Well, my 2015 has started out with my car heading to that big scrap heap in the sky! Yet, strangely enough, I feel blessed. It at least waited for today and didn't die on the highway last night. It died in front of a library so I had somewhere warm to wait for the tow truck and I no longer have to stress about how much money I was gonna pour into that car or what's gonna go wrong next! My mechanic said "crush it". My Mom has offered to lend me the money for a car and I can pay her back bit by bit. I also texted my Pastor to let him know that I won't be at church for awhile ( my church is a long way from where I live). He's in Tennessee right now visiting his daughter. I know people are concerned when I don't show up so I asked him to let people know my sitch and I hope to be back soon. He texted me back saying that when he gets back next week maybe he could pick me up for church on his way in on Saturday's. He lives further away than I do but goes past me on his way in. I actually burst into tears! Again, I feel very blessed. Anyway, happy 2015 everyone. God is good.
This morning I was out the door at 8:40 am hoping to get to the church by 10:00 am for Sabbath School...I got there at 9:20 am. Awesome! The buses were excellent. I sat through half the first service, Sabbath School and the second service. I looked behind me and two rows back was a lady from my church! I went over to chat for a minute and say hello. Nice to see her. "Amen guy" was there too! (SDA Lady and I used to refer to him as the "Amen guy" cuz he's Amen-ing constantly) The sermon today in summary was "get up off your judgmental asses and do something constructive for others!" I've shortened it slightly lol. My trip home took 50 minutes in a big snowstorm. Not bad at all. I also discovered a bus route to my old church which is just two buses and should take a little more than an hour. So, if Pastor can't pick me up on a Saturday I can take the bus...it will cost me $14 but it's possible. I'm also going to contact Pastor and ask him if I take the bus to bible study on Wednesday night would he be able to drop me home on his way. Should be no problem. My brother also called and said he'd be willing to go car shopping with me and take me to the garage he uses where they sell used cars and he trusts the owner big time. He's used him for years. So, we shall see. Again, God has been good to me.
Hey, it's been awhile! Happy New Year.
Happy New Year to you my old friend. I hope all is well in your world and you have found peace and comfort.
Ian
They towed the Rustmobile away today. I found an organization that sells cars to wreckers and donates the proceeds to charity. There's a list of eligible charities to choose from. I chose the Adventist Development & Relief Agency. I contacted them at 1 pm and it was gone by 4:15 pm....so bye bye Rustmobile. It was also my first day busing...and frigidly cold but, hey, the trip took me an hour and all the connections were good. I'm thinking of busing to Bible Study Wednesday night as long as Pastor can drop me home afterwards. I'll text him tomorrow. It's funny, but I cringe at asking people to do things for me or to accept their offers of doing things for me. I'm used to being the doer not the receiver. Maybe the Lord is trying to teach me something here. We shall see. That's my life for now.
Well, now I've got the flu...it just keeps getting better lol. First the sensor on my camera blew (4-8 weeks to fix), then a few days later my car dies and is scrapped, and now I have the flu...after travelling back and forth for an hour each way on public transit in -10-20 C temperatures. I texted Pastor this morning and told him not to pick me up and it's a good thing I did. I feel like crap. Also the heater in my living room just died and somebody ripped off my heater at work. I'm just waiting for my turtle to say "why don't you just curse God and die". Seriously though, I can't imagine how the homeless could live in this...it's beyond me. Anyway, if you're still with me, I have a question. I have a co-worker who lives about two minutes away from me and people keep asking why I don't ask her to drop me off after work. She knows my situation, where I live and it's barely out of her way. Part of the reason I don't ask is that I'm stubborn and don't want to depend on someone else. The other reason is I don't want to put someone in a position by asking where they have to say yes whether they want to or not. She's not responsible for my transportation, I am. I also don't want a co-worker resenting me as a pain. My boss asked me why I didn't ask her and I said that if my co-worker wants to offer she will, if she doesn't she won't and I don't want to put her in an uncomfortable situation by asking... and so far she hasn't offered. Am I correct in my thinking or am I being a stubborn old mule?
I will say to you what I say to my sons GF, it is okay to ask for help. I know you don't want to look like you need help, but people are more often than not willing to give it. Let them.
kat
But if I ask she can't very well say no without looking bad...so I don't ask. If she asked me, that would be different. My Pastor asked me, and although I accepted, I have a hard time with it. I've been thinking about this and I think part of my issue is a lack of trust in people. If I let you do something for me then you can let me down. If I do it myself you can't. So it may not be a fierce independent nature but more a fearful lack of trust!
People in the helping profession often have difficulties asking for help. Maybe because you fear rejection. Maybe you fear she will say No?. I have a hard time asking for help too. I should be able to manage it on my own. Otherwise Im weak?. Ask her for a lift and buy her breakfast. And what happened with mom offering to help with buying u a car?.
Mom will lend me the money to buy a car but I have to pay her back...at 1.5% lol. So I still have payments to make whether I borrow from her or finance. The car companies are actually offering 0%-1% in many cases now. I'm trying not to do something knee jerk, just because I've always had a car doesn't necessarily mean I need one. So far though, this year has suucked! My camera is in the shop, my car got scrapped, it's -10 t0 -20 C outside and I've got the freakin' flu...and two of the heaters in my apartment have died. I'm not in a great head space at the moment! Just feeling exhausted and a bit overwhelmed. When I feel vulnerable I want even less to rely on others 'cuz if they let me down I'm not as able to deal with it. You are right though, Rick, people in the helping profession are often the worst at asking for help. My doctor once told me "you people are worse than us doctors" lol. Oh well, another day of rest. I shall overcome...I always do...And go Packers!
