Divorcebusting.com

The odd one out

Posted By: Ginger1

The odd one out - 01/13/20 10:35 PM

Previous Thread:

Lost, but hoping to find myself

My title is fitting, because thatís the way I feel.

Job, thank you. This is actually the only place I feel comfortable venting in my life. Iím still here after all these years due to the unremarkable support and friendship. I hate being the miserable one all the time.

I had the day off. Went to the doctor, refilled my meds, went to return stuff at the mall, went to the grocery store, went to the gym, and went to TJís soon Iím going to cook the kid and I a steak dinner as per her request. First I have to ice my painful feet. I will tell you, I love those endorphins from hard exercise. Since Iím not getting them from chocolate anymore, exercise is the place.

If anyone read my last post, itís just really tough not having someone ( an adult) who comes home and asks about your day and kisses your forehead. For so many years now. Iíve just lost hope.

My area of growth, however, is even though I think I might be at the loneliest right now, I still know I would not settle for any less than I want or deserve. I will not act of desperation. Especially when I know that will only get me right back where I am now.

Funny OLD story of the day. I think I mentioned a guy on FB dating liked me who happens to the brother of twins that were in my class. When I mentioned that, I think he might have freaked. Then today we matched on bumble. It I didnít place him right away. First, I placed him as someone I talked to a while back on Bumble and I said he seemed really familiar. The. I really put it together! And I said, ďhey, itís you again! So and soís brother!!!l we keep finding each other on dating sites! I probably REALLY scared him away this time. But heís so freakiní cute. He graduated in 95í , my exís sister graduated in Ď94 and 96í, my ex graduated in 97í and i in 98í all from the same small high school.

There is this other guys I am talking to who seems so normal. Heís been divorced for 10 years, had a 7 year LTR in there and has been single for a year. He also had a 13 year old daughter. Heís got a little bit of my interest.

I told my D 13 she could have a sleepover this weekend. Itís fun for me to see her have fun, so why not? Itíll be a pizza and painting sleepover .
Posted By: DejaVu6

Re: The odd one out - 01/13/20 10:42 PM

Sounds like you have a few possibles in the mix Ginger. Please donít give up hope. It will happen!!! (((HUGS)))
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: The odd one out - 01/14/20 03:58 AM

{{{{{hugs}}}}}
I think the guy who keeps popping up is an interesting possibility, if he's not scared.

xoxoxo
Posted By: kml

Re: The odd one out - 01/14/20 06:30 AM

Take your time shopping girlfriend.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/14/20 12:52 PM

Iím sure taking my time. This guy has carried himself wonderfully so far. But I know nothing about him.

This week will be the worst at work. Just got the text that the joint commission is here to do their 4 day survey. If anyone is in healthcare, they know the joint commission showing up is like having FBI investigating a crime scene. If I get chosen for an interview Iíll probably just break and cry.

Of course they couldnít start day 1 yesterday when I wasnít there
Posted By: DejaVu6

Re: The odd one out - 01/14/20 02:23 PM

(((Ginger))). Hang in there girl... you are a strong and intelligent woman. You got this!!
Posted By: doodler

Re: The odd one out - 01/14/20 02:32 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1
If I get chosen for an interview Iíll probably just break and cry.

Change your mindset. If you're chosen for an interview, one of your interviewers might be the Mr. Wonderful that you've been looking for all these years.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/14/20 11:38 PM

We locked our selves into the closet of an office we have today. Of course we came out to see patients, otherwise we were locked away. Day 1 down. I fear the interview because itís a phobia. I do not do well on the spot with people asking me questions like an interrogation. I hate public speaking. I just become a stutterer. You should see what I do around really good looking guys, itís even worse! Today was just another crazy busy day where I got out late.

So this new guy only has his daughter every other weekend and we are on opposite weekends. I canít wrap my head around why a father would only see his kid every other weekend ( which my ex does with the exception of 4 extra nights on the month) I am not going to judge yet..... but I can barely get a date to happen with opposite weekends. Anyways, I told him my child schedule and that we are on opposite weekends and replied ď great! Guess thatís that!Ē Oh well.
I face plenty of challenges in this OLD world with majority custody . And Iím not willing to bend for anyone who doesnít bend for me anymore. So I guess thatís that.

And not to hijack anyoneís thread anymore. Iíll place this here. I mentioned on Jís thread that knew my R wasnít really all that good when I looked at the way J appreciated and treated the Dr. and how M did not appreciate me and treated me like an afterthought. I will never go back there anymore. I deserve to be treated like Jís doctor.

And dawn. About my feelings towards The exís wife. I know she must have stepparent struggles. I know they arenít one big happy family. But to look at the 3 of them plastered on FB..... the memory of how they came to be that kicks me in the gut sometimes. The truth behind those pictures I only know. And it is upsetting.

And to speak to the the thoughts on whether their ex is happy or not.... I knew I was totally over my ex when I didnít think or care anymore if he was happy or unhappy. I know many people soothe themselves by the thought of their exís being unhappy after their decision to divorce . That doesnít soothe me at all. And if he is very happy? That doesnít anger me anymore either. Because I know that I was not happy with him. Maybe the only thing I derive is that Iím not crazy. Because he hasnít changed. He treats me better than he ever did, honestly, but thatís because Iím not his wife. He treats his women very poorly. Iím not his anymore.

Iím still just lonely and overwhelmed as ever. Maybe I just need to hold out until D has graduated high school. Iíll have more freedom and flexibility then. Iím not counting on much happening until then.

Another day.
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: The odd one out - 01/14/20 11:59 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1


And dawn. About my feelings towards The exís wife. I know she must have stepparent struggles. I know they arenít one big happy family. But to look at the 3 of them plastered on FB..... the memory of how they came to be that kicks me in the gut sometimes. The truth behind those pictures I only know. And it is upsetting.



Understood! I apologize if I offended you or hurt your feelings. That was absolutely not my intention. Iím sure it is a very difficult thing. Iím sorry you have to deal with it.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/15/20 12:05 AM

You never, ever hurt my feelings dawn! Ever! I also got a taste of the struggle of the stepparent being with M. I wasnít the stepparent, and I was lucky to have that kid love me. But M wasnít all for it. He had lots of rules, put lots of boundaries in place because of his insecurities. And it is HARD trying to tread that fine line. I would have really really struggled if we got married. Not because of the child. Not even because of the mother. But because of the guy I loved. I have the utmost respect for stepparents, the ones who came into the kids lives in a legit fashion. Living a kid that you didnít give birth to...... itís very powerful.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/15/20 11:24 PM

It was a bad bad day. In personal life and at work. I nearly had tears a few times at work. I worked late again and had at least an hour more of work to do, but I wanted to go to my exercise class. And I almost didnít go and stayed and finished work. But I said ďscrew thatĒ and I left and made my class and I burned off my steam.

Pretty much everything is going wrong right now, I wonít go into details. But if I could give up and say ďF itĒ I would.

On a lighter note, doodler was kind of right. In our rounds today the Joint people came to our floor and there was this gorgeous guy with piercing blue eyes ( my weakness) . I locked eyes with him which you should never do with one of them, but I couldnít help.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/16/20 02:46 AM

I came home tonight after the gym, cooked dinner, cleaned up, showered, and I was about to sit down and ice my feet.......

