So at the end of the last thread I was doodled by oiled nuts and rotations.
It's the game to always be the last poster on any thread. last post last threadAll threads by VanillaAbuse thread with Zelda
I have nothing to say today.
Just getting by.
That's okay. Sometimes, we don't have anything to say. Just take care of yourself.
((V)) - One day at a time.
^^what he said
Yes, please take care of yourself V. I don't talk much anymore, here or there, but I think about and your sitch still. The diet and exercise even concerns me at times, but I don't know all the details either, i trust you will find your way there. Afterall I know the struggles with weight and body image very well, I get it.
I hope you are well though and getting more sleep!!!
I do take care as far as I can.
Sleep is elusive sometimes, I monitor it. At its worst I slept an average of 2 and a quarter hours and then the very occasional 24 to 36 hours!
Nowadays I average just under 6 hrs a night with some nights only 1 and a half hours. I have tried to work it out and now just flow with it.
The weight and body image is a struggle to me, strangely the aging isn't. Life has been kind to me on the aging process. Very kind, to say how I treated myself through the G phase from start to finish! I ought to look like baby Jane. I have been so lucky in my aged pa genes.
But it's about keeping on trucking and keeping on keeping on.
I still examine my open sore issues, many are practical ones, such as fixing a lock, getting a broken piece of jmy mothers ewellery fixed. And getting some beautiful clothes mended or altered.
I have found dancing to be good for my spirits and I stopped watching tv and use YouTube and music instead. I dropped my newspaper as my heart broke with the waste and damage. One day may be I will be stronger on it.
Fogg, you are one of the most amazing and wonderful dads that I know. My heart fills with joy when I know you connect with your two precious (and so so cute) children. Thank you for being in my life and for the support and understand that you extent to an eccentric English lady with crazy curly hair and oddish attitude. We share a love of learning with study and the body issue thing and exercise resistence in common. If I had a solution then I would share it but I don't. Know I care deeply about you and admire the path you are on.
((V)) - One day at a time.
Thank you Andrew
And Job too.
Dawn if you come to read V thread, let me know you are ok.
Now I know my lovely Dawn is ok. I fret, it's my way.
I have found dancing to be good for my spirits...
Dancing is exercise
Have you tried yoga?
I would go a few nights a week if I had someone watch my D10. I also have difficulty sleeping. When I do yoga, I sleep WELL. Not only that, it makes me feel good about my body. I have some body issues too. But when my body FEELS strong and healthy, I appreciate more how it looks. I have even, (embarrassingly enough) cried in a yoga class. Well, teared, not cried. I am able to release some really pent up emotions.
Just keep going!
And I will tell you, and do what you will with it, when I stop trying to work so hard on my "open sore" issues and take a break from the "fixing". It's usually just the break I need. Trying to always better ourselves gets exhausting, and sometimes we need to stop and appreciate ourselves in the moment.
I have found dancing to be good for my spirits...
Dancing is exercise
But it's so much fun!
How can exercise be fun?
Thank you Ginger, last few times I tried yoga I got migraines so gave up. I do Pilates instead although that keeps me on the loo a lot.
I have found dancing to be good for my spirits...
Dancing is exercise
But it's so much fun!
How can exercise be fun?
I so, so get this. I used to **hate** the thought of exercise. I would even actively go out of my way to avoid it, and I was kinda entrenched in that viewpoint and proud of that too.
I did walk a bit. And I thought that say, walking back from town to my flat (about 45 minutes) was a big walk. I would do it, for sure, but I thought of it as a bit f a trek.
I suppose I did like *some* things, like dancing, yoga...and I didn't think of them as exercise.
Now? I think I'm in the mindset where I'll try most things. I don't know how that's happened. Maybe it's something to do with not caring if I'm 'good' at it or not. I used to be a bit of a perfectionist, really heavy on the self judgement and self criticism.
Don't get me wrong, it's very much baby steps and I like doing things very gradually as I don't feel that I have that much confidence in my own physicality (yet). Like I've been out cycling a couple of times now and am only just starting to get into an almost decent sitting position on a bike (I get stressed out if I'm sitting in the saddle and I also can't put my feet on the ground as well). And I'll go a slightly longer running route if it means avoiding running past building sites or groups of workmen, etc. So, baby steps...yes.
