Divorcebusting.com
Posted By: whatisis Let the thread begin - 11/25/14 01:07 AM
New thread, nothing to say...stay tuned 'cuz you know that won't last long!
Posted By: kat727 Re: Let the thread begin - 11/25/14 02:00 AM
Man you are just burning through the threads lately! lol How sad is it that I am forgetting to capitalize because I am not on my pad. I am having issues with my charger or perhaps it is just that I am on it all the time and it is almost 4 years old. smile

I think I would like a hot chocolate since I am first on your thread and it is chilly out. Thanks.

kat
Posted By: swoop Re: Let the thread begin - 11/25/14 02:34 AM
Oh Sweet! There's hot chocolate in here? Can I have some Baileys in mine?
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 11/25/14 03:25 AM
Sorry, this is a Seventh Day Adventist thread...we don't drink!
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 11/25/14 08:08 PM
Hey, here's the profile gem of the day... her interests include "roller balding". Is this something new women do with their hair?
Posted By: kat727 Re: Let the thread begin - 11/25/14 08:40 PM
Sure we keep putting tons of rollers in our hair until our hair just starts falling out in clumps, thus the balding!
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 11/28/14 01:57 PM
Profile gem of the day...so far, "I love food but don't like to cook. What do I make for dinner? Reservations!"
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/02/14 10:12 PM
Busy day today. Came home last night and realized one of my car tires was half deflated...perfect! This morning I got up early to drive if possible to a nearby Goodyear service centre. I got there at 6:45 am and they open at 7:30 pm. Luckily it was a rim leak which they fixed for $35 but also told me the control arm on my front tire was really loose...and a few other interesting tidbits. I told them I'd take it to my mechanic, who is right beside my work place. My mechanic fixed the control arm...there's another $277 but he said the rest of Goodyear's list was BS. So it's been a $300 day. I've had this car for 10 years and I've got $800 worth of repairs to do, as I failed the emissions test two years ago, and to renew my plate stickers I have to have it done by March. So I'm tired of throwing money into this car but to buy new or even used is going to throw a huge crimp into my budget. I got over 100 grand when we separated (I'm one lucky guy!!! I know) and I kept spending on the things the kids needed like gymnastics and saving money for university. I've never denied any need my children have had...but now I'm in a position where the cash flow is dwindling and if another car is needed I've got to cut back big time. I've never had to do that and it scares me. I'm now heading towards the divorced Dad territory that other Dad's have always been in. On the plus side, my daughter retired from gymnastics this year ($175 per month saved) and the RESP contributions will cease when she's 18 in May (another $150 saved...I was contributing $350 per month when both were eligible) but I'm gonna have to pinch every penny to get by with another car after seven years of trying to be the best Dad I could be monetarily. So I'm busy putting together budgets and ideas of what to cut. I've also thought maybe I could keep this car and take the bus back and forth to work and save some wear and tear and then only use it for weekends and other chores. We shall see. Not liking the poor house idea though.
Posted By: kat727 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/02/14 11:00 PM
You know you should check out the sites that will allow you to sell your pictures. You don't make alot for each copy but add them up and I bet you could make a decent amount. You would be doing something that you love and are good at. It seems like a win/win to me. smile

I will try to get you some site names tonight if you are game.

kat
Posted By: Rick1963 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/03/14 12:22 PM
Wii I had to get part time work to make it. It really helped. I only work 2 hrs on weekends counseling kids and that little bit extra really goes along way. And yes I cut where ever I could. Got rid of my landline appealed my property taxes changed car insurances. Sadly I dont buy Xmas presents like I used. You will figure it out
Posted By: BeginningAgain Re: Let the thread begin - 12/03/14 02:20 PM
Hmm - maybe you should get yourself a sugar momma, i.e. return of the Lexus lady! grin

All kidding aside, I feel your pain. I had to make major adjustments when the ex and I separated back in 2009. We were very well off as a team, but she was the major bread winner in the family making 60% of the family income and me contributing the other 40%. I don't make a bad salary on my own, but living here in the DC metropolitan area does not come cheap. Fortunately I'm an excellent money manager and have been able to stretch the heck out of every dollar I earn.

However, the financial picture is the lone remaining bitterness I hold in all of the separation and divorce. In fact, my ex just landed a new $200K a year job and the only source of happiness I could find in congratulating her is that I know it improves the lives of our two daughters since their mother can afford to provide them some very nice things and opportunities in life.

She drives a relatively new BMW and I drive our 10 year-old former "family" car that is approaching 120K miles on it. I am hoping that next year I am in a position to finally upgrade to something newer.

Kat has a good idea on the photo selling - that would be cool if a hobby you enjoy could bring in some extra cash. What about selling stuff you have around the house that you no longer need? Might bring in a few bucks as well.

BA
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/03/14 05:18 PM
Thanks for the input everyone. I'm certainly not in the poor house, if fact I've got about 40 grand still to burn but if I buy a car that will diminish quickly. I go through about 10 thou above what I bring in each year. Some people have said I'm stupid to keep putting money into my kids university/college funds or to have paid for gymnastics...but, damn it, they're my kids and they are number one...that's just the way it is! Sure, my ex makes 30 thou a year more than me but she chooses to work at highly stressful jobs with more "status" than I do. She pays for that choice. So, I'm just looking reality in the face and freaking a little! Sure I can cut back my tithes at church, stop the university/college funds (they stop in a few months anyway), knock off the $120 a month I pay for life insurance (If I croak I've still got my work insurance and my RRSp's which will total more than the insurance they'd get), make them pay for their own cell phones now that they're both working, and really watch what I spend each month. I might have to look at a basement apt somewhere that would cost me $300 less per month. Presently I pay $1290 for an apartment a few blocks from Voldy's 'cuz it's convenient for the girls. But it can be done and I have to start looking at it as a challenge rather than a threat. The Lord doesn't give us more that we can handle (Mother Teresa once said "but I wish he wouldn't trust me so much!" I'm just in a pissy mood lately...and not looking at the bright side as much as I should be...since that lousy cold my body aches and my energy is down. When I'm not feeling physically the best my attitude suffers but I shall overcome...I always have!
Btw, if you have any sites Kat I'd be interested but honestly I can't imagine anyone paying for what I produce. They're fun and interesting photos but...And BA, my 10 yr old car has 140, 000 miles on it so I'm beating you lol.
Posted By: kat727 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/03/14 05:41 PM
Ok, I will let you check them out and see what might work for you. Here goes: Shutterstock, istockphoto, fotolia, Shutterfly, BigStockPhoto, 123RF, Dreamstime, Corbis, canstockphoto and depositphotos.