Btw, Voldy has told me if I need a ride sometimes she'll help me out.
Maybe Voldy can drive me to Jersey lol!
That would be an interesting road trip lol.
My neighbor who is in the military suggested we go to his base as many soldiers are being deployed or relocating and need to sell their cars ASAP. I may just do that since my CRV has 253k miles.
Get an APC, they'll go over anything!
In Jersey I could use an M1A tank.
LOL. I was just thinking about a time when I used to drive a co-worker home in the evening. She lived two blocks away from me at the time. We used to go after work to pick up my D4 at the Montessori School she went to. Joan's mother had just passed away and she had gone home for the funeral. The first night she returned we picked up my D4 and as we're driving from the back seat we hear this serious little voice saying "Joan, your Momma is dead...very, very dead. You will cry. You will feel sad, but soon you will feel better" I still laugh when I think about that lol.
Day 4 of the flu and it seems to be lifting. I might have gone to work if it hadn't been -20 C this morning (the coldest morning of the year) and my shift included 3.5 hours of floor supervision which means walking, walking and more walking. I'd rather not wear myself out with cold and physical activity and wait till tomorrow. Yesterday was D21's birthday and her Grandmother was coming for dinner. I asked her to meet her Grandmother at the bus depot. Voldy, Grandma, the girls and I went out for dinner. D21 wanted Peking Duck so Voldy drove us to a Chinese restaurant...I had snow pea leaf rather than Duck lol. Of course, my mother had to tell me once more how stupid it is not to eat pork and shellfish (and the reason I'm sick is because I'm vegetarian). We returned to Voldy's and opened presents. Nice evening...aside from my Mom, of course lol. Voldy drove us home and then took Mom home afterwards. Voldy was in the hospital emerg on Sunday evening with extreme pain in her stomach. They did blood tests and in the second series found something. She's had an ultrasound and nothing was there. They believe she passed a gallstone but have referred her to a specialist. Hopefully, that was the case. that's it from my end. Oh, and I'm also kind of excited as I wait for a copy of Discipline By Example. It's the 75th Anniversary of the Canadian Military Police and a photo book has been produced and it's on it's way to my mailbox...hooray!
...and lastly, D17 applied for University yesterday. She's decided to stay home and apply to university's within the city. I told her she's welcome to apply elsewhere but if so, she'll be footing the residence bills 'cuz we don't have the money. She decided that she doesn't want a huge debt when she graduates and has two jobs within the city so she's staying here. She's also going to apply to Colleges but that deadline is the end of the month. That's it for me.
Wii,
That's awesome about your D17. How wonderful that she's mature enough to work within your financial boundaries and make it work. I'd be really proud of that kid. Musta got it from her dad.
Betsey
WII,
I think your D is a smart cookie. But you were right to give her options but let her know your limits. Besides - you get to keep her at home a little longer. Enjoy!
Barb
D17 said that although all her friends are applying to go out of town and it would be fun she's decided she doesn't have to be like everyone else. She's always been the down to earth one of my two girls. She looks at reality and makes choices based on that not on only what she wants. She's always been a child who when things don't go her way she has a cry and then says "what can I do to make the best of this situation". I remember after her first shot at the Ontario Gymnastics Championships in Windsor where she bombed. Voldy and I were so concerned about what to say to her and how to help her through this poor performance. As we left the arena we asked her how she felt about what had happened and she replied "Well, I didn't do very well. I'll have to practice harder and come back and do better next year. Now, can we go to McDonald's?"That's my kid.
Great attitude! Reminds me of my Ashley. She won a tv talent contest (Today's Talent Time if you remember that show). She was tired - had performed and taped the show all weekend. It was sponsored by Kraft Foods. At the end of the day - they gave her a bag full of goodies, some nice gifts and a scholarship. She practically started jumping up and down because there was pudding in the bag!
They are still kids at heart!
Barb
Pudding!!! Holy crap, who wouldn't be excited
And that instant Kraft dinner stuff (she used to eat it). She could not have cared less about winning, prizes, scholarship etc. she wanted to EAT!
Barb
Hi Whatitis
I have been recommended to contact you as it seems our sitchs are similar. I feel like I will be divorced this year. My wife is in love with another and wants out. It was sudden and I was devastated but getting better. Would you care to share your story and advice?
First, I will read up on your posts today.
Best wishes - JAN
Hi Jan, I'm not sure when you say "another" whether you mean a man or a woman? My W began an affair with another woman for all the usual reasons anyone starts an affair. I knew about it for sure about a year before I ended the marriage. She had been complaining about me for years before that (I didn't know she was involved with someone else at the time) and I tried to address the issues e.g. you're not romantic enough, you don't listen well, you don't help plan weekend activities etc. No matter what I did, it made no difference. I discovered DBing and it saved me. It helped me take a different approach when this wasn't working. It helped me become a fuller more attractive person and was key in me successfully moving on.I also became a person of Christian faith which was an incredible support during this difficult period (and still is!). Finally, when I couldn't deal with it anymore I gave her an ultimatum, to give up the OP or our marriage was over. She chose to end it. We now successfully co-parent and have a fairly good relationship. Am I anywhere close to addressing your situation?
