How to create an LBS
Makes 1 taco.
- Sear with bomb flash to seal in the juices.
- Adjust the heat at random, occasionally putting the LBS in the freezer for safe keeping while preparing other dishes out of camera shot.
- Occasionally flip so that the LBS has no clue any more which way is up
- Adjust the gas lighting so that it is unclear what other preparations are being made
- Wave spices at the LBS but never actually apply any
- Fog the pan with hope and misinformation to season
- Garnish with STD tests, lawyer bills and serve with a side of poutine
- Have the take-out fast food you were going to have anyway and dump the LBS in the trash
Prior Thread - I have room for your stuff
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2876536&page=1I worry about you Andrew.
Thanks Dream. I'll be fine. No need to worry. I hope you and the boys have a great Christmas.
PS - you win doodler!
Well, it didn't take long for your last thread to fill up!
We all worry about you and you've been doing quite a bit of work, be it shake rattle and roll the shaky bed at S's home or the heavy lifting...whatever created the latest warning to slow down...you need to heed it. You may not even realize that you've got some stress going on and it could be that you are thinking about all that you have to do at your home and yet, S has a list of things that she needs done. Whatever is going on, please heed your body's warnings.
whoa. dude. slow the heck down!
may I add a recipe?
Balls of Confusion
melt some chocolate until it forms a ball (why? because a LBS needs something sweet after all the BS we've been put through)
add, in this order:
- a hug
- comments on your looks or weight (or both for extra strength)
- a kiss
- the avowal that it's "time to try something new"
- a longing look
roll all together .
sprinkle with an "I love you"
throw out into the snow to give them the Deepest Freeze
Use for batting practice.
{{{bttrfly}}}
Just had a nice Christmas lunch for the corporate office. I had the bread pudding for dessert. I need to decide what to make for Sunday Supper this week. As the protein I have chicken, ground beef, garlic sausages, and steaks. I also have the address of my butcher. I'm uncertain as to how many people I'll be feeding or where which is part of the challenge.
GRRRR
Yet again there is a Christmas card from a former bestie of my ex addressed to Mr & Mrs P
Each prior year, because I am a decent guy, I've arranged for the card to get forwarded to my ex and never opened it. The assumption being that a correct address would be sent over. I also figured that she was in many ways entitled to her own narrative with this friend.
I had noticed that the last couple of times that I "happened past" my ex's apartment that her car wasn't there at a time when it could e expected to be. So perhaps she's moved. No clue. So forwarding the card isn't feasible. S25 saw the envelope and the card is out. If he wants to pass it along he can. None of my business. And not my job to be her public relations.
Opened the card this year. A nice and thoughtful note is inside. The plan is to send a card back with a nice note letting friend know that her friend hasn't lived here for a while, that I have no forwarding address and wishing her ever Merry Christmas and thanking her for the card.
This is the final person who needs to be told. I'll be glad to have this behind me. Annoying how she just shed so much of her past life like a snake shedding it's skin leaving me to deal with the mess.
nuts are optional
story to tell you - it's a true tale as well ... way back when exh and I bought our house, the couple who sold it were older, coming up on their 50th anniversary. selling said house because husband had macular degeneration and it was getting to be too much for them.
2 or 3 weeks after they sold us the house, on the very morning of their 50th wedding anniversary he told her he was filing for divorce.
every year for the ten years we lived in that house they got a Christmas card from the same couple in Hawaii. I have no idea why she never told them about the divorce, but there you have it, and it's baffling to me as well.
every year for the ten years we lived in that house they got a Christmas card from the same couple in Hawaii. I have no idea why she never told them about the divorce, but there you have it, and it's baffling to me as well.
Divorce after 50 years of marriage? Maybe the macular degeneration was causing cognitive issues.
Regarding Christmas cards, a couple of days ago I received a Christmas card from my ex-wife's OM's adult son. It came to my address and it was addressed to Mrs. doodler + family (he used my last name not her maiden name). This will be the third Christmas since our divorce and I didn't receive a card from him for the previous two Christmases. Weird. I haven't opened it; I'm considering returning it to sender.
every year for the ten years we lived in that house they got a Christmas card from the same couple in Hawaii. I have no idea why she never told them about the divorce, but there you have it, and it's baffling to me as well.
Divorce after 50 years of marriage? Maybe the macular degeneration was causing cognitive issues.
Nope. He was having an affair. With someone he met at the Senior Center. Playing Cards. I can't make this $h!t up.
I'll be glad to have this behind me. Annoying how she just shed so much of her past life like a snake shedding it's skin leaving me to deal with the mess.
Amen..
AMEN.
Amen, Amen AMEN!!!!
GRRRR
Yet again there is a Christmas card from a former bestie of my ex addressed to Mr & Mrs P
Each prior year, because I am a decent guy, I've arranged for the card to get forwarded to my ex and never opened it. The assumption being that a correct address would be sent over. I also figured that she was in many ways entitled to her own narrative with this friend.
I had noticed that the last couple of times that I "happened past" my ex's apartment that her car wasn't there at a time when it could e expected to be. So perhaps she's moved. No clue. So forwarding the card isn't feasible. S25 saw the envelope and the card is out. If he wants to pass it along he can. None of my business. And not my job to be her public relations.
Opened the card this year. A nice and thoughtful note is inside. The plan is to send a card back with a nice note letting friend know that her friend hasn't lived here for a while, that I have no forwarding address and wishing her ever Merry Christmas and thanking her for the card.
This is the final person who needs to be told. I'll be glad to have this behind me. Annoying how she just shed so much of her past life like a snake shedding it's skin leaving me to deal with the mess.
Odds are pretty good she’s one of those card senders who prints up a list, sends one to everyone on that address list and it’s no mind to who she is sending it to. Most don’t pay attention to others divorces and just ship out a card. They don’t go in and modify their list for that.
You see it, toss it, done. Don’t give it too much mental energy. The to forward the card to your ex is too much. The effort to inform of divorce, too much. Just toss the card.
I wouldn’t give the card a second thought and chuck it in the bin.
I think one of the greatest gifts I have and also something I’ve worked towards is not giving things the energy they don’t deserve anymore. I am just so mindful of the fact I don’t have much energy left to give and I deserve it more than anything.
The stuff I used to look at as such an annoyance has become so petty to me.
I used to be so laid back. Years in with me ex and that went away. Right after the divorce it really went away and I was crazed ( having your husband leave you and a new baby will do that to you)
Now one of the greatest compliments I get is how I don’t get frazzled anymore and I let pretty much everything roll of my back. I’ve come full circle.
Take the little things and the things that no longer matter and let them rollllllllll
I came across this fantastic recipe that’s perfect for the holidays. It’s not an LBS recipe, but it is super nutritious and heart healthy. And, it includes all three Canadian macronutrient groups, carbohydrate, fat, and poutine. It's the superfood of 2019.
DESSERT POUTINE
Ingredients:
Caramel sauce (gravy)
• 1/4 cup (60 ml) water
• 1 1/2 cups (375 ml) sugar
• 3 tablespoons (45 ml) corn syrup
• 1 cup (250 ml) 35% cream
• 3/4 cup (180 ml) semi-salted butter, cut into cubes
Churros (fries)
• 1 3/4 cups (430 ml) milk
• 1 cup (250 ml) unsalted butter, cut into pieces
• 1/2 teaspoon (2.5 ml) salt
• 1 1/4 cups (310 ml) unbleached all-purpose flour
• 5 eggs
• Vegetable oil for deep-frying
• 1/2 cup (125 ml) sugar
• 2 tablespoons (30 ml) ground cinnamon
Mock cheese curds
• Large marshmallows, torn into pieces
Preparation:
Caramel sauce (gravy)
1. In a saucepan over medium heat, bring the water, sugar and corn syrup to a boil. Using a wet pastry brush, wash down any sugar crystals from the sides of the pan. Cook without stirring until the mixture turns golden.
2. Remove from the heat and add the cream gradually while stirring. Continue cooking over low heat, stirring constantly, until the mixture is smooth.
3. Whisk in the butter until the sauce is smooth. Let cool.
Churros (fries)
1. Preheat the oil in the deep fryer to 190°C (375°F). Line a baking sheet with paper towels or set a cooling rack on it.
2. In a large saucepan over medium-high heat, bring the milk to a boil with the butter and salt. Remove from the heat. Add the flour all at once and stir vigorously with a wooden spoon until the dough forms a smooth ball.
3. Return the saucepan to the burner over low heat and stir until the dough pulls away from the sides of the saucepan, about 2 minutes.
4. Remove from the heat and let cool for a few minutes. Add the eggs 1 at a time. After each addition, beat vigorously with a wooden spoon or electric mixer until the dough is smooth.
5. Using a pastry bag fitted with a 1/2-cm (1/4-inch) star tip, pipe 15-cm (6-inch) ribbons one at a time into the deep fryer. Fry about 8 crullers at a time, turning them halfway through cooking, until golden, 4 to 5 minutes. Drain on the baking sheet.
6. In a deep stainless steel mixing bowl, combine the sugar and cinnamon.
7. Dip the hot churros into the sugar mixture. Shake the bowl to coat well and shake off the excess sugar. Set churros aside on a baking sheet preheated to 100°C (212°F).
8. Repeat with the remaining dough.
Assembly:
Pile the crullers in 8 bowls, drizzle with sauce and sprinkle with marshmallow pieces. Serve warm.
From an article in The New Yorker:
On a recent trip to Montreal, a city that is to poutine what Baltimore is to crab cakes, I asked a young woman I’d met there named Emily Birnbaum why poutine often struck people as funny. “Because it’s so gross,” she said. “After you finish a poutine, you say, ‘I can’t believe I ate that.’ ” It almost goes without saying that she was eating poutine as we spoke. So was I.
Doodler, THAT is a poutine recipe I could totally dig into.
Andrew, you are such a sweet, gentle, kind-hearted man and that is one of the most attractive things about you. You truly are just a genuinely caring person and that is a GREAT quality. I agree with what others before me have said about the Christmas card, though. If these people are not really your friends, throw it away and quit worrying about it. It is not on you to explain your situation to them and it is not on you to forward it to your XW. It is on HER to keep HER friends posted on HER life and if she doesn't, well that should be a pretty loud message as to how close these people really are to her and that message is not very. You have enough on your plate right now without worrying about keeping up appearances for her and her friends. If she truly cared about these people, she would realize that she isn't receiving cards from them like normal and she would reach out. Clearly she hasn't or we wouldn't be commenting on it now. As far as S25 seeing it and passing it on if he chooses...STOP trying to put him in the middle. I don't think you are even consciously aware that you do that, but it is like the paper towel holder or whatever it was that you said you left for him to give to her if he chose to because it was something someone in her family had given as a gift.....he's an adult and he doesn't need to act as go-between and if I was in his position and I happened to see the card, I wouldn't even comment on it, much less pick it up and carry it to the other party. I have said this to you before, but buddy, you need to channel your inner Elsa and "LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". Worry about S and her brood. You have your hands full there, in more ways than 1 it would seem, in light of your need for bedroom furniture repair.;)
[Nope. He was having an affair. With someone he met at the Senior Center. Playing Cards. I can't make this $h!t up.
It is astounding to me how many people in their senior years have affairs. And here I'm somewhat surprised that all the plumbing works at 55. Good thing that I rarely play cards. Didn't they used to charge "sin taxes" on those cardboard messengers from the netherworld?
I came across this fantastic recipe that’s perfect for the holidays. It’s not an LBS recipe, but it is super nutritious and heart healthy. And, it includes all three Canadian macronutrient groups, carbohydrate, fat, and poutine. It's the superfood of 2019.
Hmmmm - Never attempted to make churros although I do enjoy them. This would be nice. Thanks for sharing. I wonder if I can find a gluten free recipe. Thanks doodler. Are you sure we're not related? We do tend to think similarly. I was figuring that we would be swapping actual recipes here.
Thanks all for your input. I think Dawn hit it best.
Wrote up the return card this morning. This couple I considered friends too. I just was allowing my ex - who I knew them through - to control the narrative - which she didn't. On the other hand, it was always me that sent out the Christmas and birthday cards etc. Expecting anything from her is very much one of those tunnels that have no cheese curds. This is a very thoughtful friend who takes the time to write personal notes on each card. The narrative is mine to speak. I didn't say anything though other than that she left in 2016 and that S25 and I are doing the bachelor lifestyle.
Well - lazy snowy day here. S didn't get out to talk to her STBX nor her other errands yesterday due to unsafe road conditions through the middle of the day. S25 had the driveway cleared of the nearly 1 foot of snow we got through the day by the time I got home. I heard from my son-in-law this morning and he seems in good spirits. D27 recently chastised me in a rather impersonal message for violating OPSEC by repeating non-official sources so I won't pass on anything here. In our "family chat" though, I did send a picture of S and I together along with a suggestion that a call is in order as the news is stacking up.
Have a great day all - those in snowier climes, have something warm and sustaining on your menu. I'm thinking tomato soup and maybe grilled cheese for lunch here.
Thanks doodler. Are you sure we're not related? We do tend to think similarly. I was figuring that we would be swapping actual recipes here.
I don't think we're related. I don't like dry humor.
Expecting anything from her is very much one of those tunnels that have no cheese curds.
You can't even be certain that they're curds.
