25, I absolutely love this analogy of change being like child birth!
My brother lost his son as well, and I do not believe anything compares. I look at their pain, and tell myself I can get through anything as long as it's never that.
Agreed. I'm so terrified of that loss that I can barely name it, let alone "go there".
I have heard people compare the loss of their cheating, lying, manipulating, spouse to the loss of a child. And I don't believe it's true at all. I think when our spouses leave us, it's tough because our egos are involved. I will take the bruised ego.
First, YES you are correct about the loss of child being too much.
I mean, do I have to say that in a new way? God, let's hope not.
So rather than delving into how horrible it would be to lose one of our kids, let's just agree that it's the worst. And move on to what we are dealing with.
Second, Yes our egos are among the biggest factors in this.
Obviously - changes to our daily lives, can make it feel as if our worlds are turned upside down (and for awhile, they are).
It'll seem as if our futures as planned are gone, our present lives are radically altered, and our past memories which used to give us joy, are now tainted by the painful knowledge of what came next...(or doubts creep in about our past, "what was really happening then??"...)
Everything from where to live and go, what we DO for our lives, with whom, to the mundane, who will fix the broken thing, pay that bill, walk the dog, cook tonight, go with me, ask me how my day was, care about my idiot boss, join me in the project, what are we watching on netflix tonight?
To the more serious - Who will help me care for my ailing parent, or see our child through their latest tribulation? Will our children be more likely to divorce their spouses? Will they have issues in their relationships related to this divorce?? And their kids??
The ramifications of a divorce can look endless...
THEN I stop myself and ask, how much of this^^^ was knowable anyhow? How much was guaranteed to be problem free, or predictable? Our spouses could have left another time, or we could have, or a crisis takes one away.
Point being, our partners could stay with us and then die...and if they had died,
what then?
Would we really lay down in a fetal position for long, and say "it's all over for me",?
Not likely.
This ^^ is where our egos come into play. This is where I think we have to eventually, go.
Healing and moving forward are really hard. But for me, it's the letting go of the "I'm rejected" piece that is tripping me up. My ego has taken multiple hits the past year (the health issues were not helpful) and that is something I'm not sure how to approach.
In MY HEAD, I have decent self talk. But there's something not quite clicking for me in my heart yet. The urge to date has appeal but I already know it's at least in part, a bandaid for what I just confessed. Ego.
But For many of us, losing our spouses ends up being similar to losing a tumor we have become attached to. But yes. It's a painful process.
Happy Independence Kml. This was a nice post to read.