Yeah - you are very close.
We are a same sex couple. We have been together 20 years now and have a s9 and d6. On our 19th anniverssary, she told me she was in love with another woman and wanted an open relationship. I said no and went into shock basically.
We separated when she told me the affair became physical and she moved out in Oct 2014. It is now Jan 2015 and she has told me she is done with me and how unhappy she has been with me and how I haven't been there for her emotionally. I am dumbfounded. We just renewed our vows last year at her request.
Her affair has completely rewritten our marriage and everything about it. I am demonized and everything that was wrong was my fault. Yes, I could have been a better listener, yes I could have been more emotionally connected, I admit that freely and have told her that.
She wont give up the other woman who is also married with two kids. The other woman lives in SF and we live in LA. They see each other monthly but for only a couple days at a time. She gave up a full time wife, full access to her kids, her house to be a part time girl on the side to someone who is married and doesn't live here.
I have filed for legal separation for protection for myself and our kids. I will then decide if I want to move it further along to a D or not.
My wife wants me to accept her decision and to be friends. I don't think I can do that, at least not now.
I am trying to learn from the DB Boards and have in fact learned a lot about being a better person and more open to life in general and letting people in. I must admit that trusting someone again is going to be very very hard for me.
My goals are
listen more and deeper
become more present in the moment, and not so focused on the future
lighten up
have more fun with my kids and be a better Mom
Baffled in LA
Sorry for your pain, Jan. This is all really new for you. It's a huge adjustment and especially with two young children. You must be exhausted! While we each must own our responsibility in the end of any relationship, the reality is that one person made the choice to step outside the sanctity of that bond...and it wasn't you! Often the ex wants be "friends",which helps alleviate their guilt and by pushing that they are negating the feelings that their choice has inflicted on the other party. YOU don't have to be her friend...but you do have to co-parent. I would concentrate on building a healthy co-parenting partnership. Whatever the issues between you were it's the kids that matter the most now. If a friendship ever takes hold it will do so through what happens in building the co-parenting roles. You might just say that you aren't ready to be "friends" but you are ready to co-parent together. You have the right to heal in your own way and in your own time. Your partner chose what she feels was best for her and now it's your turn. I hope this helps.
I've been catching up on my Sabbath School lessons tonight for Saturday. We are studying the book of Proverbs and each lesson this week is pretty much on adultery. Should be a fun Sabbath School lol!
Im so happy there is a God everyday. Seriously wondering what is up with people. Humans are so messed up? I couldnt do what I do if God wasnt watching over me everyday. Say a prayer for me
Right! I am not friends with people who lie cheat and steal, especially when it deals with me and my children. At most I will be cordial at drop offs and pick ups. Unbelievable the gall.
I too am happy there is a God and there is so much to be thankful for. I am realizing that more each day. I too have reconnected with my faith and it helps me get through this nightmare.
I will pray for us all.
JAN
Take your time Jan. Be good to you right now. There's lots of time to look back and evaluate what you could have done differently. You will be amazed at the people who will step up and be there for you during this time...some you never imagined and others who you haven't even met yet! There are so many out there (and here!) who have lived your pain and will help you heal your wounds and at the same time continue to heal their own. No matter what crap society feeds you about how "this happens to everyone" as though it's a case of the flu, it's one of the most traumatic events that will ever happen to you. It's not just "one of those things"! So keep us posted!
I'm very touched today. I took the bus to church which took 1.5 hours. After church pastor and his wife both basically told me that they are picking me up on Saturday mornings. At lunch one of our elders told me "Whatis, you get yourself here and one of us will get you home". We went to sing at a nursing home in the afternoon and two people offered to drive me home afterwards...which is at least half an hour drive each way for them. A fellow church member took me home for the afternoon and we had coffee and a lovely talk and then headed to a social committee meeting. Afterwards pastor and his wife drove me home. I was once told "Adventists take care of each other" and I'm certainly feeling that. A full twelve hour day but a wonderful one. In the two weeks I have been without a car I've been blessed with a growing intimacy with my church mates and certainly feeling cared for. That's a heck of lot of good stuff! Oh and church lady and I shared the same ride to the nursing home and she said "Hey Whatis, you should have no problem finding a girlfriend there!" Some just things never change lol.
...that's "some things just never change"
I wrote this today after witnessing an amazing sunrise on my way to work on the bus. It's my...
Ode To Not Having a Car
Because I don't have a car
I watch the sun rise each day
Because I don't have a car
I save $2 a day on coffee
Because I don't have a car
I walk up the stairs at the train station
Because I don't have a car
I've discovered my church loves me
Because I don't have a car
I deepened a friendship
Because I don't have a car
I've discovered winter hats and gloves
Because I don't have a car
I've learned to navigate the YRT
Because I don't have a car
I've deepened my resilience
Because I don't have a car
no gas, no insurance and no repair bills
Because I don't have a car
I've discovered express buses
Because I don't have a car
I'm at work early...in fact, real early!
Because I don't have a car
I have time to do my devotionals
Because I don't have a car
I shop less
Because I don't have a car
I get to appreciate the beauty of women on public transit
Because I don't have a car
I discovered the world won't end!
OK, I haven't posted one of these dating profile gems for awhile, so here we go! "My personality is strong and at the same time romantic and gentile."
Here's another eye catcher, "no horny freaks, weirdos or time wasters" OMG, who does that leave to contact her then?
