I went to visit my IC yesterday. I haven't seen her in probably nine months or so. I thought with D20's sitch and a number of other stressful things on my plate it might be good to check in. After the drive from hell getting to her place, I updated her on things. It was good to hear that Voldy and I are on the right track (in her view) in dealing with D20. She did say that it might be best not to hit her too early in this with the move your butt or move your stuff approach. We talked about my job stress. My job this past year especially is like being dropped into the middle of a combat zone each day. We also talked about my switching faith groups. I told her my strategy in dealing with all this stress was to concentrate on one thing at a time rather than trying to unwind the whole ball at once, it's too complicated and overwhelming. I'm doing Qi Gong each morning and some prayer/meditation in the evening. I figure that this is one area that will have a positive effect on all the stressful parts of my life these days.
In the evening D20 phoned and apparently her and Voldy had a all out battle. Voldy had a bad day at work...as usual, and came home "taking it out on us". When D20 was talking to me Voldy started yelling and they were arguing and D17 was getting into it too. Apparently, Voldy had thrown a plate earlier and i heard D20 say "Hey, if you wanna throw things I can call the cops, you know. If that's what you want I'll do it" Finally, D20 said she was going to hang up cuz Voldy was getting angry that she was talking to me. My advice to D20 was that she needed to de-escalate the sitch which means to stop arguing back with her Mom right now. Later, when everyone is cool then approach how to fix the situations that seem to trigger these outbursts. I didn`t run over to fix things, this is their issue to work out. So we had planned to meet tonight to discuss D20's job hunting strategies and lay down some expectations on her. We'll see...looking forward to it...not!
You are going to be fine. I really believe being a parent is the hardest job there is. You want so much for your kids and yet,they do become their own masters. You have to believe that the foundation you laid is solid and that they know you are there for support. In the end, they have to direct themselves.
Big hugs wii. Iwilllive be keeping you in my thoughts while you guys have your talk.
kat
Thanks Kat. I've suggested through text that we meet on Sunday afternoon instead of tonight. I'm thinking a breathing period might be good for both of them. Also, I can pick the kids up on Sunday and afterwards they'll be coming to my place and therefore Voldy and D20 will be out of each others hair. We discuss and then leave. I'm just so tired of this crap!
OK, meeting postponed. I was not looking forward to refereeing that tonight! It just kind of hit me that last night my kid threatened to call the cops on her Mom! It makes me smile for some reason lol. She takes no crap from Voldy...I kind of admire that, in a twisted kind of way lol.
Beautiful day today, the skies are clear and the sun is out...and I'm still breathing lol!
This morning I went to church and met a lovely lady who came over to introduce herself to me. She's one of the pianists. It's amazing how many people come from further than I do to be involved in this little church. Her and her husband drive one hour every Sabbath to get to church. I got my songbook today and apparently in September we're singing in public at a major square in Toronto. Let the fun begin!
My friend Agnes remains a character. Every time I see her I come home chuckling about something she said. It's good to smile! Today she says "these wooden pews are so hard. What this church needs is a good fire!" On Wednesday night she asked me "when are you gonna get dunked (baptised)?" I told her I would give it thought, she says "I know I seem pushy but one of the great things about being 82 is that you can be pushy and people let you get away with it!" She's priceless.
So tomorrow is the big meeting with Voldy and D20. What will be will be. What I must keep in mind is that this is not the defining moment in this situation. It's one step towards supporting my daughter. I need to not make more of it than it is. The sky will not fall if this meeting isn't a blazing success. It's a process...and Voldy is a bigger process lol.
I hate Voldy...that is all.
Oh dear.
I take it the meeting didn't go well at all.
So I take it she went off on her own tangent and made things worse. So sorry.
Hugs, kat
Actually, the meeting went well. D20 agreed that she needed to get her butt moving and was willing to provide us with a schedule of what she planned to do each week. Voldy, of course, had to tell her how disappointed she was in her blah blah blah. That's always a motivator for a kid who feels confused and defeated! Voldy is just so friggin negative...ugly and angry. She started telling me how "we" needed to be more responsible in getting D20 moving and, of course, babbled on about how we didn't do a good parenting job. I told her that there is a fine line between support and policing and I refuse to do policing. I said "I'm not doing it and I'm not spending my life living in anger and frustration either. This is her life, I will support her in getting where she needs to go but bottom line is that it's ultimately up to her to get things done, not you or me".
Good for you. I think Voldy likes being angry otherwise why would she always be so? It has to be giving her something. Were her parents like this with her? Might be a hard cycle to break but your kids have you to back them up.
kat
She's so much like her Dad, loved by the world until he got home and took it out on the family...his daughter is the same. When I arrived she was harping at the kids about what they hadn't done around the house. She knows how to set a mood, doesn't she? She's such an angry person. She takes jobs which are highly stressful, and being a perfectionist, puts more pressure on herself. She's so terrified of being seen as inadequate. Her Dad used to tell her she was stupid. If I had one bit of advice to give anyone dating it would be to look at the family of origin that your bf/gf came from cuz whatever was happening there WILL happen to you too. Anyway, D20 actually handled it well. I think the big blowout they had on Thursday may have had something to do with it. I called on Friday and they were going to the park for a walk together so that was nice to see. Voldy told me today "when we went for the walk she told me that when she lives on her own she was going to be a vegetarian and get a cat. I bit my tongue. I wanted to say don't you think you need a job first?" OMG, the kid can't even tell her Mom her dreams without the woman wanting to bitch at her.
Wii, let's share some ice cream! I just got Rocky Road at the store.
kat
I had a piece of blueberry pie that my D17 made...no ice cream though
Wii,
Damn, Voldy sounds like she's wired really tight, and her FOO issues are coming to roost here? I can't believe how well your D20 handled the situation. Kudos to her!
A few years ago I had an assistant whose parents emigrated from Vietnam for college, got married and then became citizens. She has an older brother. I also have cousins who are half Chinese as well as very close business relationships with a long time manufacturing partner. So what my asst told me was nothing I hadn't heard before, straight from the horses' mouth.
When she worked for me, her parents had been divorced for awhile and her mom passed away. My business partner and I gave her a few weeks off to tend to the details, as she was the executor of her mom's estate. When she returned, she came into my office and just sobbed. And it kind of surprised me that her sobbing had relatively little to do with her feelings about her mom's passing, but a whole lot to do with the yucky stuff she was processing.
W is such a bright and beautiful girl. She had her shite together from a young age - she saved her money and bought and rented out properties, put herself through school and was super industrious. And she was involved in a a horribly physically abusive R with a LT BF who ultimately went to jail for beating the crap out of her.
She had a good R with her dad, who was genuinely puzzled at their D and never understood why her mom was so angry with him enough to D him. They managed to set things aright before her mom died, but there was a long time in between. Her older brother is successful, but after he graduated college, he distanced himself from his mom. He'd be respectful and come to the expected gatherings, but he didn't do any more than that. (She had to spend time with her niece away from their mom, as this was his condition. Sad.) She was also successful, but was treated like crap. The B+ she got in math made her mom angry and instead of being happy for the daughter that graduated with a degree in CS with a 3.8 GPA, her mom told her how stupid she was for not making that a 4.0.
If she stopped by her mom's after work, her mom berated her for not coming sooner. If she wasn't there at noon to walk her mom's dog (by this time she was nearly bedridden with cancer), she was yelled at. You'd think that someone on their death bed might decide to be kinder? Yet no. Her daughter was the only thing she had left in this world, and she treated her horribly.
So when she vented to me as she sobbed, she let herself be angry. And she let me know she appreciated it, because in her culture, it would be frowned upon and she didn't trust her relatives not to berate her too. But now that I'm old, I know that people who judge so harshly are generally treated this way too. Somehow they say to themselves that since they turned out fine, their kids will too.
Voldy sounds like my assistant's mother. I haven't talked to her in awhile, but I hope she's doing well. At my suggestion, she went into counseling to let this stuff out and figure out why she's attracted to men who abuse her. She saw the link and decided that it was time to deal with it. I miss her. In the 23 years I've been with this company, she's one of 3 people who left that I cried about. I adored her.
I'm so glad your daughters have you for their dad. You're fully present with them and see them as people and not objects. I applaud you for forging through with someone so clearly unhappy. I can't blame you for how you feel. She'd make me hate her too.
