New thread for new thoughts.
So 2014 hasn't been much of a stellar year so far for me. In no particular order:
1. My long time (almost 8 years) tenant moved out of my rental house in Florida and as a result the rental stood empty for more than 4 months.
2. I lost my dad to kidney cancer.
3. Found out my daughter was the victim of a sexual predator.
4. Was diagnosed with 2 areas of skin cancer.
However during the last few days while I was recovering from the surgery which dug cancer from my head, instead of thinking about the un-pleasantries of 2014, I instead spent some time thinking about my journey and transformation over the last 6 years. I realized that the best thing that had happened to me is that I had finally broke on through to the other side and that's something that I feel very blessed and thankful for and also very proud of as well. For all of us LBSs, I think it takes a good deal of courage and fortitude to get up after we've had the crap kicked out of us and the lives we were trying to faithfully build torn down by the person we were trying to build it with.
Six years ago:
1. I was mired in trying to save a marriage that really only existed in my mind and a piece of paper.
2. I had a spouse who had no intention of staying put in the relationship.
3. I was in a financial panic because I had sacrificed my career over the last 14 years to follow my military spouse and as a result had pigeon-holed myself into a job that at it's then salary would not pay my bills once the marital finances were untethered.
4. I was looking down the barrel at AARP status thinking that if I was forced into the world of dating who in their right mind would ever want to hook up with a twice divorced 50+ year old guy.
Admittedly, sometimes the journey is a lot longer than we think it's going to be and when we are in the middle of the storm it's damn near impossible to realize that these things will pass and life will get better. In fact if someone had told me it was going to take almost 6 years to break on through to the other side I probably would have freaked out and gave up, but as I look back it doesn't actually seem that long and in a way everything that I went through was an important step along the way in building my life into what it is today.
Today I'm glad (and proud) to say that I'm my own person. I don't walk on eggshells around anyone anymore. I'm not stuck trying to make people happy who will never be happy. That is more freeing than I could ever have imagined it could be.
Today I am on solid financial ground. I took the initiative and the effort to get back out on the job search circuit and land a great job that pays the bills and then some. I have a solid financial plan in place. A plan that has given me home ownership with equity; will allow me to retire in 7 years without relying on someone else's stability or money; and provides me the freedom to enjoy life a little without worrying.
Last and certainly not least, today this 50+ AARP twice divorced guy has someone very special in his life. She is smart, funny, attractive and best of all she really cares for me. There are no red flags with her - her motives are pure and genuine.
So yes in some respects 2014 has really sucked - but in the bigger picture I have broken on through to the other side and let me tell you the other side is looking mighty fine.
BA
That’s great to hear BA!
I’m on the path a ways back. Thanks for blazing a trail.
BA-Great update! And good song choice as well. Hopefully, you're not personally summoning your own Jim Morrison...
Glad to hear that you're at least scheduled for mending. I'll comment more later. Probably tomorrow. I'm in the middle of a hornet's nest and both my cars are in the shop. So I'm hoping to get the hell out of here soon!
Take care-
Bets
There's always light somewhere and the key is to look for it. Great update BA. You've come along way!
BA-
Nothing to really add other than "go you"!
I truly won't go so far as to say this year svcks. I think much of it has been difficult, but I don't think it stinks. 2011 and 2012 will undoubtedly go down in my history books as "worst years EVER". So I have them to use as a comparison. And oddly enough, I'm still surprised that they were more awful than 2003 and 2004, when I was knee deep in my marital crisis!
I have my first counseling intake session (where they decide how f*cked up I am to refer me) next week. I'm finishing up my last transition class for D17's transition that night. So I figure I'll be ready to get started emoting with someone and figuring out what I've been stuffing myself. Ugh. What an awful thought, but it will be a relief to get it all out.
Keep on keepin' on!
Hugs-Betsey
Isn't it strange that emotion is looked on so negatively. I guess because it will supposedly "cloud" our rational thinking process and therefore impede taking appropriate action...I dunno. Weird stuff. I remember last year when there was that huge storm in the Philippines. I discovered weeks later that SDA Lady's home city had been one of the hardest hit and was devastated. I was overwhelmed with emotion! The thought that she may not know whether her family is alive or dead, especially her daughter, just floored me. I contacted her and found that all was well, which was a relief. I told my Mom about this and she told me "you're problem is that you're just too emotional about such things" Thanks Mom!
oops, that was the wrong thread. So sorry!
Hey Bets,
Hope the car repairs weren't too significant and you've got your wheels back!
While this year hasn't been stellar, I too have had worse years and survived so it's all good especially when I keep sight of the big picture and look at the good versus the bad. My worst year ever was 1990 and if I could survive all the crap that happened that year then seriously I can survive anything - makes 2014 look like a piece of cake.
I hope you find a good fit for a counselor and that D17's transition ends up easier than expected. Speaking of transitions, I realized yesterday that in just 2 short months my D17 heads off to college at VCU. It will be a really strange thing not having her around as much and just the thought that she is almost a full fledged adult is hard to comprehend.
Best,
BA
BA,
Cars are in working order and the cash hemorrhage seems to have ceased. (Fingers crossed.) It's funny that we all have those icky years to remember. BTW, 1990 was a good one for me - I got married, we went on a wonderful honeymoon and then moved to Colorado. But 2012? Awful. Hideous. The worst kind of svck I've ever experienced. Getting shingles for my 50th birthday (all the way to D20's graduation and beyond) seems to encapsulate the whole year perfectly.
My first intake appointment for IC is tomorrow morning. I'm a little nervous. I hope I'm not the complete ditz that might come out. This appointment is about finding where I am, and then placing me with the right counselor for me. My fingers are crossed.
Speaking of transitions, I realized yesterday that in just 2 short months my D17 heads off to college at VCU. It will be a really strange thing not having her around as much and just the thought that she is almost a full fledged adult is hard to comprehend.
Although I know you've done with before with your older kids, I do understand completely! It was also the icing on my 2012 cake too. Fortunately, Richmond is a short and beautiful ride home! Booking down 95 in the fall is one of my really happy memories (not in rush hour, though!).
And something tells me that your D15 is going to benefit greatly from having you all to herself. She's had a rough year, and just maybe this is what the doctor has ordered up for her. I bet she's apprehensive and excited at the same time.
My D20 has decided not to head to Australia for spring semester next year after all. I was really surprised, but her decisions were sound ones so I told her that I thought she was being reasonable. She then told me, "Then after I graduate, I'll head over and spend time with the family for a couple months like you did and enjoy every minute." I smiled and told her it was one of my most fond memories, and that she would love doing that too. (And then it's on her dime!!!)
BA, this must be the year of loss for lots of folks. My D20's BF just lost his dog and his grandmother in a 2 week span. I'm going to use what I learn about grieving to pass along to these 2. It has to be the gift that keeps giving, you know?
Other than that, I'm plugging along. The house hasn't sold yet, so we're dropping the price significantly today. We'll see. I'm kind of tired of going over to check on things - while it really isn't that big of a deal in the big picture, the small picture shows me that it's preventing me from keeping my focus on my household and my stuff. And for that reason alone, I'm motivated to get that house sold pronto. Our agent is awesome - we had a long chat last night and he wound up saying, "Betsey, you are one of the very few sellers that I can talk this way to, and I appreciate it." He's a great guy. Plus the added bonus is that he was a MLB player for quite awhile and is just so fun to talk to. When we start using baseball metaphor for everything, we crack ourselves up.
What are you doing for Father's Day? I have to get my dad a card today and get that thing sent off! I invited Mr. Wonderful over for dinner, and he accepted. So now D20 and I will plan a menu that pleases everyone.
TTFN,
Betsey
Hey Bets!
Glad to hear you have your wheels back in good working order! At the top of my irritant list is a car that is not dependable and in need of frequent repairs. I keep my fingers crossed that my 8 year old Volvo hangs in there a couple of more years, although I have been battling the itch to purchase something newer for over a year now so I don't know how much longer I can hold out!
Shingles svck!!! I had them back when I was only 24 and they were the pits! Took forever to get rid of them and I hope to never see them again, although the doctor at that time told me that it was rare to get them so young and my likelihood for shingles reoccurrence had increased 4 fold.
My first intake appointment for IC is tomorrow morning. I'm a little nervous. I hope I'm not the complete ditz that might come out. This appointment is about finding where I am, and then placing me with the right counselor for me. My fingers are crossed.
I hope your intake appointment goes (went) well. I also hope that you were simply yourself and told it like it is. That's the best way to ensure you get matched up with someone you click with and that can help guide you to effective solutions.
I agree that I'm very fortunate that Richmond is just a short drive south of me here in NoVa, however I'm not sure there is any decent time to drive down I-95 other than 3am in the morning! It is the most congested road, at least between here and Fredericksburg, that I've ever seen.
And something tells me that your D15 is going to benefit greatly from having you all to herself. She's had a rough year, and just maybe this is what the doctor has ordered up for her. I bet she's apprehensive and excited at the same time.
I really hope you are right about this. She has had a rough year but I am managing to keep the lines of communication open and stay engaged as much as possible without being overbearing. Maybe it's my wishful thinking but she has seemed a bit happier as of late so I am guardedly optimistic.
