Cheesy's Slice - 11/07/18 07:41 PM
No longer a newcomer! But so much has happened since my last update.
Link to the beginning of the journey - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...ain=59663&Number=2692751#Post2692751
Link to most recent update on newcomers 08/2017- http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...ain=60212&Number=2750814#Post2750814
I’m back because I feel like I need this forum again. Not for any specific reason, I just feel good being here and writing stuff out. I can’t say I have any major problems, every day stress, work, family, school. I feel happy. Since my move to a new state in 08/2017 I got a job, I started school, I ran my first half marathon. I continued to become more “me”. I am feeling lately as though I’m less me again, maybe that’s why I am back.
Divorce was official 11/2017. Mediation was rough, the back and forth, the money. Everything. It was not easy but I was so glad when it was final. I did not attend Mediation in person, I called in. I didn’t see the need to spend the money to fly back and see her face. I can’t recall much anymore…seems like ages. I do know, I didn’t cry, I do remember feeling sad but nothing major. I went out and celebrated with a friend after, drank some margaritas. All was quiet until….april 2018. I noticed exw unblocked me on fbook. I mentioned this to my cousin oh who is my age and moved to my city, (her husband and my ex went ww at the same time, he came back around 09/2017, heartbroken from the affair woman, but that’s another story. Cousin and exw had some sort of contact this whole time) at any rate, my cousin mentioned exw had posted a heartfelt update that was since erased talking about how exw wished “someone” a good life and happiness, something cheesy and some long regretful apology. Cousin assumed it was for me, who knows. A couple of weeks later exw reached out. We chatted, I asked a million questions, didn’t get an answer to everything. I have some emails between june and july and I’ll summarize.
Ex wife, is sorry for how everything happened, she wished she would’ve handled things differently. ExW wanted to call off D in mediation, but I never showed up, exw claims she cried that whole day. ExW felt as though she was “lost”, and has been feeling lost since BD. ExW wanted to take it back every day, but didn’t know “how”. ExW wanted to go to counseling. ExW though I moved on. ExW cried a lot, drank too much. ExW feels just as unhappy if not more than before. ExW said she never told me or reached out because she was under the impression I had moved on, that often I seemed so composed and strong and “cold” and detached. Exw mentioned she visits a therapist once a week. Exw said she’d never been single, she wanted to try it. (it’s yet to happen). Exw wishes I never moved.
In reference to emotional A with OM, she was just looking for “attention” (over text) -that I didn’t provide because I was busy running the home and working – exw sees that now. She’s sorry.
In reference to OW- ExW still cannot admit that OW from school was after her the whole time, won’t admit it was an affair, but It makes no difference now. I told exw she’s not naďve or dense, she knew and ow knew what she was doing. ExW and OW dated on and off, OW is bipolar, OW has a lot of health issues, OW is an alcoholic, exw said relationship is somewhat toxic. OW son is a jerk, exw can’t stand him. Exw mentioned on more than one occasion she behaved badly toward son…this made me laugh. Let’s see, ExW said it was hard to leave OW because all of her “friends” were pushing her toward OW and giving their two cents to leave me (even though they knew NOTHING about me, only what lies and venom exw would speak of me – some friends eh?!) they fought over me, this also made me laugh, I guess OW though I was still In the picture. Overall, they didn’t have a good relationship – so my exw made it seem BUT they are dating again.
Re to her being crappy in regards to money over D – exw felt backed into a corner, that I wanted half of the home and she had no way to pay me, felt as though she might have to sell the house because of my “ridiculous demand of half”. So exw basically tried to give me the least possible so she wouldn’t have to sell the home and uproot her child. I did note to her I had to uproot but she didn’t seem interested in that fact. Basically anything she did was in “reaction” to me, I did things because I had no choice, but to each their own.
In reference to her child – I can’t say I feel anything. Exw mentioned she enjoys “parenting” but that it’s hard to be one full time. Exw said she drinks a lot, and works “too much” to pay the bills… but that she’s focusing on her parenting & she’s doing great - I pointed that out no real reply.
In reference to the fam – mother has als, dying, I was the only person she wanted to talk to and help her through, but I didn’t (obviously). exw has the load of the bills, exw’s brother doesn’t help, he’s pretty absent. Exmil is deteriorating quickly, wife makes an effort to help and spend time with mil often.
Overall, sounds like exw has a lot on her plate, though her therapy seemed to be helping, the fact that she’s yet to focus on herself without alcohol, or relationships and is now back in a “toxic” one tells me she hasn’t learned much. Also, pretty much all the re writing history, she re wrote it the first time we re spoke, everything bad about me, she told me was good etc. exw said she just said those negative things about me because she wasn’t thinking and was lost and hurt but that looking back now she see’s how great and blah blah I was. I guess I can say, If I wanted, we’d be together. It’s not what I want, the fact is still, too much damage was done. Exw is still a completely different person, seems the same or worse than without me. ExW always said she felt as though she was holding me back, I can say I’m 99.99% sure she was. I really enjoy my life, it can be better, as they all can but I’m at peace with this D.