...and one more, " I am only here for the free weekend, so I am not really interested in making up a thoughtful profile, to be honest." Be still my heart!
I just found a really awesome lady on POF...unfortunately, she lives in Niagara Falls (maybe you know her Barb lol). I came across her profile by accident and began reading it. She's witty and obviously spent a lot of time writing it. She left me smiling. So, I decided to message her and tell her so. We've passed a few messages back and forth and in my message I wrote "...Unfortunately, you live in Niagara Falls and my car just died a sudden and unexpected death and therefore I am presently developing an intimate relationship with public transit lol" She responded thanking me and telling me that it did take her a long time to write her profile but it reflects who she is. I wrote back that I think a person who puts effort into writing their profile is also someone who will put effort into a relationship. Oh well, easy come and easy go lol.
I think I spend more time on Match.com reporting profiles than actually responding to any! I know they're fishing for stupid but hey, brain dead? My fav was "This is not my profile, it's my Auntie's. I saw your profile and your handsome looks and just had to contact you. You can email me at youreafrigginidiot.com (I made that part up lol)" Today I got a wink from a very attractive lady (of course) from Los Angeles and her profile read "I'm a gentleman looking for his princess" Again, there's stupid and there's brain dead. I watched American Sniper yesterday and kind of feel I'm doing the same job on Match...and I paid $ for this lol?
I wrote a complaint message to Match. I told them that I would prefer to spend my online time looking for a relationship rather than policing their website. Maybe 'cuz I'm a social worker and I've still got a touch of Military Policeman in me I can't just turn a blind eye to scams that are meant to take advantage of vulnerable people...so I keep smokin' 'em as they emerge. Has anybody else had this issue with Match? BA, you used Match, didn't you? I used POF and the worst I ever got was an endless stream of "hi" emails...none of the idiocy I deal with on Match. I'm only visible right now cuz I'm taking a shot at an Adventist lady and she can't see my profile if it's hidden.
Anyway, today's profile gem is "I'm a worm person" Sounds a bit slippery to me.
Hey WII,
Maybe it was my sister! (Although she works in Niagara rather than living there). Actually -you'd love her. And she is single. Employed. A good mom. Great sense of humor.
There ha go.
Barb
Wii - I'd say about 10% of the contact I got was from scammers on Match. They are pretty easy to spot since they usually don't take the time to completely fill out their profiles, have only one picture posted and normally they were about 30 years younger than I. I simply blocked them immediately and moved on to reading or responding to actual profiles. I think almost all of the online dating sites have this issue, some admittedly worse than others.
Hang in there Wii - somewhere out there is your perfect Match. It took me awhile but I found mine!
BA
While we're on the topic of online scams... I got the following message on my LinkedIn profile. For those out there who are not familiar with LI, it's the social NETWORKING site for meeting work contacts and creating relationships with potential customers, employers and peers. It's not a dating site and I've been a member for a really long time and never had anyone say anything remotely unprofessional to me there.
YET... it was breached over the weekend. Perhaps I will follow Wii's suit and notify the good folks at LinkedIn about a potential scammer. Here's the message I got:
Hello Friend ,
How are you doing today ?
The name is Collins and I am a consultant engineer by profession and I currently reside in Denver , Colorado . I am into the the business of crude oil and gas supply .
I found your profile very interesting as your profile states a lot that made me to contact you and desire to be friends , I want to say your really intelligent person to be successful in your fells of work , how to say how fascinated I am by your field of work , not to mention how your beauty has captured my heart in the most amazing way .
It would be awesome to get to know . What do you say we could be friend ?
Cheers
His profile says he's the chairman, yet look at his writing. Obviously English is not his language; even so, his grammar is deplorable, and his word choices misused. Plus, you google the company, and it doesn't exist. It kind of pissed me off.
I've read that the scammers deliberately put in typos etc because they're looking for the really stupid and gullible. They know most people will spot this stuff and move on but the few that fall for it well, can you say GOLDMINE!
BA, I was on a Canadian Christian site for a few days (where a Born Again Baptist lady I talked to on a previous site was stalking me lol...that's another story) and was just inundated with scammers and as you said they're all 20 or 30 years younger and tell you how incredible you are etc. They arent' hard to spot but they're such a waste of your time...and you pay for the priveledge! After a couple of days I left that site 'cuz there were few ladies actually available in my area (a major city!) and the ones that were wanted to date Jesus!
Anyway, I don't just ignore the scammers I report them and will continue to do so. They're the cockroaches of online dating...and they'll probably outlast us all lol.
...and to be fair, the last couple of women I have met were from Match and they were lovely ladies...well, worth meeting.
Now, since I have a discretionary day and I've already changed the water in my turtle's tank, I thought I'd review my collection of Dating Profile Gems and present the best of the best...yeah, I really am! Here goes...remember there's more comedy in real life than in fiction. I should publish these one day lol.
I can bet most of you that I’d kick your asses on a gun range and or skeet shooting.
Looking for someone that knows how to inhale and exhale.
I spend most of my time with my 2 pit bulls.
I do not respond to “Hey baby, let’s do it”.
Please at least message me a “hello” before you begin detailing the wild sexual positions that you wish you could get me into.
I do not like self fish.
You had better look like your photo... or you're buying me drinks until you do!
If the extent of your conversation is “how big are your boobs” then please move on.
I'm looking for someone who knows how to handle themselves in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
I stitched a cat once.
When you say you're looking for a "down to earth" woman, that means to me that you want to bury me in your backyard.