And itís like 8 pm and my daughter says she wants me to straighten her hair. And I said ďno way, no tonight, I donít have the energy and itís lateĒ she then tells me she needs to be able to do it on her own and she will do it herself. Well, she has a monsterous head of curly hair with no left handed coordination and is terrified of he flat iron. I cried in my room because Iím at my breaking point and I hated the fact I had no energy to help my daughter do her hair. When you have a girl entering her teen years and she wants to do something with you as simple as her hair..... you donít say no.

So I ended up doing her hair. My feet were killing me and I was exhausted and I ah e to go to work early tomorrow to finish up todayís work.... but I did her hair. And when she hugged me and said ďmommy I love you so much. Thank you for doing my hairĒ my heart just melted.

Iím not going to lie. If it wasnít for her, I donít know how much I would care about life. Iíve done so much inner work, outer work, made every effort in my life to make the right decisions, to better my life and honestly, for what? To struggle every day? But for my daughter. Well, if my sole purpose on this earth is to be her mom and I was meant for nothing else? I am fine with that.
Posted By: HaWho

Re: The odd one out - 01/16/20 03:21 AM

Awww Ginger - you rock! Truly, you do.

And thank you for all the help you always gave me in my situation. You are such a voice of reason.

Sending you positive energy.
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/16/20 03:27 AM

G - I am sorry you are struggling and I don't have any answers as to why this has happened to you. But I do know that your daughter is very lucky to have you as her mom. There are millions of little girls that would love to have their mom help them with their hair. Maybe your purpose in life, at this juncture, is to be the best mom you can be to your little one. To give her all of the love and attention you have. Maybe this is where you are supposed to be for whatever reason.

Hang in there G!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/16/20 11:22 AM

Awww, thank you. ha who, thank you. I just always saw such an amazing mom and woman in you who deserved the world.

J- thank you. I didnít have a mom role model so this role really scared me when I had to go at it alone. And while I havenít been perfect, there is no doubt that child feels safe, loved, and important because of me. And thatís all that really matters. Maybe this is my sole purpose right now.

She saw me looking at bumble the other night. She doesn t want me to date. She couldnít answer why. Iíve been just as good of a mom even when I do. She recently told me she missed one of my ex boyfriends, the first one she ever met. He was her favorite. She told me she was not a fan of FF, and M was her second favorite. I think the reason is because she doesnít like to see me hurt when we break up.

Maybe, just maybe Iím supposed to wait until she is on her own, I am moved and life for ME will begin. Iíll still be in my 40ís. Maybe in the meantime I should just keep it casual. I actually changed my bumble profile to reflect that. I said I was hoping for the real deal one day, but until then, someone to hang out with and enjoy outings together and some Netflix and cuddle would be nice.

Dreading going into work today. But tonight we have a a free food and drink event. And Iím looking forward to that as D 12 will be at her dads. This weekend she has a sleepover at my house. She is really excited .
Posted By: bttrfly

Re: The odd one out - 01/16/20 11:56 AM

{{{G}}}
love you xoxoxo
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/16/20 12:34 PM

It's really hard to know G and understand while you are in but there has to be a reason. When I think about meeting the Dr. and her having a little boy that really has no R with any male figures in his life my head sometimes wonders to that place of where I think this was supposed to happen. I dont have this passion in life and have struggled with what my own purpose is as well but I do know that I am a really good dad. Maybe that is my gift and purpose for him and the Dr.

Not trying to get all woo woo but you just never know.
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: The odd one out - 01/16/20 01:50 PM

You are an amazing mom! Your daughter is safe, happy, healthy, and knows she is loved. You provide her with a very stable environment and a great role model for how she should be later in life. Maybe she is your purpose, at least for the moment, but who knows? The thing is, I'm not overly religious, but I do firmly believe that God has a plan for everyone and we aren't always privy to all of the steps of that plan. We have no control over it either, as it is all in His hands, but it will be revealed to you in time.

If I may offer a contrary opinion, I don't necessarily think you are going to have to wait until little G is 18 and out of the house to date/find love again. I know you don't want to think about it, but she's banging on the door of those teenage years HARD and she'll be out doing her own thing then. That doesn't mean y'all won't still have a great, close bond, but she'll be doing her own thing more and you will have more free time then. She may even pull back on that whole not wanting you to date thing as she starts to experience those things for herself.

You really are a catch, G. I know you are frustrated, tired, down, don't want to wait any more, but I'm convinced there is a grand plan for you that will result in your finding everything you want and need in life.
Posted By: kml

Re: The odd one out - 01/16/20 05:14 PM

Don't change your listing to casual - that will just attract all the d!ck pic guys who want a quick roll in the hay.

Keep your dating separate from your daughter - you're right, she may hate seeing you hurt, but HER feelings also get involved in these relationships. How about next time you wait a year before involving her in your dating relationship?

And yes, maybe just date for fun for a while without looking for THE GUY. Or get involved in social activities that are mixed groups. It's an election year, maybe get involved in supporting your candidate. Or join a bowling league. Or softball team.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/18/20 12:31 AM

Dawn, I could only hope that you are right. The universe must be holding out for something great on me. I just don't get my hopes up anymore. You said some very kind words, and i hope you are right

KML- I am apolitical for the post part, so that isn't happening. and i did not change to casual on bumble. I just gave a more casual vibe. ANyways, I seem to not be matching with any and everyone is in Manhattan and you would be surprised, despite our mileage proximity, neither side is willing to cross the river to date. I've already pretty much thrown the towel in on online dating.

It's not only poor lonliness that gets me down. It's also the burden after so many years that comes with being a single parent. By burden, I mean financially, working long hard hours, 2 job, not splitting a darn responsibility because there is no one else to share it with. I managed this through the hardest years. BUt it is really the amount of years and it is honestly wearing me to the bone. I come home with not much left to give, yet I dig into my reserves and give. ANd I am zapped. I have bills that go unpaid not only because I am broke, but because I don't even get a lunch break anymore to stop and pay, my brain simply shuts down when I sit down at 9pm after everything and I forget. The burden of everything on your shoulders does not get lighter over the years, it gets heavier. On the other hand, If I was not a single parent, I would be financially secure, able to handle working like a dog, etc. HOWEVER, I would never ever ever want that. I will take the struggle a millions times over, but I am sad it has to be such a struggle. I ve been caring for myself since I was a teen. I was out on my own very young. I am tired. Oh so tired.

Anyways, nothing I can do about it. I do what I can and that is get up every day and do what has to be done.

Negative: I have a bad cavity which is causing me lots of pain. I have been grinding my teeth while awake. I have no time to fix it. I also have to go repeat my drug test for my new job because their computer lost it. I have no drugs in my system, however, it took me 2 trips and over an hour to complete it. I get to do it again and have to ask for time off of this job. yet another person has ditched out on me last minute to get my couch. One person broke their ankle, this one has a very sick kid in princeton he had to pick up all of a sudden. Apparently my couch is bad for people's health.