And now the news.
S25 has 2 job interviews coming up. He was supposed to go to one last Friday but his car - without snow tires - nearly went in to the ditch so he re-scheduled. His snow tires will go on this Friday. He has an interview on Monday but the weather has warmed and the roads should be fine. The other interview is just after the New Year.
There is an opening at one of our plants but he never applied. I found the info, passed it on and as far as I'm concerned it's out of my hands. I'm very happy that he's stirring himself. I think he's now hit the point where he is motivated to make changes. He had a vision board in his room with goals a while ago. It was updated a little while ago where he's logging his progress on a virtual bicycle ride from Ottawa to here using the exercise bike.
Company Christmas party on Wednesday. I ran in to my now retired boss there. Sheesh - talk about shark eyes. He and I haven't gotten along for years but covered it in a slightly cracked veneer of professionalism and friendly communication. I was cheerful and chatted with him for a bit with a careful eye out for knives. I did have a chat with my new boss the COO later in the day sorting out my commuting schedule. I've known him since he was a mid-level manager and we get along fine. He is pretty much cool with whatever I come up with and emphasized that I need to assist one of the company presidents as much as I could. The one whose plant is a moderate commute away and who I've already been working on supporting as much as I can.
Somewhat momentous day relationship wise yesterday. The new Star Wars movie is out and I got tickets online for it earlier in the week and S, S12, S17 and I planned on going. I had a haircut before noon and picked up S later. My original plans to get a bunch of stuff done around my house went a bit sideways as it turned out that the boys needed to do their Christmas shopping still so we left mid-afternoon in my car, did the shoppings, had dinner at Wendy's (I had the chili - haven't had that in years) and then the movie.
While shopping, it just naturally turned out that I kept an eye on S12 who was a bit hyper, but generally a good kid and S stayed with S17. The divide and conquer approach I was used to as a father of 2. It just seemed natural and everyone seemed comfortable with it. S17 did ask at dinner who paid and made a point of thanking me. S17 thought it hilarious when I suggested that if his Dad didn't like the gift he picked out that he would just blame me for the choice.
After the movie, S12 wanted to play some of the games at the theatre and we had some tokens we'd found some months ago and I'd kept aside - he went through those and a few more that his mother funded. S17 was looking very uncomfortable so I asked S if he maybe wanted to sit in the car while his brother finished up. She agreed, asked him, S17 looked very relieved and took me up on the offer. He has high anxiety so I was glad that my idea to allow him to go to a quiet place was a good one. I did feel that it was important that it went through S though as I'm not the dad. But that doesn't mean I can't help.
The car ride home was filled with loud complaints by S17 on how horrible the movie was with detailed arguments on how Disney has ruined the franchise and bringing of obscure references to the canon on the story line. He obviously had had a fabulous time (I'm being serious here). S12 who is also a huge fan of the franchise and S and I all contributed to the discussion.
S was very disappointed that I chose to not stay over last night. I'm sure the boys would have been ok with that. My excuse that packing my CPAP machine is a nuisance was quickly punctured as being bogus. The more real one that I wasn't comfortable with the boys being there was posited. The other one which S, I don't think would have gotten as well was that she had a huge amount of things to still do for Christmas, I have a bunch of things to do and if I stayed over, none of it would have gotten done.
S17 I think approves of me as when S and I were good-nighting, he would dash over with his plastic light saber and a big smile, poke at his mother telling us to knock it off and then dash away. He also suggested that he would be more than happy if she and his younger brother went back to my place leaving him in the apartment.
S mentioned that a couple of the kids' friends who have now met me highly approve too and she mused that she must have been noticed to make some really bad choices in the past.
One thing that bothered me a bit and I mentioned it to her, is the occasional comparison to her past relationships. The other day she mentioned that she sleeps better next to me than she ever did with anyone else. Yesterday I had her assist me in picking out the pain and allergy over the counter meds that she uses and she commented that nobody had ever had such consideration for her, which I regard as perfectly natural. She just seemed to be flabbergasted that someone would be considerate of her needs. The woman has some severe allergies and pain issues - "of course" I'll make sure to have the remedies on hand.
My barber, a bit against my will, made a point of bringing up an ex boyfriend of S's again who is also a customer of his. The guy certainly is no prize. A decent enough job but a chain smoker and heavy drinker who recently moved in to a room above the strip club he spends most of his time at these days. S dated him for about 6 months and the barber confirmed that it was well over a year ago. It ended rather badly. The barber is very sure that the guy can be quite the jerk especially when drinking which he does all the time.
In conversations we've had it would come out that S has a history of wanting to keep even bad relationships working and would try again and again. It came out in passing that she and XH#2 broke up when she was pregnant with D18, they got back together, S17, broke up, tried again, S12 and then ended it for good. This seems to be the case with most of her past relationship - where she just keeps trying. In many ways I treat this as a positive in that when bumps in the road are encountered she'll not cut and run. Having B pack it in without a backwards glance certainly wasn't fun.
I sort of wonder if we're not moving in to a "more real" phase where S has discovered that I'm not running away, that while flawed in some ways am a reasonably decent guy. One who doesn't hesitate to laugh at himself nor to just automatically lend a hand when one is needed.
Well - breakfast is done (mushroom omelette, sausages and steamed spinach). The wee birds have been emptying my feeder and providing me with entertainment out the kitchen window. My cat Amy is keeping all the papers on my desk safe. S will be coming over later when she is to a point where she has what needs to be done at her place for Christmas done. I suspect she's still asleep at 10:30 - we were out rather late and she was going to some of her Christmas baking. I gave her her present yesterday and let her know that there was nothing embarrassing in it so I expect she'll wait and open it Christmas morning. We're going to pop in to a neighbour's open house later this afternoon. Shortly I'll be putting my roast of beef in the slow cooker for Sunday Supper. I have no idea how many people I'll be feeding
My own Christmas wrapping needs to be done, much house cleaning is needed along with my ironing. I'll probably pop "in to town" shortly and pick up a couple of last minute items.
It's been a "lot" more busy these days making space for S. Certainly worth it, but I will be glad when Christmas is over and I can hopefully slow down some more. The fact that S essentially has 100% custody right now because XH#2 still doesn't have a car adds a layer of complexity. We both expect that he'll get a car in the new year
A bien tot mes amis.
For those days when you just don't feel like eating poutine...
TUNA AND JELLO PIE (WITH CHEESE PIE CRUST)
Ingredients:
1 (3 oz.) pkg. lemon Jello
1 1/4 c. boiling water
1 (8 oz.) can tomato sauce
1 tbsp. vinegar
1/2 tsp. Lawry's salt
1/4 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1/8 tsp. Tabasco sauce
1/2 c. chopped celery
1/2 c. chopped pimento
1/2 c. chopped stuffed olives
1/2 c. chopped green pepper
1/4 c. chopped onion
9-inch cheese pie shell
Jello and tuna filling:
Dissolve Jello in boiling water. Stir in tomato sauce, vinegar and seasonings. Chill until slightly thickened. Fold in chopped vegetables. Pour into cooled cheese pie shell. Chill thoroughly. Spoon tuna salad on top. Garnish with cherry tomatoes and fresh mint leaves.
Cheese pie shell:
1 c. unbleached flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1/3 c. plus 1 tbsp. Crisco
1/2 c. shredded sharp Cheddar cheese
2 tbsp. iced water
Mix flour and salt, cut in shortening. Stir in cheese, sprinkle water and form ball. Roll out dough, place in pan. Flute edges and prick pastry. Bake 8-10 minutes in 475 degree oven.
Tuna salad:
1 (6 1/2 oz.) can water-packed tuna
1 tsp. lemon juice
1 c. chopped celery
1 tbsp. minced onion
2 tbsp. tarragon vinegar
mayonnaise to moisten.
Mix together.
Special Note: Keep a barf bag handy while eating the pie.
TUNA AND JELLO PIE (WITH CHEESE PIE CRUST)
Step Away from "Betty Crocker’s Dinner in a Dish" cookbook.
S25 and I were talking about Christmas morning breakfast and he's up for something I want to try and had some good suggestions.
Tonight
- sautee sliced potatoes and onions and set aside
- pre-cook some garlic farmer's sausage
Tomorrow morning
- mix eggs with a bit of milk and assorted spices
- put potatoes, onions and sausage in greased muffin pan
- add some diced spinach to 1/2 of them as S25 doesn't like cooked spinach
- pour eggs over top
- bake @350F for 20 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean
- Let cool for about 10 minutes
It should be good. My ex-wife a couple of times made a sort of breakfast casserole which is where I'm heading with this. She was a pretty decent cook when she put in the effort. This is more or less just something I've made up for this year based on what I like and what I have on hand.
Had a nightmare about her on Sunday night. Blargh. There was something kid related that I needed to talk to her about so tracked her down. OM was there and belligerent and got violent on me. I sat on him, tied him up and moved on. My ex in this dream was made up like a $50 hooker at the mine on payday (I used to work in hard rock mining - I know what they look like). Fake nails, heavy makeup. Very not her. She was a conservative matron in her appearance. Took good care of her appearance generally but played the part of respectable middle aged housewife and mom well. The discussion went nowhere and she tried to hit on me. The alarm went off.
That's the first time in a long while that she's invaded my dreams. I'm glad in some ways that it was in such an unpleasant fashion that reinforces that she is very much behind me.
I have no clue what her plans are for S25 etc at Christmas. She does have a history of announcing things at the last minute and expecting everyone to jump. S25 as of last night at least is expecting to be spending Christmas day here.
My assumption - based on a complete lack of knowledge - is that she and OM have moved in to a house of their own. It would make sense that they maybe built one considering he retired, sold his house and moved in to her apartment for quite some time. She has somewhat over $100K from me with a guaranteed cash flow for a while so has a contribution she could make too. And she always wanted a dream house. He has either 2 or 3 adult kids plus assorted grand-kids so I could imagine that they are playing happy family and hosting Christmas. Again - no actual information and my guess-work is generally wrong. And it doesn't matter as it doesn't affect me other than as it may cause conflicting scheduling with my own kids. If S25 is part of this then he'll certainly be a background figure.
S is expected by later in the afternoon Christmas Day and will stay for dinner. She is with her Dad and the kids at his place 2 1/2 hours away since Monday. They will be having their dinner etc tonight and then everyone scatters leaving just her Dad and her there tomorrow. I assured her that if she wanted to spend the day with him that's fine but I think she finds him one on one a bit stressful. There's some FOO issues going on there but then again, who doesn't have those. I think she'll be staying here until Friday along with her small dog. S25 had a discussion last night about that and the plans for keeping some sort of peace with "the girls". S has someone looking after her cats and the rabbits are with S17 who probably really needs his emotional support critters.
Originally I'd intended to just have it as a day for S25 and I but I could hardly say no. S "really" wants to come. And having had a chance to "take a run at it" I'm now looking forward to it. We've realized that for some things that I need a few days to think things through that she has suggested that I may be uncomfortable with. Usually I get it all sorted out in my head and then am fully on board. S is pretty accommodating about this. It means a couple of minor tweaks to my own plans. We'll be having sparking juice with dinner and not wine. S25 has also cut way back on his alcohol lately and seems to like the change.
The duck has been out thawing for a couple of days. Roast duck, dressing (S can't have any
), turnip and / or butternut squash, mashed potatoes, vegetables (maybe a cheese sauce), gravy and a rhubarb / black currant pie with a crumble top. S can't eat the crust - I haven't learned how to make a gluten free one yet. The crumble top is oatmeal based so she's fine with that. S25 prefers a crumble top as well. Personally I like a covered pie but I had things planned out to only have one pie shell on hand.
S will undoubtedly want to help cook so I may actually be able to manage this ambitious menu. We work together surprisingly well in the kitchen at least thus far.
On Sunday S gave S25 and I presents that are under the tree. I still have my wrapping to do. I'm supposed to be working right now, but things are obviously quiet and I'm in my PJs at home monitoring things. She has her present with her I presume.
The last present that I ordered online might actually be in today's post. It's something for me from Santa so if it doesn't make it, that's fine.
I did see on the official US Navy social media feed that there has been a recent mail delivery - fingers crossed that my son-in-law will get his parcel. I included a kazoo so that he can serenade his shipmates. I expect this to be an - ahem - popular gift
I hope that the fishes of the deeps are musical as I don't expect it to stay on board for long.
No sign of a parcel from D27. I'm thinking that there isn't one this year. I mused to S that she may have sent it home with her mother which got me an eye-roll. Sad. D27 is still largely maintaining radio silence. I'm leaving her be aside from the usual pictures of the cats and snow and such that I would normally be sending her. She responds occasionally and briefly. At this point I'm planning on going to San Diego for my birthday in March. Her husband should be home by then. S won't be joining me as her D18 will be turning to D19 the day after my own birthday. I did message in the family group chat that there is news that is backing up and included a picture of S and I together so D27 should be up to speed on that at least more or less.
S25 had a job interview yesterday. It went very very well he believes. It's basic warehouse work. He's supposed to hear back in a few days. He has another interview in a week or so for a production line job which pays slightly more but is a tougher and more tedious job. I feel very positive about all of this as does he. He's making a really big effort to turn things around for himself. Doing a lot better self care too. I'm proud of him and am sure he knows it.
