Well going on my 4th year after BD. Time really does fly. My D turned 18 in December. She dropped out of the 9th grade and is home doing nothing. She said she will attend our community college in September get her high school degree and go to college. I dont question her. Just give her kuddos now and offer support. Hoping she follows through. I havent seen heard from exw since 10/12. My GF told me that 2 weeks ago exw sent her 2 FB friend request. That is all I know.
I feel pretty good. Hard to believe I would make it. I feel for new comers.
I lost my job of 10 years March 2013. It had great perks. My new job is ok. My direct supervisor is a passive/aggresive control freak bully. So 2 months ago I had to confront the bully. I bit of my old self came back. If u dont know me from before I was a cocky go f urself kinda of dude. For the last year and some months she walked all over me. I just took it. The D really messed me up. The fear. ..how I hate fear.
Things at work are not good. But I can deal. The excutive director likes me. That is all that matters.
Financially im paying my bills. Not in debt. But things are tighter.
And we are getting married April 23th. I got cold feet/hands/neck/and u know. We were supposed to get married this Friday.
That is it. Live life, let go and give urself to the universe.
Wow Rick,
Lots going on! What gave you the cold feet? Hope you get to the bottom of it before moving fwd.
As for D - that is just sad but hopefully she is serious about getting back to school.
Good Luck!
Barb
Wow! Rick! That is big news! How does your daughter feel about the changes?
First off is that I needed to post. It really helps me see things in writting. We are both scared. She had a really bad experience with her ex and shes never been married. I look at the stats and chances for divorce for me again are huge. That is the main fear. But I cant let that stop me cause nothing is for sure. B my daughter said she was happy that I have a gf. She doesnt know about my plans. But I will let her know.
It is a very different R that I have now my GF is very traditional as she wants the male to take over things. Not be controlling but make decisions and take the lead. My ex made all the decisions and later I resented.
Im learning.
Have you guys sat down and talked about all of your fears? Your concerns? So you have been dating for a bit, are you both really ready to get married?
Just asking, I know I would like to get married again someday but I am a woek in progress, I have time.
kat
Should be work. lol Why oh why can't we edit and make it seem as if we can really type??
We have kat. We have talked many times. And we are ready to get married. I love being a H. My mom doesnt think its a good idea. She thinks i should sleep around when needed. She worries about my properties. Lol not sure what to say to her she turned 85 yesterday.i love her much.
The one thing I asked is that if we M it is forever. and if things get rocky we will work it out. Only God knows the ending
Rick, we all want "for sure" but life don't work that way! I think it's great that you both are able to talk about your fears...that's huge. It's that thing called "communication" and you're both doing it. Good stuff!
Happy Easter everyone. Today I told my D that I was getting married. She asked "in a church"? I said no. Divorced people cant. She said she was happy for me
. I asked her if she approved. She said YES. Good day to raise from the ashes..
Since when can't divorced people,get married in a church? That's news to me!
Anyway - good to have the talk.
Happy Easter!
Barb
Oh are you each of different denominations and feel more comfortable getting married outside, which in my opinion is the most wonderful house of God, or in a courthouse?
From my understanding you can get married in a Catholic ceremony but just can't take Communion. Have a lovely time either way. I know you postponed it once but when is the wedding now?
kat
It is set for April 21. We are both Catholic and I think they alliw marriage uf u been married before.
And we are getting married April 23th.
How did I miss this?
CONGRATS!
Congrats, Rick!
They allow marriages if the previous one has been annulled. One of the reasons I got my annulment done on the heels of my D. It took awhile and was difficult at times. But it gave me spiritual closure on the whole mess.
Best wishes-
Betsey
Rick!!! Congratulations to you and K! What wonderful news!
Big congrats! Enjoy your day and the rest of your lives together
Feeling depressed. Cant kick the sadness going on one week? So tired..so much to do..
Feeling depressed. Cant kick the sadness going on one week? So tired..so much to do..
Anything in particular bothering you?
Do you take vitamins?
I take men's over 50 multivitamin,
Getting older means taking better care of ourselves.
If it keeps up go to a doctor please!
Hey Cadet. Yes I am making myself crazy regarding finances work and the future. I have tons of things to do around the house that cost money. Need dental work worth 6k. My insurance covers 50%. My negative thinking is the reason. But this morning i woke up feeling better. I said ef it to myself. Its a gorgeous day and going flying my planes. Besides for some reason things turn to work out at the end. Not sure why. Just gotta remember that
What's really eating you, Gilbert Grape?
Bugsy I lost the post i initially typed. In short i had a sicilian rage with my older cousin who lives 3 doors down from my mom. He has been complaining about my brother and I not calling his parents to my mom. We never had that kind of relationship with my uncles. Honestly i dont even have their phone numbers. My mom turned 85 two weeks ago. My uncle put a pic of her on FB and she looked so frail. Even though this has been an issue for about 3 years. I reacted 3 years later. I sent him some angry emails. That anger just surfaced. Wanted to get on a plane and kick his ass. The passive aggressiveness in my family is so prevalent.