Positive. Ummmmmm. I had a good time out last night at a work event. It was deliciously catered, open bar, good company. It's a perk of my job that is killing me. The facility happened to be around the corner from M's house, and i was tempted to see if it was still boarded up, but i didn't. I was also talking to my physical therapist, turned my friend, turned my coworker. She was helping out on my floor today and she said we MUST go out soon, I should come over house, and she wants me to come on her and her boyfriends boat this summer. Her boyfriend is the PT aide who was too young for me, but i had a crush on. (before they were together) he is in the fire academy for the city FF works for right now. She told me he is always asking about me. SO maybe he can hook me up with an older single firefighter AT least it's a social life!

A spot ended up opening on the hike this sunday for the meetup I was waitlisted for. However, I agreed for my daughter to have a sleep over, so I can't go.

All I know how to do these days is wake up, get up, put my big girl panties on and do what I got to do.
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/18/20 12:25 PM

G,

Why are you throwing in the towel on OLD already? What happen to the guy who was holding his own?
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/18/20 12:29 PM

He found out we were on opposite kid weekends and said ď well, that isnít going to workĒ and I never heard from him again.
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/18/20 12:48 PM

Seriously?

I wouldn't give up just yet.
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/18/20 12:58 PM

Dont give up, dont ever give up!!
Posted By: DejaVu6

Re: The odd one out - 01/18/20 03:57 PM

Exactly what J9 says Ginger. You NEVER know what is around the corner for you. Your life can change in an instant. Look at me. I added a person on Facebook on a whim...a name I had seen 100 times before...and everything changed because of a momentary impulse. Time will tell if it is going to be lasting change but regardless, my point is that there is always hope and there are many, many people out there looking for the same thing you are looking for. Do not give up. The universe has a plan for you and it will be revealed when the timing is right. In my case, if I had added Brook as a FB friend at any other time in the last 20 years, he would have been married and we would not have started talking. It had to be now. Maybe there is a Brook out there for you who is in a relationship that is nearing its conclusion but isnít quite over yet. Itís all about timing. So chin up... you are AWESOME. You deserve someone who is equally as awesome. Heís out there. I know he is. (((HUGS)))
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/18/20 11:01 PM

Well, I guess I didnít give up. I havenít been having any luck at all and I swiped a whole ton. Canít get past the first message, everyone is in Manhattan, everyone still wants kids!

But I didnít give up and Iíve been chatting with this guy who lives about 30 min away in a row my ex and I moved to when we got married. His profile said he has been single a few years to concentrate on raising his daughters and now that they are teens he is looking for the missing piece to his puzzle. The fact alone that he took the time to raise his daughters instead of jumping into a new R. And he doesnít have a firm custody schedule as him and his ex are flexible and pretty much have their kids according to who can better accommodate the kids schedules. He said they are 14&16 and into their friends more than anything now. This is all a better ideal situation for me.

He was quick to make a date too. Next Friday. We will see if it actually goes through.

I have zero expectations. I just donít care.

And dejavu, I hope something as awesome as what has happened to you happens to me. I love whatís going on now for you.
Posted By: pinn

Re: The odd one out - 01/18/20 11:17 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Well, I guess I didnít give up. I havenít been having any luck at all and I swiped a whole ton. Canít get past the first message, everyone is in Manhattan, everyone still wants kids!

But I didnít give up and Iíve been chatting with this guy who lives about 30 min away in a row my ex and I moved to when we got married. His profile said he has been single a few years to concentrate on raising his daughters and now that they are teens he is looking for the missing piece to his puzzle. The fact alone that he took the time to raise his daughters instead of jumping into a new R. And he doesnít have a firm custody schedule as him and his ex are flexible and pretty much have their kids according to who can better accommodate the kids schedules. He said they are 14&16 and into their friends more than anything now. This is all a better ideal situation for me.

He was quick to make a date too. Next Friday. We will see if it actually goes through.

I have zero expectations. I just donít care.

And dejavu, I hope something as awesome as what has happened to you happens to me. I love whatís going on now for you.



Like the attitude!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/19/20 03:36 PM

I tried, I really did! But the conversation is so vanilla and has become like pulling teeth. I ainít feeling it.

Dear lord: please drop the perfect guy for me in my lap. I promise to listen to your sign and nurture it

Sincerely, the woman who has been through enough already.
Posted By: DejaVu6

Re: The odd one out - 01/19/20 03:48 PM

Does this mean you arenít going out with him on Friday?? Cause I think you should still go and just see what happens in person. And really...you deserve a night out. I will send out that prayer for you. I know it will be answered. Just donít give up. (((HUGS)))
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: The odd one out - 01/19/20 03:59 PM

Throw the clutch in, G! You JUST started talking to this guy yesterday, right? I mean how far out from vanilla do you want to be after exchanging texts for a day? Maybe heís trying to be a gentleman. Maybe he had something going on and couldnít be as fully engaged as you were. Maybe heís a bad texter/phone person.

I know that Iím by far the minority opinion on this board in saying this but this situation right here is why I DONíT see a problem texting back and forth for a few days, maybe even a week, before setting a date. I wouldnít go any longer than that, but it seems like you went from throwing in the towel on OLD completely to picking it back up when you matched with this guy and then threw it down again, despite saying you have no expectations, after texting back and forth a bit. I get your sense of urgency, but at this rate, youíll drive yourself nuts soon.

Like DejaVu, Iím praying for you!
Posted By: HaWho

Re: The odd one out - 01/19/20 04:03 PM

I agree you should still meet. Some people are not great phone conversationalists. One of my best girlfriends hates the phone but is great in person. Or, maybe he is a bit nervous and even rusty.
Posted By: pinn

Re: The odd one out - 01/19/20 05:48 PM

Ahhh G.... as a fellow guy who is bad on the phone... give the dude a chance! Ya never know!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/19/20 05:50 PM

Iím going to hold on to the date if we can drag it that far, lol. He will be away on business for a few days, so we donít have to do a whole bunch of chatting.

Iíve got nothing to do next Friday night anyways. Maybe he has more personality in person.

I like to joke, I have sarcasm, and he seems to not be flowing with that vibe.

Me and the last guy had such a good vibe. And we were attracted to each other. Itís a shame he isnít ready to find balance yet.

There are no guys in my past who havenít hurt me that are going to come out the woodwork, unfortunately.

Iím just sitting here at a trampoline park while my daughter and her friend jump, scoping out the dads. Who all seem to be married
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/19/20 06:04 PM

G,

Trust your gut and pull the plug if it doesnít feel right.

I was just talking to a fellow OLDing friend and we laughed about how there is no worse feeling then the drive home after a bad OLD first date.
Posted By: DejaVu6

Re: The odd one out - 01/19/20 06:27 PM

Ah yes... but didnít you just discover that the second date can be much better than the first LH??? laugh
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/19/20 06:48 PM

Touchť
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/20/20 02:09 AM

This dude has zero personality. I probably have too much.

Oh well.
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: The odd one out - 01/20/20 01:55 PM

No such thing as too much! You be you and he will be him. If you aren't feeling it, then don't go, but as I said before, it may be that he just isn't a text/phone guy. If I judged Sparky solely on his text/phone personality, it would've been a big fat no for me from the get, but he has a HUGE personality in person with all the jokes and sarcasm I could possibly want. It just doesn't translate well, particularly through text and it is even worse if he's distracted while he's texting.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/21/20 12:40 AM

Eh, that conversation has died. Havenít heard from him and I was tired of pulling teeth.

My day began so badly at work today. But Iím going to focus on the highlights of my day.

