signs in a person.
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: All new to me - 02/25/20 05:06 PM

Glad you are enjoying this new relationship. It sounds like he is a nice, normal guy and he is really treating you the way you deserve. I'm jealous that y'all can just hop into the city like that. I'm dying to visit NYC.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 02/26/20 11:23 PM

Well, it has been an exceptionally bad 24 hours. Mostly for others connected to me. Last night my friend who just got married texted us and asked for prayers for her dad as her mother and father were on vacation in the Philippenes..... he had a massive stroke. Today she found out he died. She had to start hopping planes to get to her parents..... sheís absolutely devastated. Sheís an only child, her and her husband and her parents love together. Her parents just retired.... he was the happiest proudest father of the bride and couldnít wait for his first grandchild...... I just know her pain is so great. He was such a wonderful man.

I couldnít sleep this morning and I was up at 4:30am. Me and D 12 got into some nice arguments. Then I get to work and find out my aunt is on my unit because she tried to kill herself. But because of her dementia. She doesnít even remember it. My cousin is at wits end, my uncle doesnít know what to do, and she has to get admitted to a psych hospital. My auntís room would have technically been my patient but I gave it to my counterpart. My friend SW also handles the psych cases. My cousin is already texting me with ďthis one should have done this or thatĒ and she is so frustrated and I can feel it coming out towards me. I get it.

My exhaustion is an all time high. I got out of work late again. D12 is in Brooklyn with her her friends and mom at a restaurant to see a band. She will be home at 10:45. E will be over around 8 and be gone before she gets home. I will most likely fall asleep on him, lol. He takes anytime he can to spend with me and is flexible.

He is laid back and handles situations well. I never usually take advantage of my proximity to NYC, but Iím glad we did last weekend! It gets a lot more fun in the better weather.

Iím just beat. And so sad for everyone. Wish I could make it all better for them
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 02/27/20 02:09 AM

G I'm so sorry about your friend's dad. My heart goes out to her and all of you.

Try to get as much rest as you can honey. xoxoxo
Posted By: doodler

Re: All new to me - 02/27/20 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Iím just beat. And so sad for everyone. Wish I could make it all better for them

Yep, that's the heart of the issue. We want to make it better for everyone but it's impossible. That's a tough pill to swallow.
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 02/27/20 01:09 PM

G hope you had some good rest last night and that your auntie is doing better today. Take care of yourself xoxo
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: All new to me - 02/27/20 01:21 PM

Hopefully E money made it all better!!!
Posted By: DejaVu6

Re: All new to me - 02/27/20 02:27 PM

Sorry to hear about you bad day. That IS exceptionally bad. Glad E was there at the end of it to comfort you. (((HUGS)))
Posted By: AnotherStander

Re: All new to me - 03/03/20 03:14 PM

So sorry Ginger, I hope everything gets better soon! Seems like everyone is getting hit with life's poop sandwiches lately, I know I've had a few flung my way!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/03/20 11:18 PM

Thanks guys. Itís been exhausting to say the least.

Not much to report, and generally I donít even have the mental fortitude to say much. I basically work a lot. I worked at the other hospital Monday and Tuesday. So double pay!!! That will be nice I think Iím going to treat myself to this fancy haircut for curly hair I want.

E was supposed to come over tonight and we were going to cook dinner together , but he hasnít slept in 2 nights and thinks heís getting sick. So Iím solo tonight. Enjoying my salmon dinner alone. We saw each other for a few hours Saturday. It was nice he made it work with the few hours I had just to see me. Saturday I work, but after we will have date night and heís going to stay over. Iím pretty much all over the board with my feelings. He is definitely growing on me. He has his quirks, heís a lot different than other guys Iíve dated, and we are still getting to know each other. I do feel more comfortable with him as time goes on. He sent me to a link to a concert he wants to in august with me. Kind of funny itís at the same place M and I tried to see an outdoor concert out, but some sort of tornado ripped through right before the concert started and equipment was flying off the stage. Maybe we Iíll have better luck, lol

Otherwise I am just trying to stay afloat. But I am definitely mentally exhausted
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 03/04/20 12:42 AM

Whatever you do, do NOT use Deva Curl shampoo and conditioner - it is apparently causing some women to lose chunks of their hair and they are pulling it from the market.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/04/20 01:07 AM

Originally Posted by bttrfly
Whatever you do, do NOT use Deva Curl shampoo and conditioner - it is apparently causing some women to lose chunks of their hair and they are pulling it from the market.