What a heck of a year it's been. Fallen in love not once, but twice. Had conflict with my family which seems to have simmered down without me being the one who tries to pave everything over. Just standing firm on my boundaries and beliefs.
2020 will be a year for looking ahead and not back. I can see the shape of a future but not the path to it nor exactly what it looks like. Pieces are falling into place though all on their own (more or less). If I've learned one thing in the last 4 years, it's to let go of the outcome and to embrace each day as the gift that it is.
Merry Christmas one and all! Much love from my small family to you and yours.
Andrew,
Merry Christmas to you, your family and friends. Enjoy the holiday and due try to get some rest along the way.
Well paint me purple and call me Susan!
My ex-wife played elf and brought back the gifts for us from D27 via S25. S25/D27 had responded to my message about last day of mail in the family chat that parcels had arrived thanks to a "helper". I expressed my appreciation to them and asked D27 specifically to thank her "helper" and let her know that I was very grateful.
Christmas miracles indeed.
Andrew,
Merry Christmas to you, your family and friends. Enjoy the holiday and due try to get some rest along the way.
Thanks job. Just had a nice long soak in my tub - only a 1/2 day of work today. Time now to do some cleaning and then have a bit of a sit with a good book.
Merry Christmas to you and yours as well. Thank you for being our guardian angel.
It is a magical time of the year and anything can happen. Just look what in your household! What a surprise and I am glad you expressed your appreciation right away.
I just love those Christmas miracles!
Merry Christmas Andrew
Wow. A surprise helping elf. I’m with job, I love Christmas miracles.
Best wishes to you and your’s my friend.
DnJ
Hope you’re having a great day,
I must admit, I had to read “I’m having a bit of a sit with a good book”, twice...........lol!
Exhausted after a very full day.
S didn't come after all so it was just S25 and I for dinner. He made a loaf of fresh bread to go with our roast duck.
I am trying to figure out why my last 2 pies are runny on the bottom. S25 suspects that it's because the rhubarb and currants were put in frozen. Opinions would be welcome. I wonder if I maybe used 2 eggs instead of one if that would gell it up more, or would it make it too "eggy".
S wasn't able to come because she stayed at her Dad's house to look after her grandson as her daughter was under the weather. She thought she might make it later after dinner but chose to stay rather than drive so late. A wise choice in my mind even though it would have been nice to see her. She's driving up tomorrow morning. They were all worried about her D25 and nearly took her to the hospital but whatever gastric issue she was having passed. Given the various allergies that family has it could be anything.
Christmas was good. I ended up waking S25 up to feed him breakfast and open presents. I got a new EReader from "Santa". S gave me a captioned picture of us that I know she put a lot of effort into. S25 gave me a new robe and a slicer thing-a-mabob with the comment that it would help me making scalloped potatoes - one of his favourite foods. He also gave me 3 bottles of wine, almost exhausting his "cellar" that he accidentally had because he couldn't figure out how to cancel the Wine of the Month he got me last year intending if to only be 3 months.
It turns out that what had been transported up for D27 was just a card. The gift was a gift certificate for the cafe I go to. Probably picked up by S25. Ah well, sending Thanks to my ex is a good karma thing and she did help. There was nothing for S25 from his sister here. It may be at his Mother's place. Or not. None of my business. I do suspect that he's going there tomorrow as he mentioned that he is "going in to town".
One bit to note is with S not being here, I did have the option of having wine with dinner. We had sparkling juice from IKEA instead. I didn't really want wine and S25 was fine with that choice. Certainly made the tidying up go smoother not being XMas tipsy.
Well - off to bed.
Back to work today - blargh. The office is pretty much deserted. We're moving out of here in a few weeks and I still have to figure out my schedule between the two plants and the one remaining corporate office.
S showed up a bit earlier than expected yesterday afternoon. Since I was unsupervised, I was doing what I would normally do with some free time on my hands and was doing laundry.
She brought her dog - some sort of small wire-haired thing who dotes on me. She and the cats had a non-confrontational "I'm ignoring you" time of it so that's all good and one other hurdle overcome. My S25 went off to his mother's place for Christmas so we had the house to ourselves - including critters. He came back a bit earlier than expected but seemed to have had a good time. I think he's realizing that him seeing his mother doesn't really bother me much at all anymore. It will take some time for it to be "normalized".
The dog spent the night downstairs in the kitchen / bathroom separated from the cats. A certain amount of grumbling from the dog happened but she settled down. This morning I let the critters mingle while I had my breakfast. The dog scooted upstairs and was curled up with S in bed in a matter of moments. Oddly - when I headed out to work, she trotted back downstairs and I was able to confine her back to the kitchen again.
S is planning on staying for a couple of days as her two youngest are with their dad - possibly through the weekend. It was nice to have someone see me off to work even if that consisted of mumbles from under a pile of blankets. She is so very exhausted after a very busy week which included essentially hosting Christmas at her Dad's place.
And before everyone gasps, I'm fine with her being in the house by herself at this point.
One thing that struck me that I need to give a lot of thought to is during a quiet moment she said "promise not to abandon me like everyone else did". Makes me very sad for her. More and more I've gotten the feeling that she's been the one who kept trying to hold everything together. From the stories she's told - and yes - this is just her side although the evidence backs it up - the men she had in her life really just treated her like an appliance and for most of it she was indeed struggling alone in some fashion or other. Her stories and the things that her kids say are all part of a consistent narrative. It does make me wonder though. Certainly her narrative is that her ex partners were consistently self-centred jerks and from the little I know of them, having met XH#2 a few times, it certainly seems to be an accurate representation.
We had an interesting talk about "stuff". In her last marriage, one of her issues was the fact that the guy she married had very definite views on how "his" house should be managed and she never felt at home there. There was also pathological lies and financial abuse going on as well. She was very worried that that story would replay with me as superficially, I'm very particular about some things with a well organized sock drawer, formal(ish) Sunday dinner etc. But I'm not attached to "stuff". In fact I have very little of it. I told her that if for example the house caught on fire, the things to save were - in order - the people, the cats, a backup drive that contains all the family pictures and my finances, and the quilt off my bed. Nothing else mattered. The reason as I came to the realization - is that what I am actually attached to is the stories. What a favourite author calls Narrativium. The underlying substance that binds the universe together and gives it meaning and structure.
I do need to figure out what to do with my left-over duck. I ended up with a fair amount of stock as well which reduced down nicely. I'm thinking that instead of the regular duck stew that I may try some sort of duck pie. I used to make something that I called "farmer's stew" - which had no bottom crust and a top crust of tea biscuit dough. Hmmmm. Needs to be gluten free though.
Ah well - time to be responsible. I need to go over some year-end procedures and make sure that all is in place. I may indulge in a long lunch over Indian food. It will be nice to come home to S - and not she's not moved in as of yet although we continue to get more and more domestic ... We are planning on spending New Years Eve together but we're not sure where. S12 doesn't have plans so S is going to consult with him to see if he wants to be home or spend it at my place with a big comfy bed in the spare room and faster WiFi. I also need to book some vacation in February as we are all going together to a local resort when S12 turns in to S13.
Until later.
“Please don’t abandon me?”
What exactly does that mean? You are dating and if you find the relationship isn’t working, is that abandonment ?
M did not abandon me. He broke up with me and decided to exit the relationship. Which was was his choice to do so. The R wasn’t working for him, so he broke up with me. If I would have broken up with him, would I have a abandoned him?
I think more of abandonment is leaving a marriage, the kids, and leaving someone on the street with nothing.
She clearly has a level of codependency. Which I know you being a super super nice guy people pleaser will not leave this R if it is t working for you. You are clearly very deeply committed.
Just don’t forget your needs, ok?
I think more of abandonment is leaving a marriage, the kids, and leaving someone on the street with nothing.
Thanks Ginger. That actually did happen to her. At least twice that I know of.
I'm not so sure that she has codependent tendencies. Certainly hasn't shown a "need" to take care of everything for me. Nor has she shown a tendency to control. Boundaries are fairly solid I think. She is a bit of an over-thinking, but so am I so who am I to judge. Some self-esteem issues rooted in childhood and never being "good enough" for her parents undoubtedly magnified by past failed relationships.
She does have a big heart and has been known to adopt strays. Both critters and kids have found an at least a temporary refuge with her.
In conversations we've had, she's emphasized her abilities to manage on her own and the resources that she has currently and also that she plans to bring to bear in the future. There's a lot of justifiable pride in her ability to manage in difficult circumstances. Despite her kids being more or less normal for their ages, one thing that I do absolutely see is how they view themselves as a unit more than I've encountered before. They are all very supportive of each other despite the usual sibling / thing. The XHs are certainly not part of that unit.
It certainly something that I need to be thoughtful of and aware of which is why I brought it up here rather than just in my diary.
A,
I’m not up to date with your relationship but I read exhs plural. As a numbers guy I must warn you the D rate is 80% on 3 marriages and higher.
A,
I’m not up to date with your relationship but I read exhs plural. As a numbers guy I must warn you the D rate is 80% on 3 marriages and higher.
I studied mathematics at the University of Waterloo back in the day when the only numbers we had were One, Two, Three, Many
Failed my statistics class rather badly.
A couple of random quotes. The first one has guided my thinking for quite some time and was gifted to me by an old friend of the forum - now passed on. I'm using it here slightly out of context.
I had a saying I used often. I'm not certain if I am going to say it 100% correctly.
Whether it is a 1 in 100 chance of saving your marriage or a 1 in 1,000,000,000 chance of saving your marriage it doesn't matter the end number, what matters is the first number.
Be the 1.
My sin was knowing that I would be the 1. That was my pride.
Let it be yours.
And another one - very out of context.
Correlation does not imply causation.
For better or worse, I'm a person who believes in people. Who believes in hard work and honesty. Who believes in himself. And who yes, believes in hope. And Jack.
I know Andrew you are a very good man. Unfortunately that makes you a mark.
Just be careful.
I think I get where you’re coming from, Andrew. You don’t like being alone. You’ve had health issues that make you very aware of your mortality and you want to live life with a companion now because the future is uncertain.. You like being the White Knight and feel like your financial, moral and emotional stability are a big part of the package that you offer (it is). I get it.
Just also be aware of potential minefields. You’re a bit of a fussbudget when it comes to your space - you like things done a certain way, you like your routines, your standards for cleanliness and neatness might be higher than most. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that but it might spell disaster should you bring her and her family into your home. She may voice aspirations to live a more organized life but she wasn’t doing that before you met her and her kids haven’t grown up with that. My guess is, if they lived with you, you would quickly become exasperated at her kids’ lack of neatness, and either be mad as you clean up after everyone, or alienate them by trying to make everybody live up to your standards.
In my opinion, it’d be wiser to just date until her kids are grown. But if you do decide at some point to rescue them by taking them into your home, think long and hard about how flexible you can be, or how willing you would be to clean after them without resentment.
I think I get where you’re coming from, Andrew.
Thanks kml. The only parts that I'd dispute are your second and third sentence. I'm hoping to add depth and richness to my life. Yes, I don't like being alone, but I won't pair up if there's a chance of losing the person I have discovered myself to be. For the third point, I like to believe that my health issues are well under control and hope for a long and productive future ahead of me. At this point I'm planning on working in to my early 70s and being active in volunteering etc beyond that.
When I started dating S it was with a hope that she would inspire me to venture outside the groove I was wearing in the carpet following my routines. In fact that is one of the particular things that inspired me to go on the first and second dates with her. I haven't been proven wrong. It's finding the balance between the two ways of looking at the world that has both added richness and also occasional discomfort.
All of these items have crossed my mind. I do like to believe that I'm not quite the Felix Unger that I may appear to be
And for her part, S has certainly shown that she has a depth of character and strength that is in contrast to the superficial opinions of some who think of her as rather scattered and bubble-headed.
I just cut out a long rambling commentary.
Just be assured that this has been a topic of conversation in the "this is something we will need to accommodate for each other" vs "this is the way that it needs to be" vein. How that will be done is as yet unknown. Undoubtedly I will make a number of adjustments. Which is inevitable going from essentially a bachelor living in a big somewhat empty house with his two cats and the ghostly presence of S25 to something completely different. And I've been open and honest about the fact that some things take me a while to process. S has been understanding about this I believe.
For her part, she is having to come to terms that the life that could be available to her isn't the same as what she has painted in her own imagination with a big house in the country and lots of animals around, many of whom have been trained by the Walt Disney Corporation to do household chores.
Hello Andrew
A very nice update. Someone caring about you, seeing you off to work, even mumbles from a pile of blankets, is wonderfully intoxicating.
I do believe that S’s children know you care as well. So it won’t just be your faster WIFI that brings S12 to want to stay over; you probably have a bigger TV too.
One thing that struck me that I need to give a lot of thought to is during a quiet moment she said "promise not to abandon me like everyone else did".
That is a touching sentiment.
We all see other’s actions and word choices through our own lens and perceptions; a kind of mind reading based on our beliefs and values.
Her reference to abandonment is both a red flag and a green flag. Her fears regarding abandonment would be a place for her to grow. I’m pretty sure she has been hurt before, and she is being quite vulnerable in opening up. I do know you well enough to believe you would not abandon her. The discussion of when it is breaking up or abandonment is one I am sure you are considering carefully. And something you consider very low in probability of happening.