My coworker told me how great I am at my job, how Iím always positive ( yeah, me!) and Iím just a great person. She also doesnít understand why I am still single, lol.

Then my male coworker, who is my perfect guy, except he is married, was coming out of a room today as I was going towards it and said ďwoah, you are looking good! You are losing weight!Ē And gave me ďeyesĒ and that hand outline of the hour glass figure thing guys do. Now, he knew I was doing keto back when, because we exchanged recipes so he could comment on my weight. And we have that kind of relationship. It felt really good that a person actually noticed, and it is a guy . And one I happen to like. Donít worry folks, Iím not chasing after men. But he is an excellent example of what I should be looking for.

Ive been committed to the gym. And today was the hardest workout Iíve endured yet. Half of the class was a partner workout which I dreaded. But I got myself a partner and we actually came in second place after the guy team, now she is very tall, so Iíll give her about 60% of the credit. My weakness is the treadmill, but I kill it on the rower and strength exercises. I wanted to vomit, but I canít believe how good I did amongst these very fit people. I think Iím getting my mojo back in the gym. My feet arenít even killing me today which is great.

I also hit a new time low, however. I joined tinder. I swore I never would. Lots of guys admittedly looking for an affair partner on there! Some seem half decent. I got over 100 likes in less than 24 hours. Weird. I know what I want in life but right now, Iíd probably settle for an activity partner. There is just all this stuff I want to do, and itís no fun without someone else.

Iím alive. Some days I feel like my soul died. But I know itís not. It does need a little CPR though.

Iím reading the stories on here about everyone is finding what was meant to find them. These people who are coming into your lives and well, giving you this new part of your life again. Giving you hope for love. And I love reading other successes. Givens me an ounce of hope
Posted By: kml

Re: The odd one out - 01/21/20 12:51 AM

Tinder? Why not try OkCupid or POF instead?
I dunno - ask the younger guys here what ones they're on. Maybe all the young guys just go on tinder now, but when I think of tinder I think of hookups.
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/21/20 12:56 AM

I met the Dr. on Match., didn't like Tinder or POF, had some success on Bumble. I thought the quality of women was the best on Match and Bumble.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/21/20 01:07 AM

I donít know what has happened to POF but my inbox has been flooded with scammers and requests for sex. I signed on and signed off when that began to happen. Ok Cupid is just as bad. Bumble isnít being so good to me and I donít know if I ready to pay for match.

I actually saw a lot of guys on tinder who were also on bumble.

I thought only hookups too, but a are actually divorced parents looking for a LTR. Or at least they say.

Not putting too much stock in it. I am really just trying to say I tried, lol
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/21/20 01:15 AM

Personally I do the best on Bumble. Match seems to have the most real people. Zoosk I have read has the most fake people. I donít think it hurts to try Tinder.

I have a friend in Cincinnati who swears by Speed Dating. I donít know if they have that in your area?
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/21/20 01:20 AM

When I was on Match I always sorted by activity date so I knew who was active. I always looked in a 5 mi radius at first and then would expand as needed.

G....change it up!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/21/20 01:24 AM

Originally Posted by LH19
Personally I do the best on Bumble. Match seems to have the most real people. Zoosk I have read has the most fake people. I donít think it hurts to try Tinder.

I have a friend in Cincinnati who swears by Speed Dating. I donít know if they have that in your area?




I have done speed dating before! It actually did lead to an actual date. But it turned out he was pretty darned young. He was interested, but he was just too young.

Iím not going to lie. Iím tired of trying. Iíve done it all. On and off online dating for like 10 years. Speed dating. Getting set up. Joining activities. Iíve done it all. Lord knows anything I donít get is not for lack of effort. I put full effort into everything I do. Iím just not achieving the desired outcomes. Iíve also tried not trying. Not looking. Still..... nope.

I would describe myself as a great woman. An excellent partner. My friends describe me as the same. Even some of the guys I dated do. If my ex wasnít such a douche, he would probably admit it too.i keep trying to find something wrong with myself to explain it. But I canít.

Oh well. I want what I want, but I donít want to work for it anymore.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/21/20 01:57 AM

Tell me to shut up already
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/21/20 02:12 AM

Well G......have you thought about looking at the type of guys you normally date? Is their a particular pattern that you follow?????
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/21/20 12:26 PM

^^^^^ Iím going to get back to you on that one^^^^^

So I actually had a connection with a tinder guy. He lives 11 mi. Away. 44 years old Has one son 8 years old and has been single for 6 years. Heís a teacher. Our conversation flowed, we have the witty banter going. It was great talking to and It wasnít like talking to a rock. We actually chatted for quite a while. We have a tentative date set for this weekend.

Oh, and his tag line was ďcasually looking for something seriousĒ I really likes that.
Posted By: DejaVu6

Re: The odd one out - 01/21/20 01:38 PM

That sounds promising Ginger. I do think that there are some good people on Tinder amongst the ďethically non-monogamousĒ and one-night-standers. Hope our weekend dates go well for both of us!!! (((HUGS)))
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/21/20 02:07 PM

This all sounds very promising! Conversation flow is a must for me now.
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/22/20 02:06 PM

I agree G, it all sounds good. I got turned off by Tinder when I almost got cat fished by someone from what I thought was Africa by the way they wrote their sentences.
Posted By: Coconut

Re: The odd one out - 01/22/20 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I tried, I really did! But the conversation is so vanilla and has become like pulling teeth. I ainít feeling it.

Dear lord: please drop the perfect guy for me in my lap. I promise to listen to your sign and nurture it

Sincerely, the woman who has been through enough already.

G, you know, players are really good at making the conversation flow, being flirtatious and knowing the right things to say to make a girl swoon. Because they do it all the time and have learned what works through lots of practice.

But here you have a guy who has the ideal family situation for you (older kids with flexible schedule), lives reasonably close and took years and years from dating to focus on his family.

My thought, he is rusty, probably only been talking about kids sports events, grades, etc. for several years and is trying to find his footing. My opinion, if you don't feel like he is a weirdo, go on the date (don't make it dinner, ask to meet for coffee or drinks and apps), see if you two click in person.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/22/20 11:13 PM

C-nut: the conversation just died. I had to call the code. On paper sure it sounds good, but I couldnít even drag out the conversation for him to set anything up. Maybe he is just interested. And thatís fine.

I had a really bad day today. I had to withdraw my job offer for hospice. After they lost all my on boarding and made me do it again in my new system, this time around they wanted my W-2 from my current full time position. I have never had a job ask me for that. Itís a part of their background check? Sorry, but my warnings and deductions from my full time gig are none of your business. I said they could contact to verify employment, but they arenít getting my W-2 . They said ďwell, thatís what we need for the new system and I said no. So thatís that. I was counting on that money from my orientation first week in feb. but this was just a disaster. I now need to find another second job. My first one is slowly killing me, but I also need a second. So that hunt begins again.

What am I going to do? My mind is just shutting down. I need a plan B.