I did get the deva cut back in July and I bought the deva curl gel and didnít like it, so I barely used it. Now I see all these claims of hair falling out! And my hair is thin already, I canít afford to lose anymore!
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: All new to me - 03/04/20 02:51 PM

Sorry you are so tired. Glad you and E are finding time and that he is "growing on you". The part about him having quirks made me LOL....we ALL have quirks. I would hate to think what Sparky says my quirks are, but I would imagine it is quite a lengthy list. LOL

As far as curly hair...I have thick curly hair and I shed like nobody's business, but the shampoo/conditioner/product line that works for me is Herbal Essence Totally Twisted. I, for some reason, have a hard time finding it locally and usually end up ordering from Walmart.com and having it shipped to my local store, but it is really the best thing I have found for my particular head of style challenged curls. I tried switching to a different shampoo and conditioner when I was having a hard time finding what I knew worked and I don't even remember what I switched to, but it was awful. It really dragged my curls down and made me look like I hadn't washed my hair in weeks. It was BAD. The Herbal Essence does not make my hair fall out any more than it normally does, but like I said, I'm a shedder, so there is that. LOL
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/12/20 11:03 AM

I guess it wouldnít hurt for a little update. I havenít had the mental fortitude to do so lately. Some days I donít know how I feel and where Iím going . I do know that I work a lot. And Iím often tired. Iím trying to just keep things together and not let everything fall apart around the house. Iím trying to get my exercise in because I really need it physically and mentally.

My cruise is booked and will probably be cancelled. Iím so sad about that. If they donít cancel it and the family we are traveling with is going, we are too. Finally got a nice vacation coming. We got our panic in our hospitals right now. We arenít even having actual meetings anymore. Just Skype meetings. They are preparing in our schools for online working. Itís crazy.

Work is having some big changes. Our boss announced her retirement. Iím sad because sheís great. The big boss is nuts. Iím hoping her replacement is decent

As for E. Pretty sure heís not the one. There is just no depth to our R. He just talks about food and Netflix all the time. He doesnít really have any deeper of a conversation, even when I try. Heís a good Netflix and snuggle type guy, but beyond that, not much for me. Plus, may his kids be grown, his after work schedule is so booked. I try to work my weekday around his sports schedule so we can se eachother once in the week. But he has now added accupuncture, Pt, massage, chiropractors....... heís definitely a high maintanence guy. Iím not maintaining it, but really, he isnít making much of an officer to flex with my schedule. Yesterday when he said he would be too tired after all of stuff and asked me if I was free Friday or Saturday which I told him I wasnít, he did feel badly. I made a 180 by not trying to figure out a solution. I just told him do what you gotta do. If he wants to see me as much as he says he does, he will make it work.

My romantic life is still a flop. Iím hoping to get a fulfilling partnership sometime before I die, but I am facing that there is a good chance it may not happen for me. Some days it feels like my purpose is work like a dog and then I die. Some days I still hVe a glimmer of hope left.

Anyways, thatís my cheery update!
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: All new to me - 03/12/20 11:54 AM

This virus thing is crazy, people freaking out all over the place like zombie apocalypse. Sorry your struggling with E. Nothing wrong with Netflix and chill although I know you want and are looking for more. IMO itís still a win.

Keep your head up G
Posted By: Maika

Re: All new to me - 03/12/20 01:51 PM

Quote
He doesnít really have any deeper of a conversation, even when I try.


I am interested in how this is playing out when you try to have a deeper convo. I am wondering if he's still acting very guarded and doesn't want to be vulnerable. Netflix and other stuff is easy to chat about and there is nothing really on the line. The deeper convos is where you have to take some risk and show yourself. I wonder if he's just not actually deep or thinks about things the way you do, or if he's still got walls up.

You've only been dating for a short time and so it makes sense that this would happen over time. However, if it's not happening fast enough for you, then that's definitely something to consider. I wonder if you're being driven by wanting to find that good deep R and so you can have that part of your life handled, rather than just be in the process and see how things unfold over a bit of time. Sometimes you know if the person isn't right for you, but sometimes it takes digging.
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: All new to me - 03/12/20 03:03 PM

Sorry you aren't feeling it with E. I do think good, deep, meaning relationships take a lot of work and sometimes even good people aren't ready to put that work in. It doesn't mean they are a bad person, just means they aren't in the same headspace. Maybe you'll find some answers in the coming weeks/months or maybe you'll find someone else. Hang on to that glimmer of hope. You never know when it will ignite into a flame of passion. wink
Posted By: kml

Re: All new to me - 03/12/20 04:25 PM

Yeah, my friend dated a guy that she finally gave up on because she couldn't have deep conversations with him. She kept trying and just couldn't get him to participate. Truth is, he's just a gossipy superficial guy and that's the level he's comfortable at. She never would have been happy with him because she's a deep thinker.
Posted By: doodler

Re: All new to me - 03/12/20 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by kml
Yeah, my friend dated a guy that she finally gave up on because she couldn't have deep conversations with him.

Deep convo is a deep subject. You can quote me on that.

From a guy's perspective, I like boats, planes, cars, motorcycles, scuba diving and urinating on flying bugs when I'm in the woods. (They won't let me use the p-e-e word.) I've got two favorite jokes that I can tell and I have three awesome f@rt tricks (well, three variations of the same thing). That's my convo and entertainment repertoire. Here's the thing, once I'm done with cars and planes and my jokes and my f@rt tricks, I'm out of material. Women expect so much from a guy these days. What's a guy supposed to do?
Posted By: pinn

Re: All new to me - 03/12/20 05:13 PM

Originally Posted by doodler
Originally Posted by kml
Yeah, my friend dated a guy that she finally gave up on because she couldn't have deep conversations with him.

Deep convo is a deep subject. You can quote me on that.

