The anniversary came and went without one mention from me or Gabe. Most of the day I didn't even think about it since I was very busy at work. When I got home it kind of caught up to me but I was determined to just ignore it. The next night we went out to dinner and he made a comment about something (I don't remember what he heck it was now) and I said, 'You mean like yesterday?'. He stared for a minute and then it dawned on him what the date was and he said, 'sorry.'. That's it. No further discussion. Nothing.
It really put into perspective just how little the past means to him. I wish I could let go of the past completely like that. How freeing it must be! ARGH! Too many darned sentimental feelings tied to dates and things that just push my buttons.
Oh well, what is done and over is done and over and I'm moving forward! MARCH!
Marc is still on track to graduate bootcamp on 3OCT! We leave on 2OCT for Chicago and I just can't wait to see him! I've made a poster for our hotel room door and we got a challenge coin for his Ship number at the training center as well as a new watch to give him. One proud mama here!
9 sleeps! 9 sleeps until I get to see Marc!!!!
Aww Mish, it will be here before you know it. So happy for you.
kat
Hey Mish,
It's Thursday - only 8 more sleeps to go for you!
It will be here before you know it! The graduation ceremony for boot camp is pretty exciting and I know you are going to be so proud of your son and you will be amazed at how he has changed and matured!
Happy for you!
BA
7 more sleeps until I see my boy. I should be receiving a call today sometime saying 'I'm a sailor!" assuming he passed his final overnight test. I'm sure he will, he's tougher than he looks. LOL
I don't think I shared this before but I was waiting for it to be official.
I'm going on an agent fam trip (that's a familiarization trip) sponsored by Korean Air to Bangkok and Seoul. 20OCT-26OCT. They have put together quite a trip and I'm super excited about it! I haven't been out of the country (except on a cruise) in a LONG time and never to Asia. YEA!
Wow, lots of good stuff happening in your life Mish! Enjoy
It's official! Marc is a sailor in the US Navy!!!!! He passed the final 12 hour overnight test. Brutal. If you'd like to see a synopsis of it Google battle stations 21. Intense
Congrats to Marc! You can be a very proud Mama!
Barb
Congratulations to Marc (and you of course)!!! Is his graduation this Friday?
BA
Yes! We are leaving tomorrow to fly up there and Friday morning, bright and early at 8:45 CDT the graduation starts! The Navy live streams it if you all want to watch.
Just search navy bootcamp and you will eventually find a link to it.
So proud and excited!
I am so glad that this is working out for him. You have every right to be a proud Momma!
Congratulations!
kat
Boot camp graduation ceremonies are very patriotic and impressive - you will absolutely love it! What duty station is he heading to for job training after boot camp?
BA
My son's Marine boot camp graduation was quite an experience. You will be so proud of him!
JEFF!!!!!!!!!! OMG! How are you man????
BA - He's headed to Meridan, MS for A school (Logistics Specialist) and then....who knows.
Jeff, your son is a Marine? Congrats! Gabe was a Marine and I went to his graduation at MCRD many moons ago. That was awe inspiring. I can't wait to see my son come through those doors Friday. I have a large supply of tissue coming with me. I'll post pics in the alt.
Kat - You know just how hard it has been getting to this point. I just can't wait to see how this has changed him. I'm sure he's done a lot of growing up in a BIG hurry.
Well, my son was in the Marine Reserve until this summer, he just got his discharge recently. MCRD was an impressive place, and graduation was an impressive event!
I'm well, I even started a new thread. I will probably only be an occasional visitor!
I'm Baaaaaaack.....LOL
Graduation was an awe inspiring spectacle and Marc looks so happy and proud in his uniform. He is excited about what's to come but frustrated that he is on medical hold at Great Lakes for a couple of weeks. He's not entirely sure why and he doesn't want to ask for fear of opening some can of worms. I don't blame him. The government loves to find reasons to disqualify you from something! He's spending these couple of weeks escorting recruits to/from medical and legal and cleaning 'the ship' and standing watch. He said it's scut work but he'll take it.
We took him into Chicago last Saturday and froze our behinds off. It was 20 degrees below their normal and we were not prepared at all. It was drizzling rain too which was turning to stinging ice pellets in the wind. Oh joy! We went to the top of the Willis Tower and Marc went out on 'the ledge'. Crazy experience and he loved every minute of it. We went and had real Chicago style pizza afterward and, I have to say, NY has NOTHING on Chicago in pizza! That was AMAZING! It's definitely not portable but that made it more of a meal instead of a snack. I must find someplace here to get it. SO GOOD!