You never know. I love so many of your photos. There have got to be other people out there that will love them too. Yes, even my special cardinals. smile

Hope that helps. kat
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/03/14 07:09 PM
Thanks Kat. Photography keeps me sane, when I'm out with my camera I think of nothing else other than what's going to make a shot special. It's so amazing to be able to take, for e.g., a strewn away bottle cap and turn it into something interesting and eyecatching! The world is a huge present waiting to be unwrapped each and every day when I've got my camera smile
Well, tonight is Bible Study and I'm so looking forward to sitting in my little church with my friends and reading God's word. One of the anxieties that hit me when I thought about the possibility of not having a car was I wouldn't be able to go to my church anymore...it's way too far by public transit (they won't even give me a route online 'cuz the site says it's too far!). I so love this little church and the people I've met there. No way I want to give up my life there. Any SDA church in my area is pretty much all one ethnic group or another...there's no diverse church like I go to now. Anyway, I've finished editing my photos for today (I'm off on a D-day...use it or lose it by year end) and maybe I'll head down to my car and watch the speedometer light flicker on and off some more...f'ing piece of sh!t lol.
Posted By: kml Re: Let the thread begin - 12/03/14 07:16 PM
Wii -

Some reading recommendations for you to inspire you about your finances:

- check out the mrmoneymustache website - read the blog and then start a case study on the forums, you'll get excellent advice.

- Read Your Money or Your Life by Dominguez.

- read the Tightwad Gazette books

- can you rent out a bedroom in your apartment? A roommate can be an easy way to reduce expenses.

- read the Dave Ramsey book Total Money Makeover

- consider a part-time extra job if you can't get your spending comfortably down to your income.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/03/14 08:09 PM
Good suggestions. The church I went to before the SDA one had a financial series by Dave Ramsey but I never went.
OK folks, I've gone through my belongings for things to sell...here goes. 1) 5 bookmarks from the Book Outlet 2) Daniel Boone DVD set Season 1 3) replica Military Police car 4) 1936 copy of Mein Kamph in German 5) Autographed copy of Economics in Perspective by John Kenneth Galbraith 6) Everyday Cantonese (book and tapes) from the Chinese University of Hong Kong 6) Pat Boone: In a Metal Mood...No More Mr. Nice Guy CD 7) a 1957 Baseball card of featuring Mickey Mantle and Yogi Berra. 8)a copy of Lose Those Love Handles by Mackie Shilstone and finally 9) "MY Grade 7 Portfolio" of my daughters school work (she'll never miss it!) 10) Seventh Gay Adventist DVD and 11)1990 team autographed Toronto Argonaut practice jersey 12)the dead fly I just found on my window sill. That about covers it!
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/03/14 08:34 PM
OK, I won't need to sell anything...I just got a message on Match from a lady in Laredo, Texas...she's looking for someone who's willing to move there." I want a man of God who can be the head of our home, the priest, the one who can make decisions." That is so me. I'm gonna get me some closet space in Laredo! Hey, and she's also a "legal immigrant" Hee haw!
Posted By: Underdog Re: Let the thread begin - 12/03/14 09:26 PM
Whaaa?

Quote:
10) Seventh Gay Adventist DVD


Are you the 7th Gay Adventist????
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/03/14 09:38 PM
Nope but it's a fantastic documentary on the struggles gay Adventists have within themselves and with the church the belonged to or still do. It's not about right or wrong, it's about how people feel. Really worth watching whether you're Adventist or not...or gay or not. Here's a link:
http://buy.sgamovie.com/
Posted By: Underdog Re: Let the thread begin - 12/03/14 10:05 PM
Ohhhh, okay. I thought you mistyped!

No worries - I get it. After all, I wear an Erase Hate bracelet for the cause. Courtesy of my friends, Judy and Dennis Shepard. I despise injustice.

Carry on, and thanks!
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/03/14 10:22 PM
Instead would you be interested in my copy of 1837: Birth Of Canadian Democracy (published in 1937) by Stanley Ryerson and signed by the leadership of the Communist Party of Canada? Bidding will be red hot!
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/04/14 04:38 AM
Profile gems of the day:

Things she likes to do "walking love pet" She must get some great messages with that one!

"I know all men cheat but I'm looking for my match anyway" Wow, my heart is thumping now lol!
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/04/14 02:58 PM
WOW. There are some seriously screwed up people out there!
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Let the thread begin - 12/04/14 04:33 PM
I want an "Erase Hate" bracelet too! I am SO over self righteous people trying to bombard Facebook with their Anti-Gay, Anti-Jew, Anti-Atheist etc etc etc. My very devout Christian relative does this daily yet can't see she is breaking one of the 10 Commandments. She also can't see the strong likelihood that her own son is GAY! I doubt he will ever come out. He would be afraid to in that intolerant household.

Barb
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/04/14 06:11 PM
Barb, I figure what people do is between them and God, it's not my place to decide but Jesus has told me it is my place to love! Watch the Seventh Gay Adventist DVD ( you can watch it online for a few bucks) it will touch your heart.
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Let the thread begin - 12/04/14 06:42 PM
I know. I'm just frustrated by well meaning people who are constantly on a crusade which just doesn't seem so lovely to me. Just my take on it. And I agree. It's between them & God.

Barb
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 03:18 AM
The first tenet of the Adventist faith is "God is love" so I say we should follow it.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 03:20 AM
I went to visit my Mom tonight. I haven't seen her for a while. I mentioned my dilemma about buying a new car and my Mom told me that she'd be willing to lend me the money and I could pay her back at 1.5% interest ( and no, I didn't bring it up with any expectation of her helping me). Wow, that would be a real help. So I shall consider it.
Posted By: kat727 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 12:48 PM
As I have grown older, I realize the real meaning of family. When you are growing up, you so oblivious to most of it. You don't see how what you do means anything to anyone else.

As a parent you gain that appreciation of your parents. No wonder they were always tired! I also can appreciate how much they did for me on a day to day basis.

Being at the point when my parents, while really not "old" , are beginning to have health issues. Then my kids are starting to leave. I still am raising them,worrying about my parents and now about to welcome the next generation. I don't stop worrying or trying to help my kids ( though the are just a smidge younger than you). It is just a big circle of love, help, concern. It never ends.