From a guy's perspective, I like boats, planes, cars, motorcycles, scuba diving and urinating on flying bugs when I'm in the woods. (They won't let me use the p-e-e word.) I've got two favorite jokes that I can tell and I have three awesome f@rt tricks (well, three variations of the same thing). That's my convo and entertainment repertoire. Here's the thing, once I'm done with cars and planes and my jokes and my f@rt tricks, I'm out of material. Women expect so much from a guy these days. What's a guy supposed to do?



so much pressure!
Posted By: doodler

Re: All new to me - 03/12/20 05:18 PM

Originally Posted by pinn
so much pressure!

Yeah, it takes a lot of pressure to shoot down the bigger bugs; the mosquitoes, not so much.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/12/20 10:53 PM

We have been dating a little over a month and i know in the beginning you should keep it light. But there is only so much you can say about netflix and food. And we all know I am a foodie. I caught him once getting a little vulnerable but he pulled that back pretty fast I think because he thought it would turn me off. I honestly don't think he is the one for me. But I can give it some time. We haven't had a "real" date for over two weeks. He was sick, so we had a date cancelled. We had lunch one day and went to BBB. Then he came over saturday night and we ordered out some food and of course, netflix. Nothing this week because of his intense selfcare/GAL schedule. Maybe something Sunday. I would like to have a real date date with me again. He also really stinks at making decisions, planning,a dn taking the lead. Which is something I find extremely attractive in a man,. We are supposed to go to a concert on March 28th which will probably be cancelled. What I need to see from him is a little more depth and maybe a little more going out. I think he is content with a woman to eat with and netflix and chill with and not much more. ALthough I think he would want to commit to that woman and live with that woman, but that would be the relationship, and it is not enough for me. Which apparently is too much pressure according to doodler.

I realize I have been 12 years and no remarriage or LTR. I am most certainly an outlier. I also realize that if I wanted it "that bad" I am sure i could be married to the wrong person by now. I am employed, a good mom, not hard on the eyes, funny, and independent. But truth be told, I am not willing to just settle for anyone. They need to be a good fit. I am not single still for the pure reason I am a bad partner or I have a bad picker, or I am all messed up. I am single because as much as I desire a long term partnership, it truly needs to be with the right person.

In other news, I am probably not going on my cruise. We also had our first confirmed case at my hospital. Found out at 3pm today. It's a big deal. We are a small community hospital. Odds are strong we have been in contact with someone who was in contact with him. Work is going to become a huge challenge. It already is. It's scary. We are skyping meetings, socially distancing, the whole 9. The hospitals are taking serious precautions. Many many business might shut down or work from home, but that will never happen to a hospital. Fun times.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/13/20 10:49 AM

Maybe this is post worthy......

I just have to say my ex has become so much of a better ex husband than he ever was a husband. He buys my dog stuff, he sent me a link last night where I might be able to save on my cruise, I told him I was replacing D12ís bedroom door, and he offered to come help....... I donít even know who this man is! He would jump to help his sister and friends always, but to do anything nice for me.... never. He hates it. I was the burden. Now, he offers help.

Maybe heís changed a bit. Or maybe heís just awful to the people he marries? I donít know.

But Iíll take it!
Posted By: AndrewP

Re: All new to me - 03/13/20 01:14 PM

Originally Posted by doodler
Originally Posted by pinn
so much pressure!

Yeah, it takes a lot of pressure to shoot down the bigger bugs; the mosquitoes, not so much.
Quite a few years ago I was at a sailing regatta on Lake Conoy just off Chesapeake Bay. It started bucketing down rain on the second day - nasty rain that didn't fool around. The darned mosquitoes still kept attacking. Nothing like our polite Canadian mosquitoes that during bad weather would go off somewhere for a beer and a dish of poutine. It would take an awful lot of pressure to defeat those.

Not having my own thread is fun laugh


Originally Posted by Ginger1
Maybe heís changed a bit. Or maybe heís just awful to the people he marries? I donít know.

But Iíll take it!
Doubtful that he's changed. Hasn't he made it pretty clear that he would be happy to have an "ex with benefits"?
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 03/13/20 03:27 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1
We have been dating a little over a month and i know in the beginning you should keep it light. But there is only so much you can say about netflix and food. And we all know I am a foodie. I caught him once getting a little vulnerable but he pulled that back pretty fast I think because he thought it would turn me off. I honestly don't think he is the one for me. But I can give it some time.


vulnerability = true intimacy, which takes time to develop.
Glad you are giving it some time. It may be that you will move on, or maybe you will find that he's been hiding his light under food and Netflix conversation. Either way, enjoy what you have while you have it (as I know you do). xoxo
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: All new to me - 03/13/20 03:41 PM

G....I have been dating the Doc for over a year now and we don't get bogged down with a ton of in depth conversations. We both know we are committed to each other so what else is there to say? She talks a lot about her day, her life, things that happen in it. I mostly just listen and validate. We have had some general conversations about marriage but nothing specific about the details of it.

Not sure what you are expecting unless you want to discuss his thoughts on the Lebanese position and the overall global impacts of the future markets.