Anyway.....that's all for now. Nothing much else going on. I'll be leaving for Thailand and Korea on 20OCT so until then I'm going to be figuring out how to pack lightly for a 30-40 degree temperature swing!
My heart is completely breaking for Marc. He was just informed today that he is being medically separated from the Navy. He is devastated and despondent. He had no other back up plan for his life. This was it. Now.....who knows. I can't stop crying.
He said they are separating him because they found the ADHD in his pediatric records. We had been told that was not an issue since he hadn't been medicated for so long for it.
I am sorry Mish. Is there anything he can do say on the recruiting side or civilian side? He will figure this out and bounce back, I promise. Just give him time.
kat
There may be some way to appeal, that seems like a pretty weak reason. I wonder if his initial recruiting contacts can help?
It's a pretty weak reason, but he didn't disclose it and we didn't think it was relevant anymore. He outgrew it and hadn't been on meds for such a long time that he just didn't think of it.
I'm trying to convince him to file an appeal for a medical waiver and NOT come home right now. Stay there and fight it out. If he comes home and tries to fight from here the odds are even worse.
I talked to him this afternoon for a few minutes and he is a total wreck.
I agree with your strategy Mish. He has a much better chance fighting this while there than if he leaves. It really [censored] that they are holding something against him that is no longer an issue. Anyway you can get his family doctor to certify that he is no longer afflicted with ADHD?
BA
Probably but he hasn't seen him in over 2 years. He was his pediatrician and when we stopped the meds, he never went back because he never had any problems.
I'm starting to blame myself for all of this. I just didn't realize he should have said something to the recruiter about it since it wasn't an issue any longer and it had been so long since he had the meds. All was normal....or so we thought. Apparently, that's not acceptable to the US government.
Lesson is, if any of you have kids that want to serve their country, they better not have ever had any medical issue or it will likely disqualify them. Only the perfect need apply.
Sorry, I'm getting really angry and upset now.
Get mad, it's healthy! So sorry, Mish. No advice just a big virtual hug.
Mish,
Fight back. Letters and calls to Senators and/or your Congressman/woman work wonders when dealing with the Military. Just a thought. You have a young man who is willing to serve his country, has successfully completed basic training and is now being held back by a medical diagnosis that is no longer valid. Seems to me like you have a pretty good case.
BA
I'm baaaaaack.......
The trip was amazing and exhausting all at once. Great experience all in all.
Marc is coming home tomorrow. Because it was diagnosed outside of the Navy he has to come home and fight from here. I have zero clue when or how he is coming home. He hasn't contacted either of us so we don't know when to pick him up, where to pick him up. Flying home? Bus? NO CLUE! This is making me crazy!
Marc got home last night. He is doing ok. Anxious to try to get back in to the navy. I'm not very hopeful since less that 1% of those that are separated every get back in but I won't share that statistic with him.
I'm so tired of being stressed out all the time. I'm exhausted!
All the best with it, Mish. It's so disappointing and stressful for the whole family. It's one thing to be rejected before you get into the Navy but to go through the whole training process, graduate and then be told you're out...wow! Thinking of you.
Sorry, Mish. I imagine that it's super difficult to be turned away, after putting in so much effort. Just remind yourself, that it may be for the best. Like they say, "Things happen for a reason". Maybe this is his new door opening to an awesome future.....Lots and lots of opportunity in this world. The Navy is only one of them.
You know, life just stinks most of the time! I'm so sick of it all! Grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I won't expound on it because I know you all are sick of my whining. I'm sick of it too!
I just needed to vent that out there for a second. This happy face is cracking around it's edges and I'm afraid someone is going to see the misery underneath. Can't let that happen! Life is hard enough without people knowing how much pain you are in so they can pile on.
Mish: Always remember there is always a "Plan B". Life doesn't always go exactly the way we plan but we can be flexible enough to roll with it. Marc has good health and he will choose another path. You can't even know that everything in the military would have worked out fine for him. One of my closest friends has a son who joined the military and planned his career. Now, 2 years in - he is leaving. It just wasn't his cup of tea.
There is more than one way to live a good life. It's all in the mindset.
I'm sorry for how you are feeling!
