My h has been going thru mlc. The crazy stuff he has done clearly point to mlc with some mental instability. H retained a lawyer, so I filed on him and he should be served any day now.
We have 2 kids and are community property state. Any advice would be great!!
Hi Scooby - welcome to our little corner of the board!
As to practical stuff, make copies of all financial records, tax returns, retirement accounts etc. Put them in a safe place, not in the house.
Usually in a divorce H will be required to continue your insurance until the divorce is final. Then you can COBRA the coverage for 36 mos if you want.
Start figuring out what you want to do with the house. Do you want it? Will he? How much equity is in it?
Your attorney can give you a rough idea of what's reasonable to expect financially.
Also keep documentation of any weird intersctions with H, in case things escalate to the point of needing a restraining order or something.
It's gonna be ok. Really. On the other side of this storm, the sun is gonna shine.
I also recommend if your H has the better health insurance coverage, ask him to cover the kids down the road. Keep in mind that it plays into the support formula, but is well worth it if your kids get the best coverage they can.
Ellie is right - there is definitely sunshine above the clouds.
Good luck!
Betsey
Thanks. They tried to serve h last night, but he was out. I told them best to serve him at work, and he said he needs special permission for that. I said good luck finding him at home then. This whole thing is a nightmare.
I have tons of evidence on h. He is a mlcer and crazy to boot. He thinks I am stupid, so he leaves me plenty evidence. I have the financials locked and he cannot get into it without locksmith. I will start moving it out of the house though. With the serving the is a restraining order for financials.
H is ow and is lying saying we are just friends. He would be in trouble at work if found out. I have half a mind to hire pi and plaster pictures everywhere...lol. H is suing work over this. He thinks he is being harassed. I think he even believes his lies at this point.
Thanks. They tried to serve h last night, but he was out. I told them best to serve him at work, and he said he needs special permission for that. I said good luck finding him at home then. This whole thing is a nightmare.
I have tons of evidence on h. He is a mlcer and crazy to boot. He thinks I am stupid, so he leaves me plenty evidence. I have the financials locked and he cannot get into it without locksmith. I will start moving it out of the house though. With the serving the is a restraining order for financials.
H is ow and is lying saying we are just friends. He would be in trouble at work if found out. I have half a mind to hire pi and plaster pictures everywhere...lol. H is suing work over this. He thinks he is being harassed. I think he even believes his lies at this point.
Still waiting for him to be served. Ugh
Worst case scenario at least its true in California if you can provide evidence that you attempted to serve him several times in court you can proceed without him. Although given the extra time and effort it takes to push through court processes I hope it doesn't get to that. Good luck!
Can't you just serve him yourself? Have a friend with you when you do.
I am thinking he was served and is being silent about it to piss me off. He is undiagnosed bipolar or personality disorder. He also has a psychology degree and tricked an IC for five sessions. I hope he effs up royally. I have kids and am worried about his craziness. It is more than mlc he is wacko. I have took notes on his UPS, downs, and anger. So now I know the moods. I talked to the cops and I can do nothing about the bullying and verbal abuse. Basically he has to hit me. We are living together and divorcing. Any suggestions? I need serious help. There is more to the story of awful craziness. Some that I can't write. I am also on Hs site. Need serious help.
Scooby,
I would venture to say that he's been served, i.e., from your postings on another forum. Right now, he's remaining silent because he knows that if he does so, it will create a lot of anxiety and worry in you. Don't let him see you sweat!
I would suggest that if you are that concerned about your welfare that you and the kids go stay w/someone for the weekend. I'm sure you have friends that would be more than willing to have you stay w/them. There's nothing more we can suggest other than go somewhere else or have someone come there. He's not going to leave and he's going to make you miserable the entire weekend and I, for one, say that you need to think of your own safety now because it's too late if he should do you physical harm.
I have had someone staying in house during days last few weeks. My church and family stepped up and planned this not me. I have had people at night for almost the last week too.
The cops said when I called them a month ago, that he is trying to get me to do something stupid. I don't understand how he has the brain compacity to do that, when other things don't seem to register one bit in his pea brain.