S looking for a promise to basically not leave, shows her desire for a long term relationship. I suppose if one were to look at this cynically she desires the power over the relationship, to know that you wouldn’t leave but she could. However, I’m not very cynical. I do believe and hope in people, and I take her comment at face value.
My lens, she is looking long term, and so are you. Both running to something instead of running from something, that’s about the best it can be. That richness in your life you speak about.
My advice, other than good glue on the bed frame
, is don’t sweat the small stuff. You are fussy around the house, which is a very good thing. When things inevitably don’t quite go according to plan, let it go. Ensure you worry about what truly matters, and let the rest be, don’t sweat the small stuff. And as a 52 year old single guy looking after his own big house and yard - yeah I know how we can get set in our ways when having to do it all. Don’t sweat the small stuff does get repeated to myself every now and then, and I laugh at listening to my own (DnJ’s) advice.
Anyhow, I just thought I’d pop by and pass on how my first thoughts reading her words were “how touching”. The rest came after thinking about it; that mind reading. Sometimes it’s best not to read too far into things. You are rather lucky, you can during a quiet moment talk to her about this. Gently assuring her and seeing what she feels and thinks.
I will attest that the animals that reside in proximation to my country home are unfortunately not Disney trained either.
DnJ
^^^^^ maybe I’m just jaded and “please don’t abandon me”
Is a touching positive thing.
Im sure you know what the fine line between breaking up and abandonment is.
And I also know you wouldn’t abandon her. I also know you wouldn’t break up with her. You just wouldn’t.
So, I do wish all the best in your R.
Windy, rainy day right now with some ice here and there in Upper, Lower, Middle Kanukistan. A good day to stay in bed in your PJs but the roads were open so I made it in to the plant. Should be a quiet day here for me although others are trying to get the order books cleared up for year end and I saw that we have some bulk deliveries coming in as well. The rail siding just outside my window is pretty much empty which is very unusual. There's only 3 cars there instead of the usual 10 or so.
Interesting and enjoyable few days over Christmas. S stayed with me from Boxing Day to last night. It's actually been about a week since she's been home.
She messaged me after she got home
I know I'm back home with boys....Alexa just gave a reminder saying she has constipation Her S12 was with his Dad from Christmas day on - somewhat. He was at the cottage that his Dad is currently renting (he moves a "lot") by himself with his sister's dog to look after. It seems though that his Dad and sister were off "filming" for a few days and would come home very late at night and leave early in the morning leaving him on his own. I'd suggested on Saturday that he could stay with us. On Sunday there was bad weather forecast and when S checked, his Dad wouldn't be home until "very" late and would have to borrow a car to drive S12 home. So S checked with everyone and then we drove the 45 minutes each way to pick him - and the dog up. The dog was very keen to leave and jumped right in to my car despite never having been in it before. S12 seemed pretty happy to see us too. He took us on a tour of the cottage - a furnished rental. I did the nosy thing and checked the contents of the fridge. The only thing in there was a partial carton of eggs and some pop. It looked like pre-made frozen dinners were in the freezer. Wheeee! He was however, warm, safe and cheerful. I think S counted that as an over-all win considering how self-centred that XH#2 is.
S and I made up broccoli and duck pie for dinner with fresh biscuits.
On the drive to the house from the cottage, S12 - in the way that he has - out of the blue asked - "so - are you guys getting married?". He seemed satisfied with the non-committal answer he got and probably got the reference when I muttered that "I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition".
S12 plopped himself in front of the TV and seemed content with the world when he got to my house. He did take himself on a tour as well which S25 assisted in when they bumped in to each other.
Given that there were 2 dogs, a woman, and an extra kid in the house off and on, I made a point of thanking S25 for his consideration for the last few days. I think he found it rather tough to be invaded. "The girls" (cats) seemed more or less OK and S25 was very protective of them and their interests. I suspect these past few days are going to be another nudge in him getting his own place. There were a few times that I could see him biting his tongue and holding his temper at me likely with regards to the inconvenience to his girls plus the extra noise and mess.
He was though a very good host and cheerful to our "guests" including the dogs. I was very pleased that he took S's dog who is a small barky kind of thing (some sort of poodle cross) on a few walks when we were out.
S and I did have a bit of a "difference of opinion". On Saturday we went on an adventure to a local flea market. S made the comment that I didn't like her driving because I always drove. I countered that I had no problem with her driving but that yes, I "preferred" to drive when we went out. Which she took as me not liking her driving.
On Sunday when we were heading out to get S12, she was startled when I went to the passenger side of her van while she was standing at the passenger side of the car. I think she got the point - and asked me if I could drive because she had missed one of her ADD prescription doses and didn't want to drive that distance given other options.
We also had a bit of a disagreement when the subject of the end of my marriage came up. S was stuck on a narrative that my ex must have been unhappy which I disagreed with having my own narrative that it was an opportunistic thing for her when OM more or less literally fell in to her lap as a well off puddle of need after his wife died. Certainly understanding the reason for the end of a prior relationship is important. S and my ex do know each other socially - small town dating - but aren't friends. To the best of my knowledge they've not bumped in to each other since we've been dating although my ex undoubtedly is fully aware via regular gossip channels plus S25.
S is I think ready to file for divorce from her H. A big thing that has held her back I think is the fact that she needs to use his benefits to manage a couple of conditions that she has (ADD and chronic pain). I knew from my own divorce and double-checked with my HR person that it is common practice to keep an ex-spouse on your benefits if they posses a pre-existing condition. S thinks that her STBX will be decent about it all. Their relationship is certainly a bit weird. She largely ignores him but he sends her messages on pretty much a daily basis. Things like "does the dollar store sell potato mashers", commenting on the price of gas etc. She had been intending to sit and talk with him a week or so ago but bad weather had everyone stuck at home. This is a crappy time to be given that sort of news so I personally hope that she waits until after the New Year. There are also a couple of minor financial ties plus a bit of S's furniture still at his house that would need to be sorted out. Despite them not actively living together for about 5 years now, it's been an oddly drawn out process which I honestly do not understand. I do though believe S's reassurances that it is very very over and has been for some time. What his opinion is and what impact that will have on S may well be another matter.
So - New Years I am 99% sure that I will be smooched by a lovely lady. We're not sure where - geographically that is. I told her that I'm open to either place. S12 will be not going out and it's uncertain if S17 will. My S25 may or may not have plans. I believe he doesn't. I do get the feeling that it will be at my house with S12.
For 2020 we have decided that we're not looking back and will only be looking forward.
Dude, this S relationship is just a redux of the B relationship. Married woman with a loser husband and dependents needs some financial security and a place to stay. You need to date some other women before you go down that path again.
Dude, this S relationship is just a redux of the B relationship. Married woman with a loser husband and dependents needs some financial security and a place to stay. You need to date some other women before you go down that path again.
Got up on the wrong side of the bed doodler?
You're not completely wrong in that summary of her situation though. I would imagine that many available women fall in to the category of having loser husbands and dependents. And that many of those are financially disadvantaged by the process of extricating themselves from their loser husband situations. She has a kind heart which is 90% of what I am looking for. She's also very good at cross-stitch and baking.
CL is currently in West Palm Beach with her kids. She's not very financially disadvantaged and has a fairly nice house. There are some other issues involved there though.
Christmas was good for you and the boys I hope? I must have been a good boy because Santa brought me a new e-reader and a warm blanket to read under.
Got up on the wrong side of the bed doodler?
Oh h3ll no! I actually feel really good today. I'm trying to emulate Trump; I'm spewing what immediately comes to mind and then I'll go with what works and discard the rest. Or maybe I'm on a manic upswing. Either way, I'm good.
She has a kind heart which is 90% of what I am looking for. She's also very good at cross-stitch and baking.
And, she allows you to plant your seed in her loins. That's two thumbs up.
CL is currently in West Palm Beach with her kids. She's not very financially disadvantaged and has a fairly nice house. There are some other issues involved there though.
Years ago I lived in West Palm. (I worked at the super-secret *just kidding* Pratt & Whitney jet (and rocket) engine design/test facility that's out near Lake Okeechobee.) I liked West Palm. I did a sh*t load of body surfing off of Singer Island while I was there, and I did a little sailing as well.
Christmas was good for you and the boys I hope?
Absolutely! I had the boys for two wonderful weeks. I'm always happier when the boys are around.
I must have been a good boy because Santa brought me a new e-reader and a warm blanket to read under.
An e-reader and a warm blanket is an excellent combination! You must've been good.
Speaking of that, by the second half of 2020, StarLink (thanks to Elon Musk) is supposed to have wireless broadband service available for the northern part of North America. (If you didn't know, that includes Canada - strange.) The box costs $200 and the service is supposed to cost about $80 per month.
Here's the even cooler thing; once all of the satellites are deployed, StarLink will provide worldwide wireless broadband access. The box is mobile. That means you can have broadband internet on the high seas at a fairly low cost. Right now if you use the PredictWind service on the open ocean, you can download forecasts via Iridium but it's so slow that you can generally only get low resolution maps and it takes hours to download. And, Blue Origin (Jeff Bezos) will be offering a similar service via Telestat LEO, but it'll be a few years before that's available. There's a third company that's doing the same thing, but I've forgotten the name of the company. I think I'm going to buy some SpaceX stock.
Dude, this S relationship is just a redux of the B relationship. Married woman with a loser husband and dependents needs some financial security and a place to stay. You need to date some other women before you go down that path again.
I agree that they mirror each other in that way.
I also am pretty sure we predicted the moving in after New Years
I also am pretty sure Andrew, that you are quite content with the above. Just fine with giving the financial
Security and place to stay. I think you expressed you liked that, actually. She does need you. She does need a man. She didn’t set herself up not to.
But as long as you are happy, enjoying life, and don’t feel taken advantage of, then that’s great for you. You do seem more compatible than you and B, so that’s definitely a plus.
Dude, this S relationship is just a redux of the B relationship. Married woman with a loser husband and dependents needs some financial security and a place to stay. You need to date some other women before you go down that path again.
Wow I had to do a double take on who wrote this. For a guy who doesn’t post serious material much of the time, when you do, you really bring it. Have to add in still married as well. I don’t know if it’s good, bad or indifferent, but it’s very hard to argue with your accuracy Doodler. Great to see more of this side of you doodler!
Ok - I’ll just raise a little red flag here, only because I’m the queen of red flags:
She brought up the idea that your wife left because she was unhappy? Well, of course she was unhappy, happy people don’t do that, but it doesn’t mean YOU caused her unhappiness. I get S trying to figure out what happened there, because she’s contemplating letting go of the security blanket of her current husband to throw her lot in with you.
However, my question is this: why isn’t she saying “I can’t believe your ex was crazy enough to let you go!”?
^^^^wow! Good point!
Happy people don’t leave marriages. Of course. But it’s not someone else’s responsibility to make the other person happy. Now, I can say , I’ve been happy in life and unhappy in relationships before. But if B is looking to you to be the reason for her happiness, well, that’s a very tall, unfair order.
Here's the even cooler thing; once all of the satellites are deployed, StarLink will provide worldwide wireless broadband access. The box is mobile. That means you can have broadband internet on the high seas at a fairly low cost. Right now if you use the PredictWind service on the open ocean, you can download forecasts via Iridium but it's so slow that you can generally only get low resolution maps and it takes hours to download. And, Blue Origin (Jeff Bezos) will be offering a similar service via Telestat LEO, but it'll be a few years before that's available.
The main Telesat Earth Station is just a few miles away from my house. There's some great tobogganing hills and hiking trails close by. The site security though probably takes a dim view of using their dishes as sleds. Aren't most of the satellites are geostationary though so isn't the coverage limited to where the satellite would be visible?
Ok - I’ll just raise a little red flag here, only because I’m the queen of red flags:
She brought up the idea that your wife left because she was unhappy? Well, of course she was unhappy, happy people don’t do that, but it doesn’t mean YOU caused her unhappiness. I get S trying to figure out what happened there, because she’s contemplating letting go of the security blanket of her current husband to throw her lot in with you.
However, my question is this: why isn’t she saying “I can’t believe your ex was crazy enough to let you go!”?
Thanks kml - she does indeed say things like that. One of our little jokes is she'll ask where I've been all these years to which I respond "in training".
And her current husband isn't a security blanket except for his benefits which she uses for two prescriptions. She gets no other support from him and never has. Other than the one reconciliation attempt a year ago for a few months, they haven't been together in about 5 years I believe. Her boys are covered under XH#2's benefits and he also does the child support. She gets no spousal support from anyone although she undoubtedly is eligible for that.
But if B is looking to you to be the reason for her happiness, well, that’s a very tall, unfair order.
To be perfectly honest, I am confident that S is indeed looking for financial security and stability. But she also has a huge amount of justifiable pride for having managed on her own under difficult circumstances. I do believe that she is following her heart and was rather surprised at what it found that can be of practical use.
We'll see how it all plays out. Poke at anything long and hard enough and we're sure to find holes.
PS - My money is on not until the summer time for any sort of move. I do have inside knowledge going for me though. And I personally believe that she continues to be terrified of making another mistake in trusting her future to someone else's hands. It hasn't worked out well for her in the past.