Barb
It just feels like all of my own bad choices, disappointments, destroyed dreams are perpetuating themselves on my son now.
People ask "what are your goals?" "What do you dream of doing?" "What plans do you have for your future?". None. Zero. My pat answer is always "When I figure it out I'll let you know." It's a cover. I can't exactly tell someone that I stopped dreaming and making plans and goals for myself about 20 years ago because I realized they were foolish and unattainable. Very few people get anything they want out of life. Daily survival is hard enough without putting the added stress of trying to reach some arbitrary goal.
Yes, that sounds very defeated. I know. It stinks. Reality bites though so you either accept reality or live inside your head with dreams that will never happen no matter what you do to work toward them.
Marc will find a way. He may end up living with me forever but is that really so bad? With no further education he won't be able to do anything and he HATES school so he has no desire to go back...EVER. Maybe I can guide him toward a vocational school but he doesn't have any interest in doing those jobs. I hope he changes his mind soon or he'll end up in a job with a name tag asking if people 'want fries with that.'. Working fast food or something similar is certainly not the dream he had for his life. I just hate that he found out this early just how cruel life can be.
People ask "what are your goals?" "What do you dream of doing?" "What plans do you have for your future?". None. Zero. My pat answer is always "When I figure it out I'll let you know." It's a cover. I can't exactly tell someone that I stopped dreaming and making plans and goals for myself about 20 years ago because I realized they were foolish and unattainable. Very few people get anything they want out of life. Daily survival is hard enough without putting the added stress of trying to reach some arbitrary goal.
Yes, that sounds very defeated. I know. It stinks. Reality bites though so you either accept reality or live inside your head with dreams that will never happen no matter what you do to work toward them.
Marc will find a way. He may end up living with me forever but is that really so bad? With no further education he won't be able to do anything and he HATES school so he has no desire to go back...EVER. Maybe I can guide him toward a vocational school but he doesn't have any interest in doing those jobs. I hope he changes his mind soon or he'll end up in a job with a name tag asking if people 'want fries with that.'. Working fast food or something similar is certainly not the dream he had for his life. I just hate that he found out this early just how cruel life can be.
It just feels like all of my own bad choices, disappointments, destroyed dreams are perpetuating themselves on my son now.
WTH? That doesn't even make sense Mish! C'mon, give yourself a break. You're a damn good Mom. He WILL find a way! My kid got suspended from University and now works about 4 hours a week, sadly enough but I know that she will find her way. I just have to love her and be there for her while she searches. Easy to say, I know...harder to do! Hang in there.
Mish,
I hope you take what I'm going to say in the spirit of love and concern, because it's meant that way.
Very few people get anything they want out of life. Daily survival is hard enough without putting the added stress of trying to reach some arbitrary goal.
Mish, this is absolutely not true. Period. They may not get everything. But what we get out of it is directly correlated to what we put into it. Period. These are the words of a severely depressed person. A person who cannot find joy in her own life because she's not been on the bandwagon of fixing what hurts. I think this is what keeps you from really working on your R with Gabe because you need to work on you first. What's the worst thing that could happen to address those wounds that seep out of your posts?
Everyone has bad stuff happen to them. Everyone. Pretty much everyone I know has had at least one life changing event happen as well. They are learning opportunities. We are not one dimensional beings. As Barb said, much of life is Plan B or even Plan X sometimes. And I'm going to use myself as an example here. This is stuff that very few people in my life know about me, and I've NEVER posted it. I share with my IC and people who know me intimately. But if it helps you, then I'm willing to open this wound. I've put it to bed with counseling and used it to propel me into the person I've become today.
In college I was date raped. It had very unfortunate consequences. I'm Catholic and I know how my faith community feels about them. But I had to follow what was in my own heart. It created a spiritual turmoil and made me feel "less than" for a really long time. I despised myself for putting myself in the position of making bad choices. I blamed others for leaving me behind. But I blamed myself for putting myself in the position to be taken advantage of.
The wounds were deep and very scarred. I still have a tough time trusting men. But I can't cast a net over every person with a penis because of the actions of one despicable individual. I work at it. Furthermore, at the time this was going on (I was 19), my faith definitely was faltering. I was a judgmental person. I saw things in absolutes - black and white with little options for gray, let alone hues of gray along the spectrum. I was harsh and condemning. And this one event was a pivotal, life altering event that changed my life forever. For the good. And I can say this with 100% certainty.