I made ittttttt.
Link to the beginning of the journey - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...
Link to most recent update on newcomers 08/2017- http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...
I’m back because I feel like I need this forum again. Not for any specific reason, I just feel good being here and writing stuff out. I can’t say I have any major problems, every day stress, work, family, school. I feel happy. Since my move to a new state in 08/2017 I got a job, I started school, I ran my first half marathon. I continued to become more “me”. I am feeling lately as though I’m less me again, maybe that’s why I am back.
Divorce was official 11/2017. Mediation was rough, the back and forth, the money. Everything. It was not easy but I was so glad when it was final. I did not attend Mediation in person, I called in. I didn’t see the need to spend the money to fly back and see her face. I can’t recall much anymore…seems like ages. I do know, I didn’t cry, I do remember feeling sad but nothing major. I went out and celebrated with a friend after, drank some margaritas. All was quiet until….april 2018. I noticed exw unblocked me on fbook. I mentioned this to my cousin oh who is my age and moved to my city, (her husband and my ex went ww at the same time, he came back around 09/2017, heartbroken from the affair woman, but that’s another story. Cousin and exw had some sort of contact this whole time) at any rate, my cousin mentioned exw had posted a heartfelt update that was since erased talking about how exw wished “someone” a good life and happiness, something cheesy and some long regretful apology. Cousin assumed it was for me, who knows. A couple of weeks later exw reached out. We chatted, I asked a million questions, didn’t get an answer to everything. I have some emails between june and july and I’ll summarize.
Ex wife, is sorry for how everything happened, she wished she would’ve handled things differently. ExW wanted to call off D in mediation, but I never showed up, exw claims she cried that whole day. ExW felt as though she was “lost”, and has been feeling lost since BD. ExW wanted to take it back every day, but didn’t know “how”. ExW wanted to go to counseling. ExW though I moved on. ExW cried a lot, drank too much. ExW feels just as unhappy if not more than before. ExW said she never told me or reached out because she was under the impression I had moved on, that often I seemed so composed and strong and “cold” and detached. Exw mentioned she visits a therapist once a week. Exw said she’d never been single, she wanted to try it. (it’s yet to happen). Exw wishes I never moved.
In reference to emotional A with OM, she was just looking for “attention” (over text) -that I didn’t provide because I was busy running the home and working – exw sees that now. She’s sorry.
In reference to OW- ExW still cannot admit that OW from school was after her the whole time, won’t admit it was an affair, but It makes no difference now. I told exw she’s not naďve or dense, she knew and ow knew what she was doing. ExW and OW dated on and off, OW is bipolar, OW has a lot of health issues, OW is an alcoholic, exw said relationship is somewhat toxic. OW son is a jerk, exw can’t stand him. Exw mentioned on more than one occasion she behaved badly toward son…this made me laugh. Let’s see, ExW said it was hard to leave OW because all of her “friends” were pushing her toward OW and giving their two cents to leave me (even though they knew NOTHING about me, only what lies and venom exw would speak of me – some friends eh?!) they fought over me, this also made me laugh, I guess OW though I was still In the picture. Overall, they didn’t have a good relationship – so my exw made it seem BUT they are dating again.
Re to her being crappy in regards to money over D – exw felt backed into a corner, that I wanted half of the home and she had no way to pay me, felt as though she might have to sell the house because of my “ridiculous demand of half”. So exw basically tried to give me the least possible so she wouldn’t have to sell the home and uproot her child. I did note to her I had to uproot but she didn’t seem interested in that fact. Basically anything she did was in “reaction” to me, I did things because I had no choice, but to each their own.
In reference to her child – I can’t say I feel anything. Exw mentioned she enjoys “parenting” but that it’s hard to be one full time. Exw said she drinks a lot, and works “too much” to pay the bills… but that she’s focusing on her parenting & she’s doing great - I pointed that out no real reply.
In reference to the fam – mother has als, dying, I was the only person she wanted to talk to and help her through, but I didn’t (obviously). exw has the load of the bills, exw’s brother doesn’t help, he’s pretty absent. Exmil is deteriorating quickly, wife makes an effort to help and spend time with mil often.
Overall, sounds like exw has a lot on her plate, though her therapy seemed to be helping, the fact that she’s yet to focus on herself without alcohol, or relationships and is now back in a “toxic” one tells me she hasn’t learned much. Also, pretty much all the re writing history, she re wrote it the first time we re spoke, everything bad about me, she told me was good etc. exw said she just said those negative things about me because she wasn’t thinking and was lost and hurt but that looking back now she see’s how great and blah blah I was. I guess I can say, If I wanted, we’d be together. It’s not what I want, the fact is still, too much damage was done. Exw is still a completely different person, seems the same or worse than without me. ExW always said she felt as though she was holding me back, I can say I’m 99.99% sure she was. I really enjoy my life, it can be better, as they all can but I’m at peace with this D.
I made ittttttt.