Well, to update. I never got to perform my duet with AM this Saturday. I got sick Friday, slept 12 hours but wasn't up to it Sabbath morning. I texted her and told her she was on her own...which is no problem, she's used to doing solo's. I felt bad cuz she'd asked me to sing with her but what is is. She texted me back telling me to "drink lots of water, rest and pray". She called me later in the afternoon to see how I was feeling. Sunday we chatted in the morning, she was at her cousins place and they were at an Easter service (Adventists don't celebrate Easter). In the afternoon I went to my Mom's for Easter dinner...she made a nice veggie loaf for me and ham for the rest. We had a nice time. Monday the girls and I took their mother out for her birthday dinner. I'd had a fight Friday with my eldest daughter as I was trying to explain that I don't have the money to be paying for dinners etc. She said "Well, Mom paid for your birthday dinner" and I said "and she makes 40 thou more than I do" Saturday we made up and the girls agreed to pay for part of the dinner. I shared this stuff with AM on Saturday and after we'd talked I decided to settle things with daughter. I'm not good at carrying anger around. I thanked AM for listening and told her that it was hard for me to share my sitch with her...she replied "Awwwwwww". So that's it for now...life goes on.
Welcome back Wii - now stop being a bad boy, behave yourself and follow the rules!
BA
Absolutely, no more funny videos...I've learned my lesson!
Wi did u tell her that u like her yet?
Like she doesn't know that already. I'm gonna ask her to wear my pin on Saturday lol.
In all honesty, I don't think anything is happening here. I've offered to take her on an outing to touristy like places and she's not following up. I think she likes hanging out in a group and chatting...that's about it. Obviously she has some kind of attachment to me as we text and talk frequently more so than she does with other church friends which is nice. Yet I don't even know whether she's someone who is relationship material. I'd need to spend some one on one time with her so, for now, it is what it is. Btw, she's told me her age and it's younger than I thought...she also has an 8 year old daughter (which someone else told me about). So my job is to enjoy our interactions and not make too much of them. There are other fish in the sea.
That said, it still felt pretty nice when she texted me good morning today asking how I was feeling. I told her better and I'd gone to work and she told me to "take it easy, drink lots of water and remember to breathe" I felt cared about.
Wiiii dont assume that she knows that you like her in that way. Go to ur nearest bubble gum machine and get a ring and ask her if she wants to go steady. If we could read minds...
Maybe I'll just do her in a pew...that's always a good way to find out lol. Seriously, all I want is to spend some time together and see if there's something there but she hasn't responded to my invitation so that's that for now. We can talk and text and sit together in church but if we don't do anything just her and I then I'm kind of stuck. My friend Agnes drove me home from church tonight and asked me if I felt AM was being "aggressive" towards me. I said that we talk and text four or five days a week and seem to initiate about the same amount. I said since I've been sick she's checked in with me pretty regularly to see how I'm feeling ...which is nice but I don't see that as aggressive. So, as usual, I dunno!
Had an interesting discussion with AM tonight. Apparently she is the single mother of twins and doesn't want to discuss it any further. "I want to keep this private" uh ok. I just said that if she ever felt she wanted to share more I'd be willing to listen. She said "thanks but I don't" I said that's fine...no prob. She's also planning to adopt another child...a boy who apparently has no parents in her village. Wow! She has a good heart anyway. It sounds to me like she feels a lot of shame about being a single Mom. Her kids live with her parents. Anyway, she told me about her best friend and I shared about mine. It was at least a step forward anyway.
She told me she was a single mother of twins, they are 8 years old, stay with her parents and she's planning to adopt another child soon. I asked their names and that's when she told me "it's a secret" so I said "your kids names are secret? What are they secret agents for the government lol." She said that she likes to have some secrets and she doesn't discuss her children with people "it's my private life and I don't discuss it with people" she said "you will never see their pictures on FB...only my nephews" OK. She was nice about it and didn't seem to be upset but...strange!
Wii - realistically - is she someone you would really want to be with? She has kids at home that she doesn't want to talk about, plans to adopt another, is much younger than you - now you've learned - even younger, and doesn't respond to your date requests?
A friend, perhaps - but texting does not make a relationship. And you indicate that is what you want.
Sometimes we spend so much time & energy chasing the wrong dream and it keeps us unavailable for the right one.
Just my take on it. Have a nice Saturday.
Barb
I have those thoughts too Barb! Today, after church she asked me to take photos with her. So I hung around after her ladies chorus practice and suggested we go out for lunch. It was a nice day and I had nothing to do. She didn't respond but babbled on about other things. A friend was going to drive us to her place and drop me at a bus stop. I suggested again that we grab something to eat at the plaza near her place...again, no response. So we dropped her and I went to my stop. When I got home I found she'd texted me four times about plans for next week. Agnes has invited AM and I over for dinner after church and our singing engagement at a nursing home. I texted her "I'm confused. I asked you twice to grab lunch together and you ignored me. I don't understand this behaviour. Please explain. I'm feeling rather hurt and embarrassed right now." She responded right away. "OMG, you were really asking me?" I said "Of course I was!" she said "I thought you were being funny!" I said "why would that be funny?" She said "I'm so sorry". I said "Next time you can ask me 'cuz so I don't have to feel stupid anymore! Btw, I need to know if you have any issues with me that need to be talked about? I'm dead serious." She replied "Nope, I'm OK." So, that's that. As for wanting a relationship...I don't know and have never said that is what I want. I just want to get to know her to decide whether I do or don't. Even friends have lunch together! I very much enjoy talking and texting with her and we have fun when we're together in groups but I don't know about how it would be to know each other on a different level. So, I'm just backing off and leaving it as is. I'm also quite pleased that I confronted her behaviour rather than just passively lying back and avoiding her. Small step forward lol.
Btw, my meaning above is that I plan to invest nothing more in this...obviously she has some issues 'cuz I don't believe she thought I was joking. I'm not an idiot! I'll be her friend and initiate less contact with her...we'll be pew buddies lol.
...and I have messaged a couple of women over the past two weeks. I wasn't putting all me eggs in this basket lol!
Well, can you guess who called me to tell me that she really did think I was kidding when I asked her for lunch. She told me that dating in the Philippines is so much different than here...and I missed a lot of it cuz she was talking fast. She told me that Agnes thinks that her best friend is her bf now...and she thought that was pretty funny. So anyway, we chatted for a bit and I told her I was going to the park with D21 so she said she'd text me later. OK...whatever.