Iím other news, I have a date on Saturday night if he can secure a babysitter. I am impressed he would even get a babysitter. Good thing my expectations these days of anything going right are pretty much nil, so if it is a good first date, then bonus.
Posted By: DejaVu6

Re: The odd one out - 01/23/20 04:31 AM

Congratulations on the Saturday night date Ginger!! I hope you have a really good time and forget about your troubles for a bit. Sorry about the job. Hopefully there is a better one out there for you. (((HUGS)))
Posted By: Rick1963

Re: The odd one out - 01/23/20 12:57 PM

G i belive they just passed a law in NJ that says employers cannot ask for W2. Not sure if it went into effect yet.
Posted By: JujuB

Re: The odd one out - 01/23/20 01:05 PM

I love that your calling the code on these guys Ginger. No explanations owed to them, no 2nd chances, go with your gut. Cause there are plenty of other opportunities. They should have to work. And if he didnít work hard enough to get past basic texting - that means he doesnít want it bad enough. And the guys have to want it bad enough or it wonít work. Save your attention for someone thatís enthusiastic about meeting and getting to know you.

I think that people sense that attitude and are attracted to it. Iím thinking of moving and just gave up on the other moms in my sons school district cause I have been super distracted and suddenly they are all friendly with me. I always felt excluded by them. So this seems to be the Psychology with a lot of people. When your not trying they want to try.

Good luck on Saturday
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/23/20 02:15 PM

OK, sorry......what does "calling the code" mean? Is that like pulling the plug? Like your dead, time of death is?????

Hopefully he can find a sitter, that's a good sign!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 12:52 AM

Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
OK, sorry......what does "calling the code" mean? Is that like pulling the plug? Like your dead, time of death is?????

Hopefully he can find a sitter, that's a good sign!


You are dating a doctor and you donít know?!?

You are close. It means to stop CPR and call time of death. And it sure died.

Juju, I am so done trying to keep everything alive. Being the only one with effort. And if he really just didnít know how to communicate, there isnít much I can do about that. I like that this other guy is willing to get a sitter. It shows interest. I need someone to be interested in me too.

We havenít communicated much in the past 2 days, but I think he has his son. And maybe head saving it for the date. Which will be an afternoon date, probably because thatís when he can get a sitter.

Tinder isnít as awful as I thought it was. There is a percentage of guys looking to have an affair. Or just a no strings attached one nighter. Some actually are just looking for a date to take to an event! Most say they arenít just looking for a hook up. Time will tell. I still donít feel like I am going to be successful. But nothing is going to happen if I donít try I guess

Hoping I do get to that date this weekend. So it isnít another weekend alone since D12 will be at her dads
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 03:23 PM

So. This guy I called the code on car out of the woodwork saying itís been a crazy week and heís been away for work. He still wants to have a drink tonight.

And I am pathetic and exhausted and tired and I was looking forward to my jammies.

I should still go, right? Ugh. I honestly donít want to because Iím so tired. But then I need to quit my complaining, right ?
Posted By: doodler

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 03:29 PM


Go out tomorrow night.
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 03:29 PM

Donít jump on tonight. Make him earn it.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by LH19
Donít jump on tonight. Make him earn it.



Ohhhhh, I didnít even think of it that way. I like it! I get my rest and I see how interested he is!!

I felt like I would an idiot if I threw away an opportunity after all my b1tching
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by doodler

Go out tomorrow night.



Iím supposed to seeing another guy tomorrow afternoon. Iím not sure what time yet though.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 03:38 PM

...... and Iíve been talking to this HOT firefighter who lives very close to me. My age, single dad......
Posted By: AndrewP

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 03:47 PM

Darned shame that there's no available men in the entire state of NJ ... laugh
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 03:54 PM

Tell him to come over because you have a fire that needs putting out lol.
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 04:07 PM

I agree, even if you sit home in your jam jams with a pint of Ice Cream do not go out tonight or tomorrow. You already have plans and are booked.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 04:09 PM

Well now I got myself in a pickle. This guy wants to see me tomorrow afternoon and the other guys hasnít confirmed tomorrow afternoon
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 04:20 PM

He shouldnít expect you to jump through hoops within 24 hours.

He definitely is not a coach protťgť making the first date a day date.
Posted By: DonH

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 04:23 PM

Different day same MO. Itís M all over again - but you canít see it. The body should be in the morgue by now but there is Ginger trying the defibrillator on asystole (That does not work and is contraindicated) to raise what was termed dead - by her!!!

Do you see the similarity? Your words say one thing - guys have to earn it, Iím not putting in more work, blah blah blah, but your actions say, show me just a little bit of interest and Iíll run to you.

Donít go and instead spend the night re-reading why men love bitches because you keep breaking these rules and doing the same things and expecting different results. As if he was soooooooooooo busy he could not have asked you out days ago? No, he waits either to find something better or because heís not sure. WMLB talks exactly about this and says never to accept last minute dates from guys that could have asked earlier.

Although... didnít you already have a date planned with him a week ago????????? That part, if true, is confounding and conflicting.
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 04:34 PM

Ut oh DH is back in the house looking to kick a$$ and take names lol.
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 04:34 PM

G...you have to act as if. The Dr. was not dating anyone else at the time we met however she made it seem like she had plans, was busy and had options.

The only date you should potentially have this weekend is with the first guy, I think it's the teacher.

The dude that you didn't hear from for a week can take a number...ÖÖÖÖÖ..
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 05:33 PM

Yeah, G...I'm gonna have to go with the guys on this one. I know that is contrary to my original stance which was to give him a chance despite the crappy texting because maybe he just wasn't a phone person. But, you actually changed my mind on that with your stance that you just didn't want to put forth effort for someone who didn't seem to be matching that effort. That made sense to me and I thought you made a good point and that seemed like a great positive attitude to move forward. Then you started talking to the 2nd guy who quickly said he'd find a sitter so y'all could make plans, though I don't know that you have anything set in stone yet, per se.

If you already said the first guy was a no go, why even entertain the thought of going now? You were pretty clear about not feeling his interest and his being vanilla (that part stuck out to me in particular because I commented on it), so why revisit now just because he popped up again? The only "pickle" I see you are in is if he was still under the impression that y'all were going out tonight because you never told him differently after y'all initially talked about it then he disappeared. If that is the case, I would still go with the guys here and just tell him you already have other plans since you haven't heard from him and then make him wait. I'm not into games, but it seems this guy is playing some...or at least that is the impression I would get in a similar situation. You made plans with him then he disappeared, so you moved on. No harm, no foul. If I were in your place, I also would not make plans with him for tomorrow afternoon, since you tentatively have plans with the other guy already. If he's interested, he can wait, since he had no problem making you wait and not even contacting you.

I get it, people are busy. But, you can find a few minutes to shoot a couple of texts in a week's time. It is just not that hard. Does he never go to the bathroom or eat a meal? Surely he could send a quick text at one of those points.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 06:12 PM

We had a tentative date planned for Friday, no place, no time, still had t exchanged actual phone numbers and I hadnít heard from him in 3 days. Now on the day of he asks me if we are still on. I have a few weekend, so I feel stupid passing up an opportunity, but I am usually so readily available. I need to stop that. Heís definitely out of practice on the dating front. And I am such an ahole because I donít feel like babying anyone back into the scene if you know what I mean. I do think I did that for M. But do I really know this guy and if thatís his case? No.

I am wondering if the teacher is flaking our on me for tomorrow. Havenít heard from him today or tomorrow. Just a town to meet in and the afternoon, but no place or time yet.