My guess is that it's more than that. Is he not Alpha enough for you?
Posted By: uRworthy

Re: All new to me - 03/13/20 07:30 PM

Here's what I think.. You're just not that into him. I have to be with someone.who can talk about things other than food and Netflix..I'm not talking about intimate talk or vulnerable talk. I'm talking about someone being able to speak about what's going on the world or history or music or entertainment...something..

Ive had the feeling since the beginning that he isnt your guy, G. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Maybe he is just supposed to be your tv and eating buddy, ya know.
Posted By: DonH

Re: All new to me - 03/13/20 08:01 PM

Youíve not talked much about this guy - and that in itself may be saying something. Based on the little you have said and in knowing how youíve handled and spoke about other guys, I agree, youíre just not that into him. The chemistry is just not there. You say you donít have a type and you may not but this guy is not your type. You poo-pooíd his not drinking and if it was JUST that it might be okay but itís part of the package of who he is. You said you wanted a boring Netflix and chill guy. Well youíve got it. But the chemistry is just not their. If it was you would not be able to help yourself from telling us how great he was and how wonderful things were. Heís just not it.

And all of thatís okay. Good even that you are holding out for the right guy. I do the same for the right girl. I donít nessisarily set out to but itís what I feel. Itís not even that there is anything wrong with him. Heís likely not a bad guy - he just doesnít do it for you. You donít think about him all the time, canít wait to see him, e5c. - at least it doesnít seem that way. Youíve given it a chance, youíve given him a chance. Itís just not there. Thatís dating. Itís okay. Itís normal

While I still just chalk it up to not a match, I do wonder if the lack of challenge has a piece in this. Other than the first week or two where he asked you out last minute, he pretty much made you his GF very early on. There was very little challenge or mystery for you. And you claimed thatís what you wanted. Just like you claimed Netflix and chill was what you wanted. The coach and others would say this is a route to the friend zone. Who knows. It just is interesting that some times what we think we want is not what we really want. Just something to think about.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/14/20 12:09 AM

J- Iím sure if your conversations revolves around two things, youíd be pretty bored. Iím not looking to get into world affairs here, but I like a good debate, to see how people think and get different perspectives on things.

You are absolutely right that he is not alpha enough for me. Heís not alpha at all. Even his kids walk all over him and he admitted he has no power at all over them. His son who lives at home gets away with being completely lazy and not going to school. Like he is extremely passive.

And yup, UR, you are right. Iím just not that into him. And he may just be my food and Netflix buddy. And he is friend zoning himself a bit.

Don, I am not just looking for anyone to be with to Netflix and chill with. Itís a great part of an R, but there needs to be more there for that to survive . Itís definitely not the lack of challenge. I donít need that. But I do need a man to take the lead and be a little alpha. Show me heís a man. Make plans, be decisive, not be so passive all the time.

But it what it is right now. At work we have positive case and a few highly suspicious. Itís getting dicey. School will be from home for 2 weeks. Thank god she is old enough to be home alone and sheís pretty disciplined with school . They have certain expectations and she will be logged in. She already set up her home school, lol. She likes structure . At least the dog will have company all day.

And my coworker is pretty sure her son has it. He lives and works in NYC and has 4 roommates and one tested positive and today he isnít feeling well. Iím a little worried because my coworker told him to come home. I share a closet of workspace with her. This should be interesting

Life is weird right now. Iím stealing TP from work because I only had 2 rolls left and you canít get it around here.

It feels like the end of the world
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: All new to me - 03/14/20 03:20 PM

Well G, I am sure that is what caused issues in his marriage as well. I know over the years I got to a point of just pacifying my xw as it was just easier to deal with her. If I had taken a different approach I might not have ended up in this situation. I learned though and am now very aware of when I need to call the doc out on her stuff. Just this morning she cut me off mid sentence and instead of just taking it I told her she cut me off and didnt allow me to finish. She apologized.

Anyway it sounds like maybe he needs to read some books 😉
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 03/14/20 04:23 PM

people are mad, as in crazy..
I've unpacked a new diffuser that I bought a couple years ago and am going to take a nap with that running. my symptoms don't really match up with covid - but I have an elderly woman to take care of and I'm not taking any chances for her sake. do what you can, try to stay as calm and positive as possible, which I know you're doing.

xoxo
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 03/14/20 04:24 PM

in terms of E ... I got nuthin. Sorry babe. It may just fade out on it's own. have you guys decided you're exclusive?
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/15/20 05:21 PM

Iím stressing right now.

Iíve decided no more gym. Itís still open, but I while I am healthy, itís not fair if I pick it up and pass it to an immunocompromised patient.

Iím getting a little depressed. I realize I am a healthcare working going to work every day in a hospital that has infected patients .

I realize that people may not want to be around me at all outside of the hospital for that reason alone. And I feel guilty being around others .

This is really scary in so many levels for healthcare workers.