I focus not on the event, but what it forced me to see. What it forced me to become. I became a more compassionate person. A better friend. A more humble daughter and sister. And I learned to love me, wholly and completely - with all my flaws and despite some of the choices I had made. And I resolved to make better choices from that day forward. I have NEVER looked back.
I still have my diary for when I was going through that time. It's no longer heart wrenching. I feel detached from that 19 year old girl who felt those awful things. I look at her now as a sad person who morphed into something so much better. I forgive her and offer her my compassion now.
And the best part of this one is the message I carry with my D20. I've taught her responsibility, owning up to personal failures with compassion and strength. And I've counseled her friends as well. Her BFF transferred schools back home, she house sits for me when I travel and she tells me stuff that she can't tell her own mom. It's made me a better listener and friend in that regard too.
We are a sum of all those parts, Mish. It's not your job to figure out what Marc should do to find his passion in life. And just maybe he's watching YOU to see how he should approach his life. You might want to consider how he sees you tackling your own missteps and failings. Offer him the courage and strength to do the soul searching.
He may end up living with me forever but is that really so bad?
Mish, yes, it IS bad. It's bad for him. We raise our children to become independent, to be the people they are meant to be, the men they are to become. It's the way of things. When you leave this mortal coil, he needs to know that he's independent of you. His failings are not yours and vice versa. You and Gabe need to support him in his next move by encouraging him to seek some guidance from someone qualified to help him. And in the meantime, you show him what it's like to fix what hurts by taking care of yourself.
(((((Mish)))))
I hope you can find the hope and joy you so desperately need. It's out there, but you have to believe you are deserving. None of us can do that work for you, though.
Love, Betsey
I agree with Betsey. She can relate to what you went through. You have to heal that young lady inside you. I am terribly sorry that you both have gone through this.
Mish, you can get past this but you have to work through it. You can't allow them to have the power to dictate who you are all these years later.
Marc is going to be fine and he will figure out his plan b, c and all the way to z if necessary. Have faith in him and find that faith in yourself.
Love you and Bets. Big hugs to you both. kat
Dear God Betsey, a sisterhood I never want to have with anyone. It's a horrible thing to have happen and so scarring. I'm so glad to see that you were able to take the experience and use it ways to make you a lot stronger and more well rounded person. That is so wonderful.
I, unfortunately, went the other direction. I turned inward and haven't been able to get back out of the protective shell. I can trust but it's very limited. I don't judge men for what one man did but I don't trust my judgment at all and I talk myself out of taking chances on people and things all the time. I see them as doomed to fail or pointless because of the insecurities I hold on to.
Marc is just unmotivated. He says he wants a job to at least be doing something but he is limited as to where he can look because he has no transportation other than the golf cart. That limits him to the southern half of our town. There aren't many opportunities here. Even the fast food places aren't hiring. He needs a long term plan but I have no idea how to sit him down and form a strategy since I can't form a strategy for myself!
I love you guys so much. Although we have never met, I feel like you are some of the most honest, trustworthy people I've ever known. You are smart, successful, and brave and I appreciate all of your insight!
Mish,
Here's the deal. There are unhealthy patterns of behavior in your life that you inherited from your parents. Marc has inherited them from you. Someone can choose to change one's inheritance. If you want Marc's to change, then the most you can do is to change you.
Either you can keep making excuses, or you can get serious about breaking free of your codependency and take charge of your own life and happiness.
The first option will not help Marc lead a different life. The second will.
Started taking St. John's Wort again and it's starting to help some with the 'crazies' as I call them.
Marc still hasn't found a job and isn't even considering a plan of action. I'm not sure when I need to start pushing him to get with it. He gets his back up if we ask him questions about his thoughts on his future and it's tiring to say the least. He's just unmotivated.
Marc's birthday is tomorrow. I have NO clue what to get him! Gabe half jokingly said "a job". LOL If only we could just buy him one!
How about a bus pass to the nearest "work related" area? Was there no way he could work in the recruiting office even? I am sure he is depressed. You are going to need to show him what taking charge of your life looks like. Gabe too!
Big hugs, kat
No buses here.