Please respect my desired age range. And no I won't "try" you because you're younger and “think” you can last longer.
I’ve been very lucky to have several long term live- in relationships with men.
About myself I am simpel hardworing woman.
I am a well education woman
I am capable of world travel without you.
You are a man who recognizes that running shoes do not go with all your outfits.
Please do not comment on my ethnicity or looks. I know I’m Asian and I do own a mirror.
No cheap cologne. Old Spice makes me gag.
Looking for a man with ...a good sense of hummer
Kinky means I'm open to interesting things, not that I'll do you just because you cross my path.
I would like to find someone to date who doesn't already know and/or date everyone else I know.
Most things I attempt... except pole vaulting, I can think of better things to do with poles.
Food wise, not a big fan of bugs or organs...
Please have a photo without a girlfriend whose face is painted black.
I went on a date once and was told I'm "marilyn monroe meets the bride of frankenstein meets mother teresa... and it’s all valid.
Dating would probably be easier if I were a single-cell being.
On a typical Friday night I’m talking to the dead.
Ride me off into the sunset, baby!
Stop here if you own your dad's jeans...it's just not right!!
If you’ve fallen and on the way down hit every branch on the ugly tree, don't get nasty if I don't reply.
I am Chinese looking for a man in a similar condition
I'm too lazy to look for love in bars or grocery stores when I can let my fingers do the walking and surf dating sites in my pajamas.
I have one child who is fourteen who will not be meeting you.
I am very patient unless you irritate me
I am adaptable and don't mind a constructive discussion without holding any grouches.
I would really like to find a man close to my bone marrow compatibility
...couples always look so sensual when they are good at salsaing.
As an adventurous spirit one of my big goals is to travel the world, in order to attain this I plan on winning the lottery.
I’d like to know where you live, the names of your children, and what you like to do for fun before seeing your thing. I’m funny that way.
I'd like to meet a man who isn't full of crap.
I like my men like I like my books...well read and bound in leather.
I am politically political when it comes to politics.
My rule is that if you go home with a man and he doesn’t have books...don’t f*** him.
Behind every good man is a tired woman
Seeking my passion fruit to complete my fruit bowl of life.
I hope we have beautiful feeling each other,
I am still learning the language, which I found to be fascinated
God and I are on good terms, I just wish he were louder
I am a good looking Filipina like you
And I would prefer that you not whip it out at our first meeting. I wish I could say I was joking but sadly, I am not.
My favorite from your list by far is:
You had better look like your photo... or you're buying me drinks until you do!
That woman has a fun sense of humor.
BA
Sure, you can laugh...but do you know how many drinks I had to buy her?
Hey, no scammers on Match today...not one. Now they don't even want me!
Ok. This made my day!
I hated match! Some guy from up north invited me to come up so he could show me lovin'. I thought.. This can't be be serious. Anyway.. Had to remove myself because I kept feeling like I needed a scalding hot shower! And I was paying for the pleasure of feeling that way! Lol. It was entertaining at least. I gained a whole new appreciation on being single.
BF, at least when they're upfront about what they want you don't waste time on them! It amazes me how many of these guys want women to fly here or there to meet them...spend the weekend etc. The two women I met on Match told me they've never dealt with these kinds of men on Match...wow! I know on POF they're plentiful. Oh well, at least my world is back to where it should be...my first "fav" of the day was a scammer...report sent! The beat goes on lol.
Today's gems...so far.
"I'm family oriented, honest, caring and intrelegent"
"If you're divorced I'm totally ok with that. After all, you had to leave her to meet me!" Ooooh, the bad humour lady!
I got a nice reply to a message I sent on POF today...and she's not Asian lol. I rule on POF...on Match I suuck! My response rate on POF is about 70% but on Match maybe 20%. Weird. I send out the same messages and the same type of ladies...so I dunno. This one said "Hi Whatis, what a lovely profile you have written. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I'm an Anglican, if that matters to you. Let me know if you'd still like to chat" Nice! I'm very upfront about my Adventist affiliation and if they don't like it...tough titty. Do you have Anglican's in the U.S. or are they called pesto or pasto feelians or something? Anyway, we shall see where it goes. I've decided I don't have to marry somebody because I've reached out to them...I can chat and see where it goes, if nowhere that's fine. I'm in no rush.
...and she writes in her profile "I possess a strong set of thighs and am an excellent kisser" Hard to go wrong with that lol!
It must be my sister! She is Anglican & polite! But she is not Asian. 2 pitta 3 ain't bad!
Barb
Is being Asian a bad thing? Lol. Back in the day, I went on a date with a guy who told me "I've never kissed an oriental girl". My first thought was.. Buddy.. You're not about to. Made me feel like a packet of noodles. Oriental flavour.
BF, my last two relationships were with Asian women and people are always bugging me to date non- Asians lol.
I didn't mean to infer it was a bad thing. Just teasin WII!
Barb
Bf, your date's comment reminded me of a dating show years ago where they used to set people up and follow them on a date...don't remember the name. One couple was a tiny Asian lady and a large strapping country like guy. After meeting, he looked her up and down and said "Wow, I'm gonna split you like a piece of wet lumber" Now that's classy lol!
Btw, no response from the Anglican lady after I responded saying I was looking forward to chatting and getting to know each other. She was online frequently but she's now hidden her profile...so I may be toast already but then there are always other jars of jam out there...it's the strong thighs that may be difficult to replicate lol! As always, we shall see.