I hope this gets to an acceptable slow down rate where we can go about our lives again.
Posted By: DonH

Re: All new to me - 03/15/20 06:37 PM

I understand your fear Ginger but take a deep breath (even though itís not a test of Coronavirus as some Facebook posts suggest). How is today any different than a year ago? You very likely had far more flu patients in your hospital and the very same fears apply there. You could have infected or been infected by them. In fact you had a better chance of that a few months to a year ago as Iím reading figures pointing at:

ďJust over a year ago, long before the term coronavirus had entered our collective vocabularies, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported that in just a few short weeks of the 2018-19 winter season, the flu had sickened between 6 million and 7 million Americans. About half of those had gone to the doctor for help. Somewhere between 69,000 and 84,000 had been hospitalized.Ē

Thatís just one example. For whatever reason this hysteria is feeding on itself and if our healthcare workers freak out we are screwed. The Washington Times has a great article on this called ďplease stop the Coronavirus hysteria nowĒ please Google it and read it. I think it will put things in perspective. This wave of hysteria is so out of proportion to actual reality its maddening. By all means taking precautions, etc makes total sense. Iím not saying we should do nothing we just need to get this in perspective. You were not in healthcare when HIV first hit. I was just starting and it was amazing the fear. This has turned into the same thing - even though if you test positive for Coronavirus you very likely will do just fine just as 95% of patients at bare minimum will.

Iíll leave you with this. Everyone points to China since they are on the back side if it all. They have just short of 81,000 cases. Their population is about 1,400,000,000 (thatís 1.4 billion) people. My math says thatís 0.0000571 people infected. However I and others believe the actual number infected could be more like 10 times that because many have little or no symptoms, are never tested and never get counted. So 10 times the number could be closer which reduces the death ratio by 10 times as well.

0.0000571 of China infected. Perspective. Keep perspective. We are going to all be just fine after Coronavirus is gone. Itís the reaction to it that may do the most harm and already has. Donít get sucked in. Read that article. Donít fall to the fear of the unknown. Do what you can and live your life. Your patients need you to keep a level head.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/16/20 11:43 AM

I am not panicking but Iím certainly being very prudent. This is not joke and this is no flu. Itís causes a really bad viral pneumonia . For example, I know certain immunocompromised people who can handle the flu, but not the corona virus. Itís spreading much easier than the flu and it lasts much longer on surfaces and the such.

If we donít flatten the curve, it could be very bad. Me and you might be fine, but anyone with a compromise, not so much

And it is irresponsible for me, a healthcare worker to be spreading this about.

Well, dating is interesting in these time. Our lockdowns are a little heavier here. No one goes to restaurants or bars or fun places anymore. Itís over . So, now me and E can watch Netflix and eat until the cows come home and itís an acceptable date, lol
Posted By: doodler

Re: All new to me - 03/16/20 12:44 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1
If we donít flatten the curve, it could be very bad. Me and you might be fine, but anyone with a compromise, not so much.

I've been looking at things a little differently. I'm in very good health, but I'm supposedly in a higher risk group because of my age (I'm 60). I've heard, many times, that 80% of people have little or no symptoms of coronavirus, and apparently a vaccine, at best, is many months away. In addition, there seems to be a consensus that there's a high likelihood that medical facilities will be overwhelmed at some point. Looking at this from an individual perspective, it would probably be better for me to go ahead and get the virus early, before the medical facilities become overwhelmed. I know that sounds terrible, evil and not civic minded but, in the overall scheme of things, I don't have much incentive to dramatically change my habits. Avoidance may be counterproductive for me.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/16/20 12:51 PM

Originally Posted by doodler
Originally Posted by Ginger1
If we donít flatten the curve, it could be very bad. Me and you might be fine, but anyone with a compromise, not so much.

I've been looking at things a little differently. I'm in very good health, but I'm supposedly in a higher risk group because of my age (I'm 60). I've heard, many times, that 80% of people have little or no symptoms of coronavirus, and apparently a vaccine, at best, is many months away. In addition, there seems to be a consensus that there's a high likelihood that medical facilities will be overwhelmed at some point. Looking at this from an individual perspective, it would probably be better for me to go ahead and get the virus early, before the medical facilities become overwhelmed. I know that sounds terrible, evil and not civic minded but, in the overall scheme of things, I don't have much incentive to dramatically change my habits. Avoidance may be counterproductive for me.




My friend actually asked me about getting the virus early before the medical community becomes overwhelmed.

She has a child who is immunocompromised and this Iíll was can be sure to her because of other health conditions.
Sheís freaking.

I on the other hand will come into contact with medically fragile people. So I have to change my habits. And itís got me a little sad.

I do think you should go about your life and practice good hand washing techniques and if you do suspect you have it, stay home. The average person I think should do that. But I would stay away from anyone who is medically compromised. Those are the people Iím worried about.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/16/20 01:00 PM

When I say ďmakes me sadĒ I mean just the social isolation part. That I could put others at risk and will become a little socially isolated. But I still get to go to work. Many donít
Posted By: AndrewP

Re: All new to me - 03/16/20 02:20 PM

{(((Ginger1)))}
Posted By: job

Re: All new to me - 03/16/20 07:48 PM

Ginger,

Please take care of yourself and stay safe. I know you are doing everything you can during this time of crisis. We are now going to be on lock down starting at 5 this evening and only can obtain carry outs and do banking in the days ahead. It's very sad when the world has come to this, but in order to keep people healthy and safe and yes, walking on this earth, drastic measures had to be implemented.