...she told me where she's from you don't go anywhere alone with a boy. Interesting.
Can you guess who texted me this morning asking if I'd like to hang out with her this afternoon? She's doing a cleaning job but will be done about 3 pm. This never gets boring anyway lol!
Its her comand of the Canadian English limited? Dating someone from a different culture can be interesting. My GF is a native from where my parents are from. Even though I have some familiarity with the culture the dating thing is very different. My GF doesnt understand why Ilove cooking. I do my own laundry and iron my clothe. I let the dish washer do the dishes. Lol. I clean the house and do most repairs. She may not be clear as to your intentions. May be you should be direct if that is what u want. No more tango.
AM is toast...never even got to the place we were meeting before I pulled the plug on her. This is my last post on this topic. Please no advice on what I should have or shouldn't have done...don't need that right now. Just need a little time to process the latest attack of the crazies! Later DBers.
OK, I lied.
Today I decided to send AM a text. I'm not good at ignoring people or pretending that bad things did not happen. I told her my decision regarding our "friendship".I don't believe it's right to just leave things lying.
"Hi AM, thank you for respecting my request not to contact me. I have been thinking about what happened and have made some decisions. I still think of you as my Sister in Christ and will care for you in that way but I do not feel able to continue as friends, at least not for now. Sadly, I do not feel that I can trust you anymore. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. Thank you for allowing me into your life as it did mean something to me. I'm just sorry that it turned into something difficult for both of us. See you on Sabbath."
Her reply
"I hope you are well. A huge thx for the message. I appreciate it. You don't have to worry about seeing me again as I'm not returning to the church and I have quit my present position so may be working elsewhere. I will keep in touch with Rita and Agnes by phone or visiting them. Thanks again for everything."
My reply
"I"m glad to hear you're leaving that job. I'm sorry to hear you are leaving the church...I really am! If I don't see you again I wish you all the best and hope we can pray for each other. Ingat AM."
That's that...I guess. I'm tired...and sad...but whatis is.
I've had my cry...I'm gonna miss her
((((((wii)))))). Everyone wants love, no matter where they are from. You are going to find her wii, just believe in that.
kat
Wow Kat, I did not see these feelings coming on...I can't stop bawling tonight. I guess what I can take from this is that I do have a place for someone in my life again. Before this I was alone and ok with it but when she came along and began filling that void I didn't realize existed it felt damn good! I wanted it. Knowing I will probably never see her again...even if she is nuts, just broke me down tonight. Wow again. I just don't get why she did what she did...I don't get it and it's caused us both a lot of pain. Lesson 2 When a woman gives you her phone number...throw it away lol.
Wii, I don't what "ended" it, but I do know that people come into our lives for a reason. Were you ok before, sure but I think you ignored that little hole in your life. You got to know her better and you let her in even if she wasn't really letting you in.
She let you know that you are ready to love again. Maybe you won't need to work so hard to just get the flame going the next time. Maybe you should date a British girl next time. I say that because that is part of your heritage and maybe there won't be so many crossed signals. Aaahh you love who you love,what doi know?
kat
Remember here, she was the one approaching me, offering me her phone number "in case of emergencies ha ha ha", telling me she didn't want to be alone on Friday night, crying on my shoulder...and Sunday I find out that the guy she's been telling me is "just a nice friend" is her long term boyfriend! She lied to me and to my friend Agnes too...she didn't just leave stuff out...she lied.
...and I don't want to say anything more about Sunday because it really hurts right now.
Hey Wii,
First off - I'm sorry for the pain & loss you are feeling. I know the last thing you want is advice. But I'm going to give some anyway. Because I don't think you would be putting it all out there for nothing.
I've said it before & I will say it again. Dating outside of your culture is different. You have experienced it time & time again. The confusion, the mixed signals. You write it off as "their way" but some of is not that. She was hesitant from the very beginning. She told you she had secrets. She seemed to want a friend.
There were so many similarities here to MM (I think it was her but they are melding together right now in my mind). The distaste for the employers. The life she left behind in the Phillipines. The need for. "rescuer" of sorts. Each of the relationships (I think there were 3) started out with a lot of mixed signals, a lot of "different" dating roles (different from our culture) & much confusion for you.
The sad part here is that she has now lost her church & group of friends. I'm not sure exactly what happened because you've left out chunks of the story but it is clear that she has a life in the Phillipines that she plans to return to.
My suggestion at this point as you want to fill the void in your life is to be very clear on what you want. Do you WANT to take on someone else's children? Even if they are thousands of miles away - they will eventually be part of the picture or else part of a woman's emotional baggage. This one stated she wanted to adopt. How did that make you feel? Did you want to eventually be part of that? If not - you should have ended it then.
I urge you to try dating someone with a similar background to your own. I think you have it in your head that it would not work but there are thousands of single women out there and I'm sure the right one for you is among them. Maybe you can take a class - photography, perhaps? Where you can meet women of diverse cultures - not just Adventists.
Time to take stock of your dating from the last 3 years or so.Try not to repeat the same things that have caused you grief. Mainly - misreading signals & trying to build from there.
I'm not trying to beat you up here when you are down but repeating the same patterns is not working and I hope you can see this better now while it is still fresh.
Short term pain for long term gain.
Incidentally - I cried harder & more intensely when my short term Rebound relationship ended than when my marriage broke up. I, too, had read far more into it than was actually there. I think I grieved most for "what could have been" than for what I was actually losing. Can you relate? I also recovered quickly, too, when I out it all into perspective.
Feel better, my friend. There is someone out there who will love you as you deserve. Keep on, keeping on,
Barb
Thanks Barb...I just haven't had time to even process this yet and therefore advice just doesn't register. Feeling somewhat better today...had a nice long talk with my Pastor. It helped.
I wont give u advice either (not). We in the helping profession hate it. But im sorry you went through this. I dont know why what happened to us happened. Inlike to think there was a purpose. And you dont need an answer today or even tomorrow.
i am very much like u. Always ending a painful experience with a joke or a smart ass remark or a LOL. I am still growing and learning.
What she did was not ok and u deserve better.