Hope you are celebrating your awesomeness this week! 'Cause you are!
thanks Betsey! Parents expect a lot from their kids in Asian culture and are expected to look after them. Part of Voldy's problem is that she expects the kids to be fully aware of her needs and act on them without having to be told...and it doesn't work. Last night I took D20 out for dinner (D17 was out with bf) and then we went down to the Lake to take photos together. It was her suggestion(I have some on FB of D20 from last night). We had a lovely time. My IC had suggested that I take time to be just be with D20 every week or two. She had been out handing out resumes as she had said she would do. She had emailed us a copy of her job search plans for the week, as agreed. Voldy did email her back saying how proud she was of her for following through as she promised. Voldy is often an angry human being but, at least, she does often show love to her kids, believe it or not...when she's not being an angry child!
I'll say it again - Wii, you're a great dad! I'm impressed with your ability to navigate adult women. It must be a gift.
The Asian expectation was what I was trying to say all along. It certainly does not mean it isn't prevalent in people across the spectrum, but many of the Asian folks I've met have had to live up to impossibly high (and IMHO very unrealistic) expectations. They place a lot of importance on being respected, and this is how they earn respect. Not to mention the parental proudness factor.
The fact that your daughter can see some of this is amazing.
And I really would imagine that Voldy would love her kids. That is the one thing you two share. She just hasn't seemed to figure out the cause-effect thing. Sigh. At least you have.
Carry on with your awesome self.
I came home tonight and found D20 sitting here having done no job hunting today...and yesterday it poured so she didn't do any either. Tonight she's going with D17 to a Value Village to hand in a resume...and do a little shopping I'm sure. I told her that this was not good enough. Job hunting is a job, pure and simple. I expected to see her out every day doing something. There's always a reason not to do today what you can put off till tomorrow and that day is over...now! She stayed home today because she had planned to go to a shopping mall and hand out resumes but, hey, why waste a bus ticket today when you're going there tomorrow on the way to stay at bf's? So I asked her why she didn't go elsewhere then? I told her my patience has limits...so don't push it!!!
Maybe since she is thinking part time job she is putting part time into trying to get said job. Ok, don't throw stuff at me.
I had quite a discussion with one of S21's friends last night. He asked my opinion about quitting his current job. I thought he should suck it up for the next 6 weeks until school starts and or he has another job. I get that hours are long but welcome to reality. Work life for the most part, bites.
kat
Lol. After I went to bed last night the girls thoroughly cleaned our kitchen. D17 was excited because she'd bought a bread box at Value Village for $6 and, of course, the whole kitchen must be cleaned in order to meet the needs of the new bread box lol. I'm not complaining
...and D20 did drop off a resume. I told her last night before I left for my Bible study "I want to come home in the evenings and be able to say 'good job' not 'get your butt moving!"
D20 did her appointed rounds today and tonight we're going to an outdoor concert in the park together. D17 is working and out with friends afterwards. Onwards...
Veggie weiner roast after church tomorrow! I'm living the life now lol.
Damn, no veggie chili to put on the dogs. Apparently God does provide but only condiments lol! I was welcomed by the choir today and we ran through a few songs for our public gig, a lot of work is needed (especially on my part)...then we ate weinies in the parking lot.
Yesterday we held our first "check in" with D20 to review her job search from last week and hear her plans for the coming week. It went very well and D20 did not seem to bristle at Voldy's continuous badgering about appealing her school suspension. Voldy just can't get it through her head the D20 does not want to go to University this year! Anyway, D20 has an appointment with an academic adviser this week to discuss what she needs to do to go back to school next year, if she wants to.
Tuesday night Voldy and I are taking the girls and their bf's on a dinner cruise of the Toronto harbour...and apparently Voldy is paying (but that can always change lol) In August she's taking the girls to Montreal and Quebec City for a week and I will be left in peace.
Anyway, that's my update. Happy Monday!
Very good! I really hope she gets a job soon so maybe Voldy will lay off her a little. Being badgered does no good. Backing someone up against a wall will only cause most people to shut down completely. Only a few will come out swinging.
Voldy is over functioning. She's trying to reduce her own anxiety by being on top of D20's situation. Again, there's a fine line between supporting and over functioning. I'm guilty of this myself in many areas of my life. I'm trying not to be looking for jobs for D20 or making a ton of suggestions. I don't want her responsibility to become my responsibility. But, of course, Voldy is projecting that D20 will be doing nothing for years and needs to be constantly monitored. D20 also knows that Mom is Asian and it is very hard for an Asian Mom to accept ("what will I tell my friends) that her daughter is not in university. So she cuts Mom some slack and Voldy, to her credit, recognizes her Asian tendency (lol) and does discuss it with us. But, it's not all about Voldy and her face and anxiety...Voldy has a tough time seeing that.
Wii,
FWIW, I have some of the same tendencies as Voldy does though I work really hard at understanding them and suppressing the acting out portion. My IC way back in 2003 diagnosed me as a full blown crazymaker. And it fits me to a T.
Crazymakers tend to create/add to drama then be the solution. It's all a ruse - inherently designed to be a distraction from the real source of anxiety. And I can tell you, it svcks and undoubtedly was a huge factor in my marital strife.
I'd even go so far as to say that on my mom's side of the family (hell, we're not even Asian!), we suffer from mild to severe anxiety disorders. We litter the landscape with our issues.
I even have the tendency to travel the same route with my own D20 as Voldy does. My D20 applied to take a class in summer school at a local university, and because she didn't check the school mail, she missed the deadline for it. It was necessary for her to get this class done so she could travel abroad to Australia next spring. And let me tell you, I was frantic. I started spewing what I thought she should do and gave orders and deadlines. I began my own manic tailspin and then literally had to use calming techniques to stop myself from making it a much bigger issue. Yet... my D20 was calm.
I was really embarrassed when she told me that the signs all along had been leading her to the conclusion that she just shouldn't go. So she announced to her dad and me that she just wants to buckle down, get her degree and then get out of school. Period. Then she'll do what I did: after graduation, she'll travel there for a few months and get to know her family without school getting in the way.
In the old days, I would have definitely acted on it. I'm happy to report that I didn't do anything but spew orders, but I'm still a little ashamed that I literally couldn't stop myself from diverting from my own issues to go into that ugly mode. It's sometimes easy for me, and sometimes hard. Right now, I'm finding it hard because I'm menopausal, can't sleep from my awful night sweats, totally sleep deprived, dealing with the estate issues that keep popping up like some malfunctioning whack-a-mole game, trying to work and parent, and also trying to take better care of myself. I kinda feel like I'm losing the game, you know?
So as much as I can say how Voldy treats your daughters as a result of her issues isn't right (and it REALLY isn't), I'm ashamed to see myself in her too.
I meant what I said when I said that your girls are so fortunate that they have you for a parent. I feel that way about Mr. Wonderful too. He has none of my crap and can deal with sh!t that pops up just fine. And I'm grateful that my D20 can go to him and expect a reasonable response while I'm off fretting about whatever I fret about.
At the very least, I understand that the root of my stress is grief, topped with a thick layer of anxiety about the future icing. I'm trying to scrape it away so that only the cake is highlighted, but it's work for me at the moment. Voldy hasn't done the work, I so I'd expect it to be uglier. And if she's going through the change, well... uh oh. Be glad it's just you and turtle.
I'm trying to get some Rx relief from my gyno for my horrid symptoms, but they can't get me in until August 8 for the consult. She asked me if I could be pregnant. I was kind of pissed when I said, "Who'd have sex with me at this point in my life?" And sadly, I meant it.
Just keep being the good you that you are. I really appreciate you posting your truths. It tends to help me focus on what I need to do to be a better me too. You have no idea.
Hugs, Wii.
Betsey
Thanks for sharing that, Betsey! I too understand over functioning and I also understand that it's not loving. It's perceived as loving and that's how we get away with it lol. In my case, SDA lady was a classic example. When she decided to leave her job (and it was HER decision therefore HER responsibility) I went nuts trying to help her find a job. I was scouring the job sites, picking up application forms, swinging by places I thought might be hiring etc. Of course, she saw this as a loving gesture but really, it wasn't. It was me taking care of my anxiety. It was me saying I didn't have confidence in her to make her way. It was me trying to be super boyfriend so I wouldn't get dumped! Where was she in that calculation? Nowhere! I was taking care of me and my anxiety...not her! This is often what parents do to, rather than letting their kids make their way we jump in and try to orchestrate everything in their lives to alleviate our own anxieties. We're saying "I don't believe in you" Wow, what a horrible way to treat our kids...but it's viewed as just parents loving their kids and wanting the best for them. Where the line is between support and over functioning is the question. It's tough.