Thinking of you and the entire medical staff all over the world.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/17/20 01:29 AM

Tomorrow I start 11 days in a row of work. Things at work have changed drastically. It will be interesting to say the least.

I am incredibly fortunate that my child takes school so seriously and can homeschool herself. Actually, her dad and his wife are off and I gave her the option to move her ďschoolĒ to her dadís . She said ďnope, I need to concentrate and I. C Ant have any distractionsĒ she doesnít want anyone home, lol. She even YouTubed gym today and did a workout. Iím blessed to have a child who takes school seriously and enjoys it.

Iím nervous about going to work. Iím not going to lie. IM not on the frontlines anymore, but I feel a need to be. I imagine thatís how service people feel when there is a war.

Iím thankful I am still going into work. I would probably go crazy being home bound

I hope this all disappears soon
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/18/20 10:51 AM

I am so grateful right now that I have a job and one that I can go physically go to.

I am so lucky my daughter is old enough and takes school so seriously that I donít have to worry about her for a second while I am at work.

And yesterday she cleaned the whole house as a surprise ( well, except the bedrooms and the bathroom as she indicated on the sign on my front door) and had a note about how I do so much for her and I deserve this with a glass of wine waiting for me. I am such a lucky mom. She can be a stubborn pain in the butt, but she is such an incredibly good kid.

I found out that my unit is probably going to become the COVID unit. This should be interesting. I pray for my friends who give direct patient care on that floor. Luckily they are mostly young healthy nurses and CNAĒs but imagine so scary for them. I heard out office is going to become a linen closet so howíd knows where they will put us, lol.

Iím trying to get outside and some fitness in to keep my sanity and health. There is nothing to do other than eat. But we walked the dog yesterday.

Crazy times.
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 03/18/20 12:42 PM

very proud of lil G ... stay safe my friend. get as much rest as possible. xoxoxo
Posted By: kml

Re: All new to me - 03/18/20 04:01 PM

Your daughter is awesome!
Can somebody you know sew you a fabric mask to wear at work? (I know all the disposable ones are going to patient care).
Take your vitamin D and C to help you fight off any germs. Drink your coffee if you like it because I found a research article from last year, on a different, milder coronavirus, that showed that caffeic acid was effective against it (a compound in coffee, NOT caffeine).

Also handy tips - if you don't have a washable keyboard cover, we are using saran wrap on our keyboards and changing it daily. And if hand sanitizer isn't available, my local pharmacist suggested Listerine in a spray bottle.

My office is still open but we don't see sick patients and our volume is very low so social distancing is easy to do. I sewed masks for all my staff.We are converting as many appointments as we can to telephone visits.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/19/20 07:17 PM

Thanks KML. We are given the proper cleaning equipment here to stay sanitized. The environmental staff is doing an excellent job of keeping everything sanitized. Weíve got purely everywhere you turn. Iíve been taking vitamin C. Leaving my shoes outside, etc.

Well, I am officially being viewed as a leper. I know was coming. E came over last night and everything was fine. He spoke to his son today and his sons are very concerned that he is dating a nurse and he will bring something home. He thinks his ex W planted the thought. I think he has the thought himself, quite honestly. I told him itís best we donít see eachother because I donít want to make your sons upset. He told me ďdonít worry, we will get through this no matter whatĒ

Honestly, I would never put anyone at danger. I am not giving direct patient care and I am not in the rooms with any sort of respiratory rule out now. They are making our unit the COVID unit. I donít even know where Iíll be in the hospital and what that means for my job. But if I did work at the bedside and giving direct patient care, I would be distancing myself from him. I know better. I wouldnít put anyone at risk.

But I get it. The hysteria is on and anyone who works in the hospital is views as someone you want to stay very far away from.

It is what it is.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/20/20 12:15 PM

Today I am the case manager of all the COVID patients. I believe they will be my patients going forward. Iím secretly glad for this opportunity because I get full access to their charts so I can see whatís really going on here. Itíll be interesting for sure.

My poor nurses on the floor. They are all young and scared. But they are probably they are just an incredible group of nurses. Keep them in your thoughts
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 03/20/20 12:42 PM

done G xoxo
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: All new to me - 03/20/20 01:02 PM

My continued thoughts and prayers are with all of you nurses who right on the very front line of this, along with the doctors, EMTs, paramedics, and myriad of other healthcare workers that make doctor's offices, clinics and hospitals run like clockwork. Sparky's daughter is a nurse and I pray for her daily (and you as well, G).

I totally echo what bttrfly said on her facebook post early this morning. You are a hero. Sure, some people worship actors and athletes, but I tend to idolize those who put themselves on the line for their fellow man unfailingly and unceasingly and you do that every day. Thanks, G!