We in a VERY suburban area. They tried to bring a bus line here to link to Atlanta and the citizens were outraged that they would even consider bringing a public bus into our pristine city. UGH! The recruiting office is actually 10 miles from us so there is no way for him to get there plus it wouldn't be paid work anyway. He needs to bring in a little money so he can get a car and then he will have more options for work and school. We can't afford to pay for a car and insurance for him. He's going to have to have some income to pay for it.
Happy Birthday to Marc! Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!
No making excuses. Your family needs to be "Solution Focussed". No motivation? How about some consequences?
Today I posted a story about giving independence to your child. It was NOT aimed at you (rather - at my sister) but I think you should read it & think about it.
Staying at home with no motivation will make him unmotivated, possibly depressed.
Encouraging him and not bailing him out will give him the opportunity to make a success of his life. That will conquer depression.
No more excuses, Mish. It's a long standing behavior in your life. But is it what you want for Marc?
Barb
Where is your story posted Barb? I would like to read it too. I know that my job is to raise my kids in such a way that they are able to live the fullest lives possible. I can't dictate the direction that they take. Sometimes I can only hope they will come to me when they have questions or need some guidance.
I can't live their lives for them any more than they can live mine. I used to think I had to include them in bucket list adventures and then it hit me...they may night have the same bucket list. why make myself broke including everyone when they may not even want to be on my path?
Love Marc, help him to stand on his own. Has he thought about vocational school or being an apprentice in another field that he might find interesting? Time for him to break the patterns that have held you all locked in place.
Happy thanksgiving, kat
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
Kat: I posted it on my wall this morning. My sister is seriously handicapping her 20 something kids - controlling and suffocating her kids - yet she does not see it for what it is. Her 26 year old daughter has never been on a date yet longs for a boyfriend. She is educated yet jobless - lives with her parents - calls them Mama and Daddy on FB where they call her Sweetie, Honey etc on FB. My daughter (same age) would unfriend me if I was so condescending to her. She spends her time pining over teen boy bands and wishing for the life she wants. But she does not get out there and make it happen. It makes me crazy but she does not want to see it for what it is.
Sorry for the hijack, Mish. Just trying to make a point. Not saying this is how you treat Marc. Just saying that it's important to encourage our kids to live life to its fullest potential.
Barb
Hey Mish, when my D20 was suspended from University her mother and I sat down with her each Sunday to review her plan of action for the coming week. We brainstormed with her but it was her job to look for a job and we followed up with her each week to see what she had and hadn't done. She hated it! There is always something he can do...even if it's volunteer work somewhere while he's waiting. Tell him he needs to do something 'cuz sitting on his butt doing nothing is not an option. I told voldy that if D20 isn't getting out there doing something then she'd better start looking for a new place to live where she can do nothing 'cuz it won't be my place (not saying you should do that, just saying that's what I said). He's been kicked in the stomach, no doubt and that takes a lot out of you but this is a time to build character. He need to brush himself off and get back out there doing something. I do feel for him, what a let down. But, doing something is better than doing nothing...a rolling stone gathers momentum. Good luck, I know how tough it is, I went through it with my D20 and thank goodness for the Xmas season 'cuz now she's at least working over 20 hours per week.
Just receeved this Adventist Thought Of The Day email a few minutes ago and thought I'd pass it on to you.
"There can be no reaping unless the human hand acts its part in the sowing of the seed."~ Ellen G White
Wii, I want to thank you for the discussion over on your thread. It really has given me some new direction in my walk in faith. Things have to change or there is no hope!
Thank you so much my friend.
The pathetic nonsense has to be over. Trust me, I don't dwell in that place all day but when it hits me this is the place I come to let it go and feel safe. I appreciate you all for putting up with me all these years!
I truly do love and appreciate you all. I hope that one day I can return the favor for any of you that may need a shoulder.
Marc has a couple of leads on jobs. He is nearly 100% convinced that he will not get back into the Navy no matter what kind of waivers he may get. Why? Because they are now discharging people for HEARTBURN! Seriously? Not acid reflux, simple heartburn! There are at least 6 sailors in the separation unit right now being discharged because of it. Can you say 'over-recruitment' and 'backlogged paperwork'? They are trimming recruit rolls as fast as they can in any way they can regardless of how it may hurt the sailors involved. It's pitiful.
Anyway, please keep him in your thoughts and prayers that he gets a job soon.
Prayers from me for sure!