My D20 has decided not to head to Australia for spring semester next year after all. I was really surprised, but her decisions were sound ones so I told her that I thought she was being reasonable. She then told me, "Then after I graduate, I'll head over and spend time with the family for a couple months like you did and enjoy every minute." I smiled and told her it was one of my most fond memories, and that she would love doing that too. (And then it's on her dime!!!).
I'm surprised about this too. Were her reasons for not going BF related and not wanting to be so far away from him? Visiting Australia is on my definite bucket list. It just seems like such a unique country/continent.
I'm sorry about the loss of D20's BF grandmother and dog. That's a double whammy. I worry about our family dog. She is a sweetheart of a dog that turns 12 this year and we've had her since she was a puppy. Her breed typically lives between 10 to 13 years. Both of my D's (including me too) just love her and it will be devastating when she dies.
Hope you get a decent offer on the house soon. The market here has suddenly cooled after a very, very hot March and April when houses were selling within a week. Since May there have been several that have sat on the market and even have had price reductions.
What are you doing for Father's Day?
I will be on the road driving home from Pensacola on Father's day with my mom and GF in the car. My nephew is getting married on Saturday and my Mom is coming back up with me to attend D17's high school graduation. It will be the first time Mom and GF have met. It could be a "interesting" Father's Day.
BA
Just wanted to check in with ya'll and see how everyone is faring.
BA - how was the wedding and the introduction of your GF to your mom?
All is hopping here. My first real IC appointment is Wednesday (intake went fine). I'm not sure where I'm going to start, but I'll figure something out.
I've been busy with D17 lately. She had an endoscopy and a pH probe put in on Thursday and discovered the poor kid has some nasty ulcers. So we're back on the purple pill and more close monitoring. My next foray with be with D20, who needs to get scheduled with the GI very soon. I'm thinking she might have an auto immune disorder.
We lowered the price on the house again so we're the 2nd lowest in the 'hood. I'm really hoping that things start moving quickly on that front. I really can't juggle between 2 households and get anything done. Just one house is enough for me.
On a fun note, D20 and I have our chalk painting class tomorrow evening. We're both kind of excited about learning something new. She's apparently not been motivated to get her job back. Her dad and I reminded her last night that it was up to her to make sure she has enough spending money for school. So we'll see. I can't lie and say it hasn't been nice to have her around. She's uber handy and does stuff for me all the time.
We had Mr. Wonderful over for dinner last night for Father's day, and our time together was really fun. The weather was awesome so we were out on the patio until about 10 pm when he called Uncle and headed back to his place. My side hurts from laughing... we wound up telling D20 the stories from our earlier days that are now okay to share. LOL. And I'll say that we had a really fun time reminiscing and telling them. By the time we were around the chiminea with wine in hand, we wound up telling her some really hilarious stories about our wedding and rehearsal night. He typically changes the subject when we spend too long taking trips down memory lane, so it was surprising that he was the one initiating. And actually, he initiated all of it...
A few weeks ago, I had found a box with a slew of his photos in it in my basement and gave it to him. He started out by a gut laugh and said, "Those pictures have kept me busy for the last couple weeks. Jeez, I was one skinny bast*rd, and all I wore were ugly T-shirts and flannel shirts. No wonder I couldn't get dates. Why on earth did you go out with me?" From there, it got ridiculous.
Anyway, it was truly a fun evening and D20 and I had a very tasty menu that was enjoyed by all.
Now back to scratching the mosquito bites that I got last night. And trying to breathe through the long distance smoke from the NM fires. I've been kind of miserable today.
So that's it for me right now. Hope all you dads had a wonderful father's day too!
Betsey
I've been busy with D17 lately. She had an endoscopy and a pH probe put in on Thursday and discovered the poor kid has some nasty ulcers. So we're back on the purple pill and more close monitoring. My next foray with be with D20, who needs to get scheduled with the GI very soon. I'm thinking she might have an auto immune disorder.
Bets - a couple of things:
1) Purple pill = low stomach acid = difficulty absorbing B12, so make sure to give her extra B12 while she's on the acid blockers. Also, if she had actual ulcers, I hope they tested for H. pylori?
2) Re: D20 - what makes you think she has an autoimmune disorder? Has she been tested for celiac disease or gluten intolerance? What kind of symptoms is she having? (I know a bit about this stuff).
Ellie,
Thanks for weighing in!
D17 was literally born with ulcers - she had GERD from the get go. She had a nissin at 9 months to help with that. On top of that, she takes zonisamide for her seizures (acidic byproduct) as well as potassium citrate for her renal acidosis (also acidic). She was on prevacid and prilosec until the GI pulled her off and put her on ranitidine for years. We now give the potassium with food and the nexium an hour before dinner. Our follow up from the pH probe is Thursday.
I will definitely make sure she gets extra B12 - so thank you for that.
The reason we did the endoscopy in the first place is because we wanted to make sure that if the nissin had to be redone (it tends to loosen over time), we could do it while she's still a pediatric patient and use the same pediatric surgeon who did it in the first place. She turns 18 in March and we start some of the doctor migration then (GI and surgeons first). Nissin is intact. All that's left is to find out if she still has reflux (which is treated with nexium anyway but also might require some tightening of that nissin).
I actually want my D20 to be tested for celiac disease and gluten intolerance first. She has had constipation since her mid teens and it got really bad when she was about 17. She takes paleo greens and is more than pretty good with her diet to avoid foods that cause her distress (gluten being one of them). But still she has abdominal pain, some cramping and gas. She's really tired of feeling crappy. I honestly don't know what the problem is, so I'd like to get some sort of medical advice on the next step while she's home. There isn't a GI near her university... or even close.
Feel free to lead me here. They're supposed to call her today to set up an appointment, and she's asked for me to come with her.
Bets
If she's completely gluten-free now, a blood test for celiac disease may or may not show anything - the antibodies go down over time with a gluten-free diet, that's how we monitor progress. DO NOT take any advice that says "Go back on gluten for 6 months and then we'll biopsy you" - if she really has celiac disease, that could make her very ill and sometimes takes years to recover from.
I use an IgG food panel by U.S. Biotek in my office to find milder gluten-sensitive patients, but it's not a standard test and your GI won't know anything about it. Same problem though, if she's gluten free and it shows negative for gluten, it may just mean she's doing a good job of being compliant with her diet.
The most common food sensitivities I see with gluten issues are dairy and eggs. Also, there's a big overlap between celiac disease and thyroid disease, and chronic constipation can be a symptom of thyroid disease, so she should get that checked.
You can ask for a gene test (HLA DQ2/ DQ8) to see if she's at risk for celiac disease. It's imperfect, as 30% of the population has at least one gene and they don't all develop celiac disease (and it's possible to have some gluten issues without the gene). Still, if she tests out like me (I have the worst possible combination, 2 copies of HLA DQ2) she'd know she should really probably stay off of gluten. (Given that I have these genes and have another autoimmune disease already, MY risk of progressing to full-blown celiac disease in my lifetime is 30% !!!).
Also - make sure she's tested for parasites. Giardia is fairly common, you get it from drinking out of mountain streams or from exposure to kids who have it, it can cause chronic gas and cramping and is easily treated with a course of Flagyl.
D20 hasn't been completely gluten free - she just doesn't have a lot of it in her diet. She tends to eat lots of fruits and veggies, lean proteins and occasionally the gluten stuff - we had shortcake on Sunday and she definitely had a serving. But when we go to get a burger (which we did Saturday night at Five Guys), she orders hers in a lettuce wrap. I happen to love them too.
Occasionally, she'll have toast with her breakfast, so she's not been entirely avoiding gluten. And she definitely won't return to a full gluten diet to get a biopsy. Volleyball season starts very soon, and she feels lousy when eating it. So when that happens, she *will* avoid it at all cost.
I'll definitely keep those questions in mind (thyroid, parasites) when we get in to her appointment.
That's really crappy about your genetic predisposition to celiac disease. I think we're all genetic time bombs in one way or another. My D17 is the first person in the family with the full blown Angelmans.. although my dad's cousin on his dad's side has 2 kids with some severe disabilities that sure sound awfully similar to my kiddo. Only she won't get the kids tested. WTF? It doesn't alter the course of treatment, and her kids are now in their 30s so I really don't get it. I haven't been tested for the breast cancer gene, though. My aunt has it (tested after she got cancer), and I am an awful lot like her in many ways so... that makes me a hypocrite, huh?
My toast to you is that it never goes further than testing positive for both genes.
Hey Ellie,
My DD has *terrible* year-round allergies that cause significant cognitive effects. (Google "brain allergies.") DH has similar problems -- if he is irritable, irrational, or inexplicably acting drugged, an antihistamine helps. If DD is on steroids, her handwriting is so improved it looks like that of another child.
She's getting shots. But I'd like to try an elimination diet on both of them this summer as food allergies seem most apt to cause these cognitive effects. (I have allergies too -- their symptoms far exceed normal allergy brain fog.) Any recommendations on how to accomplish this simply with two *very* picky eaters, one of them being 7-years-old?