Maybe it's been this whole D process that has helped this, or gifted me this
Hey Lady V!
Just doing a wellness check.
Just checking in, sweet Lady V! It's been a busy week leading up to vacation so I've been on and off but wanted to be sure to pop in and say hello.
Thank you Andrew and Dawn for checking up on me.
I haven't checked in lately because I am dealing with an issue that isn't resolved. Don't be concerned it isn't me, I am fine. A close friend in my DV group has been seriously assaulted by her ex (can't give details as this would identify her and put the group at risk).
She has two kids affected that we are trying to find a foster home placement approval. It's taking a lot of my time and I am visiting my friend daily in hospital.
Please pray for K and her children.
Sending love and prayers.
So scary. You're a good friend V.
Keeping your friend and family in my thoughts and prayers.
Arrrrggggg!! I am angry and sad. That son of a *^&&^&*..
Let me guess.. he snapped and now feel sorry for his actions?? May God have mercy on them all..
V, i am so sorry .. I wish i could lay a hand and take those children in. I often think of opening my home to children of abuse/ unhealthy environment. What stops me is the adults that i would have to deal with. If i would be kept separated from them, i would do it in a heartbeat.
Sending you strenght, love and prayers to you and your friend! Xoxox
My God! What an absolute b@st@rd!!!
Prayers and love to all xoxoxo
Thank you exquistetobe and bttfly.
K woke this morning. We will need to wait to know how much if any brain damage has been done.
She will need several operations on her face and eye socket. The bruises are awful. He smashed her head against a brick wall several times. Told the police she pushed him and he pushed her back and she banged her head.
But she has a broken nose and cheek bones, smashed jaw and severe cuts on the back of her head.
But I was able to hold and stroke her hand.
She is in pain, a lot of pain. I am crying with the futility of it all.
I hope and pray that she will press charges and he's locked up for a long time. There is no way that she hit her head accidentally. I can't even imagine the physical, emotional and mental pain she is experiencing. I am keeping her in my thoughts and prayers.
It is things like this that make me embarrassed to be a man. And frustrated that I couldn't intervene.
There are just things that as a MAN that YOU DO NOT DO.
Sending much love across the pond to you and your friend.
Oh V ... I will send her distance Reiki if you'd like? xooxoxoxoo and to you as well xoxoxo
((( V )))..
Love, Strenght and prayers for you, her and everyone else in your group.. i know everyone has been touched by this ..
I shake my head in disbeleif that people can be so cruel yet i know those monstefous people are real..
On the road to recovery... you are in our hearts!! Xox
The police have already pressed charges job. They are after ABH or attempted murder.
Yes please to the Reiki, for both of us.
Sadly Andrew this is something both men and women do, it's not exclusively men. And there are lovely men like Andrew in the world thank goodness.
Thank you all.
Oh and this abuser is a commercial L.
I have no words...none.
Such utter, monstrous cruelty. Unimaginable.
Yes I know.
My smashed heart is rebroken. The pain is awful. And I feel very selfish as it isn't my pain but K and her boys. It seems so indulgent to suffer this way.
I am hoping that my higher spirit sees a purpose for this, but we must be positive as the negativity won't help anyone.
Time to put away the tears and start to contribute to the healing process.
Why do you feel selfish?
Empathy comes from people being able to relate anothers suffering to their own.
It is easy to imagine, that yeah it could have been you or a close loved one. . As a result, one might be more cautious, but also offer compassionate help from the heart. It makes you human to feel like that.
It is very scary how people treat each other.
Hi Lady V , Jujub is 100% correct, you care and also your own sitch had the potential for a similar outcome.
My thoughts are with your friend. We don't live in a just world and some people's capacity for harming others is disgusting.
Take extra care , Rd
I am so sorry V. How horrific. Quite honestly, I hope he goes to jail and is tortured there so he can get a taste of his own medicine.
I pray justice is served, your friend recovers and she and the kids are safe away from that monster.
Thank you ju, rd and ginger.
K woke and saw her children today. It has lightened my soul.
Tonight I am meeting another member of our group who is in distress as her exh accused her, her mother and her father, sister and brother in law of sexually molesting her daughter. Yes all five of them together in a cult. Social services have put the daughter in care.