I am hoping that the divorce is quick and simple. It all depends on the mood that we get him in - so it is a crap shoot. I know that he has to be mad that I am not doing it his way. He wanted me to do a mediator with him. But in our dumb area I live in lawyers are not allowed in mediation. If we do end up in mediation there is going to be a lot of stipulations to protect me, as my lawyer says H has this weird poswer over me.
I have started the kids in IC. That was a feet to get scrappy to agree. The kids know more than H thought they did. Someone should not text OW while kids that read sit on their laps. Imagine having a conversation with your kid about that - it was awful. Dumb a$$. It was hard to control my anger - I just remained calm and truth darted away today.
I am hoping today goes better than yesterday. I am tired of living in the same house. H disgusts and repulsed me due to the ea and pa. I want to kick his butt everytime he touches the kids BC I see him as tainted now. I dislike having the same days off. At least I have other people around to keep monster away. I was looking at finances trying to see what my budget will be after divorce. It is hard BC I am going to have a job change. Also I need to also figure out community property, if it literally means fifty fifty. Or if I get h to agree to something we can have it that way.
Hoping everyone has a good rest of their weekend.
What state are you in? I am guessing California. How old are your kids? There should be information on line giving you an idea about child support. How long have you been married? That should be part of the formula too.
kat
I looked up the information on the state website. I will have a different less paying job by the time this is over. H is hourly, so his pay is up and down. It has been up lately BC he works extra shifts to be around ow. I need to figure out my exact pay for my new job
He has been served. His lawyer sent me what he wants. He obviously has been working on this for awhile. The fight is on, as I don't care for what he wants. Help me? UGH
I'm glad he was finally served. You've been anxious and worried about this for a couple of days. How is he acting? Are you and the kids okay? Help you? What do you need?
Remember just because he wants something, that does not mean he will get it. Remember everything with the lawyer it is business, not a way to work out your emotions. Have you worked out what you need? Why do you need to go to a job that pays less?
What help are you looking for? Kat
So Hs proposal is more controlling dribble. I am not going to agree to what his lawyer sent. He has almost everything listed down to circulating fans. LMAO. He never told me he was served, but it happend it OW house...LOL.
We are still in the same house. I cannot get him out unless I feel like my life is in danger or he hits me. If I leave the house, it means that I don't want it, and he can have the possessions I leave behind.
He is going to fight me tooth and nail for custody of kids. I will always be in court with him until our youngest is 18. The help is what has worked for you all to get majority custody? Any suggestions on what helped you in your divorce would be great! We may end up going to trial on this. If we use his texts in trial - he is toast.
The thing is that H has poked momma bear. What he was suggesting in the D was a purposeful insult. I am done with the controlling fruit cake. The game is on.
Sadly my ex didn't want the kids other than what was mandated by the courts. His affair partner/new wife has her own two kids. They schedule the kids so they are kid free every other weekend. Since my oldest two have refused to spend weekends with them, I haven't had a kid free weekend since the divorce.
I suppose I could say it worked out for me in that way because I have been so lucky having them. I am sorry that I don't have any advice there. Just don't let this become so crazy that the kids get lost in the chaos.
kat
It is crazy to live in same house and get a divorce. I am very attached to my kids. I know h thinks he is too, but he had changed. He has done some crazy stuff that makes me question his mental state and judgment. I don't want the kids around this. Everyone has assured me the kids will see thru him. But I don't want my kids to hurt. I hope and pray he can get stable for the kids or remove himself from their lives. It is obvious there is going to be s fight over custody. H used to be so good, and now he is just crazy.
I have everything documented from the start. My IC told me to journal from the start. I am close to getting a restraining order. It is difficult here. He has to hit me or I need to feel like my life is in danger. Right now he is acting nice, but will get upset as we go further. I am prepared for anything. I have been through so much crap the last year, that I got this. My lawyer gave me a good pep talk. No one can treat me this way.
Another day with scrappy of monster- I am nice, back and forth. It really [censored]. Tired of dealing with the nonsense and up and down swings. At least I know the cycle now. This many days angry, this man depressed, this many manic. If he could just figure out he has problems.
Looking forward to moving on, if he ever gets the eff away.
There was a very sad article on the Huffington Post yesterday, called something like The Man Behind the Yellow Door. All about a guy who went crazy, his wife had to move away with the kids, the parents would leave groceries on his doorstep, he was paranoid and really needed to be hospitalized - but the laws on involuntary mental hospitalizations are so overly strict, there's nothing anyone can do for him.