And her current husband isn't a security blanket except for his benefits which she uses for two prescriptions. She gets no other support from him and never has. Other than the one reconciliation attempt a year ago for a few months, they haven't been together in about 5 years I believe. Her boys are covered under XH#2's benefits and he also does the child support. She gets no spousal support from anyone although she undoubtedly is eligible for that.
Then why has she remained married for so long? People generally do things (or don’t do things) for a reason. Why has she remained married for 5 years? Why not get a D years ago - before seriously dating 3 or 4 men? Not being sarcastic or snarky - it’s an honest and serious question.
Aren't most of the satellites are geostationary though so isn't the coverage limited to where the satellite would be visible?
With the new systems they're using thousands of small satellites with overlapping orbits to form a grid of coverage. The orbits are relatively low and that's part of the reason for the high bit rate; the signals don't have to travel the distance required when using geostationary satellites. Because of the number of satellites involved, the receiver doesn't have to constantly track a specific satellite; it just picks up the strongest signal at any given time.
It makes me wonder if 5G cellular is going to fail. If you know what I mean. I think the total up-front investment for the StarLink system is about $15 billion. For 5G cellular, it's supposedly going to cost ten times that amount (shared by a variety of providers). I don't know, but I suspect that the cellular networks will slowly die. If that's true, you should short the cellular stock and go long on StarLink and Telesat.
Why has she remained married for 5 years? Why not get a D years ago - before seriously dating 3 or 4 men? Not being sarcastic or snarky - it’s an honest and serious question.
I am satisfied with her reasons. 3 or 4 men is rather an exaggeration and not represented in anything I've posted.
I feel like I am watching a rerun. LOL! I've popped up some fresh popcorn and am sitting here waiting to see just how this plays out.
She will be moving in long before summer, i.e., more like March/April.
The young man inquiring as to the two of you getting married....I wonder if he is hoping that it will happen and soon. Like most kids, he may think you've got an endless wad of money and figures you'll be spending quite a bit on the new family. Kids do dream about a better life when they've had to be on a tight budget.
Andrew, you wear your heart on your sleeve and I worry about you. S may be a wonderful woman, but you two are moving too fast and need to really slow things down and just enjoy the day.
BTW, if the crew moves in, your young friend is going to have to come get her stuff and soon....I see a move coming quickly.
With the new systems they're using thousands of small satellites with overlapping orbits to form a grid of coverage. The orbits are relatively low and that's part of the reason for the high bit rate; the signals don't have to travel the distance required when using geostationary satellites. Because of the number of satellites involved, the receiver doesn't have to constantly track a specific satellite; it just picks up the strongest signal at any given time.
It makes me wonder if 5G cellular is going to fail. If you know what I mean. I think the total up-front investment for the StarLink system is about $15 billion. For 5G cellular, it's supposedly going to cost ten times that amount (shared by a variety of providers). I don't know, but I suspect that the cellular networks will slowly die. If that's true, you should short the cellular stock and go long on StarLink and Telesat.
My understanding is that the throughput rate even for low orbit transmission is significantly lower than even current tech. 5G (again my understanding) is more or less an improved usage of the FM spectrum that was freed up when our bunny ears were made useless.
On the other hand I recall teaching a course nearly 30 years ago to engineers where I posited the wisdom of the day that it was impossible to achieve anything higher than 9600 baud over copper. And that's direct data communication, not packetized. Wrapping the data in a packet adds significant overhead to the amount of data being moved along with the necessary "noise" to validate the receipt of each packet sent.
Assuming that the satellites are using straight TCP/IP vs something proprietary they have that added overhead. Given as well the additional overhead we see right now when shifting from one cell tower to another, there may well be more overhead if there are multiple satellites involved in the traffic for a particular device.
Smarter people than me are undoubtedly equipped with this knowledge.
I think that the big killer for 5G deployment in the near term are the geopolitical issues. On the other hand, few actually take full advantage of the capacity available to them at present and there is now an entrenched set of tech that people have invested in and will be reluctant to part with.
You do have a point about the investment appeal of companies who are able to leverage low earth orbit with connected tech. China's social credit system is undoubtedly going to expand to other countries. Data transmission and computing capacity will be necessary to power this.
I feel like I am watching a rerun. LOL! I've popped up some fresh popcorn and am sitting here waiting to see just how this plays out.
She will be moving in long before summer, i.e., more like March/April.
The young man inquiring as to the two of you getting married....I wonder if he is hoping that it will happen and soon. Like most kids, he may think you've got an endless wad of money and figures you'll be spending quite a bit on the new family. Kids do dream about a better life when they've had to be on a tight budget.
Andrew, you wear your heart on your sleeve and I worry about you. S may be a wonderful woman, but you two are moving too fast and need to really slow things down and just enjoy the day.
BTW, if the crew moves in, your young friend is going to have to come get her stuff and soon....I see a move coming quickly.
Thanks ((job)). I was actually thinking about 20S's stuff under my back stairs, in the basement and the front porch this morning. I think it's there for a while still. She's made a series of choices that all of her friends including myself think are bad but we are still standing by her.
Enjoy your popcorn! And Happy New Year!
From Fortune magazine on 10/22/2019...
The company [StarLink] is also promising high-speed internet of up to 1 gigabit per second, or about the top speed offered by cable and fiber companies today.
I've read articles that say it may even be faster than fiber in many cases (shorter distances from the satellites).
M was a telecommunications guy, AkA, “the phone guy” and was pretty convinced 5g is a ploy by the government to fry our brains
Years ago I lived in West Palm. (I worked at the super-secret *just kidding* Pratt & Whitney jet (and rocket) engine design/test facility that's out near Lake Okeechobee.) I liked West Palm. I did a sh*t load of body surfing off of Singer Island while I was there, and I did a little sailing as well.
My Brother In Law works at Pratt doodler, I just got back from spending a week at their house in Loxahatchee Acres for the holidays..
My Brother In Law works at Pratt doodler, I just got back from spending a week at their house in Loxahatchee Acres for the holidays..
Wow! Small world. Is Loxahatchee Acres the residential area not too far from Pratt?
I worked there in the mid-eighties; that was before I-95 was completed. Can you believe that? I-95 ended just north of West Palm Beach; I've forgotten where you could get back on I-95, but I think the re-entrance was north of Stuart. When I first moved there I lived in an apartment on Lake Mangonia near the Palm Beach Mall, but I eventually moved to Jupiter. Jupiter was relatively small back then, but it was growing quickly and I'd imagine it's quite a bit larger than it was back then.
Andrew,
When is the Canadian New Year? Why do Canadians smell like fries and gravy?
Andrew,
When is the Canadian New Year? Why do Canadians smell like fries and gravy?
It's the national cologne. This year, Metric New Year happened to coincide with your's. A rare occurrence.
Happy New Year from a balmy Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan! The temperature has been above zero and will be for a few days. That should be helpful in finding the pieces that blew off of my next door neighbour's house during the storms we recently had.
Just to get the betting pool sorted out, I did make it through 2019 without S or her kids and critters moving in.
I haven't decided if I'm going to start a new diary this year or not but will continue to ramble on here. It's nice to have a community to share my journey with.
S has been under the weather for the last few days. It started as a tickle in her throat last weekend and turned in to some sort of cold etc. Fortunately I don't believe that I caught it despite my efforts otherwise. I delivered her soup and a hug on Monday. She had gone on the "don't worry about me" train but stopped when I pointed out that we had told each other that we would help the other out when needed. She seemed to be a lot better by last night.
She was also grateful that I picked up snacks etc for NYE so she never had to get out of her PJs. A fancy onesie with an escape hatch in the back. Her Christmas traditions involve everyone getting new PJs.
New Years Eve was good. S's D18 and BF19 hung out for a while and were very disappointed that no special snacks had been set aside for them as they have both suddenly decided that they are vegetarian.
S's family are action film fans (I'm not) and they voted on the Ryan Reynolds movie 6 Underground. What a horrible movie - no discernible plot and very contrived action scenes where the heroes would magically be fully functional immediately after any incident. They also watched it with the lights off and volume up. I did stay there and everyone else agreed that the movie was quite bad and that they had no clue what was going on either and regretted their choice.
After that, I got to put on the Black Adder Back and Forth NYE movie. There was much grumbling and S said that this was Andrew's NYE tradition. None of them are familiar with Black Adder but they did enjoy it I think, laughing at the appropriate bits. I had also brought some episodes of Dudly Do-Right of the Mounties which got a similar grumble then chuckle reaction. S12 I think quite enjoyed both sets of entertainment I had brought.
Later S and I and her S12 toasted in the New Year watching the ball drop in New York - a common tradition. I got smooched. S12 found a cat.
S12 was a bit disturbed when he realized that I was staying the night. S told me later that it was because he was probably wanting to climb in to bed with her and nothing to do with me. Given that S isn't feeling well and S12 in the next room the bed frame wasn't stress tested further.
The next day - yesterday - was busy. I did get up earlier than everyone else and took D18's dog who had been dropped off while they went to a party for a nice long walk in the snow while everyone else slept. S wanted my muscles to put away the Christmas stuff and to help with some other things around her apartment. I have a couple of things I had to bring home that need my workshop to fix. She made us a nice dinner that both boys showed up for. After I got home late yesterday afternoon I put away my own decorations as is also my usual thing. Later today I'll put my tree out for the wee birdies to shelter in until spring.
S25 was doing up the dishes when I got home (gasp) and we had a nice chat. He had a quiet NYE on his own I believe.
Some things of note - in no particular order.
S showed me a text that she sent to her STBX letting him know that she was starting the divorce proceedings so that they "could both move on". Personally I thought it was kind of a d!ck move doing that on new years eve but is there ever a good time for it? One of her biggest worries is losing her medical insurance but she is armed with facts that it's not automatic for her to be taken off and in fact it's automatic that she'll stay on because she has a pre-existing condition.
She is planning on talking to him in the next week or so in person. Hopefully it all goes smoothly. She had I believe planned on telling him about the divorce in person so I'm uncertain as to why she needed to text that to him and then show that to me. (yeah yeah yeah - I know the theories)
S did ask me for my assistance in disconnecting her Amazon account from her STBX's smart speaker which made me feel a bit awkward. She texted him later that she did that and that he could ask D18 to assist in setting up his own account.
I'm getting along well with both the boys. D18 is fine too I think although we don't interact much as she is officially moved out despite regularly overnighting still. S12 and I had a long conversation on the manufacturing process for sodium bisulphite and about plastic recycling. He's a smart kid and asks questions. He actually seemed interested too and had brought up the questions in the "so what do you do" interrogation.
S17 has joked to his mother that he hopes that she and his brother will move in with me and leave him in the apartment. His inability to make rent is a bit of an issue with this plan of his which isn't something real - just a teenager joking.
S12 is going to be starting his growth hormone treatments shortly. Physically he looks about 6. He doesn't like eating on top of things and that is one of the requirements of going on the treatment. S regularly threatens him with him needing to go to the hospital and be put on an IV if he doesn't eat. I believe that this is a legit threat. I don't know anything about his condition beyond that but do get the feeling that it is life threatening if he doesn't get treated. Fortunately he has good medical coverage through his Dad's plan. He otherwise seems quite healthy with the combination of hyper activity and in-activity that is common at that age.
S and I have talked more about the shape of the future. I did ask that we try to limit the number of critters involved by not adding more and she agreed willingly. She knows that it's a fair amount of work and given her issues with her back struggles even with her one small dog. I can't really help especially with a dog as I'm not around through much of the week due to my commuting schedule.
We have both similar and dissimilar ways on how we like to live. She is a night owl and I'm an early riser. She has a reliance on her boys pitching in to keep the place neat (legit and good) where I'm a "if you see it, deal with it" guy. This means that I have a significantly higher level of tidy than she does. She does seem to prefer things being tidy but I think struggles both physically and mentally to get there. A combination of back pain, ADD and trying to get the kids to help out sabotages her.
We have no dates or timelines or even sets of conditions that will put us over the edge to being an actual couple. I honestly don't know how it would work out. There are a lot of moving parts. I do expect S25 to move out sometime this spring assuming that he gets one of the jobs that he's applied for. That simplifies things. S acknowledges that in her last relationship that she rushed things and that it did damage to the kids and herself. She doesn't want to make that mistake again. S17 is still in therapy undoubtedly in part because of the stress of it.
Well - back to it. I'm working from home today and have started some full backups which I do every quarter. I also have a stack of lottery tickets including one bought on NYE to check. Who knows - my life may change abruptly. Probably not though.
It is amazing how things have changed for me in the last few years. My past life is very much behind me I feel. The future does indeed look bright albeit somewhat blurry. And I can't find the right glasses.
Just to get the betting pool sorted out, I did make it through 2019 without S or her kids and critters moving in.
How much stuff does she already have at your house? What is the definitive determinant of when she's actually moved in? I need to know so I can calculate the move-in date and the amount of money I'm willing to risk.
S12 was a bit disturbed when he realized that I was staying the night. S told me later that it was because he was probably wanting to climb in to bed with her and nothing to do with me. Given that S isn't feeling well and S12 in the next room the bed frame wasn't stress tested further.
I suspect the reality is that S12 was disturbed because his mom is sleeping with another man that's not his dad. I'm sure it's happened before, but in my opinion, when you see that happen, it's time to excuse yourself and go home.