And way to go, little G, on that fantastic meal you pictured. Yummy! I'm so impressed with her. Could she do a guest lecture via Zoom with my students and explain to them how to get their a$$e$ in gear????????????????
Posted By: kml

Re: All new to me - 03/20/20 02:02 PM

Are they experimenting with any off-label drugs for treatment? Yesterday I saw a trial with hydroxychloroquine plus Azithromycin with very promising results (hydroxychloroquine is not a completely benign drug for the folks reading along so donít go running to your doctors asking for a bottle; plus we need to preserve supplies for the people who really need it. It can cause vision loss in some cases for instance).
The study showed the combination reduced PCR levels to 10% in 3 days and almost zero in five. The combination was better than hydroxychloroquine alone at doing this, not sure why.
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: All new to me - 03/20/20 02:45 PM

Stay safe G.....that's awesome!
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: All new to me - 03/20/20 02:48 PM

Originally Posted by kml
Are they experimenting with any off-label drugs for treatment? Yesterday I saw a trial with hydroxychloroquine plus Azithromycin with very promising results (hydroxychloroquine is not a completely benign drug for the folks reading along so don’t go running to your doctors asking for a bottle; plus we need to preserve supplies for the people who really need it. It can cause vision loss in some cases for instance).
The study showed the combination reduced PCR levels to 10% in 3 days and almost zero in five. The combination was better than hydroxychloroquine alone at doing this, not sure why.


I am clearly NOT a doctor, so take this for what it is worth. I went to high school with a guy who is a doctor in our hometown and there must be some kind of study out there floating around because he posted on his facebook yesterday to not start calling his office asking for those specific drugs that you mentioned for exactly the reasons you stated. I, blessedly, am not sick and on top of that, I am not a medicine taker anyway. I don't like to take stuff unless I absolutely HAVE to, so I won't be running out asking for anything, but if this is an effective drug, let's save it for those who really need it unless there is an endless supply for everyone.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/20/20 10:15 PM

What a day. Itís awful on the inside. I had all COVID patients today and they are rebuilding my unit to be the COVID unit. I got kicked off my unit because they are restructuring the whole thing. Making the nurses station enclosed. The nurses are beyond stressed. One was crying. They are being lose with guideline. I now sit with the next person 6 inches away from me. A young patient is dying. He is an NP who came into contact with positive patients. I donít think heís going to make it.

All these patients are on hydroxychloroquine/azythromycin some got approval for the use of another another anti viral. They are using HIV antivirals.

All I can say itís different on the inside. Very different. And really scary. Iím exhausted and stressed and feel so bad for those giving direct care. I bought our floor lunch today. They needed a pick me up. I wanted to hug them, but I canít.

I am actually emotionally spent. Back to work tomorrow. I donít have a day off until next Saturday .

I am still thankful to have a job I go to every day. But I think the truth is I will probably get this. I am probably a carrier. I just pray I donít pass it to anyone else
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 03/21/20 02:13 AM

prayers G. stay positive honey rest as much as you can. xoxoxoxo
Posted By: BluWave

Re: All new to me - 03/21/20 05:28 AM

Oh Ginger, take care, sister. XOXO. Iím with you. I didnít read all your posts because Iím so tired. I think you are in the North East and so we are just behind you on the west. Iím an ICU Charge nurse and Iím on day 10 of I donít know how many. The patients are coming. We canít get test results so they are taking up ICU beds. We are running out of PPE. People are scared and tired. They are cutting holes in every ICU room for more filters. But we donít have enough staff if we fill these rooms. I feel like we are watching a hurricane coming. I barely sleep and I just keep getting up every day and trying to fight and plan and prepare. Itís surreal. But Iím in this and just keep going ... I hope we can all win the battle together .... PS Everyone please, please stay home .....

Blu
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/21/20 10:39 AM

Bluewave! You are truly on the frontlines as an ICU Charge nurse, I used to be the same! It's actually been hard for me not to be at the bedside in all of this treating these people. I cared for a very sick young H1N1 patient back in the day who ended up dying. Doctors wouldn't go in the room. Nurses and respiratory only ended up in there. My daughter was an infant at the time and I certainly had more than a few turns to care for him. It was scary

I am in the northeast, in the NY/NJ metropolitan area. Right outside of bergen county which got hit very hard. Alot of people who live where I work travel into NY for work. We are saturated with cases.The arguement is on between whether this is droplet or airborne precautions, We ran out of Hepa filters so administration felt "eh, droplet is enough". This left our charge nurse crying. I just want to hug them all, but I can't! My unit is an intermediate unit and they may begin taking ICU cases and the nurses are worried about that. I kind of just want ot get back to the bedside and help them there, but we are shorthanded and my dad is having a heart attack when he heard nurses are being pulled from their non bedisde positions to fight this battle.

My thoughts are with you and your staff. I do hope everyone stays home while all the healthcare workers fight their battles. I have hear this will literally be like a warzone disaster operation.

PLease take care of yourself at this time. You have to. I know how hard it is to sleep, function eat, BUt you have to care for yourself, ok?! Stay strong and stay safe!
Posted By: pinn

Re: All new to me - 03/21/20 11:13 AM

So crazy.... grateful for both of you. Stay safe!
Posted By: kml

Re: All new to me - 03/21/20 02:46 PM

I spent the afternoon and evening yesterday sewing fabric masks for healthcare workers.

How long have your patients there been on the hydroxychloroquine/Azithromycin combo? In the study (prepublication) the blood PCR levels (viral RNA in the blood) decreased to 10% in like 3 days and was virtually zero in 5.