(Oops -- apologies for just horning in here :-) )
OT--this is kinda our community thread, so no apology is necessary. We all "horn in"
Good luck getting the allergies under control. What a mess! There are a lot of us here who have kids with issues and/or special needs. It's nice to know none of us is alone.
I'm leaving the medical stuff behind for a few hours shortly to take chalk painting class with my girls. Can't wait!
OT - for the 7 year old, I recommend first, before you start the diet, do a stool antibody test from enterolab dot come (you can order it yourself) for both gluten and dairy. Easier that sticking a kid for a blood test, and it's pretty sensitive.
Then you might start with just a month of a dairy-free gluten-free egg-free diet (those are the most common 3 I see on tests, and often found together). If that seems to help things, and nothing shows on the stool test, you might try reintroducing one at a time to see if you can find the culprit.
If that doesn't answer the question, then you can do a full-on elimination diet, starting with 3 days of just lamb, pears and rice, and then adding in one new food every day. If a food seems to cause a reaction, remove it again for a few days and try reintroducing.
Life Extension does offer a food allergy blood test you can order yourself somewhat similar to the U.S. Biotek one that I use, (although not as reliable). I like to say this test doesn't CONVICT any one food, but it does give you a police lineup of the likely culprits. I'd do the stool test on the 7 year old and consider the Life Extension test for hubby.
dot com not dot come lol. That might take you to a porn site!!!
Hello all!
Back from the Pensacola Fl trip and wedding for my Nephew so I thought I'd update on how things went. Trip down was nice although it is a long drive to Pensacola FL from Fairfax - almost 1000 miles! However it was nice traveling with GF. We left right after work on Thursday and drove for about 7 hours before stopping. Arrived in Pensacola on Friday at 2:30pm. We stayed at a small resort which sits right on a golf course. Very nice. GF met my Mom, Sister and BIL, brother and SIL and Niece.
About an hour later GF went over to the chipping green for a mini golf lesson from my Uncle. As soon as she was out of earshot, my mother leaned over and said to me - "BA you need to make her permanent, she is absolutely a lovely woman!"
She also received very high praise from both my sister and brother. Basically everyone loves her and I can't say I blame them as she is a very nice, warm and easygoing woman. Of course the reverse of that is how well did GF like my family and fortunately the feeling is mutual on her part. So it's all good.
The trip back included my mom since she wanted to come to see D17 graduation from HS and everything was smooth and relaxed all the way up. D17's graduation was very nice and she was so happy that her grandmother was there to see it. Afterwards we had dinner out with D17, D16 (and her BF), my mom, the ex and her BF. Dinner went really well and everyone had a nice time.
Thursday I'm taking GF to Wolf Trap to see Hall and Oates (for you youngsters they were popular in the 70's)
. Right now we are having a heat wave of sorts (97 degrees today) so hopefully by Thursday the temperatures will taper off.
Next Wednesday I have my second skin cancer surgery on my nose - ugh. But the good news is that the Insurance company approved my appeal and has reinstated my Prime coverage with no gap in service so even the previous procedure will be fully covered - yeah!
BA
Hey BA,
That's awesome that things went so well for your GF's intro to your family. It all sounds great! Not sure you need to do something permanent though. You both seem happy with how it's going - no need to rush.
Congrats on your daughter's grad. Nice you could all be there for her. Enjoy Hall & Oates. I sure remember them. Sounds like fun!
Barb
Hey BA,
That's awesome that things went so well for your GF's intro to your family. It all sounds great! Not sure you need to do something permanent though. You both seem happy with how it's going - no need to rush.
Thanks Barb. No worries on doing something permanent - I'm not even close to that point. My Mom was just letting me know that she really likes the GF a lot and thinks she's a good fit for me. Which so far I tend to agree.
BA
BA--Good luck on the surgery this week! Thinking of ya.
FYI, my first IC appointment went pretty well. I gauge that by the simple fact that I spent half of it bawling. I know none of you will be surprised about my homework assignment. I have to check into Brene Brown's TED talks. She wants me to pay special attention to vulnerability. Crap. She didn't even get halfway into our session before she got that shitty part about me. It's all good. She's 28 weeks preggers, and we have a lot of ground to cover before she heads out on maternity leave. I'm fast tracking myself to feeling better... (I've listened to the one she assigned me, and it resonated, so I'm going to listen again.)
My solace is in my newfound desire to paint furniture and sell it. D20 and I took a class in using Annie Sloan's chalk paint, and I started on a baby dresser yesterday. D20 wasn't convinced she liked my idea, but when she walked in the house after a day of fishing with her dad, she said, "I don't know why I think you're nuts because I love this. The pale pink drawers look awesome." LOL. I know. I have good visions and the ability to think through possibilities. That's one good thing about me.
Nothing else much going on here. We're still waiting for someone to put a contract on the house, so until then, I wander over every other day to water the flowers on the front porch, do weekly hot tub maintenance, and keep my eye on the place. I sure hope it sells quickly. I haven't even planted flowers at my own house. Yet.
Keep us posted on the outcome, ok?
Bets
LOL, I had to "like" Jen Lancaster! Thanks for the heads up. I've got a total girl crush on a gal named Nancy who posts under Artsy Chicks Rule. She's a fellow Virginian and I totally love her moxy. She inspires me.
I'm not a blogger but I'll share the photo of the finished product when I get it done. I'll probably work on it a little bit tonight, hoping to finish by the weekend. I can't figure out the best medium to sell my stuff - CL or to find a good consignment shop. With CL, I have to deal with weirdos. I'll probably call the person we used for the estate sale and ask for her opinion and go with it. Who knows, maybe she'll sell my stuff when staging (which is like consignment, as she takes 1/3 of the take).
Thanks for the added inspiration!
Add me to the Cry Baby Team. I think I went through a full box of Kleenex (tissues) at every IC session for the first 6 months. One day she had to pick me up off the floor. But it was good to get it out.
Love the sounds of your dresser. Can't wait for photos.
Barb
So this is the day before my surgery and I have to admit I am more than a bit anxious about it.
Thanks for all the well wishes.
The surgery last month was high up on my forehead and not as big a deal as the one tomorrow on my nose. Not only that, but it seems to me that there are now three other suspicious spots on my nose that either could be cancerous or are at best pre-cancerous. I'm going to ask the dermatologist about them as I'd rather just get this all taken care of at one time than have to come back in for multiple procedures. I'm not to happy that this ugly mug of mine is going to become even more unpleasant with all of these scars from surgery. Yes I guess that is being a bit vain, but seriously who wants to have their face turn into a scarred up mess.
In other news - D17 left this morning for her overnight college orientation. She is so excited for this next phase of her life to begin. She really kicked butt in her Senior year of course work earning all A's, including both of her AP classes. Her final GPA was 3.823 - can't help but brag about that!
Everything with the GF is going very, very well. She is taking off of work the next three days to accompany me to the surgery and to help take care of me the next could of days afterwards which is really nice of her. I'm thinking she's a keeper.
My two oldest kids are arriving next week to spend the July 4th weekend with me. We are taking my RV out to go camping. It should be a fun weekend and I am hoping that my nose will be healed enough to not gross out them or the general public!
BA
When I had mine cut out,I was really lucky to have it fairly close to my hair line. I did look rather strange though with this huge bandage over a quarter of my face.
Did they give you any medication to put on the other spots? Yes, I agree if you are going to make a sensitive area worked on, better to get it all done at once. Will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers over the next few days.
Congrats to your daughter! My s18 graduated too and he has decided right now to stay at home and go to my alma mater. So funny that both boys want to teach history. I always tell themall least they can work for the CIA with a history degree.
So glad that things seem to be falling into place for you.
kat
Wishing you all the best BA!
Barb
Kat - they have not given me any medication for the other spots. I just noticed them a couple of weeks ago and haven't had an appointment yet to point them out. I will do that tomorrow. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. Surgery starts around 9am tomorrow.
Barb - Thanks for the well wishes.
BA
Hope it went well. Did they say anything about the other spots you were concerned about? Take it easy. You are on the backstretch.
kat
OK, BA... how the heck are you? You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Thanks for all the well wishes and thoughts. I've been hunkered down since yesterday and on pain meds. Took the doc two sessions to get all of the cancer out and then stitch me up. I was nit happy having six shots in my nose yesterday but I'm glad to be cancer free at least for now. The other two spots were pre-cancerous so they froze those two areas. Right now Percocet is my friend. Hopefully tomorrow will be a pain free day
BA
Hiya BA,
I saw your post and photo on the Alt, and hope you have an awesome trip with your kids in the Griswold's camper.
Somehow, I know you'll handle the discomfort and signs of healing with the grace that you always seem to have.
Happy 4th!
Betsey
Thanks Bets! Happy upcoming 4th to you as well. Sorry about the smackdown the NATs did to your Rockies last night. Ok not really sorry - but hey we needed the win to keep up with those pesky Atlanta Braves!
My nose seems to be healing pretty well. Haven't had any pain in a few days so that is good. Still doesn't look too attractive, but hey not much I can do about that! Tomorrow morning I head back over to the dermatologist to have my nose checked up on and hopefully have the stitches removed. I plan on telling her that we need to stop meeting this way because it's just too painful for me!