Tonight at Bible study, the couple in front of me turns around and the wife says "Hi Whatis, how's AM?" Holy [censored]! Pastor also told me that his wife had been commenting that AM and I seemed to be getting rather close. Yup, that's a small church.
Lastly, Adventism is not like he likes country and she likes rock n roll...it's bigger than that kind of difference. There are many things that make dating non-Adventists a difficult situation. Actually, Pastor and I discussed it tonight and he said it's something that just gets harder, not easier when you marry outside the faith. I don't expect anyone to understand that here. I'm not saying I'd never do it but I would prefer to meet someone who shares my faith.
Hey, maybe I should go for conversion therapy where I can chant "once you go white it's pure delight" until I become attracted to white women lol. I dated an Irish woman once for about four months...she dumped me 'cuz she said she didn't love me, it was just lust. I couldn't understand why that was a problem lol.
Good morning. Just want to say that I have been processing this in my mind. My mind is a little calmer since talking with my Pastor last night. I had a role in what happened. I'm not a complete innocent victim here. I had indications and warnings that something was not right here but I didn't want to be embarrassed by putting it out there directly and I liked the feeling of having someone contacting me and validating me...it felt nice. Sure, I asked her a couple of times to explain her behaviour putting her in a spot that she was unable to respond to properly but I never said "I need to talk about this..." I could have been more direct. I'm sure she just legitimized her part by telling herself that nothing was really happening and why venture into uncharted and maybe embarrassing waters for both of us. So we both just sailed on. Anyway, all I'm saying is that I was not an innocent victim here but made choices that added to the inappropriate way she let me know...but I pushed her to that cuz I wanted a conclusion. The reason she asked me on Sunday was because I told her that I would not be asking her to do things anymore...if she wanted my company she was going to have to ask me. She did...and now I know what the truth is...that's what I wanted, wasn't it? When I met with Pastor I told him that i realize that my view of what happened is probably coloured to make me look and feel justified and I'm sure she has a different perspective. I said the reality is probably somewhere in the middle. So anyway, I could have done things differently too. 'nuff said for now
Now, that said above, she was the one in a relationship and had the most obligation to make that clear. I was operating on false information which she propagated. So I'm willing to own up to my part but not all of it! Anyway, enough of that. What is is and we learn from it. The Lord has delivered me from probably a much worse fate!
So, it was mentioned that I should look outside Adventism for partners and/or connections. I don't think people really understand why that's an issue. I became much more aware of this when I had dates with a couple of women in December. It struck me that there were issues in this.
1) Adventists are Sabbath keepers. We observe Sabbath from sundown Friday until sundown Saturday. During this time we do not cook, do chores, make purchases... I don't buy coffee at Tim Horton's, I would fill my gas tank the night before, and I cook meals on Thursday for Sabbath. there's more but you get the idea. We, as Adventists, spend much of Sabbath with each other or doing church stuff together.
2) We believe we are the remnant church...which means through Ellen G White's visions God gave us a special mission on this earth and you can't just in good conscience run to another church 'cuz it would be good for your relationship if you believe in that mission.
3) We are largely vegetarian and those that don't still eat meat sparingly. We do not eat pork or shellfish. Our meals together e.g. potlucks are vegetarian. We believe in the health message God sent through Ellen G White.
4) although many of our beliefs are the same as other Christian denominations many are not. We do not believe in an eternal hell. We believe that death means sleep until the second coming...no one goes to heaven before that. We believe in the sanctuary where Jesus is preparing a place for us, we practice foot washing. We don't wear wedding rings or jewellery....etc.
There's lots of stuff that makes inter-denomination relationships extremely challenging...not impossible, but difficult. So in my mind I would like to find someone who will share my beliefs and practices ...someone who will share Sabbath School homework with me (we do homework each evening), who will understand our practices and not just put up with them. Pastor says it gets harder and harder not easier. So, that's my lengthy but still very incomplete explanation for why I would prefer to have a relationship within my faith. I adhere to our practices and it matters to me that whoever I choose to share my life with is on the same page. I know that goes against the "all religions are one..." and "tolerance" camps preaching but what is is and that's where I choose to be. It may change but not today anyway
A year ago (and this Sabbath it will be a year), when I returned to the Adventist church I felt like I had come home. I am an Adventist.
Btw, I forgot to mention that we do not celebrate Christmas or Easter...it's ok if you want to but the church does not recognize those dates as they are not in the Bible. Also, an Adventist Pastor is not supposed to marry an Adventist to a non- Adventist. It's ok to be married within the church, for the Pastor to take part in the ceremony but he is not to marry...someone else must do it. I'm not saying I agree with that but it again shows an area of difference.
OK, I'm done.
Wii - Now that you've explained it, I do understand the desire and benefit of dating within your own religion. Thank you for sharing that information as I learned about 10 times more about the beliefs and practices of Adventists then I previously knew. While refining dating to within your own faith certainly diminishes the available dating pool, the upside clearly is that if you find someone who shares the same beliefs and lifestyle as you, then you don't have to ask them to make adjustments to their life in order to accommodate your belief system. Plus they get to share in something that is vitally important to you and a very large part of your life.
I'm sorry about what happened with AM, but I guess better to have discovered this now versus much later. I think it hurts so bad because she was someone you were really attracted to and often the things we want most in life hurt the most when we end up not getting them - at least that's how I'm wired. Cue the playing of Nazareth's "Love Hurts" Ok - my two cents is over!
Enjoy Sabbath and your weekend!
BA
Nazareth! Devil's music lol. Thx BA, there are Adventist dating sites out there so it's worth looking into...maybe not right at this moment but I know they're there. I came to Adventism through my last girlfriend and honestly fell in love with the faith. I devoured the writings of Ellen G White and SDA Lady used to tell her friends I was a better Adventist than she was lol. Anyway, thanks again and Happy Sabbath to you too
I went to see my Psychologist today to check in and review the latest episode in my life. She said, in regards to AM, "Speaking as a mental health professional...I think she's nuts" she then said "C'mon, you're thinking that too, right?" and I said "Absolutely!". It's funny, my friend Agnes was a psychiatric nurse for a few years and she said to me last night "I think she's a little nuts". Pastor said to me on Wednesday "do you think she might have some mental health issues?" Well, at least it's not just me thinking the cheese is not firmly planted on her cracker...speaking as a mental health professional, of course lol.