Let your Mom help you. It is part of the circle.

kat
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 01:22 PM
It's the sandwich generation. We have kids to raise and parents to care for at the same time. I remember four years ago when Dad was hospitalized for cancer, it was December 21. He was there for almost three months and I drove across the city every night to visit him until he went. I'd come home from work, eat, lie down for 15 minutes and drive to the hospital. I missed about twice and that's it...every single night I was there. I know if I'm in need my parents or parent now will be there. But, I never thought of myself in need re this car issue. It was just a sudden jolt of what do I need to do now that hit me. I never thought Mom would offer to lend me the money...and I'm her Executor and know she's got it! When Dad passed I went to the bank with her to help sort out her finances and she said to me "I don't know where all this money came from!" and now she frets about how to spend it lol. My Mom has always been about standing on your own two feet...so it never occurred to me to even ask. Her and Dad have never had debt, except for their mortgage. When they bought a car it was with cash! they saved, they scrimped and as a kid I felt like the poorest kid on the block...when I got a bike, it was from the Crippled Civilians store (it's Goodwill now). Anyway, enough babbling...it was a loving gesture on her part and takes some of the angst away for me. I sometimes forget I don't have to do it alone.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 02:16 PM
That last phrase I wrote, "I somethimes forget I don't have to do it alone" made me think and here it goes. I have always felt alone. When I was growing up I was the first born and my parents took in foster children so there was always someone needier than me. We were not encouraged to share our feelings. I remember once, after an Aunt hung herself, telling my Mom I thought I was going to cry. She told me to go to my room. That's where I went when I had a problem. I'd lie on my bed and deal with it alone. I was also bullied as a kid. The kids on the street would turn on me for no reason. I can remember getting that "I'm one of the guys" feeling and then someone would turn around and kick the crap out of me... just because and then my Mom would send me to my room for swearing. Once we were playing at the end of the street around a creek and someone decided to shove me over an embankment. I have a huge scar on my leg 46 years later from the stitches it took to close the wound. I remember going to a birthday party and giving the kid his gift and his words were "thanks for the gift but this party is for my friends only so go home" I was even physically assaulted by our school Principal. Wow. I always wanted to be a policeman so that I could protect people who couldn't protect themselves. My first job was as a Military Policeman...but I shared feelings with no one. We drank when we had a problem. Finally after dealing with anxiety attacks with booze I left the army. I went to a treatment facility where I had therapy, individual and group. The therapist I saw said it was a year before I shared anything of any value! I'm better at it now but my first instinct to is to trust no one and expect nothing. I trusted my ex with all my heart and got my heart ripped out. I find it easier now to take care of others 'cuz I feel more in control of the sitch and don't have to depend on them for anything (see my last relationship) At church Church Lady and Agnes want me to get baptized but I've now realized why I don't. Baptism means commitment and trusting God...and if I do that and He lets me down then what do I have left? Church Lady has picked out two songs for me to choose from. One is All of Me and the other is Just As I Am. I'm far more comfortable with the second. So that's my sob story lol. Although I'm much better I still automatically turn to looking after myself and holding all the anxiety and fear inside. The little boy says " no one will hurt me again". There's a poem that really touches me by Antwone Fisher (yes, that's also a movie title about his life) called Who Will Cry For The Little Boy...I did when I read it. Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming!
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 02:31 PM
Btw, it was an outpatient addiction program I took part in. I was never hospitalized not that it matters...I guess. I became the Golden Boy of the Donwood Institute because I was one of the youngest in the program who actually kicked booze for good. At my age at the time the failure rate was pretty much 100 %. It's been well over thirty years now...I've lost track, and I haven't touched a drop. During the separation and divorce I made sure I never touched it...no way was I taking a chance of losing my children and if I drank bad things would happen. Anyway, I'm done...thanks for reading.
Posted By: BeginningAgain Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 03:39 PM
Wii -

I am so sorry that you had those kind of experiences growing up. The fact that you are where you are now shows what an incredibly strong and resilient person you are!! Being bullied and ridiculed by peers is the worse. To a small extent I experienced it growing up and I know as a parent I have always been concerned that one of my kids would experience it too - luckily, as far as I know at least, they have escaped relatively unscathed by it. I think the fact that the schools are much more involved in making sure it doesn't happen has benefited them.

Congratulations on more than 30 years of sobriety - especially staying away from the stuff during the really dark valleys in your life! Having been burned in two marriages, I know how hard it is to trust in people, however realize that not all people are out there to disappoint you. There are many, many good folks in the world - like you! - who can be trusted and at least for me it's nice to be able to let go and give that trust to someone. It makes you feel less alone in life I think.

Best to you my friend!

BA
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 04:45 PM
Thanks BA. As I grew up my Dad became an really good friend. I could go to him and know he'd listen. In my youth he was in the midst of depression and not particularly available. He had his demons to fight too. I also have an incredible friend who I can turn to for anything. We met in social work school and have been friends for over 30 years. I still have a therapist who I see periodically who I've known for 25 years. I have supports out there but I have to fight that urge to hold it all in and take care of it myself. My faith has been a real rock for me but I still hold onto that fear that if I give it all to God...He might not be there. Anyway, I just went to the park and got some great litter shots lol. I had a nice talk with a Chinese lady there who was feeding the ducks. She had a farm back in China where they raised ducks so she knows what to feed them. Most people feed them bread and fries and fritos lol...not good. Gotta go edit my shots now (got a couple of awesome squirrel shots and a lady eating a banana too)
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 05:17 PM
Thank you so much for sharing Wii. That is very deep and very telling. Childhood trauma is what shapes a lot of people. Finding ways to move around that trauma is difficult but not impossible.

I'll share back with you if that is ok. Just a short note on faith. I was raised Southern Baptist and still attend a Southern Baptist (although a progressive one) church. The belief system I was brought up in was strict without a lot of gray area. The D brought me into my faith stronger than I had been in a long time but my own guilty feelings of disobedience (ie - living in sin basically) has pulled me away from it again. That makes life very dark. I know God will forgive me but I can't forgive myself so I stay away from the nurturing spirit of my church family out of fear of being rejected or looked down on for how I'm choosing to live my life currently. I then turn that fear into an irrational decision that God is punishing me (and by association Marc..I know..don't go there) because of my poor choices.