He is at a crossroads in his life. Many of us start out planning one career and end up in another. My son, Brandon wanted to be a Travel Agent like you. He took Travel & Tourism in college. Worked at a hotel for a bit. They LOVED him. He was always getting "employee of the month" etc. Suddenly told me he couldn't see himself wearing a suit to work for the rest of his life (say what?). So he moved back home, went back to school while still working full-time and commuted to Toronto (90 min each way). Graduated top of his class at TARA (Toronto Academy of Recording Arts). Got a job in his field and loves it.
Daughter started out in Graphic Design at college. Hated it. Switched to General and studied Nutrition. Top of her class. ALso worked full time while commuting to Nutrition School in Toronto. Still LOVES it. Has taken jobs out of her field in order to move north to be closer to me but she's now in a full-time job in her field despite a 90 min each way commute again (in snowy weather) while maintaining a part time job at the grocery store.
I'm proud of my kids and their independence. It has taught them to be strong and to trust that it will "all be ok". But I know of so many friends' kids, nieces & nephews who, at Marc's age and a bit older struggle with "what to do". My advice - Do Something. Anything. It gives them experience, ambition, cash etc. Change can be made anywhere along the way as opportunities or ideas present themselves. One must always be open to it. Like me - who'd' have ever thought I'd go from running a dance school in Niagara to becoming a landlord up north. But instantly - it all changed. And it doesn't have to be forever. Change is good.
Thinking of you…
Barb
Mish, my thread is your thread...as long as you tidy up when you're done...remember to vacuum!
I will be honest, I don't know much about the military thing, but can't he join another part of the services? Or is it once you are out, you are out? See, I just don't know.
S22 still loves German and history but is so tired of the college thing. He will graduate next December. Who knows what he will do.
It is kind of comforting watching D16 draw as she does. She is getting really good, still hasn't had a class. Now she is working on drawing on her computer rather than having to scan everything in and transfer it over from her camera. she could draw for hours. It is her passion. Let's see where she goes.
Marc just needs to get out there. No time for woe is me. He has to keep moving to get his confidence up.
Sorry, I hijacked a bit too.
Hugs, kat
Dang, I had just typed a long entry and managed to lose it somehow!
This has been a strange but wonderful Christmas.
On the 23rd I started to get sick and by Christmas eve I realized it was a full blown flu. I spent my Christmas eve in bed medicated while I sent Gabe and Marc to our extended family Christmas Eve gift exchange. I was so bummed to miss it.
I started to feel a little better by Christmas morning. We had about an hour reprieve before Gabe started coming down with it. As of today we still haven't had our Christmas dinner because none of us has felt like making it.
In the 1 hour break in the illness in our house something extraordinary happened. I saw Marc and Gabe whispering together when I walked back in to the living room. Marc smiled and left the room and I didn't ask any questions. The two of them have a language of their own and I figured they were talking about one of their shared interests. Well, it was a shared interest, but not what I was thinking. Gabe came over, sat down on the couch next to me and said, "What would you think of us getting remarried?"
WHOA! Holy cow! Never in a hundred years would I have thought he would come to this on his own but he did. He said he loves me more now than ever and he wants us to be fully committed. Miracle.
The strange part of this is that for the last month I have been composing and rewriting a speech I planned on giving him on Christmas even when we got back from my family gathering asking him to commit to our relationship in full and marry me. That plan was waylaid because I was so sick. Divine intervention? I tend to think so. If I had taken that step it might have been to much of a push from me.
So.......next step........
I am SO happy for you Mish! This is just what you have wanted all along. Obviously it is what Gabe wanted to. He just needed to be sure.
So your worst Christmas has turned out to be your best Christmas! Sometimes you just don't know.
I think you should invite all of us - your cheerleaders - to come for this special celebration.
Love and Hugs,
Barb
Mish!!!! Congrats on such wonderful news!!! Wow!!!! I am so happy for you!!!
I came by to say Happy Holidays...and you and Kat have all this great news....glad everything is going so well for everyone!!!
Karen
Fantastic news, Mish! This has been weighing you down for so long. I'm so happy for you. What a wonderful Christmas gift!
What a serendipitous moment!! I am glad that you were both at the same point...finally! All of that angst gone. Your life is taking a turn into the land of wonderful!
I like Barb's idea, we should all come down to Atlanta for the wonderful day.
kat
I do not pop on here for just anybody young lady, but I thought it was worth my time to say a few things since I know how hard you have worked and the time that you have put in to your marriage and figuring out how to work through all that you have had to endure and experience.