I also told her I was trying to process this and figure out how I could have done this better. I said maybe if I had been more upfront about things that would have helped. She said "Whatis, you liked her. Do you really think that she would have been honest with you anyway? I doubt it. You recognized there was something wrong, you backed off, you set boundaries with her and when the lies came to light you treated her respectfully and actually lovingly. You handled this as well as any man could have and probably much better than most" She said she realized that in my faith we consider each other family and I did her that service. I told her "I actually texted her and told her that if she was staying away from church because of me, not to. I told her that I would be fine, that the world had not ended and that I needed distance from her right now. I said that this is her church too and she is part of our family. I told her she didn't need to reply but I asked her to think about what I've said" My Pastor said he thought it would be ok for me to do that. I'd said to Pastor "she didn't crucify Christ...she just lied to me and I can work through that" Sure, it would be easier for me if she didn't come back but she's my sister in Christ and we need our church and our fellowship. I said I couldn't be her friend but I saw her as part of our family and she should be here. Weird maybe, but Pastor understood.
At one point I said to Psychologist that I hoped she realized that secrets can now be harmful and Psych. said "you don't really think she's processing this do you? I think she's just cut and run and will probably repeat it somewhere else" I think she's right but time will tell.
Anyway, that's that for now.
Wii: I don't like what I'm reading here. You both made mistakes. You admitted that. You were interested in her & despite many warning signs (I saw them & repeatedly mentioned them) you chose to persist & pursue. Yes - she sent you some mixed messages but all along - I think she wanted a friend.
She withheld information and that was wrong. But it was also her prerogative. Did she cheat? I don't think so. Did she lie? Perhaps by omission. But I think that's all she did.
She had much more to lose than ou. And she lost it. Her church. Her group of friends. I think that is sad.
She is an Adventist by culture more than by choice. You have chosen that religion but it is not your culture. You can't change someone's culture.
It's your choice how you proceed and what your religion is just as we can choose our friends. But your dating experience within that culture has been a real roller coaster for you.
I honestly think your psychologist was telling you what you wanted to hear. As always - I'm pretty blunt. But I feel sorry for her as well as for you.
I just hate to see you repeat the same patterns that didn't work for you in the past.
Offered up as your friend
Barb
Well, this never gets boring. Today Agnes told me that she talked with AM and in the conversation the topic of AM's relationship status came up. Agnes asked her whether she had a boyfriend and she told Agnes she did not. Agnes asked why she told her last week she did and she said "I just made that up...I don't have a boyfriend" Okkkkkk.
And Barb, it is sad. I've done my best to mend it...the rest is up to her. I could go on arguing with you till I'm blue in the face (or my fingers fall off) but I won't. You have your viewpoint...I respect it and ponder your points, but I don't agree with a lot of it. That's cool, we're on this site to hear other points of view. Onwards and upwards.
Well, that makes it more bizarre. And if she truly does not have a boyfriend but made it up. That says a lot more.
And does that make her nuts? Sure does sound it to me.
Sad all the way around - agreed.
The rest we can disagree on but that's ok. And - I wasn't there - I respond to what you write.
Time to move on...
Barb
Barb, there's a lot of stuff I haven't posted about her behaviour. We weren't in a relationship so I didn't think it really mattered. That's why when I sit down with others and tell all...they think she's nuts. I won't delve into anymore of it but there are lots of other things she's said to me and others that just don't add up. It's just very sad and I will continue to pray for her. So, as you said, it's time to move on... and hopefully learn something from this.
Words of wisdom on dating from my best friend, "At our age the best you can hope for is to meet somebody who's f@cked up fits well with your f@cked up and you live happily ever after".
My kids are going with Voldy this summer to Hong Kong for three weeks. I'm happy for them that they get to see their family but at the same time I'm sad. I've always had a dream to return to Hong Kong and take a million photos of life there! Hong Kong is an incredible city. It's a unique blend of east and west and holds so many things that are just Hong Kong. I'm remembering all the places we'd go...the street markets and vendors...the all night market in Mong Kok, the Peak, Stanley Beach, Lantau Island, the Harbour, walking up Nathan Road as far as I could go back. I always referred to Hong Kong as my second home. I have a photo of my daughter when she was four sitting at the harbour and sketching. She brought her sketch book and did sketches all over HK! She left it in a taxi in the New Territories. I'm still sad about that. I love looking at that photo of her sitting there with her legs crossed sketching the harbour. Anyway, one day I'll go...when I have $2000! It's good to have dreams
Hey, I haven't done one of these for awhile...so here goes. Today's profile gem is... "i am looking for someone who has a good and clean hearth." She must really be into fireplaces!
Hey, I haven't done one of these for awhile...so here goes. Today's profile gem is... "i am looking for someone who has a good and clean hearth." She must really be into fireplaces!
Or she's looking for Frodo....
Frodo? Is that one of those funny Starbucks coffee drinks?
Trust me, BA...it's not unusual for them to have this type of behaviour when they know the ex is moving on. Mine used to call me when I was on a date to tell me that I was neglecting my children...blah blah blah. They don't want you but they don't want anyone else to want you either! Mine died down, hers will too.
oops...wrong thread...again.
Nice weekend. I spent all day Saturday at church. We had our services, a potluck and a disaster relief benefit concert afterwards. After the benefit we all went for dessert in the fellowship hall and I sat with a lady from my bible study who just started coming...she's been a church member for a long time. After meeting in the dessert line we sat down together and talked for about half an hour. Nice lady...single too. She's got kids my age and she's a nurse. It was a nice connection. Now, on the dark side lol, people keep asking me where AM is, "Hey Whatis, where's your girlfriend lately" etc. or asking me about her situation...which I know nothing about. I gave one of the Filipino ladies her phone number cuz she said she'd like to call her but didn't have her number. Church Lady also came back from the Philippines this Sabbath and I had a nice chat with her about her trip. I offered her photos of the benefit concert (she was in it and we share photos of church stuff) and she said "no, i'm still recovering from my trip" Huh? I think she kind of missed what I asked lol.
Sunday I went downtown and took a ton of photos of the Khalsa Day celebrations at our city hall...and all the food was free. Anyone on my FB can view my colourful discoveries. So that's it for now. Life goes on...gotta get my income tax done. Voldy's getting screwed for $1000 because of D17's earning this year and she knows I don't have anything to contribute to her debt to the govt...she can consider it partial payment for the divorce costs which she never did ever pay me for lol.