So....I wonder....is it fear of God somehow rejecting you or fear of what others in the faith might do to hurt you after you take that final leap into baptism? Is than final 'formal' hurdle into 'joining' what is truly stopping you. God can be trusted 100%, people can not always be relied upon and you already know that.

Oh....and 'Just as I am' is absolutely one of my very favorite hymns!
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 06:02 PM
Thanks Mish. In the Adventist church baptism is your ticket into membership. Am I afraid of the people there? Nope. The Adventist church has a rep for being legalistic and conservative but the time I've been there and other Adventist churches, I haven't experienced it. I hear good and loving messages there. So for me, it's the fear that God will let me down and if He does...what's left? I have to recognize that God also does not expect me to be the perfect Christian...perfection is another bugaboo of mine! I feel guilty when I don't tithe perfectly or study my Sabbath school lessons or pray daily...but that's me, not God. Anyway, church and the people in it have been a blessing to me. I wish I could say the same would be true for you...but I'm not you. I'm going with Just As I Am 'cuz that's all I got...when and if I take the plunge (plunge...get it lol)
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 06:12 PM
Btw, our Pastor was saying last week that 90% of people leave churches due to other people not lack of faith!
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 06:25 PM
Quote:
Btw, our Pastor was saying last week that 90% of people leave churches due to other people not lack of faith!


Boy, isn't that the truth?

I'm so glad that you haven't found any of the judgment prevalent in so many churches in your Adventist church. Of course, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist...people are people after all.

I know that my feelings are strictly that...my feelings. Not based in reality but in my perception of myself. I'm totally rational about that but can't seem to reconcile myself to it. LOL Gee, shocker huh?

It's good that you know where your fears are coming from. Now, how to find the solution to conquer them?
Posted By: kml Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 06:55 PM
(((((((Wii)))))))
Congratulations on your sobriety!!!
Posted By: Underdog Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 07:26 PM
Wii,

My congrats to you as well. It's a good thing when we can make good choices and stick the course. Good for you!

Betsey
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/05/14 08:43 PM
Mish, my father told me in his last days "Son, I've been scared my whole life". I think we all are, to be honest! I read in a book recently that fear is the opposite of love. Fear can negate love. How do you get passed it? You do it anyway! If we wait for the time we aren't afraid to do something it will never happen. One of the things I so admire about Church Lady is that she told me that she feels scared when she performs at church but she does it anyway. She's still scared yet she sings, plays flute and guitar, leads Sabbath School hymns and is now teaching the kids Sabbath School. This is the same lady who told me she would play her guitar at my baptism. I joke about it but she offered me something special despite being nervous about doing so. She said "if you want me to, I'll do it!" Wow. Now, will I ever be able to say I trust God totally 100% before I choose to "be dunked", as Agnes puts it? Probably not. Do I trust more people than ever before? Yes. I've made a point of taking a chance with people and nobody has put the boots to me yet! Small steps I guess. Ellen White said "We have far more to fear from within than from without".
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/06/14 01:53 AM
Btw, here's the poem by Antwone Fisher. Awesome!

"Who Will Cry For The Little Boy?"

Who will cry for the little boy?
Lost and alone.
Who will cry for the little boy?
Abandoned without his own

Who will cry for the little boy?
He cried himself to sleep.
Who will cry for the little boy?
Who never had for keeps.

Who will cry for the little boy?
Who walked the burning sand.
Who will cry for the little boy?
The boy inside the man.

Who will cry for the little boy?
Who knows well hurt and pain.
Who will cry for the little boy?
He died and died again.

Who will cry for the little boy?
A good boy he tried to be.
Who will cry for the little boy?
Who cries inside of me?
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/06/14 01:55 AM
Btw, here's the poem by Antwone Fisher. Awesome! (The first post had a mistake)

"Who Will Cry For The Little Boy?"

Who will cry for the little boy?
Lost and alone.
Who will cry for the little boy?
Abandoned without his own

Who will cry for the little boy?
He cried himself to sleep.
Who will cry for the little boy?
He never had for keeps.

Who will cry for the little boy?
Who walked the burning sand.
Who will cry for the little boy?
The boy inside the man.

Who will cry for the little boy?
Who knows well hurt and pain.
Who will cry for the little boy?
He died and died again.

Who will cry for the little boy?
A good boy he tried to be.
Who will cry for the little boy?
Who cries inside of me?
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/06/14 01:57 AM
Btw, here's the poem by Antwone Fisher. Awesome! (ignore the first and second posts...I find another error! This is the right one lol!)

"Who Will Cry For The Little Boy?"

Who will cry for the little boy?
Lost and all alone.
Who will cry for the little boy?
Abandoned without his own

Who will cry for the little boy?
He cried himself to sleep.
Who will cry for the little boy?
He never had for keeps.

Who will cry for the little boy?
Who walked the burning sand.
Who will cry for the little boy?
The boy inside the man.

Who will cry for the little boy?
Who knows well hurt and pain.
Who will cry for the little boy?
He died and died again.

Who will cry for the little boy?
A good boy he tried to be.
Who will cry for the little boy?
Who cries inside of me?
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/07/14 02:03 AM
Tonight I went to the church Christmas party and it was the best one I've ever been to. We had so much fun. I won a prize for Karaoke which I have never done in public before. The last time I ever sang alone in front of people was in a play in grade six...I remembered "just do it" so I did. Church Lady asked if she could sing a Filipino Christmas carol so they looked it up on You Tube and put it on the screen and she began to sing. Halfway through she was dying so I joined in and started singing with her (words were in English) and then two others started singing too. She then asked everyone to join in and it all ended well. My daughters couldn't come as both were working tonight but the eldest said in her text "if I wasn't working I'd love to come" Wow! My kids have never wanted anything to do with church but whenever I ask them to join me at this church they say yes. I'm a happy guy tonight. I do feel blessed in so many ways.
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/08/14 02:47 PM
It sounds like a wonderful time Wii!
Posted By: RockJC Re: Let the thread begin - 12/08/14 05:44 PM
I found this discussion very interesting. I was also raised in a very legalistic Baptist church and had many of these same feelings. Currently, I go to a non-denominational church that is very tolerant, but very conservative at the same time. I have found a mentor who has really helped me resolve these conflicts. When I read your statements, I feel like you are in conflict.

Some of your and Whatisis comments:
“My own feelings of disobedience”
“God will forgive me”
“Fear of being rejected”
“God is punishing me”
“God also does not expect me to be perfect”
“I feel guilty”

I think the core conflict in all of these statements is a Martyr mentality. In your head, you believe that God is asking you to sacrifice your happiness and comfort in order to comply with his rules. You rebel against your convictions, because you believe your happiness and Joy is maximized if you follow your human desires vs conforming to Gods direction. This is the primary lie of the world.