I did treat one outpatient this week with presumptive CoVID (couldnít get her a test because we still have hardly any tests here and you pretty much have to be getting admitted to the hospital with pneumonia to get one; but the history and progression of symptoms over a week was highly suspicious). She improved significantly within a day. Without a test I canít be sure she didnít just have a secondary bacterial infection that responded to the Azithromycin. But her symptoms really lined up best with CoVID and I think I kept her out of the hospital.

Some natural/preventive things you can try:
Caffeic acid - coffee is rich in this compound, or I got Green Coffee extract capsules which have very little caffeine but lots of Caffeic acid. A study last year showed it was effective against another, milder coronavirus.

Vitamin D - deficiency makes people more susceptible to many infections.

Andrographis - this herb has been studied in dengue fever for its interaction with furin, a protein that also seems to be involved in this coronavirus.

As for recovery - SARS patients were studied for the lung fibrosis they developed ; this seemed to be due to activation of EGFR. Natural substances that block EGFR include melatonin, ECGC (green tea extract) and honokiol. They might turn out to be helpful.

Hoping your young NP pulls through. My nurse is an ECMO nurse on the front lines and sheís scared to death.
Posted By: kml

Re: All new to me - 03/21/20 03:58 PM

My NIECE is an ECMO nurse.
Posted By: job

Re: All new to me - 03/21/20 05:29 PM

I am keeping all of the medical staff and emergency personnel in my thoughts and prayers during this time of crisis because you are needed more now than ever. Praying for everyone in the world as we all are going through this crisis. Please, please get as much rest as you can when you are home, drink plenty of fluids and the info that kml provided may be very helpful to all of you.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: All new to me - 03/23/20 10:51 AM

Thank you so much Job. They need all the prayers they can get. It's really bad. We are running out of supplies. ANd we are getting more and more patient's. An ED doctor from one of our sister hospitals is a new one. One is actually E's ex wife's friend's mom. SHe's doing well though. BUt when you aren't doing well with this, you aren't doing well.

I got kicked off my unit friday because they made it into the COVID unit. Just started building walls and windows..... FOr now we are sitting on a different unit with a literal 6 inches apart from us. It's not good. We should be working from home. We can do our jobs from home. But we aren't. I worked my job at my other hospital in the same system and they are protecting their case managers better, keeping them out of ALL rooms, not only iso. They are allowed to wear scrubs. Not us! We are shoved like sardines in a tiny closet office right int he middle of a unit. It's just stressful. ANd i really feel for those on the frontlines. That used to be me.

In other news, D12 is doing well with her home schooling. It is indefinitie when she will return. E and I are not physically seeing eachother for now due to my exposure. HIs son's decision at first. Now it's mine because I was too close for comfort to these COVID patients and I can't social distance at work. I can say this. E is REALLY into me. He likes me alot. I'm all over the board with my feelings. He is not what I am used to, that's for sure. I realize I do have certain qualities in a man I am usually attracted to. Usually a manly man type. That is not E. I call him bougee all the time. He grew up rich, likes the good things in life, can't fix anything, and grooms and pampers himself like a metrosexual. He isn't gay. He is just well cared for. At least he plays sports, lol. He's a self proclaimed Mr. Niceguy. ANd he did tell me he really doesn't drink. He does once in a blue moon. But I have drank everytime in front of him, and he never said anything. It's my thing, my wine at night, and no one is going to stop me! He knows hes a pushover. But he can be really sweet. So, I am just going to see how this plays out.

My ex has been so good to me. Never thought I would say that. He went to home depot to pick up the right door knob for D12's room when I couldn't find it. He installed it when he came to pick her up. He made homemade sauce and made a container for which he will drop off with D12. (it's not for D12, because she doesn't like red sauce). He is also giving me a few rolls of TP. Maybe people do change? It makes me a little sad he wasn't good to me when we were married. But hey, I'm glad he's good to me now. ANd no, he doesn't want me back and I don't want him back. When there is no pressure, I think it's easier to be kinder. My ex was always so good to his friends. He would always help them out when they needed it. His g/f's wives were people who were supposed to do for him. Now I am neither, he's better and I'll take it.

That's all folks, off to work! Stay safe everyone!
Posted By: JujuB

Re: All new to me - 03/23/20 12:08 PM

A lot of narcissists are good to everyone else - except their family. Itís all about image control. OW got what she deserved. Thatís for sure.

So happy to hear you were moved and not in direct patient care. But I am really frustrated with hospital policies that go against what everyone is preaching on the news. I canít publicly post my own experiences but if you want to privately contact we can catch up.

What it comes down to - is that all agencies (especially profit driven ones) need strict mandates and regulations in theses times - because they donít give a sh!t about their workers or about the public. They still only care about the bottom line which is making money. Itís scary and I wish I can get into more detail.
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: All new to me - 03/23/20 01:44 PM

stay safe, both of yoU!
Posted By: job

Re: All new to me - 03/23/20 03:04 PM

Everyone, please stay safe!

New Thread:

It's crazy out there
© 2021 DivorceBusting.com