Well, I messaged Anglican lady to clarify a joke I made in my last email...I said Adventists go to church on Saturday's and that leaves Sunday open for NFL football. I had a feeling that might not have gone well. I told her that it was an old Adventist joke and I'd much rather spend my time with a lovely lady doing something fun. She emailed me right back and thanked me for clarifying my remark 'cuz she said "in all honesty,it didn't go down that well." So she asked me"what's your favourite activity to do with your clothes on?" She told me that she'd just joined a gym recently and was kind of scared initially but now she's really enjoying going....so I think I've saved it...for now lol.
Wii - My advice with this one is you should meet her sooner than later. If you continue with extended messaging you might be "lost in translation".
BA
Thanks BA, that's my plan. We messaged back and forth this morning and our messages were chatty and lengthy. I really like what i'm seeing. That said, she suddenly stopped (hopefully 'cuz she's working) and I haven't heard from her since. Hopefully she hasn't read something else she didn't like...if so, I'm moving on! We shall see.
She's back...things seem fine lol. I'd messaged her just asking how her day went. I figured if I got no response then I'd know it's time to move the party elsewhere. She sent me a nice long, chatty message about her evening. She'd gone to the movies (Taken 3) with her daughter and then dinner. She says "that Liam, he may be ancient but that dude can still do his thing!"She makes me laugh. So, she hit me with "the" question..." so what's your story? How'd you end up on POF?" It's funny, I've noticed that women ALWAYS want to know how and why your marriage ended...and they get there pretty quickly lol. Do guys ask that too? Anyway, I told her that I was married for 17 years and my wife found the pasture greener elsewhere and I tried diligently to save the marriage but to no avail. I said that during these trials I came back to faith and work hard to raise the two beautiful daughters the Lord has given me. So, I'm now waiting to hear her story.
Wow, we messaged for two hours tonight! We shared our stories and we talked about how scary it is to make ourselves vulnerable again after difficult experiences. Talked about jobs, family, faith. She shared about her relationships as did I. She's been alone for 16 years raising her daughters and caring for her parents (who have passed on) and now she feels it's time for her to find somebody. She "fell in lust" a few years ago but decided that two years of doing it but not doing much else really wasn't what she wanted in a relationship. Anyway, it was really nice chatting with her. So, we'll see about setting up a meet soon.
I got home from church today and there was a message waiting for me from Anglican Lady "Hey, mister man, how was church?" Nice, she's thinking about me. She's pretty humorous. Last night when we were talking about how you know you're ready to date again etc she wrote to me "look out world, the tigress has awakened grrrr" too funny. I asked her what she did for a living and she wrote "I touch people and make them feel good without scaring them. You've got three guesses!" I guessed massage therapist, faith healer and make up artist. Wrong, she's a security screener at the airport. She told me the company she works for was really strict about hiring, "I thought they were gonna dig up my dead grandmother and take her fingerprints" I hope I make her laugh too. I'd like to set up a meeting time but the weather just suucks here so we'll play it by ear. Today at church Agnes told Church Lady and I that she wants to invite us both over to her house for lunch soon and we can play games afterwards. Hmmm. Agnes thinks Church Lady and I should be an item and it looks like she's working on it lol. I asked Church Lady after choir practice how she was today and she put her hand over her heart and said very dramatically "my heart is full of misery" so I asked why that would be and she said "I'm very hungry"...uh, ok. I attract clowns and that's probably for the best lol.
Today's profile gem "After reading my own words, I now realize why I am still single."
Ack! That dating show remark! Lol. I love this question.. "What kind of Asian are you?"
I'm enjoying your dating gems. I like the humour these women put into their posts. I once used the tag line "I boil bunnies". I thought it was funny. lol. But one guy messaged me saying if I thought it was cute or endearing, then I was wrong. Made me laugh even more.
Hmmmmm... Now maybe I sound like those crazy Asian girls you should avoid dating. Lol!!!
Well this time I'm goin' black and apparently you never go back. We shall see lol.
Anglican Lady messaged me at 4 am today. I'd sent her a message last night and she hadn't responded. She'd added something to her profile, "you need to be a good kisser... and lean to the right lol" So I wrote "why do I need to lean to the right to kiss you? Are you slanted or a staunch Rob Ford like conservative lol" She wrote "Nope, just awkward otherwise. I'm at work. Talk to you later" OMG, she's at work at 4 a.m.! I wrote "Gotcha! have a great day...and if you confiscate any can shaving cream products I could use them lol"
Wii - Anglican Lady sounds nice, but if I were you I'd start arranging a meetup with her for a couple of reasons: 1) If you keep emailing back and forth pretty soon you're going to run into the problem of having written about everything that you would normally talk about in a first date. 2) If she is as nice as you think she is, someone else is going to meetup and discover her before you do.
Just my professional online dating advice!
BA
Hey BA, I make conversation for a living...I'm rarely at a loss for words lol. I just messaged her to get a clear idea of where she lives cuz this is a big city and "I live in Toronto" doesn't help me much! I've also learned that relationships are hard work but if you have to do hard work just to get to the hard work...well, it's not where I want to be. Done my time already!So we shall see.
Wii,
And be forewarned about being "Catfished" here. One of my old GF's best friend was badly catfished by a smooth talking Nigerian who managed to get her to send this mysterious woman $5,000 overseas because she's stuck over there.