“Living in sin makes me happy. I would be worse off if I got married or lived alone”
“I can’t afford to tithe. I will be better off if I keep my money to pay bills”

We are constantly faced with these conflicts between actions that we believe are in our best interest, and how God convicts us to behave through his word. Living in this constant conflict robs peace and joy from our lives and eventually separates us from God and the church.

It has taken me a long time, but I have finally realized that God’s direction is better for me than my direction. All of the past pain in my life has been caused by my rejection of God’s direction in favor of my human desire. God wants you to have peace, and Joy. His commands are that path to that peace and Joy.

Psalms 16:11 says “You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore”

God is not asking us to me Martyrs. He is offering us “Fullness of Joy” and “Pleasures forevermore”. When we follow our human desires we only cheat ourselves.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/08/14 05:52 PM
Thanks for your input and sharing your journey. Part of me has always believed that I need to be a better person and Christian before being baptised but last night I was reading a book "I Used To Be Perfect" by George Knight and he simplified it as you can either choose to say "Yes" to God or choose to say "No". It's not a matter of being perfect or living up to a standard it's about saying you're willing to travel that road with God and see where it takes you. That's it! Ellen White also wrote in Steps To Christ that you come to Christ first and the rest will follow. So, we shall see smile
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/08/14 06:32 PM
I won't hijack any further but I will say, RockJC, that you are absolutely correct. It's conflict. I want to follow God's direction as laid out in His word and it conflicts with my own desire to keep my little family together as I've held on so long. I know I should let go and let God, I just have such a control freak mentality!!!! smile
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/08/14 06:55 PM
Mish, we all "know" lots of things! I "knew" my wife and I would be together forever...and guess what. "Letting go and letting God" is one of those buzz phrases we Christians throw around that is of little help usually. I'll bet most people sitting in pews and spewing those half hour prayers don't "let go and let God". I think it's a matter of coming to God as you are, with whatever you've got and saying "I'm willing to try". One of the reasons I like my church so much is that we're highly unpolished performers. We mess up the church service all the time. The first time I went the usher tripped over the pew while collecting the offering and landed on her butt while the person leading prayer drew a complete blank. I thought "I can fit in here" lol. Our congregation comes to God with what we've got and it's OK...no matter how little it may be sometimes. Our choir soloist stinks...but that's OK too...he's offering what he's got to give. I don't know the answer to your sitch but it saddens me to know that you're not getting what you need from a community that meant so much to you. Not blaming, just saying I wish you felt you could.
Posted By: RockJC Re: Let the thread begin - 12/09/14 03:13 AM
Whatisis, you are right. You come to God as you are, but at some point you surrender and let him steer.

I have an old school GPS (All my friends use their cell phone). I put in an Address and at every turn it tells me what I should do. Of course, I don't have to listen. It says to turn right, but if I want, I can go straight.

The problem is, when we reject direction from God, we end up getting lost. "Letting go" is not just a buzzword. It is acceptance that you are lost. Acceptance that reliance on your own decision making leads to regret. I am starting to let go, and it truly is the path to peace.

Everyone is a work in progress (A "fixer upper" if you have you ng girls addicted to frozen). But, getting fixed requires surrender.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/09/14 04:00 AM
Very true! That's how we start that walk with God...but at some point we have to be willing to let him lead.
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/09/14 01:59 PM
I'm more than willing to let him lead, my biggest problem is that I don't see where He's leading and end up feeling like I'm in worse limbo than ever.

Ok, I know I said I didn't want to hijack but I'm enjoying this conversation with other strugglers! smile

Do you ever feel like you were trying to listen to God's direction but you somehow missed it? What if you missed the 'key' direction and now the rest of your life is off it's path with no make-up plan because of a misstep? Yes, that sounds fatalistic even to my own ears but it's just this strange feeling I get. It's like at some point years ago I made a major decision that was not God's plan for me and now there is no fixing it.

Your thoughts? Do you have this feeling or is it just me???? LOL
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/09/14 02:34 PM
If God wants you to do something He'll come back! He doesn't just give one chance and that's that. Look at the "heroes" from the bible...how many time did they mess up but they still served God. Noah was a drunk, Moses was a murderer, Joseph was a snot nosed little brat, David...well, let's not even go there, and Abraham "she's not my wife, she's my sister!" Peter denied the Lord three times after declaring he would never betray Jesus and Catholics consider him have been Jesus main man "the Rock"! There's always a second chance...don't give up. Give it time and prayer. I'd also say GO TO CHURCH...seriously! Often people will say they can be Christians without going to church but just believing without fellowship is a hollow and oft times lonely faith. We need each other. Christianity is all about relationship. Jesus didn't come to earth and do his thing alone, the first thing he did was gather disciples. Could he preach and heal without them? Absolutely. Yet, he chose relationship over individuality. Why? Church fellowship is far from perfect...we're all broken in some way or another. Is your brokeness (sp?) any worse than anyone else's there? I doubt it. There are no perfect people in the church (as you well know)...just people trying. Think about it. Sermon over lol.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/09/14 02:47 PM
If you have time read this article/sermon, "Jesus is for Losers" by Shane Claiborne

http://www.baylor.edu/content/services/document.php/57702.pdf
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/09/14 04:51 PM
Thank you Wii!! Love the article and what you had to say.

And sermon away brother!
Posted By: Underdog Re: Let the thread begin - 12/09/14 05:08 PM
Mish,

He came for the sinners, ya know! And as far as I can tell, I have yet to meet someone that wasn't one. wink

Quote:
I'm more than willing to let him lead, my biggest problem is that I don't see where He's leading and end up feeling like I'm in worse limbo than ever.


In the Catholic faith, this is considered sin. I used to think it was completely stupid, but much later down the road, I understand why they label it so. It goes against everything divine. It's the opposite of faith. The saying "Let go and let God" is all about this!

When my XH walked out, my faith was tested. But I had to face the reality that my path svcked and I no longer could see what was in store for me. I had to trust that He knew. It didn't take a rocket science class to figure out that He loves me in all my sin, but why not trust Him for a change?

Our pastor calls the bible "Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth". (That always makes me chuckle.) The answers are there. Matthew, 14:22-33 is one of my favorite passages about being afraid of where He is leading. In fact, I love Matthew best. His books kick my a$$! And guess what? He was definitely a sinner.