This is the man who was regularly drugging his wife, taking photos of her and selling them over the internet. He was charged and jailed for it.
You guys wouldn't believe what goes on in some households.
I am so sorry for all the turmoil, sweet lady. I will continue to keep you (and your friend) in my positive thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself and your friend. Much love from me and Molly!
Hey V, hope you are well.
Horrible recent back story. No need for me to add to it but I am sure your friend has the right person by her side.
I don't know why the world is just so unfathomable sometimes.
K is gradually getting better she will be relocated with her boys as no one wants to go back to the house, she can't afford the rent anyway so we are going to pack up into storage.
Thank you Surfer for your kind words.
much love to you, K and the boys Lady V - xoxoxoxo still sending reiki your way !
Thank you bttfly, that is so so comforting.
Dawn much hugs.
How is your friend and her family doing? I hope that she and her children have been relocated to a safe place. You are a loyal and special friend to her and I thank the dear man upstairs that you are there for her and her children. Aged Pa would be so proud of you!
Thank you for asking job, K is sitting up and feeding properly.
Her bruises are at their worst but the swelling is going down. She has been interviewed and photographed.
She hurts and is distressed that her boys will see her like this, but to me it could have been much much worse. She passed out quickly and wasn't kicked so it's her head and face that have taken the brunt on the attack.
She could have died or suffered much worse brain damage, the para medics were amazing.
They are being moved on Wednesday.
I am glad that K is sitting up and is now eating properly. Yes, it could have been far worse for her. I'm sure she is in pain and the bruising looks terrible...but she will heal physically...but, it's going to take a lot of love, support and therapy to help her heal mentally and emotionally. I'm sure she has a wonderful support system and you are there to provide the love and support that she and her boys need.
Sending prayers their way.
All is quiet on that front, now and K and the boys are relocating.
I have to let go of it now.
I fell over in the car park at my gym and broke a bone in my foot and that means I won't be able to exercise or dance for at least 6 weeks. I have a boot.
I failed one of my exams too and that has brought me down. I will resit it.
So today I am feeling low, and as result of stress I have put on weight which is annoying since I can't exercise.
I am so sorry to read that you've broken a bone in your foot. Gosh, that really put a stop to some of the activities that you love for a short period of time.
Please do not allow the failure of an exam to bring you down. You'll take it again and will pass with flying colors.
Vanilla...you are too hard on yourself. You are a good person and you have to slow down just a wee bit. Someone upstairs is trying to tell you that...take time to breathe and slow down. You will get everything accomplished and be able to say "I've done it!".
Agreed! From someone that does similar. Its not easy to live with someone that sets such difficult standards to meet.
Be kinder to yourself. You are the person that helped a mom and her kids even though it was traumatic and emotionally difficult. Not the person that gained a few pounds cause of an injury.
Sorry to hear about the broken foot V but am glad to hear that you are now able to focus on yourself.
Weight goes up, weight goes down. The you inside continues to be you.
Perhaps time to experiment with different recipes? I made my very first from scratch salsa yesterday. Tasty and likely low cal as I generally refuse to add sugar unless absolutely necessary.
Be good to yourself ((V))
Job, Ju, Andrew
You are all so kind. I am binge watching stuff on bone and healing.........
Cleaning up my diet. Bone broth, nutrition, juicing etc.
I have gone keto with extra protein. I used a 35% arnica cream and my whole foot is now a bizarre bronze colour. Funky.
All sorts of supplements. Upper body workout is on the cards it is such a tiny weeny bone break. Uggggggg
And I was starting to date too. That's set me back.
It feels like punishment!
Andrew I love Salsa, the sauce and the dance.
Oh no, Lady V! Like someone before me said, maybe this is a sign to slow down and take a breath. I'm so sorry you are enduring this and feeling down, but dear lady, you are just so fabulous that you deserve to show yourself some love. You can use this time that you can't exercise to focus your energies on other things.
Hang in there, sweet lady. This too shall pass.
Hi Lady V, sorry to hear about your fall, I've broken a few toes myself over the years and it hurts !!!! Your weight issues and your feelings about them are very valid to you BUT most people won't notice so try to to worry to much while your recuperating. Andrew Ps comment about ' the inside ' was great and very true. The exam result is something that ypu can easily overcome and will do.