Thursday morning my two oldest kids arrive and we are off to go camping for three days. It will be their first opportunity to meet the GF. Looking forward to it.
This afternoon I will be plopped down in front of the TV cheering on the US soccer team and hoping for a victory over Belgium!
Hope all on the boards are well!
BA
Have fun with the camping trip! I'm not even talking baseball either. Ugh. I normally take the kids to the Rox game for the 4th (they have spectacular fireworks), but there IS a limit on how much pain I can inflict on myself in a given period of time. I went over the allotment on Monday about the 5th inning.
I had my 2nd IC appointment today, and we started out with sharing my thoughts on the Brene Brown TED talk she assigned me. I was more than a little surprised to find myself entering a dark cave - one that is all too familiar - and having to see the pesky abandonment issues that have once again popped up. I was pretty much dead on the ground after 45 minutes. My face looks mottled and cry swollen so we'd be good company, BA. I guess I purged so much she told me no homework this time. I'm just supposed to process stuff. God, what a mess. I had no idea.
So I'll be mulling this shite over as I finish with my furniture project. I'll post a photo on the Alt when I'm all done.
In the meantime, I've had a really good week for work. Instead of being bored and absolutely dead, I've been hopping and got a nice big sale yesterday. I *love* when that happens!!!
It's going to be busy here, so not sure I'll be back before the 4th. So I hope everyone has a safe, relaxing and fun long weekend!
Hugs to all,
Betsey
Hi BA and all....
How are you feeling? Sounds like a tough go with the nasty skin shaving. Glad to hear your life is on the up and up in many ways and your perspective is so telling and spot on. Any golf lately? I'm playing on a league and shooting right around 100; hoping to break that number any day now!
FYI - Dave is back in my life and I guess I never realized how much fun a healthy relationship could be. Makes me wonder what the heck my marriage was. But, no looking back only ahead to wonderful times.
Heal up soon!!
GG
Hey GG! Good to hear from you!
I have pretty much recovered fully from the surgery and I have to say the Dermatologist did a pretty good job stitching me up. I don't think I'll have much if any scar at all on my nose which surprises me. Glad about that, even if it takes away a bit of the "tough guy" look!
So overall - and I stress OVERALL - the 4th of July camping trip was fun. I really did enjoy having my older kids in town and they absolutely love my GF and she feels the same about them. The weather was fantastic - not too hot days and nice cool evenings which is a bit of a surprise for this time of year. The not so good part was the morning after we arrived. The camper in the site just above us had pushed their sewage line too far down the pipe and it was blocking all of the sewage above it from draining into the septic tank. So when sewage can't drain down into a tank, it comes up through the pipe and the result was a river of sewage heading towards our campsite. YUCK!! So we had to pack everything up and get moved to another campsite after dealing with some smelly sh*t!!
Then there was the RV. It was in the shop for servicing right up until the day we left and they failed me on the vehicle inspection because of cracking in the tires. I had not been able to take it out last year and the sitting around not moving took a toll on them. So it will cost me about $1500 to replace all 6 of them. The servicing and a few minor repairs has already cost me $600. Plus I have a converter issue that they identified but could not fix before I left so I have to take it back to get repaired. THEN on the way home I stopped to fill up the tank and gas starting pouring out from under the RV. There is not a hole in the tank and it is not leaking from the fuel line either. It is either the pipe from the nozzle to the gas tank or the overflow sensor is broken. Either way it's another issue that needs to be fixed. Luckily I had enough gas in it to get home! So this is piling up to be an expensive money pit this month.
I have been playing some pretty decent golf - at least for me! Was fortunate to have two nice rounds in the mid-80's the last two times I went out. I'm playing this Sunday so we will see if they were a fluke or if I am on to something here. PGA tour here I come - NOT - but it is nice to be shooting back down in the 80's again as it has been a long time coming.
GG - Glad to hear Dave is back in your life, in a good way! Hope things continue to work out for you with him.
Bets - Sorry the IC sessions are so tough, but it is good to get through stuff that is causing so much stress, even when you don't recognize that it has. BTW - I've seen your face and a bunch of tears are not going to impact how nice you look - even a river of tears wouldn't get you even close to my ugly mug!
BA
BA - Thanks for the laugh! I'm sorry to hear about the *ahem* crap, but something tells me that it's a trip you'll never forget. Mr. Wonderful and I always seemed to have those kinds of vacations. But ya know what? We laughed then, and we laugh harder now. All in all, I think we both know how to forge a memory out of stuff like that. When we pulled in the garage after such a vacation, he would look at me and grin while saying, "Best Vacation Ever!" To this day, it makes both of us giggle.
And for the record, most of those kinds of vacations were in our RV. I think they are just money pits, but sure a heck of a lot of fun. LOL, one trip, we were camping with a bunch of friends from his work (I think D20 was a toddler) and in our pop up camper, but neighbors of ours rented a very sparse pop up. They pulled in the campsite and we just looked at each other. It looked like a plywood base with a tent top that had 2 really rickety bed platforms that pulled out to each side. It rained (of course), and that thing leaked. You know what the "branding" was on the side of that thing? Memory Maker! We still call the crappy pop ups Memory Makers...
Now, on to my friend GG! I love seeing your FB photos - you look like you're having a lot of fun this summer.
That's awesome! But... you know I'm gonna ask this, especially since you spent that entire workshop dodging Dave. Huh???????? Our last conversation you told me he was needy and morphed into the person he thought he should be. What changed? Or did you? Or is this a different Dave?
Still plugging on here, taking care of 2 households. We finally had to give in and repaint the entire interior and replace the carpeting due to the smoking. The painters had to seal everything with a smoke sealing primer and then they can paint. They'll be finishing up by Saturday. Carpet is being installed the week of the 21st. I love it so much and wish it were mine. We have an interested buyer who is seeing the house for the 3rd time today. I hope this one is the grand slam. I have difficulty managing my own house, let alone 2 of them.
Yes, IC has been good for me. If anything, it's making me be nicer to myself, and committing to me. I deserve that much, ya know? Instead of IC today, I have a mammogram instead. At least that won't make me cry. But I really don't have anything to cry about. Typically, the week of the 4th is really slow for us... actually, summer in general is slow because decision makers don't take vacation time at the same time. But this summer has been busy, and I actually got a really good order that week. Things are definitely looking up.
Now that summer is half over, I'm trying to make the most of it. D20 is heading to NYC next week to see her BF and go to the James Taylor concert. Then she's gonna be a tourist. You have to know that it really and truly galled me to see her purchase a Yankees shirt. She better not wear it around me.
OK, gotta get a couple things done before heading to the mammo.
Sounds like everyone is doing much, much better lately. That's good!
Bets
BA,
Sorry to hear about the crap you went through, but glad it was all in all a wonderful time and everyone enjoyed each other. Sometimes those crises bring out the best instead of the worst! Yikes...good for you, the 80's. I'm hoping to get in the 90's so good for you.
Betsey,
Yep, I think the time apart did us good. We are both different people than when we first got together. Dave continues to work on himself more than any other man I have ever met in my life. He has built some things into his life (men's group, men's golf league, etc.) and understands the importance of time apart. We built a friendship first and proceeded slowly. I did need to see if Dave changed for himself or simply to be with me. He clearly enjoys the new "him" and continues to seek ways to further his new path. It feels healthy and good. We are enjoying many activities together. It's not competitive between us at all and I find myself asking for his advice and help. I haven't done that before; I just used to think I knew everything. His patience has helped me see where I need to grow. I have found myself slipping into old patterns, but he's gentle and we work through things. We take it one day at a time and see what happens. I do like so many things about him. This is a lesson to me that no one is perfect and I need to look for the positives instead of the negatives. In life it's so easy to do that. Perhaps I was just finding things to push him away because of my fear? I think people eluded to that on this very forum!
Sending out good thoughts for you as you head to your mamo today. Let's hit some golf balls soon!
Bets,
Good luck with the house showing today!! Sending vibes and the St. Joseph statue luck....
Joining your thread. You have had an interesting year. Glad surgery went well. Thanks for the belly laugh about the crap
Oh, the brown fountain, up from the ground can a-bubbling.
Sorry it occurred. Can you imagine the embarrassment the people that caused it felt? I still chuckle when I remember similar scenes from the movie RV.
Glad you had a good time despite the adventures in RV’ing.
GG-
Wow.... what a fabulous turn of events!!! I'm really happy that you both have something to work toward. How awesome is that?
This is a lesson to me that no one is perfect and I need to look for the positives instead of the negatives. In life it's so easy to do that. Perhaps I was just finding things to push him away because of my fear? I think people eluded to that on this very forum!
LOL, I think this very topic is what spurred on our community thread a year ago. And since this is the crap (sorry, BA, this seems to be a great theme) that's coming up in IC, I totally get it. Good for you for working through it. I'm really proud of ya! I'll let you be my heroine.
Golf balls in August before you head back to school? I have to get through this 2 house thing and then the memorial service on the 25th first. Then I think I have some breathing room.
So keep up the great work, ok?
Welcome Scooby and JS to our community thread. We consider it the coffee shop for thoughts du jour.
BA, back to crap, already in progress.