Quote:
Do you ever feel like you were trying to listen to God's direction but you somehow missed it?


Well, like Wii said, He'll come back. The next lesson may not be as easy because it works that way. But if you pray, meditate or visualize and then follow, it has never not worked for me. Never.

Quote:
It's like at some point years ago I made a major decision that was not God's plan for me and now there is no fixing it.


BS. I made one too. It *was* life altering. But it is a lesson I took with me from that day forward and I was able to see the gift in all my imperfection. Like you love Marc, he doesn't have to be perfect for you to continue to love him, right? You'll always want him to come out on top. If he asks for your help, you will gladly sacrifice to give. That's the way our Lord is with us. But we have to ask first.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/11/14 02:36 AM
Tonight at Bible Study the topic of intentional versus unintentional sin came up. My friend Agnes said, "everyone says stupid and inappropriate things sometimes" and I said "I don't" ...and everyone burst out laughing, even the Pastor. Hmmm. I don't get it wink I also asked if I could attend the business meeting on Sunday...which I can. Agnes said "Pastor, we need to get this guy dipped" and I said "Agnes, I'm not a cone from Dairy Queen that you can just turn upside down and dip!" Pastor said "that's a good comparison, Whatis!" So that's my night.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/11/14 05:29 PM
New lady on Match. I messaged her yesterday and she apparently responded very late in the evening, "Hi Whatis. Thanks for your email. I do like your profile and see a few things that we have in common. It's getting too late now and I can't write for long but would like to drop you a few lines. Chat later... Good night". I appreciated that. She's the only one I've messaged since my last date. I just haven't felt like it. She seemed like someone I'd like to get to know so I took a shot. As always, we shall see.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/12/14 01:00 AM
Enjoyed driving to work today in the snowstorm. I had my choir CD in and was belting out the tunes while driving 20km and hour. Tonight after work I got home and grabbed my p & s and hit the streets for some nice snowfall shots of the neighbourhood. It's funny, I notice that when I'm roaming with my camera I'm whistling or singing and don't even know I'm doing it! Photography makes any kind of weather an opportunity...which is pretty neat smile
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/12/14 02:39 AM
That's fabulous Wii!
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/12/14 03:43 AM
Thanks Mish. Hey, I think I've got another really nice lady here. She's sending me lengthy, interested emails and asks questions. She works in health care too...in IT at a hospital downtown. She used to sing in her church choir but now looks after the infants and toddlers instead. Her church is the denomination I first went to when I began my faith journey. Nice lady so far...and has a sense of humour too smile
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/12/14 05:28 PM
Profile of the day award goes to....

Here are top 15 things you should know about me:

1. Originally from the Philippines. I have been living in Toronto, Canada since 1987.
2. I have never been married and I don't have children.
3. I am a homeowner.
4. My dress and suit size is 2 petite and shoe size is 5-1/2 to 6.
5. My finances are in order.
6. I have two high school diplomas.
7. I am a pretty decent cook.
8. I bake cookies and dessert from scratch.
9. I worked in the financial district of downtown Toronto for 20 years.
10. I had my first crush at age 7.
11. I am a cheap date. I don't drink too much alcohol but I love Bailey's.
12. I listen to all kinds of music. I have over 200 CDs.
13. I have a collection of shredded money.
14. I love homemade buttermilk pancakes with bacon for breakfast.
15 I get my teeth cleaned 4 times a year.
Posted By: Rick1963 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/12/14 07:06 PM
14. I love homemade buttermilk pancakes with bacon for breakfast.
15 I get my teeth cleaned 4 times a year

I am in love already. This ^^^^is worth a date or two.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/12/14 07:29 PM
I want to know more about the shredded money collection...as a kid I used to collect election signs so we're perfect for each other! Btw, Adventists don't eat bacon... so she's out lol!
Posted By: Rick1963 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/12/14 07:55 PM
You don't eat bacon? And she didn't say that she won't date someone who doesn't....And yeah the shredded money thing wonder what that is about?
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/12/14 09:05 PM
NO BACON???????? I thought that was just a personal choice, not a religious one! Life just wouldn't be worth living! LOL
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/12/14 10:51 PM
Pigs would disagree lol.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/13/14 12:34 AM
More profile gems

"if you are 88% awesome, feel free to drop me a line."

Favourite things "playing hide and sick"

"corn soup is a must after dancing"
Posted By: Rick1963 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/13/14 01:22 AM
Mishka imagine a life with no bacon or wine WTF would that be like? And no chocolate? Bacon is sexy. .
A lady who mentions bacon on her online profile is sexy and worth a date or three.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/13/14 01:42 AM
...and if she mentions makin' bacon it's worth paying for those dates!
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/13/14 03:05 AM
Wow, this new Match lady is amazing. She lives downtown but used to live where I live and still goes to church up here every Sunday. She told me about her kids, their names and what they're doing and wrote "one of your daughters must be in university and the other in high school. Tell me more about them" then she said my job sounded so interesting and she'd like to know more...she ended with "I hope you can tell me more about yourself in person one day" Did I bite? Damn right!
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/13/14 04:26 AM
Hooray, we're going to the St Lawrence Market and then Harbourfront together tomorrow afternoon...wish me luck smile
Posted By: Rick1963 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/13/14 12:37 PM
Good luck
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Let the thread begin - 12/13/14 01:13 PM
Good luck WII! Be cool. Follow her lead. She sounds like a great match but you won't know til you get there.

Bon voyage! I'm off to Quebec!