First things first, congratulations on this latest experience, you have waited a long time to see where the road would lead and I am very proud of you for letting it take you rather than trying to dictate the end game. For those reading this for the first time who do not know what Mishka has been through, I will simply say that she has held her head high with dignity throughout this experience and seen it through with the best of them. Where some of us had to give up hope, she persevered through to the end.
Secondly, Gabe recommitted because you allowed him to figure it out and decide it was what he wanted to do. I seem to remember some conversations for you in the past where you had to understand that you cannot force it, you have to let it happen. This is a long journey for some, longer than some others in fact. If you believe in your heart that it can reconcile, then you continue down that path until you know the time is right for you to walk away. You didn't completely give up and allowed it to work out. Kudos Mish, now I will give you my last piece of advice, do not stop what you have learned just because of this event. Continue on with what you have learned because it worked to get you here and can work to make your new commitment wonderful.
I cannot believe you got me to come back on these boards
Such great news Mish - I am so happy for you!!!! It must have been very emotional for you to hear the words that you have wanted to hear for so long!!! Congratulations!!
BA
Congratulations!! Wishing you fair winds and following seas.
I think that you had actually started to write it out might have helped. You were getting to where you could express what you needed from Gabe. Let's face it Mish, you can't live on eggshells from here on out. You will need to talk about what you each need and not just hold it in. I suspect that these topics will become less emotional for you and won't be tear filled and thus possibly scare Gabe.
Love Gabe enough to trust him with your self. I am still so happy for you.
kay
What the hay!! I saw it auto correct right as I hit submit. Lol
kat
Love Gabe enough to trust him with your self.
That is so true, Kat.
Congrats, Mish! How awesome!
Congrats! Very happy for the two of you and the three of you :-)
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Pay attention to this:
"Gabe came over, sat down on the couch next to me and said, "What would you think of us getting remarried?
...
He said he loves me more now than ever and he wants us to be fully committed. Miracle."
Contrast it with this:
"Gabe came over, sat down on the couch next to me and said, "What would you think of us getting remarried?
...
He said he needs to know I love him and he wants me to fully commit to him. Seriously?"
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The first is what he said to you -- it was about him and his feelings for you.
Notice how different it feels *and is* from the second message...
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He reported about himself and invited you into a deeper relationship.
Reporting about oneself is easier and harder than making demands on others. It's also the most important key to developing greater intimacy.
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I think I must be a bit autistic because there is much greater humility and empathy in my words than is apparent in any first draft I write. Not having time to edit, I trust you to see the love and hope I'm sending you.
Thanks OT! It has been an amazing few weeks. It's like a tension between us that we didn't realize was there has been lifted with one simple act. No, it wasn't really simple, but you get my drift. One question, one expression of feeling can change everything. In our case it opened up the doors that had been held tightly shut for so long between us out of fear.
We haven't set a date yet but we aren't in any big hurry. Just having the commitment to each other is enough for right now.
Ok....opinions.
First, I don't want to leave here just because Gabe and I are getting re-married. I just love all of you too much and don't want to get out of the loop of what's going on. Is it ok if I hang around?
You better stick around!! We want to know what is up with you guys!
love ya Mish!
kat
Love you too!!!! Can't imagine my life without being able to check in on my favorite people!
(((((mishka)))))
Of course you stay!
I even show up now and then!
Hey guys! I've been so busy I haven't had any time to drop by and see what is going on with everyone.
My bad.
Things are going smoothly here for the most part. Marc still doesn't have a job and it's driving me insane! He has ZERO motivation. I just don't know what to do.
Gabe and I are great. I have a couple of trips coming up with friends which I'm looking forward to and Gabe and I are trying to decide when we want to get married and where. We just can't decide.
Thanks for the update Mish! Glad you and Gabe are doing well. Hopefully Marc gets his "mojo" back soon. Have you given him any deadlines to find a job, etc. That might help do the trick to get him back out there in the game of life.
BA
It's so hard to watch you child sit and do nothing. With my daughter we made her give us an agenda of what she was planning to do each week to get a job and the next week she would review with us what she had done...she hated it but as I told her "your job is to get a job"! She works at American Eagle now and her hours vary but at least she's doing something. She's also been accepted to a college program for September. Good luck, Mish...it ain't easy! Great news about you and Gabe...awesome to feel the love, isn't it