The firefighter is working tomorrow. He would probably just be fun to come put out m y fire.....but I havenít gotten a feel yet for him.

Watch . In the end, no dates at all.
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 06:22 PM

Tell him you have a burning bush at your house and he needs to bring his hose right away.
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 06:39 PM

LOL...Ö.I think he will feel it in his plums, his big juicy plums!
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 06:55 PM

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Now on the day of he asks me if we are still on. I have a few weekend, so I feel stupid passing up an opportunity, but I am usually so readily available. I need to stop that. He’s definitely out of practice on the dating front. And I am such an ahole because I don’t feel like babying anyone back into the scene if you know what I mean. I do think I did that for M. But do I really know this guy and if that’s his case? No.

G, what would you say to someone in your shoes? I would advise them NOT to go at the last minute like that. Especially if you didn't have specific plans already in place. Now, you should probably take into account that I'm a planner and I just don't "do" spontaneous, so I wouldn't be a fan of that whole last minute thing anyway, but I don't really see how this is you passing up an opportunity. You do need to stop being so readily available and you are NOT an ahole. Why should you have to do all the work to get some guy you barely know back on the dating horse? How is that possibly YOUR responsibility?

Girl, you need to stop all that negativity right now and go back to that positive, I'm worth it, kick a$$ woman you really are. You talked with this guy, didn't feel it but tentatively agreed to a date anyway only to have him vanish for a few days then pop back up on the day of and ask if you're still on. Seriously, read that part out loud to yourself and OBJECTIVELY think about the advice you would give to one of your closest girlfriends if they were in the same situation with a guy. If I were a betting woman, I would bet good money that you would tell your friend to lose his number and never look back because she is worth more than that.

Originally Posted by Ginger1

I am wondering if the teacher is flaking our on me for tomorrow. Haven’t heard from him today or tomorrow. Just a town to meet in and the afternoon, but no place or time yet.

G...ÖÖ.oh G...ÖÖ.how I desperately wish we could get you to see yourself through the lenses that we do. The first dude flaked and then came back and basically said "my bad, busy week, still up for tonight?" And you still are considering going. Dude 2, who you seem to have more of a fondness for and haven't "called the code on" yet (to use words from a previous post) hasn't texted in a couple of days and you assume it is because he is flaking. So here is my dilemma: dude 1 you had already pretty much written off as vanilla and a cold fish and basically decided not to go on the date with because you felt like you were putting in more effort. Dude 2 seems more exciting because he seemed to be actively participating in this whole "let's make a date" deal by offering to get a sitter. Now, you haven't talked to him and you have no idea whether he was able to get a sitter or not or what is going on. I may getting my stories totally all out of whack here, but isn't this the guy who also told you he was going to be out of town for work in the days leading up to the prospective date or was dude 1? In short (now that I have been so long-winded), I'm confused. I need some kind of diagram or flow chart to keep up with you, girl!

Originally Posted by Ginger1

The firefighter is working tomorrow. He would probably just be fun to come put out m y fire.....but I haven’t gotten a feel yet for him.

I'm probably going to be in the minority here when I say this, but be careful with this one. I think you are joking and I think LH is to an extent as well, but I'm not sure jumping in and sleeping with someone right quick is the way to go about it, particularly with a ff because that might bring up too many painful memories of another ff. It is fine to be friendly, flirty, have witty banter, but just be careful.

Originally Posted by Ginger1

Watch . In the end, no dates at all.

This is more a rhetorical statement than anything but I don't necessarily see this as a bad thing. G, you said yourself you need to stoop being so available. Do not feel obligated to go out with dude 1 when you already wrote him off. He may well be a nice guy, but if you feel like he's too plain for you or that you are having to hold his hand while he gets his feet under him, that may not be the best situation for you. If teacher guy flakes and doesn't show up tomorrow, then it will hurt, but do you really need that? MAKE THEM EARN IT! I get that you are lonely and want to connect with someone and you don't have a lot of time because you have your daughter, but YOU are valuable. You are far too valuable to accept dates at the last minute as though you are just waiting for them.
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 07:01 PM

Just for the record, Iím not joking lol.
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 07:04 PM

Just for the record, I said you were "to an extent". I figured there was actually some level of seriousness to your urging and J9's. But it is what it is. We all come from different experiences and give different advice, which is what makes this whole thing great. And, my advice might be sh!t, so if it doesn't work for people, they certainly shouldn't take it. LOL

I think the one thing we likely all agree on is that G is amazing and deserves someone amazing. Whether any of these guys who have been mentioned fall into that category remains to be seen.
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 07:22 PM

D,

Actually Iím just trying to have fun on a Friday afternoon waiting for DH to come back and blast us all lol.
Posted By: kas99

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 08:57 PM

Ginger I'm just a lurker into your recent threads so my advice probably isn't worth a lot. You're in pain. It appears like it was triggered by the loss of M. Now I'm all about getting back on the horse but your body seems to be screaming at you to stop. If you want to date, date for fun. If you're dating for fun then fine go out with the guy who calls you at the last minute because who cares.....however the second you start having future thoughts RUN. If he chases (A LOT) then maybe consider giving him another chance otherwise kick him to the curb. Oh and I do not feel sorry for such a flaky man because he got exactly what he deserved.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 10:27 PM

These are very interesting perspectives . I am trying to find the balance between being a biotch and wanting someone to work and respect and value my time. He did send me another text saying he apologized for going silent this week and that he went to text me a half a dozen times but every time he did the other phone rang. If you have excuses that fast, I couldnít imagine what it would be Ike down the road. I like to give people chances. But we also know I give too many chances. Itís a really tough balance.

The guy Iím supposed to see tomorrow has also seemingly ghosted me. Whatever. I better not get a last minute text tomorrow. And if I do, Iím turning him down too.

Itís exhausting really. See, no dates this weekend!

Iím just abut died laughing reading your comment LH! Part of me wishes I could just get ďhosed offĒ

Which brings me to your input kass. Thanks for stopping by. I took the time to deal with The loss of M. Itís his family and son I realized I miss awfully. I held anger for the lies he gave me. Pretending or he was committed. But he is t the man I want to be with. He was too selfish and didnít deal with the stuff he needed to deal with. I do want a partner. Which is why it wasnít going to work with him. His idea of partnership was everyone confirming to his life and schedule . I wish I just wanted a no strings attached. There was a period that was what I wanted. But not anymore

I appreciate the feedback here because I donít realize what Iím doing sometimes and itís hard to see from the inside. I really donít let guys earn it. I make it work for them. I accept excuses. I know these guys havenít even met me, and owe me nothing, but I think this does say apt abut their personalities. And how can I end up on an R where I donít accept this stuff if I accept it from the get go.

So here I am, at home, bra off, PJís on with my sushi and wine. Right where I want to be right now
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 11:00 PM

It says EVERYTHING you need to know about them. Youíre right, they donít know you and you donít know them but excuses this early in the game are just that, excuses. Whether it is deliberate or not is beside the point. People should follow through and do what they say theyíll do and if they canít even send a text to confirm a date, well, that says a lot about how they choose to spend their time and energy.

Besides, being home with no bra and a bottle of wine sounds like a little slice of heaven to me.
Posted By: JujuB

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 11:31 PM

I agree - do not go out with them. They should be interested enough to make it happen. My bf texted me everyday more then once before we even met. So far- this is a predictor of what has been incredible. He makes tons of effort and everyday so far I feel worship, cherished and adored.