Hey, it's tough to know when to step in and when to let things go with the flow! I can remember last year when D17 was going for an interview at Am Eagle for her co-op placement. Voldy sat her down and did mock interviews, perused endlessly over her resume, and had D17's bf come over to discuss what was important in getting a retail job (he worked pt at a toy store). D17 said to me that she was getting really anxious about her job interview. I said "Look sweetie, don't get all worked up. They just want to make sure you're not an idiot!" Sure enough, the manager didn't even want to see her resume and took her to the food court for a 10 minute "interview" which wouldn't be considered an interview really. So Voldy was in complete over functioning mode. D17 did get the placement and, as a student, was their top sales person and won Employee of the Month! She did just fine on her own. Voldy was the one making her anxious, not the interview (she told me that herself)!
Oh boy, I see a lot of myself in those descriptions. Do you think that might have been a factor in all of our D's? I have made a concerted effort NOT to get in the middle of situations where I would normally have jumped in with both feet trying to fix 'the problem' as I perceive it. It has led to a much better R between me and Gabe and between me and Marc. This whole driver's license issue with Marc has been pushing my anxiety level to the top and I've done everything I can to help correct the problems but only to the point of doing the parts that Marc couldn't do himself.
It's very interesting to me that so many of us seem to have this trait.
Discuss.....
I'll just have to admit that my case of overfunctioning is really a control issue to mask my anxiety. I'm cringing when I type this: I might have done the same thing with the mock interviews as well. Isn't that completely nuts?
But I also appreciate your story with SDA lady. I think you illustrated it perfectly... and it all boiled down to us thinking that we can fix things for others. Yet we can't seem to fix what's wrong with ourselves?
Yikes?
I'm going to be vigilant about this, and thank you again for making this the topic du jour. I can see my issues seeping out of the sides because my anxiety level is high.
I hope you'll all appreciate this one... I'm taking a muscle relaxer for my TMJ (hello, anxiety in the subconscious world), my options for treating the all night insomnia due to night sweats are really limited. So until my consultation appointment, they're putting me on a very low dose of an anti depressant. I'm kinda laughing about it. Because even when I *was* depressed, I made myself treat it the hard way. LOL. So I asked her the potential side effects. #1? Low libido. Again I said, "Like who'd want some crazy woman who sweats like a hog and can't sleep?"
Mish, I suspect we do all share that trait and the outcome. Wouldn't you just hate to be on the opposite side of our fence? Seriously. I'm thinking my D20 might be counting down the days until she heads back to school!
Good luck and everyone be nice to themselves. It all starts with self care. In fact, it IS the cure to anxiety.
Wii, you just keep being the awesome, reasonable person here. God knows, we need you!
“overfunctioning is really a control issue” “and it all boiled down to us thinking that we can fix things for others.”
Sorry for pulling quotes out of context. This is what I came to understand as rescuing as it relates to the drama (victim) triangle. As a person with this as a primary response I find myself fighting the tendency to rush in, seize control and fix it daily.
It is the culture I was raised in. It is what I was trained to do. It is a component of the daily work that puts bread in my jar and on the table. People bring me product problems (we call them issues) and I provide advice and documentation to fix them.
In my personal life the people around me are so used to JS stepping in and taking care of it that when I validate and express empathy for how they perceive the problem they are confused. Sometimes disappointed and frustrated that I don’t do more.
Perhaps I have allowed the pendulum to swing to far the other way and need to find a better balance point. At this stage in my healing I refuse to dance upon the triangle.
To my addled thinking:
Rescuing promotes control, b/c if I can control it I don’t then need to expend more energy to rescue. Control promotes dependency b/c JS will just take care of it. Dependency promotes abuse b/c why should I have to fix it yet again without recompense of some sort.
So I don’t and in some people’s eyes my value is less b/c I won’t solve their problem and require them to take responsibility for it themselves. This and unspoken unrealized expectations are a couple of the pillars my divorce was built upon.
I apologize for my rant and I will not fail to post this one.
I think we live in the age of hyper-parenting where every child must be busy 24 hours per day. We must provide them with every experience or they'll fall behind or...maybe, feel less than someone else! If they haven't been to Disney World by the time they are five they're scarred for life. There's so much stress put on parents to make sure their kids are "active" and that they, God forbid, never experience boredom! The pendulum has swung too far. I also think we who have experienced divorce feel guilty and want to make up to our kids for what has been inflicted upon them (not necessarily a bad thing to do!). Also divorce made us feel helpless. For many of us our spouses decided the marriage was toast and no matter what we did to address issues etc. it made no difference. We maybe over compensate by trying to control our kids lives. I dunno, just thinking out loud here.
I am really glad that my kids aren't into sports. I know that sounds strange but all the practices and games would have been crazy, especially with it just being me. My kids are into music and art and foreign languages.
I haven't pushed them to be overly involved but if they find something they love, go for it. I think doing things in school helps you enjoy it more.
I can't afford to be a good time mom. I figure I am the reality parent. When we go out it is more special. Maybe I am getting to where I need to be.
kat
Yesterday D20 cleaned our fridge and today D20 and D17 did the dishes, cleaned their room, vacuumed the apartment and are presently doing their laundry...and it being Sabbath, I did absolutely nothing!
We did a surprise birthday lunch for my dad. He turns 70 on Tuesday, I turn 50 next Sunday. Where has the time flown? Anyway, no house work was done here either. You can send your girls down anytime. Lol
Enjoy your daughters. They are so sweet.
kat
Happy birthday to Dad
This afternoon the girls and I are going to Oshawa to the Adventist bookstore to buy vegetarian food, they have a section for that...if the girls are ever ready, of course!
D20 and I went to an outdoor concert again last night. Every Thursday now we seem to be going together to these concerts. It's a nice night out together. D17 and I went to the park together the previous evening.
I'm starting to look at dating again...yuck! I'm actually feeling a bit lonely. It's been about a year since I ended things with SDA Lady for good. I miss having someone around who actually gives a crap about my day and wants to share hers. I miss holding someone's hand and going for walks. I miss going to dinner with another human being lol. I miss...you know what too. I've been scanning the dating sites periodically just to see who's out there. I'm just not sure I want to start a process that would demand large chunks of my time and energy. I like doing what I want when I want and not worrying about pleasing someone else or meeting their needs ( I tend to forget about my own needs in my campaign to not be rejected by the object of my desire lol) I did come across a lady who loves photography, which is my latest year long obsession, unfortunately, I've already met her in my last search for love. In my last round of meeting women I learned not to give second chances, when someone deals with you in a way that does not impress you, move on. I told my best friend this in regards to a woman he was dating recently. I told him that the stuff he's seeing right now, at the beginning, is exactly who that person is and it is unlikely to change...so move on. Turns out she was way too not ready and the relationship just died out. Anyway, I'm just pondering...but it would be so nice to have a lady to do things with in the summer. I miss that. That said, I'm still OK with being me and doing what I like to do. Taking care of me has to be job 1...and stay that way, whether in or out of a relationship. That's my work to do and that's a tough assignment to take on.
Well, I dipped into the online dating pool. I baited my hook and landed my fishy (she liked photography...that's all I need!). We messaged for two days, it was going text book, I asked for the (drumroll, please) coffee meet...and haven't heard from her since. Maybe I should have offered tea. Are we having fun yet?
I'm just not sure I want to start a process that would demand large chunks of my time and energy. I like doing what I want when I want and not worrying about pleasing someone else or meeting their needs
Wow. Sounds like an awesome one sided relationship you're looking for. Good luck with that.
P.s. Photographers are nuts. I am one. Hee hee
Lol ss06. My past R's have been pretty one sided...and it wasn't my side! So part of my struggle in any new R will be to find a balance. This past year is the first time I've just done what I want when I want. There's something to be said for it, but it can get kind of lonely too. But the online cesspool can be pretty exhausting and you have to remember that nobody gives a crap about your feelings, they're all too busy protecting their own vulnerabilities. Fun wow lol!
Well, it's time for updating my online dating profile! Here's my latest edit to this long standing piece of literary genius.