Btw, D17 (who will be D18 on Saturday) was accepted to the University I went to for September. She's pretty excited 'cuz that's where she wanted to go!
Uh, and the lady I had dessert with has kids the same age as mine...not my age as I mistakenly typed, it's Monday lol. Just so's you know!
Frodo? Is that one of those funny Starbucks coffee drinks?
It's from
The Hobbit books....J.RR. Tolkien.
Hey, did I mention that the Adventist Development and Relief Agency (ADRA) want to use some of my photos from the recent benefit concert we held at the church. Pastor says they want to use them for promotion materials. Nice!
Very cool Wii - congrats!!
BA
A lady visited my profile today and I was really taken by some of what she wrote in hers...apparently she's my 97% match but also lives in the Philippines lol. Here's some of what she wrote...nice stuff.
For it is not happy people who are thankful ; it is thankful people who are happy.
Real JOY is not something you have in your hands ; it is something you carry in your heart. Share it and it will come back to you a hundred fold. Know often that the greatest JOY comes from going through tough times and growing stronger and BETTER (not bitter!)
Sometimes you have to SMILE by FAITH. If you smile by FAITH, soon the JOY will FOLLOW. Living in a favorable and unfavorable situation is called part of LIVING. But SMILING in all those situations is called ART of LIVING.
GOD gave us all a SMILE. Are you using yours?
If the ONLY thing you have to offer are your LOOKS, then that's going to lead you to having superficial relationships with people. People who are attracted to you ONLY because of your pretty face or nice body won't be by your side FOREVER. But the people who can see how beautiful your heart is will NEVER leave you. Never look for just a GOOD FACE, it will turn old one day. Never look for just a GOOD SKIN, it will wrinkle one day. Never look for just a HOT BODY, it will change one day. Never look for just NICE HAIR, it will turn white one day. But look for a woman who is after GOD's own HEART and a LOYAL&COMPASSIONATE HEART the ONE that I HAVE - that will LOVE YOU ALWAYS and EVERYDAY...
The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of CHRISTIAN but the fact that I am a CHRISTIAN does make me a different kind of WOMAN.
Don't write your name on the sand, waves will wash it away. Don't write your name in the sky, wind may blow it away. Write your name in hearts of people you come in touch and as much as possible have a positive, seraphic impact in them. That's where it will stay.
The problem with some people in these modern days and age is that they spend most of their time looking for someone to sleep with instead of finding someone worth waking up to.
I only speak when I feel that my words are better than my SILENCE.
Never let LOYALTY and KINDNESS get away from you. Wear them like a necklace ; write them deep within your heart. Then you will find favor from GOD and people - PROVERBS 3 : 3.
I've been chatting this evening with a lady I had coffee with 3.5 years ago! I signed on to OKCupid, and made very clear my faith, and I found her on this site too. She was the second lady I had coffee with when I started online dating. She was really anxious 'cuz she'd just started out again too. She said to me "we have to be very careful, we don't have time to mess up again!" lol. Anway, we had a nice evening and I drove her home and asked her to meet again...and she flaked on me. But she did send me a nice email saying that she was just feeling she wasn't ready to date yet and was taking herself off the dating site. No prob. So anyway, she's a Christian, loves photography, sang in her church choir, fun sense of humour and I liked her. So, I "liked" her and she "liked" me (and we also have a 97% match on OK Cupid...whatever that means) so I sent her a message. She responded "Have we communicated before? How do you know my name? Please help me to remember." So I gave her the details of our coffee meet and even told her the funny thing she said that I remembered. She replied "I'm so impressed! You remember the date, the place and the details of our conversation!" I told her that I'm good with detail...I should have told her it was cuz she was so memorable lol. Anyway, we chatted for over an hour and she looked at my Flicker page. We talked about church and photos. I left it at suggesting we get together again soon and gave her what day of the week worked best for me and said that I'd be delighted to see her again if she'd like to. So I just left it at "we'll talk more soon" She responded with "Oh Ok, you have to go. Nice chatting with you. Have a great rest of the night" Hm, not sure about that answer...she isn't breaking down my door lol. When I first contacted her a few years ago she quizzed me for nine days by email and finally I told her it was time to put up or shut up...ha ha, nicely of course. She wasn't ready then...so we shall see. Again, not sure a non-Adventist will work but I'm willing to take a look.
Hm, I'm messaging with another lady now too...and she also likes photography! And I was afraid that my high score for purity on the OK Cupid whatever it is scale would be a handicap lol. She seems nice...we shall see.
How great it would be if you met someone you clicked with that had a mutual passion for photography!
BA
Yes BA, true love can never be Photoshopped.
OK, here's my dilemma...this is the message I left the first lady yesterday after one and a half hours of chatting (yeah, it was one and a half...didn't feel like it though lol)...and remember I've met her before, "Hey, I've got to go now. I'd be happy to meet again if you'd like to. Fridays are good for me but I'm flexible, except for Wednesdays 'cuz I have bible study... so let me know if you'd like to. I'd be delighted to see you again. Talk to you soon :)" And her response was "Oh OK, nice chatting with you. Enjoy the rest of your evening" I sent her a brief message this morning just asking who she was cheering for in the NBA playoffs...she's a big Celtics fan and they're out. So far I haven't heard from her at all. Now, do I just leave it for now 'cuz I put the meet invite out there or do I keep contacting and chatting some more? I'm not sure here. I'm ok either way, I just don't wanna waste my time on cheeseless tunnels!
Yep you just leave it alone for now and wait for her response.
BA
Wow, this OK Cupid is a gold mine! I've been chatting with a 41 year old lady tonight...her sister is a Seventh Day Adventist so she knows about Adventism. She's almost a vegetarian too...and she lives not far from my work. Nice!
Wii - I chatted with so many guys when I joined online dating - I couldn't count them all. But very few were really interested in meeting - other than the last minute guys.
So many people just want to talk. Great for an intro but if you out the ball out there & they make no attempt to go for it. Drop it totally.
I had the most success when I stopped trying so hard.
The key question is - are you looking for women you have common interests with who are in your age group? I think they are the most compatible.