Barb
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/13/14 01:57 PM
Absolutely Barb! I'm looking forward to a nice afternoon sharing with someone new. After that, who knows. Have a safe trip.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/14/14 02:13 AM
Date over. Good time was had by all. We couldn't find each other at our meeting place and I lost her in the restaurant...otherwise everything went well lol. We went for coffee and 3.5 hours later left. Lovely lady. I'll see her again. Here's her thoughts on online dating, "most men don't even read your profile. Most of the messages I get are about my photos "You're pretty"..."you have a nice smile" Well, I know I'm pretty and have a nice smile and, yes, it's nice to hear but I want men to recognize who I am not just how I look!" Guess why I get replies! I also felt so sad when she told me about the plight she had at her church. She divorced seven years ago and she had to attend a meeting where they decided whether or not to revoke her membership. I said "I am so sad to hear that at probably the worst time of your life, when your church family should have been wrapping their arms around you and loving you, they were judging you" OMG, that is so sad. They voted that she could stay but she said she left for a long time. She felt so angry that they felt they could judge what went on in her home. She came back but doesn't sing in the choir but "stays low" by working in the nursery. God is love...WTH is wrong with these people! Anyway, she's a great listener, she's interested, she shares and has a great smile and laugh. Is she my "dream girl"? Nope, but that's ok too. There was lots of good stuff there so we shall see. I walked her home and she said "you're really walking me home?" and I said "a gentleman will always walk his date home and that's what I'm going to do!" We hugged and said goodnight and that was that.
Posted By: Rick1963 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/14/14 12:39 PM
What is your dream girl? Glad it went well
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/14/14 02:35 PM
I dunno Rick lol! I guess what I meant was that I didn't come away feeling "the magic" but again, that's not a must when you first meet someone. We obviously like each other and we shared a great deal and that's pretty important too. We talked about how at our age we may be just too set in our ways...and that's a factor for both of us. I told her that I'm quite happy with my life and independence and I'm not looking to jump head over heels into a relationship. She's very independent and likes her life as is too. So, we'll see. I'll try not to over think it lol.
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/14/14 07:44 PM
I sounds like you may be able to have a lot of fun together. If it develops into something more, great. If it doesn't, that's great too. Just having someone to be with and enjoy doing things together is one of the biggest blessings in life IMO.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/16/14 03:23 PM
I saw this on my Facebook feed and thought I'd share:

15 Really Annoying Things Christian Singles Hear

“I can’t wait to see the person God has for you!” Yeah me too, that’s the point, keep bringing it up, please.
“God is just waiting to give you someone really special.” – As if all those who’ve already married aren’t.
“God isn’t saying no, He’s saying not right now.” Yes. I see that. Thanks so much.
“Jesus is enough.” Well, now I feel terrible AND single. Appreciate it!
“You just need to focus more on God.” And you need to focus more on not saying ridiculous things.
“Have you prayed about it?” Only every moment of every day of my life. How about you?
“Have you tried online dating?” Is that code for: ‘You’re desperate’? Plus, my 30-day trial ran out.
“Singleness is a gift!” In that case I’d like to speak with customer service because I’m in need of a return.
“I have a friend who’s single, too.” And I care because…? Unless they’re cute and you’re going to hook me up!
“You’re just too picky.” Oh, is hoping for someone of the opposite sex with all their teeth in place asking for too much?
“You’ll get a ring by spring!” Apparently my love life has frozen over, because I’ve been stuck in Polar Vortex.
“God will bring him/her at the right time.” As opposed to the wrong time? Or ANY time?
“What have you done to put yourself out there?” Oh, nothing. Just online dating, blind dates, singles groups, bible studies, and a small casually placed ad in the paper.
“Why are you still single?” Why are you still talking to me?
“Your future spouse isn’t just going to show up at your door!” or better yet “Stop looking and he/she will show up!” Wait…so I should wait, or he’s going to show up at my door? Which is it, people? Either way…not helping.


Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/16/14 08:08 PM
Profile gem

"He also should have the same personality as I mentioned. Besides that, he should also be sane."
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/16/14 08:25 PM
Profile gem 2

"Pasta as a food group is the stupid cute boy you promise yourself you'll break up with and then he takes off his shirt"
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/16/14 08:27 PM
Hot day! Profile gem 3

"I will pick up worms on a rainy day and put them back in soil"
Posted By: Rick1963 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/17/14 12:43 AM
Wii when I started dating I met this red head. 1st date was at the beach. 2nd date at a bar. 3rd date at her place. Her test was her dog. If he didnt mow me down I was good to go. He loved me. She said next time "you can have your way with me". So I hid my POF account.

Today I get an email from a Chinese lady who we emailed each other back in 2012? Last comunicativo she tried killing herself last year. Today she says hey Rick im in NYC.

Life is good
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/17/14 03:57 AM
Lol Rick. Hey, my best friend just told me that a woman he dated for about three months... nine months ago and who disappeared without a word is coming to his place Friday to return a guitar she borrowed. Life is weird lol.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/18/14 02:39 PM
I'm having a difficult time with my girls...and I've drawn a line in the sand. Forever I have been trying to get them to pick up after themselves, wash their dishes etc and I have tried different methods of trying to make this happen. I blew up a few times and their behaviour changes...for an evening and then we're right back to more of the same. I've told them how disrespected I feel etc. The past two months I have tried to hold my temper and approach it in a gentle reminder type way to no avail. Tuesday I'd texted D20 and asked her to clean up the dishes in the kitchen so that when I come home I'm not cooking in a dirty, dishfilled kitchen. I came home and the sink was still filled with dishes. I asked why they had not been done and she replied "I did mine" OMG, that was it. I told them both that I was taking all the dishes out of the kitchen and leaving them with a bowl, a plate, knife, fork and spoon and that's it. I told them that enough was enough. This has become not only disrespectful but abusive. I told them that it ends now. They need to tell me whether they want to live in a co-operative way or live with their mother. I said "let me know soon or I will assume you are both moving out" Then I went to a movie. Last night D18 was taking care of her dishes but D20 when she returned I found a dirty bowl, cup and an empty bag of some food item she bought. I left her a note "this gets cleaned up by the time I get home or I throw it out. This ends now or pack!" I am so done with this nonsense. So it's change your behaviour or get out...I'm that pissed.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/18/14 03:21 PM
I think in the next few days I need to calmly sit down with them and explain that I am no longer willing to live this way. I am 56 years old and not spending any more time and energy on policing my adult children in regards to picking up after themselves. I'll ask how we can deal with this situation and if they are not willing to live in a co-operative fashion then they'll need to talk to their mother about living with her. She's battled with them for years about doing chores etc and apparently has been much more successful in getting some action. But her method is too outlast them and spend her time spouting and feeling anger. I'm not doing that. Uh uh. But I am at the end of my rope. I love them very much (and told them that too) but I'm not spending mid life doing this...it's gotta end NOW.
Posted By: Underdog Re: Let the thread begin - 12/18/14 05:47 PM
Wii--I think this is exactly the approach you *should* take. You don't have to act like Voldy to get results.

I kinda laughed about your D20 washing her own dishes. LOL. That is something I would have definitely done back then. I think kids that age can be incredibly self absorbed... unless it's brought up to them.