Give yourself the time to heal. The dancing will be there waiting for you.
Take care , Rd
my cousin says the size of the package changes; what really matters doesn't ... sorry about the break, but i think job i right - try to use this down time to rejuvenate xoxoxo you will kick @$$ on the re-sit.
much love xxoxoxo
Hope the foot is on the mend. Do I smell Salsa?
Hey there Lady V - just popping my head over the parapet to see how you are doing? I'd have brought you tea and cakes but the latter aren't really allowed on a ketone style diet I believe.
Gotten some of your mobility back?
Thank you Surfer and Andrew.
I have spent my energy healing my foot, sadly it may be some time before I can dance possibly 1p weeks. The boot was driving me crazy, so 16 days in I took it off. Completely and am the barefooter!. In 16 days of boot use (And knee trolley,) I have fossilized. It's crazy. In both feet and ankles so now I am doing flexibility exercises as if my life depended on it. I went to see a specialist sports physio who has said I am good to go on cardio with the following: spinning swimming, cross trainer, rower and trampoline. No heel strike like running, dancing or pylo. Pilates yes, yoga no. Body pump (No dynamic lunges) yes. Inflammation is way way down. Bone is healing superbly well. My eating is excellent, lots of supplementation. I love doctor on the run and iron ankles., I joined both sites. Also went on 5:2 And was a hostess last month. I have a stand to put up for aged pa tv and then I can project my exercises to the smart tv.
K and the boys have left and there were a lot of triggers for me in that brief period. It's taking me a long time to calm down even though the boys were amazing and were so calm and easy to look after. The big house is peaceful and I am ok. I still have to sell though.
My energy is not at it's best at the moment.
RD I guess your breaks were bike adventures? At least you can still count to 20 if you take your socks off? All pinkie present and correct?
Thank you bttrfly I intend to kick @ss. Going to try a sauna tomorrow see if I can get some R&R in!
My lovely Dawn you always know exactly what to say to heal. It's like kissing the poorly spot better.
Andrew thanks for checking in on me.
So glad you are on the mend!
Hi Lady V, ypu sound so positive , thats great , onwards and upwards. Yes , i ve broken all the toes on my left foot and two on the right. Motocross for the left foot , road racing for the little toe on the right and i broke the the big toe on the right by swinging out of a concrete post the night before my now 24 years old sons baptism in Somerset!!!!
Take care , rd
Hey there Lady V - up and dancing again I hope?
Has anyone heard from V lately outside of here? Her last login shows as early in the month. I hope she is dancing and living life to the fullest away from here.
Andrew thank you for checking in on me. So kind and thoughtful.
I confess to some low spots of late, a reaction I think to my involvement with K and the boys together with a couple of abused newbies I posted to triggering a little.
Rehab is going well of the ankle, I am exercising the best I can. Sadly no dancing yet as impact exercise is NOT ALLOWED at all. So no running or any of my usual antics. I don't know if I mentioned it but I took up Parkour some time ago so this period has helped with building more up body strength. I am quite the little monkey and moving towards full body pull ups.
Back to weight loss and following the old plan of fasting and juices to get my blood sugar under control, it worked last time, no reason why not again. Lots of water and bone broth.
I invested in a new pressure cooker to help make soup. I had a soup maker but didn't like it much.
Other than that the G has been seen in and around my village, many times. I hope that doesn't mean he is back in the UK. Really irritating.
RD broken toes! I thought it was from kicking @rse....... I hope life is doing well for you and your fantastic family.
Thanks for checking in V. From here it looked like you had dropped off the face of the earth so I was worried.
For me I find that more and more I have little to offer, especially to the newbies on the board. It's been some months since I last posted to one or followed their stories. I am sure that they appreciate your kindness and insight but I also fully understand how it can be triggering and a reminder of your own trauma. Like they tell us when we board an airplane, we all need to remember to take care of ourselves first.
I've not used a pressure cooker before. I have a crock-pot which is indispensable to me which I use for soups and stews as well as roasts.
I do hope that the G is only passing through or that he was a mirage. I'm fortunate in that my own ex is I believe afraid to encounter me. Not that she has anything to fear from me other than the truth.
Thanks again - get well, and perhaps some Scottish Adonis may cross your path when you least expect it.
Thank you Andrew.