Hereís the thing, men do not get as many responses back as we get requests. They also do not get as many agreements to meet up. (Unless your on bumble) If a girl responds back, they need to jump on that opportunity. If not, it means they donít want it bad enough.

My first time on OLD, I had responded back to a guy and we set up a date and he told me he was going away for some sort of vacation. He didnít text back and forth and by the time he came back I was already dating someone else and I ended up ghosting cause I didnít hear from him during that time.

Guys have to know better because quality women wonít put up with that because the market is in their favor. OLD is all about Market value and whatís in demand. Know your worth and donít settle for less.
Posted By: DejaVu6

Re: The odd one out - 01/24/20 11:42 PM

I'm kinda on the fence... only because my first date with Jack was a spur of the moment idea that occurred when we were texting each other so it was last minute for both of us. And the second date was actually be inviting at the last minute and him accepting. Both worked out well. Neither of those situations were about me or him not valuing the other person. Honestly... I am such a planner, it felt really cool to be doing something on the spur of the moment. Now if that is how every meet up happened, that's a different story.

I am with Juju about the making a date and then disappearing for a few days though. I really don't know what that is about. I hate the mind games. It may be them not wanting to further the "relationship" until the first face-to-face meeting. If you text too much, expectations can get to a ridiculous level and it may be they are trying to stop that from happening. I can see that happening if you've had a few letdowns already. It's certainly something I have thought about. My texting with Jack before we met was about 30 minutes every three days. Brook is another story but we knew each other as teens so it feels a bit different...and we've seen each other once.

Anyway...do what you want Ginger. And if you do end up going out, I hope you have a fantastic time!!! (((HUGS)))
Posted By: uRworthy

Re: The odd one out - 01/25/20 01:49 AM

Oh my....my head hurts...lol...My friend...your actions aren't matching your words.. That occurs when realizations happen. You feel it in your head but not in your heart yet.

The way to feel it that way is to fake it til you make it. Force yourself to make decisions based on what you are working on believing.

I am sorry, but, no to these guys...if they are interested they have to act like they are or...you move along because you
are worthy and attractive and a lot of other things. so....NEXT!!!

Even if you are bored or anything else. Actions need to match words.

I know this is all tied up in your past. I know that overcoming all that gunk is hard. But you are worth it.

I can also feel your frustration and almost desperation. That isn't the mindset you want going forward.

I know you are lonely and want a meaningful relationship.

You have to do something different to get different results.

So, come on now...regroup. Get your head and heart to match.

I am not saying to get off of OLD. I am saying go on there with the attitude that you are great...cuz you are. And if someone doesnt see that...ba bye.

Now get to gettin... <3
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/25/20 01:19 PM

Good for you G.....to the guy that didn't text all week I would just let him know that you are busy this weekend however that you might have free time next weekend so he can reach out if he wants to make a date. Then leave it alone and let him do all the work.

As far as the other dude goes, I made a date with the Dr. 2 days ahead of time with a specific time and place then didn't call her for 2 days. She reached out 1 more before the date to confirm if we were still on.

If this dude has not made specific plans with you then when he reaches out I would just let him know that something came up and since you had no specific plans made you assumed the date was off. However he can try again maybe next weekend and put the ball right back in his court.

I guess what I am saying is don't be easy and make the dates for them. Make them do the work to court you and ask you out. But your not just sitting around waiting......F that.

This is if you even want to still go out. If it was me and a girl did that to me and I was interested in her I would still ask her out if she went dark on me for several days.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/26/20 04:36 PM

Iíve been doing a lot of processing of emotions over here. My head hurts too, UR!

I am in such a weird place and I hate where I am. My actions have to catch up with my heart.

I know exactly what I want.

I sort of know how to get it.

I have a hard time putting it into action or even realizing Iím reverting to old ways.

I have seen dating be so hard and technical for anyone else. But I guess I am trying to achieve a pretty high level deal here, so it has to be this way.

Sometimes I do miss M. I miss the comfort we had together. I miss the family sort of stuff. Going through the dating process is actually getting much harder and not much easier. You would think I was a pro by now.

I donít want to come off as desperate, but I desperately want to settle down. I am no longer in my 20ís. This lifestyle stinks. I look at all these stupid profiles online

ď Iíve been to 72 counties and I love to travel!Ē

Well, I am a single mom with a career and responsibilities and Iíve been to like 3 countries and rarely ever travel. I like family days and activities, I like to sit down to a home cooked meal with the ones I love. Sometimes I actually enjoy grocery shopping and losing my lawn.

I donít want excitement. I want boring. Because boring and stable is so beautiful and thrilling for me.

I did not accept the offer from that guy for Sunday. The other guy I was supposed to meet yesterday just ghosted me.

No one has deserved my time of day yet. I know I need to carry myself in such a way. I do at that I need to stop being readily available, forgiving and accommodating, especially to people I donít even know.

Really, I donít know if I even want to be dating. I kind of like my boring life. Itís lonely, but I like the security I give myself. Not hoping or expecting someone cares or someone will call or someone wants to be with me. Unless someone. Ones along as equally as boring as me and likes the boring stuff and treats me as I deserve to be treated, well, then Iíve got my doggy who loves me more than anyone and is cuddling with me right now.

My daughter on the other hand just hung up on me because I said she could not have acrylic nails, lol. Lord save me!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/26/20 04:40 PM

Oh, and I was having a conversation with a coworker who has been dating her boyfriend for a year ( itís the guy I know). She said heís great, very thoughtful and she 100% trusts him. She does say there are things missing, but she figures itís worth working through because they do have something good. The good outweighs whatís missing and she knows it wonít be perfect.

Made me think of M telling me something was missing. I knew there were things missing too. But do you give up for that? I donít know. Perfection isnít out there and you always have to weigh the good with the bad .
Posted By: uRworthy

Re: The odd one out - 01/26/20 08:26 PM

Yea...I so want to travel..but my financial sitch is what it is and I dont think that is going to happen for me, but, who knows.

I dont think what you want is boring at all. Someone to share a life with...all the little things that happen. I get it.

I also dont think it is too much to ask that you find someone who loves and accepts you as you are and wants to spend time with you. Those are basics things you should have in a relationship.

Are any relationships perfect? Umm...nooooo. And truth be told, there are things missing from mine. Do you give up if things are missing...depends on what it is. I agree..you have to look at whether the good outweighs the bad and take it from there.

I think M had things missing in his own head and heart and all that were separate from you. He just didnt know it.

And if he felt that way...there isnt anything you can do about it.

I think dating is harder as you get older but not impossible.

But you dont have the right mindset right now so it is seeming even harder. You are putting pressure on yourself. When that happens, we react differently without even realizing it.

The very best thing you can do is to truly believe you deserve someone who wants to be with you, who respects you and wants to show that. That is key.

Keep living your life as best you can. Do what you can on OLD and then step away when you need to.

There is someone out there for you. I know it.
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: The odd one out - 01/26/20 10:27 PM

You know, G, not everyone loves to travel and I saw some profiles when I was OLD who seemed kind of braggy about their traveling. Like look what I can afford to do. Iíve never really had the travel bug and being single most of my adult life, I had plenty of time and could afford to but it just isnít my thing. I say all that to say that just because you donít or canít or whatever doesnít make you less interesting than those who do. You just have different hobbies and interests to fill your time with.