FTR, I share your unhappiness at the dirty dishes scenario. A couple of years ago, my D20's commentary after dinner was "I'll do dishes later". Then at bedtime, "I'll do it tomorrow." She'd come up and find the kitchen clean, and I'd give her the stink eye and call her out. (She was in her self absorbed phase.) One day she told me to lighten up, and suggested I was OCD about dirty dishes. I told her back, "I'm not OCD. It just makes me happy to come down to a clean kitchen in the morning. If I knew it was one thing that I could do that made YOU happy, don't you think I'd do it?" From that point forward, she's never said a word about doing dishes. When she cooks, I do them. Last night, we both cooked and both cleaned up. And surprisingly, I'm in a much better mood when that little issue isn't just triggering my inner biatch. When Momma's happy, everyone is happy. Just sayin'. grin In your case, it's Daddy.

I let her live in her incredibly slobby room. I just shut the door. She knows that I want her bath (which is the main bath on the lower floor) kept tidy. It doesn't have to be sparkling, and she can keep her stuff on the countertops. She just can't let the makeup be smeared all over the sink so that the rest of us wonder if our hands are dirtier after washing them. I'm also not one of those neat freaks anymore. Our family room pretty much always has throw blankets thrown on the couch (not folded), and remote controls spewn, as well as shoes under the coffee table. But slobbiness and dirt does not work for me either.

Good luck getting it to end NOW.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/18/14 06:39 PM
All I'm asking is a commitment to trying. I'm no neat freak...far from it but I'm not willing to spend my life policing my adult children about dishes and wrappers. I'm also not willing to spend my life cleaning up after them. I have all the dishes, cups and utensils in the trunk of my car. I'm done taking crap. This hurts me so much 'cuz I love them so much but it's time to respect myself. If they don't want to follow suit they can live elsewhere.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/18/14 06:51 PM
I just sent them both a text, "So, are we going to try and live in a co-operative manner or are we going to ruin Christmas? I luv you both and don't expect perfection (I'm certainly not perfect) but I do expect an attempt by both of you to respect my needs. Are you in...or out?"
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/18/14 07:18 PM
D20 texted me back and said "Yes, that's fine but D17 and I have some concerns we don't voice and would like to talk about them too. Maybe we can do that when we're all together." I responded, "that's fine too but just keep in mind that if you're going to start throwing demands at me right now it may not go well for you. I want to know that my girls care enough to value and respect my feelings right now...that is what I need." We shall see.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/18/14 07:52 PM
After another exchange I told her "I'm open to your concerns but keep in mind that I am in no frame of mind to be handed a set of demands right now...I know I'm not perfect but I'm a damn good father and you keep that in mind before you put anything on the table for discussion. I will not negotiate respect for my feelings...that's non-negotiable" She phoned me a few minutes later and said that she was at the store and wondered whether I liked Almond or Soy milk...and then told me she was going to make dinner tonight. It's a start.
Posted By: RockJC Re: Let the thread begin - 12/19/14 02:31 PM
Wow, I feel guilty. My 3 girls and I live with my 70 year old dad. The 4 of us have the bad habit of moving from one thing to the next without cleaning up. I never thought of it as being disrespectful. It probably doesn't help, but at least one person heard your message.
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/19/14 03:05 PM
Well, on our way to my Mom's to help decorate her Christmas tree the girls and I had a good talk. They had a plan called "zoning" where each of us takes a certain part of the apartment and is responsible for general upkeep. D20 is taking the kitchen, D17 is taking the bathroom and I am taking the living room. I think they got this idea from their jobs...zoning. Anyway, they had a few other suggestions and things they disliked about our living sitch e.g. D20 doesn't like me leaving my books on the living room table cuz she has nowhere to put her dirty dishes lol. So they both agree that we stick with a sparse amount of dishes otherwise they pile up. It went well and they listened to my pet peeves e.g. change the toilet paper roll, hang the bathroom mat when you're done etc. WE shall see...at least we saved Christmas lol.
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/19/14 04:39 PM
YEA!
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Let the thread begin - 12/19/14 06:38 PM
Sounds like it went well. I have a similar problem when my grown kids are here. They would not change a roll and tend to spread out everywhere. This year I am going to discuss how we will keep things looking good with their help. Brandon is usually pretty good but sits in my fav chair,moots the TV etc. we have other tvs for hockey & other chairs. I also asked him to babysit one night so Josh & I can go out as it is rare we get to do so. He was happy to comply. I think he just needed to be asked.

Communication is key. Aren't you glad you spoke up?

Barb
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/21/14 06:37 PM
D20 cleaned the entire kitchen last night! Today she woke up and told me that she was so happy. She says she's spending time with her friends and has a decent amount of hours at work (she's also pulling two nine hour overnights Monday and Tuesday doing set up work in the store...and doesn't seem to mind!) She feels like a part of the team there, enjoys her work and is getting lots of nice compliments from her customers. A manager also complimented her on how well she handles difficult clients. This is all music to my ears...after the last few years anyway.
I spent six hours yesterday wandering around downtown photographing my city. Hey, come to think of it, I might have photographed the theatre that Barb was at watching Donnie and Marie at!
I finished my Xmas shopping at 9:30 am this morning at Walmart . I bought some wrapping paper and I'm all ready to desecrate the sanctity of Christmas by doing my own wrapping. What must be...must be.
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Let the thread begin - 12/22/14 02:58 AM
Cool WII! Did you catch Josh & I exiting the theatre? We walked a block or so because we parked at Roy Thompson. Used to go to the Symphony regularly so we are used to that parking lot. Great show!

Glad you are seeing positive changes in your daughter. Sometimes it just takes time. And a different approach.

Picked up my son (lives in Little Italy) and drove north with Jim. I've invited him to Florida for the past 3 years. Gave up. Today I didn't mention it & he told me he thinks he might visit me there. Progress!

Barb
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Let the thread begin - 12/22/14 03:55 AM
Drove north with "him" not Jim. His name is Brandon.

Barb
Posted By: whatisis Re: Let the thread begin - 12/22/14 02:08 PM
Glad you enjoyed the show...I was shooting in Little Italy too (I bought a day pass for the TTC).
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Let the thread begin - 12/22/14 02:57 PM
Your paths crossed so close!!!! smile

Wii, your pictures bring such a smile to my face. Thank you for sharing them!
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Let the thread begin - 12/22/14 08:15 PM
Cool! One of these days WII, we must meet for coffee.

Barb
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