Life is very full, no time to think about anything other than healing, working and survival. I need a short break from the board and holding to surviving. That's all I can do for the moment.
I cry most days these days, just tiredness and general fed up.
The very old boiler at the Big House failed and is being replaced, the cistern cracked and leaked. Life is tough as it's going to cost a great deal. Its overwhelming to me., and means working extra hard.
I am still using a fasting regime to finish off the weight loss, hopefully it's the home straights, sadly be a use of stress my body is very insulin resistant at the moment and blood sugar is far too high. Its the Warburg effect.
Foot is healing.
I cry most days it's like a dam has broken.
((V)) Be kind to yourself. A break to focus on what is important will undoubtedly do you good. Look me up if/when you feel like coming back.
A break is what you need in order to focus on you and what you need to do to survive I am sorry that some of the things in the Big House are breaking down. Hopefully, you will be able to get them all fixed and back up and running in no time.
Please take all of the time you need. We will be right here waiting for your return with open arms. Please take care of yourself.
Hi Lady V, i sent you a quick email and and dont feel you have to reply but it was just to let you know i ( amongst many others ) are thinking of you.
Take care , Rd
My lovely Andrew, it's great to know you. How kind you are to an eccentric lady V from the UK!
RD, sweet sweet special Irish dad in a million, I replied to your email. Your kindness means so much to me.
Job I need a little peace but in due course I will be back of course. I need to regroup and recover.
Vanilla my lovely, as long as we have breath we have hope for better times. I too have been crying more lately. I think in my case it's because I just went through two months of intense purging, hard physical labor of constant packing and moving that was extended because I had to also work full time and had a deadline. So .. lots and lots of 'go go go get this done' and now, the aftermath.
You've had triggers from your friend's situation, remember, and sightings of G in the village are going to set that off even more. Money worries are no joke. I've had a few myself lately. Do what you need to do to replenish yourself body and soul. We love you and are here when you are ready and able to come back xoxoxoxo much love my dear V xoxoxo
Sending positive thoughts, prayers, and sweet puppy kisses and tail wags from me and Molly. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do for yourself.
Sorry to hear your still upset, it's tough when things decide to crumble and break with your house.
Just bite by bite like eating the elephant
Thank you my lovely lovely GG.
Amoung the peeps I have known here you someone I have wanted to get to know off the board. Is that possible?
Dawn pats to Molly and hugs to Dawn.
At the moment I am deeply down, I am sure it's just the last phase of Kubler Ross.
Sending you positivity : )
Sending positive thoughts your way. I hope you feel better soon!
Hang in there Vanilla..
One day at a time, one task at a time.
Hi Lady V
Just stopping by to say hello and checking in this space.
Lots of love
I'm not sure how to get to know people irl. I would love to know you off of here, you seem like such a genuine person.
I know others do it... but I don't know how.
Given we are in different countries it's hard to see how one could take advantage of any one.... irl
We aren't allowed to share personal information here...but many connect on Facebook using their posting name here and putting DB behind their name.
I was just thinking, hmmmmmm have not heard anything from Vanilla for a while. So then I looked it up and wow, it's been two entire months! I hope you are doing better but either way it would be great to hear from you V!
Thought I would offer an update for my friends here who I don't meet offline (Yes GG there are lots of us roaming wild out there!). And some are lifelong friends. There is a sense in which we share our souls, thoughts, joys and fears. We share our internet friendships and the broken side of us, our dark nights of the soul, our burdens, we learn the wisdom of crowds.
I am so, so grateful for all of you who have helped carry my burden and let me share yours.
I had a flood at my house, broke my ankle, did some studying.
And healed. Really truly healed, back to the point where I date or not as I choose.
I have lost the last remaining weight to target (that's 85 lbs over 4 years) and I feel like me again. Plain Vanilla no more.
There is GAL, so much beautiful wonderful GAL, and men to kiss. Recommended GAL and kissing.
Yes, I am looking for a lover for the rest of my life. There are choices to make in loving ourselves first, we can be very very choosy in who we pick.
This board saved my life and sanity and released me from a very bad abusive marriage. For the lurking here, the raw truth in my posts reveals that my abusive M should not be saved but the target should.
I needed a break from the board to finalise my healing in my peace. There will be a return by Lady V, that is my internet promise to pay it forward. There are peeps in pain.