Iím so sorry you are having a rough time. I really hate it for you. Like ur, Iím convinced there is someone out there for you. You mentioned missing M, but do you really miss M or is it more the idea of who you thought he actually was in the beginning? For whatever his issues were, his breaking up and telling you ďsomething was missingĒ was NOT about you but about him and his own warped sense of self. I dare say that the fact that he knew you had heard that before and been crushed by it makes me wonder if he used it because he knew it would likely keep you from coming back around so that he had to face you again and honestly deal with all his crap.

Iím just going to put this out there for whatever it is worth. You are a grown woman so Iím not telling you what to do and you will make the decision that you think is best for you. Having said all that, I donít know if you are ready to date yet. As Don pointed out, you were already starting to fall back into your old pattern where you were just totally done with vanilla dude but then we he popped back up and asked if yíall were still on go for a date Friday, you made excuses about why it would be ok to go. YOU ARE WORRH MORE THAN THAT!!!!!!!!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/26/20 10:39 PM

You are right. I am putting a lot of pressure on myself. I need to stop that ASAP. It is feeling a little desperate and I donít like that. I need to take a deep breath and just go about my business. I feel like I am looking for a job and. It shouldnít be that way.

I actually do have a date Tuesday night. He even called me on the phone! And we clicked really well. The on paper stuff that are the details are almost like god finally dropped a guy on my lap. Heís 51, divorced, in the town over where all my exís live, lol ( itís a large town) he is a teacher. He is divorced. 2 sons, 17 and 19 ( perfect ages) and he married a Filipino, so his kids are half Filipino and Iíve always wanted to date one because I love the culture. But even better, he himself , is a Jew! ( makes my mom in heaven happy) heís a foodie as I am. Our senses of humor match perfectly. Heís super cute. And he was worried because he is 5í8Ē and thatís a dealbreaker for some women on online dating, but it is actually the perfect height for me. Heís flirty, but Im a cute way, not in a rude turn off way.

Iím looking forward to this date. He picked a great place i know For a drink. Iím really looking forward to it. Not getting my hopes up, but I havenít been excited for a date in a while. I was scared I was just kind of dead inside there for a while. It may be a total flop the date. But I donít think so because the phone convo was great. Something to look forward to anyways.

Wish me luck
Posted By: pinn

Re: The odd one out - 01/26/20 11:22 PM

Good luck!!

Ugh the height thing for us shorter guys in OLD is killer. Discrimination!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/27/20 12:41 AM

Dawn, I think we cross posted!

Dawn, I donít think I miss M himself. I miss the familiarity. I miss everything around him I think not him him so to say. And I do agree, what was missing was in him and less to do with me and more to do with him. I still find it sad it didnít work out but I know itís for the best.

Maybe Iím not ready to date. I donít know. I do need to un learn some old habits. I donít even realize Iím doing it . Itís in my nature to give people the benefit of the doubt and I need to stop. I need to see things for face value, thatís for sure.

I already found some negative on this guy Iím having a date with. He got divorced in the beginning of 2019. My friend is doing some sleuthing for me. So itís kind of new for him. I guess Iíll see more abut that story. I think itís a good divorce though, which is good.

This is hard.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/27/20 12:44 AM

And pinn: there are women like me out there where height does not matter . I like when I can hug a hug and have my head on his shoulder
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/27/20 12:59 PM

Good for you G.....its just date, no more or less. Enjoy the conversation, adult time, and see what happens. Try to be positive!!
Posted By: DejaVu6

Re: The odd one out - 01/27/20 03:23 PM

Ginger... I am super happy to hear about your date. I wouldnít worry too much about the divorce date if I were you. Some people are five years post divorce and not over it. Some people are over it before it even happens. Itís a process and the time it takes is different for everyone. In my sitch, I struggled in the beginning but once I accepted it was over and got to a place in my mind that I was okay with it, I moved on pretty quickly. I think you will be able to tell where he is at once the topic of past relationships comes up as it always does eventually. If he speaks about it in neutral tones and doesnít seem to harbour any intense feelings around it, thatís a pretty good sign. If he sounds resentful or has any intense feelings (good or bad), that indicates he may still have some work to do. Iíve noticed that about myself. When people ask me about my divorce, I donít say too much about it and I tell people that we are great co-parents. That wasnít always the case so I know I am pretty much over it. The good news is your friend found out he was actually divorced and not married and looking for a girlfriend...lol. Thatís a plus.

Re: the height thing. Iím a tall girl and sadly, it does matter to me. I find that Iím just not attracted to guys who are more than an inch shorter than me. We have to be pretty close in height cause otherwise I just feel too big around him and that decreases the attraction level. I have friends who are 5í4Ē and under (one under 5í) who refuse to date anyone under 6í. I think they are nuts. If I was that height, I would love it cause I could date almost anyone and they would be taller than me. Super lame of me to limit myself that way but it has nothing to do with the guys and everything to do with how I feel when I am with them. When I was in junior high (after Brook and I broke up), I tried ďdatingĒ a boy who was about six inches shorter than me. It lasted a day. I just couldnít do it....lol. My apologies to the great guys out there who are on the shorter side. smile
Posted By: Dawn70

Re: The odd one out - 01/27/20 08:59 PM

I'm happy for you that you have a date. Just go in with low expectations and make him work for it. Don't build him up too much just yet, but I think it is great that you are excited and looking forward to it.

To Deja's point about height. I get what she's saying, since I'm 5'11", but it has always been my experience that if I click with someone, I don't seem to notice height as much. My XH was shorter than me by a couple of inches and Sparky is actually about 4 inches taller than me. I prefer taller, but shorter wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, if everything else was clicking.
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/28/20 12:53 PM

Well, tonight is the night. Heís been smart and we kept the texting very light which is how it should be before the first date. One text exchange yesterday morning and then last night when I was sleeping he sent me a simple, ďjust got home from playing tennis, gonna jump in the shower and Iím really looking forward to tomorrow nightĒ

No expectations, no build up in my head and I decided to not go crazy over the freshly divorced thing. My daughter did inform me she is coming home tonight after her uncles birthday dinner. She said she told me this but I must have misunderstood. So I have to cut the date off at a certain time which might be for the better.

Fingers crossed
Posted By: pinn

Re: The odd one out - 01/28/20 01:06 PM

Go get em!
Posted By: job

Re: The odd one out - 01/28/20 03:37 PM

Enjoy the date!
Posted By: LH19

Re: The odd one out - 01/28/20 03:39 PM

I have a good feeling about this one.
Posted By: TBSakaJ9

Re: The odd one out - 01/28/20 04:00 PM

Good luck G.....no boom boom!
Posted By: Ginger1

Re: The odd one out - 01/28/20 05:10 PM

Thanks guys! I actually do have a good gut feeling about this one too, I have to admit.

Our senses of humor match, which makes the communication comfortable.

Itís good my daughter is coming home tonight so I have to go home by a certain time, lol.

Hopefully o have a good update
Posted By: job

Re: The odd one out - 01/28/20 05:16 PM

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Trials and tribulations of dating
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