Barb
Thanks Barb. I certainly have better things to do than sit around all night messaging with strangers about nothing lol. I've heard a lot of women complaining that men seem to want to chat but not meet. There must be a lot of really bored people out there! The first two women I mentioned are in their fifties and the last one had just checked out my profile, so I read hers and liked it so I contacted her and she replied. She was really nice to talk to, she asked questions, gave more info than she had to, was funny ("I know the difference between an Adventist and a Jehovah Witness lol") and I felt very comfortable with her. I told her that maybe we could message tonight and if all went well we could meet for coffee soon. I ain't looking for a messaging buddy lol. We shall see
Well, it appears my dance card is now empty once more. Apparently, women will chat with you for hours but once you use the "c" word ("coffee", what did you think I meant lol)they scatter like cockroaches in the kitchen when the light goes on. Oh well, I guess that's the downside to online dating. You have access to a lot more people but you have to deal with a lot more nonsense too. Moving on...
Wii that happened to me too. What I realized is that the ones who chatted a lot but did not want to meet werent being honest. They were either still married or recently separated or just crazy
The nature of the online dating is that you have many more strike outs than base hits. Even the base hits often turn into double plays and you have to start over. However, if you have patience someone special will come around, steal your heart and that's when you hit the home run!
Along the way, you get to meet some really interesting (good and not so good) people. It's a journey, enjoy it, stick to your principles - don't settle because you become impatient or frustrated with the process. Keep the faith Wii - she's out there somewhere waiting for you to find her.
BA
Thx Rick and BA. It only takes one! I met SDA Lady online and although it didn't work out I'll never regret having shared that relationship with her. Any lady I've met I've enjoyed the experience whether it went any further or not. When a lady says "it ain't there" I'm cool with it...but usually they don't, you end up having to figure it out yourself. Anyway, onwards and upwards. I think I'll chill for a bit...I've had enough nonsense for one month lol.
Agnes told me tonight that AM phoned her today and was asking how I was, what I'm doing, am I seeing anyone...what does she care? She's planning on coming to our church next Sabbath. I'm cool with it. I have no problems with having her around. We're going to the nursing home to sing after church and AM always enjoys doing that. She's got a new job too so that was nice to hear. Beats me why she cares about my love life though.
It takes alot to put yourself out there as you know. People are just getting okay with talking to someone and then whoa! They want to meet?? I don't even know what I think about them yet.
For me, you would be coming on too strong. This is coming from a girl that won't kiss on the first date. I do take things slower than most, I am not going out with someone unless I feel something. Online talking puts a whole other twist on it.
kat
It certainly does take a lot to put yourself out there and be constantly judged! Do I know that lol. I usually make a very light suggestion after we've been in contact for awhile, something like "Hey, I've gotta go now but we can chat some more another day and if things seem ok maybe grab a coffee some time" I introduce the idea I don't hard sell anybody. My experience is that the "chatters" tend to be just that because often the women who are interested will move you along themselves and suggest we start texting, calling etc. So it's a fine line that is hard to read sometimes. Honestly though, if someone is reluctant to meet people then a dating site is really not the place they should be or they should say "could we chat a little more first and go from there". Men like direction lol.
I like OK Cupid cuz you have all sorts of questions you can answer and you can see what a lady's answers are and compare.
Here are some of the 266 questions I have answered so far.
Q: Would you ever record a video of yourself having sex?
A: No, I'd PVR it and watch it later
Q: Would ever have group (3 or more) sex?
a: No, I'm not good at multi-tasking
Q: Do you believe tht there exists a statistical correlation between race and intelligence?
A: No, but I believe there exists a statistical correlation between stupidity and the asking of such a question.
Q: If you partner made a lot of noise while enjoying sex, would that be a turn on or turn off for you?
A: It depends. If she's calling out Johnny Depp's name that might bother me.
Q:Do you believe in Karma?
A: Is that a sandwich spread?
Q:Is interracial marriage a bad idea?
A:No, but it's a bad idea to think it's a bad idea.
Q: Do you have a desire to take part in sexual activities involving bondage?
A: No, I'm not even good at keeping my shoe laces tied up
Q: Have you ever had sex with a person within the first hour of meeting them?
A: I don't carry a stop watch
Q: Are you attracted to dangerous situations?
A: No, unless you include online dating sites
Q: Are you confident in bed?
A: Yes, I can handle myself...oops, bad answer!
Q: Do you regularly go out partying on weeknights?
A: Only if you consider Bible study and prayer group to be partying...but we do have fun!
Q:Would you like to shave your partners pubic hair?
A: No, I'm not a certified pubic hair stylist
Q: Are you willing to try new things in bed?
A: Like eating a new flavour of Doritos together?
Q: If you were to get married would you want your partner to change his or her last name to yours?
A: No, I'd like her to change it to marriedtothecoolestguyonearth...but only if she wants to.
How can I miss!
Well, lady number 3 got back to me. I'd messaged her yesterday because after my coffee suggestion she disappeared for a few days. I wrote "Hi XXX, did you elope with someone lol. I enjoyed our chat and hope we can continue it soon" She messaged me tonight "No Whatis, I didn't elope lol. I've been busy. So let's continue our chat" I established that we both had time and she then asked "What are you doing? Tell me about your job" So I wrote a brief bit about what I do...and she disappeared! I sat there waiting for a reply which never came. Finally, I just messaged "Ok, I guess you're busy again. I'm gonna do my Sabbath School homework now. I was naughty and didn't finish it yet lol. Hopefully, we can catch each other later" She was still online when I signed out. Not impressed.
...and yesterday I got a FB message from AM...and then I unfriended her...what a wacko! If she shows up at church tomorrow I'll just smile and wave. It's been a fun week.
I love your Ellen G White quote
I've missed quite a bit, are you a SDA now?
Ahhh, online dating... I scared this guy off kinda on purpose, I think I freaked out by the thought of an actual human man, lol.
After that no luck on Christian Singles... too much on my hands now and no time to look.
Best of luck to you dear Wii, and if the ladies run then they are not worth it.
Thanks Cat, and yes I've been SDA for over a year now. I was introduced to the faith through my last relationship, she was SDA. I fell in love with the faith. Today I went to Sabbath School in the morning, followed by our church service, we then sang at a nursing home in the afternoon and then I went to an SDA friends place for dinner and games. Nice day...and AM didn't show up today thankfully. And as for Lady number three, I messaged her last night "not impressed. I wish you all the best in your search" Hey, you ask me to "chat" and then bugger off within minutes with no explanation...you're done in my books.