I tried telling this woman that this woman was not real. But she wouldn't listen to me for months and months because she was "in love" with her.
Catfishing hits both straight and gay people all the time.
Be smart, Froggy. Keep your eyes open.
Don't worry...she just deleted me! Onwards lol.
Froggy,
Interesting because "she" did not want to tell you where "she" lived because I would bet the Kent Farm that it wasn't in Toronto but Nigeria!
It's interesting because I had also asked her earlier to see a few more photos and she said that she did not share photo online except for the one she'd posted. Ok, whatever. But, in telling me about what she'd done on Saturday she mentioned she'd forgotten her daughter's OHIP card and therefore has to come back (OHIP is our provincial health plan), mentioned that they'd had lunch at Popeye's and went to Walmart...she also discussed Taken 3 the movie. So who knows...but all I know is that if someone can't tell me what area of the city she lives in then I'm not interested in dating her. Gotta find me a nice Adventist girl...or I'll end up with Agnes fixing me up with Church Lady lol.
Btw, I've reported her to POF and passed on my suspicions that she is not who she claims to be...hopefully, I'm wrong.
Hm, it's very interesting...the more I think about our chats the more suspicious I get. Initially, I messaged her and she responded. When I messaged back I made a joke that I thought maybe she had taken the wrong way and that's why she didn't respond...I had also asked her in that message where she lived in Toronto. She replied saying yes it was my joke that turned her off. When we chatted she said that I seemed like a guy who enjoyed doing things and asked where I liked to go so I mentioned a few Toronto places e.g Kensington Market, Harbourfront, Chinatown etc and asked her what places she liked to go to. She didn't say but began talking about how much she enjoyed cooking and about her Mom's plate that she keeps in the kitchen. So she avoided mentioning any Toronto places. When I told her that I'd like to see a few more photos of her she informed me that she did not share photos on the internet aside from the one she had posted. Hm, probably there were no more photos. One more time I asked her where she lived in our "fair city" and she said "I live in Toronto" Uh, no kidding! Then this morning she messages me at 4 am saying she's at work at the airport (possible, screening officers have to work through the night) and would talk to me later. And so tonight when I once more asked where she lives she deletes me and all our messages. Interesting.
Probably a scam and a guy. So sorry that there are people out there that prey on others like that.
You are going to find a great match at some point. Probably when you aren't looking. Have an awesome blossom day!
kat
Ah geez Kat, couldn't you at least leave me with thinking I was being scammed by a woman lol. Honestly, I couldn't care less. I'm just concerned that this person may be still out there looking to take advantage of vulnerable people. I actually considered pulling the plug on her when she wouldn't show me another photo. Anyway, the Lord will lead me to who I'm supposed to be with one day. I'm in no rush! You have an awesome blossom day too (I'll have to use that one in my profile lol)
I'm going to play Devils Advocate here. I don't think she was a scammer at all. I think she was trying to protect some of her identity. Anyone who has been on online dating knows it is wise to not give out too much information to a stranger. I certainly did not let them know what neighborhood I was in. I took lots of precautions.
You may be right but I don't think its a good practice to report individuals on dating sites as frauds when you don't have proof.
I know all about Catfish and the gullible people who fall prey to them. And that is really sad. But from what you posted (which might not be everything) - I think she was just a woman trolling the sites and she wasn't totally ready to meet you.
JMHO
Barb
You could be right Barb. I made the report and said that I had no proof but certain things in the interactions made me suspicious. I told POF that I hoped I was wrong and would leave it in their hands. I outlined my concerns. I'd rather have them check it out and be wrong than leave someone who may be taking advantage of others if that's the case. I also understand being safe. I didn't ask to meet her I only said that in order to know whether a meet was even feasible at some point then I'd appreciate knowing what area of the city she lived in. I'm not gonna message with someone for weeks not knowing whether meeting he is even plausible. I've also messaged with lots of ladies and never had any problem with that question. it think it's a pretty logical question when someone says they "live in Toronto". POF will monitor her profile for unusual activity and they can decide...not me.
I hope she is legit. I experienced so many weirdos that nothing there really jumped out at me but then it's hard to "get it" just by reading your posts - that doesn't show it all. But my experience was that people yoYoed all the time. One time they were all over me, the next they pulled back. They disappeared & reappeared. Seems to be par for the course.
Barb
Most of my experiences have been positive...thankfully! Also the fact that she deleted all our emails rather than just ignoring or blocking me says she may be erasing her trail. In my experience people usually delete as an angry statement...and if she's angry 'cuz I asked where abouts she lived in a huge city then I dodged a bullet lol. Again, POF knows better than I what constitutes"unusual activity" and I'd rather err on the side of protecting others rather then protecting her!