So that is what was eating. I just cant stay angryvfor ever. Hug
When i feel someone is trying to hurt a love one I lose it. That is how i felt with exw and how she dealt with my daughter. She is 18. Dropped out in the 9th grade and doesnt do anything. I had that rage with ex.
Last week i felt depressed that i got soooooo angry with my cousin. so thatvis it.
Well glad you got that out!
Please keep taking care of yourself!
Glad you know where it's coming from. I was wondering if you having some reaction to the decision you and gf have made. Hope you're feeling better.
I was also wondering if this has something to do with your plans to get married. To be honest - it comes across in your posts that you might not be all that thrilled. It's like you know you should feel excited, but you're not. Like you're doing it because it's the right thing.
Maybe that's just what I'm reading. I hope you are 100% happy & sure. If not - maybe time to think and think some more.
Baeb
Barb much love your way. You are so good are reading into things. I am excited but scared at the same time. You really define how I feel. 2nd marriages last even last than 1st M. This would be my 3rd. So i wonder knowing that 80% of 3rd M will end in D why am I bothering?. And her being scared also worries me.
The big one. And i didnt come here to lie. I came here to grow and get support. Is that getting M would trully put the nail on the coffin from my previous M.
That is my internal conflict.
Rick: Big Kudos to you for your honesty and introspect. SO…
How is important to get married? I'm sure - if you've read my posts for the past few years or so - that you know how important it was to me… But not so much for Josh… Why? I'm not so sure. Maybe because he watched me suffer through the finalities of getting my divorce. I think it scared the Hell out of him. Because, being honest - mine was a bloody battle. And the scars remain.
So - we live together. Most of the time. And we are GOOD!
You see - marriage does not come with a guarantee. We are all evidence of that. We all thought we were in it for keeps.
I wish you the best, my friend. Be true to yourself.
Barb
Yes, I agree with Barb, I didn't get a lot of positive vibes from you about the impending I do.
Slow down.
This is something I use at work, you may have seen it or even used it just in a different setting. It helps people learn to weigh R/Bs.
Benefits-easy, What are the benefits?
Risks-again, list the risks as YOU see them
Alternatives-Are there alternatives?
Nothing-What might happen if you do nothing?
How much anger are you carrying at yourself?
Now-Does it have to be done now?
I left out the last N-Does it have to be done Now?
Hi Rick!
I think when you say that 80 % of 3rd marriages end in divorce you are forgetting one very important factor: YOU!
You have learned and grown. Most people don't do any of what we all have been doing here. All the soul searching gut wrenching internal looking.
You will be fine!
Aloha,
Wendy
Hey Rick, if you weren't a bit anxious about this I'd be concerned. When you've been through the pain of divorce twice it is absolutely natural to be thinking about this. I have a co-worker who has been married three times...he's been with his present wife over 25 years now. It can be done! As has been said, if you've done the work that's a huge step towards success.
Thank you all for your guidance. I am married. The mayor of our town did the ceremony. I was pretty nervous and so was my honey. We are very happy. And no second guesses from me. It is the right thing for me. It feels sooooo good. Onwards my friends
Congratulations! You have learned so much, don't forget to use it!
kat
Congratulation on your marriage! Wishing you many, many years of happiness with your new wife!
BA
Congratulations to you & your new bride! Saw the video on the Alt. awesome! You both make a very attractive couple.
No more doubts. Your last post said it all. Keep thinking positive & it will help you through any challenges.
All the best!
Barb
Riiick! A married man...at last. Happiness, love and joy to you and the Mrs. Rick as you two embark on a new journey together as man & wife.
Thank u all. We are very happy. I will not forget how I got here, ever. I will continue to share my journey with all of you cause I will always need your input.. I got tools that I didnt have before and all of u have tool boxes that I will need to borrow at times. So I will keep coming here for ur advice. It has been a very painful experience forced to divorce. I dont wish it on anyone. Not even my enemy.
I am so scared of making past mistakes. But I dont want to walk on eggshells either. But today Im happy very happy.
I trully love being a husband.
Things are pretty good. Only thing is finances at the moment. Need some dental work. iy insurance covers a lot but after all is said and done I will have to pay some 3700$. Need a new car and have some repair around the house. I have the cash saved for the car. My Honda has 262k miles. Still runs good. I will drive it till the wheels fall off.it needs front sensors for the SRS. Also need furniture and change the carpet on the 2nd floor. No rush on those.
Married life is going well. W and her daughter who will b 18 this month are always at it. im surrounded by females. At work the majority are females. Very interesting how females operate yet stressful lol.
Need to get back to working out. Last summer I got hit with planter fasciitis. Hurts like hell still.
Thats it for now. Spending the day with my D. Making empanadas and jerk ribs on the grill