Lady number 3 messages me today, despite my last message "Hello there, we were out for the last 2 consecutive days. You have a good job! I'm planning to study to be a counsellor too."(in her profile she said she was going to study to get her MBA.) I responded "Good luck with it. Bye" Game time is over. My plate is now empty...and I think I'll leave it that way for a while.
Lady number 3 did not get it. She messages me tonight "Hi there, how's your long weekend?" She either did not get understand my last message or she's ignoring it. So I felt I needed to be absolutely clear with her and replied "Hi XXX, thanks for your message but I don't believe that we are a match. All the best to you" and she replies "Oh! Why? We could still be friends" Nooooooo. My gut is saying don't go there. I've done the right thing and made very clear I'm not interested so I'm leaving it at that. I don't owe her an explanation.
My latest answers to personality trait questions on OK Cupid...I love these more than the women lol.
Q: Would you ever have sex in a graveyard?
A: No, it would be too rigor-ous
Q: Would you consider performing anilingus on a partner who asked you to?
A: I do not partake in any activity which I can't pronounce
Q: Do you believe in God
A: Yes, and God believes in me
Q: Are you an Atheist
A: No, I don't believe in atheists
Q: Is sex in a public place hotter than indoor sex
A: No but it's stupider
Q: When having sex do you like to have your hair pulled?
A: No, I can't afford to lose anymore hair
Q: Can you drive a stick shift?
A: only my own
Q: Would you ever date someone twice your age?
A: No, 'cuz if she were twice my age she'd be dead
Q: Do you ever date to avoid being alone?
A: No, I have a turtle at home.
OK, here's a must share profile gem from tonight, "Looking for someone who loves to travel and explode new places."
Ok - that one made me laugh!
Barb
In my brief time on OK Cupid I've noticed some interesting trends in ladies answers to the personality trait questions. I've yet to read one that does not say that her self confidence is "higher than average"...I put "average". Apparently few of them are on Facebook and none Tweet! It's also interesting to note that not one born again lady chooses the answer "sex is for marriage" 'cuz every one I've read says she'll put out in "6 dates or more"...ok, more may mean 1000, who knows lol. Fascinating sociological stuff...ok, maybe not fascinating but it's keeping me amused anyway.
OK I've added this to one of my online profiles...it'll be a test run lol
"20 Can't Miss Reasons Why You Should Want to Meet Me"
1. I’ve actually read your profile
2.I will never call you "Babe"
3. I know running shoes don't go with every outfit
4. I believe Sushi is a power food
5. Head games make my brain hurt
6. A weekend with Pepsi Max was my mid-life crisis
7. I’ll respect your shoe collection
8. I believe in God and He believes in me
9. I really am divorced!
10. Old Spice...no dice
11. I'll make you laugh until you pass Latte through your nose
12. I know fine dining means more than two forks
13. I can inhale and exhale independently
14. I'm modestly awesome
15. I know Michael Kors is not a beer
16. I don’t live in my parent’s basement
17. I am a techno-peasant and therefore incapable of sending you "those" photos.
18. I love IKEA too (Ok, I'm just kissing up to you with that one)!
19. I don’t want to be here either
20. And did I mention that I really am divorced?
Wow, got a bite already, that was fast!
Wii 44% of the adult population in the US is single. You have choices. Dont worry she will come along and movevto Canada
Jeez, so many sex questions on OK Cupid! I have never heard or use that site. I've only tried Christian Café (briefly chatted with two guys there) but mostly I made friends on the chat room, had a good time with the freeby trial.
Christian Singles had lots of guys who, giving them points for being honest, put on their profiles that they attend church a couple of times a year. For me, going to church is not a Christmas, Easter thing, is a way of life and I go every Sabbath, and would not marry anyone who doesn't have God first in their life.
Not trying to insult anyone here, but my point is that for a "Christian" site, CS seemed pretty close to Match.com
Cat, I tried Christian Cafe and it was a disaster! I had a woman follow me there from POF...it was weird and she was nuts! Anyway, these people wanted to date Jesus, not me lol. In all seriousness, the pickings were very poor and I live in a huge city. I was not impressed. If i wanted to message with Filipino women still in the Philippines it's a gold mine lol. It just wasn't worth the price of admission. Oh and every women I've approached is Christian...and we Christians are just as nutty as everyone else apparently lol.
Btw, Lady number 3 was in touch with me again and we exchanged a couple of messages. She said she understood what I was saying. I told her if she was really serious about looking for a relationship then I'd be willing to start chatting again but I told her "I'm not looking for a fly by chat buddy." So we shall see. I do like her...I'll probably regret this, won't i lol.
Cat, are you SDA? You used the term "Sabbath" and I've only heard SDA's call it that.
Other religions use Sabbath too. Just saying.
kat
I've just never heard anyone up here refer to it as "Sabbath" maybe down your way they do it more often.
Judaism for one. I've heard Sabbath used fairly often. & I'm from "here"
Barb
Cat was talking about Christians and any denomination I have ever been exposed to, or worked for, describe Sabbath as "going to church" or "Sunday worship" etc. Others may hear different things, I dunno.