Screen name: Iamthewalrus58
About me:
Hey ladies, I'm a guy looking to fill an empty armchair in my living room. Channel surfing and Dorito munching is always better done with that special someone at your side. I'm also a fitness junkie and every evening I can be found doing endless sets of opening and closing the fridge door at break neck speeds. I like to alternate arms to increase flexibility. I usually try to add a little cardio to my workout by putting down the remote and changing the stations manually. Yet I'm not all about my body, I love those quiet walks to the garbage chute and making things happen for the environment by using the recycle bins. As you may have guessed already, I'm an avid nature lover and on weekends love to lie in bed all day listening to the birds chirp outside my window. As for my personality, my friends would describe me as a strong, independent minded, “do-it-yourself” kind of guy and they'll eagerly tell you how I once neutered my own dog. Spirituality is also an important part of my life and I can often be found just sitting in my car meditating to Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds. The apartment underground is where I like to go to get away from it all because travel should be a part of any well balanced lifestyle. When I’m not travelling I’m enjoying a smokin' social life. There are always people at my door, in fact, each week these really nice people called Jehovah Witnesses come by to visit me. We talk for hours and before they leave they're talking about coming back to visit me again. People just seem to be naturally drawn to me and I hope you will be too.
About you:
So, what am I looking for in a companion? Well, I'm always blown away by a lady who isn't at the best place in her life, who works only for the pay cheque, who hates travel with a passion, never goes to the gym and thinks Yoga is a light mid-afternoon snack. You’re a lady who’s proud to look and feel 55 when you’re actually 45...and you’re equally at ease with drinking yourself blotto in a formal evening dress or passing out in jeans on the living room floor. You also like to make yourself laugh (and won't lay that trip on me!) and you’re willing to wait for the afterlife to meet your “soul mate”. Watching the waves at the beach makes you nauseous and you don't give a crap whether I love your dog or not. You're comfortable in your own skin rather than expecting me to be in mine...and, in your dating profile, your friends have absolutely nothing to say about you at all. I’d also like to find that special lady who considers playing head games intellectually challenging and who can’t wait for me to message her photos of my package. If this sounds like you then please don’t contact me ‘cuz you’re obviously a guy and I don’t swing that way!
My favourite things include:
You naked,
Rob Ford watching,
Talking with the dead,
green sashimi with mayo,
Removing stop signs at intersections,
Watching sunsets on the cable station,
Shaving my dogs legs,
Doing the Frito Lays Detox,
Writing really stupid dating profiles,
Toilet Paper Roll collecting,
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
Hot, humid days,
Popping zits (mine or that special someone’s),
DQ hopping,
Touring Grow ops in my neighbourhood
and you naked.
My favourite song lyrics are:
Yellow mother custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob.
My ideal first date:
You and I mooning strangers from the windows of my car and uploading the action to You Tube.
Message me.
Btw, D20 had an interview at a shoe store today. She felt it went well but she's going on one week vacation with her Mom and sister next week and she's afraid they might not wait for her. I texted her "If they want you, they'll wait" They did tell her that it wasn't a problem. We shall see.
From my favourite dating profile of the evening, "Massage me for more details" OMG, you just can't make this stuff up!
Maybe it wasn't a typo but just her not so subtle come on.
kat
Nah, her profile was filled with typos...but her headline was Benefits Offered...hmmm.
Ok, sounds like there is nothing that these women put out there! Good luck wading through that!
kat
Crazy people!
So, if D20 doesn't get the job is Voldy going to get all batsh!t crazy on her even though she is the one taking her away on vacation? It's very hard to apply for jobs when employers are told they have to wait for you to start. They expect immediate and constant availability.
No Mish, Voldy is in a sane mood lately, [censored] happens lol...and we discussed this job interview and what D20 might say at our Sunday family meeting. D20 is supplying us with a schedule of where she plans to go for the week. So we shall see.
Kat, online dating is not for the faint hearted. I'm one of these weirdos who thinks you should be kind and respectful with the people you are dealing with but, honestly, you can't expect it from others. In the past I've had a few ladies who were very honest, upfront and sensitive when they weren't interested. I felt respected and that's nice. Much of the time they do some really wacko stuff. My favourite was the lady who grilled me online for a week, met me for coffee, agreed to see me again, and then posted on her profile that she was done with online dating 'cuz it's too hard to find good guys. Huh? She's back online but I'm not going there lol.
I think my best friend has the best philosophy on dating (and he's been online dating for about three years), he says "everybody's f*cked up, you just hope to find somebody who's f*cked up fits well with your f*cked up and then you'll live happily ever after" Very deep lol.
Correction, I shouldn't say "much" of the time. It happens not infrequently but often people just disappear or dick you around. I try to recognize that most people doing this are feeling very vulnerable and aren't really good at it. So they do what they do. But, that said, I did find a special relationship that lasted almost a year and a half. If I hadn't of waded through the chaffe, I wouldn't have had those memories. Anyway, that's my take on it.
I think my best friend has the best philosophy on dating (and he's been online dating for about three years), he says "everybody's f*cked up, you just hope to find somebody who's f*cked up fits well with your f*cked up and then you'll live happily ever after" Very deep lol.
That sounds right to me!!!
It sounds f*cked up to me lol!
LOL. Well, think of it this way, it's true that everyone carries baggage. As long as your own baggage and the person you love's baggage doesn't clash then you just may have found the person to be with!
Absolutely. I just don't know whether my skin is thick enough to go through the baggage search again!
Yeah....lost and found baggage is a real PITA!
Hang in there Wii - I stuck with it and eventually hit Gold - you can too!
BA
Thanks BA, I just find it hard to put aside the crappy things that people tend to do to you in the online cesspool. I try to be honest and kind to the people I deal with in the online world...it just seems like the right thing to do! But hey, I'm a social worker you think I'd be rather oblivious to people and their BS by now lol. Anyway, I'm just a bit disappointed, I'll bounce back! Btw, this last lady turned out to be a social worker in the community mental health field...which is what I do! I had no idea when I approached her, she listed her occupation as "employed"...she liked photography and wrote some nice stuff about honesty and being upfront in the dating process! I have a theory that the stuff people emphasize in their profile are often the things they have the most difficulty keeping to themselves. Just a hunch.
Well, I followed up with the lady last night. My male co-workers thought it would be appropriate...but I didn't use the language they were suggesting. I just felt that for my own self respect, it was right to let her know that I felt somewhat disrespected...so I did so in a nice way. I wrote "Hi xxxxx, I'm sorry that you have chosen not to respond to my invitation. I would have appreciated a yes, no, maybe or not if you were the last man on earth (OK, not that one!) but, c'est la vie. All the best to you" To my surprise she responded at 12:30 a.m. "Whatis, I've been away most of the week and August is a really busy month 'cuz I'm moving, but we'll see what we can do, OK? ...and thanks for the invite
" I responded "I'm glad to see you haven't closed my case file lol. I can empathize with the stress of moving, you wonder "where did all this stuff come from and what am I going to do with it!" August is pretty clear for me as many of my activities close down for the summer. So let's keep in touch and if we can find time for coffee, great conversation...and a disgustingly rich dessert, then let's do it" I then told her my plans to go to a concert with a friend tonight and asked her plans, was she still away...
Anyway, that's that. We'll see where it leads...if anywhere. I was driving to work this morning and suddenly what I wrote hit me "then let's do it!" OMG. But, I've checked the context of the sentence and it's cool lol.
Tonight I'm going to a concert in the park with my best friend and hope it doesn't rain. Later Dbers.
LOL. Good to know she wasn't blowing you off.
That was side benefit. For me it was just the need to be assertive rather than just sit back passively. Anything here on is gravy...vegetarian gravy. She seems nice and I felt this was honest but her priority is elsewhere...which is understandable.
Hey, today I got attacked at work...again. A few weeks ago a guy was throwing stuff at me and today I got jumped! Helping people suucks sometimes lol. I need a quiet evening with my best friend. Looking forward to it.
No Rick, I work in a vocational rehabilitation program for individuals with psychiatric disorders. We're getting a ton of Aspergers and Autistic referrals lately ...and apparently I'm their tackling dummy!
Ugg Wii. I am now supervising the DD team. Last night one of my workers was punched by an Autistic kid. Hummmm gonna have to do some training with my guys... oh and get a helmet...
fun stuff Rick...NOT!