Oh, camping. Lol. I don't miss it. I don't take the heat well and now with your stories, I know I am fine in a nice b and b or hotel.
GG, that is great that you and Dave have grown towards each other. Happy for you both.
Bets, you will get that house sold! Third time is the charm right?
I just came home to a destroyed living and dining room. The kids thought it would be funny to film my reaction. WTF??!! They need to get a life.
Yes, I made them put it back together. kat
Hey Scooby - welcome to the thread where "we shoot the sh*t" or is it "complain about the crap", well enough of the puns, you get the idea.
So I did some more calling around for tires and was able to find a place that will put 6 new ones on my RV for $1123.00 this Saturday. Glad that I could get it down under the first estimate of $1500. They are the same exact tires too, so it pays to get extra estimates! No idea how much the other stuff will cost, but it's not an option to not have them fixed so I'll just have to bite the bullet and "get er done!"
I have decided that it's time for me to make a move up the food chain here at work, so I've put in for 3 new positions within our agency that are the next (and final) rung up on the career ladder. Two of the positions match up so closely to my skill sets that it almost seems like they used my resume to write the position descriptions! Now I just have to hope that there aren't already some backroom deals that have been made with people to get the jobs and that I have an equal chance of being considered for them. Keeping my fingers crossed that I make the certification listing and get an interview.
Next week at this time, D17 and D16 will be getting ready to go to Costa Rica with their mom. They will be riding horses on the beach, going to spas and generally just living the good life for 8 days. The day they return I am headed North to Michigan to have a memorial mass for my Father and then spread his ashes out over the Au Sable River. My mother, brother and his family, and my two older kids will be joining me along with my GF. It was my father's last request that we do this for him, so it will be good to know that we have fulfilled his wishes.
Hope everyone is having a great week!
BA
Sounds like it will be a lovely ceremony although a sad occasion. All the best to you and yours BA.
So today was the sentencing day for the 24 y/o creep from New York who came down twice to see my D16 who was 15 at the time. He had pled guilty to one felony count. I wrote a victim impact statement and wanted to be in court when he was sentenced. The deal that the prosecutor and defense worked out was for a probation only sentence. After hearing both sides the judge, who was clearly not happy with the creep at all and what he had done, told the defense attorney that in good conscience she could not go along with the plea deal and gave the defendant an opportunity to withdraw his guilty plea. The defense attorney took a couple of minutes to confer with the creep and told the judge that they would not withdraw the plea and he was prepared for sentencing. The judge then lectured the creep about what he had done and sentenced him to 5 years in prison with 4 1/2 suspended followed by 12 years of supervised probation. So he was placed in handcuffs and led off to the county jail where he will be stay for the next six months. In addition he is prohibited from unsupervised contact with minors, has to register on the sex offender registry and complete a sex offender course, and is prohibited from contacting my daughter.
It was a stressful day but I am glad I went. It brought a sense of closure to all of that whole issue.
BA
BA,
Yeeesss!! Glad that the judge nailed his ass on the board!!
I am so happy that this ordeal is behind you, your D and the family. Sickos like that should not be allowed to roam free at all.
Hey all--
BA, I'm so glad you got some resolution on the perv. What a good way to end that whole ordeal. Hope your trip to Michigan was healing and everything all of you needed it to be.
Did you get the job????
We have the burial and get together this Friday. It will be a military burial, complete with the 21 gun salute. I found out last night that dear old Mr. Wonderful isn't going. I'm a little disappointed, but not at all surprised. There are 600,001 reasons why he should make an appearance. But as D20 and I were texting last night, we saw it coming. Because he doesn't do sad and emotional.
It's been a topsy turvy month for me. In addition to managing the care of 2 houses, having kids, and working, my technical person here resigned yesterday, and the transaction will be considered a done deal when he finishes one of the client projects that he's been working on and implementing. His 12 year old son sexually assaulted his 6 year old female cousin, and he and his wife are devastated. As he told me on the phone yesterday, he was crying. And like me, he's a 52 year old man. I feel so awful for him, but I understand. Now I need to find someone. Not so happy about that.
Now that we got the other house painted and the new carpet is being installed (yesterday and finishing today), we got an offer on the house. It's a low ball and we countered, so now we wait and see if it's a serious buyer or just one who thinks they can get it for a real steal. Keeping my fingers crossed.
IC is going well. I'm working on my limiting beliefs and now working on being cognizant of what's happening when they appear. It's kind of hard work. I shouldn't be surprised that some of this stuff has everything to do with my divorce, but it has. Go figure.
And that's all I have going on at the moment.
TTFN,
Betsey
Well, the buyer was looking for a deal, so the offer is dead. No worries, but I'm kinda disappointed. Oh well... Tomorrow is another day.
On the flip side, Mr. Wonderful called me this evening to let me know he changed his mind. Wait for it.......... He told his friends he was dropping out of the golf tournament on Friday and did we want to drive to Fort Logan together? I almost fell out of my chair. I asked him why? He said, "D was really good to us and I felt it was the right thing to do." D20 asked me if I guilted him. I told her he made his decision all by himself cause I didn't talk to him at all today. Go figure.
She was as surprised as I was. I'm glad. D was her godfather and she could use her dad's support. I'm not stupid enough to expect that, but she can count on him.
Ok, time to go fix D17's lunch for camp tomorrow and the haul her butt off to the bath.
Cheers,
Betsey
Hey Bets - Sorry the offer on the place was not a serious one. Hopefully another one is just around the corner.
My trip to Michigan is this weekend. I am actually looking forward to getting away from the DC area and back to the Great Lake state for a few days. I wish the reason for going back was a different one rather than a funeral service for my Father, however it gives me solace that we are carrying out his last wishes and I know he would be quite pleased with what we have planned for him.
No news on the job front yet - sometimes the government moves slower than molasses on these things. The good thing is that I already like the position I am in so it's not the end of the world if they don't select me. The additional salary with the promotion would be nice, but the position I'm in pays the bills so it's all good.
Things with the GF are still going really well and she is excited to be going to Michigan to see my old stomping grounds this weekend and I am excited to show her around. My family loves her and they are really happy for me and looking forward to spending more time with her this weekend. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm just not dreaming this stuff up.
The next big event will be when I get back and preparing to send D17 off to college in mid-August. She and her sister are currently in Costa Rica with their Mom - they return Friday night after being gone for 8 days. They have had a blast zip lining in the jungle, horseback riding on the beach and just exploring the area down there. I've been living vicariously through the pictures they have been posting on their fb pages.
That's all from this end.
BA
How did Michigan go? I am sure your girlfriend loved it but always nice to hear.
Anymore on the job front? I am sitting here knowing it would be better to get a better paying job if I could get one but feeling a pull since this job allowed me to get through the worst time of my life. They are fully aware that my finances are going to take a huge hit in 2 months but they don't have any options for me unless I want to become a financial advisor, I don't.
My biggest thing right now is to find some finacial stability for a while and then start working on my coaching. I hate the stressing out that I am going through now.
kat
Hi all,
Now that I'm through with the burial and memorial and caught up at work, I have a chance to breathe and post here. Whew.
Kat, I understand your loyalty to the folks that got you through a very tough time in your life. As an employer, I would totally appreciate you! However, I also have understood when employees have had to leave for opportunities that benefited them more. I urge you to reframe that one so you can sleep a little better at night. You're being upfront about your needs, and they *will* understand.
Heck, even my D20 got a better paying job back at Maggiano's than I could pay her for working here. You have to take care of yourself.
Today I've been taking a little detour from work to make some travel plans. First on the agenda is to head to upstate NY in October for my D20's volleyball tournament on home court, which will also have to be parents' weekend since the real one is a week later and they'll be out of town. Mr. Wonderful, D17 and I are traveling together again, LOL. It's been awhile, and it still kind of cracks me up. Anyway, she's thrilled.
My credit cards are getting an additional workout, as she booked her flights home for Christmas. I feel like I should own some stock in the airlines.
Gineen, next on my agenda will be to book my trip to the NYC area. I'm trying to add a couple days prior to meet with clients on Long Island and in Brooklyn. I need to confirm those appointments, and then I'll confirm with my travel buddy and clear with you. Then I'll be good! I'm excited about that one.
Other than that, same old same old. Nothing exciting to report.
Betsey
How did Michigan go? I am sure your girlfriend loved it but always nice to hear.
Anymore on the job front? I am sitting here knowing it would be better to get a better paying job if I could get one but feeling a pull since this job allowed me to get through the worst time of my life. They are fully aware that my finances are going to take a huge hit in 2 months but they don't have any options for me unless I want to become a financial advisor, I don't.
My biggest thing right now is to find some finacial stability for a while and then start working on my coaching. I hate the stressing out that I am going through now.
kat
Hey Kat - well Michigan went great!! The memorial mass for my Father was well attended by friends and family some of whom we had not seen in quite a while. The spreading of his ashes up in northern Michigan on the Ausable River was very touching especially knowing that we were caring out his final wish. His sole remaining brother who is 83 years old (my Uncle) wading out into the river where they used to fish as young boys and gently sprinkled out his ashes. As they hit the water they expanded in width as they flowed down the river. As he finished emptying out the urn we could hear him say "Goodbye Norm." It was simply amazing to watch.