That same article was in the Washington Post on Sunday. The story is local. It was sad and left me wondering this man is now and how he is doing. Our country is failing miserably when it comes to addressing mental health issues.
BA
Healthcare reform has hurt getting help for those mentally unstable. Sadly if institutes don't get paid they won't keep patients. Here if someone freaks you call 911 and they can do three day mental hold. Then a Dr. Can commit them. The laws are stupid. They made it more tough BC some people should not have been in institute.
Scrappy is acting stranger than normal. It makes me very uneasy. He shushed the kids when they talked about their morning. I don't have any trust for him anymore. My gut is usually right on with his crap.
Healthcare reform has hurt getting help for those mentally unstable
Actually, this is untrue. One of the most important parts of healthcare reform has been a mandate that mental illnesses have to be covered like other medical illnesses. This means that if your eating-disordered child needs inpatient treatment, for instance, it has to be covered just like any other hospitalization would be. (When my child had anorexia and bulimia, I heard many shocking storied of families having to sell their homes to pay for inpatient treatment that was not covered by insurance because it was a "mental illness". The brain is an organ just like a kidney or liver!).
As for involuntary commitment, it's true that it was abused in the distant past, that's why the pendulum swung so far the other way. As it has stood for the last 3 decades, it is easy to get a 5150 48 hour hold on someone. And if a doctor certifies them, a 2-week hold is pretty easy to get. But then it goes to a judge and will not be extended unless it can be proved that you pose an immediate threat to others or to yourself. If you can eat out of a trashcan and sleep under a cardboard box, you are considered to be capable of caring for yourself!
The system really fails the frankly psychotic, who could be helped often with medication, but who fall through the cracks and end up making up a big percentage of our homeless population. Very sad.
Thanks for the information. i wonder if each state is different on mental illness. I have seen it difficult for our patients who have used s ton of insurance for other medical or have no insurance. My state really fails people with medical coverage all the time.
How do you get a 5150 on someone?
If the cops bring someone in to a hospital, or a mobile psych crisis team picks someone up, a 5150 48 hour hold is pretty much guaranteed.
Thanks for the information. Hs behaviors have proven to be more than mlc. Not entirely sure what is going on, but something is off upstairs.
H is either very short with me or very nice. I don't trust either. It is very odd to be going through a divorce and living in the same house. I have asked him to leave, and he says he is not and I can't make him. I know I am not leaving. H may also end up losing his job along with ow. I can't believe the choices he has made.
that's incredibly stressful to be living in the same house. I lived with my ex for four months waiting for the SA to be completed. My reasoning for staying was that I wasn't going to take any chance of being seen as the abandoning parent. So I stayed and it was tough. My heart goes out to you and let's pray this is resolved quickly. All you can do is take care of you in such situations...it's paramount.
I don't want to leave the house as it is considered abandoning everything. I also would have to do it all of the sudden,which would hurt the kids even more. At least this way I can get more information on h.
I am sure this is going to take awhile. I predict a custody battle. I am hoping my lawyer can get primary custody for me, sole would be great. If h continues to be wacky I will fight for sole. Lately the way he looks at me scares me.
H probably doesn't want to leave the house for the same reason. So talk to your lawyer and see if there is some way you can offer H a deal that says something to the effect that you acknowledge that by him leaving the house, he's not giving up any rights to the house?
Really, for your health (and possibly safety) you need to figure out a way to get him out of there.
H claims it is BC of the kids. I know it is the $$$ and he has no place to go. Ow works with him and that would be a violation of work policy. I will ask my lawyer though. I never thought to give him an offer, thanks for the suggestion.
Hello Scooby. Expect the worst. Expect the worst. Expect the worst. I'm sorry but I read things that mirror my own sitch. Seven years post bomb it's still getting worse.
It's good you have a lawyer. You may not be able to get him out of the house but you say it's a community property state. Doesn't that mean if you leave he will have to compensate you for your share of the equity? Is the house free and clear? If not, is the financing in both your names? Can you or he qualify for the amount needed alone?
Everything is in both names. We are heading into mediation. We will see how that goes. I want as much custody as I can get.
Remember, this part is just business - keep the emotion out of it. Strictly a business negotiation.