Thank you Focus, Job and Don for checking on me, and my lovely GG we will find a way to connect. Jellyb you lnow my love for you anyway, needs not be said. Exquisite we laugh together anyway, beautiful lady.
D@mn edit button still doesn't work.
Thanks for the note V. I've been thinking about you and am glad to know you are ready for the next chapter. Happy trails and looking forward to crossing paths again down the road!
I am glad you returned for a visit. So happy to read that the healing process has taken hold and you are feeling much better.
Wishing you a beautiful holiday season! May 2019 bring you much happiness.
You sound great! Here's to new adventures in 2019!
So glad you popped in to let us know how you are. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. May 2019 bring you all the wonderful and amazing things you so richly deserve.
I've been enjoying watching your adventures on FB. You look like you are living the good life!
your big house is becoming a lovely, warm and beautiful home..
In a funny way, one day at a time, like your house, our lives are gradually blossoming...
We encounter surprises, road block, helpful hands and we progress slowly but we progress.
I am happy for you. I am thankful that you can dance again. I can tell how much you love dancing!
Keep it up!! You are doing so well. Sending Much love your way!! xoxox
I found this thread just today, and I wanted to stop by to tell you that I am so so happy for you! You deserve all the joy in the world, ten times over.
When I was hit with my sitch, there were many days that I wanted to curl in a ball and die. When I came to this site, you were selflessly supportive of me. You provided me with wisdom and advice that honestly helped save my life.
Thank you V. You're the best.
Great you are back V! Thank you for been there.
Zues great to hear from you, I do read your threads too, I haven't posted but I wish you well.
Job, great peace to you too. Dawn, lovely lovely Dawn, blessings at Xmas. Ginger1, it's true I am having lots of fun and despite all it's good.
Exquisite I love dancing, I keep watching you grow to your freedom and joy, being released, so so proud of you.
Joe responded on your thread. Neffler thank you.
Good to see you back V! Life is good on my end and hope you are doing more than well
I just love you guys.
Happy Xmas and everything
The best way to say it all:
Merry New Years!!!!
Happy Holidays! Hope all is well with you and the new year brings you peace.
Happy New Year
Lovely to hear from you Maika, smiling for you.
I need peace......
For those who like stupidity and to laugh:
The G is outside my house in a car, sitting still. I would not have known unless I went to put rubbish in the bins.
It's a cul de sac.
It's 2 pm, my guests all go out stand at the end of the drive and stare at him.
His car is pointing the wrong way, so he had to go up the road and turn around! All the while my guests (not me) are staring at his car. I have a recording.
Wow...stupidity indeed, V. Or maybe just plain old crazy. Either way, glad to see you post. Happy New Year, Lady V!
Glad you are safe V and had people around you when that happened.
Have you invested in security system?
What is wrong w/that man? I can't even imagine sitting in a car and having a bunch of people come out of a house and just stand there and watch me sitting in a car. That is just so crazy. I am glad you have people there when this happened and made a recording. This could be considered stalking. He is just plain stupid to do something like this in this day and age.
I do hope you have a security system in your home. Be sure to walk around your vehicle and home periodically to make sure that he's not tampered with anything. This is just plain creepy.
Please take care of yourself.
Your G make my blood boil !!
I am so happy you are ok and have a great circle of support.
Keep journaling his behavior around you and keep everything in a safe place.
It is not with the intention of blackmail, it is in case he cross the line and act out.
Make one of your closest friend aware of the location where you keep those records.
Most important, do not show him fear. Keep living your life to the fullest.
The more people there is around you, the better.
May this year be a peaceful, joyful year with the perfect man for you whom you are the perfect woman for him..
Happy New Year V.. xoxox
So sorry to read this V. That man is a total nutjob - although I'm sure you already knew that. Do you have a restraining order out on him?
the h3ll? what a freak! glad you weren't alone V xoxoxo
Do you have a restraining order? If not, could you get one? They're not worth much against violence (as in, they can commit violence before the police come) but it can get the police to arrest him once they do show up.
Please start a new thread and link your threads together when you have a chance. Thanks!
First post next threadfirst post next thread
Courts won't give me a protective order, dipstick donuts brain lives in Italy. He isn't a threat.........
Well only at Christmas.