Everyone of my family and friends loves the girlfriend - including me (yes BA is in L O V E!) She is soooo easy to get along with, not too mention very easy on the eyes! ;-) She treats me so well and is just a joy to have in my life. We had a wonderful time together the last 5 days showing her around my old stomping grounds up in the Great Lake State.
As for the job front, no news on that front. Still waiting for an interview call for the one that I was referred to the selecting official. Patience is the key there. If it is meant to be it will happen. At least I have a solid job that I am in now so all is good!
BA
Well this was an expensive weekend and it looks like it's going to roll over into the week as well. My daughter's first semester bill for college was due which came in just shy of $12,000. Thank goodness she decided to attend a state school and not a private one - I can only imagine how that would have turned out. Then I had to take my car in for a some maintenance and a slow leaking tire. They couldn't repair the tire so I had to get a new one put on. Final bill including the maintenance was $355. Tomorrow I have to take my RV in to get several things fixed with it and I am expecting the cost to be in the $800 to $1000 range. Then last night I was in the laundry room and felt a drop of water hit my head. Looked up and yep - I have a leak coming from the upstairs bathroom. So I've got the handyman I use on a regular basis coming out this morning to look at that. Hopefully it's a simple and easy fix, although I already know that I'm going to need some drywall replaced - that's probably the least expensive part of the repair though.
BA
Wow BA - that's a lot of $ to fork out! Hope the leak doesn't turn out to be anything major. 12 G for college semester is huge! Hope the expenses stop here!
Barb
Ouch! I hope the leak is a easy fix. I wouldn't even begin to be able to handle what you are up against financially. Fortunately both boys together are about that amount for the whole year at college!
kat
Thanks Barb and Kat!
It was more than I anticipated (I was hoping for a bill of just under $10K), but at least I have been saving for this day for several years so that helps tremendously - however it doesn't take away the shock of seeing the college account drop $12K in one stroke of a computer key!
On a positive note, it appears the leak will be an easy fix and only cost me about $150. Feel like I at least dodged one bullet there!
BA
OY, BA! I definitely know how you feel. I had a month like that in June - it seemed to siphon immediately out of my account and it got to the point of ridiculous. Anyway, I hope you have some relief by the weekend! Now we're both down to 1 kid!
I need to replace my windshield soon, as it's got a huge gouge from a rock off a dump truck. I'm waiting to hear back. Oh well.
You've certainly had an "exciting" year, haven't you? I'm glad your dad's memorial went well. I think those things are great for definite endings. I didn't realize how much I needed it as well.
Anyhoo, that's it for the moment. I'm actually in a time void (for lack of a better word) right now - no momentum for anything so I'm just taking stuff as it comes. It's kind of like a free fall?
Hope your week is a good one from here on out!
Betsey
Thanks Betsey!
Yes the financial bleeding has been relentless in July and early August. I am hopeful that the fall months will be a bit more financially friendly! At least my leak is now fixed at a cost of $180.00. Could have been worse.
Sorry about your windshield - hopefully your insurance covers the cost of replacement but it's still annoying to have to deal with that stuff, at least it is for me. My auto repair session took up the majority of my Sunday morning not to mention the cost as well. I would have rather been doing something more fun.
Yesterday, my D17 informed me that this past weekend was our last one together before she heads out - she is with her mom this coming weekend. :-( She is really excited about her future.
I had the college safety talk with her this weekend and I am hoping that everything I said sunk in. Fortunately she has a good head on her shoulder and I don't see her getting into any trouble but I want her to know that she has to be more aware of her surroundings and the actions of people around her as well.
On the good news front, I found out my GF landed a new job this morning. Will result in about a 50% pay increase for her which she deserves - her previous Fortune 500 consulting firm was shamelessly underpaying her. So she is on cloud nine right now. We will have to celebrate tonight!
BA
BA,
It looks like things are starting to go on the upswing for you, your family and GF. Seems that the financial bumps are now behind you for now. Life throws us a bunch of curve balls shaped like lemons. Don't be fooled that they're baseballs!
Well this is the last week for D17 before she heads off to college! Wow where has time gone!!! College move-in day is Saturday morning beginning at 10am. I will be driving her down with her boyfriend and also the ex-W as well. We will have my Volvo SUV packed full with everything she thinks she needs to include a mini-fridge and microwave oven - I hope she remembers optional things like clothes!
Last night D17 and I watched a few clips of her from when she was just 7 years old living in Naples Italy. How much different our lives (D17, D16 and mine and ex-W as well) are today. Overall though it's a good thing. D17 is a happy, well-adjusted, confident and independent young lady who is excited about her future. I'd like to think I had a hand in that accomplishment. As for me, I am a much more happier, confident man who is enjoying a sustained period of a stable non-drama filled life which I intend to keep. That being said - Saturday morning will still be somewhat of an emotional day for me - but I am so proud of D17 and I know she is going to accomplish great things in her life.
BA
Aww, BA, right there with ya!
Sounds like we're living parallel lives! (Right down to the photo musings and conclusions...)
When D20 pulled up to my office yesterday afternoon in her dad's Subaru Legacy wagon--filled with her crap--it made my heart heavy as well. And there is no way I'm going to deny that. The only thing I can say is that I didn't cry. D17? Whoa boy. Last night D20 texted me and said she and her dad made it to Kearney. She asked me to Face Time with D17. They were at a restaurant and we joked around for a few minutes - all 4 of us. Then we hung up and my D17 just sobbed. Heart wrenching sobs. It lasted about 15 minutes. She got out D20's high school volleyball programme and went to bed with it. I felt so bad for her.
We're going to Face Time again tonight so hopefully we'll get through this transition. I might have cried myself, but I knew instinctively that D17 needed me to be the person who was in a good place.
All I can say is that it's tough. Exciting but tough.
And I'm really glad you're in such a good place yourself. That will go a long way, you know?
Hugs,
Bets
Bets - we do seem to be living in parallel lives!!! Glad to have you on board!
The college expense stuff seems to be hitting me every time I turn around. Yesterday it was a new laptop computer for D17 since her current one is just not cutting it - after all it is a "dinosaur" seeing we bought it more than 4 years ago. We still haven't even bought a single textbook and I'm sure once she is down there a few days there will a whole list of things she will discover she needs that she doesn't have. Oh well, I keep reminding myself that I am thankful to have a stable decent paying job that funds this stuff and that her mother willingly kicks in as well. It would be that much worse if we weren't in this, expense wise, together.
I've have never done Face Time before so this will be a new experience for me. My girls are experts at it though so I'm sure they will get me up to speed on it quickly - plus we will have Skype as well.
BA
So aside from the excruciatingly painful 7 hours of time spent on I95 going to and from Richmond, VA which is just 90 miles from Fairfax - the college move-in went smoothly. Got D17 all set up in her room and met her roommate who is very pleasant. I have to say that college dorm rooms sure have gotten a lot nicer since the 70's!
D17's room is on the 16th floor of a 17 floor building and she has a beautiful view out her window.
I have to say I am glad that the 7 hours spent in the car with the ex-wife was actually pleasant. It's amazing how well we get along as friends now and joint allies in raising our two girls.
BA
Had the pleasure (not) of riding into work with the ex-wife on the Metro today. I was reminded of how easily she can suck the happiness right out of me - boy am I glad I don't live that 24/7. I was coordinating with her on a couple of weekend trips I plan to make in October and November to go see my two older kids (one lives in Ohio and the other in Wisconsin). Since I plan to take D16 with me, I was letting her know. D16 will be ecstatic to go and visit her older siblings. The ex's response was in a condescending and negative tone was "You're making two trips in two consecutive months - isn't that a bit excessive." I started to go into a lengthy explanation of why it wasn't and then caught myself thinking 1) it's going down a cheese less tunnel because I'm not going to convince her otherwise and 2) I don't have to - all I simply have to do is let her know where D16 is going to be on those two weekends.
BA
Been there, done that lol. Voldy is a specialist at making me feel like a crappy father. Unless I'm in full panic mode about the kids at all times then I'm not fulfilling my parental role. There's Voldy's way... and that about covers it. I know how easy it is to get sucked into that big black hole lol. Good that you caught yourself falling into the old pattern. They'll milk it till it doesn't work anymore.
Wow. Just ditched her butt. She thanked me for my message last night. I messaged her with a quote I'd come across that I thought she might like. She messages me tonight. "Thank you. Have you caught any fish yet?" I thought it an odd question and I replied "just you and that's enough lol" She then replies "you're online all the time and you haven't caught anything yet?" I replied "All the best to you. Good luck." Wow. just like I said online dating is a weird and wacky world...and I'm rarely online...weird.
Sorry BA, wrong thread...I'll try and keep my crappy life to my own thread from now on lol.
You two sure have the winners in the XW pile. That would certainly be a tiring dynamic. At least you both know that you really aren't missing anything by not being married to them anymore. I'm pretty sure, looking in my crystal ball, that in 20 years, both of you have daughters who are closer to you than their mothers.
Keep on keepin' on!