S showed me a text that she sent to her STBX letting him know that she was starting the divorce proceedings so that they "could both move on". Personally I thought it was kind of a d!ck move doing that on new years eve but is there ever a good time for it? One of her biggest worries is losing her medical insurance but she is armed with facts that it's not automatic for her to be taken off and in fact it's automatic that she'll stay on because she has a pre-existing condition.
That was a d!ck move on her part. And, the fact that she wouldn't be progressing with the divorce if you weren't in the picture bothers me. You're the OM. You're doing to her husband what was done to you. I know, he's not the best husband or dad, but I just don't think it's right.
I hope I haven't chased you away. I know that I'm not aware of a lot of the details of your relationship with S, but it makes me feel uneasy that she's still married and you're the catalyst for ending the marriage. Also, we need to get through this thread by the end of the month (using the Georgian/Julian calendar).
How much stuff does she already have at your house? What is the definitive determinant of when she's actually moved in? I need to know so I can calculate the move-in date and the amount of money I'm willing to risk.
One toothbrush and tube of toothpaste. One pair of extra warm socks. Some hair ties and pins. A fair amount of DNA in the form of long red hair that is "everywhere". A small bit of unfinished laundry. 4 storage totes of Autumn/Halloween decorations. 3 small tricycles. 1 storage tote of baby toys.
I suspect the reality is that S12 was disturbed because his mom is sleeping with another man that's not his dad. I'm sure it's happened before, but in my opinion, when you see that happen, it's time to excuse yourself and go home.
Touché. His dad is XH#2 but point still taken. S has told me and I have no reason to doubt it, that she hasn't slept with her STBX since she originally left and that they didn't co-habitate or sleep together when reconciliation was attempted. I am confident that the guy she dated 2 years ago did sleep over at her place from time to time.
That was a d!ck move on her part. And, the fact that she wouldn't be progressing with the divorce if you weren't in the picture bothers me. You're the OM. You're doing to her husband what was done to you. I know, he's not the best husband or dad, but I just don't think it's right.
A hit, a very palpable hit.
I hope I haven't chased you away. I know that I'm not aware of a lot of the details of your relationship with S, but it makes me feel uneasy that she's still married and you're the catalyst for ending the marriage. Also, we need to get through this thread by the end of the month (using the Georgian/Julian calendar).
It does raise an important point though. When do we actually determine that a relationship is over? I know that my ex-wife had her own opinions which were different than mine. I hung on and believed myself to be "married" presumably long past when she did.
Looking back - and I know this is supposed to be looking forward - CL who was just at the early part of her own process - wasn't free in her own mind and certainly held back. B - was enthusiastically single - or so perhaps she thought having been split from her H for about 2 years I believe - but still kept connections to her H and possibly has gotten back together with him.
S hasn't been a couple with her STBX since at least late last winter when they attempted a reconciliation. Prior to that I suspect that there was a bit of the "living apart together" thing going on where they would sometimes do things together and often not while maintaining separate households. She dated after leaving him about 5 years or so ago and had at least one serious relationship about 2 years ago.
What I think we're seeing here is what I have called in the past referencing my own ex "branch swinging". Hanging on to a past relationship until there is certainty in a new one. Is this actually the case? Impossible to tell and the women involved perhaps don't really know themselves. Is this common? I really don't know - perhaps others who have more history have an opinion. My own experience may be biased in that both B and S are living in less than ideal economic conditions. A woman with a full time job etc may not. Although my ex who did have the means to be self-sufficient also hung on to me well past departure.
My own personal opinion is that a relationship is over when there is no hope of reconciliation. This can be, again in my own opinion, a unilateral choice. Most of us here have had that choice made by our former partners. The actual legal status isn't necessarily relevant although it is significant. As is often said here, divorce is just a piece of paper. The financial ties are a bit trickier. But the most important one is the emotional ties being severed combined with a clear statement to the other person involved that the relationship is indeed over. S I am confident, did that 5 years ago - but then waffled.
Good points though and worth examining.
And it's only the 2nd of January so we may indeed burn through this by the end of the month. I'll need to make another batch of cookies for job.
It does raise an important point though. When do we actually determine that a relationship is over? I know that my ex-wife had her own opinions which were different than mine. I hung on and believed myself to be "married" presumably long past when she did.
The "we" that needs to answer when the relationship is over is a decision for S and her husband, not you and S. Remember the hope that you had that you could reconcile? How do you know that her husband doesn't have that hope? Put yourself in his shoes.
I don't mean to be a spoil-sport. Honestly it makes me uncomfortable to say those things, but it just doesn't seem right. Again, I don't know the details of your relationship, so maybe I'm prejudiced, but I think a policy to not dating married women would be in your best interest. I mean that, I think it would be in your best interest. If you get into another relationship, you want it to be long term, you don't need another disastrous ending.
Cookies?
Here’s the recipe for my favorite childhood cookies. These cookies have it all - they’re sweet and salty, crunchy and chewy. They can easily be made gluten free by substituting GF baking flour (I use Bob’s Red Mill), GF corn flakes ( i get these at the health food store, regular corn flakes are out because they have barley malt), and GF oats (regular oats can be cross contaminated with gluten so they must say gluten-free).
Ranger cookies: 1 cup butter, room temp (2 sticks). Beat with 1 cup white sugar and 1 cup brown sugar (I use dark). Add 1 tsp vanilla and 2 large eggs, mix thoroughly. In separate bowl, mix 2 cups flour, 1/2 tsp baking powder, 1 tsp baking soda, 1 tsp salt. Mix flour mixture into bowl with butter/sugar mixture. Add 2 cups corn flakes, 2 cups oats, 1 cup sweetened coconut flakes, 1 cup chopped walnuts. Drop spoonfuls onto baking sheet and bake at 350 degrees for approx 10-13 minutes until lightly brown. Cool on cookie rack. Once thoroughly cooled can be stored in Tupperware for up to a week. Makes about 6 dozen cookies.
Holy cow, I mean wow, Doodler!!!!!!!!!!! I mean OMG, with your comments. Oh, wait a minute, I think someone has hacked Doodler's computer, or at least his account here.
Seriously, very, very good points - I think even more so as when things come from me or the "regulars" it's one thing but when Doodler gets all serious it's something to really pay attention to.
Many of the same quotes Doodler pulled out, also jumped at me. However, since he's done a much better job than i could of commenting, and I'm sure his comments are taken much more seriously than mine, I won't add to them. I do think Doodler may just have missed one:
S acknowledges that in her last relationship that she rushed things and that it did damage to the kids and herself. She doesn't want to make that mistake again. S17 is still in therapy undoubtedly in part because of the stress of it.
Just read that a couple of times. This should really be considered - especially in an effort to keep history from repeating itself. I always feel for the children involved in any of these sitches, and yes 17 is still a child. S12 is also obviously expressing some signs and trying to get his voice heard. But the train still keeps barreling down the tracks.
None of us here know all of the details - how could we. But take Andrew and S out of the picture and plop in any two people and it's hard to argue that this all seems messy - really messy. Rationalization can always try to make it less so, but it's messy. And that text message on NYE - wow. Just remember, if they will do it with you, they will do it to you. I wish there was a way to slow this train down. Doodler?
Andrew,
Doodler and Don have made some good points here. My question is...if you are looking forward and not in the rear view mirror now....are you willing to take on all of the baggage that S is bringing to the table? Are you willing to bring her kids into your home and have them live there, if a move should come to pass? S and her son, both, have health issues and I'm looking ahead and I see Andrew taking on a boatload of issues that he may regret, if and when they move in and yes, 3 months from the date that they move in, you will be ready to pull your hair out because things will not be as neat and tidy as you are use to. The dog will be running your cats in circles and then some excuse will be given that the stairs are too much and the cats have to go, etc.
Andrew, right now, and I may be wrong, but those rose colored glasses are too rosy. Yes, S sounds wonderful...but really...do you want all of that additional baggage that will come w/S?
Just a few thoughts:
Why does dating her have to involve anybody moving in until her kids are grown? I think you'd be happier with your own place, for all the reasons posted above.
As for your son moving out - why are you in such a rush to have him move out? And why aren't you paying more attention to what may be mental health issues on his part? Kids today are not as independent as we were in my day (in part because financially it's a lot harder to make it today as a young person). I think your son actually needs more of your time. Pushing him out to make room for S and her sons to move in would be a bad move for your relationship with your son. I know you're frustrated with your son but don't underestimate the pain this divorce may have caused him. Carve out some quality time with him.
And her sending that text to her ex on New Year's Eve? Huge red flag, really. Says to me either 1) she's ruthless in a way that doesn't bode well for your future with her, or 2) she's still emotionally involved with her ex and wants to push his buttons to see if he'll step up to the plate and whisk her away or 3) she's still emotionally involved with her ex in the form of anger at him (remember, the opposite of love isn't anger but indifference).
Oh Andrew.
I have to agree with the others. What she did was a total D!ck move. It looks bad. Now she locked down a man who could give her financial stability, a home, and possibly insurance one day, she could finally let the ex go? And she had to tell him that on NYE????
And she is moving at lightening speed when she knows the last time she did that it caused damage to her kids???
It’s just not looking good on her.
Thanks job/kml/Ginger
I like to believe that I am aware of the baggage train that comes along and am accepting of that.
As far as waiting until her kids are grown - well - that's a minimum of 6 years or more. So - no. I'm not sure why her having younger kids should be a deal-breaker even if it is a bit more rare at my age. I also like kids. And these kids are a pretty decent set. S has done a pretty good job of raising them.
I don't understand why she did that when she did. Perhaps it was to get the ball rolling and any one time could be as crappy as another. I don't know. I am confident that she didn't do it to be callous and hurt him nor in an attempt at attracting him. She is as far as I can tell indifferent towards her STBX and has no desire to have him be part of her life in any way. Since they don't share kids, it's just a question of closing that door. Perhaps it's part of her clearing the decks for the new year and the earliest she could do it based on their attempted reconciliation last year. I don't know and have no interest in asking. It's between them and I'm not involved even if yes, I may have been a casus belli.
S25 had another interview today which he thinks went decently. He is "very" keen on being on his own and is in a much better place than he was when he moved home a couple of years ago. I think not having Dad around all the time when he has his own place will be a big load off of him as well. There is no pressure nor any correlation between him wanting to move out - which he's wanted to do for a long time and my relationship with S. There is actually lots of room for everyone here if that is the way that it would play out.
And she is moving at lightening speed when she knows the last time she did that it caused damage to her kids???
I think one big difference this time around is that the kids' opinions are being given a huge weight. They would have been a lot younger back then and - yes - people make mistakes. The boys especially are watching me like hawks looking for any inconsistency and regularly predicting doom to their mother. I think that they don't believe that there are decent men out there.
Despite the betting pool going on here, I honestly have no idea on time-lines. S stopped by tonight for a bit and actually mentioned that she also has no idea on time-lines. There are an awful lot of moving parts to consider. It could happen this summer, it could be a year or more. I really don't know and neither does she. Just because a destination has been discussed doesn't mean that the train routes are all planned
Anyhoodles - thank you for your kind concern. I do appreciate it even if - yet again - I appear to be pig-headedly ignoring you.
Oh - and job - you made me laugh with your comment about the stairs. That was a whole different set of weird going on there.
Hello Andrew
I had a few questions regarding imagination, creation, intentions - you answered them.
I like to believe that I am aware of the baggage train that comes along and am accepting of that.
As far as waiting until her kids are grown - well - that's a minimum of 6 years or more. So - no. I'm not sure why her having younger kids should be a deal-breaker even if it is a bit more rare at my age. I also like kids. And these kids are a pretty decent set. S has done a pretty good job of raising them.
Well done.
You can see a future, a heading, with S, her kids, and all the rest. It’s nice to see your convictions regarding your beliefs and regarding her.
I do agree that six years seems a little long. I also think 3 months is a bit short. But hey, it’s your choice of if. And your choice of when.
I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you’ve read my new post. Imagination is that first step in creation. It can also be a bit fanciful. Feedback, and a few reality checks are required to ensure one is not blinded by their own imagination and desires. For what it’s worth, I think you are seeing things reasonably clear and rationally. You are also seeing things with the right amount of irrational and infatuation. Both are needed for balance.
I honestly have no idea on time-lines. S stopped by tonight for a bit and actually mentioned that she also has no idea on time-lines. There are an awful lot of moving parts to consider. It could happen this summer, it could be a year or more. I really don't know and neither does she.
It seems she also has a similar imagined future. Maybe even a similar view of timelines.
Go slow and build well.
The discussion of you being OM and when relationships are over - yeah that’s a heavy topic. And has had me thinking for a while.
The "we" that needs to answer when the relationship is over is a decision for S and her husband, not you and S.
Relationships are not very cut and dried. When is a relationship ship over? When does a relationship start?
It doesn’t take a “we” to end a relationship, it takes one.
A relationship is the feelings, the commitment to the other partner. Each person has their own internal relationship to the other. There is also the joint relationship, which is the more public and open commitment and connection that is shown between the two.
When partner A ends their R, their feelings and commitment towards partner B, the joint R also ends. But partner B still has their relationship inside them. We’ve all been here. A person will be in their R until they decide not to be. They control themselves and we control ourselves.
It doesn’t take “we”; it takes that one person to end their side of it.
How about relationships with long dead loved one’s, like a Grandma or a Father? Obviously the other side ended their R with us, but we can still have commitment, feelings, a connection towards that absent person.