Well, Lady number 3 (I gotta get her a name) just messaged me her phone number. We'll see where this goes
Well, Happy Sabbath to me...not! AM showed up at church today and it did not go well. I arrived late (I discovered that when you wait for the Express bus which is not running it extends your travel time)and sat down in my Sabbath School spot which is right beside a window which looks into the sanctuary where another class is being held. Ten minutes later AM comes into the Sanctuary class (she didn't come to ours) and sits in the pew right in front of my window...what a coincidence. Anyway, after class I told Agnes and Rita that the lost coin had returned and we headed out. AM got up and went directly to the pew where she and I and Agnes usually sit. When she saw us she got up and gave Agnes a big hun, and Rita a big hug...and turned her back on me and sat down in the pew. Agnes turns to me and says "are ya having fun yet?" she then offered to sit between us which I graciously accepted. Agnes had to leave the pew shortly after to lead the welcome, scripture reading and prayer. She whispered to me "you two kids be good, I'll be back" We sat there like statues me hugging my end of the pew and her squeezing into the people sitting beside her...and leaving about three feet of space between us. Next came the greeting where we all get up go around shake hands and wish each other a Happy Sabbath...normally you shake hands with the person beside you first. AM and I quickly went in opposite directions forgoing the handshake. When I returned she was sitting there and I thought about how ridiculous this was and reached over to shake her hand and wish her a Happy Sabbath. She looked at the floor, puffed up her cheeks and began blowing air through her mouth and shook my hand. OK, whatever. Next came the offering and AM hands the plate to me while looking the other way...I actually started laughing it was just so stupid! When the service ended I headed out into the hallway and Rita was there and she smiled and I said "that was fun...NOT" and she asked me why I didn't sit with her instead. I said that I had thought of that but it seemed a rather unfriendly gesture and rather obvious. I said "that was like sitting with a refrigerator!" She then asked if I was coming to the potluck and I said I didn't think so 'cuz I'd had enough of one person for today. Rita said to come and sit with her and she'd make sure AM wasn't beside me. So I agreed. We went to the potluck and I said "I feel bad right now because I'm letting someone else's behaviour dictate my own and I don't like doing that." Anyway, thankfully, AM went and sat with Church Lady and the other Filipina's. The sad thing is that all she had to do was shake my hand and say "how are you" and this nonsense would have been over. If she continues to come and this nonsense continues I may just take her aside and say "hey, can we put this behind us and start acting like adults again" Not liking this day. After church I just got off the bus at Yonge street and walked for two hours. I'm actually a bit angry at myself for allowing this nonsense to bother me. I've tried to be a good Christian brother and mend the fences but I've failed. I guess it takes two to tango and she's doing the foxtrot. Anyway, I will overcome...always do. Sorry for the lengthy babble.
Wii,
You need to get past this. You 2 were not an item. She belongs to that church just as you do. I think it took a lot on her part just to go. I think everyone should move fwd & out the past in the past.
You don't know all her history. You don't know why she wasn't forthright for her. But she lost more than you did. I honestly think she never wanted to hurt you & didn't know how to tell you.
Please just act normal. Please make her feel comfortable in her place of worship. She is the one in a new country who needs to make friends. Be the bigger person here.
It was YOU who was interested in her romantically. I think she saw you as a friend.
You can all be friends. Time is passing. Enjoy your Sabbath & let her enjoy hers too. Not everything is clear or needs explanation.
Just my take.
You seem angry lately. Not just with her but with all the women online. Time to step back for a bit?
Barb
Barb, I have gone out of my way to let her know that she is a part of our church family and that I WANT her to come to church! I've told her that I'm fine and this is behind us. I can't imagine anyone trying harder than I did to mend the fences...and then she shows up and acts like an idiot. I have feelings too! What do you suggest I do? I want us to be OK with each other, I just don't know what she wants.
As far as the online thing, I treat people with respect and sensitivity... even when it's hard but I find you usually don't get that in return. The best you can hope for is that she'll just stop talking to you without explanation. Otherwise, you just get dicked around and lied to until you're bright enough to figure out that it's time to move on. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt and usually regret it. I don't think anyone is trying to hurt anyone else it's just they don't know how to be honest and tactful so they mess with you until you go away. I also think it's just too easy to throw up a profile and field candidates even though you're not really ready or motivated enough to follow through. Anyway, it just gets tiring. Barb's right, time to back away for a bit and re-charge.
I've had a cold this week too which seemed to subside Thursday and Friday but Saturday it returned. This did not put me in the best frame of mind either yesterday. I'm just feeling worn down all round right now. My boss is retiring in two weeks and going around seemingly trying to get everyone to hate her even more than they already do. Not a great work environment at the moment. Oh well, next week is a new week. Time to re-frame.
OK, I sent AM a text this morning, it read "Hi AM, I'm glad you came to church yesterday. Hopefully next time we can feel a little more at ease with each other. I'm OK if you're OK
Have a great week and God bless" It's in her hands now.
Well, once more doing the right thing has turned into another amazing episode of As The Nutbar Turns. She answered my message this afternoon, I was downtown photographing a baseball game. here's the text "Thank you for your text. My GF is fine. Please stop writing to her" My first thoughts where to write "Wow, what a man hiding behind his gf's cell phone number". let's face it, when you get the bf to text (if he really exists) you're making a veiled threat. My answer was "no problem" I'm actually relieved because I now know that nothing I did yesterday caused this she was set on being a you know what all on her own. So, from now on I avoid any contact whatsoever. It's unlikely that she will come very often cuz she lives a long way away from the church and our big SDA church is a short bus ride for her. So, obviously I'm the only one who wants to walk the walk. Fair enough.
I guess I am approaching this situation in the way I would like to mend it. I don't like being in conflict or having bad feelings with others and therefore want to "fix" it. I also believe that's the way brothers and sisters in Christ are supposed to deal with issues between them. That said, others may need more space and time or just want to shove it aside and forget it. She obviously feels crowded and pressured...although I rarely contact her. I will respect that my way is not working and leave it at that. I will allow her to enjoy Sabbath in whatever way she chooses and I will do the same for myself. No biggie.
Wii - I would just drop this entire thing. I don't know what happened in all of this and looking at it from the outside, I have to admit none of it really makes any sense to me. As Barb mentioned the two of you were never really a romantic couple so it is confusing as to what has propelled this from two people who had common interests and appeared to be friends into a dysfunctional non-relationship junior high mentality.
However, if it were me - I would remain on the high road and exercise limited to no communication. Only speak or acknowledge her if she is inclined to speak to or acknowledge you first and then keep it to very minimal small talk. Be polite but brief. Your (and her) worship time should not be filled with stress and negative feelings - after all that's not what you are there in church for are you?
Just my two cents.
BA
That's my plan, BA. This nonsense has been so needless which is what I find so infuriating. Aren't we supposed to get along? Well, that's not up to me. I'll just be me and let her be her...and stay the heck out of her way!
Btw, just to clean up, I've nixed Lady number 3 too. After giving me her cell number to enhance our communication she hasn't returned a message since she gave it to me five days ago. So long.
I think I'm gonna stick with the five F's for awhile
Faith
Family
Friends
Fitness
Fhotos...OK, I stretched it
and stay away from the sixth F
F@cking up