You said it Betsey! A lady asked me a week or so ago why I wouldn't want to get back together with my ex...and I said "because she's not a very nice person anymore" What more can you say?!
excuse the interruption
Bets, can you visit Maybell's thread in Newcomers?
Bug--Did it! Have a good weekend.
I'm going to be MIA until Monday, as D20 and her volleyball team are in flight and on their way to play in a tournament here in Colorado this weekend. Do you see me doing the happy dance? 'Cause I am! Her BFF and D17 are also uber excited. As is my dad, who is flying out from VA later today.
I offered to host dinner for the team and any family members who are coming. What was I thinking? We're up to 42 who have RSVPd. Yikes! I hope they aren't all expecting a banquet hall. I'll placate them with food and alcohol and maybe they won't realize that some people are just going to have to stand or sit on the floor...
So have a great weekend, everyone.
Betsey
Sounds like fun! Have a great time.
We got to spend a week with S24 here, he just flew back to the great white north this afternoon, in fact he's not landed yet.
Love that kid!
42!!! May the force be with you, Have fun
Kat,
I think Bets is wiped out from beating back the coyotes on her way back home.
More later, as I'm still playing catch up at work today (I was off on Friday), and my new employee started today. And yes, I'm wiped out.
It was a great weekend, though. My D20's team won 3 of 4, D20 played really well and made the all tournament team (all stars). Everyone came back to my house for dinner Saturday (all 42 of them), and that went really well too. When it came for the girls to leave, D20 asked me to walk her out to the van. She hugged me, we exchanged I love you's and then she burst into tears and just sobbed. She managed to choke out, "I miss you and Dad so much." Awww. The the other kid from Colorado gave me a hug and was bawling too. I reminded both of them that we're all coming to their home tourney in NY in one month.
I put my dad on his plane home this morning and now we go back to normal. Whatever normal is. I know D17 is going to miss her grandpa a whole lot, so I expect her to give us a little transition trouble today and tomorrow. Oh well.
Tonight I plan on going to bed early. With all the rain and weed growth this summer, I've developed allergies. This benadryl is making me awfully sleepy. God knows, I need it. In the meantime, I still have to put everything away. Not motivated to do it either.
I'll be back later/tomorrow to catch up on everyone. Have a good Monday!
Bets
Bets,
You are simply wonder woman in my book!!! I am constantly amazed at how you juggle so many things in your life, i.e running a company, managing the estate of Dennis, 42 people coming for dinner, etc.
That is so touching regarding your D20 missing you! My D17 has been reaching out and communicating with me for a change which I have let her know I appreciate. She says she just wants to stay connected to what is going on back here while she is at school. Nice to know our kids appreciate and miss us almost as much as we miss them!
Hope the allergies get better for you - it has been brutal here in DC for me as well. This is the only place I have lived where I have had allergy issues. Not sure what it is around here, but something definitely makes my eyes water up and itch like crazy! Looking forward to the fall when it dies down AND the friggin mosquitos go away too. Tired of getting eaten alive when I go outside.
Best,
BA
BA,
I'm not WW... just a dumb woman. I think things sound like a great idea and then I have to pull it off. I did have help with my cohost Colorado family, my dad, Mr. Wonderful and D20's BFF. Their efforts were most appreciated!
I'm really glad that your D18 has been communicating with you. It's a really good sign!
I had really awful allergies when I lived in VA. The grass in the spring and the ragweed in August. It was truly awful. I haven't had them since, and it's been really awesome. But we've had so much rain this year that thing that don't normally bother me really bother me. The news reports that the weeds are extremely high, and I'm guessing that's it. On top of the nasty thing that D17 gave me last week.
I live a mile south of a reservoir. They spray for mosquitoes a little north of me, so sometimes they are also nasty. I would have expected them to be absolutely horrid this year, but for some reason they aren't. Maybe they're spraying a little farther south? We get quite a few cases of West Nile, so they try to mitigate it here. I don't know. But it's all weird.
It poured on and off this past weekend, but was absolutely beautiful on Sunday. When I was driving my dad to church, we have to head due west. It's normally a stunning drive, and it didn't disappoint. I knew where my dad would comment, and he didn't disappoint either. It was breathtaking. I told him that I never get sick of that view either. It's a high spot where you can view the entire front range, all the way down to Pike's Peak. So all that rain did something good!
OK, back to something that most people call work...
Bets
Uh, stupid busy woman reporting for duty, sir!
Would you like to know my latest dilemma with selling the house? It's one I never imagined! We keep getting weird, cryptic feedback from potential buyers. About the time one got serious (got a fencing estimate, asked questions about the HOA bylaws they requested and received), they dropped off the face of the earth. The agent and I have been truly perplexed by this latest development.
Monday my dad and I dropped by so I could water the flowers and check over the property on my way to taking him to the airport. We pulled on the street and both of us frowned. My dad commented, "the dingy white lace curtains are a real nice touch". There were some tree guys working on the main thoroughfare, so we both thought it belonged to one of them. Alas. It did not. I pulled up to the house again today only to find a fricking ugly, beat up 70s era hearse parked in front of the house.
And according to the neighbors, it is creeping the potential buyers out. There's nothing illegal about parking a hearse on the street, but jeez. Really? It's decrepit and belongs in a haunted house parking lot. Apparently, it belongs to the next door neighbor's SIL, who is house sitting for his FIL while he's in the hospital. Oh, for an extended stay. Fortunately for me, SIL creeper lives across that main thoroughfare. I guess the neighbors have talked to him, and I guess he doesn't give a sh!t. So I placed a formal complaint with the HOA. Apparently, I'm not the first.
I need some teenage boys who are willing to be vandals for an night? Who knows any? I'd like to slash his tires and put a real dead body in the back. Takers????
This one trumps the need for an electrician, which will be fixed tomorrow. It's always something...
Hey Betsey!
Well talk about curb appeal - not!!! The only good thing is that Halloween is coming up and maybe potential buyers will just think the hearse is just a decoration.
On another note, watched your Bronco's take down the Chiefs on Sunday (sorry Kat). I'm not a huge Bronco fan, but I am a Peyton Manning fan. It is nice to have at least one decent classy guy amongst the fiancé and kid beaters. Our own Washington team with the controversial team name did pretty well too once the back-up quarterback took the field and our franchise player (thanks Dan Snyder - NOT) became injured again. Okay enough football talk.
My weekend was event full. Spent 4 hours in the ER Sunday morning with D16 who had oral surgery on Friday to remove all 4 of her wisdom teeth. Friday night and all day Saturday she could keep nothing down whatsoever, including water, and was running a low grade fever. Fearing dehydration I took her in first thing Sunday and they gave her some nausea meds which did the trick, so she is able to consume liquids and soft foods. Poor thing is swollen up like a pumpkin though.
I've finally gotten back into a running program and am feeling pretty good about that. To keep the motivation to run and train going, I signed up for an 5K race which will be held on October 5th. My goal is to finish the race in less than 27 minutes would put me around an 8 minute 45 second pace. I'm also considering the Marine Corps 10K at the end of October - we will see.
BA
Good grief, BA. I hope your D16's healing goes smoothly! That sounds awful. I think it took 4-5 days for the swelling to visibly subside when D17 had hers taken out last year. It's a rough few days post surgery though. Sounds like a great excuse for mac & cheese and ice cream!
I knew that the Chiefs were going to play tough. That's the way we play each other, no matter what the standings say. They are divisional foes and it's always a nail biter. Yesterday was no exception.
And outside of football, my general life kinda matches up to yours, BA. The hearse is gone, but his house was vandalized Saturday night. So today I had to meet up with the handyman to figure out what needed to be done. And of course, we have 2 showings today. Sweet.
So that's the less than desirable. I DO have good to counteract that.
1. My D20 reached the 1000 kill mark over the weekend. She's the 8th player at her school and the 4th junior. Unless she gets hurt, she might graduate with the top kills stat. We're proud of her!
2. I am friends with the founders of a nonprofit that is known nationally to educate awareness in the gay community. (They are the MOST lovely people, and I haven't seen them since Dennis' burial in July.) I got a call from the mister this morning asking me what D17 and I are doing on Saturday night. Since the answer pleased him, we are going as their guests in the front row at the Elton John concert Saturday night! And yes, we get to meet Elton, since he's donating to their foundation (and always has). Woo hoo! I love Elton! Mister is going to take D17 to meet him personally. LOL, it might not appease his ego - she wouldn't know Elton from a homeless guy... but we'll go with it.
In the meantime, my new hardwood floors are going in this week. It turns out that I have super power strength (Yes, BA, I was channeling my inner Wonder Woman) by moving furniture around, pulling up carpet and padding in my LR and DR and removing all the carpet tacking. I have the blisters to show it! There was no way I was gonna tackle the family room, 'cause that's where my big ass TV is, and there was no way on earth that I was gonna disrupt watching Outlander or the Broncos game. A girl's gotta have her priorities.
So that's it from my neck of the woods. FTR, I also liked Peyton when he was with the Colts (my sister's team). I root for the Colts unless they play us. So it was a bonus that he came here. And I'm definitely a Broncos fan. We wear our orange and blue pretty proudly in my house! I still root for your team (again, unless they play mine). Jack Kent Cooke died on my 35th birthday. I miss him. I think Dan Snyder is a complete a*hole. I loathe him. He's like the Mark Cuban of football...