This also brings up, “ending” a relationship isn’t really accurate. Relationships change, they don’t completely end. Commitments end, the R becomes far less serious, and far less important.
Using me for example. My XW and I, have 30+ years of connection. I will always have a relationship regarding her held inside me; I acknowledge that. She will also have a R inside her; will she acknowledge that, who knows. We have kids, there will be marriages and other events which will bring to the surface our changed relationship.
Lots of people have strained divorce, bad relations with their X; others have rather amicable coparenting lives. In both cases there is a relationship, and much changed from the once married couple.
S, it seems, has a while ago ended her commitment to STBXH. Her relationship with him is much less and tends towards the “ended” side of the curve, although never quite reaching that point. Kind of like an equation (example Y=1/X) approaching zero. (And for you math geeks {Y€R | X€R, X<>0}
)
This is a bit of semantics and accuracy. However, seeing clearly does allow acceptance. I’m pretty sure you can accept her baggage, including past relationships.
To me seeing that relationships change instead of die, helps. In this case it’s pretty obvious that S’s relationship cannot be dead for quite a while - kids, insurance, finances, etc... Realizing there is a R and that it is changed, is better than looking for a ended relationship that can’t be.
DnJ
Relationships are not very cut and dried. When is a relationship ship over? When does a relationship start?
It doesn’t take a “we” to end a relationship, it takes one.
A relationship is the feelings, the commitment to the other partner. Each person has their own internal relationship to the other. There is also the joint relationship, which is the more public and open commitment and connection that is shown between the two.
DnJ,
What you've eloquently written sounds nice and thoughtful, but the fact is that both of them presumably took the "till death do us part" vow. It's my sincere belief that if the marital vows are going to be broken, then it should be decided by husband and wife without the influence of a third party. Is that how it works in reality? Not really, but I think moral high road is to stay out of other people's marriages until they've dissolved their marriage. Why do I feel strongly about it? It's because I've been on both sides of the equation.
I met my wife (now XW) when she was still married. She and her husband were having marital difficulties and financial issues. I heard all about her terrible husband. She said he was a pathological liar and he accused her of having affairs as well as a long list of other complaints. She pursued me, but I didn't think about the irony of the situation. She was beautiful and needed to be saved from the the terrible demon that was her husband. I went bonkers over her. I'd never been married and I never thought about the fact that I was the OM. I was simply doing the right thing by saving the damsel in distress.
But, you know what? After we'd moved in together, I told her that I thought it was wrong that I had dated her (and did the naughty with her) before she was divorced. I felt guilty about that. The years went by; we had a happy marriage, two boys, a nice house and nice cars. And then a guy came along. He was "just a friend." I remember one day back then, just before the "friend" came along, she hugged me at whispered in my ear, "You're the love of my life." A short few months later she was telling me that I was a narcissistic psychopath. That's when I began to recall her ex-husband, the pathological liar. That's when I realized I was now on the other side of that equation. I'd reaped what I'd sowed. I began to understand what her ex-husband went through. I felt very guilty to say the least.
I could go on, but you get the picture. My belief is that the morally correct and prudent thing to do is to NOT date married people. It's not worth the guilt that you suffer and the pain that you cause others. It's not right. I think marriage as an institution should be respected. In my opinion that means taking the high road and allowing the spouses work through their problems or get a divorce. In my particular case, I'd have a lot less guilt.
What would've happened way back then, if I told the woman that became my wife that we'd have to wait until after her divorce before I would date her? I suspect she'd have found another knight in shining armor who would help the poor damsel in distress escape from the evil villain that was her husband.
As always, I could be wrong.
^^^^^^ wow doodler. That is a pretty powerful story.
I am almost positively sure that my ex had told his OW that I was a an awful Un loving woman who was horrible to him. That when the baby came that was all I was about ( I heard this from someone else) which was absolutely not true because I was the one trying to keep the M alive and he began his A while I was pregnant.) but I am pretty darned sure that he told his W many untrue things about our marriage where she felt as if she was justified in doing what she did. And now she knows all that isn’t true and has to live with that.
If she had at least filed before you met her, then I wouldn’t think as much of it.
You are the reason why she wants the divorce now. If no one else came along, do you think she would have filed? Her ex is her back up plan and now that she found her knight in shining armor, she can let him go.
And probably why she asked you to not abandon her. Because she is letting go of her back up plan.
doodler - Thank you my friend. I had no idea of that part of your back story. It explains your strong feelings on this.
I appreciate you sharing that.
Relationships are not very cut and dried. When is a relationship ship over? When does a relationship start?
It doesn’t take a “we” to end a relationship, it takes one.
A relationship is the feelings, the commitment to the other partner. Each person has their own internal relationship to the other. There is also the joint relationship, which is the more public and open commitment and connection that is shown between the two.
DnJ,
What you've eloquently written sounds nice and thoughtful, but the fact is that both of them presumably took the "till death do us part" vow. It's my sincere belief that if the marital vows are going to be broken, then it should be decided by husband and wife without the influence of a third party. Is that how it works in reality? Not really, but I think moral high road is to stay out of other people's marriages until they've dissolved their marriage.
I could go on, but you get the picture. My belief is that the morally correct and prudent thing to do is to NOT date married people. It's not worth the guilt that you suffer and the pain that you cause others. It's not right. I think marriage as an institution should be respected. In my opinion that means taking the high road and allowing the spouses work through their problems or get a divorce. In my particular case, I'd have a lot less guilt.
What would've happened way back then, if I told the woman that became my wife that we'd have to wait until after her divorce before I would date her? I suspect she'd have found another knight in shining armor who would help the poor damsel in distress escape from the evil villain that was her husband.
As always, I could be wrong.
Doodler, thank you for your honesty. I don't think you're wrong. I think you're quite right, and statistics back you up on that.
50% of first marriages fail
60% of second marriages fail
70% of third marriages fail
As a species, we don't get better with practice; we seem to substitute one body for another, never stopping to change what we really can control - our selves, our perspectives, our shortcomings.
Look, I don't know the people in question, S and her soon to be exh # whatever, 3, is it?
I'm coming up on 5 years post BD and still not in a committed relationship, nor am I really dating, so take that into account. That's my disclaimer for this morsel I share:
I feel that after all I've been through, I don't want words. They mean nothing. I watch behavior. I don't pay attention to how someone treats me nearly as much as I pay attention to how they treat other people, how they handle various life events, most especially how they handle money and if they have kids, how they handle those relationships and how they handle their relationship with their ex. If she's doing this to her current husband, I would wonder how long it would take her to treat me that way. It's her behavior that's in question. She pursued you, Andrew, knowing she was married to another man. If it was really over and he wasn't her back up plan, why not move forward with the divorce once she realized she was really interested in pursuing something else with you. She could have told you very directly that she was interested, but wanted to be divorced before fully engaging with you.
From her husband's perspective, you are OM #?
Every relationship ends. Every. Single. One. Friendships, familial relations, romances.... In some cases, it's death. In others, it's a different kind of ending. How do you want to be treated at the end of this relationship? How is she likely to treat you based on her track record?
Just think about it.
But, that's just my view and probably one reason why I'm in no rush to be in a serious relationship.
Good Morning Andrew
Wow. This thread is going fill fast.
I also appreciate hearing doodler’s back story and position on this.
Doodler, sir I agree with you. The “till death do us part” vow is alive in me. That belief is so very slow to change; and in complete honesty, I’m not trying all that hard to change it. My own moral code, choices, and way I live my life is evident in my actions. I’ve still not dated and married women were never on the list. However, that is my code. Life, truth, reality, justice, faith, hope, love, etc... are not applied as black or white. Things aren’t as binary as I once saw them to be.
Yes, I do believe that it is better to not date a married woman. There are many reasons. But, that is not where Andrew is right now. I care about Andrew, like we all do, and this is his path. And I’ve smacked Andrew before with the OM 2x4. Besides Andrew is a smart guy, this is nothing he doesn’t realize.
Your perspective from being on both sides is powerful. I heard you, and listened. Thank you.
Andrew, I apologize if I am out of line or stirred things up too much.
DnJ
Andrew, I apologize if I am out of line or stirred things up too much.
Nope - we're all good. Commentary with context is a very powerful argument.
I still have trust issues and this has all given me much food for thought. And as bttrfly wisely points out it's not the words that people say, it's how they treat others.
The human condition is a complex one. Not easily distilled down into aphorisms. Including the one I just made
How people are motivated to act in the ways that they do, whether those actions are deliberate or not, is opaque to most. A 51 year old woman who has had struggles beyond what most have had to deal with regardless of how she ended up in those struggles is something beyond my experience.
It comes down to faith and trust. And as I mentioned, I have work to do in those areas.
There is much that I don't know. And by extension, less that has been shared here by me. Thank you all for your friendship and concern.
S25 got a job!!!!!
- Insert Dad and son happy dance emoticon here.
It's at the local ice cream factory. Warehouse work. A good solid family owned company that has transitioned to the next generation. They are very active in the local community and are nice people from what I gather. He's keen on it and was positive after the interview. He liked the people and the job sounded decent to him. He really likes the fact that there's a good benefits package including a very generous pension plan. It's Monday-Friday afternoon shift with occasional weekends during peak season.
I've talked to him for years about the difficulty that companies like mine have getting young people who are willing to look at warehouse work as a career so I think he went in with that attitude rather than looking at it as a temporary stop-gap.
One thing that I like - beyond the amazing bit that he's got a full time job is that with his schedule there won't be any conflicting traffic in the kitchen, bathroom or driveway. It's an about 45 minute commute in good weather. Certainly nothing much from my point of view, but he will undoubtedly plan on moving. It is close enough though that him coming to Supper regularly won't be an issue. Given that there is a rather large workforce in this town for the factory there is undoubtedly rental accommodation there although vacancy rates are really low in this whole region especially for modestly priced rentals. I expect him to stay here for at least a couple of months to build up a nest-egg and until he passes his probation period. It's something we've talked about before and it makes a lot of sense. There is no rush. It's not as if I have any plans to sub-let his bedroom after-all
I'm confident that he'll do well there. While the last couple of years with him here have been difficult as I've whined and complained about a lot on this forum, I'm glad that he's now in a place to make his own way in the world.
Getting back to the cookbook theme, the last of the Christmas left-overs are now gone. I mixed the leftover potatoes, turnip and some eggs and made a variation of potato pancakes. They turned out rather nice. From a country that invented poutine, this shouldn't surprise anyone.
Time to finish my tea, make the bed, shower and throw another load of laundry in. Then off for errands. I'm meeting up with S at some point to do joint errands but it's uncertain where or when. The parent of one of her childhood friends recently passed and I believe we are going to the visitation in her home town tomorrow. We may end up popping in for me to meet her Dad as well. Don't know.
Hasta Luego
Congratulations to your son on getting a job. It's going to take him a while to settle in and see what he is paid. Don't be too hasty in thinking that he's moving out any time soon. It may be a while because you generally have to have a first month's rent as well as the current month's rent.
Enjoy your day.
Congrats to S25! I’m sure that is a great feeling for him and a big step to him finally enjoying full independence with the loving support of his dad. I agree with job, though, that you shouldn’t start redoing his room just yet, as I would bet he won’t be looking to move until summer, at the earliest. Going back to some previous posts, that may coincide with S and crew moving in. Lol
I didn’t comment on any of that because I’ve been a bit preoccupied this week with getting married. I think you got some good advice and I’m sure you’ll make wise decisions. It sounds like lots of things are really going your way at the moment. Good for you! Enjoy your time with S.
Good Morning Andrew
That is excellent news about S25. Happy dance indeed!
Full time employment and a steady pay check is a game changer for people. It’s wonderful when our kids can stand on their own and make their way in the world. The transition from now to then will take a bit of time, and like you said there is no rush.
The 45 minute commute is no big deal; from a fellow commuter. However, to the uninitiated, its a big deal. All my kids didn’t like their commutes and was one of the reasons for them moving out. Hey, they need reasons, and that particular one kept me out of the limelight.
I finished all my Christmas leftovers for last night’s supper. it was mostly turkey, not sure how good a pancake that would have made. Lol.
Enjoy the day.
DnJ
congratulations to your son!
And her sending that text to her ex on New Year's Eve? Huge red flag, really. Says to me either 1) she's ruthless in a way that doesn't bode well for your future with her, or 2) she's still emotionally involved with her ex and wants to push his buttons to see if he'll step up to the plate and whisk her away or 3) she's still emotionally involved with her ex in the form of anger at him (remember, the opposite of love isn't anger but indifference).
So - it turns out I was wrong. That text was sent
to S by her STBX, not the other way around. And S believes that it was for pretty much all the reasons that you've identified kml. They've had lunch and talked about the process and will be getting together tomorrow to go through some of the stuff that she had left at his house.
We talked on the weekend about my discomfort being "om". I'm pretty confident that she understands my point of view and to a large degree agrees with it. Her reasons for not proceeding with the paperwork of a divorce are pretty normal and legit and she's stated them before to me. Why spend that kind of money on a very tight budget when things like food are more important. She was gifted some money by her Dad at Christmas which will help. I do agree with the consensus view here that if I weren't in the picture that she would probably not be proceeding. The text from her STBX was in many ways I think just testing the waters and stirring the pot as it were. To the best of available knowledge he's not actually moved on nor gotten another woman in his life. I actually can think of at least two other women I know who've never bothered with the divorce paperwork and have moved on years ago.