Anyway, I had a nice evening with my best friend. We saw the concert and visited an art gallery beforehand. I got home and there was a message from the lady I will now dub as BSW Lady. She wrote "Hi Whatis, I am not sure if I'll be gone this long weekend. Sometimes I don't plan, and I just go when i feel like going. Well have fun at the concert! BSW Lady" I guess she's letting me know that if I message her I might not get a reply for a few days, that's nice. It shows my assertive message made an impression. I replied that I too like to sometimes just hop in the car and head to somewhere I've never been. I told her a bit about my evening and said "Well, I hope you find some place wonderful to go this weekend and hopefully we'll see each other soon" I'll leave it there for a few days.
Btw, I'm not gonna put a lot into this contact. I still tend to believe that if someone is interested in you they'll find the time... moving or not. So, I'll check in with her but I'm not hanging around for too long. My best friend says what he finds with women in his online dating adventures is that they are often very ambivalent, they want to but they're not quite sure etc. and you never get very far. It's easy to throw up a profile and pick through replies but not so easy to move beyond that sometimes. Anyway, it's long weekend here in TO and tomorrow I have church and Sunday a family reunion in Guelph Ontario.
Happy Friday everybody!
Voldy just phoned me and went ballistic on me. She'd asked me a few weeks ago to get my D17 dental and eye doctor appointments. I have reminded D17 twice to do so and given her the phone numbers. She has not followed through. I do not know D17's work schedule so I thought it best to treat her like an adult and get her to make the appointments. Voldy went on about how she has to do everything blah blah blah. I told her that i would follow up with D17 and make sure it was done, I then told her that she had no right to phone me and carry on like this. I said that her behaviour is unacceptable and I am unwilling to listen to it anymore...and hung up on her.
Good job wii! Boundaries need to be set even years later. I am proud of you.
kat
Thanks Kat. She seems to think that her life stresses are so much more righteous than anyone elses. I spent ten years running around taking care of absolutely everything for her because of her demanding jobs and stress level. Don't go crapping on me and carrying on about "I have to do everything"! Anyway, she was parked out front of my apartment when she called, the girls wanted to drop off some cookies for me that they had baked. When they went back downstairs their mother flipped on them, slapped D17 on the arm and drove off leaving them to walk home. What a wing nut. I'm seriously thinking I might need to talk to her about her anger issues. It's getting a little much.
Maybe send her the movie "Anger Management". Then run!! How did you stay together so long? Oh right,you are laid back and can be accomadating while she is not. I do get a bit intense sometimes myself but not to the point that everyone wants to get away from me! Lol
kat
hey Gineen, the online dating world can be tough, as you already know. You're often dealing with dickheads and people who just don't know how to be upfront...even when you tell them it's ok to say no, they won't and they'll keep dicking you! I've decided to just let this last lady go. She needs to show a little enthusiasm, if she really wants to meet then she can contact me and make some suggestions, I've done my part. Otherwise, i think I'm just wasting my time with her. She's just parking me on the sidelines and I'm a "no parking" guy at the moment lol. In my last dating experience I learned two things, one of which I've already violated. 1-giving second chances never works, they just do it to you again! 2- mixed messages mean NO...no matter what they say. I used to blow up the positives and play down the negatives but you have take both those messages together cuz they ARE the message. Mixed messages means move on. Anyway, this lady hasn't bothered to even respond to my last chatty message and when ladies are really genuinely interested in connecting, they want to respond. She also, in one breath said she was too short on time to meet me but in the next tells me she might just go away on a whim for the entire long weekend 'cuz she wants to . That tells me, when she wants to do something, she does it. So that's enough. I'm moving on. My life right now is stressful enough in many areas without playing the mixed messages game.
So, just remember that to get to the rich ore you have to dig through the slag first...and the slag can be dirty lol! Thanks for checking in
Kat, her anger management is non existent. She has never been able to say "I'm angry, I need to walk away and cool down before dealing with this" Instead, her inner child comes out and she strikes out in vengeance towards whoever she feels has wronged her. It's payback when she screams, yells, slaps and throws stuff. She's a classic abuser really, at work she's the queen of patience and staying cool but when she comes home...you don't want to be the dog!Her Dad was like that too. He was everybody's pal and everyone liked him but he'd come home and scream and yell, hit the mom, throw stuff...there's a slight resemblance here. Lately, Voldy seems to lose it once every two weeks when the girls are with her. She knows she needs to walk away but she just can't give up getting childish revenge on people. She thinks the whole world should exist to pander to her stress and upsets. I lost a winner, didn't I lol. The girls actually laugh at her because she's so ridiculous. D17 texted me when they got home last night (after Voldy took off on them and made them walk) "Oooh, Mommy's waiting on the couch for me...wish me luck lol".
It's funny how a couple of little things can just brighten your day. Today I was going to work and not looking forward to a specific situation. I stopped at the coffee shop I normally go to and the pretty Filipina at the take out window gives me a big smile and a wave as I pull up and she says excitedly, " I've been waiting for you! Guess what? I'm going camping this weekend!"We sometimes chat at the window and today there were no cars behind me. Her last holiday plan got cancelled at the last minute. So anyway we chatted about where she was going etc. and then she clapped her hands together and said "I'm so excited!" I drove away with a smile on my face. Just the fact that she was so excited about sharing that with me felt really nice. Then I got to work and walked into the staff room for a meeting and one of our volunteers was there and her face lit up with the biggest smile when she saw me and she called out "Namaste, Whatis"(She's Indian and we talk about Yoga sometimes). Sometimes these little encounters mean so much to your day and the people who do it for you don't even know it...and I handled the situation I wasn't looking forward to like an ace.
My workplace right now is a nightmarish shambles. We're are being re-organized and this means my Director is now being castrated (although she is a woman) and they are bringing in managers from a non-unionized facility to meet with staff individually to discuss our jobs. So, as the Shop Steward, it is my job to protect the best interests of my members. So I raised a stink especially since the manager they've chosen to interview us was instrumental in crushing our union in another facility. So I laid out to them that my members are willing to discuss their job duties and that's it. We will not discuss anyone or anything else that is not directly related to our duties. I told them if a union member is uncomfortable with any question asked he/she has the right to request to have their union steward (me) present. I then told them that any mention or reference to our union would result in immediate legal action. Basically, they're head hunting and I'm trying to protect my people. Fun wow! So I really needed those smiles from those pretty ladies today
When I pulled up to the pickup window today Drive thru lady started dancing ...she's still pretty excited about her upcoming camping weekend lol. I always drive away with an XL coffee and a smile on my face. That's pretty neat!
Great start to the morning!
Best part of my morning, believe me lol!
I'm trying to find my D20 a counsellor to meet with. She finally agreed to talk to someone but doesn't want the male Pastor I'd suggested previously (He's a trained family therapist). She also doesn't want anyone in the field that knows me or her mother. So, I called Family Service Toronto and the waiting list is closed until September but she can get on the waiting list by calling the first week and it will take one to two months to meet with someone. So, I've found a few social workers who do private counselling in our area and forwarded their websites and info for D20 to look at. We shall see. After her trip to Quebec with Voldy she feels rather down. She feels she's laying too much of her stuff on her bf. I told her that her sitch is tough on a relationship. I went through this with SDA Lady and it's draining. So I'm glad she's beginning to open up to the idea of talking to someone. She's resisted it for a long while.
...and I met with the Union busting Manager and we had a nice discussion on why Hot Yoga suucks...and I'm also sending her a link to a church which caters to those with disabilities that she didn't know about. When she asked my views on how my program operated I went into a song and dance about the joys of helping people. So, that's done...for now.
Jimmy Kimmel should get over this Rob Ford thing and start looking for material on the dating sites. Here's my fav from yesterday, "if u think with ur head and not jus the one peaking out of ur zipper then send me a message" HARD to resist lol!
I got my morning smile today. I pulled into the coffee shop drive thru and Coffee Shop Lady, who starts work on Wednesdays, spotted me a few cars down and started waving her little white work gloves at me and had the biggest smile. Apparently while camping she didn't see any bears but heard a wolf. We then discussed the merits of the new dark roast blend, which we've both switched to lol. Then I drove on to the place of darkness...my workplace!
After perusing online dating profiles the past few weeks I have come up with 10 online dating tips for the ladies...and it was a slow lunch hour.
Tips to ladies for online dating
1. Do not post photos of you and your daughter if she is hotter than you are. It's asking for some really weird messaging... which I'd probably love to get a peak at!