TTFN,
Betsey
p.s. And since some of you know me on the Alt, you will know that today marks my 24th wedding unniversary. I called Mr. Wonderful this morning to wish him a happy one and he returned the favor. It no longer brings me pain because 1) it's a day that no matter the outcome, still happened and still was a good one; and 2) I got my amazing kids because of it. And that's why I acknowledge it.
The only thing that I truly miss right now is my wedding ring. Diamonds are my birth stone, and that one was a beauty. It's darkly adorning a safe deposit box in a bank.
Well D16 was well enough to go to school this morning. She was still a bit swollen around her jaw and was having some mild pain, but hopefully nothing that a couple Aleve can't handle. It was her choice to go, so that is good.
Betsey - I am so impressed with your D20 - 1000 kills! Holy cow, now that's what I call a "serial volleyball killer"!
Shall we look for her in Rio in 2016???
As for your 24th wedding anniversary, I think it is remarkable and very healthy and that you and Mr. Wonderful can still commemorate this day, even if it is in a different light. As for the diamond, why haven't you had a jeweler reset it in a different piece of jewelry such as a necklace or something? Beats having it sit in a bank safe deposit box all the time.
Finally, as an update to my current R with GF. We have now been dating for 9 months and while everything is going fantastic between the two of us, all is not completely without drama. She has two teenage kids that are around the same age as my two daughters. A girl who is 17 and a son who is 15. They are good kids, but they are not completely on board with their Mom and I. While they have begrudgingly come out to a couple of joint gatherings, they more often than not dig their heels in and tell her "it's awkward" and they feel uncomfortable. We are supposed to go camping this weekend and they are again stating they aren't comfortable with the idea. GF REALLY wants them to embrace me. She has communicated to them regularly how happy she is with me in her life and to her ex's credit he has told them that their mom deserves to be happy and should move on with her life. I would like them to feel comfortable around me and I go to a great effort to make them feel welcome and comfortable when we do get together. However, I don't want to pressure them to accept me at all and I also don't want to be a wedge between them and their mother. I've told her that I'd rather cancel the weekend and not go than force them to spend 48 hours in a situation they aren't comfortable with. At least on my end, my kids really like and accept the GF. This is a new dynamic for me as I have not run into this situation before. Trying to be patient and do the right thing.
BA
That's very difficult and hard to know what is the right thing to do. A weekend camping with two teens who don't want to go sounds like a weekend to be missed! Maybe Mom needs to let go and allow them to feel whatever they want about you and her. If we try too hard they just dig their heels in even harder. I know when I started dating a lady and told my two daughters, their response was "you go, Daddy!" and they had no problems accepting SDA Lady. It's good to know that your gf's ex is being supportive too. Hang in there BA.
That's very difficult and hard to know what is the right thing to do. A weekend camping with two teens who don't want to go sounds like a weekend to be missed! Maybe Mom needs to let go and allow them to feel whatever they want about you and her. If we try too hard they just dig their heels in even harder. I know when I started dating a lady and told my two daughters, their response was "you go, Daddy!" and they had no problems accepting SDA Lady. It's good to know that your gf's ex is being supportive too. Hang in there BA.
Wii - your daughter's response is exactly how mine feel about me dating as well. They have been very accepting and they like my GF and are very happy that I'm happy. However, I understand that all kids are not the same and have different comfort levels when it comes to their divorced parents dating. I think I'm a bit more patient about this than my GF. Although I am not comfortable being in this situation of them not readily accepting me, I am more than willing to give them more time to come to terms with the relationship their mother and I have. I certainly wish their response was the same as my daughters, but it is "what it is".
BA
So instead of a 2 night camping trip my GF has suggested we scale it back to just under 24 hours, leaving in the am on Saturday and coming back on Sunday around noon. I'm not sure I want to do this for a variety of reasons:
1) I feel like we are forcing two teenagers to spend time with us in an environment that they have communicated they are uncomfortable with. I think forcing or imposing or whatever you want to call it will just result in them pulling in the opposite direction.
2) I'm starting to feel like I'm being put in a position of trying to "win" their approval instead of just gaining acceptance of them. As a result this is making me feel a bit uncomfortable about a weekend camping all together. Camping for me has always been about a stress free and relaxing experience. This is feeling the opposite of all of that.
3) This is not tent camping. This is taking a 31 ft RV and it takes a significant amount of time and effort to get everything together to go camping for less than a day. Not to mention we would still incur two nights of charges at the campground since we would be checking in well before the 3pm check-in time.
My gut says to just cancel the trip. We can always go another time. However, perhaps I'm over thinking it or that this is just the easy way out for me and if we instead go and have some extended time all together it will result in a higher comfort level for them about the relationship their mother and I have.
Thoughts?
BA
Hey BA,
Got a few minutes so I thought I'd check out what's happening today. Interesting.
I'm here to support your decision.
I feel like we are forcing two teenagers to spend time with us in an environment that they have communicated they are uncomfortable with. I think forcing or imposing or whatever you want to call it will just result in them pulling in the opposite direction.
I agree with you. You had me on #1. The rest of your thoughts are all valid as well.
I have friends who were in your shoes and they didn't press the issue. I think the Mr. had a chat with the now Mrs.' kids and let them know that he wasn't a replacement for their dad and didn't expect them to think differently. He mentioned that their dad was always their dad. Even though I'm paraphrasing, you get the idea. He then asked them how they felt about their mom. He got the answer he expected. And he told them, "Then we're all on the same page. I love her too, and I want what's best for her and you. As long as you know that, it's all that matters." And he left them be for awhile. They eventually came around when his actions spoke for themselves.
They're now married, have a kiddo of their own and her kids are grown and flown the coop. They appreciate him. So hang in there. It can be done. And you're right about patience being the key.
I'd probably add into any conversation with the kids that you'll never ask their mom to pick you over them and don't need them to like you--that it would be really nice--but all you ask is to be respectful, because you think their mom is a rock star. And then let them mull and observe.
Unless the kids are poisoned by the ex (and it sounds as though that is clearly not an issue), they're usually reasonable about things. Cautious, wary and mistrustful are just how they protect themselves until they fully trust you and her.
Good luck!
Bets
Thanks for the validation and chiming in Bets. I appreciate your thoughts and value your insight.
GF just sent me a text saying she wants to talk about this tonight on the phone. She feels we may be overthinking things. She's closer to the situation than I am, so I'll listen to what she has to say and then go from there.
BA
So whatever happened with the camping? Nosy minds want to know.
kat
Well to all the nosy minds...
We did end up going camping. GF talked to me and said that she misinterpreted her teens feelings about the whole trip. They were excited to go, but had commitments on Friday night (specifically her D17 who had agreed to babysit) so that is why they only wanted to go Saturday and come back Sunday. As luck would have it, my D16 said she was onboard with going if it was for only one night so I figured what the heck. We ended up having a really nice time and it was good to get everyone together. However, GF did say during the trip that she recognized how much time and effort goes in to getting everything together and that future camping trips should be at least 2 night trips.
In other news...my D17 is rocking it down at VCU. She had her first full Chemistry exam and aced it. She was so excited and let me know as soon as she received the grade. I'm so happy for her and ecstatic that she is so locked in on doing well at school. Must've done something right there along the way!
D16 is even doing well in her Junior year at HS so far. Aside from school work her main focus is getting her driver's license. She still has about 25 hours of driving to log and is going to do most of the driving to Columbus Ohio next month when we go and visit her brother.
Finally, GF and I have begun to do some long term planning, i.e. living arrangements, with an eye towards combining households sometime next summer. We have been dating exclusively since late February and honestly, she is the first woman I've been in a relationship with who I've not had any red flags pop up with. She is kind, considerate, caring and fiercely loyal to me. We like to do the same things, have the same values and goals in life. I can't imagine anything more that I would want or desire in a partner. So I'm thinking that I've finally found the real deal and couldn't be more happier about it!
BA
It all sounds wonderful, BA! So glad for you
I'm happy to see you two are looking at next summer re living arrangements...six months is still kind of honeymoonish (is that a word?) but no red flags is definitely a great thing!
It all sounds wonderful, BA! So glad for you
I'm happy to see you two are looking at next summer re living arrangements...six months is still kind of honeymoonish (is that a word?) but no red flags is definitely a great thing!
Thanks Wii. I agree that anytime this year would be too soon, but I am very comfortable with planning for next summer. It gives us another 8 to 9 months of relationship time. Also we are both very cognizant that we are not the only two people involved in this decision. We have 4 teenagers that need to be on board with it as well, although two of the four will be partially out of the house since they are college aged. My D16 will be starting her Senior year next year and her S15 will be a Junior. I've been on my own for more than 5 years now and I'm excited for what the future holds. Time to put on my shades!
BA
I'm really happy for you, BA! That's awesome news.
And I think it's really smart to take that extra time to make sure the moving pieces are all really moving toward that destination. Proud of you there too.
Hugs.
Thanks Betsey! Since we all know this clearly isn't my first trip to the rodeo,
I am trying to be as smart and level-headed this time around...
BA