I'm believe that I'm finding that as time passes and things get more "normal" and more "real" that I'm thinking more critically about things. Not negatively, but gaining I hope perspective. I like to think that S is as well. We were talking - like we often do - while in the car on Sunday and her S17 is still being cynical and that I must be playing fake.
He is looking forward to my offer to build a rabbit hutch for him. S has put together a sort of habitat for the 3 bunnies, but without much in the way of tools or raw materials, it's pretty basic. Just a fenced area with some flooring she got at a second-hand shop. It takes up a lot of space in his room. I have a good sized pile of scrap lumber including some nice cedar 2X2s that would probably work well but will need his input on design and materials. Perhaps this spring we'll go to the workshop and knock something together.
I over-did it again on the weekend. I think in part because I was pushing to make room for a road trip with S on Sunday so I worked around the house on Friday night, got to bed late, up early Saturday to do more stuff then the afternoon with S helping her with stuff around her apartment. She had been intending to come over for a bit on Saturday evening but I asked her not to as I just didn't have any energy. She didn't quite understand until I reluctantly mentioned that I had just taken a shot of my nitro and was going to have a sit for a couple of hours with a good book. I did have a minor bit of chest pain which I did tell her about and we agreed that I should take it easy which I did for a couple of hours, then made dinner, got my ironing done plus a rather large stack of dishes. It was midnight by the time I got to bed but I did get everything done to free up Sunday.
I honestly don't know what I did to set me off. I wasn't doing anything particularly strenuous although I was going and going without much of a break. I had lower back pain as well which I get from time to time but don't recall living anything heavy. S is growing more aware of my limitations and I expect that future lists will be a bit more manageable so that I won't need to say no to her, something I find difficult. Other than the lower back pain, I was feeling OK by lunch on Sunday.
We did get our Sunday road trip in the afternoon and did a Costco run plus a lot of the talking I've mentioned above plus a bunch that's not worth going in to here. S was using some of her windfall to stock up on some items. While there I found some dishes I liked and picked those up too to make a possible setting for 12. When I got them home, S25 - who had had a crappy day and missed out on a Sunday supper (advance warning was given) - grumbled that he could see no world in which I would ever be feeding more than 6 people (we own 7 dishes). He did appreciate that I picked him up some stuff at Costco to provide for his lunches at his new job which he starts on Thursday.
Part of our road trip included a quest to find me a new aftershave. I've been wearing now discontinued Polo Red Balm since a bit after bomb day. While it never did attract back my ex-wife, S and others have commented that they like how it smells. It seems that post Christmas is a really bad time to try to pick out a new aftershave. The Polo was the suggestion of a good platonic female friend who went on a mission to find me an aftershave that was appropriate for a conservative mature man. The hunt continues for that.
I do get the feeling that we are moving in to a new phase. Where things are going to slow down as we navigate some of the more practical and every-day things. As we all know though, my track record on being right about things isn't that great.
On today's topic of eye colour, S has grey eyes. B had deep brown eyes. My ex-wife had blue-green eyes that should change colour depending on mood and I have hazel eyes that are predominantly green with a fair amount of brown I think that it suits my grey hair.
S25 got a job!!!!!
- Insert Dad and son happy dance emoticon here.
It's at the local ice cream factory. Warehouse work. A good solid family owned company that has transitioned to the next generation. They are very active in the local community and are nice people from what I gather. He's keen on it and was positive after the interview. He liked the people and the job sounded decent to him. He really likes the fact that there's a good benefits package including a very generous pension plan. It's Monday-Friday afternoon shift with occasional weekends during peak season.
Awesomeness on your son's job! That's a good way to start the new year.
My oldest son got a part time job back in December. He works 12 to 18 hours a week at a family owned restaurant. He said, "I didn't know it was so easy to make money." He has no expenses so he thinks he's a rich kid. I might have to borrow some of his money.
Part of our road trip included a quest to find me a new aftershave. I've been wearing now discontinued Polo Red Balm since a bit after bomb day. While it never did attract back my ex-wife, S and others have commented that they like how it smells. It seems that post Christmas is a really bad time to try to pick out a new aftershave. The Polo was the suggestion of a good platonic female friend who went on a mission to find me an aftershave that was appropriate for a conservative mature man. The hunt continues for that.
My Dad has always liked bay rum aftershave, and I do by proxy (it reminds me of my childhood). Although, I rarely use cologne or aftershave.
I am getting worried about your health. I think you are putting undue pressure on yourself trying to do everything at your home and then helping S out. Either you let things go at your home and do them during the week or your curtail doing some of the stuff at S's place. Andrew, you can't burn the candle at both ends and it's catching up w/you.
Please let your physician know how frequent your angina episodes have been lately. Feeling bad for many hours after an episode isn't really normal for ordinary angina and you may need further testing to make sure you haven't had a silent heart attack along the way or don't have a critical blockage which needs to be addressed.
^^^^^^ what the doctor said up there.the nurse has been thinking the same exact thing.
Congrats on your S25 job! That’s great! I wouldn’t expect him on his own too fast though, he’s got to learn how to budget and save first, and when people make a decent living for the first tome, they like to spend it because they think they are rich. Ahhhh, if they only knew
Andrew,
Please listen to kml and Ginger. This angina episodes are becoming more frequent and it's taking the wind out of your sails. This is absolutely nothing to play with...make an appointment w/your doctor today and get in there and have some tests done. It's too late when there is some serious damage done that you could have avoided by going in earlier.
Don't play around with this!!!!
I'm not a doctor (and no, I don't play one on tv), but I totally agree with the well-respected medical professionals in our midst. CALL YOUR DOCTOR. Don't make me come up there and haul your butt to the doctor because I will, Mr!
Appointment with primary care physician made for Jan 20th. Purpose, to review meds and discuss recent angina attacks.
You'll give me a ride right Dawn?
the herbalist agrees with the dr and the nurse. thank you for making that appointment.
Appointment with primary care physician made for Jan 20th. Purpose, to review meds and discuss recent angina attacks.
You'll give me a ride right Dawn?
Absolutely! I'll be there with bells on.
Glad to see the appointment made for the 20th.
Appointment with primary care physician made for Jan 20th. Purpose, to review meds and discuss recent angina attacks.
Isn't angina a girl thing?
Acute angina?
There is joke in there somewhere.
My goodness this thread filled up fast.
More cookies to bake Andrew.
I’m also glad to hear you’ve made the appointment
Exactly! That's Andrew's style. He feigns angina so he can make an appointment with Dr. Ivana Humpalot. She'll give him a complete physical. Andrew's a bit sneaky, but he's a righteous dude.
Today's Far Side cartoon - 2020/01/08/4 - so happy that Gary Larson or at least his publishers have gotten an official site up - is of a crisis clinic on fire being swept over a waterfall.
Welcome to 2020. I'm frankly terrified by current events and trends. Let's see. Australia is largely on fire. Americans assassinated an Iranian leader. Iranians have bombed Western bases in Iraq including one that Canadian forces were using. A plane crashed in Tehran killing 63 Canadians plus everyone else on board. There was an active shooter situation in Ottawa this morning injuring 3 people. Recent reading on manufacturing surveys indicate a solid down-turn in production which mirrors what I see from our sales reps. Debt levels both personal and corporate are at scary high levels and the trend continues. And the bank is harassing me to increase my own credit card limit probably because I never carry a balance these days (not bothering - the limit I have is plenty high already).
Oh - and my blood pressure was up this morning. Not too much of a surprise. I'm back to testing it morning and evening so that when I go in to see my doctor that there's a set of data for him to go by rather than the single data point at his office. And no - my female doctor retired a year or so ago and my new doctor is named Marc and not Ivanka :P
Positives. I still have my job and it looks fairly stable. I have a roof over my head and despite certain worries, my health is generally good. My son-in-law who is on deployment is very likely not in harms way. I am loved by family and a particular lovely woman. And many things that doodler posts still require me to google them in incognito mode so as to not cause the advertisements to start showing me porn or disturbing root vegetables. I do see an upswing lately in contact requests from attractive young ladies who don't see to be able to afford much in the way of clothes though.
A snowy and blowy day here today. Not a lot on the agenda. Our security protocols at the plants are undoubtedly being dusted off and we will be going up a threat level or two. It doesn't impact procedures too much as we keep the plants pretty secure anyway. I'll be off to see S after work today as I'm working from home. We'll probably be taking S12 to Karate and then going out for dinner as usual. His dad is supposed to do that but since he is still without a car we are doing it. He's pretty accommodating as is she about schedule changes / life stuff which is good.
Still a bit of residual pain - more like an itch that I can't scratch in the middlish of my back. My lower back pain is at a manageable level too. I'm keeping a close watch on myself. I just checked my calendar it it was almost exactly 3 years ago that I last had lab work done. I'm expecting the doctor to add a blood pressure med or jack up the strength of the one I'm on and perhaps schedule a cardiac ultrasound. Even though the snow outside probably won't be enough to warrant it, I'll plan on using the snowblower later today.
Nothing too much going on relationship-wise. S ended up going to her friend's parent's funeral on Monday by herself. She messaged me on the way back that she was starving as it turned out that as usual there were sandwiches that she couldn't eat there and the fast food place she stopped at was out of the only gluten-free item on the menu. I cooked her up a pork chop found some cheese and gluten free crackers and listened to her talk about her day. She said that it was nice meeting up with old friends, some of who she hasn't seen since high-school. One asked her if she was dating - to her in the context of - "did you find someone willing to date you" and they were rather surprised when she said yes. She hung out for a while and then went home.
I am glad that it was her STBX who initiated the divorce talk although he may well have not been wanting / expecting her to be in favour. I'd hate to think that she would be the sort of person that would pull a move like asking for divorce over text on New Years Eve.
S is coming over for the weekend again as it is XH#2's turn for S12. S17 likes to get the apartment to himself. We may end up driving S12 the 45 minutes to his Dad's place on Friday evening after I get back from work / he's done his basketball game. I might ask her to help with Sunday supper. There was pork loin on sale last week so I picked some up and she said that she has a pulled pork recipe that she likes using.
Been working through my 2020 budget working under the assumption that I'll be single all year. Some numbers have to be moved around to make things work. My spreadsheet goes back to 1992. Interesting to see how things have shifted and changed with of course the abrupt changes in 2016. My vacation budget looks like it's going to be sliced back so no big trip this year perhaps. Just some smaller ones. I'm going away to Niagara Falls with S and her family for a few days in early February to Great Wolf Lodge. Each person chips in a bit and it takies two rooms stuffed full of people to hold everyone. They pack food for all so it's a relatively inexpensive. They do it every year on S12's birthday. It should be an experience unlike others I've ever had. S I am sure thinks of me as family. She did nudge me on Sunday about meeting my brothers which I'd put off as everyone was so busy over Christmas. We'll be stopping out to "the farm" to see my youngest brother and my nephew on Saturday.
S will undoubtedly have an update this afternoon on how it's going finalizing getting the last of her stuff out of her STBX's house. There's two larger pieces that will probably end up here as getting them up the stairs to her apartment just isn't possible. There's some financial ties as well that she needs to sort out. I've given her the name of the person I deal with at my Credit Union that might be a bit more understanding and helpful than the regular banks. I have no idea what the scope of this is and am intending to have it stay that way.
Well - back to work for me.
Let's all stay calm and safe out there please.
Welcome to 2020. I'm frankly terrified by current events and trends.
Yes, there's a lot of bad stuff going on right now; it seems to be the human condition. The one abomination and atrocity that causes me endless irritation is the fact that there's a country, somewhere on this planet, that actually categorizes poutine as food. Not only that, they think it's good food and a cultural icon. How disgusting is that?
Oh - and my blood pressure was up this morning. Not too much of a surprise. I'm back to testing it morning and evening so that when I go in to see my doctor that there's a set of data for him to go by rather than the single data point at his office. And no - my female doctor retired a year or so ago and my new doctor is named Marc and not Ivanka :P
Be careful with little doctor Marc. If he snuggles up next to you and tries to convince you that you need a prostate exam, just say, "No thanks, maybe next time Twinkle-Toes." You don't want to be walking around like a cowboy.
By the way it's "Ivana" not "Ivanka." As in "I wanna" with a Russian accent. Did you know that Ivana Humpalot is Engelbert Humperdinck's love child?
By the way it's "Ivana" not "Ivanka." As in "I wanna" with a Russian accent. Did you know that Ivana Humpalot is Engelbert Humperdinck's love child?
Humperdinck's wife once said that she could paper their bedroom with all of the paternity lawsuits that have been filed against him. He was successfully sued for paternity by two women during the 1970s and 1980s
Sad news. It turns out that one of the people killed in the plane crash in Tehran was a sweet kid who used to be a colleague of mine. Her husband and family were still living there while she pursued her career in the chemical industry here in Canada. It's rather a shock at how ephemeral things can really be. And how important it is to cherish those around you when you can. We were never close but she would always brighten my day with her bright smile and cheerful disposition.
Time for a wander - new thread.
https://www.divorcebusting.com/foru...flat&Number=2879456&#Post2879456