2. Guys just don't care what your dog looks like...it's your puppies they care about!
3. "Food" is not an interest, it's a necessity of life. It's just like taking a crap and you don't list that one, right?
4. "Ask me" is not a profile essay. It's like bad gas that has somehow found it's way onto your profile page.
5. You are not "simple", you are complicated...and by saying you are simple you are making things far more complicated.
6. "We'll see" is code for "maybe in the next life"...don't use it.
7. Filling your profile with warnings to men that u aren't into casual sex, head games etc is like saying "take me, I'm vulnerable".
8. "I don't know what to write" is writing something.
9. Learn to make yourself laugh, it's not my job!
10. Writing "Massage me" says "I need spell check in a bad way"!
So, let's do coffee.
Today is my 25 year anniversary in my workplace. I sure hope that celebratory muffin I was promised shows up soon, I'm hungry.
Wow - you must almost be done with the orientation process!
Seriously though - congratulations Wii - it's a rare event these days for someone to stay with the same organization for a long period of time! Well done! Hope the muffin was tasty!
BA
Was it blueberry? It's only worth if it's blueberry! With a struessel top!
I dropped over to Voldy's last night to give her a cheque. When I left I said "Hey, today was my 25 year anniversary at work!" This was her reply "Well, at least you've got a job with very little stress..." and proceeded to carry on about all the stress she deals with at work every day blah blah blah. The world just continues to revolve around Voldy. Hey, at least I got a muffin at work lol.
I dropped over to Voldy's last night to give her a cheque. When I left I said "Hey, today was my 25 year anniversary at work!" This was her reply "Well, at least you've got a job with very little stress..." and proceeded to carry on about all the stress she deals with at work every day blah blah blah. The world just continues to revolve around Voldy. Hey, at least I got a muffin at work lol.
That is exactly the same response I would have gotten from my ex-wife as well. In fact as I was reading it I could vividly hear her voice saying those words in my head.
Wii - don't let anyone spoil your parade - or your muffin! :-)
BA
Thx BA. I had my yearly eval today and scored 3.5 out of 4 in all areas. Life is good. Tonight I'm having dinner with an ex co-worker who is in from Vancouver for a bit. Apparently, she's staying with her parents who live right across the street from me. Tomorrow is Sabbath and I'll go to church and then to a bbq at the Pastor's house in the afternoon. Life goes on.
Btw, the "We'll see, Whatis" Lady that I was messaging with has deleted her profile from the dating site...shock of all shocks lol. The good thing here is that I paid attention to my gut which told me this person is not going to follow through so I just left it in her hands...and I was right. But what this brief dip into the singles pool reinforced for me is that you can never understand why people do what they do. This was a person who wrote about "honesty" and being "upfront" and "not leaving people with false hope"...and then does exactly that to me. Go figure! Anyway, I'm still not sure about dipping into this cesspool of broken souls again. This has reminded me of some of the wacko stuff people did to me last time and I'm not sure I want to deal with it again. We'll see. Maybe I need to find me a nice Adventist girl lol.
Well, I showed up at 7 pm tonight and my friend showed up at 8 pm. She forgot we'd changed the time. So, she has asked to re-schedule and she'll pay for dinner. I told her what times I had next week and asked her to let me know so that I would know when to stand her up lol. While waiting for her I ran into one of our Mayoral candidates who was going to the restaurant next door. We had a nice chat...and he's the one I'm voting for anyway, so it was pleasant. I also met Neil, a drunken ex-heroin addict...I'm not voting for him.
I'm a little down tonight, which is odd considering I made a pretty strong connection with a lady last night. But, that may be why. Yesterday it felt so nice to be with a lady and to talk for hours and laugh and share about our lives...and today, I'm back to being with me. I feel alone tonight... just me and my camera. Anyway, this lady is from church and for months she's been acting like a deer in headlights around me. I couldn't decide whether she just couldn't give a crap about me or whether she liked and was just kind of shy. Yesterday we were in a group before choir practice (she sings in the choir with me) and the others just left and we were standing there staring at each other. I said "you look scared" and she took a deep breath and said "do you play any musical instruments?" We both started laughing and talked for about 20 minutes. That evening I decided to go to the Pastor's for his dinner and campfire meeting. He lives outside the city, which takes me half an hour to get to but for the others in the church it takes one hour. When I arrived she had just arrived too...I didn't know she was coming and she doesn't have a car. Apparently my 82 year old friend Agnes had driven her. We spent two hours together until she had to leave my side and go lead the sing song and play guitar. We had this interesting bit of diologue over dinner.
Her: Whatis, do you have any vices?
Me: Vices?
Her: Yeah, is there anything you do that you're not supposed to do?
Me: Not really. I don't drink or smoke but I do drink too much caffeine.
Her: Well, you have one more now.
Me: What would that be?
Her: You spend your whole evening talking to one lady.
Me: That's a vice?
Her: Could be (as she giggles)
Me: I don't see you running away.
Anyway, I also discovered that she's twenty years younger than me...that I didn't know either! She also worked in Hong Kong and therefore we both had a great time throwing Cantonese words and phrases back and forth and laughing...and neither of us is Chinese. Others just stared as she told them how good my Cantonese was...yeah right lol!
It was such a lovely evening and I really like her, she's sweet, pretty, funny, outgoing, and she's a conqueror...she looks at her fears and takes them on. That's a kick ass lady who doesn't need any man to take care of her...and she's a life long Adventist.
Anyway, I don't know where this goes...maybe nowhere but it was such a fun night. This is a small church and I sure don't wanna crap where I live!
Now here's a lady I could go for! Her profile reads "I'm looking for someone with a big hurt". We're meant for each other lol.
Now here's a lady I could go for! Her profile reads "I'm looking for someone with a big hurt". We're meant for each other lol.
LOL!!!
Here's another one, "Do not have a lot of dating experience and so far, not a fan." Welcome to our world lol!
Whatis does she look 20 years younger than you. Why would that depress u? Just have fun my friend.
Rick, it doesn't depress me. It actually doesn't bother me at all. It made no difference in our evening conversation. I think it just surprised me...as did sudden outpouring of communication with someone who I've said "Happy Sabbath" to about three times in the five months I've been there...and that's it. Although Mr. Woody was saying "go for it", my brain was saying "uh uh". Her sitch is pretty much the same as my last gf but she seems way more independent and willing to address her fears and take care of her own sh!t. She does a lot of stuff at church, like leads the Sabbath School service, sings, plays instruments for the service etc. She said "I do feel scared when I do these things but when they ask me I just do it anyway!" She says she'll play guitar at my baptism...whenever that is
Hey, if she plays guitar at my baptism is that the equivalent of me getting lucky in the non-Adventist world? I'll have to ask my Pastor.
I pulled into the drive thru at the coffee shop today and greeted the little Filipina who usually serves me. She looks me up and down and says emphatically "Noooooo, nooooooo!" I said "What?" She says "Look at the way you're dressed today! It's cold out, you're gonna get sick!" I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt. I took my coffee and said "I gotta go now, so long Miss Happy" She just laughed and off I went. OMG, now the drive thru lady wants to dress me lol!
...maybe I should go online (POG.com- Plenty of Grinds) and find a new coffee shop drive thru lady, this one's starting to nag me!
D20 went for an interview at American Eagle today. She just texted me and said it went well...she'll tell me more when she gets home. She's having dinner with a friend. D17 works at American Eagle but at a different location. Prayers for a job would be most appreciated.
D20 had a really good interview. Assistant Manager said he would talk to manager about a position. They are hiring for all store positions. She has a really good feeling about the store and chatted with some of the employees afterwards...one said it would be great to have another Asian on staff lol. She went to another store shoe shopping and one of the staff there heard her talking about her interview with a friend, came over and after a brief talk, offered to bring D20's resume to her manager. So, she feels pretty good tonight. She went to dinner with some of her old high school friends tonight. She said "it's been a good day" I'm glad...I love her so much!
I went to Sabbath today, sat with Agnes...she was giving the sermon and was an itsy bit nervous lol! New lady friend was not there, it's a long weekend here so she either went somewhere, her employers went somewhere (and left her with the kids) or I scared the hell out of her last Saturday night lol. Too bad, I had a few new Cantonese phrases I remembered. Anyway, I'm really wasted today...my lower and upper back have been giving me problems this week and I went to the chiro...and the adjustment makes my muscles very sore. I got home and D17 had dropped her iphone and now it's garbage...so it's gonna cost her $300 to replace it, not me. She's had the phone for maybe a year and pieces are falling off it from dropping it, she's had to replace the screen once and now get a whole new unit. So that's my update...anyone out there?