Last night after work I asked a co-worker to drop me at Edwards Gardens (oops, identifying info lol) and I spent 2 hours doing what I love best, taking photos. It just clears my mind so and fills my heart with joy. I'm always so amazed at God's creation and the lens has brought it all to life for me! Anyway, back to online dating. I realize now that I violated one of my rules which is never give second chances.If a woman stops communicating with you for any reason...let it go. Not once has going back ever brought about anything positive. If a woman stopped communicating with me or didn't reply to a coffee request I would message and thank them for sharing a bit with me and wish them the best. I thought it was an adult way to handle it. Each time they reply to that, for whatever reason, it has never turned out well. Maybe they feel guilty, don't know how to say no, or they think they should put me back on the list...I dunno. This time I messaged her, she replied and then I replied and she didn't. I should have just left it be but I had a hunch that my humour had maybe been misread. She then replied and we spend a few hours messaging and sharing later on. Then she started initiating with me. So lesson learned...no response, don't bother. My experience is that if they screw you over once and you go back they'll do it to you again...that's not bitterness talking that's what I've found. People are people and the Bible says we're all broken and we are! I know there are no hard and fast rules but I think this one might be worth keeping in mind in future encounters. I also noted that when I have a sixth sense I need to pay attention to it. There have been a number of times when something has said "this isn't right" and I've carried on...and it wasn't! This time a voice kept popping up in my head "she isn't who she says she is" but because it was just a feeling and I had nothing really concrete to base that on I didn't pay that much attention to it.I didn't ignore it but didn't give it much credence (Btw, when she told me the name of the company she worked for at the airport I did check it out and they do have the contract) ... Anyway, just thoughts I've had about my merry adventures in the land of looking for love. No matter what, I've still got my turtle!
Hey Froggy,
Just for laughs. Found this gem from a dating site:
"I can handle the truth, can you handle me?
I'm tiny. I throw axes, real ones, at a target (sometimes blindfolded.) axe-throwing: it's my stress relief, because I live an intense John Grisham novel type of daylife and sometimes a better than Fifty Shades of Gray night life (not that I've even read the book. lol) ..... Otherwise I'm busy …"
Gee whiz....you throw axes to relief your stress? Oohhh okay.
tip toeing backwards...nevermind that!
LOL. Awesome contributions Wonka!
today's gem
"I want to be driven around."
...then take a bus!
Ax throwing??! Really?? Hook me up!
I have actually thrown a few axes in my day, prefer knives through.
Then there is the bow. It is really difficult to be accurate with a bow unless you can calm yourself and focus. I have worn out bow strings.
Maybe I should make a profile.
Well, let's get back to my underwhelming existence lol. On Sabbath Pastor and his wife have invited myself and seven other lonely losers (lol) for a Valentine's Day Haystack lunch. Haystack is an Adventist dish which to me seems like nachos...but we'll see. I may regret introducing him to the Vegan bakery that I spotted on my way to Bible study on Wednesday evening...he's planning to use vegan cheese and sour cream substitutes that I know he bought there cuz he showed them to me! Anyway, we're gonna have haystacks and then burn photos of our ex's in the parking lot afterwards...after praying for them, of course (you know I'm kidding, right) Church Lady is on the list of invitees...maybe we can throw nachos at each other. I'm thinking of supplying her with some age zingers she can throw at me so that I'm not caught off guard when she nails me. How're these for starters? Add to the list as you see fit.
-These nacho chips crunch like your bones when you move.
-Without a car how do you transport your wheelchair?
-I've got a coupon for Depends. You want it?
-How do you gum nacho chips?
-Would you like me to feed you?
-Hey, those brown age spots compliment you eyes.
-Did you ever date Ellen G White?
-Grey is your colour!
-Which arthritis medication do your prefer?
-When was the last time you saw your libido?
Best to be prepared lol!
I had a lovely Valentine's Day lunch at church today. I feel so fortunate to be part of a church that on special occasions recognizes those of us who are alone. Pastor and his wife invited about eight of us to join them for lunch today in the fellowship hall. We had a great time together. I sat with Church Lady and her girlfriend and we bantered back and forth and ended up doing dishes together (I think that's the Adventist version of scoring lol). I was teasing her about how she hadn't been mean to me all day and she said "I listened to Pastor's message and today is the day of love" I replied "Ah that's so sweet, you're showing me love!" Anyway, we all had a really nice time. Next week we're going to a nursing home to sing in the afternoon and in the evening having a games night. Pastor's wife says I can hang out with her at the church in the afternoon between activities and they'll drive me home after. I feel very blessed.
I bought my daughters some Godiva chocolate for Valentine's Day and posted on FB "Happy V Day to my two sweethearts, O & E. Thanks for being the seasoning on my tofu, the roses on my thorns and for getting jobs so I don't have to pay you allowance anymore. Love you both"
Wonderful day!
Today's profile gem: "...the sun deeply roots in my heart and glistens on my smiling face....barfo!
today's profile gem: "the sun deeply roots in my heart and glistens on my smiling face." Barfo!
I got a message from a lady...out of town, of course, and she wants me to tell her what I "stand for". Huh? How's this "I stand for walks on a moonlit beach while listening to the waves swish against the shore. I stand for sitting by a roaring fire with a glass of fine wine and an even finer lady like yourself at my side. I stand for that warm glow that fills my heart whenever I hear the sound of your voice. I stand for whatever will get me into your pants" Think I should go with it lol?
National Anthem? To put your pants on? Peeing?
It could be a long list.
Lol. I've got another one who likes the "simplicity" of my profile...I should just reply with a blank message...that should really get her excited!
Voldy just asked me if I'd like to go to a dance performance with her...I said "NO!" WTH? She said she'd ask D21 then...please do!
They are so weird. Nothing else I can think of. NO was an Einstein moment....the most thoughtful answer.
Yeah, every once in a while I fluke out a thoughtful answer lol! Maybe she thought because I bought her the tickets for Christmas that I`d like to go with her...wrong! Honestly, the less time I spend with her the happier I am. Family stuff is fine but we aren`t pals anymore, we just parent together. Thankfully, she doesn`t ask this stuff often.