Yep. Sorry about your daughters phone. Mine is pretty basic. I use it usually for emergencies or to let the kids know I am late or I am at the store, do we need x,y or z type of thing. My S21 broke the screen on my iPod that I let him use. S18 has cracked his screen on his phone but at least he paid for it .
Ouch about your back. I have strained my back a few times and that certainly hurts. have you soaked in a tub with epsom salts? Hopefully it will be better soon.
kat
Ouch, new iphone. Not cheap...
and OUCH, bad backs are the worst. So painful. Hope it eases soon.
I'll live...and then I need to get my butt in gear and do some stretching! I've made my own bed. I took the girls off to buy the iphone. I'm not supposed to do chores on Sabbath, which I normally don't. We don't even cook on Sabbath. I make food for the next day before sunset on Friday. Anyway, spending time with family is an ok use of Sabbath time...but it probably doesn't include going to the mall lol. I told the girls not to tell God! Anwyay, D17 is now out $385, so it's good she has two jobs lol.
here's a good one from a dating profile, "You won’t be holding my purse at the shoe store.....hell, you won’t even BE at the shoe store with me." I'm in love lol.
Ha ha! I like it
Well, I've dipped into the online dating pool once more. She responded real fast and we've been messaging. I was attracted to her honesty about her faith in God. She's a Baptist. She was a chemist and has just finished two years of nursing school. She's going for her license next week. Anyway, seems nice...as always, we shall see.
I spent an hour messaging with BA (born again) Lady. She seems very comfortable with me and seems to be enjoying our rapport. She's a gutsy lady and I admire what she's doing with her life. She told me that at her church almost everyone is old, disabled or blind so it was hard to find a match lol. Anyway, I told her that we better meet soon or our fingers will get arthritis lol!
I was going through the files on my computer and came across a list of amusing things single women have said to me. I have to find humour in most things in life and write them down or I'd go insane. Enjoy...at least I salvaged something from those experiences!
*this isn't a date, it's a meeting
*I love to read about Nazi war atrocities
*In my opinion, the ultimate flying machine is none other than the Apache Attack Helicopter
*I watch action movies, I like Rambo.
* I asked her if she ever watched Dancing With The Stars, she replied "I can't, if I change the TV station the old lady I work with will attack me"
*I don't need a man to take care of me, I can look after myself
*I once dated a guy who kept phoning and bugging me, so I gave him to my roommate.
*You think like a grandpa
*can you read minds?
*Wow, you work for the Salvation Army, that is so cool!
*My favourite movies are Bridge Over The River Kwai and The Killing Fields.
*I was way too nice to that man (the ex)
*At our age we have to be cautious, we don't have time to mess up again!
*Communication isn't hard, men just make it that way
*are you going to be a Congressman?
*You've got to discipline me
Wow, some of those are doozies.
And none of those women appealed to you? Oh, wii, those would have made really interesting stories for on line dating! LOL
kat
Hey Wii - for obvious reasons, BA lady seems like a promising candidate for you! Here's hoping she's a winner like all of us BA's.
BA
Yeah, she loves Jesus first, I'm hoping to get seconds...OMG, I've gotta stop myself lol. We shall see, online dating is a world all it's own so you never know which way it'll swing. People are weird. It's much easier to take their photo than to figure them out lol. Btw, she said she knows all about Ellen G White and the SDA church 'cuz she had a "friend" who was SDA and she learned about it then. Hm, same as my story!
*You've got to discipline me....Did you follow up on this one???? LOL. Wonder what she meant by that statement.
If I recall, it was about eating or something...nothing with whips and leather Rick lol.
Wow. Just ditched her butt. She thanked me for my message last night. I messaged her with a quote I'd come across that I thought she might like. She messages me tonight. "Thank you. Have you caught any fish yet?" I thought it an odd question and I replied "just you and that's enough lol" She then replies "you're online all the time and you haven't caught anything yet?" I replied "All the best to you. Good luck." Wow. just like I said online dating is a weird and wacky world...and I'm rarely online...so weird.
Well, the wingnut messaged me...twice after that. "I know you're not answering me..." and proceeded to say she wasn't really interested but I seemed like such a nice man she didn't want to say so. She wondered whether I knew of any good Christian men who would like to go to church on Sundays...I blocked her. Holy f2ck...where do these people come from?
I'm gonna start dating guys!
OMG, the wingnut has been online now for 3 straight hours. She keeps signing out and signing back in quickly so that her face will be near the top of the search list and therefore I will see it if I sign in. She's usually on for brief periods...but not tonight. What a fruit loop!
Sorry to be multi-posting but this evening really creeped me out.
This is your BA?? Oh my, you found an obsessive stalker!! I a sorry wii. Hopefully you will be laugh about this some day.
kat
This is your BA?? Oh my, you found an obsessive stalker!! I a sorry wii. Hopefully you will be laugh about this some day.
kat
I just want to be perfectly clear on this - not all of us BA's are stalkers!
BA (who is NOT a stalker)
You should keep that as your new signature BA! Lol. Sorry about the couple of typos, loud thunderstorms rolled through around 4 am. I am one sleepy lady.
kat
Wow, Wii, I gotta hand it to you. Your first time stepping back in the pool after awhile and you get that? She sounds like a total nut job!
Why don't you find the most boring profile and see how that works out?
Sadly Betsey, this was my second attempt...the first one dicked me around pretty good but was nothing compared to this nutjob. And again sadly, she was the most boring profile that's why I thought we'd be good together lol. I think I need to start drinking again 'cuz at least I know that's gonna turn out all bad right from the very beginning, there's something to be said for certainty lol. I'm going to church tonight for Bible study...and never leaving.
I haven't decided whether she was paranoid, multiple personality or just plain evil! It was like I was dealing with a different person...I work in mental health and yet she creeped me out! She also started ranting about how I could expect her, as a good Christian, to go to church on Saturday...(although I'd never asked her to go to church at all) I didn't read the rest 'cuz she was rambling almost incoherently. OK, no more Baptists, that's the second one that's weirded me out lol.
Well, on the good side, I bought myself a new DSLR yesterday...cameras I trust lol. It's a Pentax K-50 weather resitant model and I got it for $200 off and got two lenses with it, weather resistant too. Now I can shoot during snow, rain, and the second coming of Christ! I debated between this camera and the one I purchased, Panasonic Lumix FZ200 (an awesome camera btw). I didn't think I was ready for a DSLR...but at the price I got it, I'm ready now! I bought a battery holder too. This camera takes a lithium battery and any AA batteries you want to put in there instead. I took it out for a spin today and am mucho pleased with the results. Thank God for photography. If anyone wants to see some of my work here's the Flickr.com link...and if you don't then to hell with you lol.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/71911869@N07/
"I will wait for a man who will make an ordinary moment seem magical." Wow, hope she can live forever...she'll need to.
...actually, with a camera I could probably do it for her!
Like the pics wii. Very talented. Do u have an affinity for Asian culture?
An affinity? I was married to an Asian woman for 17 years and my last gf was Filipino. There are pros and cons to dating Asians...I won't date Chinese any more unless someone really touches me in some way. I'm certainly attracted to Asian women...and there's lots of them where I live! I'm open to other cultures though.
...and I won't approach Nanny's or Care givers...or women who cite "non-religious in their profiles. So I'm left with pretty much nobody lol.
Take salsa or bachata lessons. Lol
did that with the ex...it went real bad lol!
Besides wandering the downtown taking photos...and getting assaulted by a drunken native person, I also had an appt with my psychologist. I wanted to go over my newly found break with sanity...my attempts to date. IC said that my mistake is that I believe that people are basically good and honourable like I am...many just aren't. She also said that I have the idea the these people are in touch with their feelings and when they do crappy things to me I believe they're doing it purposely. She said many people act but have no real understanding of their feelings or why they do what they do. Anyway, she said when things like my recent experience happen to her she tries to be grateful for it 'cuz it means she got spared something worse if it had of continued. Anyway, she thinks BA Lady (sorry BA I'll never use your initials with a lady again...promise!) was wanting to hurt me cuz I basically ditched her for being an insensitive boob. Who knows. She also said that I need to be careful of that part of me that starts blaming myself or feeling it happened 'cuz I wasn't good enough...and all the other bs I tell myself. We also discussed the church lady who I said I was gonna lay off of...I don't need the crap that comes from it all going bad in a little church. She agreed it would be best to be very cautious but remain friendly with the lady and see what happens. Anyway, she also told me to date Asians if I want to..."you know what you like, so go ahead and do it" I dunno. So, that was that. I think I'm cured and that slap in the head from the homeless guy, it's exactly what I needed lol!
Do you ever wonder if some of your dating issues come up because you are attracted to women of Asian decent? I know that is the type of woman you were married to, so you do get some of the cultural differences but they aren't universal across all countries of that region or families either.
Some of these women families may take issue with her dating outside of her culture/race. Then make it very difficult on her. Just saying.
kat
Filipinos don't have that concept so dating outside your race is no problem...some Chinese do. My dating "problems" are the universal crap everyone has to deal with...I think dating brings up everyone's crazy regardless of culture. It's hard to make yourself vulnerable to someone especially if you've been through some wounds...and we've all been there. I'm just moving a day at a time...we'll see, no rush
Strange, Wii - but I've often wondered the same thing. If dating women of Asian culture is not part of the problem. It simply could be. People of different cultures sometimes have different life experiences. And I truly believe that we bond best with partners who have similar values to our own. Of course it is more than that but I would think it would be worth giving someone of a similar background to your own a chance.
I wonder if you are trying to recreate your own life but doing it with someone else's lifestyle. You changed churches because you wanted to go to the same one as the woman you were dating. Maybe you need to find one that is Wii's and not one that is mostly filled with people of Asian descent. Didn't you used to go to a United church? Before you met your wife?
Something to think about. Instead of "more of the same". Surprised your C didn't mention this.
Barb
Froggy,
I can understand that you have a certain type of women you like: Asian.
I have mine: blonde women
So go with this!
Barb, I'm not excluding anyone because of an attraction to certain types of women...I'm attracted to lots of people. The church I went to when I was dating SDA Lady was not Filipino and it was not her church. It was also a very ethnically diverse church but also very large. She came with me when she was able and sometimes we went to the Filipino church because that's where she went...mostly she went nowhere. The SDA church I attend now is very ethnically diverse...which is one reasons I chose it and small, the other reason I chose it. There are only a few Filipinos there. We are very small but have a very diverse group. Yes, I learned about Adventist theology when I was dating SDA Lady and it fascinated me. She used to tell people I was a better Adventist than she was. I follow it now because I believe it. It speaks to me and makes theological sense whereas the theology of other denominations doesn't. I do not believe in a hell where people suffer for eternity, I believe Sabbath is Saturday...it is one of the Ten Commandments, I do not believe that when we die we go directly to heaven or hell. I believe in the Adventist health message which includes a strong promotion of vegetarianism, I believe Ellen G White was a prophet...I could go on but you get the idea.
And yes, there are differences in cultures that can be an issue in relationships but it can also be something that is exciting for both partners.
As I said, I'm in no hurry and am open...just not liking how the game is played these days lol.
...and I was attending no church when I met my wife but we started going to a Unitarian church later on...after I apparently crushed her faith (according to her) I was born Disciples of Christ but raised in the United Church.
Wonka, Asian women have an appeal but I prefer Filipino women because they are very Americanized...they know the same music, tv shows that I do and grew up with. They know our food, they get sarcasm and irony. They're funny and feisty. They also say some of the most beautiful things any women could say to a man. That said, yes there are differences that can be issues...they come from a very communal type culture where family is everything...and you better respect her family or you're toast! They send lots of money home...so live with it. And my god, they love to clean lol. My best friend has dated a couple of Filipino ladies (he dates them because they're the only ones that reply to him online) and he asked me not too long ago "What's with Filipina's and cleaning" I said "has she cleaned your apartment yet" he said "not yet, but she wants to!" Their culture says you clean and cook for your man to show you love him. When you bring a Filipina home and she says "I wanna do it" she's talking about cleaning your place lol. When SDA lady came to my place for the first time...she cleaned my garbage can, she even put it in the shower. So yes, you have to be aware and tolerant of some things and they can be a problem if you don't talk about them. Anyway, haven't met a blond Filipina yet but if I do I'll send her directly to you lol. Gotta go, I'm making a vegetarian meat loaf for church tomorrow. It's International Day...I'm in the North American group which consists of four. Thanks for dropping by.
Wow, I checked out some of the Caucasian ladies, while waiting for my meatless meatloaf to cool, and I have no idea where they find time to date. They're all so busy travelling and living at the gym...or kayaking. I'm exhausted from just reading about their active lifestyles. Whew, gotta lie down. (But they all seem to have cars...I like that)
Wii,
I hope you find a nice woman (of any culture) who truly appreciates your sense of humour. Because you ARE funny! (I say that in a nice way). You always make me laugh. (well, unless I'm crying).
Kayaking! Ha! Maybe they're hanging out at SunFun Cottages. Did I tell you I bought 2 Kayaks? Seems everyone expects them.
Anyway - I just stepped out of my box and sent my first PayPal Invoice. I survived!
Barb
You're gonna be inundated with single women wanting to vacation at SunFun Cottages! My best friend once dated a lady who listed "kayaking" as an interest...It turned out that she'd kayaked once at her cousins cottage lol. Good job with the Paypal...you're growing!
Btw, I'm thinking of messaging a sweet little black RN...WTH is lovers rock reggae anyway?
...and she has a car, which is all that really matters.
"If you describe yourself as a few extra pounds or more importantly your friends describe you as having a few extra pounds, we are not a match. If I run into you on the perimeter of the grocery store I would say hello.......I would not date you."
Oh, where have you been all my life...I must have missed you while I was hanging out in the Cheetos section! OMG.
Wow, hot night on the old profile front," I am the goddess of Love, Beauty and Pleasure."... yes,but do you bowl ten pin?
Thought of the day from my 82 year old American church friend Agnes, "When I was a kid I used to think that when Jesus came back we'd all become white" OMG, I'm beginning to understand why I stick with Asians lol.
I had a wonderful day at church today. It was our International Day celebration and I've never seen so much vegetarian food from so many cultures in the same place at the same time. Awesome feast. I had a nice chat with the Pastor's wife, who'd said she wanted to hear my story a few weeks ago at the campfire meeting. Church Lady was there and we chatted briefly a couple of times. She approached me to compare what we had on our plates and to make sure I tried the Filipino food she made. My meatless meatloaf turned out well, I was pleased. Nice day. Tonight I'm going to Voldy's (so much for the nice day) to meet with D20 "who has been slacking in her job hunt and we need to tighten up with her" She had a job interview at American Eagle a week ago and they said they'd let her know by Wednesday, they were doing reference checks on the candidates. She was very excited and positive about the interview, so we shall see.
Here's a few gems from today's perusing:
I'd like to meet a man who isn't full of crap.
I am crazy about ironing my clothes including sheets.
Hi I am cat I have look hair. Single fun out going looking. For. Friends. At this time I have cats.
The first one at least sounds normal. Is she Asian too? If so,sign her up.
kat
"I believe in collecting experiences rather than "stuff", though show me a cute pair of shoes, and I'd be hard pressed to pass it up! Show me a cute pair of shoes that's on sale, well then, I just might say, "Stuff the experience!" :-)"...and she's Asian.
Ok you stick with the Asian women and I will seek out only Irish men.
kat
When I think I'm ready and someone contacts me I freak out and think "I'll have less time with the kids". I am fully over ex, but not sure I want to give up my life the way it is now.
I totally don't get the people who are on a dating site and post no pictures... I'm not vain but jeez, I want to know what you look like!
Hey Cat, long time no read lol. Some men (and women) don't post photos because they are married. They'll send you a photo at a later time if you're interested. They're also fishing, sending out dozens of "Hey, you're hot" messages looking for one who'll answer. I've read that some really attractive women might not post photos because when they do they have to wade through hundreds of "let's do it" messages to find the few good ones. When they find one they'll send photos. I know on POF guys aren't allowed to send photos anymore...guess why!
As far as not being sure...that's all of us Cat! My life is fine as is but I miss having someone who actually gives a crap about how my day went. I miss knowing someone thinks of me when they get up in the morning. I miss holding someone's hand. I miss that warm feeling when I think of that person. Does all that add up to committed relationship...I dunno.
Thanks for weighing in.
"I like my men like I like my books...well-read and bound in leather." Um...ok.